I Hate Myself For Loving You
by halojones
Summary: Bella's ready to bust out of her shell in college with roomie Alice. She meets the dazzling but rakish Edward, but is warned of his less than angelic ways. Will B/A be just another notch in the belt for J/E, or will they teach the boys a lesson or two?
1. Chapter 1

Summary: AH. Bella's ready to bust out of her shell in college with roomie Alice. She meets the dazzling but rakish Edward, but is warned of his less than angelic ways. Will B/A be just another notch in the belt for J/E, or will they teach the boys a lesson or two?

**Chapter 1: Chunky Heels and Town Jezebels**

**[A/N from 3/2010: I started writing this over 2 years ago, when multiple povs per chapter were ALL the rage in the fandom and no one ever thought of actually writing in the 3rd person. lol The pov shifting calms down eventually(one day I hope to go back and cut down all the shifting, it hasn't happened yet though)]**

**Bella:**

The transformation was almost complete as I stared into the mirror. The hairstylist had just conditioned my hair and it lay wet over my shoulders. I hadn't cut it in 4 years - the entire length of my high school experiene at Forks High. It was dangling around my waist at this point, and I was still sentimental about it in some ways. My hair made me feel feminine at times; but mostly, it served as a veil to hide behind. It was time to step up now and let my face - myself - be seen.

It had to go, just as most of my high school wardrobe had to go. My clothes served a similar purpose in helping to hide my real self. Sweats, too-large hoodies, too-baggy jeans, tops that were bought for simply hanging on the sale rack.

I'd always had an interior life that was drawn to the arts - visually, literary, musically. I spent countless hours in my room writing, playing music, painting, and drawing. I could spend so much time just trying to find the right word or note and brush stroke to fit perfectly into whatever I was composing. And yet, if you looked at me, you would never know what laid underneath. My appearance simply translated as: artless.

It wasn't just my appearance that came off artless, it was my whole demeanor. I had a tendency to blush at the slightest attention. I often tolerated uncomfortably long stretches of silence to fill up the space between others and myself. And yet in my mind, I had a comeback and remark for everything I observed.

I thought now was the time, with my freshman year move to University, to try to close the gap between my interior and my exterior life. It was time to peel off all the artless baits I had relied on until now to keep myself from being exposed. I grew up under somewhat poor circumstances, so I didn't have a lot of money to buy a whole new wardrobe. But with some creativity and a lot of second-hand store searching, I had found a wardrobe that better reflected who I saw inside. My wardrobe didn't fit under a cateogory like "rocker chick" or "goth girl" or "Betty Paige disciple." It was more about taking cues from every style I loved and fusing them together, Bella style.

The ONE thing I did want to splurge on though was a good haircut.

Jenna, the hairstylist, looked at me warily. "You sure you are alright with this, honey? You sure you don't want to cut the length gradually? Most girls with hair this long go into shock when they cut it all off."

I shook my head confidently. "No. It's time. And this way I can donate it to Locks of Love."

In a succession of snips, 15 inches in total was cut. Jenna went to work dyeing my hair a much darker shade of brown and cutting choppy layers haphazardly into a spunky take on the A-line bob. When she was done, she looked satisfied with her work. "You like?"

I shook my hair out and nodded enthusiastically as the fringes fell over my face casually. "I love! Now I'm off to charm my new roommate into letting me have the bed by the window; and after that, I'll take control over the whole university campus with my mesmerizing haircut..."

Jenna gave me a reassuring smille. "All in a day's work. And how can you not plot world domination with the hair and that dress?"

"You like? Found it at the local Salvation Army. $3.99 special."

**Alice:**

"Oh no. Oh no, no, no." My roommate wasn't present, but her wardrobe was. That was the problem. A lot of black. Steel toe retro lace-up Doc Martins. An Iron Maiden t-shirt. Oh, this is going to be a problem. Unless this is her entire wardrobe, in which case I have 1/3 more closet space than originally intended. That's a plus....

Edward snickered at me. "Haha, you got some sort of weird goth chick who's going to put pentagrams under your bed to curse you for all the pink interior decorating touches you have in mind." He bent over and eyed a pair of shoes in the closet. "Whoa, but check out the pair of spiked, multi-strapped heels next to the Doc Martens. She may be a dominatrix on the side. In that case, I can't wait to meet her and let her know I've been a bad, bad boy this summer--"

I scowled. "This summer, Edward? That's where your bad boy ways began and ended? Please, skank, I made Dad put me on a round of penicillin after you borrowed my toothbrush the other week..."

Just then, she walked in. And I didn't know what to think. She wasn't goth. She wasn't a rocker chick. She was like an anime heroine who moonlighted on the side as a 50's sweater girl. Oh hell, Edward, put your tongue back in your mouth and stop checking out her boobs. He's impossible.

**Bella:**

I was staring at a pair of kids about my age who looked like they could have just walked off a Clearasil commercial. Or a Noxema commercial. Or a Crest White Strips commercial. Take your were disconcertingly beautiful, and I felt much less mesmerizing at that moment. I tried to de-dazzle myself so that I could try to charm her into giving me the bed by the window.

"Hey, I'm Bella. You must be Alice." I walked over to her, gave her a handshake, and threw out as charming a smile as possible. She looked perky, so I decided to throw in a hug.

Alice looked at the boy, "So much for pentagrams under my bed, huh, Edward?" She then turned to me. "Wow, I'm Alice. And I don't know about you and me yet, but I think our haircuts are going to become fast friends."

Okay. She's a little odd, but I liked it. So am I. Alice did have a sweet haircut. Her cut was shorter and spikier than my A-line bob. It was quite edgy for a girl awashed in breezy pink pastels and ruffles. She was waiting for me to respond.

"I think our black eyeliner is going to become fast friends as well, although our shoes might become mortal enemies." The boy laughed as we exchanged glances at our dueling shoes. She had obvious designer heels on, delicate and upscale like her. I had a pair of vintage slightly chunky heels with an ankle strap; eccentric and a little worn, like me.

Alice shrugged. "I've always taught my clothes and shoes to be tolerant of others. We really champion diversity and multiculturalism in the world of fashion."

With that, I laughed out loud. "Um, Alice, screw our hair. I think WE are going to become fastest of all friends in this room."

"Ahem..." The boy demanded some attention at this point. And when I say boy, I really mean hot piece of deliciousness. He smiled at me like he was on auto-pilot way. He was used to unloading that smile on the female population, that much was certain, and getting quick results. I wanted to stay a step ahead, so I cut him off before he could proceed.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Is your hair a little jealous for not receiving a compliment?" He looked at me questioningly and Alice began to grin. "If it's any consolation, your hair looks much more sexually active than either mine or Alice's." The boy's eyes were taken aback, but a goofy grin came onto his lips. Guys and the "s" word, I thought to myself as I shook my head. For some reason, my mouth kept moving and addressing the boy.

"You hair is almost promiscuous and scandalous looking, really, if hair can be such things." It was true. His hair looked like it just rolled out of bed after a sex fueled night. It was falling all over in its copper colored brilliance: all over his eyes, over his ears, on the sides of his cheekbones. Suddenly my thoughts stopped as I realized what I had just said out loud to a perfect, albeit physically perfect as well, stranger. Maybe saying what I think and thinking what I say wasn't such a such a good idea after all.

Alice howled. "If you only knew, Bella! You are like the hair whisperer!" I winked at her.

Alice continued. "This is my brother Edward, the very sexually active owner of the sexually active looking hair."

Edward shot her a look. "Ali! Shut up."

"Nice to meet you, Edward, as well as that randy hair of yours." I tried not to laugh as I extended my hand. He took it briskly and I felt a small jolt on contact. All I could think was, "Step away from the sexual live wire, Bella. He's nothing but trouble."

He stared back at me intensely as if he felt the jolt too. His eyes kept moving back and forth between my face and our hands. I looked down slightly, as some of my newly shorn wisps fell over my eyes. Suddenly I wasn't feeling so bold; in fact, I was feeling quite exposed at the moment. He bent his head slightly to try to reestablish our gaze, and I knew my inner fifteen-year-old dork was this close to busting out and blushing something fierce. I kept telling myself to recollect and recover quickly, before he could witness the effect he had over me - and my cheeks.

"Well, nice to meet you, Bella, and that sexy hair of yours. If your hair is indication of your 'lifestyle,'" he emphasized that last word a little too much,"then I think your hair and my hair will get along rather well."

The hair theme was getting a little old, but I couldn't say that to him. He was too happy to get in a hair reference finally after being ignored at first. I could feel my snark recovering quickly with his cheesy line.

"Well, Edward. If by lifestyle you mean that my hair and I are virginal. And that my virginal hair and your promiscuous hair will get along the way a Catholic Priest tries to save the town Jezebel from her immoral ways...Then, sure. We'll get along swimmingly."

He flashed me such a devilish smile while gripping my hand tighter. I instantly regretted mentioning my virgin status. I needed to escape before I started the full on crimson blushing that would give away my true emotional state at the moment. I retrieved my hand, and headed out the door while fliply looking over my shoulder at my new roomie. "I'll be back in an hour, Alice. Then we can talk all about your brother behind his back." I could feel his stare boring into my back as I tried my best to make the wittiest exit of my life.


	2. Chicken of the Sea

Chapter Two: Chicken of the Sea

note: Thanks for the reviews-they help me know what's working or not!

**BPOV:**

When I got back to the dorm room, Alice was gone. I had left quickly an hour earlier because Edward's attentions toward me was making me blush. I didn't want him to know the effect he was having over me, so I removed myself from the room abruptly. He wasn't the type of guy I would normally get nervous around; cheesy, pretty boys tend to be the object of good natured taunting from me. And yet, I sensed there was more to him, even if I had no proof of that possibility.

He had an air about him that screamed that he knew how much he affected girls with the slightest smile. Not that it would be entirely his fault if he was aware of his "abilities." He was blantantly handsome, and he would have been tragically unaware to not realize that fact. Bright green eyes poking out from under the messy yet perfect bronze hair; that lazy smile that crept onto his lips slowly; very tall, built just right. In that moment, it occurred to me that I was skipping over into creepy stalker fantasy land. What the hell? I was rhapsodizing over some guy whose own sister called him a manwhore. I needed to get a handle on my thoughts, so I got out my guitar and decided to practice a little. It was time to pull the plug on the boy crushing, Swan.

I strummed for a couple minutes while walking slowly around my room. I wandered over to Alice's nightstand where there was a picture of Edward and her. Evidently, it was a gift from him. On the top of the frame were the engraved words, "Friend, Confidante, Sister." The frame held a picture of Edward hugging Alice from behind and Alice sticking out her tongue at the camera. As an only child, the picture made my heart ache slightly. It would have been nice to have had a sibling that I could adore in such a way.

"That frame almost gives you a toothache, it's so sugary, huh?" I quickly turned around when I felt the voice's warm breath too close to my neck; of course, that caused me to bang my guitar into Edward's arm.

"Oh my hell, I'm so sorry, Edward!" Great, my klutzy side was coming out already.

"Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have crept up on you like that, but I couldn't help myself. " He flashed me another one of those auto-pilot smiles. I scrunched my nose at him.

"What?" His eyebrows furrowed slightly at my scrunching.

"So, do you usually wield that smile around so indiscriminately? It's like the attention getting equivalent of going braless."

He chuckled, his smile more sincere looking this time. "I highly doubt my smile could match you braless."He paused for a moment."Have you noticed whenever you talk to me, you bring up alot of sexual imagery?"

I rolled my eyes, even though he was right. "Hey, don't blame me if your hair looks a little easy! I'm just trying to help the roomie's brother out with the fact he's casting a very wide net among the female population between the Crest Whitening Strips smile and the lovely locks."

"Is there anything wrong with casting a very wide net, Bella?" He purposely flashed as dazzling a smile as he could muster. Show off.

I tried to plaster on a worried scowl in response. "Oh, yes! It's very unfortunate when very pretty boys cast very wide nets like you do. You end up entrapping poor Baby Porpoises and Baby Belugas and Baby Seals; when in reality, all you really wanted in your net at the end of the day was the Chicken of the Sea. Don't you watch the Discovery Channel?"

He was willing to play along. "So I'm the big bad fisherman,eh? Would all those poor baby porpoises translate into bookworm girls I dazzle into letting me cheat off their homework right before class? Because instead of doing my own work, I was too busy ravishing drunk sorority girls?" Edward was baiting me into pegging him as a dumb fratboy stereotype. I wouldn't bite though.

"Perhaps. But I was thinking less maliciously on your part. You strike me as a smart cookie who can do his own homework just fine. I was just imagining that you enjoyed your power in general over female creatures, both great and small."

He pursed his lips slightly. "How very "Julio-Inglesias-To-All-The-Girls-I've Loved-Before" of me." His mocking smile made laugh.

"So, tell me, Bella. Do very pretty, overly cynical girls find their way into my net as well? Can such girls be dazzled or are they immune to my charms? Just out of curiousity's sake." He shrugged his shoulders fliply, but gave me a mischievously raised eyebrow. Shake it off, Swan, don't blush now while you are on a roll.

"Oh, of course! Pretty, overly cynical girls are dazzled just as easily as the next baby mammal. But pretty, over cynical girls at least have the good sense to be indignant about being entrapped. They are the baby seals caught in your net who flip you the bird with their little fins."

"Oh, silly Bella. Pretty, overly cynical girls aren't the baby seals. They are the Chicken of the Sea." With that I rolled my eyes and plopped on top of my bed. I started to strum softly to get my mind off his meaningless words. I didn't need to blush like an idiot and let him know he affected me with the mere mentioning that I was a like a can of Starkist Tuna. How pathetic I am.

He quickly sat beside me and reached out his hand towards my guitar. "May I?"

"Do you play guitar?"

He shook his head." I play piano, but I learned a song on the guitar before."

"All boys learn one of two songs when they first learn to play guitar. Is yours Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water" or AC/DC's "Back in Black?"

He laughed. And this time, it was a genuine, guileless laugh that made me feel more gratified than I should be for bringing it out. "Smoke on the Water." He looked at me for a moment before continuing. "You know, I'm going to be honest with you, Bells. I came back here so I could flirt you up shamelessly without Alice hovering over me. But it's impossible to flirt when you are being a total smart ass."

"This isn't even like--low level flirting?" I sighed and shook my head slightly as I continued to strum my guitar. " And here I thought I was being so alluring..." I smiled in his direction and cut him off before he tried to backtrack what he said. "Well, I"m going to be honest with you too, Edward. You are much more attractive when you are being a smart ass instead of a flirt."

He leaned over almost hesitantly-the first time I ever saw any hesitancy whatsoever from him. He brushed some of my long layers out of my face. "I'll keep that in mind, Bella."

**EPOV**

"Spill it. I kept Alice stranded here for three hours to give you privacy." Jasper was on his bed, arm over his head, eyes closed. But he wouldn't let it go until I gave him something. "What the hell took so long?"

"Nothing to spill, Jas. Nothing happened." I did enough "spilling" tonight. What was meant to be a quick jaunt over to Alice's dorm to see if her roommate was going to back up her flirting, ended in a 3 hour long visit where I didn't so much as get a kiss out of her. We talked mostly about random stuff, but then at times the conversation turned serious. Before I knew it, I was telling her things I hadn't even told Alice yet. I closed my eyes and laid still. Maybe he'd leave me alone if I look like I'm falling asleep.

Jasper sat up at this point. "Don't play possum with me. What went down to keep you out for so long?"

"We just talked. I don't know what to make of her. Or us for that matter."

'There's an "us" already? Damn, she's a fast worker.'Jasper was smirking in my direction, and that's exactly why I was hesitant to say too much.

"Don't blow my words out of proportion, Jas. I just don't know what to think of what just happened between us. It was just...weird."

"Well, it must be a good type of weird because you have a big, dumb grin on your face." He waited patiently for me to explain.

I wiped the smile off quickly. "Basically, we just spent the whole time talking shit about eachother, and seeing who could be more clever at it. But then at other times, we were talking about our families and our backgrounds..." I drifted off. I didn't want to go into detail with that last part.

"That takes up about an hour. You have two more hours to account for."

"And then we were doing whole scenes by memory from the show "Arrested Deveopment." She's a huge fan like me."

"20 minutes. And then?"

"Uh...then she gave me a guitar lesson."

"another 20 minutes. And then?

"Um... then she found out I was musical and I helped her out with a song she was composing on the guitar."

"Half an hour tops, Edward...Spill it. You roughly have an hour of unaccounted for time."

This was what I was dreading to mention. "FINE. Then she was getting sleepy. So, we laid down on her bed and kept talking until we fell asleep for awhile. "

"Uh, like you holding eachother in her bed? But not kissing?"

I paused for a second. "Uh huh. I'm wondering if I gave her the wrong impression."

Jasper nodded. 'Yeah, making sweet music together with a girl you just met and spooning her chastely while she falls asleep does not give off the "I dropped by for a one night stand while my best friend keeps your roommate from coming back too soon" vibe you were going for originally.'

I winced. "Ahhh... I messed up."

Jasper didn't agree right away. "Well, you didn't mess up if you had fun and you like her. Not any girl could have gotten that out of you so quickly." He laughed at that thought. "Instead of you physically seducing her, she seduced you emotionally! I can just see you crying on her bed about Carlisle being a distant father!" I threw my pillow at him, but he kept laughing.

"And I asked her out this Friday. It just fell out of my mouth."

Japser shook his head. "Wasn't the whole point of me babysitting Alice so she wouldn't find out you were hitting on her roommate in any way, shape, or form?"

I nodded sheepishly. "Yeah, originally. And now Alice is going to be pissed when she finds out."

Jasper chimed in, "As she should be pissed. You are always messing with her friends and Alice has to pick up the pieces when you move on to play with the next friend."

I threw him a glare. "Whose side are you on?"

"I'll always bet on Alice's side, Edward. She's your better half and you know it."

I don't know why, but I was anxious about waiting until Friday to go out with Bella-that was still two days away. "You want to do something with Alice and Bella tomorrow night? Bella said "Suede" has a couple good bands playing tomorrow and Friday."

Jasper shook his head. "You told me to hook it up for us with Lauren and Jessica, so I did. Tomorrow at 8:00 PM."

I nodded and laid back on my pillow. Maybe it was best to get my mind off of what happened tonight. Bella was obviously a singular girl. I'd never met anyone like her. But I didn't know what to make of how she affected me. I wasn't looking for anything serious right now. It was the beginning of the year. The best time of the year for meeting people; girls, more specifically. Bella might just complicate things very quickly if I wasn't careful.

**APOV**

I listened cautiously as Bella let me know of Edward "dropping by." She awoke when I came in after spending the evening with Jasper. _Jasper._ I love just saying his name. She told me how Edward had dropped by to see me and waited for my return for a couple hours. That liar. He knew I was going to his dorm to meet him.

"So, Bella, how did you entertain my brother while I was away?"

She smiled dreamily. "Oh, we just hung out and talked and played guitar."

I knew my brother better than that. Edward doesn't just hang out and talk with a pretty girl in the privacy of her bedroom.

"And..."

"That's all, honest."

I raised an eyebrow. "And..."

She paused and her eyebrows wrinkled for a moment. "I didn't give anything up. Satisfied?" She laughed. "The most he got out of me was falling asleep by me for a couple minutes on my bed."

UGH. I was going to kill him. He hadn't known her two hours and he was already trying to get in her pants. "Bella, just be a little cautious with Edward, okay? He's an awesome brother; but he is also a typical guy, and sometimes he doesn't know how to handle the attention he gets. He can be...indiscriminate in that way."

She laughed heartily. "I told him he was indiscriminate tonight! Caution noted, Alice. I'll be careful."

I relaxed with her assurance. Bella obviously had a good head on her shoulders.

"So, Ms. Alice, where were you all evening?"

**BPOV**

Alice and I spent the next couple of hours getting me up to speed with the Cullen family unit--including Jasper. How Alice had secretly harboredadoration for Jasper since she was a young girl, and how he had no clue. How he treated her like a little sister, and how she hoped this year she could break him out of that mindset. Her fears of exposing herself to Jasper; and finally, her fears of how Edward would react when she does.

And speaking of Edward. What could I say? He sounded like the perfect big brother who always liked to keep his baby sister close by. But he did have a..."colorful" track record with girls. Alice mentioned the longest relationship he had was a month, and that ended with the girl hitting him across the face with her La Crosse stick--he got a grand total of 12 stitches on his scalp.

I knew it was the right thing to be cautious with Edward. But the Edward who was with me tonight was too singular to not consider the possibilities. Edward might just complicate things very quickly for me;and for once in my life, I didn't feel like being careful.


	3. Lady and the Tramp

**CHAPTER TWO: LADY AND THE TRAMP**

**note: thanks for all of those who reviewed!**

**note: recap: Edward happened upon Bella alone in her dorm room, with the intention of making a casual play on her. But three hours later, he found himself with not even a kiss to show for. Instead they spent the night talking, flirting, and finding that they both are passionate about music. After falling asleep briefly with her, he heads back to his dorm-only to have Jasper give him the third degree. Bella's roommate and Edward's sister Alice confides in Bella about her secret adoration for Jasper and her hopes to make him see her in a different light than the one he presently does-as his adopted kid sister.**

--

**EPOV**

It only took a night's sleep to decide that proceeding more cautiously with Bella and her affecting ways were not that desirable to me. I've always had poor impulse control, so it was no suprise. By the next morning, I was impatient to get back to Alice's dorm room and meet up with Bella again. But I knew I had to get there early before she left. I quickly devised a plan to dazzle the uneasily dazzled.

--

**BPOV**

Alice was asleep when I heard the knock at the door. I was still in my tank top and boy short pjs, and hesitant to answer as a result; and yet, I didn't want Alice to wake. I opened up the door with a "shhh!" finger to my mouth, only to have Edward stomp right past me and jump on my bed.

"Good morning, Little Miss Sunshine!" He gave me a quick once over and then raised an eyebrow. "Impressive." I rolled my eyes.

He had ironically nicknamed me Little Miss Sunshine the night before when I had shot down his first pick choice: Smart Ass. He accepted my not-so-ironic slutty nickname of "Jezebel," but only if it referred to his hair exclusively.

He used his veto power to shoot down my first choice-- Tramp: "But think of it, Edward, it's perfect. I'm a Lady, you are a male Tramp. It's my freshman year to explore, and you'd be the perfect guide to showing me how to really slum it up properly! We could even share a big plate of pasta by candlelight at your favorite Italian restaraunt,using no utensils or limbs, and nudge meatballs to eachother with our noses." That image made him reconsider the name breifly, but Jezebel won out in the end.

"Earth to Bella...I come bearing gifts."He held up a cardboard holder with three Starbucks Coffees and a bag with what I assumed were baked goods. I mouthed "thank you" with a smile but pointed over to a slumbering Alice.

When he saw her sleeping, his eyes scrunched with a huge smile and he gave me a thumbs up sign. He whispered exaggeratedly, "Get dressed and let's go before she wakes up." I raised an eyebrow at him, but silently obeyed.

--

**EPOV**

After getting Bella out of her dorm, I found out what errands she had to run still before school started. She was hesitant about making me be her free taxi driver, but I explained the logic behind my offer.

"If you get all your errands and odd jobs over with early, you'll have more time to spend with me on the weekend."

So, off we went to various stores for basic dorm necessities--Target, Staples, Wal-Mart. She was so cute how she wrote down each purchase in her checkbook, keeping track of every penny spent. When she saw me snickering at her bookkeeping skills, she threw me a smirk. "Not all of us come from families where Shiny Volvos and Abercrombie and Fitch flow freely, Jez." Aw-she gave my nickname a nickname.

After a good three hours of shopping, we finally finished. Her last errand was getting some applications for an off campus job. She was having me stop at almost every sports bar near campus to inquire about a waitressing position. I kept trying to steer her away from the sports bars.

"No--you don't want to work at Casey Moran's. It gets really rowdy and the most annoying Frat rats go there because the waitresses wear teeny uniforms."

She feigned disapproval. "Edward, I don't think it's appropriate to call your friends and yourself annoying rats."

She ignored every attempt to stop her from applying. "What about IHOP? They have more shifts to choose from, and you get to wear Keds tennis shoes with the very modest skirts and blouses...or what about the library? It's on campus and you can wear unattractive librarian glasses to keep all the boys away..."

She got out of the car and yelled over her shoulder, "Whatever, Dad!" as she walked into Casey's.

I gave her the best worried-dad look I could muster when she came back to the car. "I think he's going to hire me, he liked my experience."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure he was really checking out your experience, Bella." I sounded like a pouting school boy at that moment-what was I doing?

She shot me a pointed look. "The reality, Cullen, is I am supporting myself through college. My parents can't help out with the exception of some extra money here and there. So I need to work where the best tips are. And an 18 year old gal is going to make the best tips at a sports bar restaurant. Not an IHOP where people leave three dimes and a nickel for a tip."

"Oh." It was all I could say. I felt like an oblivious, spoiled rich kid, right down to laughing at her check book keeping. I decided to change the subject.

"So, you ready for lunch?"

She smiled. "Yes-and I insist on treating you. You have no idea how much grief you saved me from taking the bus to all the stores today-you were a lifesaver.

"Any time, Bella. I"m serious, whenever you need a ride just let me know. I don't like the idea of you using the bus. It's not safe for a beautiful girl like you." I side glanced at her shyly to see if she caught that-and she had the sweetest smile on her face while she looked down at her lap. She suddenly got a mischievous look on her face though.

"Oh, so if I had a unibrow though, you wouldn't mind me using public transportation? That would somehow shield me from danger?" She laughed when I looked over.

"Okay, stop distracting me. I can't keep focused when I'm with you! Back to lunch. I will treat, but in turn you have to promise to answer ANY and ALL questions I have for you." She looked at me doubtfully but nodded in return.

"As long as those questions aren't pervy, I agree."

I picked up my cellphone and speed dialed Antonio's, my favorite Italian restaurant. I looked in Bella's direction while I ordered takeout. "Yes, can you give me a double order of Spaghetti and Meatballs, in one container please. No utensils. And extra napkins."

I shot her the most dazzling smile possible, and she just shook her head with a huge grin. "You little freak."

--


	4. Crimson and Clover

**CHAPTER 4: Crimson and Clover**

**note: Thanks for the reviews!**

**note: Since the Joan Jett cover of "Crimson and Clover" figures heavily into the next three chapters, my profile includes the youtube link for the song video!**

**BPOV**

"Are we there yet?" I asked, in the whiniest kid voice possible. Edward had gotten it into his head that we should make a picnic out of our meal in some secluded spot that he swore was only a five minute walk after we parked at the opening of some trail. But we had been walking for 30 minutes now with no end in sight. He looked back at me apologetically.

"I'm sorry. I thought it was a lot closer. Do you want me to piggy back you for awhile? This can't be fun in heels..."

I snorted. "Yeah, hold the blanket, the food, and then carry me the whole way." I smiled reassuringly his way. " I'm fine, really."

Of course, with that declaration, I tripped over a branch. Edward stopped and grabbed my hand. "At least let me hold onto you."

I laughed as I looked down at our clasped hands. He stopped and smiled sweetly at me as he saw where I was glancing.

"What?" I could just imagine him thinking I was going to say something cute- like our hands fit nicely together. I knew he was a player, but he had been acting sorta gushy all day. My thoughts were elsewhere, however.

"You know, Alice insisted I tell her if you so much as shook my hand, so she could put me on a round of pencillin."

His face froze in a sneer. "I'm not as huge a whore as she makes me out to be, okay? Hell, with sisters like Alice, who needs enemies?"

He was genuinely offended by Alice's joking, but I couldn't stop snickering. "Don't worry, Edward. I believe you. Since you are only a semi-whore, I'll just use some Anti-Bacterial Gel on my hands before we eat. I've got some in my purse. No need for antibiotics."

He stuck out his tongue at me in mock anger. "Hey, put that back in your mouth, Cullen, or else I'll have to take Alice up on her offer!"

Within a couple minutes, a clearing could be seen ahead, and I understood why he was so insistent on the spot. It was a gorgeous sort of field surrounded by trees, with green grass and flowers growing wildly everywhere. "Wow, Edward --THIS is impressive."

--

**EPOV**

"What is your favorite color?" She was sitting upright, legs criss-crossed, with her head tilted towards the sky, taking in the sunrays. I was laying down beside her on my back, looking up at her. As soon as I laid out the blanket, I made her keep her part of the bargain of letting me question her. It was almost two hours later now, and we had yet to eat our lunch. Once Bella realized the restaurant really didn't pack any utensils, she was not in a big hurry to eat. The idea and the reality of consuming spaghetti cartoon dog style weren't quite the same for her. And food was the last thing on my mind.

Each new question I asked brought on a whole new line of inquiries from me. I had learned more about her upbringing; how close she was with her mother, yet how she played a more parental role than a child's role in the relationship. How some family addictions made her decide early on to never drink, smoke or do any drugs. How she moved in with her father her freshman year in high school, and how she couldn't wait to escape the cold and the wet after four years in Forks, Washington. How she worked three jobs her senior year just so that college at our University would a be possibility. And how she expected to have to hold down two jobs just to make ends meet this year. She had a much more complicated and challenging life than I had; and yet, she told her story with such humor and without apology, I was equal parts humbled and awestruck.

My pause made her ask if I was done, but I didn't want to stop. So, I asked her the first question that came into my head. The lame color question came blurting out.

She answered out with a smile, "Green. Clover green." Bella's eyes widened, and then her cheeks blushed a brilliant shade of red. Yet another line of questioning for me.

"What? What about that answer made you blush?"

She shook her head. "NEXT question..."

I sat up. "Tell me. Please?"

She winced. "Okay, I'll tell you; but this will be the last earnest thing I will ever speak in your direction, okay? I'm very cautious around egotistical yet endearing Cassanovas like yourself, so don't get used to this. The wall goes right back up after I explain."

I motioned with my hand for her to dispense with the disclaimers and to just answer.

"Your eyes are the same shade as the green clovers growing here in the meadow. And they are very pretty. Or handsome, or whatever. Now shut up and stop smirking at me like that." She quickly tilted her head back towards the sun and closed her eyes.

I couldn't help but smile. It was so cute watching her backpeddle and stumble over words for once. "Aren't you going to ask me what my favorite color is, Bella?"

I didn't wait for her to ask. "It's the shade of crimson, which is the color of the first blush I ever gave you." I smiled at her and she looked away quickly. I would have told her how beautiful she looked when she blushed as well, but she didn't trust me quite enough to tell her such things. So I held back.

She started laughing hysterically. Not exactly the reaction I was going for. "Do you realize we made a pun? Crimson and Clover? One of my favorite song covers ever with Joan Jett? Who's like my patron rocker chick saint?"

She started singing on cue: "_Ahhh...I don't hardly know her...But I think I could love her...Crimson and Clover...Over and Over..."_

She had a rich, deep voice that I wanted to hear more of. But it was my turn to blurt out thoughts that should stay in my head for the moment. "I get where Joan is coming from."

She looked down at me, not getting my point.

I sang back to her: "_I don't hardly know her...But I think I could love her..."_

--

**BPOV**

Things were getting a little too gushy for me with my favorite new manwhore, so I changed directions quickly. "Okay, I'm famished. Let's eat. I'll give your "Bobbing-For-MeatBalls" game a try, although we'll probably get Ecoli poisoning now for letting it sit so long." He looked slightly deflated by my nonresponse to what he had just said. However, I quickly distracted him with the open container and my being on all fours, trying to figure out how to go about this.

'So, show me how it's done, Cullen. And may I add, if I successfully eat this spaghetti, I get exclusive rights to calling you "Tramp."'

He got on all fours across from me and raised an eyebrow. "I had no idea a Disney movie scene would be so hot to re-enact." I think he was just trying to distract me because he had no idea how to proceed either. The spaghetti noodles were extra long, the sauce chunky, the meatballs ginormous, and there was no way to go about nibbling on the entree without getting completely filthy.

"Oh, stop all your yapping and start bobbing for meatballs, Edward." He bowed down while looking at me and tried to bite off a small amount spaghetti noodles all sexy with a snarl. I started cracking up.

"Stop giving me stares that are reserved for couples who have sexual relations! And you know what? You are eating too much like Lady. Or Jenna Jameson. Take your pick. Tramp's a man's man, Edward. He would chow down like this." I bobbed down, and took a meatball along with a good amount of noodles. Sauce was getting on my face, but I just chewed casually like I did this every day. He joined in in similar form, letting the sauce get all over his lower face.

"Much more butch and Tramp-like. Tramp." I winked his way.

Our inept attempts at nudging meatballs at eachother ended in diaster. Edward got sauce in his eye and it stung the hell out of him. I got some sauce in my nostril and it was still irritated a half an hour later. We used up all the napkins they gave us; and yet, we still couldn't get all the sauce off.

We both agreed after mocking eachother's nudging accidents mercilessly that utensils were the way to go the next time around. Humans were definitely not as cute as dogs when eating Italian. And yes, there was an unspoken agreement there would be more next times. A lot of our conversation in the last hour had included references to future events and possibilities. Together.

--

**EPOV**

By the time we got back to the car, we looked like we'd been through the ringer. Bella had broken her heel on the hike back down. The blanket was so dirty with sauce after our failed "Lady and the Tramp" experiment, we just threw it away so it wouldn't soil my car. And we were both dirty, sweaty, and in pain from accidental sauce ingestion in the eyes and nose. But I hadn't laughed that hard in years. Never with someone outside my family.

Bella looked in the vanity mirror. "Edward, we both have Koolaid smiles from the spaghetti sauce. Our faces are stained red!" She flipped it back shut and laughed. I loved how carefree she was. How many girls would react that way on a first date? Wait...was it a first date?

As we drove back to campus, she fished out her ipod from her purse. She was checking her playlist and giggled with her discovery. "I knew I had it. Hey, pull over here for a second, Edward. I want to get an application at that restaurant right there. Let me borrow your flip flops."

Without warning, she put her headphones on me. My breath hitched slightly with her close proximity. Bella had been so careful around me today, I wasn't used to her sudden movement in my personal space. Even with sweat and sauce packed on her, she smelled amazing--almost floral like. She then hit play and smiled shyly. Joan Jett started crooning in my ears.

"_Ahhhh...I don't hardly know her...But I think I could love her...Crimson and Clover..."_

She jumped out wearing my way-too-big flip flops and sloshed into the restaurant. I got out and paced back and forth in front of my car while waiting for her. A couple doors down there was the trendy "Rising Dragon" tattoo parlor that got most of the college kids' business in the area.

I started thinking about how Bella's defenses were slowing coming down. But all the gossip about me being a player was making it hard for her to believe anything I said when it came to my feelings or intentions towards her. And the reality was that while I was no angel, I'd never shown an interest in a girl like this before. I didn't know how to make her see that though.

I took another look down at "Rising Dragon." Alice was always talking about how nothing makes a girl fall faster than a sincerely grand gesture on the boy's behalf. That piece of information never applied to me until now.

"_Ahh.. When she comes walking over...I've been waiting to show her...Crimson and Clover...Over and Over..."_

And that's when my Poor Impulse Control issues of acting before thinking reared it's head. Yet again.

**--**


	5. They're Magically Delicious

**CHAPTER 5: THEY'RE MAGICIALLY DELICIOUS**

note: **Thanks for the reviews!**

--

**EPOV:**

Bella came flip flopping out with an application. "Okay, I"m ready."

I took a deep breath and made a leap into Grand Gesture Land before I could think twice about what I was doing. "Want to come with me to the "Rising Dragon?" I motioned over in it's direction. She looked over to see what I was talking about.

"Why?"

"This has been such a day of firsts for me, I thought I'd keep them coming."

--

**BPOV**

I walked next to him down the street, not sure what he was up to still. "Are you thinking about getting a tattoo?"

He smiled and nodded.

"I always wanted to get a tattoo too! I'd love to watch the process...What do you want to get?" I asked excitedly.

"A Crimson Clover. Nothing too big, just a nice reminder."

I laughed, assuming it was a joke. "Well, if you get a clover, I want to get a sailor tattoo-like maybe an anchor or a topless hula girl on my bicep."

He stopped walking. "I'm not joking. I'm going to get a Crimson Clover."

I shot him a frantic look. "Why?"

He sighed. "That's not exactly the response I was hoping for." He laughed a little--was I detecting extreme nervousness from him? He stood in front of me the way you stand in front of a class in elementary school when you are about to give an oral report by memory.

"I don't know about you... But this is the best date I've ever had. That's a first. It's the first time I've never tried to kiss a girl on a first date out of respect for her. Another first. It's the first time I actually planned a date in hopes of impressing a girl, right down to recreating a Disney scene. Yet another first, even if we failed miserably at recreating the scene! It's the first time I've ever laughed so hard with a girl other than Alice. Another first. And it's the first time I ever felt butterflies in my stomach when thinking of a way to tell a girl how I felt about her. Even if she did completely ignore me when I told her I thought I could love her..." He smiled and winked at me. " Yet another first."

I just stood there, not knowing what to say.

"Alice would be proud of my vast progress in just 24 hours when no progress had been made in the last several years. " He smiled wiedly my way."So...I'm going to commemorate all those firsts. With a Crimson Clover." With that, he walked into "Rising Dragon's" door.

I hurried in after him and pulled his arm. "Hold on, do you get tats regularly, Edward?"

He shook his head. "No. It'll be my first one," he said with a impish grin.

I pulled on his arm again. "Waiitttt, Edward. Why don't you think about this first. Wait until you take me out on Friday--just in case you decide I'm a real bitch or something and want no reminders of our first date on your body!" I tried to laugh but it sounded a little too breathless to be natural. Suddenly our sweet outing together today was taking a bizarre and impulsive turn. I'm not big on impulsivity.

"Bella, you could yell at me right this very moment that you never want to see me again and I'd still get it. It doesn't take away from what happened today."

I almost got tears in my eyes. Not because what he said was sweet. Because I understood what he meant. Even if I would never admit it to him, I knew I would wrap this day up and lock it away in my heart. It was the day when I realized that I could indeed fall for someone. Effortlessly and completely. Something I never imagined, after watching all the people I loved seem to struggle so hard with love. Even if Edward ended up never calling me up again, it wouldn't take away what happened to me today either.

"Are you really being serious?"

He nodded. Then he stopped for a second and his eyes narrowed as he noticed the huge grin on my face.

"You said you always wanted a tattoo. Lets get them together! It's my treat if you do. We could get them at the same time even. The way other couples get mani-pedis together." With that parallel, I busted out laughing-he must live in a pampered enough world where couples actually do that. I only imagined P. Diddy have couples mani-pedis. He's so overly metro at times. But I just shook my head:"They are too expensive. I can't do that to you."

My response made him all too giddy, probably because it came down to a money issue instead of a personal aversion to ink. "That's it, you are getting one. I"m just going to pay for two tattoos straight out and you'll end up screwing me over if you don't get one. You know you want one-I can see it in your eyes!" He laughed." And it can be whatever you want-it doesn't have to be a Crimson Clover like mine." But he paused to see my reaction to the possibility.

My lack of response only fueled him more. "BUT...if you get a Crimson Clover, it can have more meanings for you honestly. It's really your tattoo, I'm just plaguerizing it because you are more interesting than I am. It can be a tribute to your patron saint Joan Jett."

"And I am 1/8 Irish," I deadpanned. I wanted to be prideful and say no, that I would wait to buy one with my own money. Or that it was totally lame to be getting a matching tattoo with some random guy I didn't even know really. But a bigger part of me was thinking what came out of my mouth at that moment. "What the hell. Bring on the Crimson Clover. It's time for me to be an irresponsible teenager and piss off my parents for once, instead of the other way around."

He let out a laugh. "Yes, I"m a pro at pissing off my parents, and you are starting out at to the top of the list of things to piss them off with. You are a natural."

We explained to Nita and Santos what we wanted. They showed us some images they already had of clovers, and we almost sounded like an engaged couple picking out matching wedding bands. "Ew...Edward, isn't that clover pretty?"..."Do you like this one Bella? It's smaller and not so conspicuous..."... I couldn't believe I was sitting there with Edward, Mr. Abercrombie and Fitch himself, holding his hand, picking out a matching tattoo with him. It was so dumb of me, and yet watching myself from the outside in, all I could do was laugh. Because the old me would have never done this in a million years. Maybe for good reason too.

Once we picked out the image, we then had to figure out where we wanted them. Edward wanted it on the back of his left shoulder. I was thinking on the back of the neck, when Edward suggested my lower right hip.

"That...would look hot." I rolled my eyes, but decided that was better than the neck. Less inconspicuous for Charlie to see. Okay, and it didn't hurt the way he stared at my hip imagining a little clover right there.

--

**EPOV**

I held her hand as they went to work on us on the parlor chairs. I tried extra hard not to peek down at Bella's exposed hip while Nita worked on her, but I failed frequently. Both of us kept breaking into laughing fits every time we just looked at eachother-- we knew we were doing something totally stupid. But it was one of those moments where you do something dumb simply to do it together. A way to get closer to eachother when time hasn't permitted you to be that close yet. If there had been a Bungee Jumping Training store next to the restaurant instead of a tattoo parlor, I would have simply asked her to take a jump with me off a bridge instead. And knowing Bella, she would have been game too.

We were taking bets on when we would end up getting laser removal. She gave me 6 weeks-I gave her 3 days. We imagined all the creative ways we would explain our tattoo selection to parents, future spouses, work associates. Great tall tales were being conjured up by us: dead Irish friend tributes, dead Irish grandparent tributes(even if all eight of our grandparents were still alive), symbols of luck for gambling expeditions to Vegas. Bella told me to go with the latter one, to butch up having a red clover on my back. Not exactly the height of masculinity.

"Do you know what the irony is, Edward? I've never drank or smoked pot in my life, and some say the lyrics are an ode to pot smoking. Clover being the weed, Crimson being the burn from the fire." She giggled at the thought.

"Well, I like that you represent fire," I responded.

"I'm not sure how to spin you representing weed as a good thing though."

"Maybe that I'm intoxicating and your exact brand of drug?"

She thought for a moment. "Or that you are slowly killing my brain cells with brain dead stunts like this, after which I'll have the munchies and ask you to buy me a bag of Doritos?"

Nita and Santos kept scolding us for moving too much, which would only made us look at eachother and giggle more. The needle gun was somewhat painful in a prickly way, but it wasn't intolerable. Bella smiled the whole time-she didn't look like it even bothered her. She told me she was accident prone so at this point of her life, her pain threshold was high.

--

**BPOV**

At one point Santos asked how long we had been together. Edward didn't know how to answer this, so I chimed in with the truth. "I met him yesterday because he's my new roommate's brother. And he offered to take me to Target this morning. And now he wants to ink himself to remember our Target date by. And I"m getting the clover because I'm part Irish.Or at least that's my alibi."

Santos and Nita exchanged a look and Nita said, "I was closer."

Santos countered, "You were way off actually."

We both stared at them. Nita offered an explanation. "We were betting how long you guys knew eachother."

Edward smiled. "I'm afraid to ask, but what were your guesses?"

Nita elaborated for Santos. "You want the sanitized version or the warts and all version?"

"Warts and all!" I said exuberantly.

Nita cracked a smile. "Well, you haven't been together TOO long, because you are both too excited and giggly around eachother. And you are both on your best behavior. YOU--"pointing at Edward"--are acting more gallant and nice than you really are. And you-"pointing at me" are acting extra clever and witty. Which of course means you are trying to hide your true feelings for him with humor."

I blushed, but answered, "Keep it up, I want all the gory details on how idiotic we are acting. It's like getting a tattoo and a psychic reading at the same time."

Nita chuckled. " And you haven't had sex yet, because you can't keep your hands off eachother and he keeps finding ways to brush against you. You only do that when you haven't gotten any yet." She threw a jaded look Edward's way." But it's going to happen very soon-most likely sooner now that you are sealing the deal with matching tattoos." Edward and I looked at eachother with open mouths and both started cracking up.

"I'm not planning on having sex for a long time, but other than that Nita, you are Dr. Body Language!" I was shaking my head.

Nita arched a brow. "If you aren't planning on having sex anytime soon, then you better stay away from this one. Because your body language is telling a very different story than your mouth." That shut me up quickly. I tried to change the subject. "So, what were your guesses on how long we were together?"

Santos spoke up this time. "She guessed 1 month. I guessed 6 weeks."

"Wow, Nita, I'm slightly disappointed in your guesstimation there," Edward teased.

"Well, time doesn't always tell what milestones you've crossed. But I can tell you two are emotionally intimate--have confided alot in eachother and what not.You already have your own couple's language and nicknames and code words. And the way you are both bouncing off the walls over eachother-the physical intimacy has yet to follow but it's at a boiling point. So that's usually around the one month range-for NORMAL couples."

"Well, yeah-the last 24 hours have been anything but normal," Edward said with a shy grin.

"Want one more freebie?" Nita was smirking at me, daring me to accept it.

"I'm regret it I"m sure, but why not?" I said.

"You guys are probably getting these matching tattoos because there's an urgency to forge a stronger bond in a shorter time than normal. Maybe you haven't known eachother long enough to declare your intentions to eachother, but you are basically marking your territory for the other right now in the most primal of ways. It would be more subtle if you both just took a whiz on eachother." I looked over at Edward with a shocked smile-he was giggling wickedly. Nita continued.

" OR else you both are too chicken shit to acknowledge what you have together to one another, so you are letting the tattoos do the talking."

I didn't know what to say and Edward's saucer eyes seemed to convey my feelings as well. "Dang, Edward, and I thought we were just dumb asses for getting these tats. Apparently we are chicken shits on top of it!" With that Nita and Santos cracked up.

When they were through, they showed us the finished tattoos before putting a bandage on them and sending us off with healing instructions. Edward declared he would take care of my tattoo with great care-since part of the care was moisturizing the tattoo constantly with lotion. Nita rolled her eyes. "Metaphorical whizzing, Bella. Trust me."

When we shut the door on the parlor, we burst out in laughter again. He grabbed my hand as we walked.

It took me a second to catch my breath to speak. "Oh crap, Edward! We are so dumb! Our tattoos look like Lucky Charm Cereal pieces on our bodies! They look so fruity and magically delicious!"

Edward was gasping for air at this point and put an arm around my neck while he kissed the top of my head. "I don't care if it looks like I have a piece of cereal on my shoulder, it was worth it just to sit there laughing with you the whole time while Nita told us how transparent we are."

"I think it's a good thing we are ending this date now, Edward. Because within an hour I could see us laughing and high fiving eachother while we attempted to rob a bank together. Just so we could commermorate the commemoration of our tattoos."

Edward nodded in agreement. There was something about us together that enjoyed egging one another on to do things we wouldn't normally do. It was addictive.

Just then I heard a huge moose call accompanied with a "CULLEN!" I looked across the street to see a truck with a guy driving trying to get Edward's attention. He stopped the truck mid-motion, and made a U-turn right in the middle of the street--landing the car right next to us. I felt Edward's body stiffen. Wow, was the reality check I was afraid that was coming already here?

--


	6. It's All Greek To Me

**CHAPTER SIX: IT'S ALL GREEK TO ME**

**note: I've had a couple non-American readers not know what Lucky Charms Cereal is. It's just a kid's cereal that has oat pieces but is accompanied with marshmellow pieces that come in different shapes--clovers being one of them. Many an American have begged their mothers for Lucky Charms Cereal because, as their advertising tagline confirms, "They're magically delicious!":)**

**BPOV**

The driver eyed me up and down with a smile while Edward pulled me closer. He was very handsome--dark blond hair cut close to his head, tall-he looked like an athlete of some sort-maybe a kick boxer with his particular build? "What up, Cullen?"

"Nothing. What are you up to?"

"Just cruising, Bro...just cruising." He never took his eyes off me while he talked, and it was making me uncomfortable. It had an almost predatory nature to it.

Edward reflexively moved in a protective stance, slightly angling himself in front me. I felt like a piece of meat about to be fought over by two alpha male lions. "Metaphorical whizzing," I muttered under my breath, soft enough for the driver not to hear, but loud enough for Edward to.

"Hey, I"m James. Thanks for introducing us, Cullen. Great manners." He gave me a head and eyebrow lift when he introduced himself.

"Bella." I tried to answer back as unaffected as possible.

James' smile widened. "Beautiful." Edward looked at him incredulously, and he amended his remark-but only slightly. "Beautiful name...too." Did I just hear a faint growl coming from Edward's throat? Ambercrombie gets a little ink on his back and suddenly he's Wolverine...

James looked down at the exposed bandage on my hip, back up to the "Rising Dragon" sign, and then over at a shirtless Edward . "Cullen..."he said in a knowing tone," turn around." Edward didn't move.

James leaned over and must have seen the bandage on his shoulder. "Dude, did you just get inked? Did you get inked together?" He started staring at my hip now while he bit his lip and nodded.

We just stood there, silent. There was unspoken understanding we didn't want to yell it from the rooftops that we got matching tattoos after spending approximately 8 hours total together; yet, we weren't expecting to have to explain coming out of a parlor together-with bandages. None of our "cover stories" covered up THAT well.

"Oh shit! Wait 'til I tell everyone Edward had an inking date!" He nodded his head in approval. "That's awesome, I'm jealous. Where can I find a gorgeous emo girl like you to get some quality inking time with?"

I sighed wearily.

"Oh, don't you know, James? We gorgeous emo girls all congregate at "Hot Topic" stores at the mall in between the Marilyn Manson shirt aisle and the "My Chemical Romance" sock section... just twiddling our thumbs with the hope that some strapping frat boy will snatch us up for a day of slumming. My dream finally came true today, when Edward graced me with his Greek presence."

I looked up at Edward with mocking adoration as I leaned my head on his shoulder, Edward stared back at me with unmocking adoration, while James laughed out loud. "Honey, we better get going if we want to listen to some Nine Inch Nails while we cut ourselves. You have to get me back to Hot Topic by 4:00 PM or else you'll have late charges!" Edward let loose a big, stupid grin while he pushed some of my long bangs out of my face.

James shook his head apologetically. "I deserved that. Gorgeous AND feisty. Cullen, she's out of your league."

Edward ignored him. "Listen, we have to go. I'll see you later."

James pointed his finger at him. "We on for tonight still?" He gave Edward a Chesire Cat smile that was rife with implications. I pretended not to notice.

Edward nodded cautiously as he shot me a side glance. "Yeah." Ouch. The side glance was full of implications as well. But I wouldn't bother even thinking as to why. Our first official date was still a day away-it was best not to worry about it. It wasn't my place to.

James nodded and then turned back to me. "Well, Bella I'm glad to see that Edward's tastes in women are finally improving. I thought he would never get out of his dumb blondes-only phase. I ALWAYS knew brunettes had more fun..." He winked and then sped off.

"What a patronizing kiss ass. Interesting friend you have there."

Edward shook his head: "Frat brother. And I use the term "brother" loosely." That's all he needed to say. "And I DON"T just date blondes."

I laughed out loud. "Don't sweat it, I know what he was doing. He just said that to get a rise out of you while making me think you don't like my quote-unquote" type." Which according to James, is Emo. And also according to James, that means my Emo self is a natural enemy of blondes." Edward relaxed slightly when he realized I saw what was going on.

"You guys seem a little...competitive. Not about me either-like I could have had a cokebottle glasses on and you two still would have had the same, weird exchange regardless."

He looked down at me thoughtfully. "Perceptive."

--

**EPOV**

She WAS very perceptive. I wasn't sure how much I wanted to explain to her. I could like James well enough-we got along most of the time. But there was a bit of a competition between us when it came to girls. "Well, he can be nice enough and very funny when he wants to be. He just has a big ego and can be competitive with me. He doesn't like to share the spotlight, especially when it comes to pretty girls." I tried to make it a compliment towards her, but she saw right through it.

"OH, gawd-you two are like your Fraternity stable's resident studs who compete for the same girls and you keep some sort of tally of it on a big blackboard at the Frat House, huh? " She winced at that thought. "Damnit, I"m going to have to take Alice up on her Pencillin round now." Behind her humor I could see her worry. And I was afraid I couldn't comfort her as much as I wished too. Alice had always warned me of this. That my "ways" would come back to haunt me.

Bella tried to change the subject. "Why does his license plate read "TRKER?"

I shook my head. "It stands for "Tracker." That's his self given nickname, because he thinks he's like a tracker, the way he pursues women. It's totally stupid." I stole a look her way. Her head was down and she looked disgusted.

"Will you tell me your nickname Edward?"

I winced. I couldn't.

"You don't have to." I could barely hear her voice now.

We got into the car, neither of us speaking. I felt sick, imagining her regretting ever spending the day with me, let alone getting a matching tattoo with me. She finally looked up.

"Can I be honest with you, Edward?"

I took a deep breath--I could feel this wasn't going to be good. "Of course, Bella."

"You know how much I've worked to get college. I've been working my butt off since I was 15 saving for school."

I nodded.

"Well, you know I haven't had the normal teenage life that's carefree-it's been more like an adult life taking care of my father and working and going to school. I never had time for boys for the most part. I dated some but I've never had a boyfriend. I've only kissed one boy. And you know I am a virgin."

I took her hand and kissed it gently. She continued. "I don't even know what it is we have between us. I don't want to be presumptious, so I think of you as a very special friend right now. But I wanted to ask-that in light of my background, just be careful with me."

I held her hand tighter. "Bella, I know you are putting alot of faith in me by trusting me as much as you do right now. And the last thing I want to do is make you feel foolish for showing me that trust. I know I don't deserve that trust honestly from you-my past sure as hell hasn't earned it. And that makes me all the more driven to make good on that faith you are showing in me. All I can do is hope you can see in time that the last thing I would ever want to do is to be careless with you." I kissed her softly on her forehead and slowly moved away.

She looked up at me and sweetly whispered, "Thanks."

I took out her iPod again, put one headphone in my ear, another in hers and played "Crimson and Clover" at full blast. She smiled brilliantly at me as she sat back and put her legs up on the car door, with her bare feet dangling outside the window. She looked so beautiful at that moment-her hair flying in all directions from the wind, her full lips pursed Mona Lisa style, as if she had a secret-and I might just have a clue what it was. I looked down at our clasped hands. I was more determined than ever to prove her trust right because I didn't want this to end-- whatever "this" was between Bella and me.


	7. Leather or a Plaid Miniskirt Preferred

**CHAPTER 7: Leather or a Plaid Miniskirt Preferred**

**note: Thanks for the reviews-I'm a total review ho, so I always enjoy reading them!**

**note: I got a couple pms by people worried that I"m making Edward too OOC with his skanky past. Lol. I understand the concern, but I think anytime you have a all human Edward, he will automatically be OOC--because what makes Edward Edward in many ways is being from a different era than our own, being a vampire, and being a person who has intrusive gifts like hearing everyone's thoughts. So, when I made my human Edward, I started with some things that are essential to his character but not essential to his vampirehood, psychic abilities, or other time era: and I came up with a good person who is extremely hot. I think if you are a very hot boy who is pretty mellow and nice, it would be easy to become a bit of a skank in this day and age. lol :) Hope that helps explain for those concerned that Edward is too trampy.**

**BPOV**

"If you poke my bandage again, I swear I'm going to hang you upside down by your toes from the balcony!" I had been poking Edward's bandage the whole time we walked on campus while he carried all my purchases, and he was starting to get annoyed. We were on my floor in the dorm building now, so I thought it was safe to give him one last poke before bolting for my room.

"OW! Isabella Marie Swan!" He started rushing me like a linebacker; I took off too, steering myself around students and trying to open my locked door. Just before he reached me, I lunged into my room and tried to shut it quickly.

"Not that easy, Bells!" His leg was jammed in the doorway. He pushed the door in with such force, I flew back onto my butt. I started laughing as he dropped my bags and helped me back up.

"Honey, I"m so sorry!"

"HONEY?" Both our eyes darted over to the other side of the room. We found Alice and Jasper both on her bed- watching us in complete shock. I recognized Jasper from the gazillion pictures Alice showed me the night before. She was right-the boy was beautiful. I scurried to my feet quickly and we stood before them like naughty schoolchildren about to be paddled by the principal.

"Hey, Alice..Nice to meet you Jasper." I said meekly. Jasper said hi back.

She looked us both over. "What the hell happened to you guys?" I peeked over at Edward. He had no shirt on, his face was still stained with tomato sauce, his hair was a mess. I didn't look any better, and I was barefoot on top of it.

Edward started in. "I came over this morning and you were sleeping...and Bella was going off to do some errands, so I taxied her around." He shrugged slightly with a trace of mischief on his upwardly turned lips. Alice and Jasper shot eachother knowing glances.

"Well, that explains looking like you two were lost in the wilderness for two weeks." Jasper was trying not to laugh.

Edward continued. "And then we got some spaghetti but they forgot the utensils..."

He looked at me with an arched brow as he continued: "So, we had to eat like little doggies and it got all over our faces. And then Bella broke her heel on the hike back down from our picnic area. And hiking makes you sweaty and dirty, of course..."

Edward was trying to hold back from laughing as he glanced my way. His explanation was ripe with inside jokes blantantly directed towards me, and it made me uncomfortable. Alice looked on in confusion, and I was worried she thought we were pulling one over on her.

She slowly stood up and walked to Edward's back. "What's the bandage for?" She began to lift it when Edward shirked away quickly. "Don't Alice, geesh..."

Alice smiled at his jumpiness and went in for another quick--and successful--grab. "EDWARD!" Her face was in shock as he ran away from her and jumped onto the bed with Jasper.

Jasper checked out the tattoo. "Dude, you have a Lucky Charm on your back!"

Edward looked at me with wide eyes and an open jaw as I pointed back at him. "I told you! I told you they look like Lucky Charms cereal!"

Alice was by my hip now, and honing in on my bandage. "They?" She looked at me in horror, "Oh, Bella, say it isn't so." And with one flick, she snatched off my bandage. "BELLA!"

Jasper started in now: "What does she have? A Lucky Charm horseshoe? Or a diamond? Or a heart?" Jasper shot Alice a look and raised his eyebrows up and down. They may not be together yet, but you could tell how close Jasper and Alice were. Their movements and timing with comments were seriously in sync.

"MATCHING tats, Jasper. IDENTICAL. A red clover. At least it's sexy on Bella's hip. But Edward, you know you already have problems with being seen as a dandy-this isn't going to help matters!"

--

**EPOV**

Alice grabbed Bella and rushed her outside their room. "We'll be right back gentlemen--and I use that word loosely." She slammed the door.

Jasper turned to me with a wicked smile. "Okay, now for the UN--edited-for-Alice version."

"That's the thing, Jas. There is no unedited version. It's not about that. Well, it is about that too-but it's MORE than that. She's amazing, Jas." I just shook my head.

Jasper looked puzzled. "Where is my roommate and what have you done with him?"

"I'm retiring _him_ because I want Bella, Jasper. And I can't have Bella unless I get my shit together."

Jasper pursed his lips slightly. "Well, in terms of wanting her...get in line. She's already had two guys sniffing around her dorm since I've been here, trying to see what she's doing tonight. And one in particular seemed sure they were meeting up later. Late."

My face fell. "What?"

--

**APOV**

I shut the door and then shook Bella by her shoulders. 'Bella!! What did I tell you about Edward? Sweet brother, sweet guy. TOTAL PLAYER though. You don't get "promise" tattoos with Edward after knowing him 1 day!!' I sighed in exasperation. I had warned her several times.

She just looked back at me dreamily. "Alice, I know. I know he has a past as long as my past is non-existent. But...I decided it doesn't matter."

I looked at her disbelievingly. "IT DOESN'T MATTER? Oh, yes it does matter, Bella. The past predicts the future."

"Alice, I understand that. It's just...well, it doesn't matter because something special happened to us last night and today. I am not even going to define what it is, but there's an understanding between us. I trust him to act accordingly to our...understanding."

I just shook my head at how trusting Bella was. How much confidence she had in Edward. Only someone who didn't know him more than a day could be so confident. I may have done damage control for him all throughout high school when it came to him leaving a trail of girls who trusted him, too. But I'll be damned if he thinks I'm continuing that thankless job in college. I pushed open the door.

"Edward. A word. With me. NOW." Edward looked at me uneasily.

"Just a minute, Ali." He rushed outside the door grabbing Bella's hand and shut the door.

I looked over at Jas. "She's completely gone, Jas. And she has a clover on her because of him." I threw my hands up in the air and sank down next to him.

Jasper nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. But the weird thing is...I think Edward is gone too."

--

**EPOV**

I slammed it shut and pushed her gently against the door, holding her around my waist. I looked at her intently. I needed to remember that she felt the same as I did about what has happened between us. I was losing confidence after talking to Jasper.

"You know how much last night and today meant to me, right?"

She nodded and smiled shyly. "I hope you don't mind, but I told Alice how much last night and today meant to me too. In general terms of course."

"Mind? I love it." As I said that, I noticed the dry erase white board right to the side of Bella's face for their room. I scanned it quickly before she noticed. Sure enough, two notes, two boys:

_"B--Dropped by. Wanna grab some dinner tonight? Mike"_

_"Bell-It's all set up. Don't wimp out-you are going to have fun. I'll call after work to give you an exact time. Laurent ps-leather or a plaid miniskirt preferred"_

What the hell?

"Edward?"

I looked back at her. "Yeah, sorry. I got distracted." What I was about to say was coming from an insecure place. Insecurity had alluded us all day-when we were alone. But back in our respective worlds, I felt it creeping in. Insecurity about myself and my resolve; and now, insecurity about Bella and the various distractions that were already showing up at her dorm room less than a day of her moving in.

I grabbed her waist tighter. "Bella, what if you took my hand right now and we just...left. What if we just ditched everyone again. Right now." I grabbed her hand, wanting more than anything for her to say yes. Then we can get away from prying roommates, frat brother nights out, James, Jessica, Mike--and especially Laurent. Who the hell is Laurent...

Bella smiled and tightened her grip on my waist. "If it weren't for Alice, I would say yes in a minute. But when you were making all the inside jokes my way, I noticed Alice was hurt. I don't want her to feel shut out with what's going on between us. So, how about I roomie bond tonight and we meet up for breakfast tomorrow?"

I eyed her suspiciously. "You don't have anywhere to go tonight?"

She looked at me innocently. "No. I thought I'd just kick it with Alice and get to know her better. Maybe we can get a tattoo of Captain Crunch together before midnight if everything is going well. You Cullen kids have a way with me and my judgement. " She winked at me, and I had to laugh.

Just then, Nomi and Chloe walked by. I had hooked up with the Chloe last year, and she were never shy about letting me know I could resestablish that hook-up at any time. They purred my name in unison and I sheeplishly nodded but otherwise didn't acknowledge them.

Bella looked at them, and began cracking up with a knowing smile. "You know, Edward. You really are a huge manwhore. But you are MY manwhore."

She leaned up towards me and kissed my cheek. Having her so close to me, her lips touching my skin, her fragrance surrounding me-I literally felt the same jolt I did the first time I touched her hand. I forgot about my worries for a moment and remembered what drew me to her in the first place.

"Metaphorical whizzing," I stammered out after I caught my breath.

She giggled. "That was so whizzical of me." She bit her lip and narrow her eyes at me. "Now, don't add any tally points to the manwhore blackboard at your frat house with James tonight. I trust you." She tapped my nose lightly with her finger.

I heard Alice complaining loudly about us taking too long. I decided to leave before she came out. "Bella, I need to go then if you won't come with me. I can't deal with Alice beating me up right now for falling for her roomate." We both grinned. "But...Bella. I trust you too. Okay? I trust you to not forget what happened today." I kissed her again on the forehead, willing her in that moment to not do anything stupid tonight. With that I turned and hurried off while hollering, "Tell Jasper to meet me back at our room."

--

**BPOV**

For the first time, I felt a slight twinge of worry. When he kept telling me he trusted me, it was almost like he was trying to convince himself more than me. Was he worried he couldn't trust me? Was he worried he couldn't trust himself? Was he worried he couldn't trust himself tonight in particular?

I slowly walked into the dorm. "Sorry, Alice. Edward left right now. He told me to tell you, Jasper, that he'll meet you back in your room." Jasper made a quick exit soon after my announcement, and Alice and I were finally alone.

I was about to inquire about a possible roomie bonding date night together when she took the conversation in a different direction.

"Okay, enough about my dumb brother. Who is this hot bitch Laurent and what does he have up his sleeve for you tonight??"

--


	8. Bella Gets Her JEM Doll On

**CHAPTER 8: BELLA GETS HER JEM DOLL ON**

**note: Just in case you guys are not American or within the 20's age range, in the 80's there was a very popular cartoon series and doll collection known as "Jem"--the lead character being a lead singer in a rock band. Gwen Stefani so stole Jem's style!lol**

**note: thanks for the reviews-always appreciated!**

**BPOV**

"Laurent? Wait, back up, Alice...what about Laurent?" I listened while holding my breath.

Alice shrugged. "Laurent came by while you were gone, left a message on our whiteboard messenger, and told me to make sure you go tonight. He wasn't sure how to reach you since you don't have a cell phone, so I gave him my cell number to reach you with... He's gorgeous, but what's up with him wanting to pick out what you wear on your date?"

I rushed over to the note and read it:" "**Bella-It's all set up. Don't wimp out-you are going to have fun. I'll call after work to give you an exact time. Laurent ps-leather or plaid miniskirt preferred**"

I looked at Alice with wide eyes and sank onto my bed. "Oh my God, Alice. I think I"m going to be sick."

--

**EPOV**

It took me all of 10 minutes to snoop around the fraternity and find someone who knew Laurent. At least I think it's the same one-it sounded about right. He was a psych grad student who TA's introductory psych undergraduate courses.

"Doesn't talk much. Wears alot of leather." added my friend Josh. Bingo. The note Laurent left mentioned him "preferring" leather on her. Grrrrr...

More importantly, this Laurent played in a local band. A local band that was playing at _Suede_ tonight. The same club where Bella had told me yesterday she had "heard" there were some good bands playing. The same club yesterday I wanted to take Bella and Alice with Jasper to hear these good bands.

Josh interrupted my thoughts. "Alot of the girls in my class where he's the TA act like they don't understand things so they can try to set up tutoring sessions with him. You know how chicks dig the sensitive rocker bad guy with nipple piercings..."

Don't I know it.

--

**APOV**

"Why are you going to be sick, Bella?" I sat down next to her and put an arm around her.

"Alice, will you come with me tonight? I need someone to be there with me." She still looked dazed.

"To what? Your date with Laurent?"

She shook her head and then threw her head back while she pinched her nose. "Oh gosh, it's not a date. Let me back up. Okay...so I'm on my way to the hair salon yesterday to cut off all my hair."

I raised an eyebrow. "This is a new haircut? How much is "all my hair?"

She smiled. "15 inches. But I"m getting us off track.On the way to the salon, I saw a sign up at one of the buildings on campus that they were holding open auditions. For a guitarist or singer, specifically. The band seems to have a revolving door of members, where they cover their bases by having more than one member for each spot."

I nodded.

She looked at me for a minute. "Really fast, Alice-how do you see me honestly? In terms of my demeanor."

I thought for a moment. "Bold, very smart and witty, warm, pretty, stylish..."

She laughed out loud. "Well, I"m flattered, but those "things" you listed are new to me. In high school, I didn't let alot of my personality out. I held almost everything in, just buying my time while I waited to get out of high school. If you knew me then, you'd say I was quiet--if you had noticed me at all to begin with."

Bella took a big breath. "So...I promised myself that with college, I was going to break out of my shell more, and try new things."

I sighed sarcastically, "uh huuuuh..." as I peeked down at her bandaged hip. She laughed.

"I saw the open audition sign, and decided that was a good first step of putting my money where my mouth was. I didn't expect anything from it-I'm not that good on the guitar honestly and I've never performed live. But I went in there with as much attitude as a I could. I was cracking them up more with my jokes than entertaining them with my playing." She smiled sheepishly.

I started understanding. "Wait--Laurent was one of the guys from the band then?"

She nodded. "He was really honest with me. He said my guitar playing needed alot of work-I need to tighten up my playing big time. But he liked my voice and my attitude and the fact I was a girl. He said a girl singer is a plus around here near campus. So, he was going to talk to the other members about letting me sit in on a couple songs for tonight at their gig. Like a sort of second audition. When he said he had to talk to the other members, I honestly thought it was just a nice way for him to let me down easy--like a don't call us, we'll call you thing."

I started laughing. "But now, they expect you to really sing tonight right?"

Her eyes were very wide looking back at me. "And play. What did I get myself into, Alice?"

I thought for a moment. "More importantly, Bella, what are you going to get yourself into, clotheswise? You seriously look like a cast member from "Survivor: Fiji" on the 25th day where they are starving and haven't changed for 10 days..."She looked down, remembering she was still a mess from her day out with my brother.

"If I"m going out tonight with you as your first official groupie and you are going to transform into JEM the living doll rock star, we need to start getting ready!"

--

**EPOV**

I was pretending like everything was normal. I was joking around with my friends, including Jasper. Getting ready for tonight casually. But the whole time, I was concocting a plan in my head. The guys were planning on roaming some bars before heading out to a club where there was sure to be the new influx of co-eds present. I positioned my way right next to James, because I knew my plan would only be put in action if I got James on board.

"So, Cullen, why the hell are you making Jessica tag along with you tonight? _Cilly's_ is going to be packed with new freshman meat, not yesterday's lunch specials."

I laughed good naturedly along with him, and it threw him for a loop. He meant to offend me. "Well, blame it on Jasper making me double date with him so he can get to know Jess's friend better. We'll probably just meet up with you guys at one of the clubs though later after going to dinner."

I leaned in closer for dramatic effect. " And Cilly's isn't the place that is suppossed to be packed with new girls. It's suppossed to be _Suede_. Not that it will do me any good, with Jess hanging on for dear life." I rolled my eyes unconsciously-Jess was one of those personal space challenged individuals.

James laughed. "Jessica is clingy. I don't know how you can stand her. Especially after spending the day with your HOT Topic girl. Wait-what about _Suede_?" He emphasized "hot" to get a rise out of me-it worked.

"Shut up James." I had to calm down though, because I needed James' help right now. "I'm just saying-if you want quality pursuits, you would head to _Suede_. I talked to Lani earlier and she told me all the KD girls were heading out there tonight. And where the KD girls go, you know quality newbies are sure to follow. " The Kappa Delta girls on our campus were considered the cream of the crop. I hadn't even seen Lani today, but I knew throwing out that piece of KD misinformation would rearrange Jame's whole new "tracking" plan for tonight.

He looked at me, sincerely touched by alleged selflessness. "Thanks, Cullen. With this new intel, I think we need to make a change of plans." Sucker. "Now, give me Bella's number, and we'll call it even." Ass. Even for what?

Everything was now set in motion-we would be heading to _Suede_ as a group. And I would get to see who this Laurent was. The Laurent who had the nerve to tell Bella to wear leather for when they met up tonight. "Later." That was Jasper's exact word. Later as in after bonding with my sister and then leaving after she fell asleep? Later after he gets off work-as in after he plays at Suede? Wouldn't that make "later" around 2:00 in the morning? And have her meet him "later" In leather? Or a plaid miniskirt? My mind was racing in too many directions.

"Jas, hand me another beer." He did, but somewhat reluctantly.

"You okay, Edward? Pace yourself-it's only five o'clock and we have a long night ahead."

I nodded with a fake smile. He had no clue how true that last sentence was.

--


	9. Lil' Miss Sunshine

**Chapter 9: Lil' Miss Sunshine**

**note: This chapter has several accompanying links on my profile for: Bella's peformance outfit, Alice in her club wear, Laurent, and the song Bella sings in her debut. Listening to the song while I proofread made me giggle profusely.**

**note: The "f bomb" is used alot here, just a warning. Mainly because it's a part of the lyrics of the song. But still, just wanted to warn people. I won't have this type of language in other chapters, it's just that this is a big hot mess chapter in terms of people messing up, so the f bomb is somewhat context appropriate.lol**

**note: thanks for reviews-my review ho self loves them-each and everyone!**

**--**

**BPOV**

"So, are you going with leather, or a plaid miniskirt," Alice asked as she rummaged through my somewhat limited wardrobe while I looked on, freshly showered and hanging out in my robe.

I shook my head. "Naw, neither. Both are such regulation outfits for the obligatory lead singer girl in a rock band, I'd feel like a big cliche up there. I'm thinking I should wear something anti-regulation. No plaid, no black, no fishnet stockings under boots-"

"Well, Little Miss Sunshine," winking my way, apparently having caught onto Edward's nickname for me, "decide quickly-its getting late."

"Little Miss Sunshine...that's my theme tonight! Alice, I'm going in yellow." I looked through all my clothes, but quickly realized I didn't have much yellow to choose from. I took out the one dress I did have-it was a very casual, cotton type of dress I would wear to the beach as a bikini coverup during summer. It was miniskirted, but the top was especially modest with a high cut neckline and long sleeves. I put it up to my chest and showed Alice. "This wouldn't work, would it." It wasn't even a question, just a verbal confirmation on my part.

But Alice surprised me-she picked it up, looked it over with great concentration while nodding and pulling at it in various ways, and then gave me her assessment. "This has potential Bella, this has potential. And with that, she picked up a pair of scissors, and cut off the right sleeve.

"Alice!"

--

**JPOV**

Dinner had been especially uncomfortable once Edward decided to use the "restroom" and didn't come back for 30 minutes. Entertaining Lauren while Jessica constantly asked if I should check on him was next to impossible. I finally gave into her requests and went to go fetch him. I knew he was stewing over Bella, so I expected to find him right where I did--inside my car in the parking lot, listening to his iPod at full blast and drinking yet again from the stash in my trunk for the clubbing post-game.

"Edward, knock it off and get inside. I can't get a word in edgewise with them by myself. "

Edward laughed. "Wow, Jas, you sure know how to lure me back." He took another swig from the bottle, and I swiped it away.

"Hey-give it back."

I shook my head. "No. Man up, Edward. I seriously doubt Bella is gettting piss drunk over the fact you are on a date. So you both made plans with others before you declared your love with ink." My voice was dripping with sarcasm and he shot me back a murderous look." She didn't cancel her date, and you didn't either. Get over it, have fun tonight like I'm sure she is, and then you can go back to mooning over her like a sick cow in the morning."

I knew my words stung him because he flinched when I mentioned she didn't cancel her date. But it got him back inside and acknowledging Jessica again, to her overzealous surprise. Mission accomplished-now back to Lauren...

--

**BPOV**

Did I mention I was starting to think I was more in love with Alice than Edward right now? Wait, am I in love with Edward? Alice smiled at me triumphantly, looking me over. She looked gorgeous right now-she was already done up in a pink and black dress that was ultra feminine and girly. We paired it with some engineer boots I had to dirty the look up a little, and it was a sexy combination. Her hair was extra spikey for tonight, with makeup really emphasizing her eyes and lips. These Cullens-they hit the jackpot in the gene pool lottery.(**I have a picture of my Alice in her club outfit in my profile-check it out)**

"Alice, you are a genius!" I couldn't contain my squeal of surprise-within 20 minutes of cutting and hemming after whipping out her sewing machine, Alice had completely re-invented my summer cover up dress. It was now strapless, but she saved the sleeves and reworked them so that they now fit back like long sleeved gloves. I paired it with my steel toe retro modified Doc Martins, and I was feeling fierce. Alice even did my makeup-I told her I wanted anti-smokey eyes, so she gave me a glimmery summery look, complete with pink shades for eye shadows and blushes and lip gloss. **(Picture of the Bella's reworked dress on my profile).**

All my look needed was a couple finishing touches. I handed her a sharpie pen. "Okay, now write "Lil' Miss Sunshine" on my ass."

She looked at me with an open mouth and a giggle. "What?"

"Alice, I'm basically walking into a Lion's Den right now. I bet half the band is going to be completely unimpressed with my guitar skills and stage presence, and you know alot of the club regulars are going to think I suck right off too--because it's always fun to play the musical snob and criticize the new girl and call her a Arvil Lavigne reject."

Alice furrowed her eyebrows. "No, I don't know that actually. I have lived in a bubble most of my life, with overprotective brothers and best friends and parents. I've never been to a club to be honest."

I hadn't realized that. "Oh. Well, basically if I"m going to go into the Lion's Den, I'm going in with as much anti-regulation armor as possible-the dress, the makeup-and some phrases to help me get through the songs. Having my nickname from Edward on my bum? It will just give me more bravado to not care what others think." I blushed slightly-did she pick up that I was getting strength from Edward?

While she wrote my nickname on the back of my dress, I quickly called Mike to see if he wanted to meet us at _Suede_ and keep Alice company while I was backstage. He was game, and I was relieved. Knowing that Alice was new to clubbing, the last thing I wanted was her standing in a corner alone while she saw me crash and burn onstage!

"It's set-my friend Mike from high school will chill with you while I"m backstage and stuff."

Alice looked relieved. "Thanks, Bella. But I have one more favor." She smiled at me wickedly.

"What?"

"Can I add a couple words of strength to your dress as well?"

I laughed. "Of course!"

She quickly, yet artistically, wrote down phrases that I started to sound out... "Out...rage...ous.." She wrote another, "It's...Showtime...Syngery!" I cracked up and almost fell to the ground-she was putting "JEM DOLL" catchphrases on me.

When she was done, I gave her a huge hug. "Alice, I don't think I've ever adored a person more in this moment!" I was still laughing and couldn't quite compose myself.

"Well, just don't let Edward know you said that so he doesn't beat me up, and it's all good."

"EDWARD!" I screamed out reflexively. Alice asked me what was wrong.

"Okay, he's out with his boys tonight and I don't want to bother him. But can you do me a favor? Can you take a picture of "Lil' Miss Sunshine" on my bum and send it to him with a short message?"

She snapped the shot. "Sure. What's the message?"

I smiled. "I metaphorically whizzed myself for you tonight."

--

**EPOV**

We had been in _Suede_ for almost an hour when I finally saw Laurent. He was the biggest cliche, walking around in leather pants with no shirt on, forcing you to stare at his nipple rings. He had chick hair too-it was like a guy version of Bella's hair. I can't imagine Bella being into this guy.

"OH MY GOD, he is so gorgeous!" Lauren's assessment of Laurent as he walked by made Jessica giggle.

"Shh...They'll hear you..." Jessica whispered- very loudly I may add. "He looks like a hot vampire from an Anne Rice novel."

All their babbling over Laurent's "hotness" caused me to act on my wish. I jumped off the barstool, and had to steady myself a little as I walked over to him. He was standing alone-looking around the club as if he was searching for someone.

"HEyyyyy..." I said.

He looked me over a little condescendingly--probably because I was in full Ambercrombie gear instead of the more regulatory rock poser outfits like everyone else in the club. "Hey." He continued searching the crowd.

"You Laurent?"

He continued to look at me indignantly-I felt like smacking that smug look on his face. "Yeah. Do I know you?"

"No, but you probably should." I smirked back at him, thinking of Bella's clover on her hip at that moment. My tattoo. On my Bella...

"Do you need to sit down? You look a little wobbly."

"No. I'm fine." He was being so smug with me, taunting me like I couldn't hold my liquor...wait...what was I going to say...woah, I needed to steady myself..."You know Bella?" There I said it. I put it out there.

He scrunched his eyes. "Yeah...why?"

I scrunched my eyes back at him while I put my arm out on the bar counter for support. "You think it's appropriate... to ask an 18 year old girl... to wear a tiny plaid miniskirt... for your own amusement? Like she's some piece of meat?" I wanted to stand taller, so I let go of the bar. I felt a rush of anger, like I needed to hit something- or someone. I could feel my fists clench as I breathed in through my nostrils and my chest puffed out reflexively.

"Woah, Edward, there you are," I could hear Jasper's voice-it sounded alarmed. He roughly pushed me back. "Hey, Laurent, what's up?"

Laurent just looked at him with a smirk. "Hey. I think you need to get your friend some coffee and have him sit down-he's almost fallen twice now."

"I'm Edward. My name is EDWARD." I spat out as Jasper escorted me away. We were almost back to Jessica and Lauren now. "Get off me, Jasper." I pushed at him, and Jasper leaned in. "Stop acting like an idiot and sit down right now. You are making a scene.You've always been bad at holding your liquor."

I looked up and saw Jessica in front of me, her eyes bright and wide.She smiled triumphantly as I sat back down on the stool. She shoved her body in between my legs, wrapped her arms around my neck tightly, and whispered, "Edward, watching your get jealous was so hot right now. Let's get out of here."

I heard what she said, but I couldn't answer. I just wanted to lay my head on her shoulder and sleep. Sleep off thoughts of Laurent, and Bella with Laurent, and Bella with Laurent in a leather skirt, or maybe she'd decide on the plaid...plaid...Bella...my Bella...

I felt a nudging and smelled Jessica's breath hitting my face. So unlike Bella's floral scent, hers was more like stale beer mixed with Altoid mints. God, I hate Altoids. I tried to focus back on Bella's scent--like freeshia...freeshia...Alice would laugh at me if she heard me say freeshia, she'd call me a "dandy"...Dandies... "Edward! Are you awake?"

--

**BPOV**

Mike and Alice hit it off right away--Mike could be annoying at times in high school, but he had a good heart and was naturally chivalrous. He was attempting to get Alice a coke when I scurried off to the back to find Laurent. I felt naseous as I was taken to a back room where the band was assembled. Laurent stood up. "Bella, you made it."

I instantly saw the battle lines drawn-Laurent and two of the other members smiled at me in a welcoming manner. All the guys were dressed pretty casually-except for Laurent. Boyfriend was working some leather pants and nipple rings instead of a shirt.Two other members though looked at me like I was a joke. Which was okay, cause I had jokes written on my dress. Laurent didn't bother introducing anyone, he just went over the couple songs we had planned on performing together and gave me last minute instructions since we were suppossed to go on now. I felt my stomach churning as Laurent was explaining some musical cues and I looked out into the audience. It was then that I saw Alice. She looked very upset and Mike looked like he was trying to console her. Poor Mike-always condemned to be shoulder to cry on. She kept looking back behind her and then looking away quickly.

I was trying to look in the direction of where she was glancing-and then I saw. Jasper on a stool, a girl in front of him, totally devouring him in mid makeout. His hands were roaming. My heart sank. I looked more closely. Jasper was with a whole crew of his boys it seemed. I saw James chatting up a girl, several more boys in between, Jasper, and then to the side of Jasper- hair. Brilliant copper hair sticking out from over a girl's shoulder. Hands lazily wrapped around her lower back and slowly falling lower, as she was whispering to him.

Well, color me naive.I instantly thought of my stupid text message and picture I sent to him earlier, and felt like the biggest fool. I had imagined him thinking of me at that moment the way I was about him. I bet he looked at it while he was in mid grope with this girl who's all over him. I let out a huge breath and looked at Laurent, while I held back tears: "I can't go out there. Not right now."

Laurent had been watching my eyes and he cocked his head. "Is this about some guy named Edward?" I put my head down and nodded. How did he know?

"I can't go out there right now, I think I'm going to be sick." I was shaking at this point.

Laurent took my shoulders. "If I can assume what's going on right now, then going out there onstage and kicking ass while looking the way you do is the best revenge possible. And then you won't make me look dumb in front of the others for wanting to take a chance on you. Some aren't thrilled that I'm plopping you right up onstage like this instead of giving you another audition first. But I trust you."

I laughed at that phrase. He was right when I thought about it-did I want to confront Edward tomorrow about what I saw, while I"m in pajamas and no makeup, looking like a sulking 12 year old girl? Or would I like to get it out of the way, onstage, glammed up, and wearing steel toed boots? Man it up, Swan, you can break down later.

"Well, at least someone's trust won't be screwed with tonight. Okay, let's go make an ass of myself. It's showtime, Synergy!"

Laurent's eyes flickered with recognition. "Jem was my first love!"

We walked out onstage, and I heard a huge moose yelp. Stupid James. I was getting other catcalls and it was interesting to realize that when a room full of male eyes are on you, you are suddenly made aware of how little clothing you truly have on you. I walked to the mike stand, took a deep breath, and rubbed my crimson clover tattoo...Inner Joan Jett, don't fail me now...(**Bella's debut song is on my profile, playing while reading the next part made me laugh out loud for some reason)**

--

**EPOV**

I was nodding off again on Jessica's shoulder. She swiveled slightly, letting my hands fall lower onto her ass. I could have moved them, but what was the point? Bella was probably trying on her leather miniskirt for Laurent right now and he'd be all over that in the first 10 minutes. An opening guitar riff started and I heard the following lines:

**Met a girl, thought she was grand**

**fell in love, found out first hand**

**went well for a week or two**

**then it all came unglued...**

I laughed into Jessica's chest. I loved this song. "She Hates Me" from Puddle of Mudd. I always thought it was a hilarious song-but now the lyrics taunted me. The funny song about a dumb ass who can't get a girl to love him back was now a documentary of the last day in the life of Edward Cullen. I sputtered out into Jessica's chest, "Try it went well for an **hour** or two...I didn't even get to a week..."

"What Edward?" Jessica whispered into my ear. It was so hot in the club, and my mind was so hazy. I felt like I might get sick. God, why did Jessica keep eating those damn Altoids? The scent of stale club breath and Altoids was only making me feel more naseous...

**never thought I'd be the one who'd slip**

**then I started to realize**

**I was living one big lie**

I knew the the next lines well, and started screaming them into Jessica's chest. **"SHE FUCKIN' HATES ME!TRUST! SHE FUCKIN' HATES ME! LALALALA"** Stupid song, I don't know why I ever liked it. Stupid Laurent. He probably picked it out just to piss me off...the heat from the club was killing me now, I needed to go outside for some air. But my body felt so heavy...Wait, I know the next line...I started singing,"**I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none and ripped them away"** It was so weird how I felt like I was floating at that moment, like I wasn't grounded on my stool--

"Edward?" Jessica purred in my ear and then leaned over to kiss me.

"Bella.." I moved in and kissed her back...

--

**BPOV**

I"m a masochist. I got up onstage to make Edward regret ever touching that frizzy haired girl, and he'd yet to come up for air from her. He was grabbing her ass right in front of me. He didn't even realize I was up here. Jasper did. He look stunned, and tried to jab Edward a couple times, but Edward never responded. James recognized me the minute I came out, and hadn't stopped making those stupid Moose yelps the whole time. My only comfort was seeing Alice jump up and down and pointing over at Jasper screaming, **" I FUCKIN' HATE YOU**!" gleefully while Mike jumped with her during the chorus. Aw, Alice still loves me at least. Okay, second verse...don't mess this up, he's bound to come up for air at some point...

**She was queen for about an hour**

**after that shit got sour**

**she took all I ever had**

**no sign of guilt**

**no feeling of bad, no**

I noticed Jasper trying to jab him again, but I couldn't bother with him any more, the bridge was coming up and I had to concentrate...Stupid Shiny Volvo Owner..As I looked into the sea of faces, I was able to get back on track mentally. Seeing everyone swaying and moving enthusiastically to me and the band was...intoxicating.

--

**EPOV**

"Edward!" I startled at Jessica's scolding tone. I must have nodded off mid-kissing Jessica, because my hands were on her ass and her tongue was in my mouth. I pushed her away gently and tried to shake my head to wake up.

"Edward!"Jasper jabbed me.

"Everyone's yelling my name...too loud...stop..." I shook my head one more time to fully wake up.

"No one's yelling but you." Jasper then slapped me on the back of my head. "LOOK. IN FRONT OF YOU."

"Cullen!" Before I could look, yet another person was calling me-James from my left. He raised his beer to me. "Thanks for making us come here. I wouldn't miss this for the world!" He was smirking at me something wicked.

So, I turned. In front of me--and I almost fell off the stool. There she was. Bella. Looking like a goddess. A rock goddess. Her eyes were closed while she played her guitar-was she the one singing the whole time? She wasn't now. She was playing the bridge and her head was shaking to the beat, her hair flying everywhere. She was keeping the beat with her feet as well, bouncing up and down strongly as she played, her breasts moving up and down provocatively. Seeing her grip the guitar, closing her eyes, and bouncing with her mouth slightly apart was the most sensuous thing I've ever seen. I pushed Jessica off me in a swift motion. Had she seen me?

Jasper said flatly, "Dude, I guess she didn't have a date with Laurent afterall."

--

**BPOV**

I was starting into the last verse and looked straight back at a wide eyed Edward and decided to change the words slightly to be from a girl's point of view:

**that's my story, as you see**

**learned my lesson and so did he**

**now it's over and i'm glad**

I snarled out the last line, while he looked on horrified:

**'cause i'm a fool for all i've said!**

With that I took a cue from Alice and let out the next line with a huge, gutteral wail:

--

**EPOV**

Bella looked me straight in the eye and wailed out:

**I FUCKING HATE YOU!**

Without missing a beat, she went back to the normal lyrics while playing it up to the enthusiastic audience:

**Trust-- She Fucking Hates Me--LA LA LA LA**

Everything was rushing at me all of the sudden. How I misunderstood Laurent's message. My drunken fueled conversation with Laurent. My druken fueled makeout session with Jessica in front of Bella. Bella telling me telling me to be careful with her. Bella telling me she trusted me, Bella not wanting to feel like a fool for trusting me...What have I done, but just confirm every fear of hers right in front of her eyes right now?

**LALALALALALALALALA**

Now Laurent was sharing her mic with her with those damn Lala's. He looked over at my direction and smirked. She let out one last wail:

"**SHE FUCKING HATES ME!"**

She looked down in the audience and blew a kiss-to Alice. The crowd erupted in applause and hollers. A huge amount of the hollering coming from my own group. I just looked around me, stunned, frozen on how to proceed from there.

"CULLEN!" I looked over at James.

"I may not be a psychic or anything, but you know Bella? I think she... FUCKING HATES YOU!"

--


	10. Curbside Confessions

**Edward:**

The crowd eventually quieted down; well, with the exception of James. All of the sudden he was pretending to be "this close" with her in front of the other guys, screaming for her by name and waving at her. Idiot.

Bella was beaming onstage -her smile made me forget what a mess everything was between us. Her chest was heaving slightly, and I could tell she was rubbing her tattoo over her skirt with her thumb. It tugged at my heart to see her thumb her tattoo for some reason - as if I was the only one to realize that the fiercely beautiful girl at the center of everyone's attention was actually having to will herself to stay onstage at that moment. Unlike other girls who would pay to have that much focus on them, Bella actually had to work hard at accepting that much notice. That she was rubbing that little mark on her hip for strength so that she didn't go straight back to her "old" self, as she called her. The old self that liked to be lost in the crowd and not be found. I knew this girl, even if in the last several hours of madness, I had forgotten that I had.

But then she looked at me, and her smile drained. She suddenly seemed self conscious and quickly turned away to whisper something to Laurent. I knew I had no right and that I was the biggest hypocrite in the world, but seeing him lean in close to her and put his hand on her shoulder while whispering back made my anger flare up again. She nodded in acknowledgement to whatever he said, and was back at her microphone. Without a word to the audience, she led the band into another song.

In "my world," a self admittedly insulated place, I was used to being up front and center and wanted. I was used to having people in my world naturally gravitate towards me, become satellites around me. Especially girls. But Bella wasn't from my world. She didn't gravitate to the same things about me that others did. She didn't settle for what I usually offered people - she expected more from me. It was my turn to satellite around her. And watching her command a whole audience the way she did right now with just the slightest raising of an eyebrow, I wondered if even when I gave her more, it would be enough.

Jessica put her hand on my arm, "What's wrong, Edward?"

And then I remembered - my "more" had already been proven insufficient tonight.

**xx**

**Bella:**

After my two song "set," Laurent gave me a shoutout and the crowd's enthusiastic response actually tickled me pink. Even James in the back by the bar jumping up and down and throwing up "touchdown" signs at me was almost endearing.

Almost.

As I was walking off, the band member who was least happy about my presence said loudly to his ally, "She can't play worth shit, put her volume down if she comes back onstage."

I flinched at the harshness in his tone, and he caught my reaction. He looked me square in the eyes before adding: "Did you really think they were cheering you on because of your mastery of the guitar instead the fact you were bouncing your tits all over the stage?"

Laurent caught the last sentence and began to exchange quiet words with him, but I didn't stay to hear the exchange. I rushed offstage and out the back door to get some air. Today played out like the story of my life. I may see something or someone I want. I may even get close enough to be within grasp of it--but it always remained at arm's length, just slightly out of grasp. I was starting to remember why I DIDN'T bust out of my shell earlier--it always opened you up to letting people stomp all over the parts of you that matter the most-like your heart and your ego. In my experience, the stomping part usually comes on way too early to make the benefits worth it.

"Bella?" I startled and looked up. There was Edward in front of me. I groaned - he was the last person I wanted to see. I put my head back down to my arms, which were folded on top of my bent knees as I sat on the curb.

"Are you crying? What did that guy say to you-up onstage right now." He sat down beside me, and put his arm around me. I recoiled at his touch and looked at him in disbelief.

"Edward! Please don't do that." He looked like I had kicked him in the stomach. Welcome to the club. He retreated from my personal space slowly.

"I'm sorry. I just saw what happened and wanted to check on you."

"I'm fine. I just need a minute to be alone right now." My voice wavered slightly - the tears were falling a little more quickly now and I tried to hide my face again in my arms. I hated crying to begin with - and crying with an audience was downright apalling for me.

"Bella...I know I'm the last person you want to talk to right now--"

"Bingo! Give the man a prize." I was going for sarcastic, but I ended up sounding like a cornball. A large group of people could be heard approaching us in the parking lot. Edward was making a shuffling sort of noise beside me.

"Here. Just let me cover you for a second while they pass by." He whispered. Edward put his arms around me and covered me with his upper body like we were hugging. I pulled in towards him hesitantly, hating the fact that his scent was as alluring as ever, even post drinking and sucking face. I hated him feeling me like this-all whimpery and pathetic, with my shoulders shaking slightly and my breathing erratic. Once they passed, he quickly took his arms off and set me free.

I peeked up and saw him offering me his undershirt-the shuffling noise must have been him taking it off earlier and putting his outer shirt back on. "Wipe your face and tears with this. If Alice taught me one thing, it's that girls hate it when their mascara runs in public."

My breath hitched--"Ugh, mascara--I forgot I was wearing makeup for a minute." I took the shirt and unthinkingly inhaled when it was near my face. If there was a Hallmark card that congratulated someone for being the best smelling boy in the world and I didn't feel like castrating him at the moment, I'd send that greeting his way. I tried to clean up my face but it felt like I was smearing it more. I sighed in fustration.

"Can I?" Edward asked, his voice full of caution. I reluctantly agreed, and he took back his undershirt while positioning us both so we were face to face. He gently dabbed my face to clean up the running makeup. I refused to look at him at first as he dabbed, focusing upward at the moon instead; but when I finally did make eye contact, I started to lose it again. He was looking back at me so sadly as my eyes welded up with a new set of tears. Tears he knew were because of him, not the idiot back onstage.

"Bella, you don't know how sorry I am. I..." His voice was getting uneven now and it was his turn to hide his eyes.

"Not right now, Cullen." I snatched the undershirt and finished dabbing myself. "I need to get over what happened right now onstage. Laurent was thinking of having me go back for another song later and I need to pull it together. I don't want them seeing me act all... girly." I took in a deep breath, sat up straight, and flung my head backwards to try to stop the tears.

As I exhaled, Edward asked quietly, "What did he say to you Bella? Whatever he said, it sucked the light right out of your face."

I snorted. Nice to know how transparent I was in front of everyone. 'Uh, long story short-he thinks my playing's worth "shit" and that the only reason the audience responded well to me was because I quote-unquote bounced my tits all over the stage." My face hardened with that last sentence. It still stung to think about what he said. I slouched back down, placing my chin on my knees.

Edward let out a low sigh . "What would possess him to do that to you?"

I laughed out loud. "Pot. Kettle. Black...but that's for another time."

Edward put his head down when he realized what he walked into. " I just mean, I don't know why he would say that to you - you were amazing up there."

I shook my head. "Part of the reason it hurts is because it's true. My playing sucked on the second song especially. I've ony been playing for three years, it's not like I've been doing this forever...I've never had formal training, just my dad showing me chords on the guitar here and there..." I could feel my breathing getting uneven again. Why was this getting to me so badly? I buried my head again in anticipation for another round of tears.

"Bella... I hate what I've done tonight, but it doesn't take away from the fact that I feel like I know you. Well. And once I started watching you onstage, Bella? You have no idea how much I was holding my breath for you. Because I know how hard you are on yourself, and I knew that you would beat yourself up for the slightest mistake, instead of feeling good for everything you did right."

His words hit me-it was true. I had let him in enough in the last day that if he was listening carefully, he would have known that about me. I just shook my head harder in my lap.

"And I know how hard it was for you to get up on that stage and have all that attention on you. I saw you up there, constantly rubbing your tattoo for good luck. Willing your inner Joan Jett to remain front and center." He let out a sad laugh as he softly began to rub my back. It felt like the touch of a friend, not a boy who was trying to get back into my good graces. I didn't reject it this time.

"So, Bella, when I saw you look happy - no - triumphant onstage? I felt like my heart was going to burst. I was so proud of you. That's why I can't believe the one time you actually let yourself enjoy it, someone randomly tries to rip you out of that moment."

His words hit too close to home-not just about what happened onstage, but what happened with him. I reflexively jerked my back away from his touch. He withdrew it quickly, and said sorry again.

"It's just..."I was trying to not break down again, but I needed to get this out-it was the thing that was affecting me the most."I put everything I had out there right now. And it felt so amazing. But to think that all it looked like in the end was some bimbo onstage shaking her boobs..." I started breathing harder,"that makes me feel sick.T wihat's why I purposely picked songs that weren't all sexy and...and.. shit..." I felt more tears rushing down as I looked at him.

Edward looked at me in shock, his mouth wide-opened. "Isabella Marie Swan! Do you think any bimbo could go onstage and get the whole crowd going like you did? YOU, not the band, Bella. If you were a bimbo, would the girls have responded along with the guys, the way they did? Do you think James would have given you a touchdown sign if you came off like a talentless bimbo? Hell no-he would have just stuck his hands forward and pretended he was squeezing your chest while sticking his tongue out at you instead."

I let a giggle escape, and he was encouraged. "James giving you a touchdown really is the ultimate sign of respect from him honestly, now that I think of it. It was a completely nonsexual gesture towards a girl he's been sexualizing since the minute he laid eyes on her. That's quite a feat, Sunshine."

I cocked my head. "Well, he actually did stick out his tongue a couple times in my direction while I played..."

He turned at looked at me and sneered. "I missed that..."

I snickered a little louder this time.

"Bella..." He paused, smiled at me, and let out a fustrated laugh."Don't let that guy's bitter remark make you self conscious. You are a girl-you have boobs. And it's not your fault they are very nice ones at that. They are bound to move onstage, just like that guy's man boobs were moving a bit when he played. And his moobs are NOT very nice in contrast."

I shot him a finger.

"Dude, seriously! I was thinking that very same thing about two minutes after the fact! Maybe he can offend me again so I can pull that gem out of my hat..." My eyes glimmered with the thought of revenge and provoking him to say something to me.

"That's the Bella I know and love." Edward laughed, observing my wheels working. But I didn't want to hear that from him - not after the last hour. I jumped up and broke our little sidewalk bubble.

"Listen, I gotta go find Alice so she can go fix my makeup." My tone came out distant and defensive. Edward's expression dropped in response. He stammered to his feet.

"No, Bella, just wait here. I'll get her." He looked at me for a second while I handed him back his undershirt, and then retreated.

--


	11. Hate Myself For Loving You

**Chapter 11: I Hate Myself For Loving You**

**note: Flowers in the Attic for those who don't know was a popular book where a brother and a sister have an incestuous relationship.**

**A/N - 3/2010: Okay, just letting you know, this chapter in retrospect should win awards for**

**Edward:**

"Ow!" I was back inside the club, approaching Alice to go see Bella. She greeted me with the most painfiul pinch ever in all her 18 years of abusing me.

"I can't believe you. You and Jasper act like pigs in public-and to flaunt it right in Bella's face like that--"I stopped her with a hand gesture.

"You can read me the riot act later, Ali. But right now, Bella needs you outside." I glanced over at a guy whose hands were lingering protectively on Alice's shoulders.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Mike- who are you?" Who did this guy think he was?

"I'm her brother, that's who--" Alice cut me off and looked apologetically at Mike.

"But I try not to disclose that in public if I can help it, Mike." She then whispered in my ear. "It's hard to listen to you play the protective big brother with someone as gentlemenly as Mike when you didn't even realize your own sister was about 10 feet away from you all night because you were too busy getting pissed drunk and playing grab ass wtih some random girl who is not my roommate. The roommate who you just convinced into thinking that she had shared something AMAZING with you today." She grabbed Mike's hand and headed out the door while I followed behind contritely.

"Bella!" Alice was running towards her. "You were awesome!" She and Mike rushed over to give her congratulatory hugs. But their voices quieted down quickly when they saw her makeup streaked, tear stained face.

Mike spoke first. "Bella? What's wrong?"

Alice looked in my direction. Mike followed suit. Great. Alice's big mouth had probably already explained to Mikey what I had done to Bella. Was this the same Mike who left a message on her door?

--

**Bella:**

I saw Mike and Alice glare in Edward's direction."I'm fine guys, I just threw a tantrum for a second. One of the guys in the band was being an ass, that's all."

Alice looked confused."What happened? They all seemed happy to have you onstage. ESPECIALLY Laurent." She smirked in Edward's direction.

"Laurent's been great-it was one of the other guys. He was being a jerk onstage. Edward saw him being rude to me all the way from the bar." Alice and Mike's expressions made it clear they hadn't picked up on it, even if they were no farther than 10 feet away when it happened.

"You didn't notice?" I asked. They both shook their heads. I reflexively looked at Edward--his eyes were fixed on me as I took in the fact he was the only one to notice and from a more obscure location even. I looked away quickly and continued.

"Don't worry about it-I'm fine now. But could you help me with my face, Alice? I'm a mess and Laurent was thinking about having me go back in for one more song."

Alice quickly went to work. We decided to dispense with my previous summery, pinky shaded look. It was time to do kick ass smokey eyes and a glossy nude lipstick. She cleaned off my face with towelettes and was finished in no time. While admiring her work she muttered, "Oh Bella, I'm good. I"m really, really good."

Just then Laurent wandered out and motioned me over with a bent finger and a wink. Edward's hands crossed reflexively as I walked passed him. Laurent apologized to me for his band member's behavior and gave me some background as to what may have caused the outburst. Apparently Nate had been attempting--unsuccessfully--to get the rest of the band to let his girlfriend sing with them and she was livid in the audience seeing me prance out onstage without even having to audition for the whole band.

"Nate's hard on all of us, he's a bit of a perfectionist, and a part-time prick. The best way to handle Nate is to be a smart ass back to him--I know you have it in you to be a smart ass, right?"

"Like you even need to ask me that."

I gave Mike and Alice quick hugs for being my own personal cheerleads. But as I stared at Edward next on my way back in, a hug seemed highly inappropriate. Instead, I paused awkwardly in front of a moment and gave him a punch to the shoulder.

"Thanks for the pep talk, Coach."

"Anytime, Bella," he answered back softly, a sad smile playing on his lips.

Or not.....

**xxx**

The band had taken a short break at this point;I hadn't realized I had been outside that long with Edward, but it didn't surprise me. Time seemed to work differently when we were talking. I awkwardly went back onstage with Laurent close behind me as Nate gave me a smirk.

I looked him straight in the eye. "What?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing. Just wondering if you'll run off the stage again if I don't actively fawn over you and your guitar playing."

I laughed and responded, "Oh, I think you were fawning more over my "tits" than my guitar playing if I remember your comments correctly." He was about to interrupt, but I wouldn't stop speaking long enough to let him.

"And for your information, my "tits" weren't bouncing all over the stage like you fantasized. You know why? I wear a bra. That's right-- when you wear a bra, Nate, your boobs don't bounce all over." I stared down at his man boobs. "And if you wore a bra for your moobs, you'd realize that they wouldn't have to bounce all over when you play either. I'm thinking with your borderline A to B-cup sized moobs, you only need light support-maybe an underwire at the most to keep those puppies in place."

I quickly turned around and checked my guitar as the other band members, including Laurent, tried to contain their muffled snickers. A laugh was coming from the crowd too--Edward had stayed closeby and gave me an approving wink. I didn't mean to, but I winced at the sight of it, the wink. It seemed too intimate for us at the moment. Edward caught my reaction, and quickly retreated back to the bar by Jasper. Laurent gave me the go ahead as I saw Mike casually position Alice and himself nearby Jasper. Note to self: Bake Mike some "Thank You" cookies this week for his extra effort.

I took a quick breath and started into Joan Jett's "I Hate Myself For Loving You."

**Jasper:**

I looked over at Edward and Jessica as they sat side by side in silence. Edward wasn't even trying to hide the fact he was mooning over Bella onstage and Jessica was pouting after Edward had disappeared--along with Bella--for about 45 minutes.

James was yelling loudly next to me. "Daaamn, she keeps winking at that hot chick over there--if Bella is a part-time lipstick lesbian, I'm going to propose to her tonight!" I glanced over at Bella onstage and saw her wink at a beautiful, petite girl with amazing lips and short black...woah...

"I wonder if I can get them to kiss eachother in front of me if I buy them a drink..." I hit James in the gut for thinking like that. About Alice. The "hot chick" he was talking about was none other than the girl I've considered my own baby sister for years now. I hadn't recognized her at first-she was dressed less innocently tonight with alot more skin showing and her hair was different. But more pressingly, she had some jerk dancing like a perv all up on her, with his hands gripping her waist.

"That's my little sister, James, and Bella's roommate. So don't say another word about her." I gave him a warning glance. But James just smiled more widely.

"They are roommates too? Damn, this gets hotter by the minute!"

I excused myself from Lauren for a moment and decided to inspect closer-maybe Alice didn't appreciate that idiot touching her body so enthusiastically. I know I didn't. As a big brother of course...

**Bella:**

_Hey, Jack, It's a fact they're talkin' in town._

_I turn my back and you're messin' around._

_I'm not really jealous, don't like lookin' like a clown_

As I sang those lines, I couldn't help but snarl them out in Edward's direction. He looked like he'd stab his eyes out if he could as he stared back at me. Good. I'd be happy to retrieve the tweezers from Alice's purse if that would be helpful.

But more important matters were going down on the other side of the bar and I tried my hardest to concentrate on being dazzling onstage while watching the events unfolding before me.

Jasper had finally noticed Alice-and his eyes almost popped out. Alice definitely looked more grown up and edgey tonight- between all the exposed leg and the extra spiked hair and the combat boots and pouty colored lips, she looked like some action heroine from a video game who is suppossed to be fierce and sexy at the same time. She was ten times more stunning than the girl molesting Jasper. He had watched her intently for a minute, when I noticed Mike slipping his hands down from her waist to her hips securely. Alice continued dancing, slightly grinding into him while throwing up an arm in celebration. That was enough to make Jasper have Lauren quickly dismount him. He then walked swiftly over to Alice's side. Strangely enough, Edward, Alice's real brother, was completely oblivious to everything else going on. He was just making puppy eyes at me. I'm so over boys-I'm going to become the world's first rock star-slash-nun.

**Alice:**

Mike was being so hilarious--I had told him my whole history with Jasper and he purposefully had us dance close to him while he busted out some moves on me. He was so cute because he would warn me before he "busted," making sure I was okay with his hands on my waist, or my hips. Which in turn would only make me laugh harder and dance a little more provocatively. I felt I could let loose with him and not worry he'd take it the wrong way.

Whatever Mike did however must have worked. Without even a warning, Jasper was right by my side, looking suspiciously at Mike. He leaned in closely to my ear as he put a hand on my shoulder and it made me involuntarily shudder: "Ali-do you know this guy?"

I nodded with a giggle and then gave him a wink. I continued grinding slightly into Mike, with Jasper looking on. He leaned in again.

"Who is he? And stop dancing like that--he'll get the wrong impression." I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"No, I think mounting a guy on a bar stool would be giving a wrong impression." He winced slightly, realizing the hypocrisy of his words. "But innocent dancing like this? I think I"ll be okay."

Mike then leaned into my other ear and whispered loudly enough for Jasper to hear on my other side: "Do you know this guy Ali? Is he bothering you?" He reached in and scooped his arms around my waist into a hand lock while his head sat on top of my shoulder. Jasper literally had to move back so as not to get sucked into the embrace. Mikes shoulders and arms were shaking slightly-I could tell he was holding in his laughter.

Jasper grabbed a hold of my hand. "Alice, why don't you come with me." He gripped my hand tighter. Mike released me, if only to get out of the "Twister" tangles that were beginning to happen between all three of us.

I looked over at Bella-she was watching from the stage and gave me a big smile. It was my time to act. I reached up to Jasper's cheek with my hand, rubbed it softly, and then whispered in as provocative voice I could muster, "No, I'm fine Jasper. But thanks for looking out for me." I reached in and gave him a slow kiss on the cheek. His breath hitched slightly. I moved back slowly, meeting his stare the whole time, and smiled at him one last time before whipping my body around and dancing with Mike again.

**Jasper:**

Lauren was throwing me eye daggers as I walked back to the stool-she obviously misread what was going on with Alice and I. James was giving me a weird look too.

"I thought your sister and her boyfriend and you were about to do a threesome out there, the way you both were groping her at the same time!" I smacked the back of his head.

"Seriously, you and your sister are freaky in a **Flowers In the Attic **sort of way-"

"Shut up, James."

Lauren glared at me. "You don't have a sister."

I looked back at Alice dancing too provocatively for my own comfort, wearing a dress too short and tight for my own comfort, flirting too successfully with the idiot for my own comfort-- and I had to admit--the sister I did have wasn't the same girl who was standing before me right now.

--

**Edward:**

I couldn't help it anymore. I had to get closer. I jumped off my stool and headed towards the stage. Jessica let out a huge sigh, but I ignored it. Unlike the other songs she had performed where she was trying to "prove herself," she was being much more playful and flirty with this Joan Jett song. I wanted to take it in at close range.

_Daylight, spent the night without you._

_But I've been dreamin' 'bout the lovin' you do._

_I won't be as angry 'bout the hell you put me through._

Bella was swaying her hips back and forth to the beat while she sang those lines and my head was moving along with them.

"Take a picture, it will last longer, you big perv. I love how every song seems to be a dedication to how much she hates you." James was by my side all of the sudden and trying to get Bella's attention by throwing gang signs at her. Bella actually laughed when he did. James grinned at me smugly.

I tried to walk away from the ever competitive James, who definitely had it in his mind that I was out of the running and that he could swoop in and make a move on Bella. Bella laughing at him throwing gang signs and Bella getting anywhere near James romantically were two different things though.

_Hey, man, bet you can treat me right._

_You just don't know what you was missin' last night_.

I put my concentration back on Bella. She had such a confidence onstage that actually intimidated and enticed me at the same time. My eyes wandered down onto her dress. It was almost sinful how well it fit her, but my eyes were distracted by the homemade writing on it-or more particularly one phrase: "I Brake For Tramp(s)." When she walked in the other direction moments later, I noticed another phrase on her backside: "Lil' Miss Sunshine." My heart sank-she had written our nicknames on her dress.

I realized in that instant that the while I wasted the whole night imagining her with someone else, she had spent her time thinking about me. She had marked herself as mine in so many words-literally. Just as she rubbed her tattoo for good luck tonight, I had been her lucky charm going onstage. And I had paid her back by sitting front and center for her while groping Jessica in a drunken haze. The only reason I was front and center was because I wanted to see my "competition." My eyes closed as I thought back to cleaning her face on the curb earlier. It was the only time she acknowledged what I had done to her. She didn't have to say a word-the look of regret and disappointment and hurt said it all in her tear filled eyes.

Up until this moment, I imagined how I could try to get out of the mess I had made with her. That I would explain to her I was drunk and beg her to forgive me. That what was happening between me and Jessica wasn't as bad as it looked-that I was sleeping half the time, trying to escape the idea of her with someone else. That I had been under the wrong impression that she was seeing someone else and it made me make alot of dumb choices as a result that I regretted.

But all those excuses were useless to me now, because they ony concentrated on one thing: Getting back in with Bella. That wasn't my concern anymore. My concern was making it up to Bella for hurting her in ways that I didn't even realize until now. She had given me something so precious and rare-her trust. And I was going to do whatever it took to repair the damage I made in a few, careless hours. I had a feeling it would take alot of time and effort, and that the only thing I could hope for in return was her eventual friendship. But I knew it would be worth it-it's always worth it when you love someone. There-I said it.

--


	12. INDEPENDENT

**Chapter 12: Independent**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews-they are always appreciated and enjoyed!**

**BPOV**

It was official--my rock star career lasted approximately 2 hours. Total actual time onstage? Probably less than 15 minutes. After the band finished their set, I saw Laurent and Nat fighting in the back. When Nat pointed in my direction angrily, I knew where this was heading in terms of who had the deciding vote. Nat was one of the founding members while Laurent was lower on the totem pole as the newbie member. Laurent let me know apologetically that it wasn't probably going to work out with the band, mainly because of Nate. But he told me that he wanted us to keep in contact.

"Nate is too insistent on making this about the music; and to be honest, I want to make money as well." He looked back at Nate. "They don't understand how to put together a "package" deal for gigs, especially since we live in a college town. Nate doesn't get showing up in baggy jeans and a too tight Napoleon Dynamite shirt is anti-package. YOU--you make a great package deal Bella." He smiled wryly at me. "So, let's keep in touch and see if we can get something going at some point." He gave me a hug and that was it. I should have felt worse, but I had a feeling it wasn't the last time I'd be onstage.

I started looking around for Alice and Mike-I found them near the entrance. Mike was twirling her around in circles by the hand while Alice was giggling--of course just feet away from Jasper. Jasper was still entwined with his date but he was looking back at Alice intermittently. I was just happy to see Alice wasn't concentrating on him anymore but just having fun. She looked genuinely sad when Mike left.

As we headed to Alice's car, Jasper and Edward were heard calling after us.

"Oh hell, Bella, let's pretend we didn't even hear them." We kept on walking, rushing a little faster to get to the car. Of course they just rushed more quickly, and made up the distance in no time. As they reached us, James and some other boys in his truck sped up to where we were. Alice raised an eyebrow my way.

"Bella! I got a full tank of gas. Let's hit Vegas and elope by sunrise!" He grinned at me while shooting a quick glance at Alice. "And bring your roommate-polygamy is always an option for me too." Alice shot me a look that could be best defined as "ewww."

"Hey, that's the best idea you ever had, James. Because once we're all married, you'll probably have even LESS of a chance of getting us into bed!" James' head swung backwards as he cracked up with the other guys in the truck. Edward was snickering behind me as well as he tried to put a hand on my shoulder. I shook it off.

"Hey, Cullen, get your hands off my wifey! You know she fucking hates you anyways. Huh, Bella?" He gave me a quick wink before speeding.

I turned around and glanced at Edward. He was in brooding mode as he stared back."Don't encourage someone like James, he'll get the wrong impression."

Alice snorted.

"Is that the key phrase of the night? Jasper said the same exact words to me." Her voice became scolding: "Bella, be careful of dancing or laughing within a 3 mile radius of the opposite sex-we'll be giving _the wrong impression_. But by all means, let drunk boys molest us on a bar stool in public. That must be the way to make a right impression, since it worked wonders on these two. Let's give it a go tomorrow Bella-you call up Laurent or James, and I'll give Mike a ring--"

"Come on, Alice." Jasper chided her. "We are just trying to look out for you. You girls don't know how guys think."

"Oh, Jasper, I know how SOME guys think very well,thanks to watching Edward and you all these years. I've seen first hand how you two treat girls. I know that not ALL guys are pigs like that. And I think it's the other way around, Jas." She pointed in his direction.

"YOU don't know how girls think." Jasper's eyes grew wide with the passion in her voice. Her breathing was getting heavy, she was getting so riled up, so I thought I should intervene.

"Listen boys, it's been...lovely, but me and the roomie have a date back in the dorm with a gallon of ice cream and a chick flick, so..."

Edward interrupted. "Bella, can I talk to you for a minute? It will only take a second. It's important."

Alice answered for me. "Bella's had a LONG enough day, thanks to you, so give it a rest Edward. Go bother her in the morning after she's been able to get some sleep."

With that she unlocked her car doors and we slid inside. I looked back at them one more time before getting in, and they both had stunned looks on their faces.

"Damn, Alice-you know how to regulate."

She winked with a nodded head. "Hey, living with those two cavemen all these years gave me no other choice."

--

**Alice:**

Bella and I were so tired, we decided to scratch the bucket of comfort-inducing ice cream and simply raided the vending machines at the dorms before heading back to our room. Once we settled on our beds with a fine assortment of junk food and soda, we were finally able to say what we were really thinking.

"I think I'm done with Jasper. Seriously, tonight, I feel like I need to get over him."

Bella laughed.

"That makes two of us, Alice. The problem with Jasper and Edward is they aren't straight pigs, like James. And in some ways that's good, because they are much more likeable and endearing. But in some ways it's worse, because they should know better. James seems so unevolved I don't expect anything more from him, and I'm sure he'd never disappoint. At least James is consistent!" We both laughed.

"But Edward," she added accusingly, "he's good and smart enough person to know better."

It was true. They both knew how to treat me with respect and care. I couldn't have asked for a better brother and and emotional brother in Edward and Jasper. But that's what made their "ways" that much more frustrating. They knew better.

"Well, Bella, no better time than now for us to make a clean break. Can I tell you a secret?"

"Tell me several, please!"

I bit my lip. "Well, for years now I have always wanted Jasper to be my first kiss."

Bella tilted her head lightly. "You've never been kissed, Alice?"

I shook my head. "I'd always imagined that Jasper was going to be my first everything. It seemed a natural thing to happen-in my mind anyways. First kiss, first boyfriend. So I held out this whole time for my some dumb reason. I imagined coming here and him realizing right away what was meant to be...." My voice trailed off, realizing how stupid I sounded, like some lovesick twelve year old.

"Don't be embarrassed, Alice. You probably prevented yourself from kissing alot of frogs that way by holding out for Jasper. That's a plus. And I'm only ahead of you by one in terms of kissing anyways, and I didn't even have a prince to keep me on the straight and narrow. Just my suspicion of people in general."

I laughed at the collective inexperience in our shared college dorm room: "Wow, we must be the most virginal virgins in the whole dormitory!"

Bella thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, apparently they felt the need to quarantine us together so we don't contaminate the rest of the college population." I giggled in response.

"Well, I love our v-status, in fact I think we should have a "My Big Fat Viriginity Club" that only we can join."

"Deal." I smiled. "And for the first order of business, I would like to submit the proposal that it's time for me to stop waiting for Jasper and to get my ass kissed by this month."

"Uh, Alice, look in the mirror-I can get you kissed within two minutes if you want. You already got a marriage proposal from James--I'm sure he'd be happy to kiss you right now." She smiled mischievously.

"Well, I have some standards, Bella. Preferably I would like the lips to be attached to someone beautiful but not slutty."

"Well, scratch James..."

"And you know what? I'm going for the gold. I want a beautiful, nonslutty boy with an accent."

"Darn...that takes Mike out of the running then. Even though he's more cute than beautiful. It's a tall order but since you are such a big babe, I'm sure we can find you a hot but nonslutty international student to kiss rather quickly."

"Deal. And what proposal will you be putting on the table, Bella? I think you need a proposal too."

She thought for a moment. "Um...maybe me getting a number for a good tattoo lasering remover?"

A rap song came on our crappy radio,full of static and bad lyrics. But it was the perfect way to adjourn our first v-card meeting. I jumped onto my bed, Ding Dong in hand and began to shout out the lyrics. Bella jumped onto the bed with, raising her hand in victory with a Dorito and began to rap as lamely with me.

Somehow, getting your heart broken by your childhood sweetheart wasn't half so bad with some junk food, a true friend, and a beat I could dance to.

**Jasper:**

We ended up taking Lauren and Jessica home right after we left the club. Edward was completely silent the whole way home and even now as we sat on our beds. I wasn't used to seeing him act like this. And I felt more than a little bad that I had egged him on alot during the night about Bella being with Laurent.

"Edward? You okay?"

"No."

Well, that was probably the extent of my attempts at having a heart to heart with him. But there was something else I wanted to talk to him about. "What was up with your sister tonight? She's never talked to me like that. I can't believe she called us pigs."

"Well, we were acting like pigs tonight."

I shook my head. "I was not acting like a pig. Alice was dancing with a pig though. Did you see him all over her? And she LIKED it. I don't know if she should be hanging out with Bella--"

"I couldn't think of a better person for her to hang out with, Jasper. Bella's as sweet and innocent as they come."

I raised my eyebrow with a glimmer of doubt..

"Well, sweet if you can get over her smart ass mouth."

"Well, I don't remember Alice being into clubbing and grinding against guys until now, with Bella in tow."

"Alice is eighteen,Jasper, that's why. She's not twelve anymore." He shot me a look. "Why are you acting more like her big brother than me?" He laughed a little and then laid back down.

"Well, I've always been better at the older brother role than you honestly, Edward." He threw me a look, but he probably knew it was true-being the only child I had always relished being Alice's makeshift bigger brother, and tended to her more indulgently than Edward ever did. Edward and Alice were very close, but almost like twins. I, on other hand, had always had my role clearly defined-as an older brother who looked after her. "Which leads me to a proposal-and we can even include Bella in this so you actually listen." Edward looked my way.

"Maybe Edward, at least for the next month or so while Alice gets situated with college, we should keep her close and just look after her a little more. She's so tiny and trusting." I shook my head." I just think I'd feel better if we knew she was a little more street smart about how things work here."

Edward was mulling it over. "And since Bella and her seem to be getting close very quickly, and Bella seems to be a little naive too, that would include looking after Bella as well." Edward's eyes lit up.

"I think that's a great plan, actually, Jasper. But they can't know that's our intentions. If they did they'd both think we were being cavemen." Edward looked around for a second and then hopped up. "I'll be back in awhile Jasper."

--

**Edward:**

I knew I should wait until morning, but I had a feeling that Bella was feeling just like me at the moment. I needed to talk to her. Sleep was not an option for me until I talked to her. I knocked lightly on their door, but Alice's music was so loud they couldn't hear me. Alice was so rude. She even said herself Bella needed sleep and she had her top 40 rap crap blaring at top volume. I gently nudged open the door. And there were both girls, rapping at the top of their lungs in pajamas while bouncing on their bed. When the reached the end of the song, the both collapsed onto the mattress in unison laughing.

"Ahem..."

They both stopped laughing at that moment, realizing my entrance. Then they looked at eachother and started laughing all over again. Alice looked in my direction.

"What do you want, you big, smelly boy you!"

I arched an eyebrow. "I see Bella's getting the beauty rest she deserves, Alice. Bella-can I talk to you for just a moment?"

--

**Bella:**

Edward shut the door to our room and guided me into the hall. No one was around at that moment for some miracle. I didn't know what I wanted to say to him, even if I had anything to say at all.

"Bella, I can tell from the look on your face you don't want a big talk."

I nodded. I didn't.

"I just want to say I"m sorry. That I know I messed up big time tonight after you took a leap of faith in me. And I know all the words in the world will not change that. So, I'm not even going to try to explain it all. Just that my insecurity and jealousy and overactive imagination allowed me to break my trust in you first tonight before your trust in me was broken."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Okay." I really had no idea how to respond to that.

"And, I feel like I lost a chance to be with you more romantically after tonight at the club. And I accept that. But I want to know if we can still be friends. If we can still be in eachother's lives in some capacity-you name how. I just want you to know despite how stupid I've been. I still think something speciall happened between us. And I don't want to lose that completely. I want to be able to make it up to you so that we can keep some part of what we found together this morning."

His eyes were burning into me, and as much as I wanted to flip him the bird, I felt the same way." Before I answer that Edward, I want to say I"m glad you realize what you did-to some extent at least. But by saying everything, I haven't even been able to even get anything off my chest."

"Shoot." He looked at me like he was ready for it, but his slight furrowing of the eyebrows made me realize he was afraid what was going to come out of my mouth.

"Edward, you know how I said be careful with me?"

He nodded slowly while his eyes cast downward.

"A part of what meant so much to me today was that I never thought anyone could make me feel so beautiful and protected and special. You and me in the meadow? It feels like some dream at this point, because of how I was feeling with you. I've never felt like that before for someone."

"Me either." He said it urgently, trying to hold my hand. I patted his hand on top of mine, but let it loose right after.

"But seeing you out there groping that girl like that right after what we shared, drunk or not? It made put everything I felt with you in question. I didn't feel beautiful at that moment, I didn't feel special. I sure as hell didn't feel protected-I was going out there scared to death to sing for the first time and I had to see what I did before going out there."

He winced.

"I realize you must have incredibly shitty luck and timing for things to turn out as wrong as they did with us tonight. I realize you are sorry. But I still don't know if what we shared together is nothing more than a delusion right now. The way you talked to me on the curb tonight makes me think that it wasn't a complete delusion, but I"m still don't know. So for me at least? It's less about confirming what we thought we shared. And more about starting over and seeing what we actually have-as friends at least."

"Bella, that's all I want from you. The chance to make it up to you. Not even to get you back-but just so you know that your trust in me wasn't completely in vain. I just want you trust to me again before I worry about being anything else to you, Bella."

I nodded at him. "I would actually like that, if you could prove to me that I'm not a complete and utterly naive jack ass."

He laughed. " I will make it up to you Bella, starting first thing in the morning--"

I stopped him. "Wait, Edward? Honestly? I need a little break from us. Today was too intense and insane and embarrassing. I need a little break to collect myself from everything."

His face fell.

"Just a couple weeks or so, that all I need to regroup and get my personal mojo back."

He considered what I said and then nodded slightly. "Can I tell you one more thing?" I nodded back yes.

"I want you to know I'm not going to be seeing anyone else right now, I'm not even going to date..."

I made a face. "Why would you tell me that, Edward? You just said you didn't expect anything romantic from me right now."

"I don't. But I want you to know that I wasn't kidding about what happened to me either. I've dated enough. I know what I feel for you. I don't think you have dated enough, though. I HOPE you date actually. Because I think the more you do, the more you'll understand what I'm feeling in terms of what we shared."

I shook my head at him. "So...you want me to date, so I can see it's not as good as it is with you? Again, you said you didn't want anything romantic!" He was fustrating me with his mixed messages. And yet, a part of me liked the fact he couldn't be as idealistic as he wanted to be and simply be my friend. Bad me.

He looked confused, and I don't think he figured it all out yet. " Wait...let me think this through...all I want from you is what you want to give me, and I know that has to be just friendship. I just want you to know how much you have affected me, and that I know it's not just a delusion. And that means I don't want to date others right now, regardless of the fact we can only be friends. Does that make sense?"

" A little I guess. And it also proves why this was a conversation best saved for after a good night's sleep." He laughed, and nodded.

"You are right. Go to sleep. Call me when you want to see me again. I'll wait. And I meant it that I would be happy if you date-I think it will only prove my point more."

" Your point that we are suppossed to be just be friends but you want to see me date so I realize no one is as great as you so we can be sadly single forever? Looking forward to it!" Edward's face fell-until I punched him on the shoulder and laughed as I closed the door.

--

**Edward:**

As I walked away, I started feeling nauseous. I meant to go see her, and tell her I just wanted to be her friend and make it up to her. But once I saw her and we were so close again, everything in my head got tangled and confused. Deep down, I didn't really want to be just a friend, if I was honest. Deep down I wanted to win her back, and I hated myself for that fact. The "friend-trust me" part told her to date-that I welcomed it. But the "I want more than just friendship" side of me had to ruin that gesture by telling her I wasn't going to date--to make her know I had long term expectations. What the hell have I done?


	13. Clarifications

**Chapter 13: Clarifications**

**note: Just a quick chapter because I probably won't be able to update until next week.**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews-I really appreciate them!**

09/14

**Dear Bella,**

I know it's only been 7 days, but I thought I'd write you a letter and give it to Alice. That way you could decide if you wanted to open it or not.

I just keep thinking about our last talk because it didn't turn out like I had hoped. I wanted to let you know I was sorry and I wanted to earn your trust back. But once I got in front of you, I said any stray thought that came into my mind.

All I wanted to say were those two things.

Sorry.

I want to earn your trust back.

That's all. I know I showed you my worst side within a matter of hours, and it hurts to know that is the last impression I gave you before you took your "break."

--

09/16

**Edward,**

I am pretty good at editing and organizing people's words-if you had ever met my mother, you would understand how I got so good at that.I did glean those two things out of our conversation actually, and I appreciate that.

Know that I think you have a good heart and you mean well. I just worry that you can be careless. Carelessness scares me-the two people I love most in this world can be careless. And without meaning to, they have wreaked alot of unnecessary havoc with simply not thinking first. I hope you understand my point, and know I don't say this to be rude. It's just something I felt I needed to explain to you in light of the fact I had stressed the need for you to be careful in the first place. It's one of those deal breakers for me in terms of who I can have around me or not.

--

09/16

**Dearest Bella,**

I don't think that's rude at all. I'm very grateful you shared that with me. I can be careless. I think I've been able to get away with being careless for a long time now. I always thought having some sort of charm was a gift, but maybe it's made it too easy for me to get what I want-even when I don't deserve it.

If you want to share anything else with me regarding what happened, I would appreciate it. I really don't know what is going through your mind right now, and it's killing me not knowing. I can't stop thinking what you think of me.

--

09/18

**Edward,**

I appreciate what you said about carelessness-if we were all so "unlucky" to be born with natural dazzling abilities!

Um...in some ways my mind isn't thinking about it or you honestly. That's where I wonder if we are somewhat different Edward. Please don't be offended-but you seem to have had a pretty comfy existence. Nice family, nice lifestyle, nice car, nice life. Replaying unpleasant thoughts that are killing you seems to be something unique and almost romantic. A sort of sweet torture.

I haven't had a horrible life in comparison. But it's had it's share of challenges. I've shared with you alot of those challenges. And at this point in my life, I'll cut something out of my life quickly if it looks like it will bring me unneeded pain and drama. I feel like I have alot on my plate as it is with trying to get through school and make a living. Life throws enough curveballs your way-you don't have to add to them voluntarily.

--

09/18

**Dearest Bella,**

You are wrong-it's not a sweet torture. It's not something romantic at all for me. I feel sad you would even think I would treat it as some emotional lab experiment for myself.

Is that what you are doing right now? Cutting me out of your life? I just need to know.

--

09/22

**Edward,**

If I was cutting you out of my life, I would have said that to you. And I would have if I needed to.

But I do think we needed a break. We basically crammed a normal relationship-from first meeting to bad breakup--into a matter of hours. Nita at the tattoo parlor said as much. The only place we had left to go at that point was being featured on "America's Most Wanted" for a nation wide crime spree. I'm not ready for the FBI's 10 Most Wanted List yet. I'd lose my partial scholarship if I did that!

ps: I believe you about it not being a sweet torture. I can be a bit presumptious at times-always feel free to call me on it when I overindulge my natural sense of superiority.:)

ps: I lied. I do think about that night sometimes. I'll tell you one thing I do wonder about. This may sound weird, but one of the things that bothered me the most was how you treated the girl you were with. You were all fine and dandy feeling her up in public-but the minute you saw me and knew I saw you, you totally pushed her aside and ignored her the rest of the night. That actually creeped me out. I felt like me and that girl were in the same boat in alot of ways actually that night, and it made me think how easy it would be for me to become "that girl" one day with you. And I also felt like it sucked to know that you act so differently depending on my presence-or lack thereof. It's hard for me understand you, because your presence wasn't needed for me to behave a certain way that night. I was still on a meadow high.

--

09/22

**Dearest Bella**,

This may be hard to believe, but what you saw was not the result of me succumbing to temptations. It was the result of me imagining you in a plaid miniskirt out on a date with some nipple ringed bad boy who directed what he wanted you to wear for perverted reasons and me getting pissed drunk over it and using Jessica(a girl I was only out with because Jasper needed me to double date to get closer to her friend) as a shoulder to cry on like a pathetic bastard. Literally. That doesn't make it any better, but it's a different motivation than what you are thinking.

I don't have a good reason for how I treated Jessica. I was ashamed you saw me with her. I didn't want you to see me like that. It doesn't excuse how I treated her though. I see now why seeing me treat anyone like that would make you wonder when your turn would come. I regret alot of things from that night.

I have thought about why I thought those things about you(imagining you with Laurent in ways that make no sense now) when I really did know you better than that. This is the only thing I could come up with. Well, make that me with the help of Alice. Maybe my past finally caught up with me. That's how Alice put it. I finally felt something for someone. Maybe it scared me, and I couldn't imagine trusting you since I couldn't be trusted all these years. Maybe I was worried of getting played myself for once when it finally mattered to me. I don't know for sure-but the total dread I had about you with someone else that night had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I broke the trust first by doubting you.

Thanks for explaining too. Yes, I've noticed you can be a bit smug and presumptious. You can be downright self righteous when you put your mind to it. :)

--

09/25

**Edward,**

That makes sense in some ways about what made you think that way. You are the Oprah to Alice's Dr. Phil it seems. Too bad you just didn't ask me directly the minute you had doubts. That would have prevented everything that happened that night. Bummer.

ps: Self righteous? Well, at least I don't have slutty hair

--

09/25

**Dearest Bella,**

That's my biggest regret that night. Not just telling you straight out what I was scared about after hearing from Jasper that Laurent stopped by and was planning meeting up with you later and the message he left on the whiteboard about wearing a miniskirt and leather. I really let my imagination go with those two details. I asked every frat brother what they knew about a Laurent, and the only reason I was at the club that night was because I had to see who he was in person. I changed everyone's plans just so I could see who my competition was in my head. I even confronted him like an ass and asked him if he got off on telling young girls how to dress. I did so many things wrong that night.

ps: No, your hair isn't slutty. But it's a bit of tease. Teases are so unreliable. At least you know where you stand with sluts!

--

09/30

**Edward,**

Stand with sluts? I thought they were always lying down...

ps: WTH? Well, that explains why when I saw you backstage with the girl and my jaw was on the floor, Laurent casually asked, "Does this have to do with someone named Edward?" And here I thought he was picking up telepathic wave signals off his nipple rings...

It sorta makes me wonder that instead of a girl fast you need a liquor fast actually. Not cool, Edward.

--

09/30

**Dearest Bella,**

I know, I'm sorry. I thought I should tell you though instead of hearing it from Laurent by chance. Was this a step backwards on our way back to being friends?

--

10/01

**Edward,**

No, it's not a step backwards. I'm glad you told me. And for some weird reason, I never stopped thinking of you as a friend. You've definitley been a shitty friend at times, lol, but still a friend.

--

10/01

**Dearest Bella,**

Good. Bella, it's been three weeks now. When can we see eachother again? I miss you.

--

10/02

**Edward,**

Soon.

--


	14. Jasperian Rituals

**Chapter 13: Japserian Rituals**

**note: This is just a quick chapter to give a few details about what was going on with Bella during the letter writing phase bewteen her and Edward. Omg, I just wrote "her and Robert" right now because I wasted like an hour watching all the new twilight-robert patttinson/kristen stewart video clips on right now! She picked something out of his teeth and put it on his jacket and then he said "yummy." lol**

**BPOV**

I heard the door tapping. At 6:55 AM. Again. Alice didn't stir even in the slightest. Again.

I dragged myself out of bed, opened up the door, and said, "Hi, Jasper," without even looking.

"Hey, Bella, hope I didn't wake you." I sneered at him as I jumped back into bed, and he laughed back.

"Dude, I'm seriously going to copy my key for you so you can just let yourself in from now on." I gave him a wink so he knew I was joking.

Jasper had started an interesting little ritual right after the night from hell at Suede. The ritual would go like this:

He dropped by with breakfast for Alice an hour before her Monday, Wednesday, and Friday classes once school started. Alice said this was normal "Jasper" behavior that happened back home-she said he acted more like a big brother than Edward at times even. It almost annoyed her because she felt he was trying to treat her like a 12 year old all over again. I was making my own Eggo Waffles in the toaster by the time I was in kindergarten, because Renee was asleep half the time when I left for school. And Alice doesn't think twice about someone bringing her breakfast in bed three times a week! How the other half live...

But there were little things he did that Alice didn't seem to catch onto that looked a tad incestuous to me for her "big brother." I could imagine Edward waking up his sleeping sister with a slap on the shoulder while jumping up and down on her bed. Jasper, on the other hand, always woke her up the way a lover would. Not that I had any experience with those things, but it was always so gentle, the way he would play with her hair and talk softly while hovering over her until she had woken up completely. I felt like I was intruding when I would watch from my bed. So, I tended to play possum around this point of the morning routine.

Once she was up, he'd hand out the goodies for all of us--coffee and either a muffin or a bagel. Sometimes he got fresh danishes if we were lucky. Then the line of questioning would begin. Who was she meeting in classes, socially, what were her plans that night or the weekend. All casual conversation starters-but they always had an objective to me. I told her several times before, but she dismissed what I thought-he was pumping her for information to see if she was meeting any guys. Jasper so far had received the information she gave him with contentment--too much contentment. Because up until this point, she had met alot of guys and had been keeping herself busy with all her new social connections-she just hadn't met anyone in particular that she was interested in. So much for her rush to kiss a boy-she soon found her "criteria" for the object of her kissing affections were quite high. She could find beautiful boys, but they tended to be slutty. She found nonslutty boys, but they tended to be nonaccented. Sigh.

I was slightly envious of her position-here she had two brothers(well, one brother and one incestuously fake brother) who took such care with her. I was always so used to fending for myself, I didn't know how to relate to that type of protective and active brothering. It was a good thing I liked her so much and knew what a generous person she was herself--I'd probably think she was a spoiled brat otherwise!

Once she was ready for school, he'd walk her to class--and the Jasperian morning ritual would start all over again the day after next.

But this morning-he broke from his routine. As I settled back into bed to give them their moment as she woke up, I felt a light tapping on my shoulder. "Hey, Bella. Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure," I said as I turned to face him.

"It's about Edward. I felt like I needed to tell you something about that night."

I grimaced. "Eh, really, Jasper, it's probably best for all of us to just forget that night happened..."

He laughed softly. "Well, apparently neither of you have forgotten and since I've turned into a virtual postman for both of you lately, I HAVE to say something to cut the correspondence-only phase short. It's for purely selfish reasons."

I laughed. "Sorry. Proceed."

"I just feel really bad, because I'm the one who got the ball rolling that night. He came in all excited about you after getting the tattoo. You and Alice were outside, and when he told me how much he liked you, I totally threw cold water on him. I told him to get in line cause two guys had already come by while I was there and that Laurent was taking you out later." He paused for a moment, probably because my jaw flew open at that point. "Sorry, but my first impression of you was that you were having fun, but it was more casual for you than it was for him."

"Anyways, he didn't want to go on the double date after his date with you. But he was also stressing about you being on a date with Laurent.

"There was no date." I had to interject there-how did things get so misunderstood? He nodded. "I know. Now."

"But the idea of you on a date with Laurent messed with what he was feeling for you. He started drinking really early on that evening. When we took the girls out to dinner, he excused himself and was drinking more in my car just sulking. He literally just left me hanging with his date for almost an hour in the restaurant. That's when I said something I really regret now, especially since I've gotten to know you better, Bella."

Oh hell.

"I told him I doubted you were worrying about him being on a date, but making it sound like you didn't care more than anything. And I threw it in his face that you didn't cancel your date and was probably going to enjoy yourself, so he needed to man up. I was just wanted him to get back inside with our dates, but for me to say those things to him...in his condition..."

He paused, most likely because I knew my face was as mortified as I was.

"Jasper, I don't know what to say."

"I'm really sorry Bella. I feel like I had a hand in how things turned out. I've never seen him like this about someone-if I had known then what I know now..." He trailed off.

I tried to smile at him, but it was definitely a labored grin. "I understand, although now I wish I had thrown a guitar pick at your forehead that night." He didn't know if I was joking or not, so I added, " You are making it up with the free breakfasts and the postal deliveries honestly. Thanks for telling me what you did Jasper." I turned around to play possum again so he could "wake up" Alice.

"And Bella..."

"Uh huh..."

"When he finally checked his messages on his cell phone that night and saw your photo of the back of your dress and message to him that you metaphorically whizzed on yourself for him that night? He really lost it. He was in bad shape the whole night."

"Um, Jasper, maybe Edward wouldn't want me to know all this. "

"Edward doesn't know up from down these days-- but you needed to know."

--

**APOV**

I dragged Bella along on her one night off to a house party I was invited to. I was a little worried about Bella--she was working so many hours, she had little time to socialize and meet new people. Which made me worry she was spending alot of free time thinking about my brother. He was doing the exact thing honestly-he was actually driving me nuts as he tried to pump information out of me about Bella constantly. But I didn't want to get sucked back into the intensity they shared that one day. It only brought her pain.

I was having alot of fun meeting new people, but no one compared to Bella as a partner in crime. I was so happy to finally have a night out with her once again.

A funny thing happened though along the way. As I introduced her to people and pulled her along with me, I noticed something. The bold Bella who could command an audience onstage and reform my brother of his formerly corrupt ways? She was nowhere to be found at the house party. Offstage Bella was in full effect, and she seemed to have a hard time finding the rythym of meeting new people. Every time I'd introduce her to someone, she'd only mumble hi quickly and then avert her eyes around self consciously. When she wasn't by my side, she was in a corner-any corner would do it seemed. At one point, I found her reading a book as she leaned on a bookcase--in a corner of course of the living room.

"Bella, is everything okay?"

I startled her. "Yeah, Alice, everything's fine. Go have fun. I'll catch up with you when you are ready to go. " She put on a very convincing smile, but I knew my roomie better than that. I told her I was ready to go now, and we called it an early night.

--

**BPOV**

We were both in bed after polishing off some Ben n Jerry's.We had ended up watching "Bride and Prejudice," and had re-enacted several of the songs while watching simultaneously. I kept pinching myself for having the good fortune of having Alice for my roommate. I never had a sister, but in my ideal mind's eye, a sister would be someone you could act terribly silly with into the late hours in pjs. And I almost felt like I had created Alice from scratch, from all my Brady Bunch and Cosby Family fueled fantasies of what I would want in a sister. I seriously doubt she could see me the same way though.

"Alice? I"m really sorry how I acted tonight. I know you would have stayed longer if it wasn't for me."

"Oh, please, Bella-it's nothing. I was ready to go home anyways. But, was there anything wrong? You just seemed a little uncomfortable and I wasn't sure if something happened that made you feel that way."

I paused. "Alice, do you ever feel like you are back in high school all over again?"

She looked at me confused.

"Oh, scratch that. You are a Cullen with supernaturally good looking DNA and a beautiful wardrobe and a great personality that would work in any situation. Try this on for size. Alice, do you ever feel like **I'm** back in high school all over again? Your roomie with that hopelessly unsupernatural DNA and secondhand wardrobe and somewhat socially lame personality?"

Alice shook her head. " I don't know that roomie. I just know the roomie who has reduced my normally slutty brother to an emotionally unstable letter writer. Or the roomie who commanded a whole audience while I decided right then and there she was my total shero." She gave me a wink as I laughed.

"Alice that night was straight out of a fairy tale-both the good and the bad parts. Like all these factors came together to create the perfect Cinderella storm. I met my Prince Charming, I had a fairy godmother who made me the perfect dress for my ball." She smiled brightly with that remark. " But then the clock struck midnight, Nate stole my glass slipper, and Prince Charming was caught sliding into third base with my Ugly Stepsister." Alice giggled in spite of herself, and mouthed "Sorry."

"No, I said that for your own entertainment, Alice! It's just like everything went backwards for me since then, and everything thing feels off kilter now. I've lost a little bit of my swagger, Ali dearest, if I"m being totally honest."

Alice shook her head. "No, you haven't. You just haven't had a chance to shine again. You've been working so many hours and then studying, when have you had time to get back the mojo honestly?"

"Uh, tonight could have been a time. But I felt like I was in high school all over again, where I would let the smallest things get to me. " I paused, but decided to just tell her. "You know what honestly set me off tonight, Ali? Two girls said "nice shoes" to me in a really smart ass way. That's all it took."

Alice's mouth dropped ."Your vintage patented leather heeled Mary Janes? Are you kidding me? Blasphemy!"

I laughed. "YOU saw vintage--they saw scuffed, used shoes. It wasn't exactly the worst thing someone can say to you. And instead it made me feel like an ugly 15 year old who crashed the Prom King's kegger all over again." Alice was about to start in but I had to get one more thing out. "Alice, you are so amazing, because you have so much going for you--beauty, brains, wit, money. And yet you are so generous and open with how you accept everyone. But many people in your position aren't like that. I know from someone who's been on the outside. And tonight, with alot of people there, I got the distinct feeling that I was on the outside of that little club."

Alice frowned. "I"m sorry, I didn't know it was coming off like that." She thought a little bit more. "I"m sorry..."

"Don't be sorry! Part of it was my fault. I wasn't owning myself tonight, or else I would have said "thanks, aren't they wonderful" instead to those bitchy girls. I would have tried to seek out people who were like you that I could hang out with. But I totally froze. And then stood by a bookcase...pretending I was interested in reading the Dr. Phil book I found on the shelf..."

Alice cracked up. "Bella, you seriously just need a chance to get back the mojo. I think you need to sing again somewhere. And I think I can help with another mojo aspect..." She grinned at me slyly.

"What, Alice?" That's all it took for her to jump up and down on her bed.

"I met someone today. I would have told you earlier but you seemed distracted. But um, Bella, you and I have a date on Monday with boys that fit my ever fickle yet high quality standard criteria..."

"Date? Crap, I'm not up for dating right now..."

"Yes, you are. When you see them in their nonslutty beautiful glory, you will be."

I pouted. "I sorta miss the beautiful slutty Prince Charming actually. Not that that does me any good." I rolled my eyes.

"He's been a regular altar boy so far, Bella. But stop thinking about him for a minute. I've got four words, Bella, that will make you understand. Read it and weep: New Zealand Rugby Players."

**a/n: Just a little note: Those four words may not mean much to you, but at the college I went to, those four little words could illicit squeals of excitment from the female population!:)**


	15. Who Would You Rather?

**Chapter 15: Who Would You Rather...?**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews**! **For those who were wondering when I was going to update my other story(it's been a couple days now), I'm working on it right now!:)**

**EPOV**

"Jasper, I'm going to head out in a couple." I had arrived at Casey Moran's Sports Bar and Grill with Jasper only 15 minutes prior, but I wasn't in the mood for all the celebratory festivities around me for James' birthday. Girls, drinking, blaring music, James screaming and throwing gang signs in between chugs of beer and bites of Buffalo Wings-it was bringing back bad memories from a couple weeks back.

Well, technically, a couple weeks had already come and gone. "A couple weeks" was the timeframe Bella had given for our "break." But here we were, at day 25, and she still made no attempt to see me. I wanted to be the good, patient guy, but it was getting harder everyday. And with each head shaking Jasper sent in my direction while seeing me sulk in silence, the more I felt like a fool. A fool who wasn't getting the message that maybe "break" was her nice way of saying "go away" instead of "take this time off to get your crap together, Edward."

Jasper sighed when I mentioned I was leaving early, but he was resigned. "Do what you need to do, bro."

I stood up and was heading out when I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. "You aren't leaving yet. Tell me you aren't leaving yet." James was showing an inordinate amount of interest in my staying-I gave him a suspicious look. He laughed.

"Come on, just 10 minutes longer-have some cake on me!" He wasn't looking at me as he spoke, because two of the sports bar grill waitresses were hovering nearby us and James liked the view. Any guy would honestly-the outfits made the "Hooters" uniforms look conservative. The getup was a sort of play on striped black and white "referee" outfits-except the shorts barely covered the backside, the tight tops' neckline plunged in a deep V for maximum cleavage exposure,and the girls were pairing the sports getup with high heels and pigtails underneath their baseball caps. The resulting look would make Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild Fame weep with pride.

"5 minutes James. But I really have to go after that. " James nodded and scurried off to see when the cake would be coming out. Within moments, James was back at his table as a boxing bell chimed repetitively from the front bar area. The lights dimmed slightly in our area as the opening guitar riff from Rihanna's "Shut Up And Drive" started playing. Man, do I hate communal Birthday Greetings at restaurants and bars.

"Do we have a birthday boy somewhere in here by the name of James?" A deep, rich voice purred out from a microphone. I instantly tensed as the voice behind me began to sing the lines from the song:

_"I was looking for a driver that was qualified._

_So if you think you are the one, step into my ride_."

I couldn't look behind me just yet, but I shot a look over in James' direction. He was howling enthusiastically and clapping his hands. James caught my gaze and smiled like a cat who ate the canary.

_My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode._

_So start me up and watch me go, go, go_

I didn't have to look back now-she was to the side of me. Bella was holding a microphone as she sang while three waitresses held onto a huge cake with sparkling candles and a sports car on top. A racing theme, complete with a car sex analogy song. Great. Was James turning 12? I almost felt nauseous at that moment-knowing **I** was the one who had driven Bella here to get an application in the first place. Jasper hit my arm, but I refused to look his way.

_Get you where you wanna go, if you know what I mean._

_Got a ride that´s smoother than a limousine._

The girls behind Bella were shaking all over to the music, but Bella was simply walking as she approached James. For some reason, her lack of jiggling in favor of a slightly swaggered gait made her movement more senuous though. The outfit looked incredible on her-too incredible. The caveman in me wanted to jump up, throw her over my shoulder, cover her with my jacket, and take her back to her dorm room this second. Unlike the three girls behind her who were wearing high heels, she was wearing old school long tube socks and sneakers. Why did the tube socks/sneaker combo look ten times more sexy than the heels for some reason? I couldn't help but crack a smile with her deviation on the uniform. She didn't have pigtails either-I could just see her rolling her eyes if anyone had asked her to wear some while spouting off how she stopped doing pigtails by third grade.

_Can you handle the curves, can you run all the lights?_

_If you can baby boy, than we can go all night._

My smile quickly faded as she sang those lines at James. Instead of reacting normally with a moose yelp or some gross hand gesture, he just smiled at her with wide eyes. He even had put his hands down on his lap. She was chuckling in response to his reaction-I could see it- while she lightly smacked him on the head. What the... The girls set down his cake in front of him and Bella continued:

_Cause it´s zero to sixty in three point five_

_Baby you got the keys._

_Now shut up and blow, blow, blow_

_Shut up and blow._

She did not just have to sing that.What the hell kind of job has 18 year old girls dressed up like this singing about shutting up and blowing? I looked over in shock at Jasper. He didn't look suprised-he must have known she worked here. Of course-that's why he didn't even try to stop me earlier from leaving. After James blew out his candles, everyone was clapping. Bella watched in silence with a smirk with her arms folded in front of her. I listened intently as James addressed her loudly over the noise.

**BPOV**

"Bella!" James was looking up at me with innocent eyes and chastely clasped hands on his knees. "So, do I get a birthday kiss?"

I laughed out loud. "I just sang you a song that had filthy car analogy lyrics about a girl asking a guy to tune up her engine. A kiss would pale in comparison, buddy.But I"m sure all the lovely waitresses that keep perching around your table would be more than happy to."

Once he could tell I wasn't going to give him one,he went onto the next item of business. Out of nowhere, his finger was rubbing the side of my hip as his face watched on, mouth slightly opened. I hated this outfit, the shorts rode down so low, my tattoo peeked out often and seemed to invite wandering hands.

"Hey, Tracker. Watch the paws." I slapped his hand softly.

He brought his hand back quickly. "Oh, sorry-- I just noticed your tattoo there. It's the one you got the day I met you, huh?" He looked up and smiled.

"Uh, yeah. But for future reference, tattoos don't need to be rubbed up and down like a braille book." He started cracking up--note to self: Being a smart ass with James only seems to draw him in closer. Gotta edit my comebacks with him more carefully.

He was leaning closer to me to whisper in my ear when something caught his eye right past my shoulder. He stopped and mouthed, "What?" with a huge smirk.

I turned around--just in time to see Edward standing two tables away and mouthing something to James. His eyes then met mine. They were furious. I threw my head back slightly, let out a breath, and rolled my eyes. Only my luck would have Edward seeing me in this ridiculous outfit. When I looked back in his direction he was gone. I searched the restaurant and saw his bronze hair heading towards the entrance.

I caught up with him at the door. "You got a minute?"

**EPOV**

We both got into my car after a silent walk from a restaurant. "Why did you leave so quickly right now?"

I laughed angrily and just shook my head. I couldn't even look at her as I smiled in the other direction.

" I left because I haven't seen you forever, and when you finally see me after having a heartfelt tattoo rubbing exchange with James, you roll your eyes at me. And to think for the last three weeks I"ve--"

She cut off my rant with an enormous laugh. She leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the cheek and sighed exhaustedly. "I'm glad to see you. I 'm just slightly embarrassed you have to see me at my lame ass job in my lame ass uniform singing a lame ass birthday jingle to a silly boy you have "Mean Girls" issues with. It's a step down from my last gig, if you know what I mean. And by the way-it's your fault I have a tat on my hip now that attracts drunken sailors to it like moths to the flame."

I winced. "Damn, why didn't I just let you get it on the neck?" I paused for a second once I realized what just happened." Hey, wait a minute--you just kissed me." I smiled triumphantly.

"Yes, I did Edward, but don't get too used to it. I'm too tired to fight or talk all angsty tonight and I wanted to distract you." I looked at her more closely now. Under her eyes were dark circles. She had makeup covering them up, but in the moonlight, I could see the outline easily. I touched the darkened area softly.

"Bella...what's wrong? Are you having trouble sleeping?"

She pulled away self consciously. "I know, they look brutal, huh? And that's with loads of cover-up. I'm not having trouble sleeping-just having trouble scheduling in sleeping I"m afraid."

"Why?"

She sighed. "I had to get another job on top of this one and my job at the testing center, and I have to keep 16.0 credit hours of courses to maintain my partial scholarship. So now when I finally get off my night shifts, I have to grade English essays before I can even start on my homework. I'm just a little busy right now." She leaned her head back onto the passenger seat and closed her eyes.

I took her by the hand: "I'm sorry you are working so hard." A wave of guilt passed over me for not realizing just how hard she had been trying to make ends meet in the past month. "Are you hungry? Do you want to get something to eat?"

She opened her eyes, thought for a second, and then smiled widely. "Listen, I need to go clock out from my shift. But you wait here--I'll bring something back to eat." She smiled enthusiastically and hurried off.

Three jobs, full school load. Little to no sleep. And here I was, getting annoyed with the fact she wasn't answering my letters faster.

--

**BPOV**

"NO, you have to pick between the two I give you. Would you rather do the deed with The Skipper or Mr. Howell, the old rich man? I already told you, The Professor is NOT an option, so stop bringing him up!" He rolled his eyes when he said Professor.

I paused. "I can't believe I can't pick the Professor. Well, let me analyze this. The upside with the Skipper is that he could yell out "Little Buddy" at me while I wear his Skipper hat in the throws of passion. But, on the other hand, Mr. Thurston Howell the Third has suitcases full of money, so at least I would get paid for my services--"

Edward slapped my knee. "Hussy!"

"Oh, you decide to play "Who Would You Rather--" Gilligan's Island Edition, and then you call me a hussy when I actually play along! And technically, a hussy is someone who gives it up for free. I think the term you were looking for was like...hooker or lady of the night..."

We were in the back of his car now, doing what I think we do best-talking about nothing important while trying to make the other laugh as hard as possible. I had a ginormous piece of Mudd Pie from work on my lap that I was taking turns spooning to myself and Edward. Edward was rubbing my sore legs that I had draped over his lap after a long 6 hour shift. We still hadn't left the parking lot of my job, and it had easily been an hour since I had gotten off work.

He was playing with the elastic on my socks when he looked up at me mischievously. "These tube socks with this outfit should be illegal." He gave me a quick once over.

"I bet they are in some states. It's straight out of a the Playboy Cliched Fantasy Handbook--under the heading "Naughty Referee Skanks." It's so funny too cause some of the waitresses feel like superstars in these uniforms. Then again, their life's dream is to make it "to the big time" as a dancing bartender at the "Coyote Ugly" in Orlando, Florida..."

He laughed. "I honestly am going to send a picture of this getup to your Cop Dad so he forces you to quit. Or at least get someone to raid Casey Moran's for peddling young girls in next to nothing costumes. I HATE that you have to run around like this in front of a bunch of drunks."

"You should see how the outfit goes over on the public bus!" I was laughing still when I realized his face turned to stone.

"The bus? YOU take the bus home at night in this outfit?"

I shrugged. "I wear a long jacket to cover it, but half the time the busses don't run that late anyways when I get off so I just... walk..." I trailed off. I was digging myself deeper and deeper, I could tell.

"Bella! That's not safe at all! You need to tell me your schedule from now on and I"ll pick you up. And that's that."

I rolled my eyes. "I have tomorrow off so we have time to negotiate. Geesh, you and your big brother instincts." I rested my head back on the window, hoping he'd not push the issue.

"Um, those are not the type of instincts I have for you Bella." I laughed a little but kept my eyes closed.

"You are tired. I should take you home, right?" He didn't sound too sure about that last thought.

--

**EPOV**

We made it to the campus parking lot by car before we got in one more round of "Who Would You Rather"--this time we did the Brady Bunch Edition.

"Al the Butcher all the way. I'm telling you. There was something really, really sexy about the way he handled that meat cleaver. You know Mrs. Brady had the secret hots for him. She was heading to his shop every day-like she needed all that ground beef!"

We ended up in the backseat again. I was sitting upright with my back against the car door--Bella was in between my legs, with her back against my chest. She hesitated at first to rest on me, but as the game wore on, it just sorta...happened.

"Hey, you didn't pick yet. Mrs. Brady or Alice?"

"Alice of course! I have a thing for women in uniform..."

She started giggling hysterically in her sleep deprived haze. "Edward, I totally missed you." Her eyes were closed and she let out a deep sigh. Her breathing was slowing and I imagined she would be nodding off within seconds. I needed to get her to her room.

"I missed you too, Bella."

She let out a little breath as she smiled, her eyes still closed. "And remind me to never hire a live in maid for us. That's all I need, to have some housekeeping hussy in a regulation blue maid uniform...yawn...get in the...middle..."Her voice was slurring.

"Get in the middle of what, Bella?" I couldn't help myself-I wanted to hear her finish the sentence as I tried not to laugh.

"US, sil...ly..."

--

**APOV**

A light knock came from the door, and I found Edward carrying a slumbering Bella to bed. He laid her down gently and started taking off her shoes and socks.

"Halt, perv! I'll take care of my roomie's needs, thank you very much." He looked at me suspicously.

"Did you tell her to call me Perv for a nickname or something? Because she called me that twice tonight."

"Oh, I'm sure it's because of me and not for the fact that the last time she saw you, you were acting like a...drum roll please!...perv."

He didn't answer. Didn't think he would either.

"Alice, I need your help for something. "

"Shoot."

He sat down on Bella's bed and rested his hand on her legs.

"Stop! You are totally creeping me out. Don't touch her when she's not conscious."

He put his hands back on his lap.

"Do you think you can help me plan a really great date with Bella tomorrow? I want it to be perfect..."

I looked at him warily. "Tomorrow?"

He nodded. "It's her day off, and I wanted to suprise her--"

"Woah, Romeo, slow down. I have dibs on her tomorrow. She may be able to do something later on that night, but I've got her from early afternoon until at least early evening. But it can't be TOO late, Edward. She's been getting zero sleep lately."

He looked at me with his eyes furrowed. "Tell me the truth. How many hours is she working right now?"

I thought for a second. "Easily 60 hours a week. There's no way she'll be able to keep this up all year." He grimaced. Then his head tilted to the side as he looked at me.

"Wait, what do you have dibs on tomorrow?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Don't freak out. You were the one to tell her you totally wanted her to..."

His eyes widened. "You set her up on a date? Alice! I can't believe my own sister--what if he's a jerk?" He started rubbing her knee protectively.

"Stop touching her! And don't worry, she doesn't even want to go. She misses your slutty prince ass. But she needs to get out and have some low maintenance fun. YOU are very high maintenance for her. And I'm double dating with her, so it's totally casual--"

He let out a huge breath and shook his head. " Who is he?"

"No one you need to know by name. We all know what happened the last time you acquired a name...(cough)...Laurent...(cough)..."

He was not amused.

"It's a casual day date, nothing more than 4 extremely attractive people getting to know eachother--we are even staying on campus..." I tried not to laugh.

"Yeah, well her last day date ended with her getting a matching tattoo with me, so don't make it sound completely risk free for me, Ali."

"Who said it was risk free , Edward?"

--


	16. How Bella Got Her Groove Back

**Chapter 16: How Bella Got Her Groove Back**

**note: I put "Emmett" and "Seamus" pictures up in my profile-you know you wanna take a peek at the Kiwi dates! lol And yes, maori chants aren't something kiwi teams do just anywhere at anytime. I just had them do it here in this chapter to make Edward and Jasper feel even more like pansies.**

**note: Thanks for the reviews**!

**Bella:**

"What kind of guy plans a date that revolves around him playing a game? Isn't that sort of weird of them? " I had a bad feeling about this whole setup. Jocks and Bella? Never a really comfortable match. I had no experience playing or watching sports of any kind. And it didn't help that I had no coordination skills whatsoever. It was like interspecies mingling, it went against nature.

Alice let out a exasperated sigh. "Silly Bella. I'm the one who suggested we meet up at their game actually. You OBVIOUSLY don't know what you've been missing when it comes to rugby."

"I've never even seen a rugby game before-isn't it like American football?"

Alice snorted." Um, yeah--if you realize that American footballers are like a sissy version of rugby players with their sissy helmets and shoulder pads..."

I cracked up. "I never knew you had such bloodlust in you, Alice! How dare those football players try to shield their heads from brain damage! The nerve..."

We reached the field and there was a sizeable crowd out. Well, let me qualify that--a sizeable crowd of female onlookers out. Alice was bobbing her head back and forth trying to look around the people in front of us.

"Okay, so...the match is between the Kiwi boys and some other team from the private Lutheran college on the other side of town. Oh Gawd...and there they are...4 is Seamus...and 9 is Emmett...9 is for you...and 4 is ALL for me..."

"Ha,Alice. You make them sound like McDonald's combo meal specials. I'll have the 4, Go Large, hold the special sauce..."I scanned the field of muscle bound men and then I saw them. Warming up. In all black. Sweet Geesus, Mary Mother of Pearl...

"Alice!" I slapped her hand for no reason other than for the mixture of panic and fascination I felt as I looked on at number 9.

She started laughing. " I KNOW...I've outdone myself. I've always said, maintain your standards and you will be rewarded in time..."

"I'm so not going to be his type!" Among the sea of good looking and bulky men, he was a definite standout. He was getting eyed up and down by girls on the sidelines as he swaggered by them.

"Relax, he's already seen a picture of you and he thought you were totally pretty."

"What picture?"

"The one on my cellphone where I woke you up with my cellphone cam for the first day of school..."

I looked at her in horror. "The one where I"m making that Popeye eye scrunch on my pillow? How could you?"

She looked at me innocently. ' I promise. He was like, "Wow, she's very pretty." And he even said you looked sweet.'

'Oh, lord, Alice. Can't you translate boyspeak? "Sweet" is code for "homely." Haven't Edward and Jasper taught you anything?'

Alice nodded her head from side to side as she sing songed, "Someone's-actively-fighting-against-getting-her-mojo-back..."

I stuck my tongue out at her. "No! It's just that...he's too...big. And hot. And coordinated. And fast looking. Edward only has slutty hair, but this guy has sex written all over every inch of him! Go pair him up with Chesty McGee over there on the sidelines. She'd be a better fit with her big boobs and child sized tank top."

Alice raised an eyebrow at me. "What's my brother then, looks wise? Chopped liver? Stop acting like you have a hunchback, Bella. Deal with the fact you can bag hotties easily if you choose to. And trust me, Edward's like 100 times more slutty than these two boys. So, if you can handle Edward, you can handle Emmett with one arm tied behind your back."

I glanced at her quizzically as she leaned in with a sly smile and whispered:

"Seamus and Emmett are like only one step down from dating priests. They just returned from Mormon missions two months ago. Total Clean Bill of Health! Clean as a sexual whistle!"

--

**Edward:**

"You sure don't have any errands to run over at the Business Office?" Jasper shot me a sly grin. Between the two of us, we had figured out most likely where Alice and Bella were meeting up for their date. Alice told me the date was on campus. She had told Jasper last Friday that she was taking in a sports match on Monday. Jasper had checked out what type of matches were happening in the afternoon, and the only logical answer was a rugby match on the northern part of campus. Just adjacent to the Business Office.

"I'm sure. The last thing I need is to be accused of stalking the Bella on her date." I went back to my paper I was doing research for. A paper not due for another two weeks but was proving to be a good distraction from the day's events for me in the library.

"You could technically be checking in on Alice, Edward. She IS your sister. A sister who doesn't even weigh a buck-oh-five dripping wet and technically shouldn't sit in the front passenger seat because she's the same height as a 12 year old."

I shot him a torn look. Did he really have to make this difficult for me?

"Well, I have a hunch the guy Alice is going out with is that Mike guy from the club. Bella's friend. Why he would take Alice of all people to a sports game is beyond me. She could hardly sit through our La Crosse matches in high school. She'll probably faint with the first sign of a blood at a rugby match."

I scrunched my nose: "Mike? I don't want Alice going out with Mike. I could tell he has a thing for Bella."

Jasper saw an opening. "Then just come with me to the Business Building to see if I'm right or not. It's a Monday and we are on campus because we go to school here. It's not exactly a big deal if we walk past the game. I'm not planning on talking to them or anything."

I looked at the clock and back at him. "Okay, I'll go with you really fast. But we don't stop at all near the field. I need a break from the library anyways--a little fresh air..."

Jasper raised his hand dismissively. "Hey, Edward-save the alibi for Bella."

--

**Alice:**

Seamus saw us standing on the sidelines right before the game started and waved enthusiastically at me. He nudged Emmett soon after in our direction. He waved as well with a big, easy grin.

"So, how do you know these guys again?" Bella seemed a little more at ease once he shot her that smile.

"I met Seamus through a friend I made in my Statistics class-another Kiwi girl named Mihi. She gave her stamp approval on both of them. They all went to a church boarding school together in New Zealand for high school. She says they are nice boys you can take home to Mom."

Bella laughed out loud. "I wouldn't dare bring either one home to my mom. She'd probably ask them out! Renee likes 'em young and athletic..."

The Kiwi team was assembling now as the match was getting underway. The were loosely falling into three rows as Emmett walked to the forefront.

"Is this how they position themselves for the start of the game?" Bella asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Hell if I know."

Out of nowhere, Emmett started yelling out commands in a different language. The other players behind him were breathing in deeply and making odd faces while slowly bending their knees.

Bella gasped. "Dude, what's going on??"

--

**Jasper:**

I promised Edward to just walk by without stopping. But once we got there, my curiousity peaked. Alice and Bella were standing alone watching the spectacle. And when I say spectacle, I mean a whole team of rugby players doing some sort of warrior chant. They were all squatting and yelling things while slapping their legs and flinging their arms up in the air. How could I not stop?

"What are they doing?"

Edward watched for a second. "I think they are doing a warrior like chant. It's called a haka. Sorta their version of huddling in a circle and yelling out your team name basically in the states."

**(included a "haka" on my profile of the NZ All Blacks getting their chant on.)**

Laughing, I added, "Well, that's a little more impressive than huddling in a circle."

Did Alice and Bella get stood up?" Edward was searching for any signs of dates around them, but to no avail.

I grinned. "What if they just made the double date up? Like to get us jealous or something?"

Edward shot me a look. "Why would Alice try to make you jealous?"

--

**Alice:**

Bella and I figured out it was a sort of masculine form of a team cheer. I have to admit though, male cheerleaders and Kiwi rugby players chanting are like on opposite sides of the hotness spectrum. Watching Seamus crouch down and slap his thighs in beat while yelling in another language was absolutely hypnotizing. That one ups an accent big time.

"Bella...Seamus is making me ovulate with all his thigh slapping and male posturing."

Bella giggled nervously. "Yeah, tell me about it. Look at Emmett--he's like the lead singer of the chanting group. He's getting all the solos!"

Bella was trying to make light of the shamelessly masculine display of our two dates, but I could tell deep down she was enjoying it just as much as I was.

Once the chant was over, the crowd erupted into cheers while Seamus and Emmett quickly jogged over to us.

"Hey, Alice! Glad you could make it."He gave me a chaste kiss on the side of cheek. He then turned to Bella." I'm Seamus. You must be Bella." He shook her hand politely as Emmett walked up.

"Alice!" He gave me a big bear hug and then directed his attention toward Bella with a huge grin. "Bella, right? That's a beautiful name." He leaned in and gave her a more polite, "introductory" style hug. But it still ended up looking somewhat boisterous. Bella's eyes widened but she hugged him back.

"Nice to meet you both," Bella said politely. Seamus gravitated back towards me while Emmett stayed put in front of Bella.

"So, Bella, "Emmett added," we hear you are a real crack-up. You going to entertain us today with your wit? I like a good laugh."

"Bewteen your bare thigh slapping and my smart mouth, I'm sure we'll all have loads to laugh about."

Emmett let out a huge chuckle as he threw his head back. "It's a deal. We need to get back." They both ran back toward their team. I couldn't help but notice how tall they were, they towered over both of us. And I was also noticing, and not even in a terribly dirty way, how incredibly tight their buns were as they ran off. Buns of steel had nothing on these boys.

"Uh...Bella..."

She turned to me. "Don't say it, Alice. Let's try to maintain some dignity here. Don't say one word about what you are staring at while they run away."

--

**Edward:**

Jasper and me watched with our mouths opened as the two rugby players greeted both of them warmly.

"Well, Edward, that's definitely not Mike Newton."

xx


	17. Cool Rider

**Chapter 17: Cool Rider**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews! Some helpful reviewers mentioned something to me regarding my last chapter that I want to bring up--Rugby numbers don't go up to 36! They apparently go from 1-15. Thanks for the clarification ladies-I inadvertantly made Emmett like the water boy with that number!lol I've got alot of Kiwi family and friends, so that part isn't too hard for me to conjure up, but the only thing I know about rugby is that attractive boys play it. :)**

**note: Since "Cool Rider" figures in this chapter, you know I had to link a youtube video of it on my profile-you know you wish you could see Emmett singing this song to Rose in the Twilight book!**

**note: This is short, but some reviewers thought I should have added the date in the last chappie, so here it is.**

**BPOV**

"Okay, okay, okay...say... "better."" I hit Alice under the table as Seamus and Emmett tried not to laugh at her overzealousness.

"How Ugly American of us to make you repeat words for our own enjoyment," I said as I felt myself blush. This was at least the 5th word Alice had asked Seamus to say in his Kiwi accent.

Seamus looked at me incredulously. "You do understand I intend to use my accent to it's full potential while in the states, right Bella? It's one of my secret weapons."

He gave Alice a quick wink and we both laughed. Seamus quickly wiped the smirk of his face,put up his index finger like he needed a moment of silence to concentrate, put his head back dramatically, then set it back forward slowly. "Beh-dah."

Alice giggled with delight and clapped her hands. I had never seen the girl this giddy before. Alice is vivacious-but giddy was a new thing to see on her. Not that I blamed her-Seamus and her were getting along famously. He had a razor sharp sense of humor that could keep up with her own comic sensibilities, and they had been laughing together throughout the day.

It had been a very low key affair, our afternoon together after the very entertaining and somewhat bloody rugby match. Seamus and Emmett were new to the college, neither of them had a car, and both were on some international student scholarship program that limited the amount of hours they could work to make money. So, between their tight finances, lack of transportation and knowledge of the area in general, they had planned a cost efficient, campus bound date. We followed them back to their dorm building where they excused themselves to get cleaned up. Once they were freshly showered, we headed out to the little used, and overly dated campus bowling alley.

Alice was freaked out at first-she had up until that point forsaken bowling on the grounds of having to wear smelly rented shoes. But she soon gave into peer pressure- or more specifically, Seamus pressure:

"Aw, Alice! That's part of the bowling experience-getting your socks all funky with the smell of bowling patrons that have stepped in before you!"

The guys got a good chuckle at watching Alice line her shoes with toilet seat covers she stole from the restroom before daring to put a foot in--"Hey, the seat covers are less porous than toilet paper!".

But Alice and I got the last laugh as Emmett and Seamus were forced to wear bowling shoes a size too small for the duration of the game. The rental shoes stopped at size 13, and both those big boys were a size 14. By the end of the first match, they were both walking pidgeon toed out of pain. I kept mocking Emmett for his sorry bowling skills(he was dead last-even after Alice), while he kept mocking me for an earlier mishap that showed off my coordination challenges. I had thrown my bowling ball with a good amount of force-only to realize that two of my knuckles were stuck in the holes. And my hand never seperated as the bowling ball went flying-my whole body jerked forward as I tripped over myself. Seamus and Alice gasped in concern-but Seamus cracked up loudly as he ran over to me and forced my fingers free.

"Bella, you are truly the most graceful creature I"ve ever seen," he said between gasps of hysterical laughter.

"And still this spastic creature who can't put one foot in front of the other can STILL beat your athletic ass in bowling-along with the girl who has toilet seat covers stuffed in her shoes!" He cracked up even louder.

We had headed to the campus "Creamery" afterwards for some ice cream. The boys were very indignant of mainland ice cream in general, explaining that their homeland concoctions of fruit mixtured ice cream resembled nothing of the overly processed ice cream we served here. But they had found the Creamery's malt shakes to be tolerable, so they ordered a round for all of us.

It was weird how well we were all getting along-usually blind dates are so awkward and no one can ever seem to find the right timing with the other person for a couple hours. I was initially intimidated by Emmett-he looked like he could possibly be that ahole jock stud from high school that made your skin crawl. But he put me at ease right away--he had three younger sisters at home, and it was apparent. He related to us in a very familiar way I thought-the way he probably related to his sisters and their friends-friendly, teasing, affectionately.

After Alice had Seamus say a bunch of words with his accent, I had a total deja vu moment. "This date is straight out of a scene from Grease people. We just bowled. And now we are all sipping malts out of two straws in an old fashioned diner booth.You guys successfully transported me back to the 50's. I feel like Stephanie right now from Grease 2..."

Seamus scrunched his nose. "Grease 2 is horrible. Grease is better. Michelle Pfiffer is no match for Sandy."

Alice let out a inappropriate loud giggle. I looked at her questioningly. "What? Seamus knows his "Grease"--and he said better. Or beh-dah...Like that didn't deserve a squeal..."

We spent the rest of the way walking back to our dorms arguing which Grease movie was better. Seamus and Alice were Grease purists, rejecting Grease 2 outright, while I fought nobly for Grease 2-mostly to annoy Seamus and Alice. Emmett was staying neutral, appreciating the finer points of both movies.

"How can you guys diss on a movie that stars Adrian Zmed? Or a movie that includes the musical classic "_Cool Rider_?" Come on!"

Emmetts eyes sparkled in recognition with my reference to my favorite movie musical song of all time. My eyes narrowed. "Emmett...do you know "Cool Rider?""

Emmett nodded furiously. "I have three younger sisters-of course I know Cool Rider. Do you know how many times I've had to play opposite their Sandy or Stephanie with their friends?"

I started laughing with that image in my head and then broke into the first verse. "_If you really want to know...what I want in a guy...When I'm looking for a dream on a mean machine...WITH HELL IN HIS EEEEEYYYEEESS..."_

Emmett took over, with a great voice I might add, "**I want a devil in** **skin tight leather**..That's gonna be as wild as the wind..."

I cracked up so hard hearing him sing those ridiculous lyrics, I slapped my knees. When I looked up, I realized we were almost next to our dorm door. And in front of the door? Was Edward. Watching on with a sad look on his face. Crap.

He quickly put on a smile and extended his hand. "Hey, I'm Edward."

--

**EPOV**

What the HELL is up with guys wanting to see Bella in leather??


	18. The Longest Time

**Chapter 18: The Longest Time**

**note: Okay, this song the "Longest Time" is super important in this chapter-if you play it during the last part when it comes up, the scene makes alot more sense. So, go to my profile and play it(but please for the love of God don't actually watch the youtube video-it's a real mood killer watching Billie Joel dancing all spastically!). Don't just sit there-link it.**

**note: I"m updating my other story today for those wondering why I"m not updating it and yet producing updates left and right for this story!**

**note: if you don't live in certain places, mainly on the West Coast-In-N-Out Burger drive-thrus are like legendary for the burgers/fries/shakes AND for having a 50's retro feel and vibe to the place. Thus the reason Edward picked it-trying to keep with that retro theme Alice told him to.**

**note: Double-Double from In-n-Out:Translation-a double patty burger with really greasy but good grilled onions splattered on top-the most popular way to eat an In-N-Out burger.**

**EPOV**

"Hey, I'm Edward." I was trying to figure out what to say next. "I'm Alice's brother." Both guys shook my hand and introduced themselves in a friendly manner.

"I'm sorry I"m just standing out here-Alice told me to come around this time." I gave Alice an awkward look to remind her it WAS her idea for me to come by at this time. She quickly checked her watch. "Crap, I'm sorry Edward. I didn't realize what time it was! Emmett and Seamus, this is my brother I mentioned before. The one who plays La Crosse."

Emmett smiled sincerely. "That's great! All three of my sisters play. " He quickly caught on how that must have sounded, because he added without missing a beat, "I wish I was better at it though." His eyebrows furrowed, seemingly not satsfied by his qualification. "You interested in any other sports, Edward? Basketball, surfing?You look like the athletic type." Smart-redirecting the conversation away from the fact that I have so much in common with his three sisters while making me feel less like a girl.

"Uh, I never tried surfing, but I'd like to. I play a little ball, but not that well." I tried to maintain the plastered on smile.

Emmett's eyes brightened. "My boys and I are going out this weekend to see what kind of waves are out this way-you should come out with us. We'll get your number from Alice-yeah, Alice?" Alice nodded slowly.

I'll need to shut that idea down quickly. "Thanks-that's really nice of you. I don't know about this weekend but maybe another time." I paused, trying to figure out a good escape. " Listen, I have to get back to the library, but I'll come back when I'm done... Alice." I was making this so much more awkward than it had to be. "Nice to meet you guys. See you later." I walked as fast as I could down the hallway. Why didn't I call before coming over?

"Edward, wait!"

--

**BPOV**

"Edward, wait!" I hurried up to him with a smile. "Don't go. Come back to the room-we are all just hanging out."

He shook his head. "No, I swear I didn't mean to interrupt you guys like that. I have a couple errands to run anyways-I'll be back soon. Okay?" He smiled reassuringly.

"Okay." I gave him a quick wink and headed back to my dorm.

--

**EPOV**

I started again for the elevator.

"Edward, wait!"

I sighed-this was getting old. Did I look and act as pathetic as Bella and now Alice were making it seem, running after me like this like a sympathy tag team?

"What, Alice."

Alice gave me a evaluating look. "Pretty good effort back there, bro. I'm proud of you."

"It didn't look too awkward?"

"No, it looked awkward as hell, but at least you tried to be a sport." She tried to not crack a smile. "Sorry, I should have kept better track of the time."

I winced. "I just feel bad because I look like I was being weird standing outside her door like that."

Alice gave me a big hug. "No, she didn't think that was weird, or else she wouldn't have followed after you." She pulled in closer and whispered in my ear:"I know I'm hard on you alot of the times with Bella, but I am secretly rooting for you." She craned her head back to look at me. "I just didn't realize how potent my matchmaking powers were." She said it almost smugly.

I sighed. "Great, so this is about you feeling sorry for me because Emmett just swept her off her feet."

Alice thought for a second. "No. Bella actually kept it at a very friendly, casual level and he mirrored her back. But you know Bella can have a way about her. And Emmett is...well, Emmett. He's kind of perfect."

"Thanks for the pep talk, sis. I think I"ll leave before you make me feel any better. "

She laughed. "No, he really IS perfect. But Bella is holding back right now. Emphasis on RIGHT NOW Edward."

"Keep going, Alice. I know this is going somewhere."

"Of course it is. She's holding back because I think she's wondering about you two still. So...I think tonight is a little bit important."

"I know that, Alice--"

"Edward, no you don't. You weren't on the date tonight with her and Emmett. There were some things he and Seamus for that matter did that were very...appealing. To girls like Bella and me."

"Such as--"

"Well. They were total gentlemen. But not boring-very funny and...dishy..." She sighed for a second.

"Enough with the details, if they are only about how you drooled over them together."

She put a finger up. "Sorry-got distracted. But they took us bowling and bought us a malt shake. Totally simple, right? But Bella was tickled pink. She even mentioned how she felt like she was transported to the 50's and felt like she was in a scene in Grease. It was just very sweet and nonthreatening. Especially since she first looked at Emmett and thought he looked like some slutty jock..."

I couldn't help but laugh. "What's with her and thinking guys look slutty?"

"That's part of my point, Edward. Her lack of experience makes her so on guard already with guys to start with. You messed up big time of course, and made her have to be on guard with you that much more. So, tonight? Please do something that is sweet and nonthreatening in every way possible. And most importantly, something that lets her know how you feel. A grand gesture of sorts."

"What do you think my tattoo was for?" I looked at her incredulously.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, let's be honest-you effed that grand gesture up big time. So, time for a new grand gesture--less grand this time, but something more meaningful that expresses where you are at this moment with her. Nothing too overwrought-just maybe hopeful. And don't forget the fact she loved the retro stuff--that can't hurt when picking out a 2 is off limits though-Emmett covered that territory with her already and you won't be able to top him. Damn, does she have a thing for Grease 2 too..." She looked off to the side shaking her head and started walking away from me.

"Wait, what am I suppossed to think up in an hour?"

She kept walking not looking at me. "I don't know-that's all on you."

She stopped suddenly and turned one last time. "OH, and I still don't think you deserve her. YET. But I want you to be in the running at least."

--

**BPOV**

"Where's your car?" Edward was opening the door to a convertible-not a Volvo.

"Oh, I just borrowed Jasper's car. The sky's so clear tonight, I thought we'd take his instead."

I rested my head and closed my eyes for a second as he drove-the air felt so good swishing around me. Something else smelled good in the air. I looked down--"In-N-Out Burger! You saint, Edward! I haven't eaten all day really."

He smiled proudly at me. "Good, cause I bought you a Double Double, animal style."

We ended up driving to a secluded outlook point on the side of a hill that overlooked the valley. It was beautiful, with all the lights twinkling below us, and all the stars twinkling above us. As he busted out the In-N-Out offerings, he started laughing.

"If Jasper knew we were eating hamburgers, fries and shakes in his car, he would have a heart attack. He's so anal about his baby."

We started imagining ways to freak out poor Jasper. Leaving used ketchup packets on the dashboard-letting greasy grilled onions hanging from his rearview mirror...

"Bella, I want us to have fun tonight, so I just want to get a small something out of the way."

I reflexively winced. He caught it too.

"Hopefully it's not too big of a deal. I just wanted to let you know that Alice and I were talking last night, and I talked to Jasper this morning. And between the three of us, we want to pick you up from now on when you work your waitressing shifts."

I couldn't help but grimace. "Edward, really, I wouldn't feel comfortable about that at all... especially with Jasper."

"It doesn't have to be Jasper. It could be me every night getting you. I just didn't want you to think I was being possessive or anything by doing it alone. It's not about me wanting to keep an eye on you-I just think you know it's not safe walking home like that. You know it isn't. And all three of us would rather pick you up than worry about you walking around at all odd hours in the night like that."

"I can't let you do that." I had to be firm about this-it was too much of a hassle for them.

"Bella, if Alice wasn't close by to me and she was in your position, I would hope to God her friends would do the same thing for her. And if you had a little sister, you'd hope for the same thing."

I just sat there shaking my head.

"Bella, be reasonable."

I was starting to get annoyed. "I am being reasonable-I don't like to feel like a charity case, and I don't like to put people out. I've been able to take care of myself up until now just fine, Edward, I don't see the need to do things differently now."

He sighed fustratedly. "You took care of yourself all these years Bella because the people who should have been there to take care of you dropped the ball. I'm sorry to talk shit about your family like this, but that's the truth. It isn't normal that you took care of yourself since you were a young kid, Bella! It isn't normal to think you have to do everything for yourself. And it's not abnormal that people who care about you want to help you a little when they see you getting your ass kicked with work and school."

I was taken aback by his tone-and his meaning. I could feel my eyes starting to tear-his words stung. He didn't notice though because he was looking forward still.

--

**EPOV**

She could be so damned prideful about her situation. "And it's not abnormal that people who care about you think you could get a better paying job so you work less hours maybe ." I took out several business cards and stuffed them in her purse. "Alice and I snooped around this morning finding some leads for you. I hope you don't get pissed off at Alice the way you do with me either-she's just as worried as I am about you."

Out of nowhere, I heard sniffles. I watched on in horror as Bella's hair was covering her face, but her shoulders were shaking slightly.

I reflexively reached over and wrapped my arm around her shoulder. "Oh hell, Bella...I'm sorry. Don't cry, I"m sorry I got mad at you like that..."

She shook her head while sniffling more loudly. "I--don't know why you guys like me so much..."

I couldn't help myself from cracking up. " I know why we like you so much. Why wouldn't we?"

"I just don't want you guys to see me as some project or something. I sometimes think that-about you especially."

I looked at her with shock. "What? Explain right now. You can't just throw that out there and leave it hanging."

She looked up now, almost defiant. " I worry that part of the reason you are still interested in me is because I told you so much about myself that first day in the meadow, you feel responsible for me now. I worry you have some knight complex that feels fulfilled when I'm around."

"Bella, that's absolutely absurd. What you told me that day didn't make me pity you and make me feel superior-all it did was humble me. It just made me admire you more and made me feel very coddled in comparison."

She started to cry again. "I don't even know why Alice is so nice to me. She drags me along everywhere and I feel like a burden to her. And I feel so bad, because deep down she's like the sister I would have created if I could. It makes me feel guilty for relying on her too much."

I had to laugh again. "Alice looks up to you so much, you have no idea. Bella, we both gravitate toward you. It's not hard to imagine-we are family! It was the same way when Jasper moved to our neighborhood. He didn't become just my friend-he became like a brother to me and Alice. It was like we adopted him on the spot within days of meeting him-and we have never let go to this day. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I"m sorry. The Cullen kids have set our sights on you now. And you are going to have to fight long and hard if you think we are letting go of you either so easily."

I looked back at her finally-not sure if I had crossed the line with what I said. And meant. But instead, she was wiping a tear, while smiling brilliantly.

**--**

(A/N: Okay, if you don't get your "Longest Time" linked on another tab right now, you are just not working with me because the song is the good part, not what I write. lol It's on my profile.)

**BPOV**

After some deep negotiations, I finally accepted their offer to pick me up. I didn't want Jasper going out of his way unless there was an emergency-feeding me breakfast half of the week was enough from the guy. I would take the bus if I got off before 8:00PM. And I in turn promised to get a ride from either Alice or him whenever I got off after 8:00 PM. He was quite smug about his ability to wear me down.

"Oh, shoot. Wait. Enough about that for now. Sit back and listen. This is the whole reason I took you up here." He turned the key in the ignition and put the radio on. He then put it on a particular station and let out a deep breath.

"What time is it again?"

I looked at my watch. "10:12 PM."

"Okay..." He looked forward with a very confused look on his face that made me crack up.

"What are you doing?"

He turned around suddenly. "Bella, I want you to know I know that nothing's a sure thing at this point. I know I"m the reason why nothing's a sure thing now. And I realized that more than ever today. And maybe because I messed up so early on, I may have redirected fate in a different direction..." He grabbed my hand quickly, and checked my watch. "But I feel like I need to make it clear more than ever how I feel about you. You know my words get all twisted when I try to talk you about...us. So, I wanted you to hear a song that says expresses me better than I express myself. Every word explains how I feel, Bella."

He stared at me like he was going to throw up, and I couldn't help it-I giggled. "Okay." I shrugged my shoulders. "Let's hear it."

"Wait--it's not on yet. Wait. okay...? Just don't talk so you hear every word." He was acting all disoriented, it was making hard not to laugh outright.

So we waited...and waited some more...in silence as he looked with great anticipation at the radio.

"Damnit..." He started to get especially prickly by 10:27 PM. And then I heard it...

"This is Art Le Beau, with a special dedication going out to Bella from Edward. Here's "The Longest Time" from Billie Joel." I threw a sly side glance his way. He was looking forward so still, he looked like a statue. "Every word." He said softly.

**If you said goodbye to me tonight**

**There would still be music left to write**

**What else could I do**

**Im so inspired by you**

**That hasnt happened for the longest time**

I didn't know the song, but it was 50's style doo-wop number. It was so sweet sounding-but the words were standing out more than anything. "Music left to write." "I'm so inspired by you." It reminded me of how Alice had joked that in the past month she had nicknamed Edward Phantom of the Opera. During our correspondance only stage, Edward had been spending an inordinate amount of time playing said Jasper and her would tease him that they were afraid he was going to kidnap me, take me down to an underground lair, and scream, "Sing My Angel of Music!" in my face while playing a bad ass organ. I glanced over at him-he was still looking forward mouthing the words.

**Once I thought my innocence was gone**

**Now I know that happiness goes on**

**Thats where you found me**

**When you put your arms around me**

**I havent been there for the longest time**

As I listened to the words, so many memories were flooding back to me. Conversations I had had with Alice, where she leaked things to me about Edward. Things I probably shouldn't know to be honest, but made the lyrics more meaningful anyways. How he told Alice he knew there was something special there that very first night, when he wrapped his arms around me as we fell asleep talking. He said it was like finding something you had been missing for so long-but you didn't realize you were missing it until you found it.

**I'm that voice youre hearing in the hall**

**And the greatest miracle of all**

**Is how I need you**

**And how you needed me too**

**That hasnt happened for the longest time**

He softly laid his flat hand on mine when the the singer sang, "Is how I need you." He kept looking forward, face still serious.

**Maybe this wont last very long**

**But you feel so right**

**And I could be wrong**

**Maybe Ive been hoping too hard**

**But Ive gone this far**

**And its more than I hoped for**

He lightly gripped my hand when he heard "Maybe I've been hoping too hard." I tried to not let out a smile while I slowly scooted over slightly in his direction in response.

**Who knows how much further well go on**

**Maybe Ill be sorry when youre gone**

**Ill take my chances**

**I forgot how nice romance is**

**I havent been there for the longest time**

We both looked at eachother after the line about how nice romance is. I looked away with a smirk as he scooted slightly closer in my direction.

I had second thoughts at the start

**I said to myself**

**Hold on to your heart**

**Now I know the woman that you are**

**Youre wonderful so far**

**And its more than I hoped for**

Alice told me that Edward had told her that after our first night talking, he chastised himself in bed for his feelings for me. That he needed to be more careful around me. But that he woke up the next morning, and promptly went to Starbucks to buy me a cinnamon bun. I giggled at that memory as he put an arm around me. Just the other night we had easily been affectionate with eachother, but it meant something different at this moment to touch eachother. Which may have explained how tenatively his arm laid on my shoulder. He slowly tilted his head and nuzzled me lightly.

**I dont care what consequence it brings**

**I have been a fool for lesser things**

**I want you so bad--**

His nuzzling stopped abruptly as he softly kissed me at the top of my neck near my ear. I couldn't help it-I knew I'd probably regret it, but at that moment my only reaction was to tilt my head slightly in the other direction-to let him have more room to work with. He kissed me more urgently again in the same spot; but then backed away, cursing under his breath.

**I think you ought to know that**

**I intend to hold you for the longest time**

"Damnit, I promised myself I wasn't going to try to kiss you. Why did you have to be all adorable scooting over my way? You ruined my big plan!"

"Sure, play the victim, Edward. What was the big plan anyways?"

He twisted his mouth. "Just to hold you for the longest time , if things were going well at least."

"Nothings stopping you from still doing that now." I leaned my head on this shoulders while he wrapped both arms around me securely.


	19. Emmett Unplugged

**Chapter 19: Emmett Unplugged**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews-I loved writing my last chappie! I've got a good chappie coming up, but I gotta get some plotpoints out of the way first before I can get there!lol **

**EPOV**

"Stop sniffing her pillow-that's creepy!" Alice threw a pillow at my head from her bed as I tried to feign ignorance in her direction. Bella and I had fallen asleep in Jasper's convertible the night before. By the time we finally staggered back to her dorm around 4:00 AM, I was barely coherent.

"Come on, Edward," Bella said as she took my hand, "climb in. You aren't driving home in this condition." She didn't have to ask me twice. I slipped into her sheets first and she followed, backing into me comfortably. I instinctively threw an arm over her waist and nuzzled into the back of her neck. The next thing I knew, it was 10:00 am, and Bella had long left for her classes.

"Seriously, get out of her bed if you are going to be a perv, I can't stand the sound of you whiffing up her linens like that!" Alice only had eye open, but that's all she needed to fix a glare in my direction.

"I"m not sniffing like a perv." I stared back at her defensively." I just like the smell of her fabric softener, okay? "

She let out a laugh. "HA, liar! She doesn't use fabric softener-she's allergic to all that smelly stuff."

I buried my face in her pillow again. "Well, something smells good--I think it's her hair." I muffled.

"I think it's her phermones, singing out to you and making you act like an idiot." She began her long list of questions soon afterward-what had I ended up doing for our date, why did we get home so late, did I do something stupid that would make Bella regret last night,etc.

"I was a perfect gentleman, Alice. You would have been very proud, " I said triumphantly, after telling her just enough to satisfy her curiosity.

"Snaking your way into her bed under false pretenses and spooning her while she's unconscious isn't exactly gentlemanly." Her teasing smile made it clear she was joking. "She looked quite chipper as she got ready today though, I have to admit."

My ears perked up. "Did she?" Alice nodded.

"Hey, when is she off work next, Ali?"

"I got dibs on her next afternoon off in two days. I don't know when she has a free night though."

I gave her a suspicious look as she grinned at me mischievously. "Damnit, Alice! Not that Rugby player again!"

She nodded with a laugh. "It's not a big deal-they are just going to take us out surfing--"

"Bella can't go surfing! She has a hard enough time walking on hard surfaces. With her luck, she'll get the strangled by the foot chord!!"

--

**APOV**

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, Edward, you get so weird about her. She's tough as nails and you treat her like she can't walk in a straight line without your help."

He put his head down and said softly, "She's not that tough."

"She'll be just FINE, I promise." He glanced up at me with a sour expression.

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Edward, she deserves to have some fun in her life. And it's good for her to see you being patient and not being a hypocrite after your little oopsie last month. You should be thanking me for making you look like such a martyr!"

--

**BPOV**

The wind was intolerable against my face. My arms were sore. My nose and throat were burning from the salt water. The wetsuit Alice's friend Mihi let me borrow was doing me no good-I felt like a human ice cube. And still, I was loving every minute of my introductory surfing lesson. I groaned when Alice first told me we were going out with Emmett and Seamus again to learn how to surf. I reiterated to her how unnatural sports and I were when placed alongside eachother, but she reminded me of my pledge this year to do things I wouldn't normally do. I had cursed her at that moment for her good memory.

But here I was, an hour into our tutorial, and Alice had already gotten out of the water. I was still sitting on my board in the ocean, determined to finally catch a wave and stand up before I left. Alice was actually more of a natural than me when it came to boarding; but weighing in at under a 100lbs, she couldn't handle the temperature for more than a half an hour at a time. I could see her in the distance holding Seamus' hand as he led her around a slippery reef. They were collecting shells it seems-she kept shoving shells into his swim trunks. I couldn't help but smile--I wondered if Alice would get her first kiss today.

"Hey, Peeping Tom," Emmett splashed some water in my direction as he teased me. The ocean was very smooth today-the small waves were just right for learning on, but the water was calm enough where you could just sit on your board and chill if you chose.

"I"m not peeping-they just look cute over there."

"Are you okay, Bella? You seem a little distracted today." I looked at him in confusion.

"Really? I'm really enjoying myself, I feel quite focused on getting this surf thingy down so I can say I conquered one sport in my lifetime."

"Wait, a graceful creature like you hasn't conquered a sport yet?" I flipped him off and he roared with laughter. For some reason, Emmett loved it when I cussed or flipped him off. I still had no idea why, but you couldn't say I wasn't accomodating.

"Do you know how rebellious I feel flipping off a Mormon missionary? Especially one who was the newest member of the My Big Fat Virgin club? I feel quite subversive right now." For whatever reason compelled her, Alice had told Emmett and Seamus about our Virginity Club we established and how we thought there was some conspiracy by the college to room us together to quarantine the virgins. Emmett and Seamus both looked at eachother and cracked up. They told us that our conspiracy must be right, since they were virgin roommates as well. Alice gave a quick wink as to say " I told you they were nonslutty!" before offering them a membership in our club.

We attempted to catch a couple more waves together, but I couldn't get myself to stand up. I got as far as getting on my knees, but then I would slip off to one side or other within seconds. Emmett would laugh each time like it was some big surprise, and then laugh louder when I would flip him off. We changed strategies at that point. Instead of surfing alongside eachother in seperate smaller boards, Emmett had me go out on his friend's longboard with him. "This will make it easier for me to help you stand up," he explained.

While we waited between the sets of waves, we were close enough now to have a normal conversation. I asked him about his mission to Ecuador. He asked me about my family. When I asked him how he was liking University, he grimaced.

"I'm still getting used to being back in my normal life. I basically lived like a priest for two years in another country. And now I"m someplace new and starting all over. So, it's a transition, definitely." I found out I was his first date since getting off his mission and I teased him I was flattered to help usher him back into the dating scene. He asked me if I had dated much since school started and I didn't know how to answer it honestly.

"I've gone on a couple other dates. But I work so much, there isn't much time for that."

He let out a soft laugh. "Was those couple other dates with Alice's brother?"

I looked back at him suspiciously. "How did you know?"

He burst out laughing. "When I met him after our first date, he looked like his dog just got ran over. I thought it was about Seamus with Alice. But then he hurried off and you ran after him."

"It was that obvious?"

He nodded. " He seems to like you alot."

"Eh...it's complicated."

"How?"

Within minutes of him inquiring and then telling me I could trust him, I was pouring everything out to him. It was a strange thing--here I was in the middle of the ocean on a date with a gorgeous guy, and I'm telling him about how I"m hung up on my roommates brother. The strangest part though was how good a listener he was, and how he seemed genuinely interested in offering his opinion. At one point I asked him if this was as odd as I thought it was. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Like I said Bella, I still feel like a priest in alot of ways. This actually feels more normal than being on a date for me right now." He gave me a brilliant smile, and I continued. I told him about how we first met, our first night talking, the next day in the meadow. When I told him about the tattoos, he rolled his eyes and chuckled. When I explained about that night in Suede, he became more serious and listened more intently. Once I explained everything up until the night we had In-N-Out, I wasn't sure what to say next.

"And that's it."

"Wow, Bella, you two sure packed a punch in a small amount of time. I'm tired just listening about it."

I laughed. "I just don't know how to proceed from here you know? I don't feel it's safe to proceed actually. But at the same time, I want to."

He thought for a moment. "I'm a little rusty on dating advice honestly, Bella. But I would look at it this way. From a religious perspective"--

I snorted at him. He raised an eyebrow and I tried to put a straight face back on.

"Thank you. From a religious perspective, there's just some basic principles to apply in any circumstance. Did you grow up religious, Bella?"

I hedged. " I got baptized as a baby and went to a couple services at Easter when my grandmother made me. Does that count?"

He laughed. "Sure. But listening to your story, I can't help but think of the principle of grace. Stop laughing." He wagged a finger at me as I tried not to giggle."Grace is when someone gives you something you could never possibly earn on your own. And yet when someone shows that much trust in you, to give you something that you don't deserve, it can make you want to be a much better person than you had ever intended. Similarly, when someone shows you grace, it can inspire you to be more than you had ever imagined for yourself."

I thought over in my head what he had just said. I remembered back to after we got our tattoos and I told him to be careful with me. He had said something similar. Edward had said my trust in him when he knew he didn't deserve made him want to try that much harder. And yet, hours later, he messed everything up.

"I think you need to keep an eye on Edward, to make sure he stays sincere. Only time will tell. The big brother in me has to say that, cause you do need to proceed carefully." He gave me a sweet smile and I could feel my eyes getting a little watery-and not from the salt water." But Bella, at some point you will have to decide if he's worth giving him your grace. Don't be afraid to show it to him once you feel it's right, because he sounds like someone who will only be more inspired by it. It sounds like you have changed him for the better in many ways already."

I felt my eyes brimming with tears at this point. "Man, Emmett I think I just got the best advice from the hottest priest alive!" I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Now, let's see if we can get you to stand now, okay?" He gave me a reassuring smile. "And maybe you can help me find a new dating buddy since you sound like you'll be off the market sooner than later."

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Why hadn't I thought of this before? I eyed him with a mischievous smile. "How do you feel about blondes? Blondes who make Victoria Secret Models look like hags?"

--


	20. Bella The Matchmaker

**Chapter 20: Bella The MatchMaker**

**note: Thanks for the reviews! **

**BPOV**

"Okay, I think I"m going to win tonight Rose. _Is your daddy a pirate?You could have fooled me with booty like that_."

Rose laughed out loud. "Good, but not good enough. _Come over and sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up__."_

I grimaced. "Oh, my hell. Guys are such pigs."I slapped down a dollar. This was quickly becoming a little ritual between Rose, a bartender at Casey Moran's, and me. We bet a dollar a night on who got the worst pick up line. Some men only need a little alcohol and an audience of encouraging friends to act like total idiots. Rose usually won, because as the bartender she was stuck around the biggest idiots of all. Oh-and also because she's probably the most beautiful woman ever born, and men totally lose their marbles around her. "What was your response to him?"

She smiled glibly. "So, we will be talking about the shame of having a pencil penis?"

I cracked up heartily and smacked down another dollar. "That earned bonus points." She laughed, but pushed the dollar back my way. Rose scared the heck out of me when I first started-she doesn't acknowledge you unless you are speaking to her about something work related, she cusses in such creative ways that even sailors would blush, she never uses your name(just points and says "you"), she'll yell at a moment's notice if you mess up an order. But by the third time she screamed at me and snapped her fingers in my face, I retaliated. I snapped my fingers right back at her and strung together a clever concoction of cusswords of my own in her direction. All the other waitresses watched in stunned silence, expecting Rose to break a bottle over my head.

Instead she started laughing and asked,"What does asspie mean?" From that moment on, we were as thick as thieves.

Our main form of connection came from our shared hatred of all things cheesy. And where we worked? It was like a big vat of Cheese Whiz. Cheesy outfits, cheesy restaurant patrons, cheesy music, cheesy coworkers who lived for all the cheese. So, we had alot to bond over.

"Hey Rose. I was wondering. Um...would you be up for a blind date-"

She snorted. "No way..."

"WAIT. Seriously Rose, I only thought of you because he's too beautiful and awesome for anyone else. It's like I found She-Ra for He-Man, you can't deny me this..."

"No, no, no..."

"But Rose, I know you haven't even dated in awhile--"

She looked at me, shocked. "How do you KNOW that?"

"I asked around--"

With those three words, Rose changed quickly. "Why would you ask around? What were you expecting to find about? Oh, I'm sure you got a earful. That's completely shitty of you, Bella... " She threw a washrag on the bar and walked away briskly.

I looked on in stunned silence and noticed Angela, a gentle natured co-worker of mine, looking my way sympathetically. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. Here, I'll help you clean up your station."

Angela and Rose were local girls from town-they had grown up here, and neither were enrolled at the University. As we were cleaning, Angela let me know what may have set off Rose earlier in a hushed whisper.

"I'm only telling you this Bella because she's your friend and I know you won't treat this like gossip. But a little over a year back, Rose was... sexually assaulted-"

I gasped, which made Angela put a finger to her lip-I was being too loud.

"Badly, Bella. Just a random act of violence on a girl walking home at night at the wrong place and time. I just thought you should know so you realize why she hasn't dated in awhile...and will probably not appreciate you bringing that fact up." Angela put a hand on my arm gently as tears were pooling in my eyes.

"Thanks Angela. I"m so stupid."

Angela shook her head and smiled. "No, you aren't. You were being just a good friend to her. She needs that too-there aren't alot of people who get past her abrasiveness to see the real girl behind it."

As I walked outside to get picked up by Edward, I was never more grateful than at that moment that I didn't have walk back to the dorms. Poor Rose.

--

**JPOV**

I insisted on picking up Bella so that Edward could stay with Alice. Alice had gotten a concussion the day before while trying to surf with the Rugby meathead. What idiot takes a 95 pound girl out into the water like that in the first place? Edward and I were both staying with her while Bella worked, keeping her company. I was hoping I could have a couple minutes alone with Bella just to make sure things were okay with Alice.

"Jasper...Hey!" Bella came towards my car with a slightly confused look.

"Come on in-hey thanks for the ketchup packets on my dashboard by the way." She grimaced and started laughing.

"Sorry you had to pick me up. Is Edward with Alice?" I nodded. "How is Alice feeling right now?"

"Better." I paused, trying to think how to approach this. "Speaking of Alice, Bella..." She stared at me expectantly as I tried to put my words together coherently."

"About this morning, I was wondering... did Seamus spend the night in your guys' room?"

--

**BPOV**

I"m so evil. I am so, so evil for what I am about to do. I should know better-I'm obviously a really crappy matchmaker-look how the Rose-Emmett matchup blew up in my face. But I couldn't help myself. I was going to try my hand at matchmaking one more time.

Yesterday, Alice decided to paddle back out to Emmett and me and catch a few more waves before we left. Seamus was right behind her when a huge wave came toward her. She tried to dip under the wave holding onto the top of her board the way the boys showed us, but instead the board shot out from underneath her and landed on top of her--while the wave smacked into her simultaneously. Seamus and Emmett went into total lifeguard mode, getting her out of the water and making sure she was breathing okay. They then rushed her to the ER. She had a slight concussion that she swore wasn't a big deal, but Seamus and Emmett insisted on taking her back to the dorm and playing nursemaid to her for the rest of the evening. They even asked to give her a blessing for heck's sake. While they were both kneeling over her praying with their eyes closed, she looked over at me with a thumbs up and mouthed, "so nonslutty!"

Emmett eventually went home, but Seamus stayed the night to make sure she got up every couple hours for her concussion. He felt horribly guilty for what had happened. I tried to make him a makeshift bed, but he told us it was Polynesian style to just find a place on the floor and curl up. So like a little faitful pet, he laid by Alice's bed for the night, with nothing but a pillow and a blanket. When I texted Edward and Jasper early that morning to let them know what had happened before I headed out to school, Jasper was knocking on our door within minutes. His jaw fell open when he came upon the scene. Before him was Alice asleep on the bed, looking like Sleeping Beauty--and sleeping sitting up against her bed while holding onto to her hand? Seamus, looking every bit the part of Prince Charming--if Charming worked out faithfully every day to get thighs that substantial.

"Shit." That's all Jasper whispered softly as I walked out the door to class.

--

**JPOV**

"Bella?" She was totally zoning out at that moment. She quickly looked at me, like my voice had taken her out of her trance.

"Oh, sorry, Jasper. Um, yeah, he spent the night. He insisted on being the one to wake her up every couple hours. He is so thoughtful that wa--"

I cut her off. "I'm sure he did insist. Where did he sleep?"

She looked at me innocently. "On the floor for most of the time."

"Most of the time?"

She looked out the window. "Well, I think most of the time. He might have gotten on the bed with her at some point-that floor is hard and Alice is such a petite little thing, he could have easily fit in her bed--"

"Uh.." I had to cut her off again. I didn't like that visual. " Why didn't you call me? Or Edward? We could have taken care of her last night. I would have been happy to."

She tilted her head to the side. "But Seamus wanted to do it. And since he was SO adamant about it, I thought it would do no good to bother you guys until the morning. It was so cute how he took care of her too, attending to her every need, he's so gentle with her--"

Didn't want to hear it-had to cut her off again. "But he shouldn't be spending the night in her room. She's been on what--two dates with him? It could give him the wrong impression..."

Bella cracked up. "I don't think you have to worry about him getting wrong impressions, Jasper. He's a complete gentleman. That is one man who got raised right by his Mama..." She let out a sigh while she slightly shook her head.

I was starting to get fustrated. "Bella, what's going on with Alice and Seamus? Honestly."

She gave me a curious glance. "I don't know what's going on with them really. All I can tell you is what I observe. And what I observe is Seamus making her laugh alot, attending to her like a complete gentleman, and Alice enjoying herself thoroughly while in his presence. And let's be honest, he's easy on the eyes, huh?" She laughed out out loud. "What more could a brother ask for?" She looked at me so proudly, like she thought we should high five eachother and celebrate.

"I'm not her brother."

"I'm sorry-Jasper, I didn't catch that-what did you say?"

"Nothing."

--

**EPOV **

When the door opened, Jasper walked through while Bella's arm grabbed mine and pulled me outside swiftly. She shut the door and out of nowhere, gave me a quick but enthusiastic hug.

"What was that for? Not that I'm complaining."

"For being an overprotective and stubborn person." She was beaming. "I just wanted to thank you properly for making sure I have a ride home. I really appreciate it."

"Any time." I smacked a kiss on her forehead as quickly as I could so she couldn't complain. We were in a weird Twilight zone phase, where we hadn't written the rules yet about how we could be physically together since our last date. I simply mirrored whatever she extended and hoped that would work for now. "Long day?"

She groaned. "Yes. I totally pissed off one of my friends at work unknowingly."

"Which one?"

"Rose, the blonde bartender who makes Giselle look like a dog."

I made a face. "You are friends with her? She's scary. I've seen her bring guys to tears. Her nickname is the Harpy." If I"m thinking of the right girl, she's extremely beautiful. But completely unpleasant and cold looking-always scowling and shooting daggers at everyone. I have no idea how she even keeps her job with her attitude.

Bella laughed. "Hahah, I love when she makes people cry. Like most of the guys don't deserve it, Edward. The things guys will say in a bar to a female-it's disgusting."

I scrunched my nose at her. "I probably don't want to know, but do they say alot of gross things to you?"

"Edward, if you have the right genitals and you have no extreme deformities, you will get alot of gross things said to you."

"Like what?" My eyes were narrowing and I noticed she would shut down soon if I came off too defensive. I tried to widen my eyes innocently. "I can take it. What was a typical gross thing you heard tonight."

"She looked at me supsiciously. "Don't make a big deal about it. But let's see, tonight, I did get the gem, "_Do you want to see something swell_?"

I just shook my head. "We need to get you a different job. Start working on those typing programs I gave you." All the jobs I had found for Bella had been clerical, and her typing skills sucked. So I had bought her some software to work on her typing-not that she had time to even use it.

"Oh, gawd, and get this. You know that really crappy Def Leppard Tribute band that plays on Wacked Out Wednesdays?"

I rolled my eyes. "Unfortunately. They are the reason I avoided Wednesdays at Casey's."

"They broke up and Casey is looking for a new band, and that jerk Nate from Suede is trying to get the gig now. Stupid moobs man..."

I looked at her for a moment, suprised she wasn't thinking what I was thinking. "Bella, how much money does a band get paid for working that Wednesday night?"

She thought for a second. "Better than a waitress, I know that much." She laughed, still completely oblivious to what I was implying.

"Bella, why don't you put together something and audition for the spot? How hard would it be for you to get something together that sounds better than the Def Leppard guys? Find out how much money Casey pays the house band per night, and then figure out how to get as few people as possible in a lineup. I'm sure it would be equivalent to working a whole week waitressing."

She looked at me like I was an alien. "Are you joking Edward? I wouldn't know where to even to begin putting together a group..." She stared down thoughtfully, as if she was asking herself internally if she could possibly do it.

I put her chin up with my finger. " I don't know where you would begin either, but I sure as hell will help you find out. This could be a perfect solution for you Bella. You were amazing onstage that one night. You could work less hours, and not have to be so close to idiots being gross to you. And...you will have more time to spend with me." I had to tack that on at the end with a smile. " I know you could do this Bella. I'll help you."

She gave me a sly smile, as if she may even consider the possbility, and I stole one more quick kiss to her forehead.

--


	21. Don't Put All Your Ovaries In 1 Basket

**Chapter 22: Don't Put All Your Ovaries In One Basket**

**note: This is part one of a two part chapter-I'll have the other part up tomorrow. This chapter sorta has to set up the situation for the next part.**

**note: re: the characters Emmett and Seamus. I'm actually am basing them off some nice, foreign, rugby playing Mormon returned missionaries I've known(and dated...), so there are really boys out there like them. lol The funniest thing about the returned missionary boys I knew was that they really were in "priest mode" after their missions for a good several months.**

**last chapter synopsis: Bella found out about Rose's sad past, Jasper showed his true colors to Bella in terms of his feelings for Alice, Bella finally appreciates Edward's insistence on picking her up at night from work, Edward prods Bella into considering forming a band to take over the Wednesday night gig at her sports bar job.**

**BPOV**

"Oh hell, Bella, look at this!" Edward and I walked back into the dorm room to find Alice and Jasper at a family photo album. "Look at Edward in this portrait-he couldn't have been more than 11. Doesn't he look like a ventriloquist's dummy with that bow tie?! You were such a dandy, even back then..." Edward shot her a death stare as I checked out the picture. He was sitting at a piano with a very serious look on his face, decked out in a suit. There was a candlebra on top of the piano that gave an air of Liberace-ness-- I couldn't stifle the giggle that came out reflexively. A little girl was sitting next to him, looking like an angel in a flowing white dress. She was holding a mini-sized cello.

"Aw, you two were so beautiful, even as children," I marveled as my finger brushed over their images.

"We look like dorks!" Alice barked back. I cocked my head to the side, my wheels working overtime.

"You play the cello, Alice?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Not anymore."

"She should, " Edward interrupted. "She has more natural talent than I do. I just practiced more and I didn't give up on it in high school like Alice did. Apparently cheerleading was of greater importance." He shot her a disapproving look.

"Hey-we went to Nationals, and who else could be on the top of a 4 person high pyramid but me and my fabulousness? Let me see some cello players pull THAT off." Edward shook his head in response.

I was so used to seeing Edward being chastised by Alice, it was almost unnatural to hear him use that authoritative tone with her.It as the first time I had ever seen him act like the elder brother he was."Why haven't you ever played for me, Edward?"

He chuckled. "You've never asked, Bella. Oh-and I"ve known you approximately one month--and for that month we weren't suppossed to see eachother."

I shot him a pointed glance. "Well, I'm asking now. I would like to hear you play sometime. Soon."

"You got it." He smiled crookedly in my direction.

--

Once Jasper and Edward finally left, I got straight to business.

"Two things Alice: Jasper's falling for you. And um, I want you to be in a band with me."

I explained to her what had happened in the car with Jasper. How he was trying to act simply like an overprotective brother. But when push came to shove, he wouldn't own the "brother" label in the end.

"He mumbled, "I'm not her brother," Alice, when I said what more could a brother hope for in a gentleman like Seamus for you."

Her eyes grew wide, but she quickly tried to dismiss it. "Oh, he probably didn't mean anything by it."

"Yes, he did, Alice. You weren't there. You didn't the look on his face when I said Seamus made you happy. You didn't see him walk in on you and Seamus asleep side by side, drop his jaw and utter, "shit." This morning."

She tried to deny it, but I could tell it was an act. She didn't want to get sucked back into hoping on what she concluded was a lost cause. I didn't push it though. I even gave her a way out.

"Well, maybe he's too late anyways, Seamus and you seem to be getting quite close..."

Alice looked at me seriously. "We are actually, cause we understand eachother very well. We both are in love."

I sat up quickly. "What?"

"Just not in love with eachother."

She elaborated on how they had bonded in the first place, before I even knew Seamus existed. Alice had told him about Jasper pretty much from the start of knowing eachother. I shouldn't have been surprised-Mike told me she had detailed the "Jasper Chronicles" the night they met at the club as well. Alice was very young that way. Whereas I kept almost everything to myself self protectively, Alice seemed to share herself freely with others emotionally. I couldn't help but notice Edward and her were similar in that way. I almost envied them for being that trusting of others. I certainly wasn't.

Alice explained why he understood where she was coming from: Seamus' Mormon girlfriend was on a mission herself and wouldn't be back for almost another year and a half. They were taking a break while she was gone, but he was still in love with her. I could tell she felt almost ashamed for pouring her heart to Seamus so unguardedly when they first met; but it only made me think of how I did the same thing with Emmett just the day before.

I shook my head and laughed. "You have no idea how prophetic your words were when you said Emmett and Seamus were only a step down from being priests. They are like takeout priests-they deliver blessings to your door and don't even expect a tip!"

She cracked up while she sat up slightly to meet my eye. "But Seamus is a priest with benefits." Her eyes were twinkling. "I can schedule in confession time and makeout time for the same hour..." She let her sentence drift off lazily as she twirled a piece of hair.

"You kissed him yesterday, Alice?"

She nodded while giggling.

"And?"

She shot me an overly mischievous smirk. "You know...my heart may belong to Jasper; but I have to say, after the way he kissed me? My libido defected to the land of Seamus..."

"Hey, sister, nothing's wrong with that. My mom always told me, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." Alice looked at me with an arched eyebrow. "Or in your case, ovaries..."

--

**APOV**

Bella had been sleeping for several minutes now, snuggled up in my bed with me. We had spent the last three hours talking about two things: boys and bands.

The band part was easy enough to deal with. She blurted out to me quickly about Edward's idea. I didn't get how I worked into the equation initially.

"Alice, you play cello. You are more musically inclined than Edward. Bass, Alice-you could play the bass! Same principles, just some tinkering here and there..."

What sounded like a desperate, insane plea in the beginning started sounding like a real possibility after consuming a box of Red Vines and more flattery from Bella.

"The songs will be no brainer covers--musical comfort food for drunken college students. But think of it Alice-you and me onstage together, bringing Jem and Holograms to life...you could even coordinate our clothes and hair! Do you know how freaking fantabulous we are going to be up there together on stage?" She knew she had me at "coordinate our clothes and hair."

"I'll give it a shot and see if it's possible. But I'm not giving you any promises, Bella."

"That's all I'm asking for." She quickly started on how she was going to contact Laurent and figure something out, when I cut her off.

"And one condition-I don't want Edward or Jasper to know about this. That way if it doesn't work out, they'll be none the wiser for it."

Bella's face was beaming. "Deal. And how much hotter will it be if this all works out and Jasper first learns about it while you are working it onstage?"

Which leads me to the "boy" part of our conversation. We both decided we were at an "impasse" with Edward and Jasper. Time would only tell if anything would come of it. And yet, time was all I ever had with Jasper.

"Bella...Bella...sorry to wake you up..." Obviously not too sorry since I was still pushing her shoulder somewhat enthusiastically.

Her eyes opened. "Oh, sorry Alice, I didn't mean to crash on your bed--" she was jumping up as I stopped her in midmotion.

"That's not why I woke you. I think I need to renegotiate the terms of me becoming a part of the Holograms."

"Wuh?"

"Negotiations. Don't think you are going to make me learn a new instrument and become the band stylist for nothing!"

She eyed me suspiciously. "Go on."

"Here are my terms. You will go with me to Jasper's and Edward's frat house party this weekend."

"I work. And Edward isn't going either-he said he was going to come to my work and have a three hour dinner there while studying while he waited for me to get off." Edward was becoming whipped to the point of nauseousness.

"Get the shift covered. AND...you will wear boots and a dress. Of my choosing."

"That's it?"

I nodded.

"Those are lame terms honestly Alice. I have bunches of boots."

"No they aren't. You'll see what I mean. We are going to open the floodgates on the "impasse" to see what happens."

"And these boots-- are the floodgate raisers?" She looked at me in complete confusion.

I shook my head sympathetically in her direction. "Honey, you would have to see the boots to understand."

--


	22. These Boots Are Made 4 Gawking

**Chapter 22: These Boots Are Made For Gawking**

**note: Okay, so I have the Alice/Bella boots and dress shot up in my profile if you wanna see them.**

**note: Tony the Tiger is a Cereal Brand Mascot for "Frosted Flakes" here in the states. His tagline is: "They're GRRRRREEEATTT!" I don't know what my fetish with morning **

**note: One of you sweet readers actually nominated this cereal brands is with this fanfiction-it's bordering on obsessive!Yes, I watched too much television as a child.**

**note: This is a long chapter, so it's not going to cover the whole party. I"ll have to try to write up another chapter quickly to finish the whole night off. Thanks for all the reviews!**

**BPOV**

"For the last time, Edward-I can't take a portfolio in. This meeting is totally casual with Casey." Edward sighed in fustration.

"Well, at least take the summary sheet to remember all the keypoints to make."

"Spoken like a true business minor." I raised up my hand, which had scribbling all over it from a ballpoint pen. "Already done."

Edward crinkled his eyebrows my way. "You look like a fourth grader trying to cheat for her spelling test." Ah--having Edward make fun of me was sweet music to my ears. He had been so careful with me since we started hanging out again, I thought we were permanently stuck in civility purgatory. But in the last couple of days, his snark had been coming back gradually.

He had been a lifesaver trying to help me put something together to offer Casey. Yes, Casey was a real person, and she was all about the bottom line. The lineups that had auditioned so far hadn't impressed her, so I knew I had to strike fast before she gave up on having a live band at all on Wednesday nights. Edward had inquired around his fraternity and sister sorority houses to find out what sort of music people would be drawn to. He did some research about competing establishments in the area and what they offered on Wednesdays. And then he helped me figure out a way to sell my idea for a lineup to Casey. Since I didn't exactly have experience on my side, I had to sell myself on other grounds. Namely, that an attractive, mixed gendered lineup that played popular, guilty pleasure cover songs would be a bigger draw than the previous band that only played Def Leppard songs and looked old enough to be your uncle.

The only time Edward annoyed me this week was when it came to trying to put together a lineup. He was less than thrilled that Laurent was the first person I contacted and drafted for the gig, but he was a no brainer choice. He knew what he was doing and more importantly owned alot of equipment. After getting a look at Alice, he was also more than happy to work with her on the bass. Edward was slightly less annoyed with me drafting Mike Newton on drums. His actually drum set playing had never seen the light of day outside of Tyler Crowley's garage in high school, but all his years as a marching band geek cymbal player were finally going to pay off. And the fact I wouldn't tell Edward who I was hoping to get for a bass player bothered him too, but he wouldn't admit it. "As long as he doesn't have an certain type of accent, then I'll survive," was his response, as I teased him he was a xenophobe.

"Now don't forget--remind her that you guys have ties with the bigger fraternities and sororities on campus in terms of drawing people, and that you don't want a flat sum, but a sum with a percentage if you guys bring in so many extra patrons." For some reason, Edward seemed to be enjoying putting this all together. I had teased him several times now that he should become a concert promoter when he grows up, not a doctor. I took a big breath before he grabbed my shoulders and rubbed them vigorously before I could open the car door. "You are going to do grreat."

"Thanks Tony the Tiger," I retorted as he gave me a kiss on the forehead." I feel like your daughter when you kiss me on the forehead like that," I teased.

He raised his eyebrow. "Hey, if I"m allowed to kiss you on the lips, I'd be more than happy to change locations." I rolled my eyes and stuck out my tongue. I wasn't quite ready for that quite yet. "Wow, are you offering me an open mouth policy with tongue benefits even," he inquired flirtatiously. I jumped out of the car, closed the door, and leaned into the window as a I gave him wink.

"Thanks, Edward. You don't know how much this meant to me."

--

**EPOV**

She walked out with a huge smile on her face. I knew she must have worked her magic. I leaned over and opened the door. "So?"

"Well, she won't commit to anything, but she wants us to give it a try in two weeks. We are totally screwed, cause we aren't ready at all." Bella said this with the biggest grin her face as she got in, so I knew she thought it was possible.

I grabbed her hand-she had brushed off such an attempt two days ago. This time I wasn't rejected. She held my hand tightly while she did a semi-victory dance in her seat. "I mentioned all your points too and her ears perked right up, Edward. She loved the fact I done so much research...well, you did so much research..." She trailed off as we just smiled at eachother.

"I'm going to be so busy the next couple weeks." She sighed in my direction.

"Then blow off Alice and let's go out and celebrate tonight. Just us. "

She shook her head. "Can't. I promised her. She won't bow down on this. Even though I would love nothing more than to just put on some pjs and eat take out while watching a movie in my room."

I stopped at a red light and turned towards her. "Can't we do that, Bella? Alice would understand. I don't want to go the party tonight, and I don't want you to go either to be honest." I felt like it was deja vu all over again. The day we had gotten our tattoos, I wanted to take steal Bella away from everything and everyone that night too.I was having the same sinking feeling that tonight could have it's share of bumps as well. We were making such progress, I didn't want to anything(or anyone) to get in the way of that.

"Someday we are going to have to see how we function outside our two person bubble world, Edward. I guess tonight is as good a night as any."

--

**APOV**

"Where have you been? It's late!" I pulled her arm and ordered her into a shower, pronto. She had already called me earlier to tell me she...well, we...got the gig conditionally. But that was an hour ago, and now we were behind schedule for preparations of this evening's "festivities."

"Edward wanted to go celebrate so we went and got a malt at Cold Stone Creamery." I tried not to laugh out loud. Ever since I told Edward that Emmett had taken Bella to get a milkshake and she loved it, he had been practically shoving malts down Bella's throat for the last week, trying to out-Emmett Emmett. I put a finger to her mouth before she continued.

"Silencia! We have work to do, woman."

--

**BPOV**

We had showered, we had blown dried, we had make-up'ed, we had spritzed and powdered. Alice had done her hair extra spikey while she did my hair extra straight, with long fringes falling into my face that was left to check off were clothes...and boots.

"Okay, Alice, show me the floodgates. The almighty boots that will open the floodgates on the Impasse." She giggled.

"Wait, you have to see the dresses first to appreciate the floodgates."

She laid out two identical sweaters on the bed--one black, one grey.

"Those are cute sweaters. Are we wearing them with jeans or skirts?" She gave me an incredulous look.

"These are our dresses, silly Bella!" She looked at me indignantly.

I stared at her, jaw wide open."THAT is NOT a dress! That is a half shirt sweater top for crying out loud! That won't even cover my belly button." She ignored me as she scurried to her closet and brought out two big boxes.

"It's a dress! It's probably the only dress that you can wear too...with these..." She threw the box on my lap and pulled off the lid.

I gasped. "Oh, sweet Jebus, Alice! These are Christian LouBoutin boots!" I looked up at her in shock and horror. These boots were easily a couple thousand dollars, if not several. I would have to work two jobs for a year just to afford them.

"Wait, wait...don't jump to any conclusions. We have to return these--I called in a favor and someone, somewhere is playing Fairy God Mother to us tonight. But these suckers turn in to pumpkins by tomorrow morning, so enjoy them while you can."

I sighed in relief.

"It's just that tonight Bella? We are rewriting our own Cinder-effing-rella story. You don't know how much I've thought about this since you mentioned how that one night was like a Cinderella story gone wrong. Edward and Jasper showing up at "our" ball that night at Suede with their dates. Ruining a night that should have been perfect for you. Ruining my first night of clubbing and feeling like an adult for a trail of chaos in their wake. I feel like we need some "closure" and the only way to get that is giving them tonight as good as we got. " She smiled at me wickedly as she took out another bag and flung a beautiful black lace bra and panty set in my direction and motioned me to put them on.

"Tonight Bella, we are crashing Prince Charming's frat house party, and trading in glass slippers for thigh high leather designer black boots. Prince Twiddle Dee and Prince Twiddle Dum won't know what hit them."

I cocked back my head. "Is this an act of revenge then, Alice?"

She slid on her "dress" that fit like a glove on her petite frame and then flashed me a knowing smile. "Not revenge-Justice, Bella. I'm simply demanding justice tonight."

(picture of dress/boot set in my profile under chapter 22)

--

**APOV**

When Bella both slinked into her dress and boots, she literally yelped with glee. As much as Bella loves to downgrade her looks, this was one moment she couldn't deny it. She looked hot.

It took her a couple minutes to get used to wearing the heeled boots; but before long, we were both striding down the dorm lobby making a scene. I thought it was funny watching the male responses to our thigh high boots and clingy cashmere dresses. Heads were craning, lips were whistling. But Bella was mortified.

"This is almost embarrassing Alice, I can't walk into a party like this..."

I looked at her assuredly. "You can. And you will. And you'll remember this night fondly with me forty years from now when we are all old and saggy. You think Cinderella would have backed out now, once you just been announced?"

"And don't forget- we have a mission to find "closure" tonight, and we will achieve it by ANY means necessary. You and I are going to make those jaded boys either blush or leave them speechless. Don't let these boots go to waste Bella...Justice will not be denied in those boots..."

As we finally walked up the front steps to the party, Bella was in full panic mode.

"Oh, crap, Alice. Crap-we are making such a spectacle of ourselves..."

"Bella, this is a frat party. That's the point. And besides, I bet we will be more covered up than the majority of the girls in here anyways." My phone rang at that moment-it was Edward. I ignored it. He probably wanted to escort Bella in like a caveman marking his territory. But this wasn't his night to direct things.

We glided in through the front door. And as I predicted, there were alot of girls dressed more scantily than we were. But in a very mall-ish, Bubblicious gum smacking sort of way, complete with platformed foamed flip flops. We, on the other hand, were standing out-to the point that Bella whispered as we made our way through the room...

"Wow, Alice, you are a regular fashion Moses-it's like the parting of the Red Sea in here..."

I looked at her in fake indignation. "Would you expect anything less from me?"

"Alice!"

I looked to my left. And there was Jasper, with his mouth wide open. Not looking at my eyes, but gawking straight at my exposed thighs.

"Well, there you are brother dear," I purred as Bella tried to stifle a snort.

--

**JPOV**

Edward had been right. I could have kicked myself right now. He told me it was the dumbest idea to invite Alice to the party. Of course he was worrying more about Bella showing up with her. He hated Bella to be around anything that might remind her of that night a month back when everything went to hell for them.

I hadn't planned on inviting Alice. It just slipped out. She mentioned that Seamus had asked her out for the weekend; and before I knew it, I was telling her to hang with me here instead. I hadn't thought it out much past getting her away from him. He gave her a concussion last time, what was in store for this weekend--a broken leg?

But here she was now, waltzing into the party like she owned the place. Which she did-every guy's head snapped in her direction as she and Bella sashayed their way across the room. The sashay was attention getting enough on it's own, but it was more what accompanied it that was getting attention. She had a body clinging dress on that barely covered her backside, paired with thigh high leather boots. The combination inspired too many thoughts to race through my mind-thoughts I'd never want her to hear. And I was like family to her-what were perfect strangers thinking at that moment?

"Well, there you are brother dear," She said sarcastically as I tried to shift my gaze from her bare thighs to her face.

"What are you doing," I asked as I took her hand and tried to sandwich her between myself and a wall. Any wall would do-as long I was contributing to her getting some much needed coverage from the prying eyes around us.

"Uh, you invited me to this little shendig, and I came," she looked at me casually.

"I mean what are you doing in THAT, Alice? Are you trying to start a riot?" I couldn't help but give her another quick lookover. "It's ridiculous."

"What, Jas--you mean this little ol' thing? She brushed her hand down the side of her body, and I couldn't help but watch as it trailed down slowly. "I only put this is on when I don't care how I look." She gave Bella a wink. "I'll meet up with you later. Bella and I have some boots to break in with some dancing."

She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, and I involuntarily shuddered. She stopped right where she was and stared at me for a moment in response.

"Alice, why don't I help you break those boots in?"

--

**BPOV**

Wow. Seamus apparently isn't simply a good kisser--he seemed to bring out a whole side of Alice I had never seen before. She was ruthlessly pushing every single button of Jasper's simultaneously, making him collapse into a shuddering mess. Maybe it was a combination of Seamus and Christian LouBoutin, because I had to admit these boots were making me feel bit smug myself...

Two hands suddenly clasped onto my waist and I turned around. "Hey, gorgeous! You sure now how to make an entrance."

James was looking me over a little too slowly. He grabbed my hand, raised it, and attempted to make me twirl around. "I need to get a 360 perspective on this dress..."

"Woah, Nelly! I'm not twirling in this dress, that sounds too hazardous honestly." I tried to redirect the conversation. "So, how was your birthday, James?"

He pouted. "Not as good as I hoped. You owe me a birthday kiss still. That's the least you could do after running after Edward and leaving me alone with my birthday cake. I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book. I thought you were too smart for that." He shook his head while absentmindedly rubbing my arm up and down with his hand. I shrugged it away slightly as I looked at him questioningly. Oldest trick in the book?

"Oh, please, Bella-you must have known Edward running out like that was just a ploy to get you away from me." James leaned in closer with a knowing smile. "He totally loses it when I get within 10 feet of you. Doesn't he know you can take care of yourself just fine? I figured that out within the first 10 minutes I met you."

Like clockwork, a tuft of bronze hair was making it's way through the room. I could see it over James' shoulder as he leaned over. It bobbed left and right, navigating through the crowded room as it made a beeline for James. Soon our eyes locked and I gave him a wink while James droned on. Edward smiled back brilliantly, but then focused on James as he approached us.

"Bella, there you are," he said a little too loudly for James ears. As he walked up next to James and slightly wedged his shoulder in front of him, Edward finally got a view of me-entirely. I bit my lip as I watched the range of emotions flow over his looked me up and down even more slowly than James did. His hand brushed his hair back swiftly while he was chewing the inside of his cheek. I couldn't make out if he was just surprised, or angry, or confused. Maybe a combination of all three?

"Stop undressing my wifey with your eyes, Cullen. You are such a damn pervert!" James pointed at him and then shot me a look that read "Can you believe this guy?"

Before I could even laugh, Edward muttered, "Shut up James." He took me by the hand and started leading me quickly through the crowd without a word. I turned around and waved at James as he shook his head and yelled out, "Do you see a pattern here, Wifey?"

--

**EPOV**

I was leading her through the crowd when I noticed how people were looking at her. The guys specifically. I turned around abruptly, pushed her in front of me, grabbed onto her hips, and directed her from behind.

"Go to the right," I whispered in her ear, as we made it out of the room. She complied.

We walked out into the hall a little ways unitl I opened up a door and pushed her gently inside. I turned on the light to the pantry, and closed the door.

--

**BPOV**

I turned around to face in him in the cramped space, even though it was hard to move with his hands still planted firmly on my hips. "Edward I"m not in the mood to be babysat tonig-"

Before I could finish, his parted lips crashed into my neck while he pulled me in closer.

--


	23. Throwing Down the Gauntlet

**Chapter 23: Throwing Down the Gauntlet**

**note: Okay, I got enough reviews letting me know that was not a nice part to leave off, so here's a little quick chapter to finish what happened in the pantry-the next chapter will deal with the rest of the night...**

**note: Last time we saw our heroine, she was stuck in a small pantry with a very silent Edward Cullen...hmmmm...**

**BPOV**

I turned around to face in him in the cramped space, even though it was hard to move with his hands still planted firmly on my hips. "Edward I"m not in the mood to be babysat tonig-"

Before I could finish, his parted lips crashed into my neck while he pulled me in closer. My head tilted back slightly when he made contact, as his grasp on my hips got tighter.

"Edward..." I wanted to tell him to stop. I was staring at a box of Bisquick Pancake mix and I heard people talking loudly outside the door. This wasn't how I pictured our first kiss honestly. But those full lips of his on my neck-they felt so good, the words refused to come out. My jaw tensed at the sensation.

"Yes, Bella...?" the material covering my neck was being pushed down by his jutted out chin while his bottom lip dragged along my skin in pursuit.

"Edward Anthony...you need to stahhh..." My voice trailed as I felt his tongue flick out slightly from his lips against the bottom of my neck..."p! staaahhhhhp..."

He chuckled softly as he whispered in my ear, "Isabella Marie, what does staaaaahhhhhhhhp mean..."

"Edward Anthony Cullen," my voice dropped off yet again as he nibbled on my ear. It tickled and I quivered slightly before continuing: "don't mock me."

He stepped back slightly, and gave me a slow-once over with heavily lidded eyes: "Oh, believe me, Isabella Marie Swan, there's nothing mocking about you tonight." He paused. "Well, with the exception of you saying "stop" like a goat..."He tried to stifle the laugh, but it was too late.

The gauntlet had been thrown down. And the boots were demanding justice at that moment. This was not the night for Edward to have the upper hand. Not if Christian Louboutin had anything to say about it. "I bet I could make you _bahhh_ like goat without even laying my lips on you."

He raised his eyebrow. "Is that a promise?"

"It's a promise to wipe that smug smirk off your face."I looked around quickly and saw a huge 100 lb rice bag sitting in the corner. I grabbed one of the belt loops on his pants and scooted backwards until I felt the bag behind me, never losing eye contact with him.

"Sit, Cullen. Come on, Criss Cross Apple Sauce**."(a/n: I don't know about ya'll, but when I was a little kid, teachers always told us to sit down "criss cross apple sauce" to mean cross your legs and fold your arms in your lap so you can be quiet for story time). **I pushed his head roughly downward to speed up his descent, and he looked up at me in suprise. "Criss Cross!" He quickly sat Indian style. All traces of humor were now gone-he looked at me intently, trying to figure out what I was up to.

I stared down at him casually while I plopped myself down on the 100 lb. rice bag behind me. My legs spread open as I sat, with both of my bent knees now on the outside of Edward's shoulders. I pulled my dress down in front with my hands and let them rest on the bag when his eyes began to wander**.(this is a photo of the position Bella is in essentially, just to make sure I described this correctly--think of poor Edward smack dab in the middle...lol)**

"Uh uh, Edward, keep your eyes on mine. Let me tell you a little story. You know how I had...coordination challenges as a child, Edward?" He had witnessed first hand my general clumsiness; but, I had told him more than a few stories that explained just how danger prone I was as a child.

He nodded slowly without a sound.

"Well, my mother tried to help me out with those challenges by signing me up for gymnastics and ballet. I was horrible at both. But those classes did help me realize early on that I was quite flexible." Edward's lids grew heavier looking with the mention of flexibility.

I quickly turned and faced my whole body to one side; Edward's left side to be exact, still keeping my dress clutched in my hands in front of me to maintain coverage where it mattered most. "And that flexibility comes in quite handy most of the time, as you can imagine. Take for instance, right now, I have an itch on my ankle that needs to be scratched." I raised my bent right leg to just below the height of my shoulder--and from there I slowly extended my entire leg upward. Edward's mouth opened widely enough that I had to take a peek for myself-and I have to say, those Louboutin boots were making my leg look about 10 feet taller than usual. I kept my leg extended outward while lowering it until it touched the adjoining wall.

"Now, normally, Edward, I'm flexible enough to extend my leg, just like this--and then take care of that little scratch myself. But see, I'm sort of in a bind right now." I motioned down to my occupied hands that were keeping my dress in place in front. Edward waited for me to continue. I didn't--I just raised my eyebrow suggestively. Slowly, he got up on his knees and approached me. My bent leg that was still on the floor granted him access to get to the other leg, and he soon found his waist surrounded by both my thighs.

"Go ahead, scratch that itch, Edward." I wiggled my extended leg that was resting on the wall. He took it and rested it on his shoulder. While wrapping his left arm around my foot, his right hand unzipped the boot. His eyes followed the unzipping without blinking.

"Where's that "itch," Bella?" His voice was huskier than usual.

"Well, I can't point out where it is, now can I?" I said in my most smart ass voice possible as he glanced back, a little too long I might add, at what task kept my hands busy.

"Is it right here, Bella?" He kissed the top of my ankle while looking at me. He was trying so hard to be sexy at that moment, I almost broke out in laughter-but I kept my composure. I wiggled my leg in response.

"I said I had an itch, Cullen, not a boo boo that needs to be kissed and made all better." He gave me a dopey grin but then focused on my leg once again as he began to rub my ankle.

"Higher." He complied as he began rubbing my lower calf.

"Higher." He went farther still.

"Wow, Bella, I didn't realize how long your ankle was." He tried to match my smart ass attitude, but his voice was too low and breathy as he leaned in closer to rub just past the knee. It was time for me to go in for the kill.

I quickly wrapped my extended leg around his waist and tightened my grip. He lost his balance and fell forward towards me, his hands slamming onto the bag for support, right next to my hips. Our faces were now inches apart, and he was honing in for my lips slowly.

"Say it, Edward, " I whispered. My breath in his face seemed to affect him, in a good way--he blinked and inhaled through his nostrils swiftly. He twitched slightly and I let out a grin as I moved my lips to his ears.

"Say it."

He paused for a second before lamely saying, "What?"

"Say, "stop."" I emphasized the "s" in "stop" so that my hissing would vibrate into his ear. He twitched again.

I could feel him let out a slight chuckle. "Fine. st--"

Just then, I slowly licked the inside of his ear while I gripped him even tighter with my leg.

"-aahhhhhh..."

I burst out in laughter, my leg falling to the ground as I clapped with glee. "Not only did you say "stop" like a goat, you sounded like a breathless goat with a speech impediment!"

The trance was broken, and Edward looked at me incredulously. "Damnit, Bella, that was all to get me to sound like a goat? You are going to be the death of me..."His voiced trailed off for some reason.

"What? You think I"m going to let you steal some bases in a pantry closet at a frat party? Bitch, please..."I looked up smugly, expecting to see a humbled Edward. Instead, I saw a wicked smile plastered on his face with two raised eyebrows.

"Hey, Bella, you're so busy gloating, your hands seemed to have forgotten about the bind they were in..."

I looked down in horror-my dress was hiked up-not completely but enough to be giving a peep show. My hands reached down for the material as I muttered, "Damn Alice and her miniscule dresses..."

He leaned against me while he steadied his hands on my hips. "God bless Alice an her miniscule dresses. And for little lacey panties with ribbon bows front and center." Oh, Gawd, he had seen more than I even realized. I groaned as I buried my head into his shoulder.(**I put a picture up of Bella's panty/bra set in my profile for chapter 22).**

He kissed my head reassuringly as he tried to repress further chuckling. "Now, let's see if I can you make you sound like a breathless, speech impedimented goat with Tourette's Syndrome(**a/n: a condition that's characterized by the person making random verbal outbursts, usually laced with inappropriate words or cussing-at least that's how Edward is implying it to mean...)**. I bet I can make that happen in less than three minutes, and I'll do it without lips OR tongue..."

He leaned down and was zipping my boot back up when the door flew open. I turned to see about 4 guys staring eagerly in our direction. It did look compromising--Edward was in between my knees kneeling while he was messing with my boot. Edward glanced back and was gripping onto the bottom of my dress with me now to make sure everything was covered. "Shut the door, Brendan." His voice was menacing as he angled himself between me and our onlookers.

They all burst out in laughter while Brendan(I presume) yelled out as he closed it, "P. Diddy rides again!" The others were trying to shut him up while he continued: "What? Get it-rides again? Hell, it's not even 9:30 yet..." A smack was heard next, followed by a "shhhh." It was quiet now, but they were obviously still at the door pressing against it.

I looked at Edward in horror. "Oh, hell, Edward, please don't tell me this is your designated frat houseparty screwing cubby hole..." I started looking around in panic.

His eyes got wide. "NO! I swear it's not, I've never..."

Before he could finish I leapt up off the rice bag looking down on the bag in disgust. "Oh, gawd, where's my antibacterial gel...that bag of rice has probably seen more ass than a rental car..."

Muffled laughs were heard outside the door and I shook my head at Edward. His eyes were pleading. "Bella, please, don't jump to conclusions. I just didn't like how James was all over you and wanted to get you out of that room. All the neck stuff came afterward when I realized I had you alone...in those boots...and dress..."

Outside the door you could hear the faint whisper..." Dude, he's such a liar. I'm a total gentleman with her the whole time. She'd kick my ass if I wasn't."

It was James-I let out short laugh at what he said. "Why do you always laugh at his stupid remarks," Edward asked me pointedly.

"What? You know that was kinda funny..." I retorted.

"You tell him, wifey!" shot out from behind the door.

Edward was about to respond when another realization just came to me. "Did they just call you P. Diddy? That's your nickname?"

Edward's lips pursed defensively.

"Of all the goofy white boy frat nicknames to have..." I just stared at him in amazement.

"Wifey, you don't even want to know what it stands for either!" James yelled out yet again from behind the door.

Edward had had enough. He started banging on the door explosively. "Get the hell away from the door right now!" When he heard more muffled laughs--and James' cackle above them all--he opened the door swiftly. "Gawddamnit, James..." His voice was low and dangerous.

James was backing away, keeping his eyes on Edward the whole time. But as he backed up, his gleeful smirk directed straight at Edward, he called out to me. "Bella, P. Diddy stands for..." He paused and Edward took off like a track star after him. James quickly hiked up the staircase, taking two steps at a time while howling with laughter.

I stepped out into the hall, ready to take the Pantry Walk of Shame while trying to see where the two boys(emphasis on "boys") were heading. I waved a beauty queen hand greeting to the guys who had huddled by the door while Alice was by my side in a nanosecond.

"What have YOU been up to?" Her raised eyebrow was ripe with innuendo.

"Nothing, just feeling trapped in a really low budget, b-movie about meatheaded frat boys."

--

**a/n: So, yeah, I happened to have caught both "Flashdance" and "Basic Instinct" this weekend on cable, so they sorta guided how the pantry thing worked out...lol**


	24. What's In a Name

**Chapter 24: What's In A Name?**

**note: I just wanted to warn some of you that there's some crude language in this chapter. The crude language is just bella and alice teaching the boys a little lesson. But it's still present and just wanted to give a heads up.**

**note: Thanks for the reviews! I know Bella and Edward seem to go backwards just when they make progress, but I think that's sorta how relationships works. Or maybe I always just had really dysfunctional ones...lol**

**BPOV**

I waved a beauty queen hand greeting to the guys who had huddled by the door while Alice was by my side in a nanosecond.

"What have YOU been up to?" Her raised eyebrow was ripe with innuendo.

"Nothing, just feeling trapped in a really low budget, b-movie about meatheaded frat boys." I turned her way, ready to take the spotlight off myself.

"So, is Jasper a shuddering hot mess still? Is he like, reduced to a puddle of goo on the dance floor as we speak?"

She snorted. "I wish. We danced all of a half a song together before he dragged me off to get something to drink. He said I looked too flushed and thought it was bad for my now nonexistent concussion. He just keeps hovering over me, asking if I feel faint or dizzy and feeling my forehead. He's totally getting on my nerves."

I thought for a second. "Wow, this is not quite going as planned. Edward is spending his time with James upstairs probably giving eachother titty twisters, while Jasper is trying to do his best impression of your dad. This is so not up to Louboutin Boot Standards..."

"The night's still young Bella, and if our princes don't get their shit together, we may have to settle for someone else from the royal court." She looked around hopefully-there were alot of cute guys in the house tonight. And the twin outfits and boots were giving us alot of attention. "Okay, Bella, before we pick out our spare tires for the evening, spill on what happened in that closet right now."

I explained the pantry shennanigans as we walked back to the main room. I rushed past the goat bets quickly-Alice wouldn't want to hear the gory details since it's her brother. But when she found out Edward's nickname, she grimaced.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, you know it's got to be something really bad if Edward won't tell you and he chased James upstairs and they still haven't come down yet."

I winced. "I know. The very thought of finding out makes me want to pull on some elastic waist flannel pjs and sit in front of the TV with a bucket of ice cream."

Alice thought for a moment. "Okay, Bella, you are going to find out, and looking vulnerable is not an option. Here's how you need to play it off. Edward and Jasper seem to think because we are virgins we can't handle the slightest bit of carnal knowledge. They are completely patronizing that way. So, however horrible the meaning behind P. Diddy is tonight? You need to laugh it off and then suggest even more dirty meanings for good measure. Do you know how much that will throw Edward for a loop? "

My eyes widened. "You are a genius!" We frantically began to think up names that would stand for P and D--within a couple of minutes we had a host of possibilities that were sickeningly crude.

"Okay, you helped me with my problem. I'm going to help you with yours. Stay right here."

I ventured into the rest of the house, on the lookout for Jasper. I found him searching around as well-most likely for Alice. "Bella! Where's Alice? I can't find her anywhere."

"Jasper. Here's the deal. Alice is getting hit on left and right. Alice also wants to dance. If you don't want someone getting better acquainted with her bare thighs, you may want to be a sport and dance with her. Her concussion is not bothering her at all." I didn't really care if I wasn't being subtle-at this point I wanted him to know I wasn't completely blind. He furrowed his eyebrows."Or if it's too much of a hassle to dance with her, then pick out which suitor is the least pervy for her." Jasper looked over my shoulder; and not suprisingly, Alice actually did have several guys beginning to circle her as she stood alone.

"I'll dance with her. Come on."He looked less than enthused though-I didn't get it.

Jasper scooped up Alice from her admirers without a word and was guiding her to the dancing area with his arm around her waist. He simultaneously held my hand. As if he was reading my mind, he mentioned, "Edward would kill me if I had left you alone right now too. Just dance with us." Great, a third wheel-just what Alice wanted. I had to find a dance partner quickly. Luckily, a boy was giving me the eye at that moment. He looked like a surfer type, with his sun bleached hair falling aimlessly into his face. I flashed him an encouraging smile, and he was by my side in a second.

"Hey, I've been watching you all night." He grinned eagerly.

"Wanna dance?" I cut straight to the chase. Jasper threw me a questioning look, but soon his attention was elsewhere. Alice backed right into him as she heard a new song begin. "Bella, it's our song!" Alice and I had the late night guilty pleasure of learning all the inappropriate lyrics to various rap songs as of late. And one of Alice's favorite dirty ditties was now blaring over the speakers. She moved back deeper into Jasper's space as she began to grind slowly. He looked at her disapprovingly. Alice threw her hand up and yelled:

_"Love the way you activate your hips and push your ass out, Got a honey wantin it so bad I'm bout to pass out--"_

Jasper's jaw dropped, and I let out a huge laugh. She turned around, rolled her eyes, and muttered, "Stop acting like my father for one minute and just dance." She grabbed his hands that were hanging lamely at his side, plopped them on her hips, and got back to dancing. Jasper's head dropped down to where his hands were, and he slowly began to move with Alice.

"So, uh..." The boy I was dancing with kept trying to interrupt my spying, but I would just smile at him without a word and then get back to watching the show before me. Alice began to do a sort of swivel along with her grinding; and before too long, Jasper looked thoroughly wound up. His head was snapped down watching Alice move now, his hands were gripping her firmly, and he was moving along in time with her as well. He was a good dancer-his initial resistance couldn't have been because he couldn't move adequately. Maybe it was just too awkward? Maybe Edward didn't like him dancing with his sister like this?

And then a third option came to me--all too clearly. Alice dipped down low-and then slowly moved back up to upright position, with her backside pertly sticking out as she did. Jasper showed a real struggle on his face, and he quickly pushed her forward slightly to stop body-on-body contact with her. His face looked so fustrated in that moment, that it all made sense. Alice was simply working him over too hard on the dance floor and he was having trouble maintaining his composure. The best part was Alice was completely oblivious to it--she was just chirping away at the dirty lyrics while dancing carefree.

I was about to let Alice know she may want to give Jasper a little bit of a grinding break so he didn't combust right then and there, when Edward and James suddenly appeared in front of me. The song was ending and he quickly took his place by my side. I thanked the boy for the dance,and he walked off awkwardly as both Edward and James gave him a once over. James cleared his throat.

"So boys, did you finally get tired of giving eachother tittie twisters and Indian burns? I swear, you two have more sexual tension between eachother than you do with me..." Alice laughed out loud and came to my side, sensing something was going down. Neither James nor Edward were amused however. We had to yell over the blaring music now to hear eachother as the next song came on.

They were both about to respond when I put my hand up and yelled, "Just spit it out already. Let's hear this blessed nickname's meaning." Alice inconspiciously grabbed onto my hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

James put his hands up as if to say he wasn't touching the subject. And Edward just stood there frozen. Jasper finally spoke up. "P. Diddy stands for Panty Dropper Edward."

Alice and I looked at eachother for a long moment, and then we threw our heads back laughing. Edward and James in particular looked suprised at our reactions.

"Edward, that's the lamest nickname in history. That doesn't even align correctly. You would need to be P.D.E., not P. Didd.E. Although that makes me think "Pennsylvania Department of Education" more than Panty Dropper Edward." Alice hadn't stopped laughing yet.

Edward just shrugged. "I told you it's stupid, I hate it."

"I'd hate it too. James gets a big, butch name like "Tracker" that sounds all American Gladiators like. And you get Panty Droppers Edward?" James stood a little taller with that backhanded compliment.

Alice chimed in with a straight face. "Actually Panty Droppers Edward would be a totally hot and dangerous name actually...if it was 1917 and Edward was nicknamed that for doing the Charleston too close to a flapper." I high fived her while we started cracking up again. Edward looked mortified.

"James, you coined that lame name for poor Edward, didn't you?"

James smiled smugly. "I may have had a hand in letting it find some momentum."

Alice just shook her head. "And here Bella and I thought you frat boys would come up with something better. Like...Pork Diddy Diggler..."

I looked at her casually. "Or JP-short for Jurassic Pork..."

Alice put up an index finger! "Ew, I got a good one. Puxxy Daddy!"

"You know, Alice, they should go with a more relevant rapper. Like T.I. Short for Titty Investigator of course..."

Alice and I slowly turned to our quiet audience at that point-all three boys were looking at us with shocked faces. Well, make that Jasper and Edward had shocked faces. James simply mouthed "I love you" earnestly.

Alice rolled her eyes and began to yell:"Oh, please, just because Bella and I are virgins, doesn't mean we are innocent embryos. Virgins can have potty mouths too."

After she was done yelling, she soon realized however that the song had ended and everyone was currently looking at us. She had just announced to the room that we were potty mouthed virgins.

I felt a moment of complete mortification, but it soon washed over. Because Alice looked completely amused by the situation.

"Well, Alice, at least everyone knows now that Edward didn't get me to drop my panties in the pantry." She let out a laugh as the next song began and grabbed my arm as we walked away from the Three Stooges. Alice had the ability to make me feel much more bold than I ever felt by myself.

"Bella, you were hilarious right now. That's how to serve it back at them. Stupid boys." she whispered as she gave me an encouraging arm rub.

As we were walking out, Edward tugged on my shoulder, "Can we talk Bella?"

--

**EPOV**

If I had my way, I'd crawl under a rock. But that wouldn't help things with Bella. Especially after my little stunt in the pantry, hearing her laugh off my nickname made me worry. If there was one thing I knew about Bella, it was that whenever she felt vulnerable, she would put up a shield of sarcasm and wit that was hard to penetrate once it was up. She was in full armor mode at this very moment.

"Can we talk Bella?"

Jasper was by Alice's side instantly, and Alice gave Bella a wink. She looked reassuringly at Alice; but when she looked back at me,

there was disappointment in her eyes.

"Sure." Jasper and Alice left us to ourselves.

"Can we leave the party and go somewhere else?

"No, Edward. I promised Alice this was our night out together. I need to stay here for her." She didn't seem happy about that reality. I grabbed her hand.

"No more pantries." I winced with her sharp tone.

I found a free reclining chair and plopped us both on it. "Be honest. What are you thinking."

She situated herself awkwardly on my lap while looking around, avoiding eye contact with me. "It's not news to me obviously. But it's still a little bit...hard to hear."

"I'm sorry, Bella. "

"I'm sorry too," she replied.

"You know I've been living like a priest since I've met you, right?"

She nodded silently, still not making eye contact.

"I just want you to trust me and know I'm not like that anymore. I don't want to be like that anymore. I just want you now, and that's all that matters for me."

She nodded again, with a faint smile. "Well, there is something I was wondering about."

I gestured for her to continue.

"If you are P. Diddy, does that make me your boo? Or am I like, your shawty? "

I cracked up and kissed her on her forehead. "You are all of the above. And if you let James call you wifey one more time, I'll kill him."

"Hey, bub, he proposed to me first you know. He technically earned that title."

I tried to pull her dress down farther as two guys gawked at her on my lap. "And please don't wear those boots out again, to a frat party of all places. I feel like I need to shoot everyone daggers if someone so much as looks our way."

She laughed. "Don't worry, these were on loan from a Fairy Godmother. My night at the ball ends at midnight, and then it's back to cleaning cinders at Casey's and sleepless nights filled with homework." She looked down sadly. Obviously, the night wasn't turning out like a fairy tale for her.

"Well, it's not midnight yet, and if you can think of any wishes I can grant you... I'm at your disposal. Maybe you can make a wish or two come true for me too."

She looked at me warily. "What, you want me to drop trou or something else deviant like that? "

"NOTHING like that. Mainly I just want to get out of here and have some time alone with you before you run off to be a rock star in training."

She smiled. "That sounds good. But Alice..."

"I'll catch up with Alice. And then you and I are heading back to your place. Alone."

--


	25. With You

**Chapter 25: With You**

**note: **Thanks for reviewing ladies!

**note:** Red Shoes Diaries was an infamous series on Showtime Cable in the 90's that showed soft core sexual fantasy sequences. Many a youngster sneaked a peek or two when their parents were out of the house...lol

**Edward:**

It was sixteen minutes until midnight when we got back to her room. We had just wasted almost two hours in the car parking lot playing multiple rounds of "Who Would You Rather?" together, with the "Full House Edition" being the highlight of the game. Our conversation was strained in the beginning as we drove back to her dorm; however, after we got some much needed bantering time in, we were back to our true and proper form. Teasing and playful.

"Well, these boots are turning into pumpkins very quickly, Edward. Better make your wish come true now before it's too late." We had both decided in the last hour that each of us could be granted one wish each from the other. And I decided not to hold back with the one wish I truly wanted.

She was fumbling for the lights in moonlighted darkness when I stopped her. I gently pushed Bella's shoulders against the closed door, leaving the rest of her body sticking out at an incline. "Do you trust me, Bella?"

She nodded, but looked a little nervous that I would ask that in the first place.

"I promise I'm not going to do anything to you that will be out of line, okay?"

"'Kay." She bit her lip however, and concentrated on me as I slowly got onto on one bended knee in front of her, keeping eye contact with her the whole time. I finally broke our gaze as I spread my flexed hands on both sides of her outer thighs. They fell right upon the bottom hem of her dress, and slowly began to raise it. Her breathing hitched and her hands reflexively came down to mine in protest. I looked back up.

"I promise Bella. Nothing out of line." She put her hands back to her side, but I could see them slightly shaking.

I continued raising the dress slowly past her hips, exposing her lace panties I had gotten a glimpse of earlier this evening. She gasped softly.

"Bella, you are so beautiful..." It was an understatement. I'd never seen her look more alluring than at that moment, as she looked down at me. Once my hands moved the dress up to her waist, they stopped. I looked up at her while maintaining my position on bended knee.

"Bella, that day in the tattoo parlor, I kept trying to be a gentleman by not looking down at your exposed hip area. But I couldn't stop from peeking. Over and over again."

She giggled almost silently. "I didn't think anything could get a bigger response from me that day. But then I saw your Clover tattoo on the side of your hip, and it drove me crazy, Bella. I've wanted to touch it so badly, and I've never gotten a chance to." I paused, letting a sly smile escape." Do you remember me mouthing something at James the night of his birthday at your work?"

She nodded.

"I was mouthing for him to never touch your tattoo again. It may be wrong of me to think this way, but I feel like I should have first dibs on touching it before anyone else."

She smiled warmly while my thumbs gently rubbed against her waist.

"That's my wish, Bella. To touch that damn Lucky Charms Clover finally, and those hips that tempted me the whole time I was getting my tattoo." She took in a deep breath as my right hand lowered and began rubbing her hip bone. My lips pressed against the same area lightly. Her muscles tensed on contact. I hadn't planned it, but suddenly my lips had a mind of their own. They began to land small kisses across her waist while making their way to the other hip; all the while, my hands held an uncompromising grip on her hips. I looked up as I was leaving my trail, and her flushed face was watching my every move. Bella's lips were slightly parted and looking even more plump than usual in the moonlight. By the time I reached her other hip, my breathing was labored and I was leaving goosebumps on her skin with each unsteady exhaling. I was determined to behave myself, but it was proving harder than I imagined. I gripped her hips even harder, almost willing my hands not to wander like they wanted to.

Once I got to her tattoo, my lips parted reflexively. I kissed the clover slowly and then backed up to prove to her that I wouldn't misbehave. But I wasn't satisfied-within a couple seconds I was swooping back down for seconds. When I made contact, I pressed firmly against the clover and began sucking it softly. She smelled so good, and yet her skin tasted even better. I couldn't stop myself from licking her skin directly with my tongue.

Her body reacted instantly to me-her hips jutted out slightly but abruptly while her chest stiffened outward. "Edward..." her breathy voice made me pause for a second-until her hands wrapped around my hair, pushing me closer into her skin. I began to suck more firmly, urgently. My hands were losing the battle to stay put--they started lingering towards her backside slowly, the contours of her panties guiding the way for them easily. As my hands began to reach their destination, I knew I had to stop now or else regret asking Bella if she trusted me..

I pushed off her quickly. My breath was jagged as I pulled down her dress down swiftly and moved backwards with my arms extended to the side to show that I wasn't going to pounce her--at least not repeatedly. "I'm sorry, Bella, I'm so sorry..."

"Why do you have your arms out to the side like you just got caught by the police for a robbing a bank?" She looked down at me, still breathing heavy herself, but flashing a brilliant, forgiving smile. I jumped up and hugged her-I didn't care if I came off looking like an overeager puppy in that moment. I had never been more grateful for her ability to diffuse a tense moment with her humor.

**Bella:**

"Wow, that's a hard act to follow," I joked as he jumped on my bed, gleeful with anticipation to see what I had in store for him. The only problem was, I wasn't joking. After Edward effortlessly pulled off the most singularly sexy moment of my entire lifetime, I felt suddenly inadequate. What I fantasized about seemed so limited in comparison.

"I highly doubt that, vixen." He winked at me expectantly. He was making me feel more insecure by the second. What was I doing with him? It didn't make sense when I started thinking about it. We were so different. Tonight only underscored that. And especially in this moment, I felt in over my head. I started thinking about his nickname, and how he "earned" it. Who he must have earned it with--girls with experience on how to affect someone like Edward.

"Earth to Bella..." I looked up suddenly and sighed.

"Edward, can I be honest with you?"

"Of course!" He patted his lap, motioning me to sit. I plopped down on top of him.

"I don't want to be anyone but myself. I hate putting on airs."

He looked at me with confusion. "And that's a good thing, right?"

"Mmmmm...I'm not sure when I'm with you sometimes."

He scrunched his face. "Explain." He kissed my forehead and then rested his head on my shoulder, waiting for me to elaborate.

"Just right now is a perfect example. We are wanting to to share our fantasies and wishes, right? You pull off some "Red Shoes Diaries" entry in under 2 minutes flat. And I don't want to feel this way, but I do Edward-like I feel some pressure to be all sexy for you now when I really have no clue what the hell to do since I have next to zip experience in this area..."

Edward's confusion on his face was apparent."Woah, this isn't a competition Bella. I don't want you to be anything but yourself. That's what I love about you." He paused and then looked at me incredulously." And I'm sorry, but aren't you the same girl who had me shuffling around on my knees like a fearful dog while you had your leg extended up by your ear a couple hours earlier?" He started laughing loudly at that thought. "Bella, you are the sexiest girl I've ever been around. I have no clue what you are even getting at-"

I stopped him with a raised finger. "I'm getting at the fact, Edward, that you've had alot of experience before me. With girls who had experience. And right now when I'm suppossed to let loose some fantasy about you, I'm feeling a little...less-than." I couldn't articulate it any better than that, but I wasn't sure he'd understand.

Edward suddenly stiffened and seized my shoulders with his hands. "Bella, never think like that. Promise me.." He raised my chin with his index finger. "You could simply put your head on my shoulder and it would drive me crazy. You don't really get how you affect me, Bella. Ask anyone who knows me well, I've never reacted to anyone like this before." He began nuzzling my neck and I broke out begrudingly with a smile. "So, on with the wish, Shorty."

"It's shawty, white boy."I jumped off the bed with a giggle and put on the radio. "I need some white noise." Some sugary sweet pop ballad came on, giving me a toothache instantly.

_"I need you boo..."_

We both looked at eachother, and started cracking up. I self consciously got back onto the bed and straddled myself onto his lap. He quickly assumed a more serious demeanor. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he sighed, "If this was the extent of your fantasy, this would be more than enough for me."

I rolled my eyes. "Stop being such a kiss ass." He chuckled.

"My wish is pretty straight forward Edward. The first time I shook your hand when we met eachother, I had this weird, inexplicable need to touch your face. It freaked me out so much I left the room within fifteen seconds of meeting. That's my wish, I just want to touch your face, uninterrupted and unhurried." I heard how absolutely uninteresting and pathetic that sounded, so I added sarcastically, "Sorry in advance, just in case you were hoping my fantasy was to give you some mind numbing blow job instead."

He slapped my thigh and scolded me: "Shut up. You are ruining the mood."

I sighed. "You are putting way too much of a buildup here for simply touching your face. This is going to be completely anti-climatic."

--

**Edward:**

_"Every kiss, and every hug, you make me fall in love,"_

The words to some super sweet pop ballad played in the background; and yet it seemed oddly appropriate as I looked at Bella, and she looked back at me. She was dressed like a vixen; I was glad those boots were only on loan, they were too sexy for her own good. Her dress could pass for a top on a regular day. Her eyes were smokey and mysterious-her hair jagged and falling into her face seductively. But when I looked at her face, her expressions, I saw the real Bella. The Bella underneath all the sarcasm and sexy boots and assertions of jaded worldiness. The real Bella looked like a young, innocent, beautiful girl who was asking me silently if she could trust me. She wanted to reach out to me, but needed me to reassure her. So I did. I brushed her cheek softly with my fingers and then nodded.

She scooted slightly farther up onto my lap, looking at me intently now. Her stare was so clear and penetrating, I wanted to look away. I didn't want her to see right through me. I knew if she saw everything I was, and had been, she would be a fool not to run the other way. And I wanted her to stay right where she was; not just right now, but tomorrow and the next day as well. Past that, I didn't want to push my luck.

That was the worst part of wanting Bella. I worried with each new revelation and detail of my past, Bella would decide I wasn't worth it, cut her losses, and walk away. She was capable of doing that, if she needed to. I looked down, not wanting to meet her gaze. But she softly lifted up my chin with her finger and smiled sweetly. It wasn't just a benign smile-it spoke so much more as it reached all the way up to her eyes. In that moment, I knew she COULD see right through me. She could see what I was, what I was trying to be, how I wasn't quite there still. And yet, she still smiled back at me. I couldn't look away, even if I wanted to, as she leaned in more closely.

--

**Bella:**

Edward's sudden dose of shyness made me feel less pathetic. I lifted his chin slightly and smiled, letting him know it was okay. I knew how embarrassed he had been tonight when his past collided with his attempts at being "New and Improved Edward." I had a good laugh at his expense, but it had been a form of self preservation too. If I was honest, the fact that he had such a past stung me greatly. But in this moment, as I looked into his eyes, and he held his breath as I leaned in closer, his past didn't matter to me. What mattered most was what he had shown me in the past month: patience, regret, humility, true friendship and care. All I felt in that moment was gratitude for having him in my life. Emmett told me I would know when it was time to show Edward grace, to let him know I was ready to let him be the person I wanted him to be. And to not condemn him as the person I thought he could only amount to when I judged him by his past. It was time.

I lifted the back of my bended fingers to his face and gently rubbed them up and down on his cheek. He closed his eyes and turned his whole head into my carress. Edward looked like a little boy in that moment and I let out soft giggle. His eyes opened, questioningly, and I shook my head. I flipped my hand and let both sets of finger tips start to memorize his face. They started out on opposite sides of his jaw, trailed up his cheekbones, over his forehead, and then onto his hair. As I massaged his head softly and he let out a small shiver, he finally looked up at me. I couldn't read his eyes exactly, but they looked full of something; feelings or emotion maybe, but what kind? I wasn't sure. I hoped I wasn't making him uncomfortable.

While one hand continued massaging his scalp, I dragged my thumb down the middle of his forehead and annoyingly straight nose. When I let my thumb rest softly on his bottom lip while cupping his jaw, he exhaled unevenly as his lips parted. I rubbed his bottom lip lightly, and he kissed it softly in return, his eyes still watching me intently. My thumb continued to drag downward lightly over his jaw and down his neck while my lips reached out to his. He closed his eyes on contact. The kiss lasted only a couple of seconds before I quickly lifted up and had my lips meet each of his eyes with a kiss. It was then that I felt some moisture. Not alot, but enough to feel a slightly salty taste on my lips as I licked them. I sat back slightly, trying to look more carefully.

"Are those tears?"

He didn't answer-he just kept his eyes closed.

"Are you crying?"

He still didn't respond. I had to say something to get him to react.

"Crap, you're upset cause you really wished I had given you a blow job instead, huh?"

He burst out laughing, shaking his head. With his eyes still closed, he responded, "Quite the opposite actually. I couldn't ask for anything better than what you are doing right now. It's overwhelming, how it feels. How you feel on me. I wish you hadn't stopped..."

I grimaced silghtly, "Then why..." I trailed off. I didn't think I needed to say "cry" for the fourth time in one minute.

He slowly opened one eye with the other one still scrunched as he softly whispered: "Just feeling a little less-than myself right now."

I swooped in for another soft kiss while I cupped both hands on his cheeks.

I mentally took a snapshot of his face at that moment-his smile was so joyful and happy, and it made my heart almost break to know I had been the reason for bringing it out. I didn't even think at that moment-I simply leaned down and kissed him again-and I didn't rush away this time. His lips responded so sweetly, trying to convey his intentions toward me. It didn't feel like a means to an end--like a starting point to try to deepen the kiss. Instead, he pressed his lips softly yet firmly against mine, moving when I moved, slowing when I slowed. But his lips were not going to let go, that was apparent. If the kiss was going to be broken, it would have to be from my end.

And I broke it eventually. I silently got off my bed and threw back my sheets and blanket. He followed suit, standing up on the side of my bed, waiting for me to give him a cue on what I wanted him to do next. I unzipped my boots and stepped out of them. Then I motioned him into my bed. He didn't say anything-he slipped his shoes off and slid in. I slid in next, scooting back until I came into contact with his chest. And his arms-they wrapped around me automatically at my waist. I lifted his hand up to my mouth and kissed it gently. He began to nuzzle the nape of my neck while I continued to hum the song on the radio. It was the last thing I remembered doing before morning sunbeams trickled onto my face and woke me up. I was momentarily disoriented, but looked down-- to find Edward's hands were still clasped together around my waist, even though he was fast asleep.

I whispered outloud to help myself process the possibility: "He isn't going to let go."

--


	26. Love Me If You Dare

**Chapter 26: Love Me If You Dare**

**note: Okay, I got a good amount of pms asking questions about the last chapter, so let me clear up some questions now if you were wondering:**

**a) why was Edward crying?:** He wasn't full on crying-more like some stray tears got away from him. Both Bella and Edward were feeling "Less-than" in different ways-Bella felt "less-than" for her inexperience sexually and worrying she wasn't sexy enough for Edward. But Edward was feeling "less-than" for having TOO much random sexual experience. He got emotional because even though he feels he doesn't deserve someone as good as Bella(his own sister told him he didn't!), she was accepting him in that moment, warts and all. It overwhelmed him.I think that's how Bella/Edward are in "Twilight"--where they don't feel good enough for one another-so I tried to incorporate that in some capacity to this story. The operative word being "tried"--lol.

**b) Why Chris Brown of all songs?:** Ahahah, these pms made me laugh.:) Here was my logic--Bella was trying to make Edward not feel "less than"-so she tried to distract him with humor. Chris Brown's song is like an auditory version of kittens and rainbows, so at first Bella is just joking serenading him with this super-sweet tooth song. But as she continues to sing it, she ends up singing it seriously, which is sorta showing how Edward really disarms her. Bella is so naturally smart alecky, I wanted her to be as nonsarcastic as possible in this moment-to show just how genuine she was being with Edward about how she feels about him. So smart ass Bella singing Chris Brown seemed logical. lol The operative word again being "seemed"--...;)

**soooo...this chapter is WAY longer than I meant it to be, which doesn't please me at all cause I HATE drawn out chapters...but...meanwhile, back at the ranch with jas and alice while bella and edward were getting their gushiness on...**

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**JPOV**

I wanted to kill Edward right now. He came up to me earlier, whispered that he and Bella were going back to her place, and begged for me to try to keep Alice away for as long as possible. When I told him to go back to our room instead(that way Alice could head home whenver she pleased), he shot it down. At first he argued that they could talk more easily in her room. But he eventually explained the real reason: "I like lying down on her pillows-they smell like her hair. " Sometimes I really didn't understand how Edward's brain works at all.

"Maybe Ali can just sleep in my bed tonight at our place," he mentioned casually, not even questioning the idea for one second. Of course he wouldn't-I had practically lived at their house for most of my teen years. Alice and I had shared beds, couches, and even sleeping bags together when I tagged along on Cullen family vacations. But that was then-this is now. Now I was watching Alice dance against some random guy and I wanted to rip his face off. I've wanted to rip guys' faces off before in the name of Alice's honor, don't get me wrong. But this wasn't about Alice's honor right now. It was about my honor. And my honor was insisting I get Alice out of this guy's arms and away from this party altogether as soon as possible. I wouldn't let myself figure out "why" my honor insisted upon these things. I didn't really want to know to be honest.

Alice never responded to demands or coercion though. If I was going to get my way, I would have to play it nice and smooth. Alice had me wrapped around her pretty little finger rather tightly; but I knew how to make her respond to me as well.

As the song ended, I politely acknowledged the idiot she was dancing with and then laid an arm around her waist as I put my mouth to her ear. "I have three words for you short stuff: Cherry Cheesecake Milkshake." She looked up at me with a puzzled look. "Extra Large. One cup. Two straws. You and me. Cold Stone Creamery. We only got a couple more minutes before it closes." She looked up at me with her beautiful smile-out of nowhere my finger went up and began to caress her cheek. She raised an eyebrow.(_a/n: Cold Stone Creamery is a famous ice cream shop franchise in the states_.)

"Well, aren't you pulling out all the stops to get me away from this grown up party and back to the kiddie table...with a milkshake no less. Are you going to read me a bedtime story as well while getting me into some footed pajamas?"

I squeezed her just below her waist a couple times as she started wiggling in my grasp-the region that would make her buckle in a fit of giggles if I tickled it with the just the right amount of pressure. As she squirmed in my arm, I casually looked over at the guy she had been dancing with, making sure he saw me stake my claim. I bent down towards her ear and whispered, "Oh, I think I prefer those boots to footed pajamas if I need to tell you some stories in bed."

She narrowed her eyes in my direction, but didn't stop me as I started shifting her away from her dance partner and towards the door.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**APOV**

Jas was holding onto my waist with both hands from behind as we navigated through the crowd. It wasn't nice how he was flirting with me-I knew better. He was dazzling me to get what he wanted. And for whatever reason, he wanted me to leave the party. Just to remind him that I had dazzling powers of my own, I decided to flash flirtatious smiles side to side as we walked. I pushed his hands off my waist and started getting my "catwalk" on, giving my Louboutin boots one last hurrah before calling it a night. I was getting the desired effect of male attention as I sashayed through the hall-and the added bonus of catty stares from several girls. One boy I danced with earlier, Blaine, snapped his head in my direction. He hurried over to my side and flipped his cellphone open. "Alice, are you leaving?"

I sighed sadly. "Unfortunately yes, but I'm glad I got to dance with you earlier." I whipped out as stunning a smile as I could as Jasper watched on.

" I can't let you go without getting your number. And I need to get a picture with you in those boots. I swear you walked out of my dreams and straight into my heart tonight..."

Jasper snorted, obviously unimpressed by his line. I stared at him coldly before releasing my smile back on Blaine. "Of course!" I looked at Jasper and barked, "Jasper, take our picture." If looks could kill, I'd be heading for a morgue-Jasper was not amused.

As he took the cellphone, Blaine wrapped his arms around my waist. "Get the boots in the shot..." he ordered Jasper. His tone made me crack up as Jasper muttered something under his breath.

I couldn't help myself-I felt like toying with Jasper a little more. He deserved it after whispering in my ear all sexy about my boots."Here Blaine, maybe if I just hiked my leg over you like this.."I gracefully lifted my leg up and over his hipbone--I knew all those years of ballet would classes come in handy one day.." the whole boot can get into the picture more easily." I turned towards Jasper and gave him a gloating smile as Blaine threw a mischievous grin towards me. Jasper hurriedly snapped the picture.

Blaine took the camera from Jasper without a word and then turned back towards me. "So, what's your number, gorgeous?"

Jasper suddenly snaked his arms around my waist from behind and began tickling the back of my ear with his nose. Jasper understood that would cause me to go into hysterics-he knew just where to hit my certain ticklish hot spots after so many years.

"Jasper!" I tried to get him to stop. Instead he started laughing and then...sucked on my ear lobe for a brief moment. I froze, and then threw my head in his direction. He was giving me a smile that was even more gloating than mine just a couple seconds earlier. Blaine cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Oh, Blaine--it's Blaine right?" Jasper used his most polite voice, but I could hear the undertone of indignation. Blaine nodded. He began nuzzling me again. "It's 805-444-2830. But don't call her too early tomorrow okay? I have some bedtime stories I need to read to her tonight, and we may be going at it until the wee hours." Both Blaine and me gawked at Jasper.

He shrugged casually. "Going at it with reading of course."

Blaine walked away without another word as I slapped Jasper on the shoulder while calling him a pig. He cracked up and grabbed my hand.

"You deserved that after your little leg hiking stunt. Don't forget, Alice-I'm not Edward. I know how to get to you just as much as you can get to me."

He had no idea how true that was. But I would never let him know that.

I smiled demurely. "Actually Jas, I can easily trump you when it comes to who gets to the other more. I never felt the need to lord it over you though; that is, until now."

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**JPOV**

There was an energy between us that had never shown it's face before-at least not to this degree. We were playing a game right now, to see who would cave in to the other first. We'd play this game endless times before, but with different stakes.

We would see who would cave in first to laughter, or sleeping, or tickling fits--anything could be at stake to prove the other's strength at the expense of the other's weakness.But tonight the energy was working in a very different direction. We were seeing who would cave in first to the other's allure. And I could see the pretty little wheels in her head turning with anticipation as she sashayed along in front of me. Some part deep down inside was telling me this could only lead to disaster, but but my curiousity was dominating my decisions at the moment.

We held eachother's hands now as we made our way to the front porch door. Friends of mine were giving me knowing looks. Alice noticed, and threw me a cynical sigh. It was then that I heard my name being called loudly from a distance. Lauren.

"Jasper!" She hurried up to my side, with an expectant smile. We had gone out a couple times since that night at _Suede_. She was a hot girl, no doubt about it. But lately, she had been laying it on thick in terms of expectations-she wanted more than I could give her right now. She let out slight gasp-and it was then I realized she was staring at my hand entangled with Alice's. I reflexively tried to pull away-but Alice held if firmly, smiling innocently the whole time.

"Hey, Lauren." I didn't have anything more for her. Alice was too ready to put me in my place after my Blaine antics. Silence was best.

"What are you up to," Lauren asked suspiciously as she gave Alice a slow onceover. Alice continued to smile, her head tilting to the side slightly in mock wide eyed innocence.

"Just heading out. I think I pointed out Alice at Suede that one night..." I let that drift off, hoping Lauren would remember me saying that Alice was like my sister, without having to say it in front of Alice. Too much ammunition for Alice if I did.

Lauren gave me a drop dead look. "Rigggghhhtt...your sister." She put up her two hands and air quoted "sister" with her fingers dramatically.

Alice let out a giggle. "Jas, we aren't like brother and sister!" I could feel her body angling in closer to mine. As I turned to face whatever mischief she had in mind, I was met with her hand behind my head pushing me forward--and sending me crashing into her parted lips. She backed up with a raised eyebrow for a split second to gauge my surprise, and must have liked what she had seen. Because she swooped back in, sucking on my bottom lip for a second before retreating again.

She licked her top lip and then made a loud smacking noise as she winked at me. "More like kissing cousins." She turned to Lauren and deadpanned, "We definitely like to keep it in the family though."

Lauren hurled several expletives in my direction before leaving as quickly as she appeared. "Alice!" I looked at her stunned, but she only responded with an innocent smile. She touched my cheek, and was slowing moving into me again, looking at my lips...

--

**APOV**

I got within milimeters of his lips, when I suddenly pointed my finger at him: "You just got trumped!" I turned around, extended my arms while holding up the victory sign with my fingers, and screamed, "I am the ruler over Jasperdom!"

Jas picked me up from my waist and whispered back, "The night's still young, short stuff. I wouldn't call it a victory yet."

He raced us to the local Cold Stone Creamery and we made it there four minutes before closing. However, the over-eager-to-close workers had locked the door already. I saw Jasper sigh in defeat. But I wasn't taking this lying down. I knocked on the door. Fortunately there was one male worker who looked up and smiled, looking as he was willing to open the door. But the other worker, a girl with a very sour look on her face, mouthed something to him that discouraged him. He gave me a regretful look and put his head back down as he was cleaning.

"Let's go, Ali. They aren't going to open up." I just smiled at him slyly. The front three walls of the store were made of glass, with a knee-high cement curb around it. I jumped on top of the curb and made my way to the window closest to Sour Girl. I knocked gently, and then more loudly when she continued to ignore me. She finally looked up and yelled exasperatedly, "We're Closed!"

I smiled sweetly as I peered in and read her nametag: Jenna. "Jenna? Could you please let us in? Your own clock says it's only 10:57 PM-we'll be quick, we promise. We just want a Cherry Cheesecake Shake." Jenna walked over to the window and yelled, "WE. ARE. CLOSED." Jasper began pulling my hand and telling me to let it go.

"Jas, you promised me a Cherry Cheesecake Shake if I left the party. These boots demand some retribution after you made them retire so early from their newfound celebrity."

Jasper looked at me quizzically. "Do you notice you speak of your boots like they are their own entity alot?"

"Jas, they are Christian Louboutin boots. Of course they are their own entity!"

I jumped back onto the window curb and headed to the side of the store that the boy was on. I could easily read the name on his tag." Connor? Jenna's the night manager right?" Connor looked up somewhat suprised but nodded."And she really, really wants to get home so she closed early and is trying to scare us away so she doesn't mess up any of her cleaning she wasn't suppossed to do until after closing, right?" Connor just shrugged while Jenna looked like she wanted to reach through the glass and strangle me.

I opened up my cellphone and clicked a picture of the time on the clock as well as Jenna sneering at me. "So, Connor, I'm sending these pictures along with a message to the general manager tomorrow if I don't get a Cherry Cheesecake Shake. I'm putting a good word in for you though, cause you seem like a real peach." I winked at him as Jenna begrudgingly walked over and unlocked the door. "Satisfied?" She hissed in my direction. I grabbed Jasper's hand as he just laughed my relentlessness."Yes, Jenna. I didn't mean to strongarm you, but we did get her before closing."

I walked in, ready to simply order the shake, until Jenna continued to be a bitch. "Watch your steps in here. We just mopped..." as she went behind the counter, she mumbled to Connor," we wouldn't want her to slip in her hooker boots."

Suddenly, Jasper had his arm around me. "What did you just say?"

I winked at him, letting him know to play along. "She's saying you look like a total pimp, Jasper. Or maybe my John! Cause why else would you be with a hooker in hooker boots? Connor, does he look more like a pimp or a John to you?" Jasper started cracking up, as did Connor. He saw Jenna eye him though and he quickly shut up. "I think you more like a high end John to me.You are too hot to be a pimp. I can't see you holding a jewel encrusted goblet up, pimp style, while beating me with a belt for not bringing in enough money after a long shift."

Jasper smiled and gripped me tighter. "Well, Alice, I think you look like a top of the line, high end call girl yourself. Don't we make a perfect pair?" He gave me a quick kiss on the lips as Jenna let out a disgusted sigh.

--

**JPOV**

After torturing Jenna for her rude behavior by asking for about 10 different samples of ice cream, we finally ordered our shake to go. We both doubled over in laughter as we left the store, wishing Jenna a pleasant evening. This was what I remembered best about hanging out with Alice before I left for college. You could do the most mundane things with her, and she always turned it into an event. A simple ice cream run turned into a prostitution role playing game complete with Alice scaling window panes in thigh high boots to ensure we weren't denied a milkshake.

"Don't drink it until we get home," I warned as I saw her take the lid off. It was too thick to drink through a straw at the moment, so she was trying to sneak a slurp in. She took a quick sip as I was parking, and I put on the brakes abruptly-pushing her face straight forward into the open cup. She looked at me in total shock as I smiled smugly at her shake covered nose. "I warned you to wait."

She narrowed her eyes as I began laughing, wiping her nose with her hand--and then slapped the same hand down on my leather upholstery. "Wow, Jas,. these leather bucket seats are niiiiicce..."I grabbed her hand quickly--only to watch her nuzzle the back of her seat with her messy nose. "Hmmmm...Jasper, the leather smells so good too..."

Quickly, I snatched the shake out of her hand and put it in a cup holder. Then I leaned over her and grabbed some wet car wipes that were stored in the glove compartment. She laughed as I began to wipe down her hand and nose. "I swear Jasper, what 21 year old guy keeps baby wipes in his glove compartment? You and Edward are the biggest dandies ever made. Sometimes you remind me of an anal retentive soccer mom..."

I gave her a scolding look. "And sometimes you remind me of bratty child who needs to be spanked." I was wiping her nose as she smiled sweetly at me.

"This reminds me of when we went to Yosemite, and I fell down on the trail, and Edward just laughed at me. But you ran over and wiped my cut clean with the bandana in your pocket." I laughed at the memory.

"What can I say, Alice? I was born to take care of you..."

--

**APOV**

He asked me if I wanted to watch a movie in his room, "like old times" he qualified, and I agreed. I plopped down on Edward's bed as Jasper fell onto his. "Alice?"

"Yeah."

"Can I ask you a question?"

I nodded as I flipped onto my stomach to face him.

"Where the hell did you learn how to do that thing to my bottom lip earlier?"

I laughed out loud. " I just sucked on your lip. I sunctioned with my lips, and voila."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "No, It's not what you did, Ali-it's HOW you did it. The little tongue swirl action along with the suction..." He looked at me with an accusing eye.

"You get one guess. Here's a couple clues to help you, even though **they're geographically and culturally incorrect and based on gross stereotypes made by Ugly Americans**." I put my head down and then brought it up dramatically. "I'll put another shrimp on the barbie for ya!" His face fell as I said that. "G-day, Mate!" His mouth was open now as I tried to think of other gross stereotypes to torture him with. I started singing the Outback SteakHouse theme song and then told him Frodo the Hobbit lived in the same land as the guy in question--"not Middle Earth though, just for clarification." That's when he told me to shut up.

"Ali...I can't believe you let that big goon kiss you. I never pegged you as a dumb jock type..." His face was completely indignant.

"He's actually quite smart and thoughtful and witty, Jas. And if we are going to voice concerns about dating choices, I can't believe how boring Lauren is. She's like a big, human rice cake. Bland with no flavor. Even her hair is the color of rice cakes, and she used her fingers to airquote "sister," Jas. How can you tolerate an air quoter?"

He raised an eyebrow smugly. "Are you a little jealous there, Ali?"

I rolled my eyes. "If I was jealous I wouldn't have just owned her right now by sucking on your lip and making her crumble right before my eyes. Which reminds me-I'll make sure to relay your compliments to Seamus on what a good kissing coach he is the next time I see him."

"Please don't. I should probably just relay my condolences to you instead. He looks like a big, sloppy kisser actually. Haven't you learned to stick with domestic products, Alice? Domestic is the only way to go."

"Says the boy who owns a Japanese imported Lexus Convertible**(picture in the profile)."**

It was my turn to smile smugly. He narrowed his eyes. "So, what's so great about imported kissing then? What wonderful things have you learned?" He wasn't going to give up obviously.

"Oh, all sorts of things Jas." I let that hang in the air as I flipped onto my back and threw one booted leg over the other. "He was my first kiss actually, so he had to get me up to speed if you know what I mean. He was ever so efficient in that task too." I turned around and gave him a mischievous wink. He jumped from his bed and sat down by my side quickly.

"He was your first kiss? Honestly?"

"Yes, Jasper. Not all of us skank it up the way you and Edward do."

He laughed heartily. "Then you have nothing to compare it to. He could be the worst kisser in the world and you wouldn't know any better!" He was issuing a challenge, it wasn't lost on me.

I sat up slightly, resting my weight on my elbows as I looked up at his face. "Oh, I think I'm a natural actually, and my gut tells me he'll probably be the best kisser I'll ever happen upon."

Jasper snorted. "I could make you forget about him in one minute."

"Wow, I never knew you were so nationalistic, Jas--wanting to kiss me for the sole purpose of converting me to domestic kissing partners from here on out. What did New Zealand ever do to you?"

Before I could say anything else, Jasper leaned in with a smile. He softly kissed me on the lips-I reciprocated tenatively. I wasn't sure if this was still a part of our little unspoken wager earlier-was he trying to trump me? I never knew my first kiss with Jasper would end up being so full of doubt. His lips began moving against mine more rhythmically, his lips parting silghtly. I mirrored his movements, and realized that whatever his motivations were initially, it was turning into something else as his lips pressed more urgently against mine and he grabbed the back of my head. I pulled away softly. I couldn't help but smile like I'd won the lottery. He smiled back radiantly.

"Not bad. But I really think that New Zealand needs to represent though. By proxy of course through me. You can't diss a whole nation without giving them a chance to respond."

I stayed in my position lying beneath him with my elbows supporting my upper body. Noticing I wasn't planning on moving, he quickly threw his legs face down on top of my body, looking like he was about to start doing push-ups over me on the bed. I extended my right hand and gestured with a finger to come down closer. He smiled as he bent down. I leaned into his personal space, tilting my head slightly. I gave him a soft kiss just to the right of his lips-he reflexively tried to move his mouth towards mine. I quickly retreated and shook my head. "Play by my rules, Jas."

I leaned up again and landed my lips just to the left of his. He stayed still this time. I dragged my lips downward just south of his bottom lip and paused there for a second. I could hear his breathing getting heavier. I tried not to smile as I moved upward just a tad, capturing his lower lip into my mouth while sucking on it slightly. His mouth was open now, and I extended my neck to close the distance between our mouths. I didn't bother with formalities--I simply slid my tongue inside his mouth. His eyes jolted open, and I gave him mischevious wink as I paused for a moment. When I went back inside for seconds, his tongue was waiting for me. I reflexively grabbed onto the back of his neck as his arms crashed down onto the bed, no longer supporting his weight. He was laying straight on top of me now.

000000000000000000000000000000000000

**JPOV**

My hands began to take a life on of their own. It was like I was witnessing them move dangerously low down her hips--although I was the one instigating their movement. Her lips were delicious as they moved suggestively against mine, and it was messing with my thought processes. All I could think about in that moment was that I wanted more of her to touch and taste. When I felt my hands grasp onto her backside firmly though and she let out a surprised gasp, I was jolted back into reality. I pushed myself off her, my breathing jagged.

"Point taken. New Zealand may be able to hold it's own against the US." She threw me an incredulous look.

I walked back to my bed in a daze, trying to collect myself. I had just groped, with too much enthusiasm I might add, the girl I'd loved like a sister for more than half of my life. It felt like I had betrayed her trust, her brother's trust-Emse's and Carlisle's...

"What movie do you wanna watch Al?" I quickly shuffled to the other side of the room and started thumbing through my collection nervously. She was silent. Fine...I'll pick something..."I think you'll like this movie, I just picked it up last week." I turned around to see her looking at me like I was an idiot. "What?"

"What do you think, Jasper? "

I sat on my bed, trying to find the right words to say. "Alice, I think we love to dare eachother alot, and we just picked the wrong dare tonight." I didn't exactly believe that, but I needed time to figure out what I actually did believe. She must have thought I was a monster right now, the way I had my hands all over her, and I wanted to reassure her I would never treat her like that again. "I just know I really do love you like a sister, and I don't want to do anything stupid to ruin what we have." There, that sounded diplomatic and reassuring enough for now.

She stood up, glaring at me. "So, this was just about our dare earlier about who reacts more to the other? And you only think of me as a sister?"

I couldn't nod in agreement, because I didn't know what I felt exactly. So I just stared at her.

"Take me home, Jasper. I'm not in the mood for a movie afterall." She gathered her purse and looked at me expectantly.

I bit my lip, not sure how to proceed. "Well, actually, Edward asked if I could watch you for a couple hours or so because Bella and him went back to your place to talk."

I wasn't expecting her reaction. I anticipated her to look put out or annoyed. Maybe curse out Edward and me in the process. Instead, she looked like I had kicked her in the stomach. And then she began to laugh hysterically.

"So...you are watching me? You are babysitting me right now? God, I can't believe I didn't see this coming a mile away...and here I thought you just wanted to spend time with me." She started laughing harder as she turned away from me.

"No, Ali, it's not like that..." I started to get up to explain, but then I froze as she turned around. She was crying.

"This must be so funny to you. Well, you definitely trumped me afterall I guess. You win Jasper. What do I owe you-- a milkshake? An upholstery clearning for your car interior? Or should I just leave a 20 dollar bill on your nightstand..."

I rushed towards her. "Alice, no..." I tried to grab her, but she shoved me off. She wiped her tears. "I guess I"m stuck here for awhile, then. This is going to be awkward." She laughed through her tears as she walked over to Edward's bed and laid down with her back to me. Her small shoulders shook as she cried silently. I sat down on the bed with her.

"Alice, listen to me..." I tried to to touch her, but she winced every time I attempted to.

"Jasper, please, just leave me alone. I need to be alone right..." she sucked in a huge intake of air at that moment, which stopped her from continuing. I tried to touch her one more time, but she started crying harder. I was starting to feel desperate-words started flooding out of my mouth in a vain attempt to right the multiple wrongs I had set in motion tonight.

"This is all my fault, Ali. I'm sorry, I got carried away tonight. It's all my fault. I started all of this. I wasn't thinking, I just kept doing things I know I shouldn't have. You know I love you, right? I love more than my own family. I missed you so much when we went to college, you don't know how happy I am to have you back in my life. And I don't want to mess that up. I"ll make it up to you Ali..."Her shoulders shook harder the more I talked, I felt completely helpless. "Please don't cry, it's killing me. "

Her head was buried in Edward's sheets as she let out a muffled response. "Do know how you feel about me, Jas? Just answer that for me. You didn't earlier when I asked."

"I don't know what I feel right now, Ali. I just feel confused."

Her breath hitched, and she continued. "Well, therein lies the problem, Jas. Cause I've known how I felt about you since I was 12 years old." She started to laugh out of embarrassment again." Can you just leave me alone for awhile, please? I need to just calm down and then you can come back later." Her overly polite tone was killing me-I could feel everything changing between us instantly.

"I'll be back soon, and then we'll talk."

I paced back and forth in front of my car, telling myself it would be alright. That come tomorrow, I'll wake Alice up with fresh coffee and a muffin just like I always did, and ruffle her hair while she whines that she wants to go back to sleep. She'll flash her brilliant smile at me again, and we will go back to how we were. We wouldn't let one stupid night ruin what we have.

0000000000000000000000000000

**APOV**

What seemed like hours later, Jas walked back into the room and sat on my bed. He laid gently behind me, putting his arm around my waist while whispering in my ear to wake up. I smelled fresh coffee closeby as his hand began to ruffle through my hair. "Good morning, short stuff." I tensed at the touch of his breath blowing so closely next to my ear.

"I'm awake."

"Sit up, Ali, I got you something to eat."

I sat up and turned his way, my sore, puffy eyes trying to adjust to the morning light. Jasper let out a drawn breath when he looked at my face. He reached for my face with the back of his hand, "Alice..."

I gently took his hand off my face. "Jas, we need to talk."

He looked like that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I'll make it relatively painless, trust me. I'm not normally a masochist either. But, we can't go back to doing what we did before like nothing happened. I can't at least."

He put his head down as I continued.

"You aren't my brother, no matter how much you declare you are, and I"m not 12 anymore, Jasper. I think we need some space from eachother. It gets too confusing otherwise for me." I stood up quickly. "I need to get home, Jas."

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**JPOV **

I parked the car and opened my door to dash to her side of the car.

"No," she said firmly. "Stay here, Jasper."

She turned towards me and smiled politely. "It's going to be okay. We just need a little space. And then we can figure out how to be friends again."

Her words were making me feel frantic-like she was saying good bye to me and what we had been to eachother all these years. All because of a couple stupid moments. "Alice, I don't want space. I love waking you up with breakfast and taking you to school and going out to lunch with you and hanging out with you. I"m too used to it now."

She ignored my plea. "I'll call you when I think we can hang out again. But for now, let's not try to reinstitute any of our little rituals right now. They feel too intimate after everything that's happened. It's too confusing." She got out of the car resolutely and flashed me a sad smile. "See you later, Jas."

She walked away, and I waited for her to turn around, to give me a sign it was going to be alright. But she never looked back.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000


	27. Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

**Chapter 27: Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews!**

**note: So, I"m going on vacation for a week starting monday. I may update one more time before then. But if not, I'll update when I get back.**

**note: I swear I don't hold stock in Cold Stone Creamery--it just happened to come up again in this chapter...lol**

**BPOV:**

"We'll do whatever you want today. I'm your slave, Alice. And I'm fully aware what I'm committing to by saying that." She giggled softly. I had been holding her for more than two hours in my bed, letting her cry every last tear out.

She told me about her night, how perfect it seemed-and how it unraveled as soon as they shared their first kiss. How Jasper reacted--or more accurately didn't. How she reacted to his non-reaction.

"It was so pathetic. Crying on my brother's bed while his best friend told me how he loved me so much...as a sister."

I shook my head. "I can't believe how easily you bought that line. If you are like his sister, why was he playing grab ass with you?" As she let out a hearty laugh, I knew my sole purpose at that moment was to be her personal cheerleading section. "Please, Alice, his first reaction to kissing you was to cop a feel. If that's how he treats a sister, thank goodness he's an only child!"

I kept apologizing over and over again about her thinking she couldn't come home however. I would talk to Edward about never putting his sister in such a predicament again. But I was sworn to secrecy to not explain why he mustn't-Alice didn't want him to find out what had happened.

"Bella, don't apologize at all. Last night when I was in Edward's bed, I kept thinking back to the whole night at Suede when you caught Edward. You didn't cry, you didn't even let him see you frown. Instead you got up and screamed "I effing hate you" while winking at James!" She smiled widely." And then you refused to see him for over a month. I held myself together last night and this morning by thinking, "What would Bella do?"

I cracked up. "What you see as a strength Alice is actually my weakness-I retreat very quickly when things don't look up. Edward and I knew eachother what--one day by that point? You and Jasper have known eachother for over half of your lives. Apples and oranges, Alice. I had alot less to lose than you did last night."

"Well, I'm still proud I took a play out of Bella's handbook this morning." She smiled smugly. "I told him we needed some space, and that I'd contact him when I was ready." She looked at me as if she was sure I was going to commend her for that move.

I had to approach this carefully-but honestly. "Jasper was a complete idiot. He sounded completely broadsided by what happened last night and he didn't know how to deal. But, Alice, what you may need more than anything is just a really honest talk with him. Your history together changes how you may want to approach this. He's earned alot of awesome friend and brother frequent flyer miles throughout the years."

She shrugged. "Maybe..." She tried to be polite, but I got the hint she just didn't want to have to face him for awhile-she was feeling humiliated at the moment. "Okay, so about being my slave..." she grinned slyly. "How about a mani-pedi as we drink Chai Lattes while looking at celebrity tabloid magazines?"

"Whatever toots your horn, sister." I gave her one last hug. "Can I confess something, Alice?"

She nodded sweetly."I sorta get Jasper. From one only child to another, I really think I get him."

She waited for me to elaborate.

"I get why Jasper is so adamant about being your brother. I think it's his way of staking his claim as a part of your family-and a part of your life, Alice. He may just be having a hard time knowing how he will fit in anymore if you decide you don't need a big brother anymore."

She furrowed her eyebrows. "He'll always be family."

"You know that-he may not. As an only child, I know what it's like looking from the outside in at bigger families. My heart ached the first time I ever saw the picture of you and Edward on your nightstand Alice.I've always wanted a brother or sister."

She pensively put her finger on her lips and nodded slightly. "You know, he's not close to his parents either. They are nice, but not exactly...warm."

"Maybe that explains why he's so weird of being seen as your brother. You are his family. Being your brother binds him to you more than if you were just friends or even in a relationship,Alice. I think I get his concerns. I want to be adopted by the Cullen kids myself." She laughed, but the funniest thing was that she didn't realize I was dead serious.

"Well, why don't you just get adopted by my parents directly? They are coming to visit this weekend!"

00000000000000000000000000000000000

**EPOV**

The next week flew by quickly. Bella was basically missing in action. Between school, work, and trying to put a lineup together for her audition gig at Casey's in a couple of weeks, I was barely getting any time in with her. Which is why Thursday morning was quickly becoming my favorite day of the week.. Bella had a new policy in place post-frat party that we would have no in-bed snuggling sessions unless Alice was out of the dorm--on HER own accord, not by my design(Bella was still annoyed I had asked Jasper to keep Alice away so we could have some alone time). And Thursday morning was the one morning of the week where Alice headed out earlier than Bella. She left their room by 6:00 for an early morning spin class, and then headed to class right after. Bella didn't have class until nine. I waited for Alice to head out and then knocked on their door.

Bella mumbled out, " You left it open, Ali." I entered and quickly shut the door behind me.

"Edward?' Her surprise soon turned into a smile. "You are still in your jammies."

"Well, I'm going back to bed, why wouldn't I be?" I slipped off flip flops and threw back the covers to jump in. But I paused instead-taking a lingering peek at Bella in her camisole and boy shorts.

"Hey, this isn't a peep show, perv. Stop leering."

I smiled at her smugly. "Okay." And with that, I jumped into bed with dead weight, making her bed squeak loudly.

Wrapping my arms around her waist, I began nuzzling her hair. Her body was so warm, I knew I could drift back to sleep within minutes. "Mmmm..cozy," I murmured.

Suddenly, she froze. Her hands pushed me away and she tried to get up. My arms locked tighter around her waist. "Where do you think you are going?"

"Let go." I loosened my grip slightly.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

She threw her hand over her mouth. "I need to brush my teeth. Back off or I'll kick you." She attempted to climb over me, but she wasn't getting away that easy. I grabbed her again by the waist and quickly pinned her on her back, my body on top of hers.

"I don't care if you have morning breath. Kiss me."

She repositioned her hand over her mouth while her eyes betrayed disgust. "Ew, Edward, I know you were a freak in your former pre-bella life, but this is going too far. Get off, and let me brush my teeth!"

I shook my head with a huge smile. "Kiss. me. now." I put my nose down to her lips and inhaled deeply, just to freak her out more.

"EDWAARRRRR--!" Her mouth opened with her outburst and I went in for the kill. I threw my lips on hers quickly and then stuck my tongue out-mainly to stop her from closing her mouth. She slapped the side of my head-hard.

"Ow, what are you doing?" I looked at her stunned,rubbing my throbbing side.

"My first real kiss with you will NOT be with bad breath!" She tried to wiggle out from underneath me, her lips trapped shut.

"Oh, it's on now, Bella..." My legs clamped on either side of her hips, while I grabbed her wrists and threw them back behind her head.

"I will let you brush your teeth. AFTER you kiss me."I looked down at her squirming form beneath me mischievously. "I'll stay in this position until you give in-I don't mind at all, trust me."

She looked at me pleadingly, trying to talk without opening her lips. "Pease...Ewar..." I shook my head slowly and leaned back down towards her lips. And this time, she relented.

She finally let me kiss her properly. I didn't rush into the kiss-I started out carefully. I gave her soft pecks on the lips that made her giggle, as I knew they would. I pulled away slightly for a second just to look at her-I loved seeing her first thing in the morning, her eyelids still heavy, hair tousled, a lazy smile spreading over her face. My pause was met with a pleasant suprise-she suddenly lifted her head up and continued our kiss, her lips parted, ready to receive me.

I tried to take it slow for her-I wanted her to know this was special for me too. So I carefully let my tongue venture into new territory.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

Edward tenatively moved his tongue into my mouth. I swear, he thinks I'm fine china sometimes that will break on contact. I decided to mess with his head a little bit. Once his tongue was well into my mouth, my lips locked in around it. I began to move my head exaggeratedly in motion as I sucked up and down on his tongue. His eyes flashed open in shock but then eventually rolled back slightly into their sockets, and I couldn't cotinue-I broke the momentum and started laughing. He shook his head slightly and looked at me incredulously.

"Isabella Marie Swan. What the hell was that?"

"Oh, don't act like a blushing bride, Edward. That was just a reminder to let you know I may be a virgin but I'm not exactly frigid either. You don't have to handle me like a museum piece." He cracked up and quickly got back to business-and this time he moved in with much more assurance.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000

**EPOV**

"Don't go," I tried to grab on to her tightly so she wouldn't move. But it was in vain-I could tell she was resolved to get up. She only had 25 minutes to get to class.

"I would miss class right now if I could, but I have a paper due. I gotta go. And I really need to brush my teeth finally."

I smiled at her. "I like your morning breath. It reminds me of my grandma when she would suck on Sucrets while reading me stories."(a/n: Sucrets are these really medicinal smelling throat lozenges that tend to be a hit with older folks...)

She hit me on my chest and cracked up. "Oh my hell, Edward. Old person Sucret menthol breath is worse than halitosis! If I'd only known, I would have fought harder to get my teeth brushed!"

I squeezed her closer. " I think it's cute."

"Great. Nothing makes me feel sexier than being told I"m cute like a Sucret breathed grandma."

I laughed for a second and then quieted down. I had to ask her something. "So, my parents are coming in to visit."

She nodded. "Alice told me."

"Well, they wanted to meet some of our friends by taking them out to dinner, and I want you to come."

"Wow, I"m meeting the 'rents, huh? I'll see if I can get someone to cover my shift for a couple hours."

"There's just one thing though, I wanted to mention." I hoped she didn't take this the wrong way."I want them to know we are close, but not that we are together yet."

She looked at me with some confusion. "Why?"

I took a deep breath. "Bella, the last time I had a girlfriend and they met her, she ended up sending me to the emergency room like 5 days later."

She laughed. " Alice told me! With a La Crosse stick. I bet you totally deserved it."

"I probably did, but...my parents can be a little...suspicious of me when it comes to relationships now. I want them to see us together, see how good of friends we are, before telling them about us. Just so they understand better what we have. Otherwise, dinner will turn into an interrogation for both of us. And then the night will end with them pre-registering me at the local hospital and ER room probably."

She nodded like she understood. "Yeah, that makes sense I guess." She turned and looked me straight in the eye. "So, what is there to conceal about us exactly? I still don't even know what we are yet."

I pulled her below me on the mattress as I laid on top of her again. It was quickly becoming my favorite discussion position. "Do you even have to ask?"

"Well, I'm not one to be presumptious, you know..."

I smiled widely at her. "I know you aren't. So, let me do this officially. Isabella Marie Swan..."

"Uh, don't use that tone with a girl unless you are presenting her with some form of jewelry..."

I winked. "That will come in time. But for now, Isabella Marie Swan...

"What's with you always calling me by all three names?"

I ignored her. "Stop trying to distract me. Isabella Marie Swan--will you...go around with me?"

She burst out laughing and then looked at me innocently, "Go around where?"

I leaned back slightly, grabbed both her feet and hitched her legs up and over my hips. "Well, you can go around me like this for starters..."

"Ew, mind your manners-I may not have a La Crosse stick, but I've got a guitar that can send you to the ER just as easily."

I winced."Okay, okay... Isabella Marie Swan, will you be my girl?"

She sighed and smiled. "Yes. But only if you'll be my boo."

"Done deal."

00000000000000000000000000000000

**APOV**

"Ah, I'm never going to get this!" I had been practicing with Laurent for almost a week now, and I still had yet to make a "breakthrough" with the bass practice. Progress was coming along excruciatingly slow. And I someone who found patience a very overrated quality.

"You are doing great Alice, I'm not sure how much you expected to learn in just four days. The fact you can play three songs already is pretty impressive. You must be a pretty accomplished musician to pick up so effortlessly." He looked amused by my impatience. "Come on, it's getting late, I'll walk you home."

We got back to my building in no time flat, talking easily about music and how we weren't sure how things were going to fare for our "debut" in just a couple of weeks. Laurent was very interesting. On the one hand, he looked like a brooding rocker bad boy. But once you actually started talking to him, he had a real sly sense humor to him that was anything but brooding.

"Okay, Alice, see you tomorrow, same time. " He smiled and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before leaving for the parking lot.

I headed over to my car as well in the opposite direction. I rushed over to Cold Stone Creamery, picked up two waffle cones with vanilla ice cream that had fresh berries smashed into it, and headed over to Seamus' room back on campus. Seamus had been a indispensable this week when I told him what happened between Jasper and I. He had checked in on me every day and had even taken me bowling again to brighten my spirits. I wanted to do something in return to show him my gratitude. Emmett opened the door, and was more than happy to see my little surprise for both of them.

"Since you Kiwis have disrespected over-processed American ice cream too many times to count in front of me, I thought I needed to salvage my country's honor with some quality ice cream that even a New Zealander could appreciate."

They both dug into their ice cream and cleared off a bed for me to sit down on, but I couldn't stay. "I just wanted to come by and invite you two to dinner this Saturday. My mom and dad are coming to visit and would love to meet some of our friends and take them out to dinner. I'd love it if you'd both come."

They both heartily agreed and I gave Emmett a big hug before Seamus walked me back to my dorm. He devoured the ice cream while I took small bites of the waffle cone. We talked briefly about how he was doing. He was having a bit of a rough transition at that moment. There were some family problems he hadn't specified about going on at home and he felt helpless being so far away from them. Other things were bothering him too, I could tell, but he hadn't offered to share them yet.

"You know you can come talk to me anytime, right? If there's anything I can ever do for Seamus, you know I'm there for you."

"I know, Ali. I'll probably take you up on that offer sometime soon."I reached up and gave him a quick kiss, which he responded to in turn. It wasn't a long kiss. But it was sweet and comforting. And certainly tasty. "Yum, I need to get the ice cream with fresh fruit smashed in next time!" He laughed and gave me a quick hug before going back to his building.

I was heading towards my dorm's entrance when Jasper appeared out of thin air.

"Hey."

"Woah, Jas, you scared me!" I tried to retrieve my breath as he looked at me with narrowed eyes.

"Sorry. You are a hard person to get a hold of." He said it with a slight undertone of annoyance.

"Yeah, I've been busy today..."

"I'll say," he blurted out harshly. My look of surprise softened his tone though. "Sorry."

"What was that suppossed to mean?

"It means I've been waiting outside your building to get a second to talk to you alone, and within a two hour span of waiting, I've seen you have two dates with two guys who both kissed you goodnight."

I rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe he'd been hanging out long enough to see Laurent drop me off with a kiss and then Seamus do the same thing. It was actually kind of funny at the same time though. "Why are you hanging outside my dorm for hours like that, Jasper?" He looked embarrassed enough as it was, so I let it go. " And I never said WHAT I was busy with," I added with a sly smile.

"Busy fake enjoying Cold Stone waffle cones. You hate waffles."

"Well, I've been acquiring an appreciation of new tastes lately, what can I say."

His face fell noticeably with that flip pronouncement, so I tried to amend it slightly." And you know I can't have a Cherry Cheesecake shake with anyone but you. So, I didn't have a choice really but to broaden my Stone Cold horizons."

He didn't say anything in response, he just kept staring at me. "Well, Jasper, I have alot studying to do, so what did you need to get a hold of me for?"

His mouth twisted slightly before he continued. "Your mom called me today about us all going out to dinner on Saturday. I just don't know if you want me to go or not."

I thought quickly about what Bella said earlier in the week." Of course you should go, Jasper. That shouldn't even be a question whether you should go or not."

"I just thought you didn't want me to be around you right now, especially when it comes to your family."

"You are my family Jasper."

He let out a fustrated laugh. "No, you said yourself I wasn't your brother."

I looked at him incredulously. "Do I have to draw you a damn diagram explaining why I would say that to you Jasper? Like you haven't humiliated me enough this week, now I have take some graph paper out and draw you a clue..."

His face twisted. "I'm sorry Ali. I didn't come here to hurt you at all. But do you know how much it hurts me to hear you say I"m not your brother? Do you know how hard I have worked to earn that title with you, Alice?"

I looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean earn, Jas?"

"Just what I said, I've worked hard to earn that title of being your big brother. Edward never had to work for it-he never had to prove anything to you. You know how jealous I was of the fact that he had you for a sister and didn't even seem to think twice about it half the time when we were growing up?"

His eyes were so full of emotion, I didn't know how to respond. I instantly thought back through all the years with Jasper. How he had always been the "good son" in our family in many ways. How he had been the perfect big brother in many ways as well, while Edward had always been more like a squabbling twin brother to me. To look back now and to realize he was trying to earn his place in my family even though we had already accepted him as such, made me ache inside.

"Jas..."

He cut in. "Wait, Ali, let me finish. After all that work I put into earning a place as your big brother, someone who is suppossed to protect you and take care of you, do you think I would just throw it out the window because I want to make out with you? What kind of person do you take me for?"

Sometimes he was so dense, I wanted to slap him. "A person who needs to understand that I"m not 12 anymore, and how you take care of me will have a change as a result. You've been an amazing big brother to me-it's true. But that shouldn't be the only way you define our relationship Jasper. I think of you as a dear friend as well for instance, among other things. "I rolled my eyes." I"m a grown girl now with a good head on her shoulders who can take care of myself pretty well now. Geesus, Jasper, loosen up a little..."

He reached for my hand, eyes still burning into mine.

"Alice!" I looked behind me to see Seamus fast approaching. "You forgot your keys!" He held them up as he walked. I reflexively took my hand back from Jasper and he furrowed his eyebrows in response.

"Thanks, Seamus. I didn't even notice." He stopped right by my side and grinned at Jasper.

"Hey, I'm Seamus." He threw out his hand in a friendly manner and they shook hands. Always the gentleman.

"Jasper," he returned quietly.

"Nice to meet you. Alice has told me quite a bit about Edward and you."

Jasper nodded silently. Seamus gave me a quick glance and then tacked on, "Well, I better be going. See you around, Jasper."

Jasper continued to smile and nod uptightly."Yeah, I need to go too." He turned towards me."So, Saturday night is okay then?"

I nodded. "Yep. My parents wouldn't have it any other way."

Seamus' ears pricked up and asked innocently, "Oh, the dinner with your parents? What time is it again?" Jasper's head snapped in Seamus direction. I nodded.

"Oh, and Jasper, my mom said for us invite any friends we want along. So, feel free to." It was a message I was suppossed to relay to him from my mother; but after I had said it, I realized it could have implications with me saying it.

Jasper looked at me intently. "Do you want me to bring someone Alice?"

Both Jasper and Seamus were staring at me now. "Sure. I mean, if you want to, Jas."

He stared at Seamus and then nodded solemnly. "Okay."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**EsmePOV**

"Did you call the hotel to confirm the reservations," Carlisle asked as he buttoned up his pj top.

"Yes, everything's set. Edward will pick us up and take us to the hotel." Carlisle nodded.

We hadn't been planning to make a trip out to visit the kids so early. But something was going on with both of them that had raised our interest, and possibly a red flag or two. Alice had just gotten a concussion while surfing in cold ocean water. This is the same girl who had always preferred the pool to the ocean on all our tropical vacations because, quote unquote, "How can I hold my virgin Strawberry Daquiri if I have waves and seaweed coming at me over and over again?"

Alice had always wanted to follow in my foosteps to join the Kappa Delta sorority. Yet pledge week came and she decided she wasn't interested. Instead, she charged a bass on her credit card and told me she was joining a band with her roommate. The same roommate who wasn't interested in sororities and who was surfing alongside Alice the day of the accident.

And then there was Edward. He always gave us something to worry about, but it usually had to do with him being too carefree--whether it had to do with school, girls, or his credit line. But in the last month, he had gone from ecstatic about the new year to being closed off and brooding. Suddenly he was asking me to send him sheet music from home that he hadn't tried to tackle in years. And the requests kept coming as he conquered piece after piece in a short succession. When I asked Jasper to explain what was going on with Edward, he wouldn't divulge much. He would only tell me that "maybe" Edward was stuck on a girl.

Could it be the same girl that Alice said he had been stuck on in the beginning of the school year, yet Alice refused to elaborate on what she had said originally again when I inquired? The same girl that also happened to be her roomate?

I wasn't sure what was going on with my children, or why they seemed to have been acting so out of character lately. But I was sure of one thing: a girl named Bella seemed be the common denominator in every instance that had peaked my curiousity. And I was more than interested in finally meeting her in person this weekend.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000


	28. Devil With the Blue Dress

**Chapter 28: Devil In the Blue Dress**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews, ladies!**

**note: I may update one more time before I go on vacation, so that I can get the dinner scene in before I go. I have it in my head what could happen, so I may be able to write it down quickly tomorrow.**

**BPOV:**

"Rose, can you get me some napkins? That dumb ass over there spilled some beer on me."

Rose looked at the wet stain on my shirt. "Wow, what a coincidence, he accidentally spilled beer over BOTH nipples at the same time. Your headbeams are on."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for stating the obvious, Rose."

"Bella! Miss Beautiful Bella!" I turned around but already knew who that musical voice belonged to. Alice was making her way quickly to my side, while she dragged a woman along with her like a rag doll. She had beautiful caramel colored hair, fair skin, dainty features-in other words, she must be a Cullen. She was staring around the raucous setting with wide eyes, obviously overwhelmed by the noise and animated crowd assembled tonight. Behind her was a man who gave me a glimpse of what Edward would look like in 20 years-and it was a good glimpse indeed. He had similarly floppy hair, but it was shorter and a darker shade of blonde instead. His features were chiseled, just like like his son's. This must be Mr. Cullen. Their parents had flown in not even two hours ago.

I was so taken by their appearance I didn't even hear Alice at first. "Earth to Bella! This is my mom, Esme. Mom, this is my roommate, fashion iconclast, and my personal model for womahood-Bella Swan!"

"OH, I'm so sorry, it's very nice to meet you, I can't thank you enough for making babies so that Alice could be my roomie! She's amazing!" Esme tilted her head to the side slightly and gave me a curious look-that sounded completely stupid. I nervously grabbed her hand and started shaking it-only to realize I still had beer on my hand and arm. I let go quickly and saw her rubbing her fingers together.as she speedily looked me over from head to toe. Between the ho short shorts, low cut top, big hoops, and beer stained breasts, I'm sure it was every mother's nightmare to hear that I was their daughter's model for womanhood. I wanted to hide under a rock at that moment.

"Well, Bella, I"m glad to finally meet you. We've heard so much about you." She smiled politely. Too politely.

"And this is my dad, Carlisle."

I reflexively threw up my waitressing tray over my highbeams and Alice started laughing. "Nice to meet you Mr. Cullen." His smile was warm and genuine.

"Nice to finally meet you too, Bella."

Alice turned to me. "We were heading to the hotel and since Casey's is on the way there, I wanted them to meet you and see the place we are going to be playing at!" She had sworn her parents to secrecy about her being a part of the musical lineup, so they weren't able mention it to Edward or Jasper. But their spur of the moment decision to come visit their kids aligned exactly with the time they found out their baby girl had joined a band. And seeing the place that she was going to perform at could not be easing their nerves.

"Edward's in the car," Alice said out of the blue, giving me a knowing smile. Her mother glanced quickly over at Alice and caught the grin. She thought it was dumb we weren't coming out to her parents, but I thought Edward knew better than me how to ease his parents into thinking he was a reformed harlot.

"Oh, good, tell him hi for me." An awkward silent pause ensued, as I realized that sounded incredibly rehearsed.

Alice's eyes broadened and she looked over the to the bar. "OH--and one more thing--ROSE!" Alice had met Rose on several ocassions now and they got along famously. I didn't expect them to click-Alice seemed to represent everything Rose usually couldn't tolerate--a pretty little rich girl with no spending limit on her credit card who'd breezed into town for college and will breeze right back out once she's done. But in usual Cullen fashion, Alice charmed her almost instantly and could handle Rose's raw sense of humor effortlessly.

"ROSE!"

Rose turned around: "What the f do you want now, pixie!" Of course in Rosespeak, that was as endearing as she gets. But I still braced myself as I watched Alice's parents listen in on the exchange.

"I want you to come to dinner with us on Saturday-Bella told me you are off. My parents' treat!" She pointed over at them enthusiastically.

Rose cringed slightly when she saw her parents. "Oh, shit, sorry for the f-bomb. Sure. Uh, can I get a ride?" My mouth almost fell open-I couldn't get Rose to go out with Emmett for the life of me. And yet Alice asks casually to go out to dinner, and Rose is putty in her hands.

"Sure, hon!" Alice motioned back to her parents. "That's Bella's good friend, Rose. She'll be a very boisterous addition to the dinner party!" Esme was still staring at Rose as she nodded slowly.

Alice leaned in close to me and mouthed, "Emmett's coming too. In my car." We had been plotting for sometime now to figure out how to get those two together on a non-date...date.

I let out a small squee and we both did silent clapping hands together before Alice gave me a quick hug. "We'll see you later sweetie." I said good bye to Mr. and Mrs. Cullen and watched them head back out the door. I tried in vain to wipe off the stinky smell of beer off my arms and shirt. This was a classically Bella style, disastrous start to acquainting myself with my first boyfriend's parents. Oh wait, correction-my secret boyfriend's parents who have no idea I'm his girlfriend. Welcome to my world...

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**APOV**

"Okay, I'm ready Bella," I said, as I took one more look in the mirror. I had spent the last two days preparing for this night. I even got a mystic tan, a first! But the muted blue color of my dress demanded it--without tan skin I would have looked washed out. Bella had been studying while she waited for me to get ready and only now looked up to respond.

"Woah, Alice!" She put her hand over her mouth. "That's what you are wearing to dinner? It looks like you unraveled some giftwrapping ribbon and slapped it around you three or four times! "

I looked at her deflated. "What, you don't like it?"

Bella started giggling. "I totally love it! It's just that your father will most likely throw his jacket over you at first sight and take you straight home. But not before your cop-a-feel brother Jasper gropes you a couple times before crying out of guilt."

"Shut up, Bella. Now you are laying it on too thick." She was trying to ease my nerves. Ever since Jasper asked me if I wanted him to bring someone to dinner, and

I fliply told him sure, all the worst possible scenarios kept plaguing my thoughts. He was asking if he should bring anyone since I was obviously bringing Seamus. And I had a feeling he was going to have a female version of Seamus on his arm tonight. Someone just the opposite of me. Tall, with legs longer than my whole body, flowing hair, huge breasts, natural tan. Someone who would look like she was made for Jasper and his tall, built frame. I'd seen him date girls that "fit" him before, and they always made me feel like I was a pre-pubscent child. I wasn't taking any chances tonight. I had bought me the sexiest dress and heels I could find and was ready to hold my own.**(picture of her dress and shoes in the profile under chapter 28)**

"Dont' you want to dress up a little more, Bella?" I looked back at her. She looked adorable in her jeans and retro halter gingham top, but she was definitely trying to dress down after my parents saw her in her hoochie work outfit. She was never going to let me live that down.

"Nope, I know Rose is dressing casual and I don't want her to feel out of place. But I'm going to have a ball watching Jasper acting the fool tonight with you sitting straight across from him in that getup."

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

"Go get her, Bells." Alice was in the driver's seat, I was in the passenger seat, and Emmett and Seamus were in the back. Those boys sure cleaned up well-they told us they were wearing their "Sunday best" of white buttoned up shirts and ties with dress slacks. And they were smelling good on top of it. Seamus's eyes almost bugged out of his head when he saw Alice, and he still hadn't recovered when I was getting out of the car. He was peeking over the her driver's seat looking at her still.

I didn't even make it to her apartment before she came storming out.

She looked me up and down. "Why are you so dressed up?" I started laughing.

"If you think I'm dressed up, wait until you see Alice."

Rose stopped in her tracks. "Should I change?" She was in a casual pair of jeans and simple top.

"Rose, honestly, you could come out in a paper sack and you'd still look like a supermodel. Let's go."

As we closed in on the car and she saw Alice, Rose snorted. "Alice! You are dressed to go clubbing. When you said dinner, I was imagining us going to Chili's."

Rose looked down and then saw the boys in the back. She turned around. "Who the hell are they?" She asked supsiciously.

"Calm down, Alice is kinda dating the one by the window and I sorta double dated the one in the middle a couple times. They are totally sweet guys." I gave her an innocent look as I slipped into the passenger seat, leaving her nowhere to go but the backseat. She sighed at me and put her hands on her hips before trying to get in the back. I sneaked a peek over at Emmett, and he was staring at Rose intently. Alice gave me a quick wink to let me know she had noticed too.

Seamus, like clockwork, greeted her politely. "Hey, I'm Seamus. And this is Emmett." He extended his hand out to her, but Rose just looked at him warily. "Why are you two dressed up like those dorks I see on bikes and helmets all over town trying to give away free Bibles? Those scientologist guys."

Seamus and Emmett both looked at eachother and then started cracking up. "You mean Mormon missionaries I think, "Emmett answered between gasps of laughter." And we are Mormon. And we're missionaries at one time, and we're wearing our Sunday church clothes right now. Guilty as charged. That was a pretty good guess on your part."

Rose shot them narrowed eyes. "Well, don't try to sell me any bibles. I'm not interested."

"Okay, but I may try to slip a Book of Mormon in your purse when you aren't looking though."

Emmett gave her a sly smile, but she only rolled her eyes. She tried to fit into the backseat, but was unsuccessful.

"Oh, for hells' sake, I can't fit back here with these two giants in the back. Bella, let me share the front seat with you."

Before she could get out though, Emmett came to the rescue. "Here..." He paused for a second. "I'm sorry, what's your name?"

"Rose..." She said with untrusting eyes.

"Here, Rose, we'll make room for you." Without so much as a second thought, he threw his legs over onto Seamus and scooted some more onto his lap."There, if you angle yourself to the left, you should have more than enough room." Rose looked at him like he was an alien, but followed what he said silently. Alice and I burst out laughing when we saw Emmett curled into Seamus like he was. Alice wouldn't even start the car again until she got a picture of it on her phone. It only got better when we started driving. Everytime Alice turned right, in order to make sure he didn't lean into Rose, Emmett threw his arms around Seamus and Seamus would crack up.

"Alice, the steaks better be worth the price of having to hold Emmett in my lap like this!" I saw Rose actually break a smile in the backseat with that remark.

The conversation became quite easy and comfortable with all five of us on the way to the restaurant. Since we already brought up Mormon missions, I had asked Jasper and Emmett where they had been sent to to serve. Seamus had gone to Indonesia, while Emmett had gone to Ecuador. Emmett told several stories about his time in there. How he lived among very poor villagers and would be offered raw pieces of pig back skin, with hairs still poking out and dirty still present, for dinner. How many natives mistook his missionary suit to mean he was a CIA agent. How he almost died when he got Typhoid Fever.

Rose was listening intently and smiling openly. I had a hunch what was making her feel comfortable. I was watching closely how Emmett interacted with her. He was being very engaging, including her in the conversation, asking her questions. But he wasn't necessarily being partial to her. He was engaging all three of us girls equally and politely. Nor was he staring at her for too long at a time. If anything, he seemed slightly shy around her. And the kicker was how much effort he put into not leaning into her, and giving her her own personal space despite the crowded quarters in the backseat. He was being in effect, a gentleman. A phenomenon Rose wasn't that used to seeing night after night at our jobs. Especially a gentleman that looked like Emmett.

"Oh, lord, I haven't heard this song forever!" Alice turned up the volume at full blast...she looked over at me and sang..."Come over here..."

I started laughing. "You probably haven't heard it for forever because you were maybe 3 when it came out, silly!" It was the INXS's "I Need You Tonight."

We pulled into the parking lot with the song still blasting. Alice stopped in front of the valet parking. Edward and Jasper were hanging outside by the valet podium, waiting for us.

_"I need you tonight...Cause I'm not sleeping! There's something's something about you, boy--that makes me sweat!" _As Alice and I sang out that line, Alice pointed in the mirror towards Seamus. Seamus just stared back at her, his mouth slightly opened . I decided that dress was seriously going to cause trouble for Alice tonight. I turned to look at Jasper and Edward, and Edward was gawking at Emmett in the back seat. He raised an eyebrow toward me, and I shot him back a reassuring smile.

Alice leaned over. "Okay, I need you to do some recon work right now. Let me know how Jasper responds to my dress." And with that, she opened up her car door and swung her legs out as the valet driver came around to her side. The poor thing got a look at Alice's barely present dress and just stood there motionless for a couple seconds. On cue, Seamus got out quickly and gave her a hand to get out of the car. Seamus guided Alice around the car, keeping his hand on the small of her back protectively. Was that a glare he just gave the valet guy?

Jasper's expression when he saw Alice was almost embarrassing to watch. If I wasn't willed to watch his reaction, I would have looked away to leave him to his own private lustfest. Alice was working a sashay like no other I've ever seen and Jasper was drinking it all in. He didn't exactly give her a once over--he was keeping his eyes fixed on the contours of her dress. I had told her earlier it was the type of dress that makes you realize what someone must look like when they are naked(it was that form fitting and the material was thin enough to expose every nook and cranny), and that's what Jasper's look had stamped all over it. He wasn't even undressing her with his eyes-he was looking at her as if she had just dropped her last piece of clothing and was standing completely naked in front of him. Well, with the exception of stiletto heels.

But his reverie was short lived--Seamus was now greeting Edward and Jasper, his hand still fixed to Alice's back. Alice was leaning into his hold as well. Jasper's face quickly built up a wall--his eyes drained of any expression or emotion. All that was left was a smooth pool of serenity on his face. He was good.

I quickly got out as Edward came up to me and gave me a quick kiss. He brushed past my ear and whispered, "What is he doing here?" I knew he was talking about Emmett.

"Oh, Emmett? He's my date for tonight."

Edward looked at me incredulously.

"Hey, you didn't want your parents to catch onto us dating, right? So what better way to throw them off the scent than with a big heaping serving of Kiwi Shepard Pie?"

Edward's body tensed with that last figure of speech and I started giggling. I leaned in and whispered:

"Emmett's here cause we wanted to set him up with Rose from work." We both looked in their direction now. Emmett was trying to help Rose out of the car but she was holding her hand up as to signal she could get out on her own. It seemed like out of the closed environment of Alice's car, Rose's usual defensive demeanor was back on display and Emmett would have to start over from point A.

Edward snorted. "Good luck with that, Emmett." I slapped him on the shoulder. "Don't mock my matchmaking skills." Alice and Seamus walked into the restaurant, with Jasper lingering awkwardly behind them a couple steps.

"Who did Jasper bring to the dinner?"

Edward shook his head. "He said he didn't want to bring anyone. Which is sharp contrast to Alice, who seemed to pick up every stray off the street on her way here..." My heart sank. Between the dress and the heels and mystic tan and Seamus taking a prominent stance by Alice's side, this was going to be a long night for Jasper.

Edward honed in for another kiss as he put his arms around my waist. "Hey, no touching. I'm not your girl right now." I walked right past him and headed for the door.

He quickly caught up to me. "Are you mad?"

I shook my head. "No, but I am already nervous about meeting your parents and now on top of it I have to play Cloak and Dagger with you in front of your parents. It's a little much for my nerves."

"They've already met you, Bella. That's out of the way."

I stopped and turned toward him. "They met me when I was in my hoochie waitressing uniform with spilt cold beer all over my highbeamed nipples. That's hardly what I call a good first impression. Esme's suspicious of me already."

He raised his eyebrow. "No, she's not. She's going to love you." His head suddenly tilted." Wait...beer on your nipples? " I hated mentioning work-it always caused Edward to worry unnecessarily. I gave him a "don't ask" look.

He shook his head. " I swear, We're just going to Vegas one of these days and elope so you don't have to work anymore." He paused for a second and then added, " And then we could have sex."

My eyes looked up at him, and there wasn't even a hint of a smirk on his face. I cracked up. "Wow, Edward, that was such a romantic sentiment-you want to marry me so we can "do it" and so that I don't get beer on my nipples anymore."

He paused and smiled. "No, actually beer on your nipples would be fine as long as it was for me."

I scrunched my nose up at him. "If this is your attempt at talking dirty, please never talk dirty to me again. You just added another 2 years to my virginity shelf life with that remark." I pushed past him and headed for the door. "Now stay away from me, secret agent man. We have a relationship to conceal."

I walked through the restaurant and saw the table in the back. Seamus still had a hand on Alice while he was talking to her at the table, Alice was responding to Seamus just a little too enthusiastically(she must not know Jasper didn't bring a date yet), Jasper was staring at Alice, Emmett was staring at Rose, Rose was staring at her nails, not looking at anyone, Carlisle had his head buried in the menu, and Esme was watching with furrowed eyebrows all the goings on in front of her.

It occurred to me that the table before me played out like a romantic edition of the classic boardgame "Clue," full of intrigue and secrets to uncover. I felt like the game keeper, since I was the only one to know all the secrets at hand. Edward and Jasper didn't know Alice was in the band. Emmett and Rose had no idea they were actually on their first date together. Alice was in love with Jasper, and Jasper was in love with Alice. And yet there she was, flirting with Seamus, trying to make Jasper and his nonexistent date jealous. And then there was Edward and I, trying to act like we were just friends. Yet Edward had just kissed me on the neck quickly before he past me and gave me a wink. I was just waiting for Carlisle to yell out, "Did Jasper fall in love with Alice in the library with the Candlestick Holder?" But of course Carlisle wouldn't yell that out-he was trying to hide behind the menu still.

If anyone was going to get to the bottom of all the secrets, it was Esme. I watched her scan between Jasper, Alice and Seamus methodically, her wheels turning. And I wasn't looking forward to sitting down by Edward myself now, so that her gaze could next rest on me next. This dinner was going to be a night to remember for sure-and probably for all the wrong reasons.


	29. Professor Plum

**Chapter 29: Professor Plum Did It In the Conservatory with the Rope...**

**note: Okay, I realized that the dinner "chapter" is going to most likely be 2 chapters as I began writing it, so I wrote the first part right now before I head off to prep for Ha-wa-ii...:)**

**note: This chapter is a little "rough," so bear with me... **

**note: Esme may be coming off a "certain way" right now, but things aren't exactly what they seem. Later chapters will make that clear...lol**

**note: Thanks for all the lovely reviews ladies! You are guys are the best reviewers around! I adore you all so much, I just keep updating more and more...lol **

000000000000000

**BPOV**

Alice of course was in her element as the master of ceremonies.

"Since alot of us don't know one another, I thought it would be fun if we all went around the table, introduced ourselves, and then have someone at the table divulge an interesting tidbit of information that no one else knows about that person. Edward, why don't you divulge about our parents. I'll divulge about...Jasper. Seamus and Emmett can divulge about eachother. And ditto for Bella and Rose. Edward, you start."

Edward narrowed his eyes on his father. "Um, this is Carlisle and Esme. And one thing none of you know about them is that they met in high school at a debate competition. Mother won the competition, but Father got the digits afterwards, so everyone was a winner."

Edward's witty retelling of his parents' meet-cute garnered a round of laughter. I glanced at Edward and he started to wink at me--but I gave him a disapproving look. He played it off as if he had something in his eye instead as his mother's gaze was fixed upon us...Did he just call Carlisle "Father?" I thought only Charles Dickens characters used that term--like Tiny Tim

Esme spoke next. She gave me a quick appraising look before she got her "Clue" game on."This is Edward, and something none of you know about him is that when he still lived at home, he would pick roses from the garden for me every Sunday and put them in a vase on my nightstand before I woke up. When he's ready, he'll make a wonderful husband."

Wow. It was official-I was paranoid. It felt like that whole flower picking story was just to see how I would react. Like she was expecting me to show my hand of Clue cards by either sighing in his direction or slapping his shoulders for not having picked me flowers yet. I kept my eyes glued in the direction opposite of Edward as I mumbled politely, "Sweet." Esme's eyes narrowed, as if she had been expecting a different response. Two can play "Clue," Debate Queen. The introductions continued.

"Okay, This is Alice," Jasper started, "And Alice HATES waffle cones." My eyes flashed quickly at her-Jasper just took a swipe at Seamus. Well, maybe not a direct swipe at Seamus, but Seamus' waffle cone that Alice shared with him the other night. Alice told me how burned up Jasper had been that she was "fake enjoying" a waffle cone with Seamus."She only likes sugar cones with her ice cream." He casually glanced at Seamus while Alice's jaw dropped open slightly. Seamus simply looked confused.

"Well, this is Jasper," Alice continued," and sometimes Jasper has a hard time with his listening comprehension skills. For instance, I mentioned just the other night that I was acquiring a new appreciaton for ALL sorts of flavors. INCLUDING waffle cones." I looked to the right of me at Emmett and Rose, and we all started cracking up. Rose leaned in and mouthed, "what the hell is going on," but I just shook my head.

Rose seemed bored with the game already because she looked over at a very puzzled looking Esme and asked, "Ms. Cullen? Do you think it would be alright if I ordered some onion rings right now? I thought we were going to Chili's for some reason, and now I'm craving--"

"An Awesome Blossom?" Emmett finished for her_.(a/n: Chili's is a stateside, casual family restaurant franchise, and they have this onion ring plate knowns as the "Awesome Blossom."The restaurant they are at is like an upscale Steak and Seafood restaurant in contrast.)_

She cracked a miniscule grin. "Yeah." He smiled back like he had just answered the 64,000 dollar question.

"Of course, dear. In fact, I'll order some appetizers for everyone, I have a feeling this will be a multi-course dinner night."

Seamus eventually continued the introductions. "This is Emmett, and one thing you don't know about him is that he's been the "man" of the house since he was 11 years old when his father past, and is probably the best son and big brother to his 3 younger sisters you could ask for." Aww...Seamus was giving Rosalie Emmett's resume. I gave him a quick thumbs up sign and he nodded. All the females at the table let out a collective sigh.

"Thanks, bro," Emmett answered. "Well, this is Seamus, and one thing you may not know about him is while he was serving a church mission in Indonesia, he actually was kidnapped by some rebel forces for a stretch ." Yet another communal female gasp came into play. Even Rose joined in this time, while Carlisle finally looked engaged in the casual conversation. "Oh, and another thing--Seamus likes waffle AND sugar cones."

The whole table burst out in laughter--although Jasper's was completely forced. I clapped my hands in pure joy and Edward gave me a slightly pointed stare. I quickly stuck my tongue out at him and then smiled. He can be so touchy about the Kiwi dreamcakes...

Seamus shook his head. "It wasn't for a stretch-it was only three days. My missionary companion and me were released unharmed. We were just held for ransom." He shrugged his shoulders casually as if he just explained how he had gotten in stuck in traffic for a couple of hours. We all sat silent, staring at him incredulously. Alice's eyes were as big as saucers, obviously impressed that she not only picked a beautiful nonslutty man to smooch, but also a world traveler who had been freaking ransomed by "rebel forces," whatever that means.

"Wow," I finally broke the silence, "that's a hard act to follow, huh Rose?" She nodded with a smile.

"Okay...This is Rose, and something you wouldn't know about her is that even though she looks like a supermodel, she spends more time fixing cars in the garage with her brothers than she does flipping through fashion magazines." It was all the guys turns to "awww" together--she was like the ultimate woman--half sex kitten, half monster truck aficianado. I gave her a wink as she threw an onion ring in her mouth casually. Emmett was gazing at her onion ring filled mouth like she was a vision.

Rose wiped her hands of onion ring crumbs, and put her finger up for a second to allow her to swallow. "Okay, This is Bella, don't call her Isabella or she'll bite your head off. But the one thing I KNOW about Bella is that she is the comeback queen." I suddenly stiffened. I thought I knew where this was going, and it was NOT where I wanted it to go-especially in front of Esme and Carlisle.

"So, we work at that sports bar right? And we get all these disgusting drunk guys coming up to us and trying to get us to go home with them." I felt Edward grab my leg underneath the table, as if he knew I was bracing for something horrible to come out of her mouth about me." So anyways, Bella and I bet a dollar every night to see who gets the most disgusting pick up line. But lately we've also been betting a dollar to see which of us comes up with the best comeback line to the pickup lines we get. So, just a couple nights ago..."

Oh no. Oh, no, no, no, no...Not that comeback I did...please Rose, use your head...

"we both got really disgusting pick up lines tried out on us. But Bella won for worst pick up line AND best comeback. So here's the pick up line..."

I grabbed onto Edward's hand underneath the table, waiting for impact...

"Do you wash your panties in Windex? Because I can see myself in them." Rose started cracking up while everyone else let out polite but nervous laughter. "And this was Bella's comeback...Do you wash your genitals in flesh eating acid? Because the way your pants fit you, you look as smooth down there as a Ken Doll!" Rose started cracking up. "A Ken Doll! You should have seen his face! She sooo did not get a tip from that guy..." Jasper was laughing loudly, probably just to get back at me for cackling at the waffle comments. And Emmett burst out into laughter, but that's Emmett for you. Yet the rest of the table? Polite laughter all around, with the intent to just sweep the last minute of conversation under the rug and move on like it never happened. I was mortified.

"Hey, Alice...I think my wallet fell out of my purse in your car. Do you mind if I borrow you keys so I can check?" I had to get away for a couple of minutes--I could feel my cheeks going completely crimson at that moment.

Edward grabbed the keys from Alice. "Here, I'll go with you, Bella." I quickly got up from my chair and bolted towards the entrance. Once I got outside, I felt Edward wrap his arms around my waist. I could feel him laughing silently-his shoulders were moving and his chest was bumping into mine rhythmically. It only made me start cracking up as well as I wrapped my arms around his neck behind me.

Edward let out a loud chuckle before saying: "Let's just call it a night while we are ahead. Let's take Alice's car and just run away!"

I turned around. "Uh, I"m not ahead right now Edward. Your parents think I"m a Tourette-syndromed, low class, beer nippled hussy who's after their daisy picking son!"

He opened his jaw. "I don't pick daisies. I pick roses."

"Not that I would know either way..." I said with a sigh. "And out of that whole sentence, the only thing that worried you was that I thought you picked daisies??"

"Hey, you want flowers? I'll drown you in flowers, you'll see. You just have such a fit for even picking you up from work, it makes it intimidating to try to do anything for you, really Bella. You seem so resistant to receiving anything." He gave me a scolding look. " And I know my parents will love you. It's impossible not to." He bent down and gave me a quick kiss.

"Why did your description of giving me flowers sound so threatening? Good Lord, Mummy got flowers by her nightstand before she awoke--you threaten to drown me in them...So violent..." I shook my head at him.

He rolled his eyes. "No, really, Bella, I know my parents will leave on Sunday in love with you. Don't worry about these little things that you think they are going to judge you by. My parents are more perceptive than that."

"If they are so perceptive, why are we trying to trick them into thinking we aren't together?"

"We aren't tricking them, we are just delaying the announcement until they can see for themselves that I've changed, and you are...well, the reason I changed so easily." I smiled up at him and tip toed up for a kiss. I looked at him for a moment and started giggling.

"What," Edward asked.

"Seriously, Edward, you and I were like the biggest losers in the introduction game. Next to Rose who's all pretty and works on cars, I came off like a crude truck stop waitress who smacks alot of gum and doesn't wear underwear. And next to Seamus being kidnapped by rebel forces and Emmett raising his sisters, you sounded like a total dandy..." I changed my voice into what I imagined a dandy to sound like, "Mutha, oh mutha! Look at the pretty Poppies I've picked to put by your nightstand! Aren't they pretty little Poppies, Mutha!?"

He gave me a mock look of disgust and the lifted me up by the waist. "You know you and Alice are the only ones who can call me a Dandy without me retaliating?"

"How would you retaliate? By throwing Daisies at my head? Or drowning me with Poppies? Scarrrrrryy..." I jumped up and gave him another kiss before just staring at him for a second. "I kind of adore you, Edward. I mean I would have to adore you to sit through this dinner party from hell."

He cracked up. "We better go back in. But just to let you know-I adore you more. I know I do." He gave me a big hug.

As we started to head back in, I whispered, "Hey, let's try to use the words "waffle cone" as many times as possible for the next 15 minutes, just to watch Alice and Jasper get riled up again..." I started laughing. I loved when we were on the same side, working together in mischievous ways. He was the best co-conspirator in the world for me.

He stopped dead in his tracks though suddenly. "Hey, what was that all about though?" I suddenly realized he couldn't be a co-conspirator in this exercise--he wasn't supossed to know about Alice and Jasper's drama. I hated not being able to tell him everything.

I shrugged my shoulders. "He's your best friend and she's your sister. Ask them."

His stare got more intense. "Bella...what are you keeping from me?"

I gave him a quick but opened mouth kiss to distract him and whispered, "Oh, shut up and just say waffle cone. Boo." Nothing sounded more unnatural coming out of my mouth than "Boo--" which made me like to say it even more.

I grabbed his hand and we went back through the entrance doors. Edward and I sat back down and began looking at the menu like everyone else was.

The waiter came by and asked if we had any questions. Edward nodded his way and inquired, "I was wondering with the Porterhouse Steak, is there anyway I could get a side of waffle cone with it instead of the baked potato? But not sugar cone, I HATE sugar cone."

I didn't care if Debate Queen Esme was watching me or not at that moment. I looked at him with the biggest adoring puppy eyes around and let out an audible sigh. He responded with his ever dazzling smile. Nothing was dreamier than when Edward was being a conspiring smart ass with me. I made a fist and punched in the shoulder with a wink.

Edward grabbed his shoulder and faked like he was hurt. He smiled slyly and said, "Ow," but he said in a voice that begged for me to do it again. I shook my head as I laughed, realizing we were slowly showing Esme our hand, card by card as the minutes dragged on. And I didn't really care as I grabbed one of the onion rings Emmett and Rose were hoarding. It would simply mean one less secret to try to keep straight for the evening.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**a/n: Okay, the next chapter will deal with the rest of the dinner night-we barely got to the appetizers if you hadn't noticed, so there's plenty of time for everyone to "exhibit" some hot mess tendencies still!:) Well, except maybe Seamus and Emmett-I love making them these ultra masculine, nonplayer foils to Jasper and Edwards' metrosexual, sexual ways!lol**


	30. The Last Supper

**Chapter 30: The Last Supper**

**note: So, Hawaii was a BLAST but now I'm a little out of practice with writing, so be patient with me while I try to recover my writing chi! **

**note: Hawaii inspired me to think of a ministory for an AU, all human Twilight fanfic-check out my profile if you want to transplant Bella and Edward in Hawaii for a meet cute during summer vacation!lol The title is "She's Royal," after a great reggae song that was being played over and over again on the airwaves in Hawaii while I was driving around Oahu...I'm going to put it up later on tonight hopefully or possibly tomorrow morning if you need anything else to read...lol**

**note: Here's how I imagined the table set up: Carlisle(left) and Esme(right) on the ends of the table; the north side of the table left to right: empty chair, Seamus, Alice, Rose; the south side of the table left to right: Jasper, Edward, Bella, Emmett.**

**note: The last time we saw our hero and heroine, they were attempting to make it through a very awkwardly gathered dinner party...**

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

It had been a whole three minutes since either us had thrown "waffle cone" into the conversation at hand: Carlisle and Seamus were talking excitedly about the fact that they had both been working on the same relief effort in Indonesia after the 2007 Jakarta earthquake. Carlisle was there as a volunteer with Doctors Without Borders, while Seamus was there during his church mission. It was nice to finally see Carlisle go from a passive listener to an animated participant at the dinner party; however, it sure made it hard to drop the waffle bombs when measle outbreaks were being discussed.

Somehow it didn't deter Edward though. He cued me in that it was time for another drop when the word "politics" was spoken by Seamus.

"Speaking of politics, I'm not sure who I'm going to vote for this year for President." He gave me an encouraging glance.

"What are you not sure about, Edward?" I asked innocently.

"I"m not sure which candidate to trust--they both seem to** WAFFLE **on their campaign promises."

I let out an inappropriate yet gleeful whimper and then responded, "It's true. We've got a bunch of **CONE**heads running for office."

"Nice..." Edward said with a nodding smile.

Jasper shot us a murderous look, but then it softened into an sly smile.

Jas chimed in, "Well, don't count Hillary Clinton out of the race just yet. She still has Bill-he's a real...**LUCKY CHARM**..."

I gasped, partly out of joy for Jasper's sudden participation-- but also out of terror as Esme looked on.

Alice nodded threateningly. "Yep, that Bill is a regular four leaf...**CLOVER**..." The ice between Alice and Jasper melted for a brief second as they high fived eachother across the table.

And with that, the Waffle Cone bombing game ended. Edward and I had just got owned by Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlett and their implied threat to expose our matching lucky charm tattoos.

00000000000000000000000000000

**EsmePOV**

I watched on as Alice and Jasper tag teamed against Bella and Edward banter wise. Alice and Jasper had always been a team, with Edward always being the object of their ridicule. But the addition of Bella evened out the lopsided triangle into a perfect square. Edward's boldness while engaging Jasper and Alice was something I hadn't seen before.

But I didn't have time to ponder the dynamics before me--there were more people at the table being left out of the conversation than being included.

"So, Alice-- why don't you tell me how you met all your friends, since you were the only one to bring any tonight so far." Edward let out a quick smirk before letting his face smooth out peacefully.

"Well, Bella is my roomie of course. And we hit it off right away." She gave Bella a quick wink. "And I met Rose through Bella at her work. I met Emmett through Seamus, and I met Seamus through our mutual friend, Mihi." Alice leaned in and hugged Seamus' arm. He looked down in surprise, as if they weren't quite at that stage for such displays of affection. But it was a pleasant surprise if I went by his face. His eyes eventually looked up--and locked onto Jasper, who was staring back at Seamus intently. They held eachother's stare for a long moment--while Seamus' hand wrapped protectively around Alice's waist.

I looked over at Alice and Edward to see if they noticed what I had just witnessed too, but Alice was in the middle of addressing her father and Edward was glancing at Bella. Bella was the only other person at the table who flashed a look of recognition at the exchange between Seamus and Jasper.

"Alice," Bella interrupted. "Would you mind accompanying me to the powder room? Rose, come too, please." All three girls excused themselves as Bella huddled next to Alice and whispered something in her ear.

00000000000000000000000000000000000

**RPOV**

I felt like I was stuck at a family reunion of sorts. Which is bad enough when it's your own family--but completely unbearable when it's a bunch of strangers. I stood up with Alice and Bella as my escape away from the table; however, I excused myself from them when I saw the San Francisco 49ers and Seattle Seahawks playing over at the bar. I found a stool closest to the TV and sat down.

00000000000000000000000000000000000

**APOV**

"Alice! I told you that dress was going to get you in trouble tonight! Seamus' eyeballs may never fit back into their sockets again and poor Jasper is mumbling on about waffle cones like an old man with dementia." Bella was laughing as she leaned against the restroom tiled wall, but I could tell there was an undertone of apprehension mixed in with the humor.

I casually took out my powder compact and lipstick and began to reapply and dab. "Bella, you know my gameplan tonight. I'm not going down the way I have so many times before when it comes to Jasper. I'm not playing the martyr next to whatever airhead he brings along tonight. I'm going on the offensive." I turned around in front of the mirror and threw my head over my shoulders to make sure the dress was still hiding all my necessities in the back.

Bella looked at me increduluously. "Two questions for you, Ali. Number 1: Did you go over your offensive with Seamus at all?"

I paused for a second. "No...but he knows. He knows about Jasper and me already." I tried to sound confident, but even I could feel the wave of concern that was washing over my face.

"Alice, he knows about Jasper, but the lines are so blurred between you two already. You two may be confidantes with eachother. But you are also two very hot looking, kissing confidantes with hormones in perfect working order--"

I tried to reassure her. "Seamus and I have an understanding, he totally understands everything, Bella. Don't worry about it..."

Bella put her hand on my shoulder softly. "Alice, haven't you noticed how Seamus is looking at you, touching you tonight? It's...different. I don't..." She paused as she shook her head slowly..."I don't think he understands the gameplan."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**ESMEPOV**

The salads were being served, and half of the table was missing. The other half were still listening to the conversation Seamus and Carlisle restarted regarding Indonesia. Emmett however was the farthest from the discussion, sitting next to me at the other end of the table. I attempted to strike up a conversation.

"So, Emmett, I'm glad to finally meet you. Alice has spoken fondly of you ever since Seamus and you helped her out of the water after her accident."

He smiled sadly. "I"m sorry we weren't able to prevent the accident altogether. She is just so tiny and the wave came upon her so quickly..." He shook his head apologetically.

"Well, I'm just glad she had two capable young men to help her when she needed it."

"Seamus actually got her out of the water all by himself. I retrieved her surfboard and had Bella rode the board we were sharing all the way back to the shore by herself."

Edward's head turned the minute Bella's name was mentioned. It was a very slight turn that didn't gain attention from Emmett, but I could tell he was listening in intently now.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**APOV**

"And question number 2, Alice. Did you hear that Jasper isn't bringing anyone tonight?"

I looked at her, confused. "But there's an empty chair at the table by him. I thought she was just late."

Bella shook her head. "No, Alice. Edward told me he decided he didn't want to bring anyone."

I cursed under my breath.

"Jasper didn't bring anyone for you tonight. And I think that's why he is acting so weird. And Seamus is acting weird right back at him."

"What do you mean?"

Bella cringed slightly. "Well, you weren't watching, but after you explained how you two met and then you hugged his arm, Seamus and Jasper just stared at eachother for a good minute. And then Seamus put his arm around your waist, looking at Jasper the whole time. It wasn't even metaphorical whizzing, Alice. It was a straight out pissing match."

How did I miss all that? "No way!" My mouth was wide open at this point. "I had no idea.I've been trying to avoid looking at Jas the whole night."

Bella nodded at me. "That's why I made you come to the bathroom--Jasper looked so sad when Seamus did that and your mom was totally noticing the whole thing go down."

I had to rethink my gameplan. My gameplan revolved around the idea that some beautiful girl on Jasper's arm was going to drive me crazy if I didn't act first. And I did act swiftly-with the dress, and flirting with Seamus...

I looked at Bella. "Well, Jasper's done this to me a million times where he's been with a beautiful girl and I had to watch helplessly. Maybe it's good for him to get a taste of his own medicine."

Bella paused-I could tell she was trying to think of a nice way to disagree with me. "That's true, Alice. But it really depends on what you want out of tonight. Do you want to give Jasper a taste of his own medicine? Do you want to get closer to Seamus? Cause right now, that's where the train is heading..."

I shook my head slightly. That's not where I wanted the train to head at all, if I was being honest.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**ESMEPOV**

"Seamus actually got her out of the water all by himself. I retrieved her surfboard and had Bella ride the board we were sharing all the way back to the shore by herself."

Edward's head turned the minute Bella's name was mentioned. It was a very slight turn that didn't gain attention from Emmett, but I could tell he was listening in intently now.

"Bella was there, "I inquired.

"Yeah, Bella and I were sharing a board out in the water already when Alice was trying to paddle out to us."

I nodded as I watched Edward's eyes narrow slightly.

"So, did Bella escape accident free from her surfing lesson," I asked.

Emmett smiled. "Well, I like to think sharing a board together kept her safe. Both Bella and Alice are smaller girls. I was able to teach Bella much more effectively when I could maneuver her body directly instead of just instructing her side by side on seperate boards. She was a quick learner though, and a very enthusiastic student."

My eyebrow arched slightly as Edward gripped his hand into a fist. The girls were coming back now and I didn't have time to ask Emmett much else. But it seemed that I may have been wrong. Instead of Bella and Edward being in the middle of the start of "something," maybe Bella and Emmett were dating and Edward was simply interested from the sidelines.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

I had noticed that Rose had banished herself to the bar and was watching the football game. That was not acceptable in terms of getting in some quality Emmett time. So, I had a plan. I sat back down at the table and immediately leaned into Emmett's ear.

"Emmett, Rose is all alone at the bar. Could you keep her company?"

Emmett laughed silently and then leaned into my ear. Wow, was Esme watching my every move...

"Bella, I have a feeling Rose would prefer being left alone. I think I"ll just bother her if I approach her right now."

I sighed dramatically and picked up a spare shrimp cocktail. I leaned back into his ear. "Okay, this is how it's going down Emmett. Cause I like you and I like her and I like you two becoming friends even better. Rose loves shrimp. You are going to the bar, you are going to charm her the way you charm everyone, and then you will lure her back to the table with this shrimp cocktail. Don't let her have one bite of shrimp until she's back at this table though, you hear? These shrimp? They are your siren song, Pied Piper, to get her back to the table safely.Get to it!" I could see his shoulders moving with silent laughter as he nodded.

He leaned back towards me as he cracked up. "I will, but only because you are asking me, Bella. You know I can't say no to you." His whisper was a bit louder now as he laughed, so it was audible enough for both Esme on his right and Edward on my left to hear. He promptly left with the shrimp cocktail, leaving me to face Esme's penetrating stare...and Edward's puckered face.

He stood up quickly. "Bella, would you mind accompanying me to the powder room now?" He was clearly mocking my attempt to talk to Alice in private earlier, but it still made me laugh.

"Sure, Edward-do you need me to hold your purse for you?" His face was completely unresponsive, and I wondered if I had made one too many girly-man popshots at him tonight. I tried to backtrack.

"I mean man purse of course, Edward. Or "murse" as they call them. "They" being dandies. Wait, I didn't mean that..." Edward's eyes simply narrowed. Mama Cullen was looking at me with morbid interest. I tried to backtrack my backtrack--which of course meant I was only digging a deeper hole.

"I like murses though. I'd take a murse over those tacky fanny packs anyday...murses may be for dandies, but fanny packs are for guys with mullets and Oakley sunglasses and too tight jeans..."

Edward stood behind his mother, stomped his foot like a pouting 8 year old, put an index finger to his neck, and spliced it across his throat while mouthing, "Cut it!" I complied and followed him silently through the restaurant.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**RPOV**

"Hey, Rose." I looked slightly behind me, but already knew who it was. It wasn't like there were a million guys in the place with low New Zealand accents.

"Hey, " I said in an aloof tone. Maybe he'd get the hint-- I wasn't in the mood to make typical small talk with a guy I barely knew about my hair or the weather or my eyes or how long I'd lived here.

He didn't get the hint though. He plopped down on the stool next to me and held up a glass of shrimp cocktail.

"So, I've been sent to tell you that your salad is ready and waiting. And I was told to flash this shrimp cocktail in front of you as incentive to get you back to the table. But I was given strict instructions to not let you have even one bite of the shrimp until you made it back to our destination."

I glared at him. He began to laugh.

"I had a feeling that would be your reaction. So, I'll offer a compromise."

He smirked in my direction, and it almost annoyed me how good looking he was. But not quite.

"I have a feeling you aren't in a position to offer compromises," I said archly. "You seem as outside the loop as I am at that table."

He laughed openly and shook his head. "I was sent as a diplomat, so I have some leverage, trust me." He smiled at me for a moment before he continued. " What if I let you eat these shrimp here, offer their tails up as a sign that you won't be bullied, and relay to Bella that you are threatening to tell another pick up line story from work if she makes you sit back down at the table before the main course arrives."

I let out a laugh. "Tell her I'll tell TWO more pick up line stories--including the one about her having to be a pirate since she has such a bountiful booty!"

He cracked up. "Now that's some good leverage right there. So, my part of the compromise will be I'll get you out of coming back to the table until the main course, and I'll bring your salad back over here."

I narrowed my eyes. "And I'm assuming I have part in the compromise?"

"Of course. Your part is that you'll let me sit here with you while I eat my salad and you will answer any questions I have about American football if it comes up." He stared back towards the table. "I need a break from all the measle and waffle cone talk."

I snorted reflexively. "But what if I don't want to hold up my part of the compromise?" I stopped myself from saying anymore-it almost sounded like I was flirting with him.

He put up his index finger and whispered, "Watch this..." as he turned and started yelling, "Mrs. Cullen, she's over here--"

I slapped his shoulder. "Shhhh...okay, okay. Get the damn salads already. And don't be annoying, asking a bunch of questions that are unnecessary."

"Always the charmer," he said facetiously under his breath as he dipped the three prawns in sauce and threw them in front of my face. "Hurry up and bite them as jaggedly as possible. It will make your threat more ominous if the tails look all torn up."

This definitely wasn't the typical small talk I imagined when he first came up to the bar.

0000000000000000000000000000000000

**EPOV**

Bella was walking silently beside me as we headed to the restaurant entrance. She mumbled quietly, "Foot Stomper."

"Bella..." I let out a sigh as Emmett came upon us. He smiled in my direction and then looked back at Bella as he held up three shrimp tails.

"So, Rose took all the shrimp hostage and said she'll tell the you-must-be-a-pirate-since-you-have-such-a-bountiful-booty-pickup line story if you make her come back before the main course. She really wants to watch the game until then."

Bella rolled her eyes impatiently. "Fine, but go keep her company." Emmett nodded with a smirk and then headed back to the table.

Their Rose-focused conversation made me falter slightly with my intent, but I still took her outside to ask her. "Have you kissed Emmett before?"

She raised an eyebrow. "What makes you ask that?"

"Just something he mentioned at the dinner table right now. In a conversation with my mom about you."

She tightened her jaw. "Oh, great, what did Emmett pile onto your mother's reasons to hate me when she finds out I"m dating her daisy picking son?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, you did your part right now with all your mumbling about mullets and murses actually. And for the last time, I don't pick daisies."

She paused for a moment. "Edward, actually picking daisies sounds more butch. With daisies you can just pull on them with your bare hands. With roses, I'm imagining you with rose clippers and gardening gloves...a sun hat isn't far behind either..."

My jaw dropped. "You DID kiss him. You aren't answering the question-you are trying to distract me! How could you invite him to dinner and whisper with him all cozy like that in front of me?"

Bella looked at me like I was from Mars."No, no, no--I have never kissed Emmett. What did he say exactly to make you think that?"

I told her about how Emmett mentioned that they shared a surfboard on their date and how it made it easier to "maneuver" her body. How she was an "enthusiastic" student to his body maneuvering, and how intimate it sounded to be together alone on a lone board in the water. Bella stared at me for a good minute silently, and then burst out in laughter.

"Hey, if you heard how he made it sound like he was feeling you up on your shared surfboard out in the middle of the ocean, you'd understand my line of thinking, "I said indignantly.

"Silly Rabbit, Edward! I think what he said and what you heard were two different things. The whole time we shared a surfboard that day, he was listening to me drone on about everything that happened between us. He ended up giving me the best advice I could have gotten about someone like you." She gave me a warm smile, as she touched my cheek lightly with the back of her hand. "He told me to put faith in the person I knew you could be once I knew it was the right thing to do. It was the first time someone made me realize that if I always waited for the sure thing, I could miss out on some really beautiful opportunities."

She leaned up and gave me a sweet kiss on the lips. I let out a cautious smile. "So, nothing's happened between Emmett and you-physically?"

She shook her head. "Nothing except for him basically telling me to give you a chance. And me trying to get him to hang out with Rose."

I wrapped my arms around her waist and nuzzled her cheek. "Well, I guess I'll have to thank him then. Although I swear he made it sound you two were groping eachother in the middle of the Pacific Ocean-to my mother no less!"

She let out a huge laugh. "Please, he'd steer clear of this beer nippled hussy. Beer is to Mormons what garlic is to vampires!"

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**RPOV**

Emmett kept his eyes glued on the tv screen while he handed me my salad bowl. As he sat down, he unfolded a napkin and handed it to me. He continued to watch the game while he then unwrapped a straw from it's packaging, stuck it in a glass of water and pushed it to my side. I shot him a curious glance as I suddenly felt like a small child who was about to be spoonfed by Daddy.

"Are you going to to put a bib on me while you are at it?" It came out sounding bitchier than I meant it to, so I threw in a slight smile.

He shot me a sideways glance. "Was that a request, Rose? Because I'm sure I could put together a makeshift bib for you with one of those folded napkins over there." He motioned over to the nearest table with cloth napkins--but he motioned using his lips. They did a quick pucker in the direction he wanted me to look at, but my attention stayed on his lips. They were very full lips for someone so masculine looking. And soft too. Soft and full...

"Rose?" Emmett looked at me questioningly. I quickly glanced away from his mouth and settled on his eyes.

"Yeah?"

He let out a gentle laugh. "I just asked-well, teased-if you had any dribbling problems I needed to be aware of where a bib would be necessary for you."

I was back to my old self in no time with that remark-I shot him a glare. "You forgot one of the conditions of my compromise--you aren't suppossed to ask me any annoying, unnecessary questions."

A sly grin spread across his face. "You mean like asking me if I was going to put a bib on you as well?"

I made a face at him as he snickered. Things got quiet for a good stretch as we ate our salads and watched the game. He would occassionally ask me to explain something about the game itself, but otherwise he watched silently. That is, until after finishing his salad, he cracked up randomly.

"You should have seen Edward and Bella's faces when I showed them the shrimp tails you bit off. Edward said they looked like they had been devoured by Jaws."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, that sounds like Edward. Don't tell Bella, but I am not a fan. He hung out at my bar all last year and he acted like a smug douche. I don't get how those two even got together in the first place. They are a weird match. It's like watching John Tesh and Joan Jett date."(a/n: If you don't know who john tesh is, just image google him...lol)

Emmett laughed but tilted his head slightly in my direction. "People can change though, Rose. Even douches." He stared at me for a moment with a pursed smile, and then quickly directed his stare back to the TV screen while he continued. " And Bella would be a good motivator for change-she's a great girl.He seems nice enough now."

His eyes followed two waiters with full trays that stopped at our table. He jumped off his stool.

"That's our cue." He offered me his hand to get off the stool. I looked at him suspiciously.

"You do realize I'm only stepping down about 1 or 2 feet, right? You lay the gentlemanly act on a little thick there."

"It's not an act, it's how I was raised by my mother." He gave me a smile." And it was pounded it into my head further with three demanding little sisters."

I thought about it for a minute-he had a point. I grew up with all boys who weren't raised that way, so I wasn't used to such gestures unless they were accompanied by a request for my number. He kept his hand out for me to hold onto. I began to reach out to his hand with mine, but paused for a second. I felt silly grabbing onto him for something so unnecessary.

"It's okay, Rose."

I looked up quickly. I knew he meant that he wasn't taking advantage of the situation, but the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes seemed to convey something more.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**APOV**

I was watching Jasper watching Carlisle and Seamus continue their discussion. I had never seen my father take to someone so quickly; and by the look on Jasper's face, he hadn't either. I thought back to the conversation I had with Bella about Jasper feeling like he had to work hard to be considered a part of the family. It was true-Jasper was a cautious, introverted person. It took alot of effort for him to extend himself as much as he did with our family. And to see Seamus so effortlessly and charmingly extend himself must have struck Jasper. The only time he stopped watching them talk was when Seamus absentmindedly took my hand in his for a couple minutes. I could feel Jasper's stare boring into my hand.

"So, Jasper."

His head snapped up, and he looked at me guardedly. I leaned my head slightly in Edward and Bella's direction, and gave him a mischievous smile.

"How about we play around with Operation Lucky Charm a little more?" Jasper nodded eagerly as I gave him a wink. Seamus paused for a second and shot a quick glance my way.

"So, Mom...," I called out loudly, "what's your take on tattoos?" Jasper began to snicker.

Esme thought for a moment. "I'm a mother. What do you think my take is on it?" She tried to answer fliply, but she knew there was a point to my question.

Edward glanced over at me venomously as Jasper took over.

"Esme, do you think the decision to get a tattoo should be something you should put alot of thought and research into--or do you think it's one of those things you just need to allow the moment to overtake you?" Jasper put his fist under his chin thoughtfully for added effect and caused me to let out a stray giggle.

Esme's eyes narrowed. "Do you two have something to tell me?"

Bella was taking a bite of her steak when Esme asked that question, and she gasped while swallowing...resulting in her choking. She began to cough loudly as Edward began pounding her back while Emmett waited with a glass of water for her.

She eventually put her hand up to signal Edward to stop pounding, and then took a long drink of water.

"I'm sorry..." she continued coughing loudly," That uh...just went down the wrong way." Her eyes were tearing up and Edward was right there with a napkin dabbing the loose tears that were escaping. And then he did it. Right in front of all us.

He caught a stray tear running down her cheek with his finger. And then faster than you could almost imagine, he licked the tear off his finger and savored the flavor.

"Edward!" I screamed, mortified. He did the weirdest, most animalistic things when it came to Bella.

He gave me the most innocent look you could imagine. "What?"

Rose stepped in at this point. "You just sucked her tear off your finger," she said, looking at him like she was staring at a circus freak.

"No I didn't." He looked at Rose calmly and innocently as she shook her head.

"Yeah you did. You did it right in front of all of us." Rose looked at Emmett, who nodded reluctantly.

Bella just stared in amazement at Edward as my mom stood up.

"Bella dear, I was wondering if you could accompany me to the powder room now? You seem such a popular bathroom buddy choice with the rest of my family, I don't want to be left out."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

I gave a frantic, parting glance to Edward as I stood up to follow Esme. I had seen movies like this before--George of the Jungle came to mind in that moment. George was at a similarly nice dinner party when his love interest's rich yet ruthless mother attempted to bribe him out of seeing her daughter any longer. I couldn't help but imagine that Esme was about to write me out a check as well inside a bathroom stall to save her son from reducing himself to publicly sucking the teardrops of a beer nippled hussy. I took a deep breath as Esme opened up the bathroom door motioned for me to go in first.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**a/n: Yeah, Hillary conceded already, but let's pretend she hasn't yet...lol**


	31. The daisy picker fell 4 the Hussy

**Chapter 31: And So the Daisy Picking Son Fell In Love with the Beer Nippled Hussy**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews-I love them all!**

**note: I've gotten a number of pms with questions/concerns in the last several chapters, so I thought I'd address two common questions here:**

**1) ****Esme being too OOC here in terms of being a ball buster****: In Twilight, I think Esme is a loving, sweet mother. BUT she's also a mother bear too. When the Cullen family were at odds with how Edward should "deal" with the pesky Bella in "Twilight" post-saving-her-from-the-van, Alice/Carlisle wanted Edward not to kill Bella. Emmett/Jasper/Rose thought he should do her in. And Esme? Well, Esme took a VERY interesting stance. Her stance was for Edward to do whatever he "needed to" to stay. In other words, if he had to kill Bella to stay, so be it. In that sense, Esme is a mother bear- and she'll cut you if she has to so that her cubs stay safe!! Especially from beer nippled hussies who make her daisy picking son brood and play difficult piano compositions out of fustration!**

**2)****Why is Emmett of all people a OOC-ed Mormon Returned Missionary?lol**: **For several reasons plot-wise. But one big reason is that I wanted Jasper and Edward to encounter a viable threat for the attention of Bella and Alice, two girls who are virgins. What's more threatening to two slutty, la crosse playing dandies like J/E than virile yet virtuous church boys who play rugby?**

**And I made Emmett Mormon because there needed to be a concrete reason why he was still a virgin when he obviously could be getting some left and right.lol Religious reasons work best for understanding such a lifestyle choice in this day and age. Also, Rose's situation is such that she needs virile Emmett to not be a sexual threat. And lastly, I really don't see Emmett as some big horndog in the Twilight Series-that comes more from fanfictionland. He's mainly a big brotherly, family oriented figure who is loyal and protective, and can bring out the soft side in Rosalie. I'm emphasizing those parts of Emmett because they are needed to help the human Rose in this story, who doesn't have vampirehood to make her invulnerable to threats post-attack like vampire Rose.**

00000000000000000000000000

**BPOV:**

I walked into the bathroom first, wondering what Esme had in store for me. I had no idea how to read the woman-on one hand she raised these amazing children who loved her dearly. On the other hand, if I was being totally honest, the woman had been giving me the heebie jeebies all night, watching my every move--and not with the most generous of expressions.

Fortunately, this was a nice restaurant, so there was a little lounge area before you actually had to enter the restroom. I found a small couch to sit down on and Esme joined me.

"So, Bella," she said with an appraising eye, "do you have any idea why Edward is acting so strange tonight?"

Something snapped in me at that moment. I was sick of playing all the Cloak and Dagger games with the Cullens; most of all, I was sick of being evasive with Esme. I didn't feel like talking in innuendos anymore. "Ms. Cullen, I think that's a question you should ask your son, not me." I stared back at her squarely. For the first time since she got here, I didn't cower while making direct eye contact.

As if on cue, someone was knocking on the restroom door. "Mom, a word, please." It was Edward, and his voice sounded tense.

Esme was still processing my response when she startled at Edward's voice. She forced a smile on her face and politely said, "Just one moment, Bella."

Esme opened the door to leave, and I saw Edward's face briefly-he did not look pleased.

000000000000000000000000000000

**ESMEPOV**

Before the door even closed, Edward started in. "Mom, what are you doing?"

I stared at him for a moment before answering, trying to read his face. "I'm having a little chat with Alice's roommate in private. " I let that hang in the air for a second. Officially, that was all she was to him--his sister's roommate.

His lips pursed as he shifted his weight slightly backwards. "Well, if you saw the look on Bella's face when you told her to come with you, you'd realize why I'm asking. You are scaring her." His voice was full of concern as he eyed the closed door.

"Why would I scare her," I asked defensively. "Bella seems like a capable young woman who can handle a private chat with her roommate's mother." I tried to not smirk as I said that.

His eyes narrowed-he knew what I was doing. "Well, she's not just Alice's friend. She's mine too. I know you've been watching all night, Mom-you haven't been exactly subtle."

I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "Then the apple didn't fall too far from the tree then, did you?"

He was about to respond, but thought better of it. "Just be aware how you are coming off, okay? Cool it on the Jack Ryan-truth serum-interrogation style-- please?" He said "please," but his request had a commanding tone to it.

My mouth opened in surprise at his implications. "Where are you getting these ideas? Like I'm treating Bella with less than she deserve"

Edward raised an eyebrow. "Haven't you, Mom? At some point during your stay so far, haven't you? Even if you thought it wasn't noticeable?"

The door quickly opened with Bella's face peering through. "Okay, yes I was eavesdropping. And Edward-go sit back down and finish my steak. I saw you eyeing it. Don't touch my baked potato though. Or the side of chives and sour cream that came with it." Edward let out a low laugh, and I saw his eyes soften instantly.

"And your mom and I are going to have a pleasant, private chat--about my being Alice's roommate." Edward cracked up with that last tidbit, nodded knowingly, and headed back to the table.

I stared at Bella, a little surprised at how smoothly and humorously she neutralized the situation between Edward and I. She watched for a moment as Edward walked away. Bella then opened up the door more widely while stretching out her arm to make way for me: "Step into my office, Ms. Cullen."

0000000000000000000000000000000000

**RPOV**

After Esme ordered Bella to the bathroom, with Edward following in fast pursuit, Emmett took Esme's seat and leaned my way. He quietly inquired: "Why does this family keep running to the bathroom?"

I shrugged. "Maybe they have bladder control problems that require one another's help. It must be a family wide problem too since they all seem to have the bathroom buddy system down." Emmett cracked up as Alice turned my way.

"I can hear you, Ms. Hale. And no, the Cullens don't have bladder control problems. We have secret control problems, and a mother who is a fustrated private detective. This is what happens when your children leave home and your husband works late nights and you end up watching "CSI" by yourself four days out of the week. She watches all of them--CSI New York, CSI Miami, CSI Vegas, CSI Toledo...Now she see clues and unsolved mysteries everywhere."

Alice's father threw her a pointed look, but quickly got back to lathering praise all over Seamus. I gave Emmett a look to see if he noticed. He nodded.

"Seamus is pulling out all the stops down there, "he whispered wryly." I don't blame him-nothing's wrong with getting in good with the father."

The blonde guy at the other end of the table--his name started with a J--shot Emmett a look. Emmett caught it, as did I. Emmett looked at me in wonderment and then whispered: "I'm glad you were here tonight, Rose. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"You probably would have ended up being drafted as a new bathroom buddy recruit for Mr. Cullen," I said dryly.

"I heard that too, Ms. Hale! And so did my dad," Alice chirped.

00000000000000000000000000000000

**EDWARDPOV**

I sat back down at the table, and started picking at Bella's steak. I heard a soft snort, and saw Rosalie smirking at me smugly. She shot a raised eyebrow in Emmett's direction before letting into me.

"So, Edward, why is Bella getting in trouble with your mom when it was you who sucked up her tears?"

Everyone let out muffled chuckles-even my father. E Tu, Brutus?

"I didn't suck her tear. I don't know why you keep saying that. Maybe it was just from your field of vision that it looked that way. But I didn't." I chewed casually on Bella's steak, hoping I looked composed.

"Oh, shut up, Edward. Everyone saw your tongue flick out and snatch it the way a frog flicks out it's tongue for a fly. You are straight out of the Discovery Channel, you little freak," Alice added in between bites of her salad.

"And then you totally savored it!" Rosalie was laughing, and Alice was joining in now." What's next, are you going to sit behind Bella chimpanzee style during dessert to pick all the bugs out of her hair and savor those too? I'd love to hear Jeff Corwin do some commentary on you around Bella..." The whole table was in hysterics now, with Emmett slapping the table and my father trying to cover his disloyal chuckles behind his napkin.(a/n: Jeff Corwin is a popular wild animal show host here in the States with tv shows playing on various cable stations...)

I knew there was a reason I was never attracted to Rosalie at Casey's, even though every guy I knew wanted her. She always came off like a cold, smug person-I had no idea how Bella got along with her. But Bella got along with everyone, because she was warm and disarming. She was most likely disarming my mother at this very moment. I stared Rosalie down. "For the last time, I did NOT lick her tear off. The only reason anyone saw my tongue flick out...ALICE...was because it felt like there was a hair on the tip of my tongue and I was trying to shake it off..."

My father finally put his hand up. "Please son, stop while you are ahead." He was trying to compose himself, but having a hard time. "How about everyone leaves Edward alone now about the possible tear licking; and in turn, Edward can stop his fanciful reinterpretations of the infamous tongue flicking."

TRAITOR...

00000000000000000000000000000000

**ESMEPOV**

"Listen, Ms. Cullen--Esme. Can I be honest with you?"

I nodded, but wanted to get something out first. "Can I ask you something first though, Bella?"

"Shoot."

"Edward seemed very concerned right now how I was treating you. Do you feel I"m treating you in a way that's either dismissive or disrespectful?"

She hedged for a second and then nodded slightly. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. And I don't blame you exactly, but I feel like we've gotten off on the wrong foot."

I gestured for her to continue.

"Honestly, Esme--what was your first impression of me when you met me? That night in the sports bar in my waitressing getup?"

I paused for a second. My first impression wasn't exactly favorable. She laughed.

"I thought so. And I don't even blame you for that first impression either-because it's not the impression I'd want you to have of me frankly. Especially since I just recruited Alice to join the band and all. I wanted you to feel like she was in safe hands, and not worry more when you met me."

"Well, Bella, I know there's alot more to you than I've seen so far. I know that because both my children seem quite taken with you, and I have never seen them gravitate towards someone like this before-with the exception of Jasper." Bella laughed shyly. "And you see how that turned out. He's like our son now. So, I want you to know my first impression is not the only impression I'm making of you. I know there's more to you than..." I paused trying to find the right words...

"Than me looking like a beer chested hussy?"

My eyes widened with that description, but I couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, that's one way to put it, Bella."

000000000000000000000000000

**APOV**

I was getting it from both sides. And my father was mocking me for it.

On one side, there was Jasper. After our quick tag teaming of Bella and Edward over tattoos, which ended ever-so-successfully with Bella choking and Edward licking up Bella's tears, Jasper was ready for more mischief. He kept kicking me underneath the table to get my attention, while eyeing the rest of the table in terms of potential next victims. He was signaling my attention towards Seamus and his blantant shining up to my father-of course.

On the other side, there was Seamus. He was spending the majority of his time talking to my father, but had kept physical contact with me throughout the night--especially when my attention was turned towards Jasper. Touching my waist, grabbing my hand--he even put his hand on my knee several times. My vanity and hormones thrilled at his touch; my conscience, however, kept nudging me to realize this was getting complicated.

And even though from outward appearances, my father would have looked like any other dad at such a gathering(slightly out of the loop and not too concerned about that fact), I knew better. He had been watching both his children throughout the night, observing us while we interacted with all those gathered around the table. And the slight grin he threw my way let me know he could easily see what I had gotten myself into here with Jasper and Seamus. My father out of everyone in our family knew me best.

Carlisle's all knowing gaze made me panic. I quickly fumbled through my purse for something to distract myself with as I untangled my hand from Seamus'. I reached for my phone and checked for messages--that would kill a couple of minutes. When I flipped it open, I was surprised to find 4 straight messages from Laurent recently, the last being logged in not more than 5 minutes ago. My fingers hit the auto-dial-reply button.

"Hey, Laurent, I just saw your messages. What's up?" As I mentioned his name, both Jasper and Seamus turned in my direction. My father's grin grew with wicked amusement flickering from his eyes. I pouted in his direction for a slight second before listening in on the call.

"Hey, Alice. I"m glad you called back. Listen, I was wondering if you and Bella could make it to a show tonight. I invited Mike too, because they are great to watch live and it would be good for you guys to see. But more importantly, I think these guys may be willing to help us out with our first show next week." Laurent paused, and then let out a soft laugh. "Well, they'll be willing to help once they get a look at you and Bella. They are easily persuaded by beautiful women."

Jasper and Seamus shot me a glare simultaneously--they could hear everything Laurent was saying apparently. I put up a scolding finger towards my father before his grin turned into a full blown laugh as I quickly excused myself from the table. "Um, actually Laurent, Bella and I are having dinner with my parents right now. What time is the show, and where is it exactly?"

I was huddled by the restroom-lobby area now. "Actually, Alice, I told Mike he could get a ride with me and we'll be heading down to the club in about 45 minutes. Why don't we just swing by wherever you two are and we can pick you both up?"

An. escape. Laurent was actually giving me the perfect escape from this awkward situation I was finding myself in at the dinner table. "YES-Laurent. Great idea. Um, I'm at Maestro's--on the corner of Telegraph Rd. and Kanan?" He knew where that was.

"Perfect. We'll be there in about 45 minutes then. I'll ring you when we are in the front, okay?"

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**ESMEPOV**

"And when we asked him why his girlfriend hit him with a La Crosse stick at the ER room, he looked at me with the most innocent eyes and said, "I don't know, Mom. She just kept saying over and over again that I wasn't shutting off my dazzling switch like I'd promised!" Bella and I both let out muffled, guilt-ridden laughter. We both knew it was inappropriate to laugh at an attack that left Edward's head stitch laden. But it was a perfect example of what we had been talking about for the last several minutes:Edward's natural charm and how that worked for--and against--him.

While she spoke freely about herself, she would not elaborate on the nature of her relationship with Edward. All she would mention was that she saw him as a very close friend who had shown himself to be supportive and loyal. I had asked her about her school year so far, and she explained her heavy work load-both with school and jobs. I found out she was supporting herself.

"I can't stay in school on minimum wage jobs. I needed a job where the tips help bring up the hourly wage, and that's still barely cutting it with the other two jobs on top of it, " she said matter of factly. I felt a twinge of guilt in that moment, remembering how I looked her over in horror when we were introduced at her job. Edward had been right; I thought it wasn't noticeable, but I had been forming strong opinions of her in that moment. Perhaps those strong opinions had even lingered into my nonverbal communication with her tonight.

She explained how Alice and Edward were concerned about her walking home from her job, and how they picked her up every night she worked late. Bella also mentioned how both had found leads for her for better paying jobs. My heart swelled hearing these details-that my children were doing right by their friends. But there was something even more interesting at play here; having such very different personalities and temperments, it was interesting that both Edward and Alice seemed so drawn to Bella equally. They had only known her a little over a month, and they were both treating her like family.

Those details made it easy to segueway into the topic of Edward himself. I was interested on her opinions on him. Since Edward was a child, he had been able to charm the female persuasion effortlessly-whether the female was 8 or 88. It was a gift-but also a curse in my opinion. He was a naturally kind and sensitive person, and yet all the attention on his looks and charm made everything so easy for him. He was always getting away with murder; and it had been going on for so long, he didn't even realize that it wasn't normal to always get everything you want with so little application and effort.

"Honestly, Esme? My second impression was very good of Edward. My first impression though was that he was a little Don Juan who wielded that dangerous smile too indiscriminately among the poor female masses." She laughed as she seemed to recollect those impressions. "But the second impression? I found out he had a wicked sense of humor hidden underneath the Colgate smile." Bella grinned sheepishly at me. "So, I guess you aren't the only one with strong first impressions as well."

There was a knock at the door, and Bella jumped before getting up and opening it slightly. Her eyes lit up and she smiled brightly as a fork came through the door opening from a seemingly disemobided hand. On the end of the fork was a small scoop of baked potato on it. Bella opened her mouth to receive the offering--when she stopped abruptly. "Chives, please, " she said teasingly. An exaggerated sigh came from the other side of the door and the fork disappeared momentarily before returning with a couple chives on top. Bella finally took a bite, chewing it while trying to stifle a laugh.

"You want your Iced Tea, Mom?" Edward's voice called out from the other side of the door.

"No, Edward, we'll be out right now." I gave Bella a quick wink as she closed the door and shook her head while laughing.

I stood up and momentarily paused in front of Bella, putting my hand on her shoulder. "Bella, I just want to tell you this. I'm very glad Edward has you in his life in whatever capacity he does. I've never seen him so attentive and sensitive to a girl...friend like this, and you don't know how happy that makes me to see. To see him treat someone with so much care, finally. You are so different from any girl I've seen him with before, that at first I was a little confused. But after our little talk, everything makes sense. Perfect sense."

00000000000000000000000000000000

**RPOV**

Emmett and I were able to run back to the bar to see the last minutes of the game.

I had just gotten done explaining how much yardage was needed to get a first down when his head tilted slightly in my direction.

"So, do you like football a lot then, Rosalie?"

I nodded without looking away from the TV screen, thinking he was just making useless small talk.

"Do you like rugby?"

I looked upwards for a moment, trying to remember if I had even watched a rugby game. " I don't know. Rugby isn't exactly popular in the states."

He nodded silently for a moment. "Would you be interested in coming to a rugby match next week?"

He was watching the screen as he asked. I shrugged slightly, not wanting to commit to anything that sounded remotely like a date.

"I'm pretty busy next week."

"Hmm, okay."

The sodas we ordered came at that moment. I kept watching the screen, wondering if I had been too dismissive with Emmett. He made it hard to be my usual self honestly; he was so nice and genuine, I wasn't quite sure how to calibrate my normal behavior in response to him. I watched from the corner of my eye as he unwrapped my straw from it's wrapper yet again and sunk it into my glass. He then shot a quick glance my way, and caught me staring red handed. He gave me a reassuring wink and then passed me my drink before putting his attention back onto the game.

"See, I'll still unwrap your straw for you, even when you turn me down outright. I told you I was a real gentleman."

I didn't have time to gauge my response this time--a sheepish smile spread across my face before I realized it was even there.

000000000000000000000000000000

**APOV**

All traces of humor from my dad before I had left the table were gone now. In it's place were his searing glances around our side of the table between Jasper, Seamus, and me. The most searing glances of course were saved for his "little girl."

Seamus had come up behind me and was holding onto my waist when he leaned down to ask me if everything was alright while I was finishing up my call with Laurent.I was momentarily dazed by the close contact. I may have been in love with Jasper since I was 12, but Seamus can make me feel outright dizzy when he's touching me. I can't think straight. I tried to behave though. I stood upright, trying not to lean into him too much.

"I'm fine, Seamus." I gave him a perky smile. "I am going to have to leave early though. Bella and I are being "summoned" by Laurent to watch a band play to give us some inspiration for next week." I patted his shoulder in the most buddy like way possible. It didn't escape his notice. He leaned into me again, making me melt into the wall.

"Are you sure everything's okay?" His face was full of concern. He deserved an honest answer.

"Jasper... I mean, Seamus..." Ouch. He let out a slight grimace with my faux paus." Does our setup get confusing for you sometimes?" He looked slightly mortified by my statement, so I amended it slightly. " I know it gets confusing for me. And I just wanted to apologize if I've been all over the map tonight."

He nodded, backing away from me slightly. "It does get confusing. You get confusing." He let out a soft chuckle. "I"m confusing myself too. One minute I can see why you like Jasper so much, and the next minute I think he needs to step down for not taking more initiative with you. " He gave me a slow once over that was anything but returned missionary like. "How could he not take initiative tonight, of all nights?"

Seamus was leaning into me slowly, his full lips honing in on mine, when Jasper turned the corner and froze in his place. I froze too, looking at him, and Seamus looked up.

"Sorry..." Jasper mumbled as he turned abruptly and went back in the direction he came from.

"Jasper, wait..." I yelled out, pushing Seamus without a thought. But then I stopped in my tracks-the look on Seamus face startled me. He looked hurt and apalled at the same time.

30 minutes later, and it was still dreadfully awkward among all of us. Jasper wouldn't look anywhere but at Carlisle. Seamus continued speaking with my dad, but he was obviously distracted. And my father kept looking at me questioningly, as if he was asking me what I had done.

Laurent couldn't get here soon enough.

00000000000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

I knew Edward's mother meant it as a compliment, but her statement was rubbing me the wrong way: "_You are so different from any girl I've seen him with before, that at first I was a little confused."_

She didn't say I was different personality wise. It was my personality that made her UNconfused. It was more that I was different than any other girl she'd SEEN him with. As in looks. It reminded me of what James said the first day I met him after we got our tattoos. He basically said the same thing too, that I wasn't Edward's type. What WAS Edward's type then, if my very appearance was so baffling to mothers and frenemies of Edward's?

Alice rushed me when I got back to the table and explained the "situation" with Laurent. Edward didn't look happy about us leaving early, but he was at least resigned. He knew how much I had been worrying about us playing next week. Going with Laurent sounded fine by me, but I worried how we were suppossed to get Seamus, Emmett, and Rose home before Laurent arrived. Carlisle chimed in.

"Mother and I can take your car, Alice. I'd be happy to take Seamus and Emmett and Rose home for you, if they could give me directions back to the main highway."

Edward shook his head. "No, Dad. You don't know your way around here well enough. Jasper and I will take them home." Alice looked like she just swallowed a huge jawbreaker as I mentally cringed at the thought of Seamus and Jasper sharing the backseat. Okay, so I mentally cringed while I mentally giggled simultaneously. Edward leaned into me. "When is Laurent coming to pick you up?" I told him at any moment.

Without a moment's notice, he grabbed my arm and started leading me away from the table. Again. He called out fliply, "Bella, I left my purse in the bathroom. Will you join me to retrieve it?" He gave his mother a quick wink as he rushed off with me to the hall near the lobby restrooms again. His arms wrapped around my waist quickly as he pushed me into the wall.

"Can I meet up with you wherever you guys are going?" I wanted him to; but Alice still didn't want him to know she was in the lineup still, so I had to discourage it. I told him that I'd try to cut the evening short and have him pick me up if it wasn't too late.

I knew it wasn't the right time for this conversation, but I had to ask him. "Edward, why is it that a good number of people have acted like I"m so different from your normal type, looks wise? Did you really have a type before me?"

He was slightly taken aback by my inquiry and thought for a second. "You are different from any girl I've dated. That's true. There aren't any other girls like you, or else I would have been drawn to them too." Mr. Charmer wasn't getting off that easily.

"HOW am I different though, Edward?"

He looked at me suspiciously. "Did my mom say something weird to you?"

"No, not at all. But everyone seems so surprised by us together, that it does make me wonder what kind of girls you liked before me."

Edward narrowed his eyes slightly as he pulled me closer. "Well, here's the thing Bella. We met because you are rooming with Alice. Otherwise, our paths probably wouldn't have crossed. You probably would have been hanging out with the Laurents of the campus in the music scene. And I would still be in my little social bubble world too. And in my social circles, the girls are probably more...conventional looking than you."

Conventional. "As in conventionally pretty?"

He let out a laugh. "Stop putting words in my mouth, Bella. Conventional in the sense they aren't as... edgey looking as you. You are classically beautiful, Bella. But the way you present yourself is not conventional. And I love that about you. You are different and unique, in every way. You are my exact type. I just hadn't met my type until you."

I looked at him like I thought he was giving me a line.

"You know it's true, Bella. You think I go around licking up every girl's tears like that in front of my mother?"

I started laughing. "Yeah, what was that about, Edward?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I have NO idea. Honestly. I just saw it on my finger, and...I wanted to taste you. I forgot anyone was watching."

I cringed. "Yikes, Edward. That just added another year to my virginity shelf life..."

He laughed and lowly-so lowly I wasn't sure it was meant for my ears-he mumbled, "Not if I can help it..."

His face suddenly fixed over in the table's direction. "Crap, Alice just got a call. I bet it's Laurent."

Randomly, Edward stretched out his T-shirt, pushed my head down, and threw me underneath his shirt. Suddenly my nose was shoved against the valley in between his pec muscles-and it asn't a bad view. At all. "I'm not letting you go yet. You just hide here for awhile..."

I started laughing as I tried to rearrange my position-his t-shirt was fitted snug enough that there was little room for manuevering. I stopped for a second, enjoying the surroundings. He had a very nice chest. It wasn't He-Man-ish like Emmett's, but it was incredibly cut and lean. Between the sights and the fresh scent of his skin. I indulged myself for a moment, nuzzling the side of his pec and giving it a quick kiss. His body stiffened-but his hands grabbed my waist tighter as he pulled me in closer.

"What are you doing under there, Ms. Swan," He asked facetiously.

"Oh, don't try to play the innocent Daisy Picking Son now after telling me how you want to taste a beer nippled hussy like myself," I muttered, refusing to give up the moment his chest and I were sharing.

"And so the Daisy Picking Son fell in love with the Beer Nippled Hussy," he sighed teasingly.

"Stupid Beer Nippled Hussy," I said dramatically, as I honed in on his pec's left nipple and gave it a quick lick flick.

"Hey," he said as he squirmed with a surprised chuckle, "don't start anything you can't finish, love."

I gave his nipple another quick lick before adding, "You've called me a tease countless times before. Of course I'm starting something I have no intention of finishing..."

0000000000000000000000000000

**ESMEPOV**

"Ew, Mom, go stop him! He's going to suffocate poor Bella."

The whole table was watching on now as Edward threw Bella underneath his shirt and her head was moving quickly as if she was trying to free herself.

"They are just playing dear- Edward's laughing, " I reassured.

Rosalie looked back. "He actually just trumped picking bugs out of her hair with that move. Jeff Corwin would probably be at a loss for words."

00000000000000000000000000000


	32. Scratches All Down My Back

**chapter 32: Scratches All Down My Back**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews, ladies!**

**note: So, this Buckcherry song figures into the chapter-if you want to hear the dirty sailor ditty that Bella is prompted to sing, check out my profile for the youtube link. It's a dirty song, which is why I picked it. It's suppossed to sorta bring about some unspoken tensions between Bella and Edward to the surface.**

**ESMEPOV**

"Good night, sweetie. Come by tomorrow as early as you can." I gave Edward a quick kiss before he closed the car door.

We were heading out of the parking lot in Alice's car when I noticed Carlisle's shoulders moving back and forth, just slightly. But quickly.

"What the hell just happened in there," he said before breaking out in laughter.

I couldn't keep it in any longer either. "I have no idea. Other than our children have lost their minds." Our laughter only got louder.

"They have lost their minds. Or else they are in love." Carlisle's face straightened up slightly, but his smile stayed put.

"I think they've lost their minds because they are in love, " I clarified.

He nodded. "Bella seems to keep him on his toes."

"I think he's finally met his match. She's...different." A sly smile slipped out as I thought about our odd but entertaining bathroom chat.

"I like her. I like her for Edward," Carlisle replied simply. "But Alice..." His tone grew noticeably more sober.

I looked at him curiously. "What do you mean, _but Alice_?"

He shook his head. That head shaking was reserved exclusively for Edward and his frequent misadventures. Never for Alice. She was the apple of Carlisle's eye, and a model daughter for both of us throughout the years.

"Don't you like Seamus, " I asked.

Carlisle stopped at a red light and looked me square in the eyes. "That's the problem. I do."

It was true. Seamus seemed like an impressive young man who cared for our daughter. And Alice seemed as in love with Jasper as ever.

00000000000000000000

**RPOV**

"Turn right on the next street," I mumbled. The awkward silence in the car was a relief after the weird exchanges going on between the two sets of boys in the car. Emphasis on the word boys-at least on the preppy end. Emmett tried to make some casual conversation to lighten the mood when we got in, and Edward half heartedly tried to converse with him. But there was a strain there for some reason coming from Edward's end that I could detect.

The real tension, however, came between Seamus and Jasper of course. Neither of them uttered a word at all; however, Jasper kept giving him hard glances from the rearview mirror at times. Seamus would stare right back.

"Right here," I said. Jasper parked, and I got out of the car as quickly as I could.

"Here, let me walk you to your door," Emmett said as he followed me.

I was about to protest when he added, "that was a statement of fact, not a request."

We walked silently to my apartment. I was having trouble with my lock on the front door-yet again. I started jiggling the whole lock vigorously to try to make it work. Emmett stopped me, and then looked over actual doorknob itself.

"This lock and door knob are busted, Rose. It could be picked without any tools even--I could shake it off with my hands." He started looking around purposefully. "Where's your landlord's apartment?"

I laughed out loud. "Yeah, right. I can't even get him to fix my water heater-he's not going to care about a door knob at 9:00 at night."

I examined the door knob myself--he was right. The lock was useless. But I was a big girl--I could replace it myself in the morning. I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay in my apartment though for the night. Maybe I'd head home instead.

"Just point me in the direction of your landlord's apartment. I'm sure they have extra doorknobs and locks somewhere."

"Trust me, Emmett, he is a crappy landlord. He's not going to even answer the door for you, let alone help us."

Emmett gave me a sly smile. "Want to make a bet?"

0000000000000000000000

**EPOV**

Emmett had been gone for over 20 minutes now, and I was getting impatient. Jasper and Seamus were both being unusually quiet, which only seemed to make time drag on that much more. Bella was probably at the club now, and I wish she would have been comfortable with me joining her. But she wasn't for some reason, and I wished I knew why.

Seamus cleared his throat finally. "Listen, Alice and Bella were heading to that club. And I was just wondering if you guys were going to meet up with them later." He looked in Jasper's direction. "I actually hope you do." He was trying to communicate something silently to Jasper with that last sentence.

I turned around. "I don't think Bella wanted anyone to meet up with them actually.It's a roommate's night out apparently."

Seamus' eyebrows furrowed with seeming concern. "It's just that Alice was dressed so..." he paused. Jasper turned aroud now and stared at him. "...beautifully and I've heard how that club is a little rowdy..."

Jasper cocked his head to the side. "What club are they at?"

'That guy mentioned the "Opium Den" on the phone."

Great. My girl was at the Opium Den right now. With one guy who's had a crush on her since high school, and another who seemws to watch her too intently when she was around him. Around him and his shirtless nipple rings. Why couldn't she have a normal, less complicated hobby like scrapbooking? But I had to remember-I'm the one who started all these things in motion so that she could work less. I needed to keep that in mind, so I didn't let my more selfish desires obscure what was at stake for her.

Jasper interrupted my thoughts. "Well, Seamus, I'm sure Alice and Bella will be careful. They are grown women, they don't need us looking after them constantly." That didn't sound like Jasper at all. He was always more protective than I was when it came to Alice, to the point of coddling her.

Seamus looked back at Jasper with resignation. "Well, I'll go check on Emmett."

He got out of the car, and I wanted some reassurance in Jasper's reasoning. "Do you think they will be careful? Sometimes I worry they are too trusting."

Jasper threw me an incredulous look. "Are you kidding me? They are 18 years old-of course they are too trusting! We are heading over there as soon as we drop everyone off. I just didn't want Baby Huey to get wind of the plan and try to come along."

000000000000000000000

**RPOV**

Emmett was installing the door knob for me, even though I insisted I could do it myself.

"It's actually annoying me that you insist on doing this. I grew up with three brothers and a mechanic father, Emmett. I've learned how to handle a screwdriver in my time."

He peered up at me from the side of the door as he was finishing up. "Without my insistence, would you even have this door knob?"

He had a point. My landlord opened up the door with a face that said "afterhours-don't even think about it." He ignored my firm requests for a new doorknob. However, when Emmett casually walked into his apartment, closed the door in my face for a couple of minutes, and talked to him in very low but authoritative whispers, the landlord's attitude took a 180 degree turn. He walked out promptly, and scurried to the maintenance room to find us what we needed. I gave Emmett an inquiring look-but all he did was glance back at me with innocent eyes. Too innocent now that I come to think about it.

"That's another thing that annoyed me. He dismissed me but totally kissed up to you. It's not fair."

He shrugged his shoulders as he tested the door knob one last time. "He kissed up to me, huh? Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, Rose. I realize you are going through an awkward stage right now beauty wise, but cheer up. I'm sure you are going to blossom into a pretty young lady someday." I rolled my eyes as he let out a small laugh." This lock will work right now." He handed me my screwdriver and smiled.

"Well, thanks Emmett, " I muttered.

"Anytime, Rose." He gave me a gentle hug, but the hug was over before I had time to react to it. "Sweet dreams."

He smiled one more time before letting himself out quickly. From the other side of the door he yelled out, "Oh, and your landlord promised me to have a new water heater installed by Tuesday. Let me know if he doesn't follow through on that."

I didn't even have time to say good-bye before he walked off into the night. I liked that he didn't wait for a reaction from me about getting the landlord to replace my water heater. If he had waited for a reaction, I would have thought it was an empty gesture. The fact that he didn't ask me out to the rugby game again was pleasant surprise as well. Although I almost wished he had asked me again. Almost.

000000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

Alice stared at me wide eyed. "They are amazing!" Talkback's set was almost over, but it had gone by quickly. The time breezed by because their show was so eclectic and entertaining. The band was made up of a variety of people-a guy who could be pegged as an "Emo rocker," a girl who could be pegged as a "Jill Scott" type of chantuese, an older gentleman who you could imagine playing at a jazz club, a younger guy who looked like your average rocker, a drummer who looked like he could be a member of the "Roots." And yet together, they made up a seamlessly yet diverse musical set.

Their set included both originals and covers. And with all the covers of songs, they took a different musical direction than the original. What was once a rock song was now getting a funk-soul treatment. What was once a rap song was getting a hard rock treatment. I instantly understood why Laurent wanted us greenies to see them. We needed more mojo and originality in our opening set, or else we would be as boring as the Def Leppard cover band whose spot we were replacing. Laurent raised an eyebrow at me to gauge my reaction--I nodded back to let him know I understood.

After the show was through, the club closed soon after. It was just us and the band Talkback now near the stage as the club was quickly losing it's patrons. Laurent was close friends with several of the members, and they had offered to help us figure out how to tighten up our first performance.

Niles, the older man of the group, looked over our playlist. Then he eyed Mike, Alice, and me over thoughtfully. "And what's the crowd you playing for, Laurent?"

"It's at Casey Moran's--a midweek night crowd draw. It targets frat and college happy hour types."

Niles nodded. 'Well, that's easy then. This list of songs is all wrong for your audience. The list is too kitschy and dated."

My heart sank as he said that. I had a feeling deep down when Casey handed me a set list of the types of songs she wanted, that I didn't think the choice of music was quite right.

Niles looked at Alice and I. "It's really easy to get the right list for your audience. You just need better songs. You got two sexy girls fronting your band and you guys are wasting time with this song list?"

Laurent laughed. "Yeah, this is the list the restaurant owner wanted though."

Niles looked at him. "The same owner who had a Def Leppard cover band right?" He shook his head while we all laughed. "Here's what we are going to do, Laurent. I want to hear what these girls have to work with musically, and then we can go from there. Posh Spice, you are up first."

Alice looked at me, her eyes full of fright. She spoke up. "Excuse me, but I wasn't planning on singing. I don't have a really strong voice."

Niles interrupted her: "If you hadn't noticed, Britney Spears doesn't have a strong voice either and that didn't stop her from singing. What type of music do you like, Posh?"

Alice thought for a second. "I'm embarrassed to say cause you guys are all serious musicians. But I like top 40 pop, some alternative music, r/b, hip hop..."

Niles nodded encouragingly while I threw out, "Alice knows every rap lyric known to man by the way..." She hit me with a "I'm going to kill you" look as I laughed at her.

Niles looked my way. "Then she can be your band's resident riotgirl and rapper. Riot girls and rappers don't have to have the strongest voices in the room-just alot of personality. Alice, sing one of your favorite angsty alternative songs."

Alice froze for a second, but was eventually coaxed into singing her favorite Paramore song acappella. Everyone clapped for her and Niles complimented her voice. They got her to sing one more song before she finally let loose and rapped her favorite hip hop song. Niles got a kick out of that especially and began to talk to Laurent and me.

"Now Bella and Laurent, you've got alot of potential here with Alice. She's adorable, and she can carry a tune as long as it's in her normal register. The frat boys are going to lose their minds over her." Laurent and I nodded enthusiastically, when Niles let me know it was my turn.

I got up to the mic trying to muster all my bravado that I could. But once I got up there while staring back at such truly talented and accomplished musicians, I felt like the Emperor with No Clothes On.

"Now, Bella, what's your type of music."

I fell over my words. "Um...I like rock, but usually gravitate toward older rock, maybe like 80's and 90's stuff. Um...and I uh...like soul and funk too. I love Prince. And Nikka Costa. And I look up to Bonnie Raitt and Jill Scott vocally..."

Niles nodded approvingly. "Okay, let's hear you sing something then."

I thought for a moment, and decided to sing something that challenged my voice more than Joan Jett for once. I felt like my reputation was on the line here, so I belted out an acapella version of "Take Another Piece of My Heart" by Janis Joplin. Once I was through with the first verse and chorus, I stopped, looking at them all nervously.

A round of applause rang out loudly, as Niles hooted. "Bella, you've got strong voice and presence up there. I wasn't expecting that from the way you acted offstage." He nodded at me with a smile and then whispered something to Laurent. Laurent nodded back and I could see him mouth, "I told you."

I jumped back down and Niles started in. "Bella, you are going to be the rock star of the group. I was telling Laurent here that I can see you singing rock songs that are traditionally sung by men. But with you singing them, the frat boys are going go crazy. You can pull of some funk too with that voice of yours. Nikka Costa would be a good pick for you song wise. " He gave me a wink while Laurent laughed.

Niles now talked to all of us. "Mike, you are the drummer, so you don't need to do much but look cool." He eyed him for a second. "Which means less gel and lose the hard spikes on your head, okay?" Mike nodded sheepishly.

"And what I'm thinking is that Laurent, Bella, and Alice trade off singing the songs. But Bella be the main vocalist. Laurent's got a great voice, he can give your band some male energy that will attract the sorority girls. They can't be left out you know."

Before we knew it, Niles and the other band members were fast at work helping us come up with a new playlist with songs the Talkback band members already knew. It was exciting and scary--we had less than one week to pull it off, and it didn't seem possible to learn a new set. Laurent explained this to them, but Niles said first things first reassuringly. It was clear that Laurent and Niles were very close, and that Niles wanted to help him out.

Alice, Laurent, and I were eventually given our own possible song lists. I had to admit-mine was eclectic and random--and awesome. The list included everything from Aerosmith to Buckcherry to Nikka Costa. Alice's list was equally diverse in terms of possibilities.

"Okay, Scary Spice, you are up first. You know "Crazy Bitch," right?" I nodded with a slight grimace. I personally found the song annoying. But I wasn't about to complain when they were all helping us out so much.

I jumped up onto the stage, and was determined to do my best, despite the less-than stellar song choice.

00000000000000000000

**EPOV**

The club was officially closed, but Jasper was able to charm the manager into letting us watch the aftershow rehearsal going on. We quietly sat as far out of sight as possible as Bella was jumping onstage.

"Now I want you to belt it out Scary Spice, and give us a performance. Show us what you are made of," an older guy coaxed. What a pervert.

The song began as quickly as my jaw dropped as Bella began to sing a seriously filthy song:

_Hey! You're a crazy bitch,_

_but you F so good I'm on top of it._

_When I dream I'm doing you all night,_

_Scratches all down my back to keep me right on._

Bella was like a force of nature up there, confidently spouting out lyrics that would make a sailor blush. Club workers were coming out of every nook and cranny suddenly, wanting to see the girl singing and playing guitar. All the guys were cheering her on, especially every time she repeated the dirty chorus. I felt a wave of nausea wash over me as I saw my Bella up there getting encouraged like that. This was the same girl who took a whole month to let me kiss her properly.

My eyes glanced over at Jasper in shock. He just shook his head. "And to think you are the one who has been encouraging all of this," he said with a smirk. "The words "too trusting" are coming to mind right now with our 18 year old charges."

I shook my head and asked him to come wait outside with me. I didn't think I could handle watching any more "practice" without making my presence known.

We sat in the car for another hour before the quartet finally came out.

000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

I received a roar of applause after singing the song. But I had to say something. I knew it would be a big hit with "the boys" in the crowd. I knew it was novel to have a girl sing that type of song. And yet it wasn't me. I couldn't sing it. It was too...silly. There was no way I could utter "Feels So Good, Getting Effing Laid" with a straight face come next Wednesday. It made me sound like a phone sex operator reject.

Niles was in the middle of praising my performing prowess when I raised my hand like a teacher's pet.

"Niles, do you think maybe Laurent could sing that song instead? I don't think I'd be comfortable singing it. It's just not me."

He looked at me questioningly. "You sure? It looked like you pretty well right now."

I nodded shyly.

Niles shrugged his shoulder. "Okay. Laurent will do the vocals on that. But definitely keep the song in the set."

Laurent leaned into me onstage. "I'm glad you said something, Bella. I wouldn't want you singing anything you aren't comfortable with. " He gave me an encouraging smile, and we continued on trying out some of the other songs on my playlist. Alice's turn was next, and then Laurent went last. Niles let us know at the end of the session that a couple of them would be happy to help shadow Alice and I the first night on guitar and bass--apparently Laurent was cashing in on an IOU. And thank goodness for us that he had something to cash in-with a new song playlist to work on, there was a good chance that Alice's and my inexperience would be shining through come Wednesday.

After thanking them repeatedly for being our saviors, we headed out to Laurent's car. Alice made a little human love chain, clasping my hand and Mike's and then encouraging me to clasp onto Laurent's. We looked like school children ready to play a game of London Bridge.

"Laurent, you saved our hineys tonight. We are actually going to not suck now..maybe..hopefully," I joked.

"Bella!" My head jerked around as I saw Edward in Jasper's car.

"What are you guys doing here," I asked out of surprise.

Edward looked at me grimly. "You said I could pick you up, remember?" His voice was rough and defensive.

--

The ride home was awkward. Alice kept looking at me with wide eyes as Jasper and Edward kept the conversation to a minimum. I was never big on silent treatments as a form of nonverbal communication.

"So, what's up with the cold shoulders," I inquired.

Silence.

I looked at Alice and we both started laughing. They were acting like sullen 5 year olds. Edward turned around sharply.

"Alice, you are still spending the night at the hotel with Mom and Dad, right?" Alice snorted at him but nodded.

"Why, Edward? Trying to worm your way into Bella's bed again?"

Silence. I had had enough.

"Well, Alice, if he can't show me the decency to be halfway respectful on the car ride home, I don't want him coming up to my room." Alice laughed while giving me silent applause with her hands.

Edward turned around sharply-his face was furious. "You have the nerve to talk about decency when you just got offstage, getting every guy worked up in the club singing about screwing so good on top with scratches all down your back?"

Alice looked at me with a wide opened mouth. I looked straight back at him, not blinking. I felt like ripping his face off right then. "What's worse Edward? Me singing about it? Or you actually doing THAT with half of the female population in my dorm building? You don't think I can't tell who you've been with by the looks on their faces when we pass them? And that's all of maybe... two times we've been together pubilcly?"

Edward just stared at me for a moment before turning back around. We were at my dorm parking lot now.

"And don't even get me started on you sneaking around watching me without making your presence known at the club, Edward."

Jasper let out a big sigh. "It's been lovely, it really has with you two. But I'm going to take Alice back to the hotel now. So, Bella, if you don't want Edward to come with you, just say the word. Alice is exhausted." He looked in the rearview mirror at Alice and gave her a reassuring wink.

I sighed slowly, not looking forward to the next hour or so. "Come on, Edward. We obviously need to talk."

--

I silently got ready for bed. Once I had brushed my teeth and got some pj bottoms on, I perched myself on Alice's bed. Edward was lying on mine, face up, eyes closed-with an arm over his eyes.

"Edward, what was that all about right now?"

He just shook his head. I felt like I had been on a roller coaster with him today. He was downright giddy throughout the dinner--and now he was incapable of even talking.

"Well, Edward, I would appreciate it if you at least showed me the respect to explain what brought all this on."

He just kept shaking his head--he was upset. I felt a moment of sympathy for him and wandered over to my bed. I laid down beside him, and inched my head onto his shoulder. He let out a long breath, and then turned to his side as his arms enveloped me.

"What's going on Edward?" I asked as softly as I could. " I thought we were so happy tonight."

He let out a sad laugh. "We were. That's why it hurt so bad."

"What hurt," I inquired.

"Everything. You not wanting me to meet up with you. And watching you sing like that. Watching all the guys reacting to you like that." His voice trailed off. "I felt sick watching it all go down."

I tried to think of something to say. "Well, you seemed to have only watched a small part of what went on tonight. Because I sang a bunch of different styles of songs. They were trying to get a read for what would work best with my vocal style. And the song you keep mentioning was like, one song, Edward."

He opened up his eyes now, staring at me intently. "It was one song, but it's how you sang it, Bella. How long did I have to wait to kiss you, Bella? And then you just go up there and sing a song like that that would have every guy's imagination running wild? You don't see where that seems weird at all, that you are so proper offstage, but you can go do and sing things onstage that are meant to basically get every guy turned on completely?"

I bit my lip. "I sang the song because they wanted me to sing it. But after I was done, I told them I wasn't comfortable singing it actually. Problem solved, okay? You know how I have a hard time being cheesy--talking about back scratches is the epitome of cheesiness."

His eyes searched mine. "Really? You aren't singing that this week?"

I nodded with a smile, but I wasn't going to let this be one sided. "But I meant what I said earlier, Edward. I don't think you have a right to get mad about me singing about something, while you don't think twice about your actual track record sexually. Don't think I"m not sensitive to that reality, okay?"

He nodded and gave me a quick kiss on the head, but still looked troubled.

"There's more than what you've talked about, huh," I said.

He paused, like he wasn't sure he wanted to elaborate or not.

"Spit it out," I teased.

He looked at me for a long moment before confessing. "You know how you wondered about what my usual type was at dinner after something my mom said?"

I nodded.

"Well, watching you onstage tonight, with everyone looking on...I wondered if I was really your type too. I felt out of place there, and you looked so in your element with everyone." He shrugged his shoulders and buried his head into my shoulders instantly.

I wrapped my arms around his head and started massaging the back of his head. "Edward, I don't "do" types. I just know what I like. And I like you. More than I probably should, even if you are the town Jezebel." I gave him a sheepish grin, and his lips crushed into mine swiftly.

000000000000000000000000000


	33. Assume Position

**Chapter 33: ASSUME POSITION**

**note: Thanks for the reviews!**

**note: Happy B-day, momof5, thanks for editing my chappie! **

**note: The last time we saw our precious Jasper and Alice, they were dropping off a sullen Edward and a perturbed Bella at the dorms:**

**APOV:**

Bella stomped off, holding Edward's hand like she was pulling a pouting child to his room for a time out. Jasper glanced my way with a wicked grin, and we both cracked up.

"What the hell has happened to Edward? He's like a menstruating 12 year old girl all the time now," Jasper blurted out as he motioned me to come to the front seat.

I rolled my eyes - like I ever acted that moody even when I was a 12 year old menstruating girl. "Because he probably can't get past first base with Bella. Edward tries so hard to act like a good guy around her, but he eyes her up and down like she's a biscuit he wants to sop up with gravy."

Jasper made a face. "You were hanging out with all those perverted musicians too long tonight. I don't even want to know what gravy corresponds to in your metaphor."

I threw my head back laughing as he sped off towards the hotel. I settled back into the passenger seat and closed my eyes for a second.

"You tired?"

I nodded as I exhaled slowly. "My feet hurt too. I wasn't expecting to be standing all night or else I wouldn't have put on five inch spiked heels." I stopped talking for a second. He used to rub my feet and back when we were in high school after dance and cheerleading practices. I didn't want him to think I was asking for an offer.

"I can rub them when we park." Too late.

"No, it's okay, Jas. I just need to get to bed." He went silent for the rest of the ride.

When he reached the hotel, I expected him to pull up to the entrance. He parked instead.

"You coming up," I asked as I undid my seatbelt.

"No." He hesitated for a moment. "Can we talk, Alice?" I couldn't stop the grimace that was forming on my face.

"What?" I asked defeatedly.

"I just wanted to apologize for that night..."

"Oh, hell, Jasper, not right now. I don't have it in me for THAT talk..." I shook my head and began to open up my door. He quickly reached over and slammed it back shut. His hand rested on my bare knee.

"We don't have alot of chances to be alone anymore. Please."

I kept my head down, my eyes fixed on his hand on my lap. I braced myself for what was to come.

"I want to apologize Alice, for not realizing how you felt about me for so long. I've been spending too much time retracing my steps with you over the years. And I've been unfair to you. I know it."

I didn't respond.

"I always was so close to you, and you were so young. It would have been easy to confuse alot of things between us."

This is exactly why I wanted to wait to talk.

"I thought I was treating you the way a sister should be treated. But now, I see things--"

That was it.

"YOU were young too, Jasper. You are only two years older than me. And you didn't just treat me just like a sister, Jasper. Cut the bullshit."

He stared at me for a moment, taking his hand off my knee. "Excuse me?"

I met his stare. "You heard me. Cut the bullshit. Your apology doesn't sound like an apology so much as an alibi. How many times can you drone on about my eternal sister status for you?"

He maneuvered his body to face me better. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means, Jasper, that I've spent some precious time retracing OUR steps together over the years as well. And if I was family to you, then for a good number of years our sibling relationship has been incestuous."

His jaw drop. "That's disgusting, Alice."

I started laughing harshly. "Let me clarify that. With the exception of THAT night, you have never done anything inappropriate to me physically. But that's your loophole isn't it? Just because you _**physically**_ never crossed a line, somehow all the other things you did are okay. You can sweep every action on your part under the "brotherly" rug."

Jasper eye's bored into me. "I'm trying not to lose my temper with you, right now. But acting like I had some grand plan to be incestuous with you in a nonphysical way is just ridiculous, Alice."

"No, Jasper, you didn't plan this. But that doesn't change that alot of things you did weren't coming from a purely brotherly place." I could feel the tears building up. I had a very good idea that he was going to dismiss everything that was going to come out of my mouth in the next few minutes. But he wanted to talk, and I wasn't sugarcoating things any longer.

"Here, all this time, I had gone along with your vision of what we were together. Brother and sister. I actually felt guilty, Jasper, about how I felt for you. I thought it was just me, and that my feelings were unprovoked by you. But after watching you tonight around Seamus, you know what struck me, Jasper?"

He crossed his arms defensively as he leaned back on his driver door, waiting for impact.

"I realized that the way you treated Seamus is identical to how you treated Jason Lucas when I was in ninth grade. And Brian Carr my sophomore year--ditto that for Dominic Barro. And then there was Paul Boctor, and Damien Mendoza, and Chance Whittiker my junior year before you left for college. You know that's not half the list either. EVERY guy who so much as showed an interest in me was scared off by you. NOT by Edward either, Jasper-YOU. " I stared at him - his lips were pressed in a hard line. He was defensive, but not quite dismissive--yet.

"All these years, I've been telling myself that I was saving myself for you. And tonight was the first time I realized I wasn't accomplishing that goal all by myself. I've had more than enough help along the way." My tears were brimming at this point. I took a deep breath and looked up for a second to collect myself. He exhaled slowly and whispered my name sadly. I wasn't finished yet though; I was getting everything off my chest before I left this car.

"One more thing, Jasper. Of course you never crossed the line with me physically. That wasn't the role I was fulfilling for you. You were bedding girls in high school. I knew all about it. But when it came time for companionship, you came to me. Some of it was brotherly, sure. But alot of it wasn't, Jasper. Alot of it was what a boyfriend would do with a girlfriend IF he actually respected her for more than just sex. I was basically your girlfriend WITHOUT the benefits, Jasper. I was the girl who fulfilled all the girlfriend duties-with the exception of being the girl you actually took out at night and had your way with. How screwed up is that?"

The expression on Jasper's face was so sad. I wanted to stop, but it was too late. The train had left the station.

"I just want you to know, Jasper, I'm not buying your bullshit anymore. I'm not going to play along with your 'We are brother and sister and oopsie, we played the wrong dare the other night.' " I opening the door when he reached over and slammed it shut again.

"No, not yet, Alice." He tried to put my face in his hands and I turned my head quickly from his view. I couldn't look at him as my tears began to fall.

His hands abandoned my face and turned their attention to pulling me by the waist. In one quick motion, he sat me on his lap and embraced me tightly.

"Stop," I tried to say fiercely; unfortunately, it came out sounding weak and sad.

"You can be mad at me Alice. I deserve it. Just don't cry, please. I can't handle you crying." He laid my head on his shoulder and my tears were coming faster now. He was panicking -he never handled tears very well. He kept asking me over and over again what was making me cry so hard. It took me minutes to finally compose myself.

"I had an epiphany tonight. Nothing has changed for us. You don't think anyone is good enough for me. You made that clear tonight with Seamus. But you don't want me enough to do anything about it either."

He hugged me tighter while responding gently. "That's not it, Alice. It's more complicated than that. The way I feel for you is insane and in some ways...very, very wrong."

His voice sounded so ominous with that last part of the sentence, I couldn't help myself. I started cracking up while shedding tears simultaneously. "You are the biggest

dumb ass, Jasper."

"In more ways than one," he added. Jasper was staring into my eyes intently, his hand lightly rubbing up and down the side of my hip. I looked down in that direction for a second, when my phone began to ring.

"Ignore it," I said, knowing full well it was my mother. It eventually stopped ringing, and Jasper tried to continue.

"The the last thing I ever meant for you to feel is used, Alice. I always thought I was doing everything in my power to make you feel loved. You don't know how hard it is for me to hear that it made you feel anything but." He was shaking his head slowly while he closed his eyes. "I just want you to know..."

Jasper's cellphone began to ring. As did mine. Again. Jasper laughed. "One of the many complications, Alice," he mumbled as he reached for the phone.

"Hi. Yeah, I have her right here, safe and sound." My mom answered on the other side." Give us a couple minutes?" He paused as I heard my mother rattle on for a bit. He cringed. "Yeah, she's right here."

"Mom?"

"Alice, where are you? I've been trying to get a hold of you all night. I was getting worried." I explained I was in the parking lot of their hotel, shooting the breeze with Jasper. She let out a knowing sigh, and asked to talk to Jasper again. She was a smart cookie. Mom knew she'd get Jasper to crumble faster than me. Jasper listened, nodded and answered, "I'll bring her right up."

"No, you'll finish your sentence...You want me to know what..."

He flipped his phone closed. "Your dad is coming down. On the pretense that he wanted to say good night to me. They sound sort of pissed." He leaned in towards me, letting our foreheads touch for a brief moment. "I want you to know..." He paused as he repositioned himself in his seat, and then broke out into laughter.

"What?"

"I want you to know that sitting on my lap in that dress is just another example how my feelings for you can be very, very wrong..."

000000000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

"Bella...Bella are you awake?" Edward's low whisper sounded gravelly. I hardly recognized his voice. I hadn't been awake - why would I be? Alice's clock on her nightstand was flashing "3:07 AM." I closed my eyes again, feeling myself float back towards unconsciousness.

"Bella, are you asleep?" I only opened one eye this time. The clock read "3:11 AM." A whole four minutes had passed. His body was moving slowly behind me, as if he were awakening from a deep sleep.

"I was before you woke me up, sunshine," I mumbled before shutting my eyes tightly, determined to fall back asleep.

"Bella..." His mouth was right near my ear now, his warm breath tickling my skin.

"WHAT...?" He was starting to piss me off, whether he was sleep talking or not.

"Nothing," he whispered. His breathing was deepening, like he was finally nestling back into sleep.

"Mmm...your hair smells so good." Edward started nuzzling my neck lazily in between sniffing my hair. Both of my eyes flew open.

"Dude, my hair smells like stale club smoke. Not just any club smoke either - Opium Den club smoke. What's up with you right now?"

"Hmm..?" Edward drawled out into a question as he began doling out small, moist kisses onto my neck. His arm that was wrapped around my waist pulled me in closer.

"Woahhhh, Cap'n, is that a roll of quarters back there or are you just happy to wake up next to me?" I tried scooting forward a little, but he held me in place. "What? I'm just trying to give...everyone... a little...breathing...room..."

"Bella, love, can you dispense with your mile-a-minute banter this once?" He angled his head around to meet my lips. I thought for a moment about complaining about my morning breath, but that would most likely fall under "mile-a-minute banter." So I shut up--for once--and welcomed his lips to mine. For a couple minutes at least. Edward quickly "assumed position" as I called it. There was a definite equation in place ever since Edward started making morning trips to my bed on Thursdays after Alice left:

**Bella + Edward + Twin size bed + kissing Bella automatically on bottom, spreading her legs, while Edward lays in between them on top**

And that was fine with the sun shining through the windows and the hustle and bustle of dorm mates outside heading off to class just outside the door. But late at night, in the dark right now, it was taking on a whole new meaning. This wasn't Daytime Edward assuming position -- Daytime Edward took his cues from all those endearing, loveable, bumbling, romantic English sweethearts Hugh Grant played in romantic comedy after romantic comedy in the 90's. Daytime Edward may have been in between my legs, but his arms were always out to the side, supporting his weight so that he wasn't leaning completely on me. Daytime Edward may have kissed passionately, but he always stopped before I ever needed to tell him.

No, I was being introduced to After-Hours Edward at this moment--and apparently he took cues NOT from the sweet guy from "Notting Hill." He took cues from Hugh Grant himself. Yikes.

The "assumed position" in daytime never caused any more mischief than slightly ragged breathing from the both of us. But something happened along the way with the assumed position while we kissed in the dark. Things were happening all at once, and I wasn't used to it.

Edward's kissing was passionate as usual - soulful, slow, wet, sexy. Sexy bastard. But his hands weren't on the sides of my body as usual, making sure his weight wasn't on me directly. His body pressed against mine heavily - wait, let me qualify that. His LOWER body pressed against mine heavily as his hands went to work. Usually his kisses deserved my full attention, but his firm grip behind my neck was pushing my head up slightly to his. His other hand was a regular junior explorer, tracing my contours, starting at my collarbone and dragging down my shoulder, down my arms, a hop, skip and a jump over to my waist, and dragging down even more slowly to my hips.

When he reached that destination, he stopped kissing me abruptly and looked downward. He was thumbing the outline of my boyshorts at the hipbone now, while his other hand was caressing my neck firmly. He took one more kiss from me before pulling back, staring at me, and flicking his thumb underneath the material until it found the opening on the other side of boyshorts. I gasped involuntarily. My hipbone was the only thing being touched directly, but there was a determination in that quick action that put me on guard. Still staring at me, he slowly but roughly began to coil the fabric around his thumb again and again--resulting in my shorts tightening quickly around my core and backside. I let out a legitimate gasp this time, along with an abrupt hitch from my hips. I looked down in surprise, somewhat annoyed that my hips were more prone to Edward's touch than my mental insistence to keep some composure. It was official--After Hours Edward and his ability to turn my body into a traitor against my own will was frightening the hell out of me.

"Hey, slow down, Edward Sexer Hands! You are scaring me."

He stopped all multi-tasking abruptly. "I'm scaring you?" He sounded completely disheartened.

"Well, yeah, you are." He looked like a lost puppy in that moment, so I tried to lighten the meaning a tad.

"You aren't scaring me in a "Scared Straight" sort of way.You are scaring me in a roller coaster way, where fear and excitement go hand in hand. You just happen to be a roller coaster that can get me pregnant."

He smiled smugly while raising his eyebrow. "So... I excited you."

I let out a tired sigh. "Great selective hearing there on your part, Edward. And to put the ability to excite in better context- I could say the same thing for sitting on top of one of the single stacker dryers during a heavy duty drying cycle in the laundry room."

He rolled his eyes. "There's the mile-a-minute Bella banter again. Promise me when we finally make love you aren't going to have a running commentary going the whole time, like Jerry Seinfeld: "_What's the deal with penises_?" He lit into a whole Seinfield-esque monologue(complete with a nasaly Seinfield voice) of how he imagined I would comment continuously on the whole sexual act itself in all it's absurd glory. It was hilarious, and he had me in hysterics. And yet, the whole time I was thinking one thing: _he's already assuming we are going to have sex_. _Soon._

000000000000000000

**EPOV**

_"Mom wants to take you out to lunch. ALONE. Dad's taking me. ALONE. Divide and Conquer, Edward...10:30 AM."_

I flipped my phone closed. Mom and Dad were up to something, and Alice was tipping me off. I was hoping to bring Bella alone, but I guess that would have to wait.

She began stirring finally around 9:30 AM. I was already dressed and ready for the day. But not for the talk I was afraid to have with Bella.

"Hey you," I said softly as she finally opened her eyes. She smiled back sweetly.

"Hey."

Bella reached out automatically to hug my chest and snuggle into my side. Now was as good a time as any.

"Bella, I'm sorry about last night. I was halfway asleep and not using my head at all. I hate that I scared you."

She cracked up. "You didn't scare me literally, Edward. It was more just that you were acting different than you usually do."

"Well, you were too." I gave her a knowing wink. She looked at me in confusion.

"How was I acting different?"

Oh, hell. Maybe she didn't remember. "Do you remember anything before me kissing you, Bella?"

She shook her head in confusion. I decided not to offer-she gets embarrassed easily as it is.

"It's nothing, love. Why don't you get ready and we'll go get some coffee before I head over to my parents'."

She eyed suspiciously. "HOW was I acting differently?" I paused slightly before I tried to dance around the details.

"Are you aware that you talk in your sleep, Bella?"

Her face blushed within a second of my question as she shot up out of bed.

"That's why you kept asking if I was awake, huh?" She thought for a second. "Oh, hell, Edward, what did I say?"

I cringed. I didn't think she wanted to know, even if I kept repeating what she had said in my mind all morning.

"You were just being a little...saucy, that's all." I couldn't help but break a smile.

Her face full of indignation, she jumped up and sat on my lap forcefully while holding my shirt. "Edward, tell me know before I die of shame thinking of the worst case scenario."

"If this is your way of threatening me, you know I'll hold out longer right?" She slapped my head in response.

"Fine. You just happened to mumble my name...while saying some interesting things..." I let that dangle in the air as her cheeks got more crimson than I've ever seen them.

"Don't be mad though, love. I was highly flattered." I tried to give her a kiss, but she pushed me away.

"DETAILS. NOW."

"Okay...you may have said something about that you wanted me to bend my mama--I"m assuming you meant yourself--over and to work it out...and you wanting to sock it to me right..."I started chuckling like a blushing schoolgirl as I continued,"and that we don't need to talk it over, you just want to get it on...and on...and on..."

Her face was hard to read all of the sudden. Shock? Confusion?

"Bella, if that's the kind of running commentary you are going to have when we finally are together, I just want to let you know right now--talk away honey!"

With that, she busted out in laughter. She fell off my lap, landed on the side of the bed and was in hysterics. Now it was my turn to have a face that was hard to read. What the hell is goes through that mind of hers? I had no idea, 90 percent of the time.

"Edward...darling...dumpling...you know how I"m totally killing myself trying to learn all the songs for show on Wednesday?" She was trying to speak coherently, but it wasn't very successful. She was wiping away tears as I nodded yes.

"Edward, I must have been singing one of the lyrics to one of the songs in my sleep. That's a Nikka Costa song you just reiterated, there. Not my hidden self talking dirty in my sleep!"

I felt like an idiot as she continued laughing. She was sleep talking a lyric, and then didn't even remember doing it. Her only memory is of me reacting to the lyric talking by treating her underwear like a rubber band to flick off. Great. But then something occurred to me.

"But Bella...you forgot one thing. My name was interspersed throughout those lyrics." I gave her the most innocent smile I could muster as her laughing slowly dropped off."

"Oh," she said thoughtfully. "Good point."

Another good point, I thought to myself, was that if those lyrics are an example of the kind of songs she'd be singing on Wednesday, it would be a very long night for me and my ego.

000000000000000000000000000000000000


	34. One Foot In Front Of The Other

**CHAPTER 34: ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER**

**note: thanks for the reviews! This chapter is all over the place, mainly cause the next chapter will be about their show and some things needed to be covered beforehand. So-think of it as two chapters really...or three..lol**

**note: I have links in my profile for the following in this chappie:**

**1) Mike's new haircut, minus the hard gel spikes and sun in bleach**

**2) youtube link for the "Put One Foot In Front of The Other" Santa/Winter Warlock song; because seriously, it's an anthem for reformed skanks like Edward! Santa knows what's up, even for the harlots!**

**note: quick answer for 2 questions that have been asked a couple times now and are legitimate inquiries:**

_**Is Bella Frigid or What?: **__lol. No, Bella is not frigid. If you look at the timeline, they've known eachother a little over a month, didn't see eachother for almost a month, and honestly have only spent about 2 weeks together at this point. They've been "official" for less than a week. And Bella is someone who's dealt with a chaotic homelife by being very controlled and discplined in response. So, for her, making out in her bed less than a week after being with Edward seems like a big deal. Taking it farther isn't really going through her mind yet, especially since Edward is very sexually experienced. That actually inhibits her alot, because she feels self conscious on how to proceed._

**Why is Edward so possessive?**: _He can be jealous and posessive. And I don't think his tendencies to be insecure and jealous come from him being naturally possessive. I tried to show that he's usually the opposite of that really-he's not overly protective with Alice for instance, the way Jasper is. The way I see it more is that a) Edward's used to being in the spotlight in his little social world b) Edward's used to having girls fall over him and c) Edward's never been in love. Bella isn't impressed by the same things other girls are about Edward, Bella has a very dynamic personality that can eclipse his at times, and Edward's a little off balance in relation to her as a result. Then there's the shared quality he has with Twilight Series Edward: First Love. First love is a very hard thing to calibrate in terms of emotions and actions. This is new for Edward, and so he's still learning how to love Bella without letting his insecurities get the best of him. But yes, he can be a pain in the butt at times.lol_

**000000000000000000000000000000000000**

**EPOV**

Daddy-Daughter/Mommy-Son time was over, and I was heading back home with Alice in her car.

"So, how did it go," she asked excitedly. "I'm sure she was DYING to ask you all about Bella, after everyone saw you almost suffocate her in your shirt last night."

I didn't want to go into it with Alice-not now. It actually bothered me what my mom had told me. She liked Bella--even though she said she was nothing what she expected from me. As Bella had implied last night, my mother was insistent I had a "type"--and Bella was the complete opposite of that type. That didn't bother me too much. I could see my mom's point there. Bella was very different from the other girls I had gone after before, in almost every respect. Different look, different personality, different interests.

What bothered me was the warning my mom brought up-twice. She kept saying she worried seeing me so taken by her.

"Edward, the way you looked at her throughout dinner-it was like no one else existed." She wasn't smiling when she said this."It occurred to me that you two had an understanding, but it was a fairly new understanding. Am I correct?" I nodded at her silently.

"And I'm happy you found someone like Bella to be in a relationship with. But Edward, you looked like someone who just stepped over the finish line in first place. Getting her to be with you isn't the finish line. It's the starting line, and you have alot of work ahead of you now. I don't want you to think now is the time to rest on your laurels."

I had asked where all this was coming from-I didn't understand her negativity.

"I just want you to see things that you can't possibly see right now because you on a high still. But I saw it last night. I saw how quickly your mood turned when Emmett mentioned his date with Bella. How you ushered her out right after. How you were ushering her out alot actually, to have her to yourself. That type of intensity is natural when you first fall for someone, Edward. But just be careful with it, because that intensity can either build a strong foundation for you or Bella. But it can also tear things down before you two even have a chance."

Those words had been bothering me ever since.

"Earth to Edward...what did Mom mention about Bella?"

I just shrugged my shoulders. "Not much, just that she liked her."

Alice looked at me cynically.

0000000000000000000000000000000000

**APOV**

Edward evaded the subject about what my mom said about Bella. What's more, he actually lied. He said she didn't mention her much. He didn't realize Mom had been trying to pump me for information earlier about Bella and him. I didn't give anything up, but I didn't need to really. She shared her hunches about them, and was on target. She told me she thought Edward had fallen, and fallen hard for the first time ever. And she thought he fell for someone who wasn't going to bend to his charming will, like every other girl he'd ever been around. She was happy for him, but worried...worried because up until now, Edward's always had it so easy with everything. She was worried he was ill prepared for the intensity and work that came with first love and relationships.

"What," he asked suspiciously.

I shook my head. "Interesting, that Mom had nothing to say to you about Bella. And that she simply LIKED her." I gave him a knowing scowl.

"So, how did lunch go with Dad? What did he need to get off his chest with you?" Clever Edward. Always did know how to deflect attention off himself easily.

I just shrugged my shoulders. "Not much. Just that he liked Seamus." Two could play the evasive game. And better yet, maybe it was best we did. Edward and I had never talked about my feelings for Jasper.He would catch a glimpse here and there that would raise his eyebrow; but for the most part, I think he didn't even want to know.

My father, on the other hand, did want to know. He knew I loved Jasper, though I'd never verbalized that fact. And when he came down to the parking lot to fetch me last night from Jasper's car, he was not amused seeing me sit on Jasper's lap in the passenger seat. My father didn't have to say much to get his point across on the way to the room. He simply said, "Get a grip, Alice."

And he didn't have to say much at lunch to let me know what he wanted me to hear. He said that Seamus seemed like a good friend and deserved to be treated with respect. Translation: "Don't use him like arm candy next time if you are still harboring something for Jasper." And that he hoped Jasper was taking good care of me. Translation: "I hope he still isn't semi-consciously yanking your chain."

"Earth to Alice," Edward mocked. I just shrugged my shoulders. For some reason, it made me sad for a moment, knowing that Edward was hiding things from me, as I was hiding things from him. We almost always came clean to one another. And yet, love, and the obstacles that come with love, can make you keep secrets from even those you love and trust above all others.

000000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

"Mikey, please?" Alice was using her most devastating pout from her personal arsenal of facial manipulation tactics. "You will look SO good and it won't take more than a half an hour. While you are getting your hair cut, Bella and I will go shop for your outfit-that will cut the mall time down by half!"

He pouted back, not sure what to do. She met his pout, and raised it with a head tilt. Damn, these Cullens sure know how to use their aesthetic gifts to their full advantage.

"You just want me me to get rid of the spikes because Niles made fun of them, huh," Mike said with a hint of shame.

"No, Mike. You look cute with spikes. But you know, Bella and I are going to color our hair for fun for the show, so what's wrong with wanting you to join in on the fun too?"

I looked at Alice incredulously, and she nodded right back, as if to say, "Go along with what I said or these pointy, high heeled boots are going to jab you straight in your soft clothed, Converse high tops."

"You are?" Mike asked hopefully.

"Oh yeah. We are getting a streak or two dyed in, right, Bella?"

I nodded as the pointed heeled boot relaxed with my submission. Don't cross a pixie in stilettos-that was my lesson for the day.

He finally relented and Alice ran over to the hairstylist to tell her what to do. "Rinse all that Sun-In crap out of his hair and give him a darker shade that matches his eyebrows. We want it trimmed on top and maybe a little off the sides with a little attitude. Think Beckham if he quit soccer and wanted to become a drummer." The hairstylist nodded and got to work as we ran out to find something for Mikey to wear.

"He's like a medium on top, right?" Alice asked. That sounded accurate to me as she started going through the rack of clothes before us. "Nothing too much, just something a little more schmexy. The faux surfer look when he doesn't actually surf isn't working for him." Alice had never gotten over Niles making fun of Mike's hair and Mike's dejected look after the fact. She was on a mission to make Mike a schmexy, less brooding counterpart to Laurent onstage.

Within minutes of the first store we came into, she found some casual jeans his size, a bad ass belt buckle, a skinny black tie, and black vest." If we pair all this with a simple, snug fitting, basic white buttoned up shirt, and that leather wrist band I found, I think he's good to go," Alice murmurred.

We were back at the hair salon within 15 minutes, watching him in the mirror. "So, I mentioned to Laurent what I was hoping for Mike to sing, and he said that was fine with him--if Mike can sing the words without blushing." Alice turned to me. "It would just be so awesome though, Bella. He's so the Jan Brady of the group--I want him to feel like at least Cindy Brady on Wednesday, if not Marsha."

I giggled at the thought. "We'll see, Alice. I'm not sure Mike has it in him either to sing that song. He's a little...sweet for that type of material." Alice just shrugged her shoulders smugly, as if she knew better.

He was done soon after and walked tenatively towards us. " I don't know, you guys. It's really... different looking for me."

Alice gasped. 'Shut up, Mike. I feel like I just gave fashion birth to a new baby boy. And my new baby boy's name is Mike "Thug Appeal" Newton!' She made him spin around so we could get a full 360 degree view of the new Mike. His hair made him look older and definitely hotter. It was darker now, no spikes, with just enough hair product to make a messy peak that even Becks himself would approve of.

Practice went well, suprisingly. Alice and I were still struggling learning so much so quickly, but we were "getting there," as Laurent put it. Mike and Laurent's playing in contrast was tight, and Alice and I were able to sing our songs without using our lyric sheets. There was still alot of work to do, but at least it was gelling on some level, finally. Alice decided towards the end it was time to "proposition" Mike.

"So, Mike, Bella told me that you actually sang in the garage band you two messed around with in high school." He nodded slowly, looking at me with a questioning eye.

"I was thinking that since Laurent has a pretty full song list already, you could sing one of his songs. It's always hot when the drummer gets to sing a song."

"I don't know," Mike said shyly. Laurent shot me a look like he didn't think this was a good idea.

Alice sighed like she was completely put out with his self-doubt. "Oh, I do know, Mike. It's going to be amazing. How about you sing "Crazy Bitch?" Alice looked at him innocently as his jaw dropped. Mike began to think of every excuse in the world not to try it out; however, Alice countered him with a smile and an encouraging comment everytime. This went on for five minutes before I intervened.

"Mike, I'm not sure if you've noticed yet; but Alice is going to win this argument, as she does all arguments. So, just try singing the song. And if it sucks, you are off the hook. Simple as pie." I gave him an encouraging wink.

Mike started singing the lyrics. His voice sounded as good as I remembered it; not super strong, but it had a nice tone to it and he always stayed on key. When he got to the chorus, Alice put her hands up.

'Mike, don't over pronounciate so much. Not..."cra-zy bi-tch." More like cra-zee-bitch. Say it again. Say "crazy bitch."'

Mike repeated her. Alice tilted her head. "Better."

When Mike got to the line, "scratches all down my back to keep me right on," Alice corrected him again.

"Growl that out more...I want to hear more...uhhhhh...coming from the back of your throat. When you say scratch...it should sound like a scratch!" Laurent and I took one look at eachother as Alice bent over growling enthusiastically and cracked up.

"Who would ever need cable with Alice around," Laurent mused.

"She's my roommate. I don't even need a TV or radio at this point."

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**EPOV**

"How many copies do you want?" The Kinko's worker looked completely sleep deprived and miserable. He had a right to be-it was 4:00 AM in the morning and he probably was only half way done with his shift.

"300?" I looked over at Jasper to see if that sounded right. He simply glared back, not happy that I dragged him along with me this morning. "Yeah, 300."

Jasper started shaking his head angrily. "Don't tell me we are putting up 300 of these flyers all around town for Bella's band before class."

I nodded at him." I owe you one."

"You don't owe me anything." Jasper sighed. "I'm only doing it for Alice. She seems more excited about the band than Bella half the time, with her whatever-you-call-it position."

"She's the band manager and mascot," I offered with a smile.

Jasper gave me a strange look. "What the hell does a band mascot do?"

"I think it's code for Alice getting to dress them all up like dolls without any fuss from them. And her tagging along to every practice and outing they have and getting herself into the middle of everything-as usual."

By 7:00 AM, we had posted over 150 of the flyers. We put them on bulletin boards on all the local coffee houses, supermarkets, dorms, college campus buildings. We put them on telephone poles, on cars in high traffic college parking lots. And most importantly, we dropped off stackfulls of the flyers at the Kappa Delta house. It was almost like Trickle Down Economics, the way social influence was exerted on a college campus. By getting the queen bee KD girls to move as a unit to an event, and the trickle down effect was put in place where other soriorities as well as the fraternities would follow. I talked to several of the girls I knew there who were up and around the house, pleading with them to make sure the word got out. After a good three hours of hard work, it was time for me to go get Bella.

I dropped a cranky Jasper off first though. He wanted to tag along to see Alice, but I knew she wasn't home. She had told me she started taking guitar lessons before class a couple days a week with Laurent. Jasper gave me fustrated look.

"I hate that guy. He's always snooping around the girls, you know. He's one of those gratuitous cheek kisser types." I started cracking up. Sometimes the way Jasper talked about Bella and Alice, you would think they were 5 years old each. Besides, I loved her new venture in to guitar playing with Laurent-that equaled more mornings out of the week where I could invade their room without Alice interruptions.

--

"Hey, sunshine," she said as she opened the door. I frowned.

"No, this won't do. At all. Get back into your pjs, get back into bed, and assume position." I played it off like a joke, but it couldn't hurt to at least throw out the possibility. She was already dressed for school and looked like she was heading out the door.

"No can do, Senor Eduardo. I've got Spanish in 20 minutes. Mmm.. coffee." She took her cup and hopped up slightly to give me a quick kiss before going back to gathering her things.

I paused at the door, suddenly nervous about how to proceed next. My mother's words kept creeping into my head this morning, making me second guess everything I was doing. It was true-I was new to the relationship game, and I wasn't sure what was standard protocol for boyfriend gestures. Here it goes...

"Should I walk you to class?" It sounded more like a question for myself than for her. She gave me an answering glance that was double sided, a mixture of amusement and confusion at my tone.

"Edward, you shouldn't ever do anything you don't want to, " she said mockingly as she stood just inside her doorway.

"You up for this," Bella whispered, a smirk threatening to spread across her face. "Is it hard for my reformed harlot to do something as domestic as walk me to class?"

"It's not hard at all." I blurted out. "It's just that I feel like I'm 12 years old all over again with you. I just want to do things right."

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "Perfect-it's official. I scare you emotionally, you scare me sexually. Now let's go celebrate with an awkward walk to class where your past paramores give me dirty looks and emo boys judge me for having a boyfriend who shops at Brooks Brothers."

I started laughing as she held her hand out towards me with a glorious smile on her face. I paused for a moment, drinking in the sight. Her eyes widened as her smile widened.

"I just had a deja vu moment while holding my hand out to you, Edward," she practically screamed." I know how to remedy your nervousness--"

"I'm not nervous!"

"Don't interrupt me. Do you remember that TV special "**Santa Claus is Coming To Town**," and Santa is trying to help the Winter Warlock reform his Warlocky ways?"

I stared at her blankly for a moment. "Bella, have you ever noticed that all of your problem solving is always rooted in some sort of bad televison programming?"

She waved her hand up dismissively. "That's what happens when television was your main caretaker growing up...So, the Warlock is bitching on and on how he can't change. And Santa is like..."changing from bad to good is as easy as taking your first step..and _putting one foot in front of the other_."

She looked at me as if I should understand what she was talking about. She started inching outside of her door now, holding out her hand, smiling at me expectantly. I had no idea what she wanted from me.

"Don't you see, Edward? It's hard for you to detramp because your mind won't let you. But it's as EASY as trying to..."--and then she started singing.

"_PUT...one foot in front of the other...and soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor."_She pointed up at the doorway for a nice little visual cue. Bella was in the dorm hall now as she sang. Loudly. People were looking at her as they passed by, but she didn't seem to even notice. "_Put one foot in front of the other, then soon you'll be walking through the door_!"

I began to slowly recollect the Christmas special she was referencing. "Is that the one where there's an old guy in a white robe and he's trying to walk in the snow, but he had really stiff joints like this.." I started trying to do my best impression of a stiff legged walking warlock, trying to keep an innocent look on my face the whole time.

Bella screeched out a howl. "YES! That's the one...come on Edward, you can detramp, I know it! One foot in front of the other..." She was positively gleeful in that moment.

It just occurred to me that Bella was the easiest girl to make happy. It was the same thing that happened the other night at the dinner party-she got that gleeful when I played along with her about making waffle cone remarks. It WAS official. I had the best girl in the world. I locked her door, picked her up in my arms, and started walking.

She looked at me. "What are you doing?"

I smiled. "I'm walking you to school."

"Okay," she said casually with a smirk, calling my bluff. But I wasn't bluffing.

If holding hands with her would have gotten some stares, carrying her through the dorm building and campus received that many more. She continued talking as if this was a normal thing to do. She took turns sipping her coffee and then breaking out into various verses of the Santa song.

"Bella?" I interrupted her at one point.

"Hmmm..." she answered as she lazily took another sip.

"Why do you get so happy when I do silly things?" I saw her look slightly confused, so I tried to qualify that." I just never see you happier then when you get me to act goofy. Your face just lights up," I said with a shy smile.

She grinned at me for a minute and then shook her head. "I don't know if I can tell you. It's too mushy." I stopped walking abruptly.

"Tell me. You have to tell me now after that lead-in." I sat us down on a nearby bench, waiting for her to answer. She sighed and looked downward.

"It's just...honestly, Edward. How many people out of 100 would have even known what I was talking about right now with the Warlock Wizard Santa song?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Probably like zero, Edward. I'm used to stifling thoughts like that in front of people-because no one will get it. Get me." She looked up now, her face unusually earnest looking.

"But sometimes I forget with you to self edit, because you make me so comfortable. And then I'll catch myself too late, and worry that you'll think I"m weird when I say all these random things. And instead, you actually know what I"m talking about. And then on top of it, you actually play along with me. You actually INDULGE my idiosyncrasies."

I stole a quick kiss.

"It's like that music video where there's a little girl in a bumblebee outfit and she doesn't fit anywhere. And then she comes to a hill full of bumblebees and is so happy to find a place she belongs finally."

She touched my cheek softly. " Except you are the only bumblee on the hill waiting for me."

She broke her stare quickly and then added, "And you are one hot bitch of a bumblebee."

I scooped her back into my arms and gave her another kiss, longer this time.

"I adore Bella on mush. Too bad smart ass Bella doesn't give her more solo time before running her off the stage." She smiled shyly away from me.

We started walking again, with me still carrying her.

"You know I'm only letting you carry me like this so that it won't be a big deal for us to hold hands the next time around. Holding hands will seem as easy as cake compared to this tomorrow."

I laughed out loud as we passed a group of girls I recognized vaguely. They eyed me first but then burned holes into Bella's back with their gawking as we passed. Bella took notice and smiled innocently.

One of them murmurred loudly enough to be heard: "Why is he holding her like that?"

Bella winked at me before looking back at them and yelling, "Because I'm the Maddox to his Angelina Jolie!"

00000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

I had five more minutes left in class. Edward was waiting outside to walk me to my next class before he headed off for the day. It wasn't until this moment that I realized that Edward would see me with James. James and I had classes in the same building at the same hour, and often talked while we walked to our next class afterward. It wasn't anything too newsworthy, other than me being able to see James when his sole task wasn't to annoy the hell out of Edward. He could be quite charming and nondisgusting when he put his mind to it. I just didn't know if the decent James who I talk to after class would still be there when he saw Edward waiting outside.

I filed out of my classroom, expecting to see James where he always waited--leaning against the wall across from the class door, arms crossed.

"So, you weren't going to tell me?" He was yelling across the hall at me, catching me off guard with his loudness. Usually when we walked together he tended to be a lot more...subtle.

He held up his hand, holding a flyer. "You were going to have a show, and you weren't even going to let me in on the secret?"

I grabbed a hold of the copy. Edward. He's the only one who would have done this.

"It's not really like a show...more like a public audition," I answered, still staring at the flyer. He pushed off the wall and began walking with me. "But feel free to watch me crash and burn, by all means."

He chuckled as he grabbed the flyer back. "Hey, I want this. It will be my reminder. And I'm sure you aren't going to crash and burn. You are going to be awesome."

We walked in silence for a moment, while I could feel him staring at me. I was trying to figure out whether I should tell him Edward was outside and ask him to not go into "James" mode with him. But if I did that, it felt like I was making too big of a deal out of nothing. I decided to just stay quiet.

"30. I bet I could bring in 30 people, if that would help." My head whipped over in his direction, breaking me from my inner monologue.

"What?"

"I could bring about 30 non-frat related people, which I'm sure Edward will bring in himself anyways. I help teach classes at Bloom's Studio for kick boxing. I'm sure I could get alot of the guys to come."

I smiled widely-sometimes James could be really sweet. "Thanks, James."

"What do I get in return?" Spoke too soon...

"Um...I bake some mean peanut butter chocolate chip cookies..." I offered tenatively. Wait, this was making me wonder about what Edward was saying earlier about feeling 12 years old again and trying to do the relationship thing right. Was baking brownies kosher to do for a friend, or was it considered flirty? Damnit, I wished I had acted more like a girl in high school now and picked up on some of these basic social cues...

"Cookies..." James muttered as he rolled his eyes at me. "Come on, give me something more exciting."

I bit my lip. "If you bring 30...not 28...not 12...not 29...but 30 people. I'll dedicate a song to you." Wait...that sounded more flirty when I said it than when I thought it...

Yep, it was flirty, because his eyes lit up. "Really?" Shit...

"Yeah, I'll have to think of something appropriate for a frat boy who's always throwing gang signs up at people..." He burst out laughing-always slightly too boisteriously for whatever I was saying, as usual. We were outside now and I was looking for Edward.

He was standing next to a girl who was hovering over him. Girl didn't seem to be exactly fitting for her either. She was about 5'9", legs that made up 3/4 of the height, long strawberry blonde hair, very small skirt, very small tank top, and very UNsmall breasts. With her highbeams on. Poking into my boyfriend's arm as she laughed right now. He was looking in a different direction but smiling faintly.

I hated feeling jealous and hurt, when I knew I no reason to be. I just found out he had made and distributed flyers for my show today. He dropped by with breakfast and coffee Jasper style before my class. He carried me to class. He waited for my class to be done so he could walk me to my next class. All those things needed to matter more to me in this moment than that wretched gut tugging that was becoming stronger as I saw her put her hand on his arm.

"Tanya." James' voice once again sent me out of my inner stupor.

"Huh." James gave me a knowing look.

"Her name's Tanya."

I nodded silently. "How do you guys know her?" As I asked, Edward finally saw me. And James. I saw his eyes narrow slightly while James let out a laugh.

" KD girl. " He looked like he wanted to say more but thought better of it.

"It's alright, James, spit it out. He's dated her, right?" I sported a knowing smile and a raised eyebrow to hide my complete terror.

He nodded and then added, "I'm not saying a word."

We both laughed and then he whispered in my ear quickly: "She's hot. But she has nothing on you, Bella."

I grimaced at the sudden realization that I must have looked completely deflated right then--enough to make James reassure me on Edward's behalf. Oh, and Edward. With his furrowed brows while James slowly removed his lips from my personal territory.

"Hi," I said as casually as possible. Tanya had an amused smile on her face. She gave me that quick once over from top to bottom. I was wishing I had worn my push bra when she paused at my breasts and smiled.

Edward cleared his throat. "Bella, this is Tanya. Tanya, this is Bella. My girlfriend." An awkward pause ensued as Tanya shot a look at him and then glanced back at me. Too innocently. James threw me a pointed look.

"Wow, Edward, that sounded so formal and official," I tried to laugh as I took her hand and shook it. "Nice to meet you, Tanya." I hated awkward pauses, so I lit into some casual conversation with her as the boys looked on. I found out she was a junior, she was majoring in Communications, she was originally from New Mexico. I tried to offer similar background information to her in kind. I was trying to like her-I wanted the jealousy to dissipate as we got to know eachother. But she was making it so hard.

When she found out I was eighteen, she playfully slapped Edward's arm. " Nice, Edward. If you had met her a couple months earlier, you could have gotten jailtime." James glanced at me in joyful anticipation.

"Oh, we've been seeing eachother off and on for over a year now. And he didn't get jailtime-he just got a suspended sentence."

Crickets from Tanya's end as she stared wide eyed at Edward.

"I'm joking," I muttered as James and Edward both cracked up and Edward took my hand.

Tanya seemed put out and ignored my confession as she suddenly changed tactics. Instead of flirting with Edward to get his attention, she started slathering on the attention with James. She took his arm and tried to look at the flyer he was gripping onto tightly. She manuevered her head to get a better look.

"What is that?"

James gave me a knowing smile. "Oh, Bella's band is playing this Wednesday. If I bring 30 people to the show, she's going to dedicate a song to me, huh, Bella?"

Before I could answer, Tanya looked up at me with a smirk, and then stared at Edward as she said, "Oh, really now? I'm going to have to see that." Her tone was full of implication.

Edward's eyebrows were furrowed as usual in James presence, but he didn't acknowledge the new direction of the conversation. He simply glanced at his watch and said, "Come on, Bella. You're going to be late if we don't start walking. See you guys." He promptly took my hand and we were off after I gave Tanya and James a quick wave.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "So, James gets a song dedication for bringing in 30 people?"

I just shrugged. "I thought it was a fair trade. I need to do my part to drum up numbers at Casey's. Laurent and Mike and Alice have been, I know. Emmett and Seamus are promising to bring a big group too."

"So, what will I get if I bring in...say, 100 people? Or more?"

"Silly Rabbit. Like all the songs I picked haven't had you in mind the whole time. You'll see what I mean on Wednesday." I gave him a mischievous smile. "Now, as for Tanya..."

Edward's smile quickly faded. "What about her?"

"Did you guys used to date? She was being kind of weird."

"How?"

"Doing alot of sizing-up-of-the-competition looks with me. All that silent girl talk we do right in front of guys that they never pick up on because it's not on their radio frequency..."

He sighed. "I saw her very briefly. But it was around the time right before I met you. So, when you came into the picture, I just stopped talking to her."

"Saw." I muttered. Nice euphemism. "Well, that makes sense now."

"What makes sense."

"Why she took it personally you were dating me. Why she was appraising every inch of my appearance." Edward squeezed my hand.

"I"m sorry," he said quietly.

"Oh, well. It's over and done with." I leaned up and gave him a kiss."Thanks for doing up all those flyers. You have no idea how much that meant to me."

He told me anytime, and we quickly settled into some casual conversation about the coming week. We talked about my work schedule, whether I thought the lineup was ready for Wednesday. Edward kept prying into what song I had in mind for him. And yet in some part of my brain, most likely the insecure part who was better acquainted with Awkward Forks High Bella than Bella 2.0 College Edition, I couldn't stop thinking about the part of the silent girl talk I kept from Edward. The part where Tanya finished her appraisal of me and smiled smugly, satisfied that I wasn't much competition at all and she was ready to make a victory lap before the race even began. Let the games begin.

0000000000000000000000


	35. I feel a sin coming on

**Chapter 35: I Feel A Sin Coming On**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews!**

**note: Okay, links-o-plenty for this chapter on my profile page under this story's area under chapter 35, including:**

**Outfits for Mike, Alice, and Bella**

**Songs performed**

000000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

Mike and I stared at eachother, with mischief radiating from our eyes.

"Do not move from this spot. No one can see us until we get onstage." Alice put up a threatening finger to let us know she meant business.

"Uh, Alice, we are going to play a set in a sports bar full of horny, young, drunkards. We aren't blushing brides who can't be seen by their grooms before a wedding." Mike chuckled--we had quickly become an Alice baiting tag-team over the last couple of hours of Alice-induced hair styling, makeup-ing, and wardrobing.

I fought with her for over an hour on what NOT to wear. She had sewn an awesome little getup for herself that was reminiscent of the dress she made for me the last time I performed. It was red and black striped, strapless, thigh high, with matching unattached sleeves--some hot black boots finished her ensemble. She wanted me to wear something similar, but I wanted to go for comfort; and most importantly, something with straps. If I was going to be singing and playing and sweating for more than one song, I didn't want to worry about keeping the "girls" in place. I had decided on a purple and black plaid Folter skirt and a white tank top matched with my retro Doc Martens.

"Clothing should not speak, Bella! Leave the smart asseyness for your mouth, not your clothes." Alice was scolding me for the actual tank top of choice, which had the saying, "_**I feel a sin coming on**_" printed on it.

"But it's funny, Alice. It's making fun of the fact I'm wearing a cliched Catholic School girl skirt! It's giving my regulation rocker girl outfit a healthy dose of irony!" She eventually relented-but only after I allowed her to dye the tips of my front layered bangs purple to match my skirt. She then dyed some red streaks into hers.

"What the hell is it with you and color coordinating, Alice? The next thing I know, you are going to try to spray paint our guitars to match as well the way chicks dye their prom shoes."

Alice's eyes narrowed on me for a second. "That can be done?"

Mike met us at our dorm room two hours before showtime so that Alice could get the top of his hair peaking just right. She then used some coverup on some blemishes she couldn't abide by on his face. Our makeup came next. She went for smokey and sexy; in contrast, I asked for shimmery and defined. Unlike a normal person, Alice was a Cullen; therefore, she could do mounds of smokey eye makeup and perform for an hour straight without so much as breaking a sweat. I, on the other hand, was a Swan. And unlike my graceful animal namesake, I start sweating Whitney Houston style once I have a couple songs underneath my belt. So, tonight? It was all about waterproof, shimmery makeup that wouldn't end up making me look like melting raccoon face three songs into the set.

Alice then insisted we change into our outfits at the sports bar...not really understanding that there was no "backstage dressing room" --just a break room complete with a showercurtain partition by the lockers for "privacy." After we took turns behind the shower curtain, Alice was ready to retouch our hair and makeup.

"Alice, I don't know, but instead of putting so much time into our appearance, shouldn't we practice instead," Mike asked at one point. Alice raised a hand dismissively.

"Mike if we don't know it by now, an extra hour of practice isn't going to help. But do you know what an hour with Alice can do for your looks? For Bella's looks?" There was no irony in her voice, which only made us laugh louder.

"Alice, if you refer to yourself in the third person again, I swear I'm going to put on a tank top with an even longer phrase on it," I threatened.

Alice shot me back a death glare: "I'm just trying to save you from yourself, Bella dear. If I don't put a stop to this insistence of talking through your clothing, what's next, huh? A minivan smothered in "My child is an honor student" bumperstickers fifteen years down the road?" She quickly scurried us to a backstage section where we could look out into the audience in relative anonymity.

Alice was strangely calm as she peeked out at the assembly before the stage. In contrast, I felt like throwing up.

"Seamus and Emmett just walked in with half the population of Samoa!" She turned back at me and squealed."I told you they were going to bring the Polynesian contigent!" Although Alice and Seamus had a good heart to heart earlier this week, things weren't completely back to normal. They were still having an awkward transition phase that was heading back to strictly friends-although they already had an "oopsie" moment a couple nights back when they ended up kissing. She cited his lips as the only excuse for the mix-up; I've given those puckers a look-see myself before, so I understood the simple reasoning. They were inviting. Alice wasn't sure if he should come tonight, simply because things still were somewhat awkward. But he had told Alice he wouldn't miss the show for the world, and wanted to support her.

"Do you see Edward and Jas?" Alice nodded with less enthusiasm.

"Front and center." She wouldn't admit it, but she wasn't sure how Jasper would react to her. If at all, knowing how he works at times.

"Do you see the girl Mike is going home with tonight after he talks about putting scratches all down her back?"Mike pushed me with his shoulders teasingly. Alice looked out into the crowd.

"Uh, I see plenty just ripe for the picking." She turned back around and eyed Mike up and down. "Mike, I have to say, I'm amazing. You had alot of great raw material to work with, but you are so outbecksing Beckham right now I can't even see straight."

Laurent sauntered into the back where we were with Niles and Julian, the other guy who was going to help us out on guitar. They had been setting up and were finally through. He was in his regulation outfit-leather pants, no shirt, and a 10 pack if that's possible. Anyone else daring to wear such a getup would get a mocking laugh out of me. But Laurent? Strangely, he not only pulled it off, but made it look amazing. Alice leaned into me:

"He reminds me of that hot vampire Lestat from that Aaliyah movie "Queen of the Damned."

I laughed. "Yeah, he's like King of the Damned."

"King of the Hot Damned..." Alice said as she shook her head in his direction and smiled slyly.

"So, how are my favorite Jezebels doing," Laurent teased. We had a total gender war over what to call our band. Mike and Laurent weren't happy with the decidedly feminine take we had for all our name suggestions. Alice kept spilling out names so girly, they made the "Power Puff Girls" sound butch. What they didn't understand though it was a clever ploy by Alice and I to get our way. She was playing the Macolm X to my Martin Luther King--by having Alice play the radical card with super froofy names, I could swoop in as the more moderate alternative for the boys to compromise with. The ending result? A name that was a secret tribute to my favorite flyer pasting go-to man: "**The Jezebels**."

000000000000000000000

**JPOV**

The crowd had steadily streamed in for an hour now--the show was to begin soon. I motioned around to see where Seamus and his crew were. They were hovering over near the bar. Seamus caught my stare and acknowledged me with a slight head raising. I looked back at Edward, acting like I didn't see him.

"Why do you look like you need an airbag, Edward."

He shrugged. "I get nervous for her."

"She probably isn't half as nervous as you look," I mused.

Edward shook his head slowly. "She gets very nervous. She's really shy, she just hides it well with bravado." He looked around constantly, checking the crowd out. He made a face towards the door as James came in with a large group of friends.

"Cullen! Be my witness! Confirm my patron intake of 31!" Lately, James had been laying off the teasing with Edward in general, no longer calling him P. Diddy or Eddie. He had been acting so civil lately, we both found it jarring. James began tapping each person's head to help Edward keep the numbers straight. Edward acknowledged the head count, but little else from James.

I was looking around for Alice-she was nowhere to be seen. Edward assumed she was helping out in the back, but I was hoping she'd stay by us during the set. A lot of idiots turned out for the show tonight.

"Lauren's staring at you," Edward mumbled. His head tilted slightly to his left and I casually peered in that direction. Our eyes met breifly before she looked away. Lauren hastily looked back my way again a moment later, and then pretended to finally see me. She waved, and I gave her a nod back. Edward was laughing.

"Tanya's right behind her," I murmurred, wiping that smirk quickly of his face. "And she's sharpshooting with a tank top that probably belongs to her 4 year old niece." It was my turn to laugh as he looked back to see her as his posture deflated.

"Shit. Just what I need." Tanya had come by our place the other day leaving Edward a note that she hoped they could "catch up." And tonight, with the smile she was directing straight towards Edward, she seemed to be thinking now was as a good a time as any. Edward stared straight ahead.

"Listen, Jasper. The last thing I want is for Bella seeing Tanya acting weird around me. She's going to be nervous enough as it is onstage--she doesn't need to be distracted on top of it. So, buffer me right now, okay?"

"Well, I better get ready to buff, because she's coming this way with her girlfriends."

000000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

"Do we want to introduce ourselves or anything?" Ever the hostess with the mostest, Alice wanted to make sure we were following protocol before heading out onto the stage.

Laurent simply shrugged his shoulders while I shook my head. "Let's just get out there and start playing. I'm going to let my shitty guitar playing speak for itself, " I joked.

I peeked out finally into the assembled crowd. It was funny to see the different factions outside too. Laurent's friends were easy to peg-they looked completely unnatural inside a sports bar and could be mistaken for extras in the next Anne Rice movie. Seamus and Emmett's group were congregating to the right near the bar(and by no coincidence, Rosalie); James and his friends from his kick boxing studio were to the far left of the stage; the KD girls were right behind them, including a girl Edward introduced to me earlier in the week by the name of Sarah. She was very funny and sweet; when she saw me peeking outward, she gave me a wink.

And then there was Edward, front and center, with Jasper flanked by him. And...and...

"Who the hell is that?" Alice interrupted. She gave me an incredulous look as three girls surrounded our two boys.

"Tanya. Your brother's last paramour before we met." Tanya had just given Edward and Jasper a hug and was talking excitedly to them at the moment. Edward was being civil yet somewhat distant as he looked away, and I could tell Jasper was picking up the slack for him. It was a classic wingman move that went undetected by Tanya. I smiled, but not too widely. I was having a weird dejavu moment from a month back when I was peering out from backstage right before I went on to sing and saw a less welcomed sight.

I stared at Edward for a quick second-he was so good beautiful. Even in a sea of attractive people, he stood out singularly. I suddenly asked myself why he couldn't have a slight bump on the nose, or maybe less hypnotizing hair, or a zit or two even--anything to make him a little less scrumptious to every female with a pulse within 10 miles of him. As Tanya jiggled as she giggled from something Jasper had said, I was seriously wishing I hadn't taken out those damn gel pads in my push bra before leaving the house.

"You are thinking of that night at _Suede_, huh?" Alice asked me softly. I nodded.

"And wishing I had huge bullet boobs right now to slap Tanya away from Edward."

Alice wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "Well, Edward obviously prefers the boobs you have, silly Bella. And just between you and me.." she looked around dramatically,"...we are kind of the cutest girls in the world right now with our outfits and matching guitars. Emphasis on world, Bella. So, like this room? Pfff...we command it easily."

I laughed as I looked into her serene eyes and cocksure smile. It was unbelievable. "You aren't even nervous, are you?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Bella, if you haven't noticed yet, I'm a bit..._theatrical_. I'm more excited than anything. How could I not be with my hair matching my outfit?" If there was one thing I loved about Alice, it was her ability to mock herself.

I started giggling, even though another wave of nausea ran over me.

"Bella, let's just have fun, okay? Let's go out there and be the most fun and irresistible girls ever made. Let's drive Jasper and Edward crazy, as well as pick up a few or even several new admirers along the way." She winked at me.

"Deal," I said with laugh.

"And don't forget this crowd isn't exactly Carnegie Hall in terms of expectations. Just accept that we are going to play some songs totally shitty and we'll forget our lyrics. And it won't even matter. You know why, Bella?"

I waited for her answer.

"Cause we will be laughing as we mess up together."

I gave her a big hug and a peck on the cheek. "I don't know how I pulled it off, but I got the best roommate and friend a girl could ask for."

A moose call broke up our happy moment. We both looked in the direction it came from--James waved at us and then gave us a thumbs up with an overager smile as he watched us embrace eachother.

I rolled my eyes and flipped him off--which only made his smile that much more eager.

0000000000000000000000000000000

**EPOV**

Mike came onto the stage(did Alice get a hold of him and his hair?),followed by Laurent. They began to settle down on their place onstage as Bella walked out slowly. She looked gorgeous up there. Her short skirt and thin, white wifebeater would be my ideal outfit for her-if we were alone in her dorm room. But in a sports bar with a bunch of horny drunk guys, the snickers and muffled comments about her were going to drive me nuts. I quickly got distracted from my caveman boyfriend tendencies however as she faced forward. Her wife beater betrayed the fact she was wearing a black bra underneath. From the way the wife beater clinged to the material below, I could tell it was a lace bra. I could even make out a faint floral print on the bra if I scrunched one eye slightly...

"What are you doing? You're using your eye like a periscope that's focusing in on Bella's boobs."

I was about to retort something clever his way; but at that moment, Bella bent over to pick up her guitar. Whistles were heard left and right in reaction to that small move. I wanted to hit all the idiots whistling at her, but I loved how a shy blush colored her face in that moment. She positioned her guitar and was saying something to Laurent before she looked out into the crowd. Her eyes locked onto mine and we shared a quick moment. I gave her a wink and an expression that I hoped conveyed that I knew she was going to kick ass tonight. She looked back with a slightly worried smile before winking back shyly. She was irresistible when she allowed her true emotions to show through like that.

"What the hell?" Jasper's outburts kicked me out of my thoughts. "What. The. Hell?"

I looked over at him and followed his gaze-up to the stage where Alice was walking out, looking like the full fledged rocker herself. She got her share of whistles as well as she bent over to get her bass guitar. But instead of blushing, she threw back a wry smile.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jasper blurted it out.

"I didn't know she was in the band." I thought for a moment. "I should have known something was up though, she's been taking lessons with Laurent all the time lately and has gone to every band practice they've had..."

"What the hell is she wearing?" Jasper's face was completely disapproving.

"It's called a dress, Jasper. Wearing a dress as a girl is common. You can google it."

Jasper glared back at me. "Sure, play the "evolved" one--until Laurent leans in to talk to Bella and you jump upstage to pee a border of Edward essence around her personal space."

I ignored him and focused on Bella as she was getting ready. Jasper just didn't understand. As much as I wanted to play the stewing boyfriend tonight just from hearing guys' reactions to Bella before she even started singing, I couldn't. I had two motivations that would keep me in check tonight. I wanted Bella's performance to go off without a hitch so this could be her job from now on. She could work less, make more, sleep more, and of course I could have more time with her. But this was my time to make up for that first night she performed and I had failed her so miserably. I was going to be nothing but supportive for her, with my full attention on her tonight. I wasn't going to make the same mistake again.

They were ready to begin. Bella was front and center, Laurent was to her left, Alice was to her right, and two other guys were more in the background. Bella signaled back at Mike; and after raising his hands up for a second dramatically, he banged down loudly, beginning the first song. As he began drumming, Alice and Bella gave eachother a mishievous look while moving to the beat.

An easily recognizable guitar riff started, and I knew right away what song it was: "My Sharona." Laurent and Bella were playing now, and Alice started in with the bassline.

Bella focused straight on me as she began singing:

**Ew, my little pretty one, pretty one.**

**When you gonna give me some time, Sharona?**

**Ew, you make my motor run, my motor run...**

Everytime she purred out "ew," her eyes closed slightly and her lips pouted my way. It wasn't her fault-I bet half the crowd was doing the same thing. But the driving beat on the song was making her reflexively grind against her guitar while she sang to me. The biggest, dumbest grin fell over my face as I watched her.

Jasper broke me out of my haze. "Shit, Alice is tearing up the bassline." I stared at him quickly-his face was in complete shock. I nodded back at him, not at all surprised-I may have been the more accomplished musician between the two of us, but she had natural abilities that I could never touch. My accomplishment came from application, where if she had applied 1/10 of what I had, she would far surpass me. Bella's eyes bored into me once again as she tore into the chorus:

**Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind**

**I always get it up with a touch of the younger kind**

**My-ee ey-ee by-ee ahee ah woo!**

**Ma ma ma my ****Eduardo****.**

I cracked up as she winked at me. Metaphorical whizzing never seemed so silly-and hot.

0000000000000000000000000000

**JPOV (a/n: song playing during this part: Jet's "Are You Gonna Be My Girl")**

The first song came and went, so did the second, where Laurent warbled on and on with some song I didn't know. And yet I still couldn't get over the fact Alice was up there. Playing. Kicking ass playing. Edward and I had figured that she could have only started playing the bass guitar in the last couple weeks. Edward has always said she was like a musical freak of genius. It always annoyed him she never did anything with it, instead spending her days with dance and cheerleading. But apparently she applied it in spades as of late. I couldn't mock Edward with his territorial ways at this point either; I was about to smack every guy who was so much as oogling her upstage.

Laurent shook me out of my thoughts. He was moving over to Alice's mic stand. Laurent had a habit of scooting up and sharing the mic stand with either Bella or Alice. Interesting he never did that with the old, pudgy dude in the back who was singing at times too. He stopped right in front of Alice now and began singing straight to her--was he flexing his nipple rings at her?

**now you dont need that money**

**when you look like that, do ya honey.**

Laurent was so close into her face, I was about to pelt him with something to get him to back up. But if it was any more possible, he got even closer to her lips while singing the lyrics:

**Big black boots,**

**short brown hair,**

**she's so sweet**

**with her get back stare.**

While he sang each line, he emphasized the fact Alice had big black boots on as well as short brown hair. Like we were stupid and couldn't figure out he was talking about Alice. Before I could think it over, my hand put the pelting plan in action. I took a big ice cube out of the glass of Coke I was cradling and wound my arm up like I was a professional baseball player before letting it loose into the air. It hit Laurent on the side of the head, momentarily distracting him-he missed a couple words in the process. I couldn't help but laugh, but I knew I was being an ass. Or as Alice put it, a dumb ass...or as I would put it, a jealous dumb ass... Edward stared at me in shock.

"What the hell was that for?"

"Get back to me when he sings a song to Bella like that later. Cause you know he will."

That shut him up quickly.

A hand suddenly came to rest on my shoulder. I turned around, to find myself staring--up--at Seamus.

"Jasper, we need to talk. Now. Outside."

000000000000000000000000000000000

**RPOV**

I watched Alice-as she watched Seamus escort Jasper outside. Both guys looked pissed. Now I was pissed-because I couldn't take a break at the moment and watch big boy Seamus kick some ass. I laughed at the thought and decided to be nosey and see what was up. Emmett had come in earlier with a huge group of his friends. He hovered nearby the bar, was stealing glances my way, but kept his distance for the most part. He was acting shy almost, and I wasn't sure why.

"Emmett...Emmett!" He turned around, and shined a bright smile my way. I motioned him over.

"What was with Seamus and Jasper right now?"

Emmett rolled his eyes and laughed. "Nothing really. Seamus needs to mind his business."

That didn't help much. I gave him a look like I wanted him to elaborate. He leaned in closer towards my ear to whisper.

"Seamus and Alice dated casually. Sometimes Seamus forgets about the "casual" part though. And sometimes he likes being the knight in shining armor too much." He nodded in the direction they just came from. "He's getting into Alice's business right now, even though I told him he shouldn't. But what are you going to do..."He shrugged his shoulders and stopped momentarily, acknowledging our closeness with a curious look. I backed up slightly.

"So, the Knight In Shining Armor deal must run in the water in New Zealand," I said with a smirk. "My landlord replaced my water heater yesterday."

Emmett let a triumphant smile out. "Choice! I'm glad I could help out."

"So, are you going to tell me how you got him to change it after only talking to him for two minutes?"

Emmett smiled shyly and shook his head.

I eyed him suspiciously. "Did you threaten him with bodily harm?"

He cracked up. "What do you take me for, Rose? A brute?"

I gave him another look like I wanted him to spill the beans. A mischievous smile played across his face. He leaned in again.

"Okay. I _may have_ told him I was Mormon and _might have_ mentioned that I _may_ drop his name and address to the local missionaries if it seemed like he was having trouble with some basic concepts like being honest and ethical in regards to you. And I _may_ have mentioned that the missionaries would be more than happy to spend all day talking to him if needed and that they would be even more than happy to check up on him daily as well. I know I always loved it when a member gave me a lead as a missionary for a potential contact and convert." He flashed me a wicked smile.

My jaw dropped open, ready for the laughter to spill out. He looked at me innocently.

"What? It wasn't a threat to mention I'd sic the missionaries on him. It was an invitation for him to grow spiritually." His lips were shaking now, trying to hold in his chuckles. He stared at me for a moment longer and then promptly sat straight up and away from me.

He was acting differently tonight. It was like he was stopping himself from speaking more than he wanted to-he was being very cautious. It was making me act differently in response. I was trying very hard to hold my tongue from saying something sarcastic or rude. I was even filtering swear words tonight at the bar, just in case he overheard me. I thought one slip would probably scare him away for good from talking to me for some reason. And the reality was, he was nice to talk to, and different from most guys. I glanced back over his shoulder, noticing about 10 of his friends smiling back at me with knowing grins.

"Hey Blondie, are you on break or what," Some Abercrombie wearing ass on the other side of the bar yelled out at me sarcastically. I was about to lay into him when Emmett's friends turned around to all face the heckler. One of them stepped forward with a raised eyebrow.

"Who you calling Blondie, bro?"

Abercrombie took one look at the Polynesian contingent and shut his mouth. I glanced back at Emmett. "Yep, Knight-In-Shining-Armor definitely runs in the public water system in New Zealand."

0000000000000000

**BPOV**

We had gotten through four songs without too huge of an incident, Thank God--and Thank Niles and Julian. I sang one, Laurent sang two, Alice had just finished up singing Paramore's "CrushCrush." I let out a huge "oopsie" chord on my guitar at one point; but when I glanced over at Alice reflexively, she just laughed in my face. Alice and Edward posessed certain qualities that I responded to forcefully. For some reason, in their presence, I felt like I could do anything without fear. They made me lighten up considerably, since I had a tendency to be very hard on myself. The Cullen kids-my anti-drug.

Laurent gave me the go ahead to do my dedication, and I had to tow the line _just so_ so that it was funny but not flirty.

"This next song is for a particular person out there who promised to bring in 30 people for the show tonight in exchange for a song dedication."

"31, Bella! I brought in 31!" James was waving his hands around, making his presence known.

"Now, Alice and I were trying to find _just_ the right song for this gang sign throwing, girl tracking, polygamy aspiring frat guy. And it became apparent very quickly that only one song would do."

Niles gave a cue for the tracks to start playing. He thought it was genius for us to pad our set with Alice rapping songs--with overlaid tracks and just Laurent and Mike givng a little accompaniment to it, the rap songs were like one step away from karaoke work wise for us while still being a crowd pleaser.

The Egyptian strains of the sample started thumping through the room and everyone recognized it right away. Hands went up, Laurent began snickering while looking over at me, and I started in on the first verse with as much Jigga gusto as posible:

**You know I... thug 'em, f& 'em, love 'em, leave 'em**

**Cause I don't f&en need 'em **

A good deal of the crowd obviously knew James because laughter rang out while I began the lyrics to Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin.'" It was a song that was tailormade for James and his charmingly lecherous ways. I saw James' friends cracking up and raising their arms to him, some of them mouthing along with me.

**Sh&t, I part's wit nothin**

**Y'all be frontin'**

**Me give my heart to a woman**

**Not for nothin' never happen'**

**I'll be forever mackin' **

James was jumping around with his arms up throwing gang signs, to the point that I almost flubbed my lines because I wanted to laugh. I shot a reassuring look down at Edward, who simply shook his head in gentle annoyance. He gave me a quick wink though to let me know he was fine.

**We doin' big pimpin, we spendin' Gs (Check 'em out now )**

**Big pimpin'**

**On B.L.A.P.'s...**

Alice took over the second verse and worked the stage like a pro. She was even throwing in a booty pop and drop here and there as she moved around. I couldn't believe Jasper and Seamus weren't here to see her. They had miss her first song as well. But I had a quick vision of them rolling around on the ground in traffic on the highway as they fought for the love of my dear roommate, which only made me giggle. Alice bent over the stage at some point, and began to throw the mic in different people's directions to have them finish the verse lines. It was a total hit-people were clamoring to finish the sentences for her. She knew how to work a crowd like no one else.

Then I saw him. James was still throwing up gang signs and smiling with his friends when they were looking at him. But when he caught my attention, he put his arms to his side and gave me an intense look. It jarred me-I had no idea what the intensity entailed. He slowly shook his head at me, like he was painfully saddened and disappointed. I raised an eyebrow, hoping he'd understand it as an inquiry to his gestures.

He simply looked back and mouthed, "You too, Bella?"

Did he actually mean it in a "E tu, Brutus" sort of way, as if I had betrayed him? My mind was racing, trying to make sense of his emotions and words--while Edward watched my expressions do a 180 degree turn.

00000000000000000000000000000

**JPOV**

I only made it outside a couple of feet before Seamus let in.

"What is wrong with you?" He stood in a defensive stance, his voice low and angry. I was almost 6'2", but he still had a couple of inches on me. It was an inappropriate thing to wonder at the time, but I couldn't help it: How the hell did him and Alice manage to kiss with the height difference? Unless they weren't standing but lying down...shit, never mind, I didn't want to think about it...

I just glared at him, not even feeling obligated to answer him.

"Why are you such an arrogant, entitled ass with Alice? Of all the nights to act out, when she's onstage, and you pull yet another one of your stunts." He started pacing back and forth in front of me. I kept staring at him with a look of boredom.

"I've been an ass myself, I'll admit it. We were both treating Alice like a toy to fight over in front of her parents the other night. But at least I'm trying to make it up to her. You just go on as arrogantly as ever tonight, acting like you own her while keeping her at arm's length. " He shook his head.

That was it, I wasn't going to take any more from some guy who has only known her a month.

"Seamus, I have to hand it to you. You've charmed everyone from Alice to Carlisle with your stories of serving God and being kidnapped by rebel forces and saving the entire country of Indonesia from Malaria. But I don't want to hear you act like some self righteous prick about Alice and her welfare when I know you have some girlfriend in the background yourself, right?"

He narrowed his eyes slightly, nostrils flaring a tad. I got him right where I wanted him.

"I'm sure your girlfriend would love to know how you've been carrying on like a big shoulder to cry on for some sweet, sheltered and most importantly, HOT little 18 year old girl who you are giving kissing lessons to simultaneously. See any conflict of interest there, Seamus? With wanting to be seen as the total good guy who's just looking out for Alice? At least I own what I am--you act like you are some angel, when you've had an angle the whole time yourself."

His hands clenched into fists for a second before letting go.

"I already said I've been an ass myself, Jasper. But tonight, I am just looking out for Alice. If I wasn't, I'd let you fall on your face like you already are so she can see for herself you aren't worth the trouble. But instead, I'm trying to give you a heads up about how you are coming off in front of her--in front of everybody. THAT'S looking out for Alice."

"Don't play the protective card with me, Seamus. I've had that position for over a decade now with Alice. You've know her how long--a couple weeks? And you think you can step in now and tell me how things should be handled when it comes to her? Come back to me in a ten years and maybe I'll listen to you."

Seamus laughed out loud. "Sure thing. I'm sure 10 years from now you'll still be handling things like a pussy, yelling at guys that she doesn't like waffle cones or else throwing ice cubes at them when they get too close."

His words made me feel rage like I've never felt before--before I could even breathe, my fist was lashing upward towards his face. I made contact with his jaw. He reacted to it--but not as much as I wanted him to. He was still standing and let out another mocking laugh my way, even though I could tell he was in pain.

"That's the spirit, Jasper. Not bad for a La Crosse player." I went in with a fist to hit him again, but he caught my arm and punched me back in the stomach.

I doubled over and fell on one knee, trying to regain my breath as Seamus bent over me.

"Okay, now I am acting like an ass. I didn't call you out here to fight. I just wanted to you to listen. Alice has told me alot about you and her. I know how much she cares about you. I know she was nervous for you to see her tonight, because she cares so much what you think of her. And to see you scowling at her and then throwing ice cubes at her bandmate...it's not right what you are doing to her. You're upsetting her up there."

"I wasn't scowling at her," I said unevenly, still trying to catch my breath.

"Yes, you were. Like a jealous boyfriend who doesn't want anyone looking at her. Or as Alice puts it, a jealous boyfriend without the benefits."

I looked up at him. "Alice told you that?"

Seamus let out a smirk. "That and more information about you two than I ever wanted to know." I let out a small laugh as he helped me up to my feet.

"Let's get back inside before Alice sends a search party. And go in smiling so she isn't worried we were doing exactly what we were doing out here." I nodded begrudgingly.

--

Seamus put an arm around me like we were the best of friends as we got back into Alice's point of view. She peered in our direction as she continued to play, looking at us with concern. I let out a laugh as if Seamus had said something funny and he turned to me as she watched.

"I still think you can be an arrogant ass who doesn't deserve her," Seamus said through a clenched teeth smile.

"I couldn't agree more," I said sincerely. "But that doesn't mean I won't take her up on her offer if she still wants me."

"About time," Seamus muttered as he walked away, holding his jaw.

00000000000000000000000000000

**a/n: Seamus does not technically have a girlfriend-Jasper is mistaken in that sense. He has a Mormon gf who went on a church mission for a year and a half. They broke up for now, but if all goes well, they plan to resume their relationship when she gets back. Technically he doesn't have a girlfriend; but he certainly has long term goals with this other girl though.**

**a/n:Yes, Seamus is Mormon. But even Mormons can throw some swear words out when they get mad enough...lol**

**a/n: The next chapter will continue with the show. I was planning on writing it all in one chapter, but it's way too long, what I still need to cover.**


	36. Staking Claims, Part 1

**Chapter 36: Staking Claims, Part 1**

**note: There are youtube links to the songs in this chapter on my profile. Aice's song in particular is something you might like to hear, since it's like the theme song of her and Jasper's relationship...lol...it's about a girl who's put so much out for a guy who really doesn't deserve or even notice**.

_Bella: Suck My Kiss by Red Hot Chili Peppers_

_Laurent: Get Stoned by Hinder_

_Alice: Been It by Cardigans_

**note: Thanks for all the song suggestions you guys have pm'ed me! I've kept a list of every song suggested so far. A quick note on song choices for these chapters: since Bella is trying to line up the weekly gig for the sports bar, the songs they've picked are with the sports bar's main demographic in mind: young, drinking males. So, alot of the songs that were chosen for these chapters are party anthem type, musical comfort food for the 22 beer suckling male. lol Thus the reason Bella in particular keeps getting sorta machismo laden songs and what not.**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews! I should finish up the show by next chapter-I didn't mean for the show to be this long, but once I start writing and having to fit in all the various storylines going on, it's hard to fit everything in one or two chapters.**

**note: Anthony Kiedis--lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers**

00000000000000000000000000

**JPOV**_(a/n: Song Bella is singing during this part: "Suck My Kiss" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers)_

**"Hit me you can't hurt me **

**SUCK MY KISS"**

Bella was singing with her usual moxie onstage as I walked back to Edward. I fully expected him to interrogate me about what just went down with Seamus. And then I remembered. Edward hadn't been able to focus on anything other than Bella for a month now. Oblivious to my return, he was mouthing the words back to Bella with a wry smile as she sang straight at him:

**"Kiss me please pervert me--stick with this**

**Is she talking dir-ty?**

**Give to me sweet sacred bliss**

**Your mouth was made to SUCK MY KISS"**

"Groupie much," I said, surprising myself with the effeminate bitchiness that came out when I said it.

Edward stared in my direction absentmindedly for a second. His eyes were heavy lidded and a stupid grin was plastered on him. Too much information was written on his face about where his thoughts were at that moment. He nodded his head slightly my way and went back to mouthing the words to Bella. While I found his current state of whipped-ness somewhat annoying, I was glad he had shown some judgement in terms of who to be whipped over. Bella was an interesting girl and on a completely different level than any other girl Edward had pursured. She had the looks and attitude, but Bella also had a depth to her that was unique for someone so young. She reminded me of Alice in that respect, of being singular and distinguished from the girls their age.

Alice...I turned my attention towards her, and she was peering out in the direction of where Seamus was standing. I turned around quickly and saw him talking to Emmett while still holding his jaw. Emmett was cracking up at Seamus while he looked like he was still smarting from my punch. I glanced back at Alice quickly, only to see her expression grow with concern as she watched Seamus. She slowly looked back to me with a look of contempt, and shook her head slowly.

Great. She thinks I hit Seamus without provocation. How can I ever get a break with her when I'm constantly be stacked up against some guy she sees as an saint?

00000000000000000000000000000

**BPOV **_(a/n: "Suck My Kiss" is still playing in this part)_

"**K - I - s - s - I - n - g**

**Chicka chicka dee**

**Love me like a banshee"**

I smirked at Edward as I sang. I knew he liked this song in particular. And the big, loopy grin on his face seemed to indicate he liked me channeling a little Anthony Kiedis as well. His attention was broken for a split second however as he grimaced slightly to the left of him. I followed his gaze--just in time to catch Tanya and one of her friends getting their faux lesbianics on. Tanya and BFF were swaying back and forth together in an embrace, their lips lingering close together. Some of the guys around began to cheer them on, which only encouraged them. Tanya looked right at me with a knowing smile before leaning in and giving her friend a soft kiss on the lips. She then angled back to see if Edward caught the kiss.

Oh, the opening ceremonies were over and the games had just begun between Tanya and I. I could tell. This was classic alpha-female territory marking right now. I was getting too much attention singing, and she couldn't handle it. So, she met my Anthony Kiedis and raised it a T.A.T.U. I wasn't rolling over that easily, however: I smiled right back at her as the song wound down and the applause slowed.

I cleared my throat slightly and put on a super serious face.

"I just wanted to make an announcement to all the girls in the crowd. Contrary to some rumors going around, Joe Francis and his "Girls Gone Wild" video crew are NOT in the building. I repeat: Joe Francis and his "Girls Gone Wild" video crew are NOT in the building." I looked straight at Tanya as I continued.

"So don't bother with the fake lesbian bff crotch grabbing and boob squeezing, ladies. There are no free, .50-cent-made-in-China "Girls Gone Wild " t-shirts or truck driver hats to be had for such fiddle faddling tonight. Ashton Kutcher stopped wearing those trucker hats a half a decade ago anyways." I paused for a moment as a guy was taking pictures of Tanya and said bff with his cellphone.

"I take that back. Joe Francis is not in the building, but Tom Peeper over here is." I pointed to the cellphone boy for everyone to see." He's willing to film you being faux lesbian for free; and in return, he'll upload it on youtube with a title like "My Hot GF Gave Me a 3some 4 My BerfDay!"

Cellphone Boy looked up at me with a big grin and yelled back, "Yeah, it will be uploaded right next to the video I took while trying to look up your skirt earlier!" Edward looked like he wanted to pounce on him, but I just shook my head at Edward and laughed. Aw, now I understood why I was destined to waitress at Casey Moran's now --it had sharpened my tongue so I could handle almost anything that came out of a liquored up, 22 year old guy's mouth who was trying to impress his friends.

"You were one of those creepy kids who tied mirrors to your shoes, huh?"

The crowd burst out in laughter, and Cellphone Boy joined along. Tanya shot me a glare. I may have neutralized her attention seeking faux lesbianic guiles for now with my smart assness, but I had a feeling she wasn't backing down for good.

Alice leaned in closer. "How anemic was that performance of theirs? We could so outlesbian them if we needed to. Just say the word and we'll show everyone how Bella likes to keep it in the Cullen family." Alice gave me a reassuring nod and a pat on the back as I shook my head in laughter.

000000000000000000000000000

**EPOV **_(a/n: Song Laurent is singing during this section is Hinder's "Get Stoned.")_

Laurent was warbling in the background as he started a new song, but my eyes were still fixed on Cellphone Boy. I kept staring at his cellphone, wanting to smash it into pieces now for taking cheap shots of my girl. I had noticed him hanging right below Bella as she sang earlier, but I didn't understand what he was doing.

"Oh, stop mad dogging the cellphone guy, " Jasper chided me. "Bella could handle him with one arm tied behind her back. You are a day late and a dollar short if you want to save her now."

I shot him a glare and was ready to respond, but Laurent started making his move. He started making his move from his microphone over to Bella's. His nipple rings better keep a safe distance from Bella's personal space, was all I could think. Jasper snickered as I eyed Laurents approach.

**You wear me out**

**But it's on right now**

Jasper held up his glass while jangling the ice cubes loudly together. "Let's see who has such good ice cube control now."

Laurent hovered closely over Bella as he started wailing overdramatically:

**"Lets go home...and get stoned**

**We could end up makin love instead of misery"**

I knew it was just a song, but I couldn't help but grimace at him singing those words at Bella. My sweet Bella...who I noticed was opening her mouth now...as if she was about to sing as well...wait...on shit...Together they sang the next line:

**"Go home and get stoned**

**Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me"**

Jasper burst out in hysterical laughter, accidentally spilling his drink on himself. He saw my opened mouth and wide eyes and simply nodded. "They sure harmonize well together, huh?"

Laurent yelped out into Bella's face: "**You wear me out"**

While

Bella responded: "**We could end up making love instead of misery"**

I eyed Jasper's drink, and it didn't escape his notice. He cupped his hand over his glass.

"No more Laurent ice cube flinging. It will piss off the girls. And apparently, it will piss off the New Zealanders too. Emmett will probably tackle you if you so much as hold an ice cube up over your head--"

I quickly slapped Jasper's cupped hand and dug my hand into his drink--coming up with a fist full of cubes.

"What the hell are you doing," Jasper retorted," you owe me a drink!"

I fantasized that I could see a bullseye on Laurent's head as I began to raise my arm. However, Bella got my attention and gave me a sweet smile. A sweet smile that said, "Wow, you are such a great boyfriend. Thanks for being so supportive. And for not pelting ice cubes at my bandmate's overly straight-ironed-haired-head."

I sighed and put my fist down. Bella knew how to get me to do what she wanted with the silghtest look of the eyes and lips-she was the most dangerous creature ever.

**RPOV**

Emmett went back to hanging by his friends, but he'd give me a smile every couple minutes. I decided to call him over when his head inevitably turned my way again.

"Yeah, Rose?" He leaned in slightly to hear me better, but was still maintaning a safe distance from me.

"You want something to drink?" I sounded so pleasant when I asked, I found it just as jarring as he seemed to. "Wait, you don't drink, drink right?"

He shook his head. " I can drink soda, though."

I started getting him a Coke, when he stopped me.

"It's okay, I actually don't drink caffeinated sodas, either." I looked at him like he was Mars.

"So...let me get this straight. You pray and fast alot, can't drink or smoke, don't have sex, and can't even imbibe in a Coke? What the hell do you Mormons do for fun?"

"Dancing. Lots and lots of dancing. It gets all the nervous wiggles out. Swing, ballroom, you name it." He was trying not to laugh as my face turned into a frown.

"Wow, that's a visual that may give me nightmares tonight, Emmett...Wait, a minute, I saw "Footloose" and it was set in Utah. I thought Mormons couldn't dance."

"Footloose wasn't a documentary, Rose." I stuck my tongue out at him. "In fact, my friends are having a big luau in a couple weeks. You should come and check it out for yourself to see all the Mormons dancing up a storm. Don't underestimate a room full of virgins and a strong beat."

"Yet another image to give me nightmares tonight, Emmett. Thanks." He laughed loudly as I got an idea. I mixed together a drink quickly and slapped it right in front of him.

"What's this? Koolaid?" He lifted the glass up, checking out the cherries inside and the deep, fake red color.

"A _Shirley Temple_. Apparently, that's the only drink I can make you from the bar that will fulfill your requirements." I turned around quickly, picked up to mini-umbrellas and plunked them on top of the concoction. He shook his head as if to scold me.

"Well, at least you'll know I'm comfortable enough with my masculinity to cradle a drink that looks like this." I laughed and started filling some orders that were piling up.

No more than two minutes later, I saw a beautiful girl approach Emmett. She greeted him flirtatiously; he answered her back politely, throwing a quick glance my way.

"So, what are you drinking there, "she giggled. Great-I just gave Emmett a total conversation starter for a drink.

"Um...I forgot..." Emmett looked quickly at me and caught me watching. A slight smile played on his lips. "What is this drink called, Rose?"

"A _Shirley Temple_, " I barked out, looking away from them. The girl chuckled at the answer and put her hand on his shoulders. She introduced herself as Kristen. Emmett introduced himself politely in return. He kept stealing glances my way while Kristen chuckled through the basic getting-to-know-you conversation. God, I hate chucklers. What's more, Kristen's chuckle sounded more like a hyena cackle at times when Emmett got her going. I filled two more orders, and the girl was still running her mouth off as Emmett settled in on facing on the band while she talked.

"You've never eaten a Snickerdoodle before?" My head turned briskly in their direction when I heard Kristen's incredulous tone. Emmett pretended to drink his Shirley Temple while staring at me with helpless eyes. He shook his head at her and shrugged. What the hell is this girl going on about?

"No, I've never even heard of them. Are they a cookie?"

She raised an eyebrow. "A warm, sweet, tasty cookie, that you'd want to lick right up." She leaned in closer with each new adjective. My hand was on the soda water pump, in the middle of mixing a drink, when said hand took matters into it's own...hand. Said hand lifted the soda water pump up in Kristen's direction and pushed the button.

"What the hell are you doing??" Kristen stood up quickly, touching the side of her head I barely grazed with the soda water stream. More than anything, I was suprised at how much air the soda water got when it was released from the pump--impressive. Kristen stomped her foot, insisting I acknowledge her. So I did.

"That's a man of God you are talking to, you dumb ass. Show more respect for God's chosen messengers. He's one step away from a freaking priest-why else would he be cradling a Goddamn Shirley Temple?"

I looked over at Emmett, and his eyes were as wide as saucers. Crap, I just argued for the side of God while taking His name in vain and cussing simultaneously. Kristen stomped off as Emmett's expression softened.

He raised his Shirley Temple to me in salute, threw back his glass, finished the Shirley Temple in one gulp, and threw down the glass dramatically. "Hit me again, bartender." A wicked smile spread onto his face as he pointed at his glass with his lips. Why did I find lip directing so attractive? "Just put the soda water pump down first, you are a little dangerous with that thing."

I started making him another one: " I hope you have a designated driver for tonight. These drinks are a little strong on the Maraschino Cherries. I don't know how well you handle your Maraschino."

"Are you offering to be my designated driver," he teased. "Oh, and by the way, Rose. For future reference, God's chosen messengers are angels." He smiled as he put his elbows up on the bar.

"Anyone who gets my landlord to replace my water heater IS an angel." I looked down shyly for a second, worrying he'd take that the wrong way. It was unnatural for me to try to be nice at my bartending job. I was so used to wearing a thick suit of aggressive armor, that any attempt to try to be congenial seemed to fail miserably. The words ended up sounding forced and unnatural.

"It's okay, Rose," Emmett said in a low tone.

It ripped me out of my thoughts and I raised my head defensively in his direction. "What does that mean anyways, " I asked defiantly. "You've said that to me before--why are you always saying that?" Sometimes Emmett came off as well meaning yet overly presumptious. I hate presumptions.

His eyes were gentle as he shrugged. "I honestly don't know why I say that to you, Rose. But for some reason, I feel like you need to hear it. That it's going to be okay."

000000000000000000000000000

**JPOV **_(song playing during this part: "Been It" by the Cardigans)_

For just one moment, I tried to filter out all the negativity of the last half hour. I put Seamus'' stinging words to the side, along with Alice's icy stares. All I wanted to do was focus on the girl with the bass onstage. Alice didn't so much as fidget as she was getting ready to sing. The song that the band started playing was unfamiliar to me, but it somehow _sounded_ like Alice. It was bouncy and light hearted sounding and catchy. Alice had always drawn people to her from the minute they met her. She was the essence of "catchy."

She looked radiant up there, and all the qualities that I've always loved about her were shining through. Her ability to make everything look effortless, from her stunning appearance, to her bass playing, to her stage presence. Her confidence and poise--she stood up there like she had been doing this forever. Bella was great onstage, but sometimes she tried too hard to play the bad girl when I knew deep down she was more squeaky clean than a mouseketeer. But Alice? Everything she did onstage was organic and rang true about who she was.

She caught my gaze and met it with equal intensity. Her lips pouted slightly for a second before she started into the song:

**baby boy**

**Your face is pretty and your life's a toy**

Her eyes looked hard at me as she sneered the last line. Was she somehow making these words up on the fly? Because that sounded like a dig at me.

**what are you gonna try to be**

**where are you gonna go without me now**

She shook her head forcefully as she sang those words toward me. What started out as a moment to simply enjoy her sing was turning into something else. It was starting to feel more like an episode of "This Is Your Life."

**I've been you mother, I've been your father**

**who can ask me for more?**

**I've been your sister, I've been your mistress**

**maybe I was your whore?**

**who could ask me for more?**

I felt like the wind was socked right out of me all over again; but this time, the force didn't come from Seamus' fist. It came from the words Alice was singing with so much feeling. I looked around reflexively, completely sure everyone knew that she was laying out our history in those lyrics. I had always trumpeted the fact that I was her big brother. And yet, in retrospect, she fulfilled many more roles in my life than just sister. Hers was the window I'd constantly knock on after midnight in high school, when I couldn't stand being in my house for yet another ugly showdown between my parents when they still lived together. She'd let me into her bed, but not before making me her heralded banana-peanut butter-honey sandwiches and lending me a sympathetic ear.

We never did anything physically but cuddle and comfort eachother; and yet, there was an silent understanding that no one could know what we were up to. Not her parents, not Edward, not her friends, definitely not the girls I was dating at the moment. And I started it right up again when she came to college when I think about it. I did it under the guise of wanting to bring her breakfast and walk her to school--that was my alibi to Edward at least. But getting into her bed while she slowly woke up was always a part of the ritual, and only Bella was privy to that detail. It never occurred to me until lately just how I must have made her feel, keeping so much of our relationship to one another a secret. How in many ways, she might have felt like the "other woman"--the one I kept in the background while giving less worthy girls the public recognition that she truly deserved. _Maybe I was your whore..._

**Sweetiepie**

**I'm you personal pro, you know**

**you know what number to try when you cry**

She smiled at me innocently, but I heard the scorn behind the grin.

**I've been you mother, I've been your father**

**who can ask me for more?**

**I've been your sister, I've been your mistress**

**maybe I was your whore?**

The sneer was slowly being replaced by a more defeated emotion over her face. Regret? Sadness? I wasn't sure. All I knew was that her head was shaking side to side. Shaking as she named off all the different roles she played in my life--mother, father, sister, mistress; roles that were given as gifts to me willingly, even when it was at Alice's own expense. Everyone around me was clueless to the dark undertones of the song, and it's direct message to me. I could tell by all the bobbing heads and dazzled faces that they simply saw a sexy girl singing a catchy song. And wasn't that how I had set things up for Alice all these years? To have Alice maintain a happy face while keeping what we truly had hidden from public view?

But the public facade was breaking down right before me. Alice stared at me hard then shut her eyes. She sang the last words breathlessly:

**You still ask me for more?**

Even with her lids closed, I could see that they were fluttering furiously, trying to stop the inevitable from happening. It was too late though; a tear escaped, finding refuge on top of her quivering lip.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000

a/n: I wanted to thank **withthevampsofcourse** for letting me steal her snickerdoodles!lol

a/n: happy birth--I'meanvacation--day, ereeen..!


	37. Your Touch

**Chapter 37: Your Touch**

_**note: Thanks for all the reviews!**_

_**note: All the song links in this chapter are found in my profile. Bella's song dedication to Edward in particular, "Your Touch," may be one to check out!**_

_**note: I had more to add to this chappie, but I'm getting tired of writing...lol...so I"m gonna have a mini-bonus chapter/slash/show epilogue out by Saturday or so.**_ _**Some were asking for J/A material specifically, so that will be included in the next chapter**__._

**note: This chappie is dedicated to all the comic-con ladies who are bringing me back pictures and tales of Twilight goodness...Right ladies? You did get photographic proof...right??**

--

_Last chapter:_

_JPOV_

**"I've been you mother, I've been your father**

**who can ask me for more?**

**I've been your sister, I've been your mistress**

**maybe I was your whore?"**

_The sneer was slowly being replaced by a more defeated emotion over her face. Regret? Sadness? I wasn't sure. All I knew was that her head was shaking side to side. Shaking as she named off all the different roles she played in my life--mother, father, sister, mistress; roles that were given as gifts to me willingly, even when it was at Alice's own expense. Everyone around me was clueless to the dark undertones of the song, and it's direct message to me. I could tell by all the bobbing heads and dazzled faces that they simply saw a sexy girl singing a catchy song. And wasn't that how I had set things up for Alice all these years? To have Alice maintain a happy face while keeping what we truly had hidden from public view?_

_But the public facade was breaking down right before me. Alice stared at me hard then shut her eyes. She sang the last words breathlessly:_

_You still ask me for more?_

_Even with her lids closed, I could see that they were fluttering furiously, trying to stop the inevitable from happening. It was too late though; a tear escaped, finding refuge on top of her quivering lip._

0000000000000000000000

**BPOV**

Her shakey voice at the end of the song was the first red flag that went up. And then I saw it; the tear that fell down her cheek so quickly, it would have been easy to miss it. I gave Laurent a quick signal that we needed to take our set break now and then went over to Alice's side.

"That sounded great, honey," I said nonchalantly, as I picked her up by the waist and pretended to be goofing around as I carried her offstage. The minute the crowd couldn't see us, I gave her a hug.

"What's up, buttercup?" She just shook her head and let me rock her back and forth for a minute. I gave Mike and Laurent a head tilt to keep on moving and leave us alone.

"That song was...incredible, Alice. I bet Jasper's slitting his wrists with some butter knives as we speak." Alice let out a soft chuckle.

"Knowing him, he _would_ use butter knives to slit his wrists. He can never commit to anything." We sat down for a second while she composed herself.

I lifted up my skirt and wiped her face where the makeup had run slightly. My action perked her up. She waved her hands quickly in front of her eyes, manually drying her face.

"Oh, hell, I'm so not messing up my makeup over him."

"Aw, that's my girl!" I burst out. "Makeup always trumps silly, stinky boys."

Alice smiled, but then sobered for a second. "Did you see Seamus take Jasper outside?"

My eyes grew wide. "Yeah. How hot was that?" My eyes glazed over for a quick second, imagining the very blonde and tall and toned Jasper grappling on the parking lot ground with the more compact-yet-muscular, dark haired Seamus. Alice simply shrugged. Leave it to Alice to be the the reason He-Man and Malibu Barbie Ken Doll rumble, and for her to not think twice about it. Just another day in the life of a beautiful Cullen family member.

"All I know is they came back inside arm in arm and laughing, " I added. "And to be honest, they don't get along like that. Something's up. Maybe we can get it out of Emmett. I'll bribe him with some onion rings; or better yet, onion rings and Rose's number."

--

As Alice cleaned up her makeup, I went to go fetch her some water. Before me was a landmine of sorts as I made my way down the backhall. Three guys stood along the length of the walkway I was coming down, evenly distributed about five feet away from one another. Jasper was the closest to me; next, came James; and finally, Edward. Odd.

"Bella! Is Alice back there, still?" Jasper was trying to subtly move past me and head in that direction. I caught him by the arm.

"She is, but honestly, Jasper? Why don't you talk to her after the show? I know that's hard to ask of you, but she's trying to collect herself right now." I raised an eyebrow to let him know I understood what was going on. He grimaced, leaned in closer, and whispered quietly.

"Please, Bella. I need to talk to her now." His voice was desperate. I couldn't help but laugh slightly. The guy had waited all this time to act, and he picks this time to finally make a move?

"I know you need to. But she needs to calm down and focus. Just be patient, Jas. It will be worth the wait, and she'll appreciate it." He nodded his head and let out a huge breath. I gave him a quick hug, and then turned around to see James and Edward watching us intently. Gulp--onto potential Landmine #2.

"James, thanks again for bringing your friends. That was really sweet." I wondered if I acted pleasantly oblivious to his emo antics out there earlier during his song dedication, he might just let it go. I was wrong. He met me mid-step and motioned me over to the wall, giving a quick glance over his shoulders. When he saw Edward behind him, he let out a fustrated laugh and waved at him.

"What," I asked him as he got closer, like he wanted to have a private conversation. He leaned against the wall with his head and shoulder. I got on my tippy toes and peeked over at Edward. He was annoyed; however, when he saw me watching him, he tried to change his scowl into a smile.

"Listen, about the song dedication..." He seemed to actually be at a loss for words for once.

"Yeah...about that song dedication. Who knew when I picked it, you were gonna get all Shakespearean on my ass?!" I decided to go with humor sprinkled with some profanity to lighten things up. His head tilted to the other side as he laughed.

"Yeah, I'm over my tantrum. Sorry about that. I don't know though, I was just...surprised that you of all people would pick something like that."

"Suprised how?"

He shrugged his shoulders sheepishly. " I don't know, Bells. " Bells?

"I just try hard to be extra well behaved for you because I know you expect nothing less. I thought maybe your song choice would have been...more reflective of how I am with you as a result. You know what I mean?"

I mulled over what he had said. "I actually think I do, James. Like I went for the easy, cliched choice of calling you a heartless whore, right?" He nodded as he chuckled. "Well, keep in mind, James, I imagined you with a bunch of testosteroned kick boxer dudes too though. So, a song entitled, "You Are A Swell, Shakespeare Quoting Guy, James" could have been inappropriate, given the audience. You know what I mean?" It was my turn to raise my eyebrow his way.

He thought it over and laughed quietly. "You're right. Sorry I acted like that earlier." He paused and shot me a blindingly bright smile. Someone's been using his Crest White Strips faithfully. "You're pretty swell yourself, Bells. I'm glad I've gotten to know you better at school this semester. "

Awkward. Tracker boy was being sorta sweet...with my boyfriend 5 feet away. I smiled, and did the only thing I could, given the circumstances. I raised my hand for an equally awkward high five. "Put it there, Champ." He laughed and indulged me while rolling his eyes.

"Go...go to your man already. I see you peeking over my shoulder. Don't let the pimp hold you up any longer," he said, still chuckling, although his smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

0000000

**EPOV**

Of all the nights I had to be unconditionally supportive, it was the night James played the wounded, emotional puppy card. While Bella can be a hard cookie to crack, she did have her soft spots. And one of the biggest soft spots was her love for the underdog and the downtrodden. She was the type of girl who could attract every stray cat, puppy, or human within a 10 mile radius of her. And watching all of James' mannerisms at this instant, right down to his meekly lowered head, made my skin crawl.

Bella was always proper in her behavior. I never had to worry about her being a flirt or being easily flattered by guys. It wasn't in her nature to need that; if anything, she shied away from that type of attention that many girls her age crave. But give her someone with a problem and a sad face, and she'll be offering a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on immediately. Watching James with her right now made me wonder if he simply changed tactics in terms of wanting to get her attention.

Bella gave James a high five and then hurried onto me with bright eyes. I gave her a quick kiss and snaked my arms around her waist while telling her how well she did onstage.

"What did James want?" I couldn't help but ask.

She shook her head. "He thought my song choice for him was a little harsh."

I let out a cynical snort, and she shh'ed me. "Be nice. I tell you these things because I trust that I can."

"Well, just be careful okay?" She asked of what.

"Of someone like him taking advantage of you being a warm and caring person." I slipped in another kiss while it was her turn to snort.

"What, Bella? It's true. I know you like to act jaded, but you are quite sweet. All your black eyeliner and cussing can't change that fact. Look at how nice you were to Tanya the other day at school when you met her, even though she wasn't exactly friendly to you. You always give everyone the benefit of the doubt."

Bella threw her head back in laughter as she began to drag me to the bar. "I wasn't being friendly to her, silly. Hasn't Alice taught you the basics of Girl Code yet? I was peeing all over you in that moment, Edward. Just whizzing away merrily."

I gave her a confused look and she shook her head again in disbelief.

"Let me break it down for you, Edward. She was throwing her big bullet boobs all over, trying to establish dominance as the alpha-female when I walked up with James. Don't think I didn't notice her stabbing your arm with that cockeyed nipple of hers, either." She gave me a knowing look as she made a gameshow hostess hand presentation around her breasts. "Now, as the modest b-cup that I am, she expected me to cower in her big breasted presence. But I didn't. In fact, I initiated conversation with her, didn't stare once at her hooters while dominating the conversation, and kept both James' and your attentions with my sparkling wit and charm. She found me very territorial and uppity for my cup size, let me tell you." And Alice said I was so Discovery Channel...

I cracked up and twirled her around. "Enough about those two idiots. I just wanted you to know how amazing you are up there, Bella. You give me butterflies when I watch you sing and play." I couldn't wipe the big, dumb grin off my face that was reserved especially for Bella interaction if I wanted to.

I expected her to laugh or tease where those butterflies were located exactly; instead, she got very quiet. She placed her hand on my cheek as her eyes teared up a little. "Edward, I would have never even thought of doing this on my own. You are the only reason I'm doing it right now. Thanks." She wrapped her arms around my neck tightly. "Thanks for thinking I'm capable of more than I realize I am half the time."

I leaned into her with my head. "Anytime, Bells."

000000000000

**APOV **_(a/n: Laurent sings Buckcherry's "Crazy Bitch;" Mike sings Kaiser Chief's "Ruby")_

"Mike, **WWBD**?" He stared at me in confusion. I sighed dramatically. "Don't you even know who your fashion patron saint is, Mikey? Your model for manhood in general?"

He kept staring at me like I was from Mars.

"**W**hat **W**ould **B**eckham **D**o?" We were about to start our second half of the set, and Bella and I were hovering over Mike at his drums with threatening faces. He was suppossed to start off singing Buckcherry's "_Crazy Bitch_," a dirty little ditty made even dirtier with Angel Face Mike spewing out the words.

"What would Beckham do? Beckham would get off the stage because he doesn't play drums." Mike's defiant stare stood firm.

"No, David Beckham would not give up. You think slight discomfort stops him from making soccer points?"

"Goals," Mike corrected, "Soccer goals, Alice."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Let me put it this way; do you think Beckham nabbed a Spice Girl by being meek...or bold?"

"I don't want a Spice Girl. I want the nice girl over there, and I dont think the way to get her attention is to scream about getting effing laid with a crazy bitch." Angela was pausing at the bar watching us at that moment.

I took a quick moment out of my tough love speech to mouth "awww" to Bella. She had introduced Mike to Angela, a fellow waitress at Casey's, during the break and sparks flew. Well, sparks flew Mike style. He got tongue tied and wide eyed; likewise, she blushed and played with her hair. Mike self consciously kept his eyes glued to her eyes, trying not to gaze at her skimpy outfit; in turn, Angela tried to cover her cleavage inducing top with her tray. Mike focused his pleading eyes on Bella.

"Bella, you yourself didn't want to sing "_Crazy Bitch" _for the same reason I don't. You guys are female chauvinists!"

"No we aren't, " I countered. " We just think it's fun to watch Mikey bust out the sexy time here and there." He looked unconvinced.

"You just think it's fun to watch my virginal lips spout out f-bombs," he clarified. "Hey, why aren't we named the Virgins instead of the Jezebels by the way? That's more fitting." Laurent walked up to our gathering now and Bella pointed at him while answering Mike's question.

"Because Laurent is in the group. And his sexing probably makes up for all three of our lack of sexing." Laurent slapped her playfully on the head while Mike's stare zeroed in on Bella even more.

'Bella, could I sing "_Ruby"_ and Laurent can sing "_Crazy Bitch_?" "_Ruby"_ is more my speed and the lyrics are great and then you'll have one less song to sing. It will give you a rest.'

Bella's face fell instantly. The boys didn't know it, but Bella had hand picked "_Ruby" _to dedicate to Edward-at least to him privately. Almost every song Bella was picked to sing tonight revolved around sexual misadventures of various kinds. After promising James a song, she was determined to sing one to Edward that lyrically didn't limit her to singing about having vast amounts of sex in public places.

"Please?" Mike's puppy dog eyes were almost as pathetic as mine when I pleaded-impressive.

Bella let out a deep breath. "You know I can't say no to you, Mike."

And so Laurent opened instead with "_Crazy Bitch_." Everytime Laurent growled out about having scratches all down his back, you could literally feel the wave of lust toppling over us onstage from the females in the audience. The song was hilarious and sexy when Bella or Mike sang it. But put into the capable and sexually active hands of Laurent? If I had a dollar for every biting lip and glazed over set of eyes in the crowd, I could buy Laurent his own Pope-mobile to protect him from the female sexual feeding frenzy that threatend to erupt at any moment.

But of course the frenzy stopped abruptly once Mike followed up with _Ruby_. Whereas Laurent sparked fantasies of one night stands that would hold greater priority in a gal's memory bank than her actual wedding night, Mike sparked fantasies of the boy you wanted to bring home to Mom and share a mortgage with. His voice sounded so sweet as he sang directly in Angela's direction:

**"Let it never be said that romance is dead**

**'Cos there's so little else occupying my head"**

Edward always joked that no one should ever bet against me and my hunches. But Mike proved me wrong tonight. You can take the boy out of Nice Town, dress him up like a Soccer god, and make him sing lyrics that would make Howard Stern blush. But you can't take the Nice Town outta the boy--and that's probably a good thing.

000000000000000000000000000

**EPOV **_(a/n: Bella is singing "Love In An Elevator" by Aerosmith)_

**"Eddie's in the elevator**

**Lingerie second floor**

**He said can I see you later**

**And love you just a little more?"**

She bit her lip slightly after singing the last line, and I scolded her with my eyes. Bella told me she was doing a musical version of "Where's Waldo" for me tonight in all her songs, and was going to insert my name at some point in each of the lyrics. It was my job to listen for her mini-shoutouts to me. Which would have been sweet if she were singing campfire songs; however, since every song she sang revolved around the subject of mind blowing sex, it turned the proceedings more into a "Where's Edward's Little Waldo?" edition.

Bella was such a tease. Give her a stage and a microphone, and she'll grind out lyrics towards me that would get me slapped if I so much as uttered them in her direction. But the minute she was done performing, she could outnun Sister Maria half of the time.

Sex seemed like the last frontier in our relationship in terms of me having no clue on how to proceed with Bella. I knew Bella wanted to go slowly, and I was supportive of that...in theory at least. But whether she knew it or not, Bells was a naturally sensuous person who made the smallest gestures alluring. Just how she would hold my hand, threading her fingers in and out of mine, had a sensual undercurrent to it. It made things somewhat confusing as a result. What would seem like perhaps a cue or a signal for me to proceed further, was simply Bella innocently doing what came natural for her. And it was my responsibility to know the difference. So far, I had a horrible track record in making those distinctions.

It didn't help my judgement that everything always seemed to be simmering just below the surface between us physically. And in moments like this, where she would sing a lyric so brazenly while smirking at me, I couldn't help but wonder if we had finally gotten a boil on. She had mentioned that her last song was a song she hand picked for me; so if it was anything like the other songs she was singing tonight, I was going to have to find a cinderblock to sit on my lap to get through the song.

She broke her gaze with me for a moment as she concentrated on her guitar playing. Something suddenly occurred to me in that moment. I was at peace. I wasn't being mocked or jabbed or moose called while vying for Bella's attention. I turned around, wondering why James wasn't being an ass tonight like he had been in the past. My eyes finally found him to the right of me.

He wasn't standing by the group of friends he brought; instead, he was leaning alone against the wall, with one leg bent at the knee behind him. James was knocking back a beer bottle while keeping time with his head. It was his stare and demeanor I noticed most, however. He was watching Bella intently, and his eyes followed her slightest move. The expression on his face was hard to read. But there was a hint of sullenness and fustration somewhere in the mix. Without notice, he glanced in my direction, his eyes narrowing. And then he put his mask back on. He raised his beer to me in a friendly manner and began to head bang more exaggeratedly. Moose Call James was back in business.

Something wasn't right there as I continued to watch him. I almost missed the loud, obnoxious James who would throw gang signs at Bella and yelp at her. At least I knew where he was at all times and he was easy to laugh off. This quiet, brooding version of James seemed less predictable--and more serious in his intentions.

000000000

**RPOV **_(Alice in the background rapping M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes)_

_""I honestly don't know why I say that to you, Rose. But for some reason, I feel like you need to hear it. That it's going to be okay."_

That's all Emmett had said to me. In retrospect, it wasn't presumptious. He said himself he didn't know why he said that to me. Just that he thought I needed to hear it. It was sweet, and most likely sincere. And I twisted it into something else. I imagined him pitying me. I imagined he had heard about my past and saw me as some lost puppy who needed Hallmark greeting card affirmations to get through the day. The thought of him knowing my past then colored all his past actions towards me. Maybe that's why he helped me with the landlord and the water heater and the lock. I despised being someone's charity case.

I got defensive, and told him he seemed to think he knew me better than he did. I mentioned the times we had been together, he sat around silently for the most part like a bump on a log anyways. It's not like we had interacted alot for him to make such hunches about me. My words seemed flip but not too harsh. I thought I was holding back because I still made sure not to cuss around him.

But when I finally looked his way, I froze. He was staring at me like I had slapped him. He apologized quietly, excused himself, and he and his friends left soon afterward. Now it was my turn to feel dazed. I silently went about filling orders, replaying the exchange in my head. The more I replayed it, the more I realized I had been the one who was being presumptious. My response came soley from the idea he felt sorry for what happened to me a year back. The more I thought of it, however, the more I realized he couldn't know. Bella would be the only person who could have told him, and she would never do that.

Maybe he simply saw a girl with a lot of walls up and a mouth always ready to lash out at the smallest provocation. That reality alone could lead someone like Emmett to want to reassure her. Me. I wiped up some spilt coke on the bar. Alice was onstage, rapping her way through a rockified version M.I.A's "Paper Planes." Bella joined in on the chorus, and both of them were trying to make it through the lines without cracking up:

**"All I wanna do is (BANG BANG BANG BANG!)**

**And (KKKAAAA CHING!)**

**And take your money"**

Alice pointed at her friend Jasper during the "bang/bang/bang/bang" part and pretended to unload a round of bullets in him, gang-star style. Bella's head snapped back in hysterics. Seeing them both having fun together onstage made me wish I could be up there with them too. I was going to miss having Bella to talk to during work shifts now, and wasn't sure if her new job description would affect our budding friendship. Bella unknowingly stepped into my life and befriended me like no one else had been able to for awhile. She seemed to come as a package deal too, with a good group of friends. Alice didn't give me a choice about liking her, she simply waltzed in the door one day and insisted we were going to become good friends. And then there were Seamus and...Emmett.

Alice was singing the chorus again and flashed a gang sign at Jasper. I let out a laugh and glanced over where Emmett had been sitting previously. He had been my co-commentator earlier in the evening regarding Bella and Alice's onstage antics.

I made my way to his now-empty stool. I had been putting it off, but it was time. I picked up his still-half empty Shirley Temple and wiped down his area, erasing any remnant of his presence.

0000000000

**EPOV **_(a/n: Song Bella is singing: "Caress Me Down," Sublime)_

**"And it went - uhhhhhh**

**And the girl caress me down- uhhhh**

**And thats that lovin sou--nd"**

I stood there in a daze, my mouth wide open. This was Bella's last song. This was her dedication to me. A song about a girl giving her man good lovin'. My head was spinning, the air coming too fast and shallow.

Maybe Bella had rethought all of her careful rules about our sexual relationship--or lack of. Maybe there was more significance in this night than I'd originally guessed. My heart pounded almost painfully as I waited for her answer to my forthcoming question. I looked her right in her eyes as the song was finishing and people were beginning to applaud.

"Did you change your mind?" I meant to only mouth it, but my voice insisted on carrying the message to her as well.

Bella's smile quickly faded. Oh shit. She mouthed back, "_Don't be ridiculous_." She played it off like she was being humorous, but I could see it in her eyes. She was taken aback by my question.

00000000000

**BPOV **

"Did you change your mind?"

Edward semi-yelled the question towards me with saucer wide eyes. For a brief second, I didn't understand his meaning. And then it struck me.

Oh, shit. I had told him my last song would be my dedication song for him. The last song originally was suppossed to be the Kaiser Chief's "_Ruby_." But then I switched my songs around so Mike could woo Angela with "_Ruby_." Which...left me singing "Caress Me Down" as the last song. Edward's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets at the moment, due to the song's explicit lyrics.

I didn't think twice as I mouthed back, "_Don't be ridiculous_." All I meant was that I would pick a more meaningful song for him than a song that included the line, "I'm hornier than Ron Jeremy." But I regretted it the minute I blurted it out, because Edward's face fell. He took my response as judgemental about his assumptions. Like I was disapproving of his perfectly understandable thoughts, given the circumstances.

I noticed Tanya making her way over to him now from behind. No doubt her titanium hard nipples would be poking into his back within seconds. They'll probably leave bruised indentions on him. All night she had been fluttering around him, either directly engaging him or trying to get his attention in some capacity.

"Bella, come on..." Alice was heading offstage and motioning me to follow. Our set was through, and we all wanted to see what Casey thought of us.

But my feet stayed frozen where they were. Tanya was still hovering around Edward like a Black Widow. She was doing nothing outrageous at all if I was being honest. She was merely talking to him at close range. It was just her mere presence at all that was annoying me. I hated to admit it, but she was bringing out my inner territorial cavewoman.

Something inside me snapped. I wanted to take that sad look off Edward's face, knowing he felt embarrassed for asking if I had changed my mind. I wanted to let him know that it was a misunderstanding with the song dedications and that he wasn't ridiculous at all. I wanted Tanya's bullet nipples to be dislodged from my boyfriend's back. And most of all, I wanted to sing something to Edward. I had dedicated a damn song to James of all people, and hadn't even gotten to do the same for him. Edward had done so much to make this happen tonight, and I wanted him to know how grateful I was. And not with some cheesy song about sex since I obviously wasn't going to make good on that promise;at least, not tonight. I wanted a song that fit where I was, right here, right now, in relation to him.

I looked around frantically. Alice and Laurent had already walked off the stage. Ditto for Julian and Niles. Mike was on his way out as well. I looked back into the audience. The crowd was slowly turning around in the opposite direction. I walked over to Mike and grabbed his hand.

"You owe me for stealing "_Ruby_," Buster. Now sit back down and help a sister out." I whispered in his ear the only fitting song I imagined we could do together at the moment as a musical party of two, and then I ran back up to the mic.

"Edward, THIS song's for you."

000000000000000

**EPOV **_(a/n: Bella sings The Black Keys' "Your Touch")_

I was turning around, ready to head out. Tanya was droning on about something, but the only thing I could hear right now was Bella smirking out "Don't be ridiculous." I felt like a child who had been scolded right now by Bella. It wasn't exactly the way I expected the show to end. I was utterly confused by her song dedication and then her response to my question. It was a logical question in light of the song choice!

"Edward! THIS song is for you."

I turned around to catch Bella taking a quick gulp from her water bottle and then making the Cross sign with her fingers. A funny gesture, given the fact her mother was raised Baptist. Bella looked back at Mike, and then started in. The opening guitar riff alone gave off a very different vibe than the rest of the songs she had played tonight. Niles had told her she was best suited for male swaggering rock songs, and that's exactly the type of music she performed tonight. Songs that you would imagine hearing in the parking lot of a sports stadium, during a pre-game tailgating party. She pulled off the songs and the bravado without a hitch.

But that wasn't the real Bella. Bella's natural musical style was more soulful, less polished. As Mike started in with the drumming and Bella continued with the instantly catchy guitar hook, I couldn't help but think: "THIS is the real Bella." The sound was stripped down, more rough--and Bella never looked more at home onstage with just her guitar and a drum beat. Her naturally bluesy voice eased into the lyrics effortlessly:

**"And I want it**

**And you've got it**

**So much"**

She was staring right at me, just as she had all night while singing. But this was different. There were no precocious winks or smiles thrown my way this time. Bella's eyes slowly surveyed me from head to toe, never breaking her stare. The girl was going to be the death of me.

**"I'm crazy for**

**Your Touch"**

A guitar slide followed at this point, and she jutted out her ass slightly while her lips pouted. Death. Of. Me.

**"Your Touch**

**Your Touch**

**Your Touch"**

Every time she repeated the refrain, she'd either grind into her guitar or push out her ass reflexively. I could tell it wasn't anything choreographed. She was simply reacting to the driving beats while she played. And yet, it was driving me crazy to watch as her eyelids lowered slightly each time.

**"And I'll be good**

**Like I should"**

She sang the words tauntingly at me, her eyes narrowing in my direction.

**"Waiting Is Such Misery**

**I Need**

**Your Touch**

**Your Touch"**

Her whole body was reacting now to Mike's drumming. Her hip grinding was taking turns with her back arching in time with the beat. Her breasts were swaying just slightly offbeat as a result. The movements were subtle, but that's what made them hotter. When Tanya was full on grinding earlier with her friend, it was so overexaggerated and angular looking, it looked like she was having convulsions. But Bella's movements were just enough to hint at things she was capable of. Coupled with her playing guitar, it was the sexiest thing I'd ever witnessed from her.

My last couple thoughts jarred me suddenly, as I remembered I wasn't watching Bella in the privacy of her dorm room. We were in a public setting. And I quickly realized I wasn't the only one enjoying the view. Whereas a lot of the guys were enthusiastic and hollering whenever Bella sang earlier tonight, many of them were watching in a stupored silence now. And not in a respectable, "wow, that girl has excellent musicality!" stupored silence. But in the collective, dumbstruck silence you see when naked girls dance on poles while 25 stupored men look on. Not exactly what I wanted to see in the middle of my Bella dedication fantasy--a room full of guys officially inducting my girlfriend into their personal spank banks.

Before I had time to worry myself over that fact though, the song was over. Bella-the-seductress gave way to Clumsy Bella as she took in the applause self consciously. She hated having the attention solely on her, and she escaped it as quickly as she could. Bella flung her guitar so that it was resting on her back, jumped off the stage none-too-gracefully, and then rushed into my waiting arms.

"You liked it?" She asked breathlessly, looking up at me with a heartbreakingly innocent smile.

I had an epiphany at that moment. Bella was only three years younger than me. In many ways, she was more mature than me. She was definitely bolder than me. She was more organized than me, more driven than me, more precocious than I was at her age.

And yet, for all those sage like qualities she naturally possessed, Bella was still so innocent sexually. She basically gave the whole bar a collective woody right now, and wasn't even aware of it. She wanted to know if I "liked it." Would admitting I had a hard-on the size of Italy for her answer her question?

"Um..., Bells, I liked it more than I ever want you to know." I left it at that, and that seemed to satisfy her as she wrapped her arms around me tightly.

"I missed you the whole time I was up there, Edward. I didn't like having you in my sight, but out of reach." Her confession made her bury her head into my chest deeper. She had such a hard time expressing sweet things without adding sarcasm, that I didn't want her to feel self conscious when she allowed herself a nonironic moment here and there.

"Same here, Bells. Same here." As I held her in the middle of the crowded bar, I made a silent promise to her that I'd remember this moment from here on out. It was the moment where I witnessed Bella The Woman and Bella The Girl existing side by side. And both Bellas needed to be considered from here on out as I proceeded with our fledgling relationship.

000000000000000000000000000000


	38. Riding In Cars With Boys

**Chapter 38: Riding in Cars With Boys**

**note: Thanks for the reviews! Here's a the sorta OUTTAKE chappie that just explains how B/E and A/J topped off the night post-show.**

**note: re: age difference Bella and Edward. I have Edward 21 but a junior in college with two more years to go in the story in school.**

**note: re: James. James will not become violent/psycho/stalkerish in this story or bring any sort of potential danger towards Bella. I should have written that part about him being sullen and brooding during the performance a little more carefully-simply because he IS named James and all...lol**

**note: "Paper Planes" is the M.I.A. song Alice sang in the previous chapter. During the chorus where a gun shot is simulated multiple times, Alice was pretending to shoot Jasper in the audience.**

**note: For non-American readers, "Denny's" is a well known(and easily mocked) franchise restaurant that stays open all night and serves breakfast all day long. **

**BPOV**

Alice was piggybacking on me while I was running at full speed to her car. It was our victory lap of sorts after Casey gave us the permanent spot on Wednesday nights. The Jezebels officially had our first regular gig.

"Slow down! You know it's only a matter a time before you trip and drop her!" Jasper was yelling pointedly at me, trying to remind me of my coordination issues. Alice unlocked the arm that was around my neck and flipped Jasper the bird. I then began to run even faster, swerving sharply from left to right. We were laughing hysterically now, knowing Jasper was probably in the middle of the stroke as a result. Once we got to her car, I plopped her down.

"I loved when you metaphorically busted a cap in Jasper's ass while you rapped the chorus of "_Paper Planes_." Alice bowed slightly.

"Yeah, I emptied the whole cartridge in him and didn't even blink. And then I took his money." She started sharp shooting with her hand again, trying to make out Jasper in the distance. _"All I wanna do is Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang,..." _

I chimed in: _"And a Ka-ching!" _

We united for the last line: _"And take your money!"_

Edward and Jasper were ignoring our antics as they approached us and our imaginary hand guns. They were conversing in low tones while staring at us.

"Ali, Edward looks like he has a plan. Just say the word, and I'll tell him I'm going home with you. You don't need to go with Jasper anywhere if you aren't ready."

Ali pursed her lips. "No, it's okay. It may be time to put a fork in this roast finally. I feel like Superman right now after being onstage anyways, so Jasper can bring it on."

0000

"What's up, Buttercup?" That was quickly becoming my new pet name for all Cullen siblings. Edward had been driving in silence for a couple minutes now, and I wasn't sure where we were going even.

"Bella, have I been a good boyfriend?" I started laughing-smooth conversation starter there.

"That's not a leading question or anything, having the boyfriend ask you to evaluate him...in his presence." He raised his eyebrow at me. He wanted Serious Bella, so I would try to indulge him.

"Um, yes, for all 6 hours or whatever it's been since you asked me to go around, you get a golden star for your boyfriend duties. And an extra golden star for being my unofficial concert promoter." He seemed unsatisfied.

"What are some of the things I could do better?" He definitely had something in mind.

"Edward, I'm getting a hunch you want to talk about something specifically. So why don't you just bring it up and then I'll know what you want to talk about."

He twisted his mouth slightly, but finally gave in. "I was just wondering if you've felt pressure from me lately. I've been acting like an ass, especially when we've been spending nights together."

Oh. Is this a segueway into the inevitable sex talk we have yet to have? I got nervous, and broke into a certain Salt And Pepa song: _"Let's talk about sex, baby...let's talk about you and me...let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that could be...let's talk about sex...let's talk about sex..." _

My attempt at humor was met with silence. That was Edward's new way of dealing with my tendency to avoid serious discussions. He let me word vomit nervously for a couple minutes. And then once I got the snark out of my system, he waited patiently for me to formulate a more appropriate response.

"Not pressure in the sense that I feel the need to have sex or I'll lose you. It's not anything drastic like that. I don't feel like you are pressuring me either. It's just more, worrying about what's going on in your head." His furrowed eyebrows indicated he wanted me to elaborate.

"Like I have no idea what you are thinking about your new vow of chastity, Edward. You just pretend everything is dandy for the most part; but then the mask slips at times, and then I get a glimpse of an extremely sexually fustrated guy. But then the mask goes right back up and you act like nothing's wrong. I know you want to be the good guy, Edward; but sometimes, I worry that you are forcing yourself into some role for my sake, and it's not a role that fits you. That's what worries me more than anything. Especially when you have girls piercing your skin with their cockeyed nipples left and right."

"Thats just Tanya," he countered.

"Yeah, I know--her left AND right nipples are both cockeyed." I knew that would get him to break a smile, even if he didn't want to.

"Bells, don't worry about other girls. My mind's in a really different place right now and that's not even an issue. It's just that I was thinking tonight about the fact you've been acting like an adult for so long, you've missed out on so much of the fun stuff of being young. And, on the other hand, I probably did enough of the fun stuff for both of us really..."

I snickered as I hit his head, and he continued. "So, we are in very different places right now in life." He let that dangle out in the air for a moment; and for some reason, it made my heart sink. I tried to gear up a little before answering.

"And I take it that's a problem for you." Edward turned around quickly and grabbed my hand.

"Silly Bella, no. That's not where I'm going with that at all." He parked quickly in a deserted parking lot. He silently got out of the car, and motioned me to follow. We reunited in his backseat, where I leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around me.

"Where I'm going with this is that I don't want my presence in your life to take anything away from you, if I can help it." I turned around and looked at him with what could only be read as a "Huh?" expression.

"I don't want you to miss out on things that you may miss out on if I make you get up to speed where I am at in my life. I think lately, I've wanted to speed you up, for particularly selfish reasons." He squeezed my waist tightly a few times to make sure I knew his meaning. He hadn't been as bad as he imagined. But I had been wondering how I was going to deal with the sex equation lately in our relationship. The unspoken tension and expectations were there.

"Okay, that makes sense. You know, though, Edward, I'm quite stubborn. I wouldn't let you speed anything up if I didn't want you to. I don't care how dazzling your smile is."

He nodded with a chuckle. "I know that, and that's why I love you. But I'm talking more from my perspective, Bella. I don't want to put that sort of pressue on you anymore, even if it's indirect. You've been speeding up your whole life, and the last thing you need is for me to add to the fast forwarding. You are finally going to have some free time in your schedule with your new gig. I just want you to be able to have fun making up for lost time, and not worrying about me or anything else. Hell, knowing you, we'll probably have to make up for lost time starting with your kindergarten years. You probably had 4 jobs by that time and never learned how to swing on the Monkey Bars as a result."

He just said it. Did he realize he just said it? He loved me. I peeked over at him slyly. He was staring straight at me with a warm smile.

"Yeah, I said it," he added defiantly when I didn't answer right away. He reached over and pulled me onto his lap. I couldn't help myself, I pulled him into a deathgrip hug while I continued to laugh. When I finally composed myself, I decided to play along.

"I did miss out on learning how to work the Monkey Bars actually, and that's why I love you. Cause you have some serious mind reading skills. But I was slacker at six, only holding down one job back in kindergarten. My neighbor owned a florist and she'd give me a couple bucks if I dethorned roses in her garage for like 3 hours at a time. Total slave labor, my hands were nicked all the time from thorn pricks."

His body froze as he pulled my face back and examined my eyes.

"Yeah, I said it too. What are you gonna do about it?"

"Marry you someday..."he trailed off with a silly grin on his face.

'Well, that's a pretty anti-climatic end to your "I don't want you to speed up to me" speech.'

He dove in for a kiss. When he finally broke it, he added with the smirk: "Sorry for the letdown. How can I make it up to you?"

I thought for a moment. "What you are a proposing is a sort of Reverse Bucket List, like that movie with Jack Nicholson where he makes a list of all the things he wants to do before he dies. Only our list is everything I need to do so I'm not so developmental milestone- challenged. And you know what would be on the top of my Reverse Bucket List?"

"What, Bells?"

"Since I didn't have a boyfriend in high school, I never had that high school milestone of going to Denny's with your man and ordering waffles at 1:00 AM in the morning. After which, you make out with him in the backseat of said boyfriend's 95 Nissan Sentra for a good hour."

Edward looked confused. " I never did that either, and I own a Volvo."

"Well, I guess you have a couple things to mark off on your Reverse Bucket List as well." He stared at me like he wasn't sure if I was serious or not.

"So, what are you waiting for? Get ready for some classy times in the Denny's Parking Lot, said boyfriend."

0000000000000000000000

**JPOV**

We talked about the show the whole way home to her dorm. Well, about the show as long as it didn't have to do with a particular song that basically described our messed up relationship for the past too many years. She told me how often she had flubbed up on the bass. I told her she looked and sounded flawless to me. Alice told me how she forgot so many lyrics, and just made new ones up on the spot. I told her I hadn't even noticed.

"And how is that everyone onstage, including poor Bella, were sweating buckets within three songs of the set, while you finished the show without a hint of perspiration?"

She looked at me as if the answer was obvious. "Jasper, I am my mother's daughter. We Cullen women don't sweat. We glisten."

The punchline was that her statement was completely true. People sweat. Alice glistens. People trip. Alice could have 5 inch stiletto heels on and be asked to walk across a telephone line 20 feet in the air and she'd be able to do it with her eyes closed. Alice really was a freak of nature; unlike mere mortals, the girl could accomplish anything and make it look effortless. She always kept her cool, and figured out a way for things to work everytime.

Maybe that's why it had taken so much out of me in the last several days to see her cry again and again. I wasn't used to Alice not having everything in order, and everything figured out. If she looked at her and me; and only saw something that was overwhelming and not worth the effort, there was no hope. That realization made me feel nauseous.

I parked the car. "Can I come up, Ali? Bella and Edward were going out for a bit. And I would love it if we could just have some time alone to talk."

She let out a drawn sigh. "Goody. There's nothing like topping off my perfect evening with yet another...talk." I cringed, but still followed her upstairs.

She sat down on her bed; and I followed, leaving a decent amount of space between us.

"So, you said something that really struck me the last time we talked outside your parents hotel."

She wasn't open to my words at the moment. She had a look of defiance radiating out towards me. Could I blame her though? I'd disappointed her so many times in the last couple of weeks.

"Please listen, Alice. Please. I've had to do a lot of thinking ever since you've told me off. Especially when you told me that you thought I was playing an active role in saving yourself for me. At first I was offended by that assumption."

I took her hand slowly so she would lower her guard enough to hear what I had to say next. " But you were right, Alice. I HAVE been preserving you. I always thought I was doing that, keeping guys away from you, because that's what a good brother would do. But there was more to it."

Alice looked at me now, her eyes searching for the meaning behind my words.

"Alice, I was preserving you for myself. If I'm being honest, that's what I was doing. And I realize that makes me a huge asshole. I always imagined down the road at some point we'd find our way back to one another. But not this early, Alice. I wasn't ready for you to push the subject this soon. You are 18--a college freshman, Alice. Shit." My voice betrayed the fustration I was feeling.

"What," she asked defensively," I'm too much of a baby to you? Is that it?" Her eyes were fierce again. Her chin lifted up, and I could tell she was ready to tell me off.

"NO...Alice, don't you see? You know what boyfriends are for 18 year old girls, right? Test runs for the loves of the their lives. I don't want to be your test run."

"Says the boy who flaunted his test runs in front of me time and time again."

It was almost like getting kicked in the stomach." You are right, Alice. I was a hypocrite. But the one thing I did right was never making you a test run. I knew you were better than that, even if a large part of me was tempted."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't understand you with all your test run talk."

"All I'm saying is timing matters with this, Alice. If we run into "this"--what we have-- too fast or too early, I'm scared we could ruin things for us for the long haul."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, what do we do then, Jasper? Because you are talking out both sides of your mouth. On one hand, you are saying we should wait until we are older to make this work. And that actually makes sense, Jasper--if it wasn't for the fact that you have been actively shooing every possible test run away that gets within 5 yards of me. Just like in high school."

"I have no defense to give you, Alice. I've been acting like an idiot, not even thinking before acting out. And yes, I'm scared shitless about us getting together too early for the obvious reasons. But I think too much has happened for us to go back now. It's either sink or swim time for us." The minute the words came out of my mouth, my heart sank. I had been working on so many ways to ask her to forgive me and have me. And I end up saying it's sink or swim time. I sounded like an indifferent asshole-yet again.

Alice narrowed her eyes, and stared me down without a word. A chill went through me suddenly, wondering if I waited too long to say something. And once I finally did say something, it was so flip sounding, like I was negotiating a business transaction. Watching so many guys lining up for a chance to just talk to her tonight made me eerily aware that their attentiveness only spotlighted my seeming indifference this whole time. I wondered if she already made a decision. Maybe I was too late. A rush of words began to flow forth from my mouth once again. I was desperate to convince her otherwise, if she already had decided against me.

"That's not how I wanted to say it, Alice. Let me try again. I've never been brave enough to gamble anything with you, because gamble involves risk. And I never wanted to risk losing you in any capacity. But what I didn't realize was I've been gambling recklessly with you this whole time, even if I didn't know it. And tonight, hearing you sing that song, realizing how much I've subjected you to because I was too much of a chicken shit? You have no idea how hard that hit me, Alice."

Her eyes were softened now, her face thoughtful. "I'm glad you said what you just did. I needed to hear you say that, Jas. I needed you to acknowledge what you've done."

I laughed softly. "Uh, I"m not through yet. Alice, I'm still really scared. But I realize now that whether I act or not, I'm gambling with our relationship. I can't put you on layaway until I think you are old enough to want me long term. I can't control the outcome of our relationship. I have to accept nothing is a given in this life. And that's been the hardest thing for me to realize, Alice. Cause I don't want to ever imagine my life without you. But I have to stop being a control freak, accept the risks, and put some trust in us. That's all I can do."

She was shedding silent tears now, so I rearranged her on my lap so I could hold her more easily.

"Jas, seriously, you are the biggest downer. This is your way of wooing me? What the hell do I see in you?"

We both started laughing now, even though my eyes were moistening too. She let out a slight shiver, so I pulled back her blanket and tucked us both inside the bed.

"Alice, I don't have a lot of this figured out yet. But I'm hoping we can figure a path out together for us. That's all I can hope from you. For you to give me a chance."

We talked some more. Nothing too earth shattering. We needed to take a break from the gravity of the situation, so we made fun of Edward looking like a dazed idiot all night. Not too long after, Alice fell asleep. I nuzzled in behind her-I wasn't going anywhere. I imagined that Edward would come in and see us asleep together. I'd have a lot of explaining to do. But it was time. It was time to take what Alice truly meant to me out of the shadows. And Edward would be the first person who needed to realize this, for better or worse.

0000000000000


	39. Edward Flips His Wig

**Chapter 39: Edward Flips His Wig**

Note: Thanks for all the reviews! I had grand plans for this chappie; but unfortunately, I'm running out of time writing as I need to pack for my vacation. So, I'm afraid this is like 2/3 a chapter instead of the whole shebang that I wanted.

Note: Special thanks going out to EsmeM48 for her ideas regarding Jasper and Alice for this chapter (and the following chapter). If there truly was a Meyer University, EsmeM, Ph.D. would be the head professor for Jasperian and Alician Studies!! The girl knows her Jasper and Alice inside out!

Note: One question asked repeatedly: **"Why did Bella and Edward say 'I love you' so unromantically?" **I had Edward declare his love the way he did because he knows Bella well enough to know not to do it in an overly embellished way. Here's a quote from Breaking Dawn that I think sums up Bella and the fact she's her father's child: _"__It was hard to talk about love with Charlie-we were so much alike, always reverting to trivial things to avoid embarrassing emotional displays__." _That's why I had Edward throw in "I love you" in between some non-important musings- to express his love in a way that Bella could handle. lol

note: Special thanks to Momof5 for editing this and updating for me-I'm going to on vacation for the next 10 days or so, but I'll update when I get back!

**

* * *

****BPOV**

Denny's Belgium Waffle Platter: Six dollars. A Side of Hashbrowns: 2.25. TicTacs bought at the register: 69¢. Spending the next hour making out in the Denny's parking lot in the backseat of a Volvo with the prettiest boy in town? Priceless.

The car clock was blinking out "2:53 AM" and we still hadn't left the parking lot. I felt self conscious when the time came for us to actually leave Denny's. I had made such a big to-do about making out in a backseat for my first reverse bucket list challenge, I hadn't factored in that I wasn't exactly feeling as fresh as a _daisy_ post-show. As we scrunched into the backseat of the car, I sighed heavily.

"Edward, maybe we should take a rain check. I'm all sticky and sweaty from earlier, and I have sausage links sloshing around in my stomach."

He leaned in and flicked his tongue out on the side of my neck, and then savored it in his mouth for a moment. "I like the sweat. It makes you taste salty, like a potato chip."

"Lays or Pringles?"

Edward put up a cautionary finger. "Now, let me remind you. This was your idea for your Reverse Bucket List. Not mine. But if you start down the "Pringles or Lays" banter path, we'll probably still be here when dawn breaks without having gotten a kiss in yet. So...I better shut you up fast." He leaned in quickly and gave me a kiss. A sweet kiss. A kiss I would give my nonexistent brother. I looked back at him.

"That's it? That's my hot makeout kiss in the backseat of a Denny's parking lot?" When it came to Edward's physical displays, "brotherly" was never a word that came to mind. Protective, yes. Comforting? Sure. But brotherly, as in zero sexual charge? Never.

He looked at me like I was missing the obvious. "I just made a huge deal about how I wasn't going to attack you like a horndog left and right. I need to pace myself."

I jumped on his lap, suddenly unconcerned about my sticky, sweaty skin and half digested hash browns. "How about I do the pacing, and then you don't have to overcorrect...like you are right now. I know you are all sexy tiger like and stuff, but I think I can handle your kisses."

He chuckled. "I know _you_ can. The question is if I can handle yours." With that, he shut up and let me get down to less-than-brotherly business.

Kissing Edward is one of those things you never get used to. It's an all sensory experience with him. He doesn't kiss so much as sensually multitask, to the point where my brain gets clouded over in terms of what sensation was happening where...at what time...in what place.

Even when he was trying to pace himself, his kissing was intense. A whole hour into our makeout session, and he showed a restraint he'd never illustrated before. His hands and lips weren't wandering any place they shouldn't. And yet, the cosmos worked in such a way that the eagerness **he** restrained was being transferred inversely to **my** hormones. He was lying motionless beneath me now, holding my jaw with both hands, his thumbs brushing softly just to the side of my lips. I was trying to control my breathing as I laid flat on top of him, taking in every wet kiss he was leaving underneath my jaw and neck...unsuccessfully. His breathing, in comparison, as I gripped onto his shoulders for life? Completely normal; his body relaxed.

Edward's lips vibrated "Bella" against my skin after one kiss, and something snapped inside me. My lips needed to make contact with him. I could feel his mouth against the base of my neck still--too far away for instant access. With my eyes still closed, I turned my head slightly for something more convenient, like his thumb. My lips automatically seized upon it, my tongue extending out first before my mouth took it in.

I softly sucked on Edward's thumb before pulling back and placing a wet kiss on the tip. Edward's body froze immediately. A jagged intake of air was the only movement I could detect. His head darted out from underneath my jaw, as if to watch me now. He responded silently, the rest of his fingers brushing against my mouth. Keeping my eyes closed only intensified the feel of him against me, and I stopped the first finger that I could feel with my lips.

His breath became more shallow, but I couldn't be bothered with that right now. All I could focus on was his index finger. He was dragging it slowly sideways against my bottom lip.

"Edward," I murmured back, before my tongue dragged up along the length of his finger; before pushing my lips down around it, almost swallowing it whole. His squirming encouraged me momentarily, so I firmly slid my lips off his finger, sucking at the same time--until I reached the edge of his finger tip with an audible "pop." Edward sat up abruptly, a string of profanities being muttered below his breath.

"Damnit, Bella!" I opened my eyes finally, expecting to see a joking Edward. Instead he looked completely annoyed. I was taken aback.

"What?" I was feeling self conscious, all of the sudden, wondering how my last minute of abandon must have looked to someone like Edward. Did I look like an eager, yet completely clueless, puppy to him? Was I like the human equivalent of a dog dry humping a leg? I scooted off his lap and sat down on the seat, crossing my arms over my chest as shame overcame me.

"You can't just bust out those types of... _moves…_after I promised to play by the rules..." his voice dropped off as he looked at me. I felt mortified. I could only imagine what my face was giving away. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Are you...tearing up?" Before I could answer, he plopped me right back on his lap. My arms remained crossed.

"No. But you aren't being very nice right now," I told him. I was trying hard to make my assertion true, squeezing my eyelids shut momentarily to back up any moisture.

He sighed. "Bella, I'm sorry I reacted like that. You just caught me off guard right now."

I could feel a tear escape. "You _are_ tearing, Bella," Edward whispered. He wiped it away with his finger.

"Oh, watch out, Edward--don't put your finger too close! The ass backwards virgin might do something stupid again."

Edward raised an eyebrow, a grin slowly playing against his face. "Is that what you think? That I think what you did was ass backwards?"

I didn't answer. I just buried my head in the crux of his neck.

"Silly Bella," he said, shaking his head. "Bella, you have no idea how sexy you looked right now, with your eyes closed and your lips all over me like that." Edward placed a kiss on my head. "The problem was that it was too...subject to interpretation." He let out a huge laugh as I pinched him.

"What does that mean?" I muttered defensively against his skin.

He sighed. "It means that guys are pigs and anytime a girl with lips like yours starts to pull out all the stops on random appendages, they let their minds...wander...," he finished.

Oh...Ohhhhh..."Oh."

"I just wanted to kiss you, and your mouth was far away, and your thumb was right there, and it fit in my mouth so easily..." I trailed off, still feeling embarrassed.

"Bella..," Edward interrupted, "you are making my mind wander again." He let out a chuckle. "And by the way, I love that you didn't mean it any other way than what came natural to you. That's just one thing I love about you - you don't put on a show. So often girls put on shows of what they think is sexy instead of just doing what comes natural. There's nothing sexier to me than a Bella following her instincts."

I looked up finally and smiled as he continued.

"SO...let's just keep this motto in mind from now on.'**Don't start what you can't finish**.' Even if it's with harmless appendages. That should make things easier for us."

I scrunched my nose in his direction.

"What does that even mean, Edward?"

"It means that you don't start down a path you aren't really ready to--"

I sighed impatiently. "I know what it means _literally_, Edward. I'm talking more about the implications. If we go by that motto, where does that leave me?"

He didn't answer, as if he was confused by my point.

"If all I've done was kiss a boy before, and pretty chastely at that, where does your motto leave someone in my situation?" I repeated the question in case he needed further clarification.

Silence.

"I'll tell you where it leaves **me**. It leaves me with two extreme options. I'm either supposed to jump head first into sex or stall at sibling kisses with you...until I'm ready to jump head first into sex. Which will never happen, because I'm stalled at sibling kisses. How the hell am I supposed to get from Point "A" to Point "Z" if I'm never allowed to start something I can't finish? Let's just pack up my libido in an ice cooler and call it a day."

I struggled to get off his lap, but Edward held me tight at the waist. I abandoned my struggle to get free. He put a finger under my chin and lifted my face to his. "I hadn't thought about it that way, Bella."

I nuzzled into the nape of his neck. "I need to feel safe to explore what I'm feeling for you, and not with all these big conditions." I made eye contact with him. "This is all new to me and you know how hard it is to let my guard down, Edward."

He let out a slow breath while shaking his head in defeat. "You're right." He tightened his hold on me. "But mark my words, Bella Swan. If tonight was just a preview of your idea of exploring, you're going to be the death of me." Edward let out a final frustrated laugh before gently kissing me on my lips.

**0000000000000000**

**JPOV**

"Ice cubes? Who throws ice cubes? I mean, seriously. I thought Edward was the dandy in the family--" Alice's rant was cut short by a pillow hitting her head. "Ow!"

"What did you want me to throw at Laurent's head? The glass in my hand? My car keys?" She continued to laugh mockingly, her shoulders shaking from my view. We tried to fall asleep, but after several hours, we both gave up on the idea that we'd be slumbering peacefully tonight. There were a lot of things to go over still; and yet, neither of us wanted to address it head on at the moment. So we opted for trading barbs instead. It felt good to distract myself like this. It wasn't lost on me that after all of my grand speeches and declarations, Alice never once responded to anything I said. No reassurances on her end-not even an acknowledgement that she understood me.

"You should have seen your face when you threw the ice cube too! Or better yet, your face when Seamus tapped you on the shoulder and took you outside!" She was howling with laughter now, challenging me to redeem my manhood. I pounced quickly on top of her, my legs on both sides of her hips.

"Take it back," I growled.

She just rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed. "Or what? You gonna squirt me with a water gun? TP my car? What are other threats that sixth grade girls make during slumber party Truth or Dare sessions? Cause that's really your level of revenge tactics."

"Alice, don't forget. I know_ just _where to tickle your funny bones." I crouched menacingly over her as my hands assumed their tickling position.

"NOOO--," but it was too late. I launched a full blown tickle attack. She was squirming and screaming; but in true Alice form, it didn't stop her from talking.

"Tickling?...ahh!...stop...Tickling out dandies...humphf...ice cubing!"

She was too loud, so I did the most practical--and manipulative, not to mention presumptuous-- thing to shut her up. I planted my lips on hers. She shrugged away though.

"Oh, please, a tickling-kissing combination is so weak, Jasper. What are we? Twelve?" She couldn't deter me. I swooped back again for her lips as I lifted her comforter over our heads.

"Jas..."She wasn't exactly enthusiastic in her response, but at least her lips were moving with mine now. I was still tickling her, but the pace had slowed to an almost rhythmic movement that pulsed to the beat of our kissing.

"Jas...we really shouldn't..."

"Yes, we should..." I said against her lips, a smile forming.

In a flash, the covers were ripped off. The lights in the dorm room were on now and it momentarily blinded me.

Before I could utter a word, two hands gripped the back of my shirt and threw me to the ground.

"Edward, stop!"

Bella's voice. Edward's hands. Of course.

"What the hell are you doing, Jasper?" I put my hand over my eyes to let them adjust to the light. The shock in Edward's voice was jarring.

"Edward, wait, okay? Let me explain." I attempted to get back on my feet, but he sideswiped my legs, making me fall back onto the floor.

'"_Yes we should?_" Yes we should **what**, Jasper?" Edward's shock had melted into fury now. It was inevitable; the physical fight was a given once Edward found out. I just didn't imagine the incredibly shitty timing of how he'd happen upon it all.

"Yes we should kiss, Edward. JUST kiss. That's all. Let me explain." I jumped up to my feet now and Edward was in the middle of throwing the first punch in my direction. But Bella jumped into the middle of us and took the blow in the process, absorbing the hit on her left shoulder. Edward's eyes grew wide with horror.

"Bella, honey..." He tried to attend to her shoulder; but in turn, she grabbed him by the arms and pushed him towards the door.

"Go, outside, Edward, now...until you calm down." She shut the door and turned towards us. "Crap, that hurt," she mouthed exaggeratedly. I looked over at Alice and felt a wave of nausea. What Edward walked in on looked bad. Very bad. I was straddling his sister underneath her blanket while she was trying to resist me, albeit weakly. And when he ripped off the blanket? He found Alice with her skirt hiked up higher than I realized.

"I'll be right back," I said in a hurry, heading for the door.

"NO!" Alice jumped up. "I need to talk to him first, Jas. He's my brother."

00000000

Fifteen minutes later, Bella and I could still hear Edward and Alice's mumbled grumblings. At some point Bella plopped down on the bed beside me and patted my back.

"You okay, Jas?" Her tone was sympathetic.

"I should be asking you that." I pointed at her shoulder as she rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Always the martyr, that Bella Swan," she mocked.

There was a silent lull for a couple minutes before I blurted it out, "You don't think it's a good idea for her, huh? To be with me. I saw how much you two were laughing when she pretended to shoot me in cold blood onstage."

Bella didn't even attempt to muffle her laugh. "Oh, you know that was hilarious. I loved how she twisted her hand sideways like she was shooting you all gangsta style." She bumped me with her knee. "You deserved it after making her cry onstage."

I groaned at the memory. "You must think I'm the biggest ass."

She shook her head. "You do a lot of ass-ey things to Alice, but I don't think you are an ass overall."

"Thanks, Bella. That makes me feel a lot better."

She tilted her head slightly. "Who said I was trying to make you feel better? I'm Alice's wingman. My job is to make her feel better, and possibly make you feel worse."

Bella was gracious enough to qualify herself. She explained how some of the "ass-ey" things I'd done affected Alice. The number of nights she held Alice and had to reassure her that she was indeed desirable and amazing.

"Yeah, so I sorta had to cut you down to size in those moments and say you were blind and stupid. It's nothing personal, Jasper. It's just what a wingman does for her queen bee." She gave me a smirk as I nodded in acknowledgement. "And sometimes, when it comes to Alice, you ARE blind. And stupid."

We both cracked up at that point, most likely delirious, due to the fact that it was close to breaking dawn and we had yet to go to bed.

"You know what though? In a lot of ways I get you, Jasper. Maybe I even get you better than I get those Cullen kids sometimes." I asked her how so.

"You are an only kid, right? Love your parents to death, but aren't exactly from a _Leave It To Beaver_ household?" She had me pegged.

"Same with me. I'd never envied another family, though, until I met Alice and Edward. Watching them together just the first day made me envy them--made me want a brother who I could be close to like that. And then you see them as a family unit with the parents, and it's a beautiful thing. A foreign thing for me, but something I'd like to make familiar at the same time. I covet what they have together, honestly." I nodded thoughtfully.

"So, I get why you are so intent about your role as the brother in the family, even if you took it to an extreme when it came to Alice. If I got an honorary role in the Cullen family, I'd be hard pressed to give it up as well." She gave me a knowing wink and I laughed.

"You know how I thought of it at times, Bella, growing up with them? I never told them this. But I saw this cartoon once when I was maybe fourteen. It was a cartoon short of a little matchgirl on Christmas Eve. And she's out in the snow all cold and shit, and I was ready to change the channel. But then she happens upon a window of a great house, with the curtains drawn just enough for her to peek in. And inside is this wealthy family, all gathered around the dining table, about to enjoy a huge Christmas feast. Their hands are all clasped together as one of them is about to say grace. And then one of the children peeks out the window and sees the little matchgirl. The rich girl smiles at the girl, and with her hand, beckons her in. The matchgirl is so excited by the invitation, she reaches her hand out in response...only to hit the glass window and be reminded where her place is." I threw her a sheepish grin as she nodded in understanding. She offered me her pinky for a pinky promise.

"We Matchgirl Bitches need to stick together, Jas." I locked my pinky in hers.

"Definitely, Bella."

000000000000000

**APOV**

"But it wasn't what it looked like, Edward. Please listen. You know me better than that." Edward couldn't get past what he saw when he walked in. We had spent almost a half hour on the same thing, and we were getting nowhere. Fast.

"Do I, Alice? Do I know you?" I would have been more mad at him if he didn't look so hurt at the moment. His face was bringing tears to my eyes and I didn't even know why. "It seems that everything I **did **know has been turned upside down right now." He paced back and forth, just shaking his head forcefully.

"God, you two...you two have ALWAYS been in cahoots together. And I'm the idiot who just went along and actually trusted all the excuses you gave me. Even when I picked up on huge cues, I trusted you two."

The venom in his voice was so apparent, it scared me. "What do you mean that we were always in cahoots together?"

Edward led out a spiteful laugh. "God, Alice. You know how it's always worked in our family. Ask Mom or Dad if you need any clarification. It's always been you and Jasper as a tag team, and I've been the third wheel."

My stomach dropped when he mentioned third wheel. His face when he said that..."Edward, you were **never** a third wheel."

"Alice, knock it off. Of course I was. And I never minded. You know why? He was my best friend, and you were my best friend and baby sister. Initially, I was the only common tie for you two. I didn't mind being the third wheel, because it linked my two favorite people together. Even if I was the butt of your jokes the whole time." His back was to me now. I wanted to reach out to him, but I knew he didn't want me to. Not just yet. He started laughing again.

"This is the pattern though, right, with you two? Always pulling a fast one over on me as a tag team?"

Something was quickly occurring to me. "Edward, I never knew how much you resented how close Jasper and I were." I said it quietly, not sure how he'd react.

"I tried not to resent it, Alice, when I thought it was what you two said it was. A brother-sister bond. But I sure as hell resent it now. I didn't hand my sister over to him so he could take advantage of the situation."

I looked at him pointedly. "How could you **ever **think it was okay to hand your big brother duties over to someone else, Edward?"

He had nothing to respond to that.

Bella quietly came out to check on us right then. Edward checked her shoulder right away, and was appalled to see she was bruising. She tried to minimize the incident, but that only made Edward more upset. He kept apologizing to her, and that savvy Bella...she told him the best way to make her feel better was to promise to not fight with Jasper; to go home and get some sleep.

"You'll have all day to make Jasper feel like an idiot. Get a good rest so you are ready to maximize his guilt about the whole thing." Leave it to Bella to get Edward to smile at that moment--even if it was a faint one.

After kissing Bella goodnight, while apologizing to her several more times, Edward left. He looked miserable. I knew Bella's bruise was torturing him. Jasper decided to head home soon after, promising to call me when he got up.

I shut the door to our dorm room. Bella collapsed onto her bed as she let out a tired laugh.

"Dude, can those two dandies flip a wig over each other or what?"

* * *

a/n: Okay, can you tell I basically ran out of time there at the end to finish? I know you understand...lol


	40. Holding Out On Me

**Chapter 40: Holding Out On Me**

note: Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are awesome.This chapter is a little short, but I have to ease on in

note: FAQ: "**Why Did Edward react so crazy over Alice and Jasper**?" This is how I would explain it. Edward tends to not be overprotective of Alice normally-he tends to accept she's a grown girl and will date, etc. His problem is that for so long, Alice and Jasper have touted how platonic/sibling-like their relationship is. Even when Edward had his doubts as he implied last chapter that maybe Alice felt something more. He therefore trusted them and how they presented their relationship to him. For him to see Jasper busting a move on her the way he was was shocking for Edward. He had faith that Jasper's intentions of being overprotective of Alice all these years was due to him truly wanting to be a big brother to her. To look back in retrospect at all his behavior towards Alice with the new understanding there WAS something more there than sibling affection, basically makes a lot of Jasper's actions seem underhanded from EPOV. lol

--

**BPOV**

"No, jello. They'd prefer it because it's easier to wash off. You know how dandies insist on keeping as clean as a whistle." I shook my head in disagreement with Alice's opinion.

"No way. More than insisting on being clean, they insist on looking their best at all times. Which means they would prefer to wrestle in mudd. Because mudd covers more evenly over their taut bodies. Jello would make them look like they were covered in mucus. Dandies can't abide mucus!"

We were in the middle of a heated argument about how Edward and Jasper's metrosexual impulses would shape how they would attempt a wrestle match with one another. Twenty bucks was on the line for us if we accurately picked the preferred form of lube on their parts. We would have to ask them, hypothetically of course, later on to see who was right. Thanks for the easy cash, Alice.

I was getting ready for school at this point. There was no reason for either Alice or I to go to bed after the boys left. We were only going to have to get up a couple hours later, and I knew Alice had heaps to tell me in terms of last night's developments with her Jasper. The next two hours were thus filled with mile-a-minute chatter about how Jasper "declared" himself and how Edward must have the crappiest luck possible in terms of timing. Ever.

"Oil." Alice's voice popped me back into the present. "Maybe oil. I think I'm changing my lube choice to oil. I think oil outlubes jello for metrosexuals." I nodded as if that was a good choice. But I knew better-Edward and Jasper's lovely locks would never tolerate oil.

Alice of all people ended up being the person to calm me down after Jasper and Edward had left. I was freaked out honestly, since I had spent the majority of my upbringing with Renee aka "Kumbaya" Swan. I never had any brothers or a lot of male friends for that matter to acquaint me with how male energy works. When Edward threw a punch in Jasper's direction, it was like World War III in my eyes initially. But once they left, Alice filled me in on the details.

'Silly Bella, you never want to throw yourself in between two boys fighting. Especially Jasper and Edward. It's not like they fought a lot growing up, but they had their moments. And to be honest, I wish Edward had made contact with Jasper. Because their fighting would last much shorter if someone had bled or bruised. The hitter would feel bad and apologize, and then hitter and hittee would hug and go watch "Remember the Titans" together to male bond once again. Now they're going to mope and sulk and draw it out much longer than I can handle.' She was filing her nails the whole time she explained that, making me decide right then and there that Alice was the greatest girl ever made.

She looked up for a moment before speaking. "But your Edward." My Edward? The thought made me smile. "He had the nerve to say that Jasper and I tag team him and that he's a third wheel." She shook her head with exasperation; but she was gauging my reaction at the same time. I bit my lip for a brief second before beginning.

"Well, Jasper and you definitely have a bit of a tag team unit going on, actually. I can see his point." She looked at me with narrowed eyes.

"What, Alice? You know I'm Team Switzerland when it comes to the Cullen-Hale saga. I see where all of you guys are coming from. And that includes seeing that Edward could feel on the outside sometimes with you and Jas. You two have a bubble thing going on a lot of the time that's very hard to infiltrate." I took a quick breath before continuing. "And you and Jas are more dominant in your personalities too. Edward is less confrontational. It would be easy for him to feel overpowered by just one of you, let alone you two as a pair."

Her mouth fell open. "No, Bella, really-don't hold back." She rolled her eyes my way and then gave me an appraising look. "Aren't you my brother's champion..." A smirk fell over her face.

I was about to object, since I was really was a fan of all three of them in their own ways. But she stopped me.

"Don't apologize for being his champion. I couldn't ask for more for my brother." She gave me a wink, and went back to filing her nails.

**EPOV**

It wasn't a dream.

There are those first couple of moments where you first wake up and your mind plays games on you. You actually believe that whatever was going on in your life at the moment must have just been a bad dream. After a restless four hours of sleep, I woke up relieved. I told myself it was just a nightmare-that Alice and Jasper weren't in the middle of playing "Doctor" when I walked in on them the night before. That Bella's shoulder wasn't bruised either; if Jasper wasn't playing "Doctor" with Alice, then there was no reason to attempt to punch him...and Bella by extension.

"Edward, please. I know you are awake. Say something; hell, punch me. I deserve it. I'd welcome it."

And with those four short sentences, my relief turned to horror. It was all real. Every worst fear about the nature of Alice's and Jasper's relationship had been realized last night. Somewhere, Bella sat in class right now, bruised- compliments of me.

I bet Jasper wanted me to hit him. More martyr points with the girls. He'd probably wear a black eye like a badge of honor and use it for free admission to third base with my baby sister.

"I'm not letting you off that easy."

He snorted, as if to call my manhood into question. I didn't bite.

"You don't have to talk, Edward. But I need to talk to you. I want you to understand what you walked into. It's not what it looked like."

A humorless laugh spilled out of my mouth. How long had I known this guy? Almost a decade? And he thinks he can play his infamous persuasion card without me detecting it?

"Oh, I can't wait to hear you spin this. You're good, but not good enough to explain the self-explanatory." Jasper on Alice, on Alice's bed, underneath her comforter, in between Alice's legs, with Alice's skirt up, kissing her. Let the tall tales begin.

I heard his breathing deepen. He was trying to maintain his cool, but it was getting harder every second. "We were joking around. It looked way worse than it was..." He paused for a long moment and I couldn't help but glance in his direction. Jasper looked like he was trying to figure out his next words slowly. It was almost as if I could hear the spinning crank out in his brain. The truth wouldn't nearly take as long to figure out. "But I do want to talk about my feelings for her. With you. "

"Great timing to want to talk feelings. Now. I'm sure the timing has nothing to do with the fact that the last time I saw you, you had her skirt hiked and legs spread. But that's what brothers are for, right?"

He bit without a second thought.

"Don't push me, Edward." His voice was low and threatening. This was easier than I imagined. I didn't think I'd get the upper hand so easily. Jasper was usually so even tempered, but his emotions were raging in all directions at the moment.

"What?" I said innocently. Too innocently."Brothers should guide their baby sisters along the pathway of life. You are just more hands-on than me."

Jasper snickered bitterly. "That's one way to put it, Edward. If I'm too hands-on, you were a deadbeat brother. Who picked up Alice from all her practices in high school? Who went to support her at her competitions? Who took her shopping for her first car? Stayed at night with her at the hospital when she broke her arm in tenth grade? ME. Not you."

"Well, I"m really glad Alice had you to look after her. ALL these years. It makes a deadbeat brother wonder though--about JUST HOW you've been looking after her. Here all this time, I trusted you completely, thinking you only had her best interests in mind." I shook my head, feeling like the most guilible person ever. "But then seeing you all over her last night, like she was a piece of meat. Even the tone of your voice. It's the voice you use to get your way. YOU were going to get your way last night if I hadn't come in. Who knows how long you've been getting your way..."

Jasper kicked something out of fustration. "Don't even try to pervert what Alice and I had over the years. It wasn't like that at all. I just picked up where you slacked off as a brother, Edward. Which was all of the time. Ask Alice-she'd be the first one to tell you."

I couldn't even see straight-the anger was that overpowering for me in that moment. Jasper's righteous indignation was always a sore spot for me.

"You and Alice. You sure got your stories straight, didn't you? Painting me as the irresponsible one who slacked on his duties, so poor Jasper had to pick up the pieces."

Jasper raised his chin defiantly.

"One question, Jas. Did it ever occur to either of you that maybe you took it upon yourself to play the big brother without asking, and I let you? I let you because I knew my best friend wanted a place in my family? And I was willing to share my place, even take the backseat at times?"

Jasper's chin lowered slightly, a flicker of recognition coming through his eyes about what I was saying. I continued.

"And to see you turn it around, to see Alice follow YOUR lead and turn it around too, and use it against me? Calling me a slacker? Just take the knife out of my back already. That is, if you have time in between hiking my sister's skirt up."

His eyes were filled with emotion. His voice was soft and low.

"Edward, shit. I don't even know what to say.."

I couldn't say anything back myself.

"Listen, you need to understand this. I've not done anything with Alice until last night. And even last night, it was more playing around than what it looked like."

I looked him square in the eye. "Swear to me that was the first time anything physical happened."

He was about to answer; and then he stopped, dead in his tracks. "Actually, wait..."

My worst fears were confirmed. This wasn't the first time. "Oh, shit-Carlisle is going to love this."

Jasper looked as if he wanted to explain the "Actually, wait," part. However, my mere mentioning of Carlisle changed everything. Suddenly, his demeanor grew very steely--resolved.

"Edward, Alice and I are calling your parents today. We don't even have anything official to tell them. But I am going to let them know of my intentions. Don't even try to head us off at the pass. Let us talk to your parents ourselves. Alice and I--"

I interrupted him before he could finish.

"Be my guest, Jasper. Call MY parents. With MY sister. I shouldn't interfere with any of those things. Maybe I can go sit on my slacker ass somewhere while you basically take over my whole family."

I got off the bed, and ignored Jasper's apologies and pleas to stay. All I needed, wanted, right now was to be with Bella. I checked my watch.

0000000000

"So, we moved into this new neighborhood. My older brother and I, we couldn't have been more than 6 and 4, went door to door, asking all our neighbors if they had kids. We basically were interviewing for the best potential friends on the street, even checking out what kind of toys they had before making our decision on who to play with."

I cracked up, imagining a four year old version of James--the picture alone was hard to imagine. James as an innocent? Impossible. He was probably moose calling back then even. Our ten minute walk to our next class always seemed to fit in a good amount of conversation between us. I had learned a lot about James in these short little time periods. And the more we talked, the more James became personable and likeable. I wasn't sure why he chose to act more cocky and annoying in general. It hid all the traits that made him endearing.

"Bella!" I turned around to see Edward running towards me. He gave a quick glance in James direction, but ignored him otherwise. James let out a soft but loud-enough-for-me-to-hear sigh.

"Bella, do you mind coming with me for a moment." I nodded silently as I told James I'd catch up with him later. Once James was out of hearing range, my questions began.

"Did you talk to Jasper? And did you talk to Alice yet? You really should talk to her when you can--"

He put his finger on my lips to silence me. "Bella, I promise I'll deal with them later. But right now, I need you. Will you come with me right now?"

He was holding onto my hands tightly, like he wasn't going to let go. I had a paper due next period; but other than that, I could spare a day of hookey.

I kissed his cheek. "Let me just drop this by my professor's office with a note, and then you can tell me what you want to do, okay?"

--

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

He had been silent the whole time we had dropped off my paper and then headed back towards his car. Once we got there, he examined the bruise I got from earlier that morning. It was blue and purple at this point. We spent the next fifteen minutes going back and forth with apologies on his end and me asking him to let it go from my end.

I was about to rip my hair out with all the bruise-induced angst once we hit the twenty minute mark, so I decided to distract him. I asked him where we were going. He had no clue. All he would say was that he needed to be with me right now. He wouldn't elaborat further though, and I didn't ask him to.

"Do you wanna make out in the Denny's Parking Lot right now," I teased, though vaguely hoping he'd take me up on that. "Playing hookey and making out in a parking lot could be Reverse Bucket List worthy. "

He shook his head with an eye roll. " I said I needed to be with you right now, Bella. Not that I wanted my penis to fall off from sexual fustration."

I cracked up. "You sure know how to flatter a girl. So, what do you want to do then?

He shurgged his shoulders. "Beach?"

I shook my head. "Naw, a storm is heading up our way today. It will probably be too windy and rainy that way." I thought for a second longer.

"I know. Follow me. This has been long overdue." I grabbed his hand and navigated him back through the campus maze.

--

"Tada."

He looked in front of us. "What are we going to do here?"

"You are going to play for me."

I pushed him into the music building despite his refusals and secured a room for us with a piano.

I commanded him to the seat and sat right next to him.

"Bella, I'm really not in the mood for this. I sorta have bigger things on my mind right now than doing a piano recital like I'm nine years old again."

I looked at him intently. "Edward, I know you play sometimes when things are stressful for you. And I asked you weeks ago to let me hear you play. Two birds with one stone. Please." It wasn't really a request, but a command with a syrupy sweet voice.

He began to play "Chopsticks" lamely, and I slapped his shoulder. "I'm not joking, I want to hear what all the fuss is about."

His eyes narrowed slightly. He was clearly humoring me, and not in the mood to play. "What do you want to hear then?"

"Dazzle me, Mozart."

He sniffed indignantly, but placed his hands on the keys in a sober manner. After a few seconds of stillness, he ripped into s piece that I didn't recognize at all. Not that that would be surprising; I didn't know classical music for the most part, or play the piano. But you didn't need to be knowledgeable about either to realize that whatever Edward was doing on the piano right now was nuanced, complicated to the tenth power, rich, and... masterful. I never thought Edward could be more beautiful than when he was just standing there with his crooked smile. But I was wrong. Seeing him submit himself to a musical piece with so much grace and skill and clarity? Most beautiful thing I'd ever witnessed.

He played for a good 15 minutes without stopping. All from memory. So many moods had been expressed in such a small amount of time; some parts seemed mournful, others seemed pensive, still others were triumphant. And when it came to a slow and methodical stop, I couldn't even say anything for a moment.

He was silent too. Edward kept his face down towards the keys for a long moment, taking in a deep breath once his hands fell back down towards his lap. When Edward finally stared back at me, his expression was confounded.

"Bella...why are you crying?" He took his thumb to my cheek, and lightly brushed some of the tears away. I could only shake my head for a second before I lunged at him with my arms. I snaked myself onto his lap, holding onto him a little too tightly.

"What, Bella?" His face was still so confused by my response.

"It all makes sense now, Edward. Everything makes sense now." I let out a choked up laugh, realizing he had no idea what I was talking about.

I put his face in my hands, not letting his eyes leave mine. "Edward, when I met you, all outward signs told me you were this totally flakey player who didn't take anything seriously. And I never bought it. Not for one moment...Well, I did think you were a player for a stretch, but let's not get distracted..."

"Yes, let's not," he said, his face betraying an eagerness to understand my meaning.

"I told myself the first time that I met you, there was something more to you. And I was right. The more I get to know you in terms of our relationship, the more I'm impressed with the substance and depth I see in you. But right now, Edward? This is like an Oprahmothereffinglightbulbmoment!"

"I don't know what you mean..."

"YOU," I said, my arms flailing around the piano and himself, "doing what you just did on that piano, that's you. That's MY Edward. You were brilliant and talented up the wazoo, you were focused and disciplined and full of so much MORE. My first hunch about you? It all makes sense now."

I was just staring at him in amazement, my mouth opened, threatening to smile at the same time. My words were slowly sinking into him it seemed, as I punched him on the shoulder.

"Dude, you were so holding out on me!"

I punched him again before he scooped me up underneath my arms and lifted me onto the piano. My bum caused the keys to make a horrible sound together. It seemed almost sacreligious to let those noises out after what he had just played. He stood up, wrapped his arms around my back, and kissed me with an urgency that made me want to cry again for some reason. Like he was _thanking_ me for appreciating his music. I would never understand the hold I had on him. It defied logic.

He eventually slowed our kissing, and rested his head on my shoulder. "Bella, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that right now. From you specifically."

"Anytime, toots." He looked up with that brilliant, crooked smile as he snickered.

"Smart ass," he retorted.

I kissed his nose. "I love you, too."

0000000000000000000000000000


	41. The Secret Is Frying The Spam

**Chapter 41: The Secret Is Frying The Spam**

**a/n: Rosalie has a gas powered stove, not electric--just in case anyone was wondering...lol**

**a/n: Thanks for all the reviews-they always make me happy!**

0000000000000

**BPOV**

"Bella..." I could tell he wasn't completely awake--he was in that in-between-stage of consciousness. His breathing was was still heavy, as was his arms that were wrapped around me. I snuggled into his chest tighter; nudging him gently with my nose, letting him know I was right next to him. He hugged me tighter. The raindrops rapping on the my window were so loud, I was surprised he wasn't fully awake already.

"Mmmm...Bella..." He was more conscious now.

"Shh...Edward..." My mouth was cut off by his lips.

It had been like this all week, after our Oprah Lightbulb moment when he played piano for me. He continued to play for me that whole afternoon, showing different sides of his musical tastes--and talent. I listened quietly by his side, my head on his shoulder. With each new song, more pieces of the puzzle were fitting into place for me. How much he encouraged me to put together a musical lineup for Casey's musical void on Wednesdays. How he had become my own "concert promoter." So much of what he did was him being a supportive boyfriend who wanted me to make better money. But I saw some other reasons now too: could he be having fun being a part of the process?

"I feel so small right now, Edward," I had told him, my head on his shoulder still." Here you've been so supportive of me with my playing. And YOU should be the one we should be promoting. You are so talented and accomplished. I feel like musical idiot next to you."

He simply smiled."No, YOU humble me." He laughed as I gave him a dirty look. "What? I'm not kissing your ass. It takes a lot to go up onstage and share everything with strangers. I don't have it in me. But I love watching you do it."

He gave me a wink, and I got his point. Maybe that was part of the puzzle with Edward and me. We had strengths that the other admired. I always thought he was more brave than me when it came to our relationship. He would put himself out there first emotionally, and then coax me patiently to do the same. Maybe it was similar for him with me performing; maybe he admired my ability to put myself out there, in ways he wasn't ready to do himself. Not yet, anyways. His love for his music was so personal--it was obvious. I knew how much it took for him to share it with me. Just like it took so much for me to share my emotions with him.

He showed me a big piece of himself that afternoon. And when he put himself out there, it always made me feel up to bat. It was my turn to share. So that night, while Alice was out, we talked about something I hadn't been willing to discuss up until now. Sex and Edward and his past. And me.

It was a hard conversation for Edward. He hated hearing how I saw him sometimes. But it was important to get it out into the open.

"Remember that night," I started, "when you thought I was talking dirty to you in my sleep, and you did that panty twister thingy to me, which made me call you a roller coaster that could get me pregnant?" He grimaced while he nodded. That's when I let him in on a secret.

I wasn't scared to death about the prospect of sex. I was scared to death about the prospect of sex--with him. Sometimes when he had tried to nudge our physical boundaries in the past, I saw how his expression change. I wasn't sure if I was explaining it right, but sometimes it felt that his focus went from "us" to sex. And when I saw that focus change, I worried I became just another girl in line.

I didn't want to be that to him. Especially when all this was new to me. Sex seemed to have been something that blocked him from connecting with other girls in the past, and I wondered if sex could do the same thing for us.

Then there were other concerns--sex changes everything. It made me want to stay in the twilight stage indefinitely, where things were more simple and our physical love was still honest and sweet. Would sex change how much we kissed? Would making out be enough for him if we had done more? I didn't want things to change in that respect-I never felt closer to him than when we were side by side kissing. You always hear stories where sexual partners won't kiss because kissing is too intimate. Was I too far off to think that keeping the kissing and leaving out the sex was a way to maintain the intimacy-especially in a young relationship?

He was so honest in that moment when I expressed my fears. Edward told me he did struggle with how to fuse sex and love. He had treated them like mutually exclusive entities for so long. That he felt both for me, but that he didn't always feel it at the same time. This was all new for him too- he was still trying to figure out how to make them go hand in hand.

But he told me something that secretly broke my heart, in a good way. Edward told me the night I sang at Casey Moran's, something clicked for him. It was the first time he ever felt his love for me guide his want for me. He didn't want to rush me the way I'd been rushed to grow up quickly in my family. Edward wanted my first relationship ,and first love, to go at a pace that seemed just right for my age and experience. He didn't realize that was the most precious gift anyone had ever given me. The gift of time.

"Bella..." He whispered again, shaking me from my thoughts.

"Shh...Edward.." He began to hug me tighter, rubbing my back firmly. I didn't have to recoil, because we understood where the other was coming from now. I actually held him closer, kissing his chest lightly--his few chest hairs tickling the opening of my nostrils. I let out a little giggle.

He lowered his head to my ear. "What," he asked. I could feel the smile forming against my skin. I shook my head and put my finger to his lips.

"Shhh--"

He stopped me in my tracks, kissing my fingertip. His full lips against my skin? A surefire recipe for a body shiver. He started to laugh silently-I felt his shoulders shaking. Which illicited a pinch from my end. Smug little bugger.

"What?" He blurted out-- too loudly this time.

'WHAT? Did you just ask "what?"' The high pitched voice shreeched out from the darkness across the room. Edward's body froze, and I couldn't help from snorting.

"Bella's trying to be discreet, Edward, for my benefit. That's what." She jumped off her bed and her small feet pattered across the room. She flipped on the light switch, effectively blinding Edward and I for a moment as we covered our eyes with my blanket. "Seriously, I love you both. And I appreciate your efforts, Bells. But you are OUTTA HERE tomorrow, Edward. This is it. You go make up with Jasper--you aren't playing house over here anymore."

Edward started to talk, but she cut him off. It had almost been a week, and Jasper and Edward had yet to get things straightened out. They simply avoided eachother, and Edward set up camp in my bed at night. Well, he had been.

"Bellllllaaa...Bellllllaaaa." Her face contorted all sorts of funny, and it made me snicker. "Seriously, Edward, listening to you say her name like a dying goat at 3:00 AM is just intolerable."

He tried to start in again, but she shot up a threatening finger.

"Nuhhh! Final. You and Jasper hash it out tomorrow."

00000000000000

**JPOV**

I knew Bella was working a waitressing shift for one of her friends-Alice told me as much. So I headed over there on the pretense that I was picking up take-out. I didn't have to look for her; she looked like she was going over a receipt on the side of the bar, while talking to James. Huh. I walked up behind them slowly, catching parts of their conversation.

"But see, J, I think you need to just be up front. Don't try to beat around the bush, you know? It's only fair..." Bella suddenly stopped what she was saying as she saw me approach. J?

"Jas! What are you doing here?" She looked genuinely happy to see me, so that would be helpful for the conversation I had in mind.

I gave James, or is it J?, a pointed smile as I nodded at Bella. "I'm just picking up some take out."

Bella laughed. "That's funny-so is James." He held up a white bag innocently in my direction. "Let me go get your order, Jasper- be right back."

She walked off and I gave James a knowing look. He got defensive. "What? I like their Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches."

"Do, you...J?" He let out a drawn breath, as if he was caught.

"Why are you here," he asked suspiciously.

"I like their Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches," I mimicked. Bell was back now, and James said he needed to go.

"Drive safely out there--this storm is terrible," Bella said with a pointed finger his way. He nodded, and smiled--a little too long I thought--before heading out.

"J?" I asked.

Bella laughed. "That's what he says he prefers to go by, at least at home...Be nice, okay? He's going through some hard times right now."

I rolled my eyes. "Just be careful, Bella."

"I always am, Jas."

Enough of James though-I had more important matters to attend to.

"Hey, Bella, do you have time to take a quick break?" She studied my face for a moment.

"Sure, let me go tell my manager."

--

We started out with some small talk, but then we got into the particulars quickly. I told her Edward wanted to talk-she seemed to know this already. I was trying to find out what Edward's state of mind was; because the last time we talked, it had gone so badly. She reassured me he had calmed down since then, and he was beginning to realize he'd judged me too quickly. She thought we had a lot to go over still though.

Second item of business: "So, can I ask you something about Alice?" She nodded.

"What is going on exactly with Alice and Seamus? They seem to be spending more time than ever together lately." Her first reaction to my inquiry made my heart sink--she sighed and then bit her lip.

"That's not good," I said softly. It had been almost a week since I had told Alice about my feelings for her, and I was still in the dark as to how she would proceed with that knowledge. We had made a date for this Saturday, which was a good start. But other than that, nothing much had changed. She didn't want me to resume my breakfast duties like before. We hadn't even talked much since then. The majority of our talking was done on the phone. And even then they were short conversations that kept things light-and superficial.

"I can't really tell you why they are spending time together-I promised I wouldn't." My heart dropped down to my stomach. She must have noticed.

"But it's not what you are thinking. They are just close friends...and Seamus is going through some hard times right now--"

I let out a groan. "That's really not good..." I eyed her for a second. "Why is every guy on campus who just so happens to be attracted to you guys going through hard times right now?"

She rolled her eyes. "Hey, you are requesting my services as well, aren't you? And there's nothing going on between us."

Touche.

"I just feel like Seamus depends on Alice more than he should. He talks and talks about about wanting to be her friend, but then he monopolizes her time."

Bella shook her head. "No, it's mutual. He's been a great help to her at times. And she helps him when she can too. "

I felt like an ass, but I couldn't help myself.

"Why did they go out today, Bella? Was it like a date?" This was the real reason I had come here. I had to know what Alice was doing with Seamus for the entire afternoon. She told me she would be busy when I asked her to lunch. I was hoping I could catch her before she left her dorm this afternoon. And that's when I saw them--getting into her car.

Bella looked at me for a moment, and then busted out in laughter. "Dude, they went to Costco together! Emmett's with them right now too. Alice takes them to Costco every couple weeks cause they don't have a car and they are both on a tight budget. They buy boxes and boxes of those damn Cup-O-Noodles..."

A wave of relief came over me, as I factored Costco and Emmett into the "date" equation. Bella's phone began to ring, and she put up a finger as if to say "one second" as she took the call.

The voice on the other end sounded frantic almost. It was high pitched and talking quickly. "Shh, Rose. Start from the beginning, hon."

Damn, maybe it wasn't just guys who were asking Bella for counseling sessions.

She nodded as the voice continued to talk at a fast rate. "Well, are any of your family home right now?" The voice said no.

Bella checked her watch. "Listen, I'll figure something out, okay? Don't worry, I'm sure between Alice and I, we can figure something out." Bella soothed the voice on the other end before hanging up.

"You remember Rose, right?" I nodded. "Her power's going off and on with the storm, and she's freaking out. I need to see if Alice can either stay with her or take her to our dorm. She's too freaked out to drive right now." She flipped open her phone again, and called Alice.

Just call Alice and Bella _Stray Puppy Central_. And I totally included myself in that mix.

00000000000000000000000

**RPOV **

I had every curtain drawn open to let in as much light as possible. But it was going to get dark soon. Bella said Alice was going to call me any minute..

Lightning struck through the sky, with a booming sound of thunder not far behind.

I threw my face into my hands, trying to stay in the present. Sometimes a sound, or an image, or even a scent will take me back to certain moments I didn't ever want to be taken back to. Morments that most of the time I defiantly ignored. But the sound of rain and thunder--the flashes of lightning...they were the things that took my mind back more violently than any other reminder. I checked my phone again. Nothing.

Bella wasn't getting off for another three hours. Alice was out for a couple hours herself for some type of practice. There wasn't anyone else I felt comfortable calling--or seeing me in this state. I knew I was scaring Bella. She wasn't used to hearing me like this. But she wouldn't ask questions, either. Neither would Alice.

Just then, a knock was at my door. Alice? I opened it up. Not Alice.

"Emmett?" I was going to kill Bella.

"Rose..." Emmett's voice was low, barely above a whisper. He looked me over quickly, assessing the situation in that Emmetty way that was all too knowing: the puffy, red eyes, the messy ponytail, the oversized sweats. Emmett probably WOULD ask questions. I tried to make up in bravado what my appearance couldn't.

"Listen, I'm sure Bella sent you over here. But just let her know that my power's on now and I'm okay. Thanks..." I looked at him impatiently

He didn't buy my line though. His eyes didn't break with mine; he simply shook his head slightly, as if to dismiss my act. "Rose, if the power's back on, why is your apartment completely dark?" A flash of pain ran through his face as he looked into my face again, momentarily freezing me. What did he see?

I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily. My rudeness had scared him away before--it couldn't hurt to see if worked now. "Bye, Emmett." I was about to close the door, when his leg wedged itself in.

"Listen Rose, you may have a problem with me here. But I promised Alice and Bella right now that I'd stay with you until one of them could come over. Alice was so worried about you, she lent me her car so I could get over here as soon as possible. They told me how upset you were earlier, so please don't try to act like you are okay now."

I opened the door slightly, my resolve to be a bitch lessening with each moment he stared at me with that appraising eye.

"I'm not going to break my promise to Bella and Alice, Rose. And the only way I will do that is if you tell me you honestly don't trust me in your apartment. Is that the case?" He looked at me for a straight answer.

"I trust you, it's just..."

"Good," he said in a more pleasant tone. He stared me over one more time and then poked me in the rib the way my big brother would. "'Have you eaten anything today? You look all skin and bones right now." He cut me off before I could respond.

"Wait right here, I've got something downstairs."

00000

Fifteen minutes later, I was trying hard to hold back from gagging.

"Spam? Your solution to me not eating all day is Spam? "

"Not just Spam, but Top Ramen soup noodles with sliced Spam and green onions. Nothing's better on a rainy day." Apparently, we were "enjoying" the spoils of his Costco run with Alice earlier.

Oh, brother.

He pushed the bowl in front of me with a proud smile. I was screwed; he expected me to lick the damn bowl clean, I could tell. I picked up the spoon and fork with hesitation and lifted up just a little bit of noodle. He brushed my hands aside as he took my untensils.

"No, no, no. You need to pick up the noodles with the fork like this. Then you put them on the spoon, and dip it into the soup to get some broth mixed with the noodles." He was taking this so seriously, I couldn't help but let out a soft laugh. He raised the fork up again. "Now...get a slice of spam, put it on top of the noodles. And then top it with green onion." With that, he shoved it into my mouth.

I was ready to spit it out if I had to. Spam made hot dogs seem like Kosher fare in comparison. But oddly enough, it didn't taste half bad. He nodded his head at my conversion to canned pork shoulder.

"It's a culinary staple in my household. The secret is in frying the Spam before you put it in the soup." He said this with such a sense of accomplishment. And that made me smile--even if it made me a little nauseous at the same time.

0000000

**EPOV**

I walked into our room, and he was waiting for me. I wasn't sure what to say yet. Or where to start.

"Hey."

He nodded his head as he placed a DVD in the player. I sat down on my bed. He did the same.

"Edward."

I looked at him. "You asked if anything physical happened other than the night you walked in. I kissed her once before-nothing more."

I was about to start in, but he stopped me with his hand. "It was the night you asked me to watch her when you left the frat party with Bella. I asked you to go back to our place instead. I didn't want to have to watch Alice that night or take her back to our room; because things were changing between us, and I knew it. And you know what you said to me?"

I didn't remember.

"You insisted on going back to their dorm, leaving Alice out of a place to stay for the night--unless she stayed with me. Cause you said you liked how Bella's pillowcases smelled."

Oops. Big oops.

"I'm sorry I've been an ass, and I'm sorry if I've gotten in between you and Alice at times. And I know it's weird to think of us maybe getting together. But I do love her, and if she does end up dating me, I'll treat her with all the respect she deserves."

I nodded, not sure what else to say. He picked up the remote control.

"What are you watching," I asked.

"Remember the Titans."

"Great movie," I said quietly.

"Yep," he answered.

We settled down onto our beds, and watched in companionable silence.

000000000000000000

**RPOV**

"Oh, no, Rose-I would have handled it like a pro. I know the difference between pads and tampons. Heck, I know all the different sizes to tampons even, from shopping for my three sisters and Mom. Super Plus, Super, Regular, Slim..."

Emmett and I actually didn't have much in common, as we soon realized. We had been talking for hours waiting for Bella or Alice to give me a ring. But even though we had very different backgrounds, in some ways, it was like we had the flip side of the same experiences. He was the eldest brother of three younger sisters. I was the youngest with two older brothers. My mother had left when I was still in elementary school; Emmett's father had past away when he was eleven. I grew up in a chaotic, loud, nonreligious home. Emmett grew up in a very strict and religious family. And yet, somehow, his experiences mirrored mine in a upside down way. Which made sense I guess--he came from New Zealand. He was the odd man out in his family as the only boy. I was the odd girl out in my family as the only female.

His tampon remarks countered my story of how life in an all male household was so fustrating sometimes. The one time my brother had to buy my tampons for me, he came back instead with panty liners with "wings" and told me they would have to do. He was too mortified to look any further than the "bird pads."

"Pffff...panty liners, what an amateur. Doesn't he know that's for light days with mere spotting?" It was funny to look at both of us, I was thinking. We were both the epitome of our genders in terms of looks. And yet, I tried so hard to counteract that outside shell's appearance. In some ways, Emmett counteracted his appearance too.

I felt like now was the time more than any, to ask him what I had been meaning to ask him since the last time I saw him. It was now or never.

"Emmett...you know how I asked you why you kept saying to me it was going to be okay?"

He nodded, his tone growing more sober.

"DO you know why you say that to me?"

He was hesitating...I could see it in his eyes. He probably didn't trust me to handle the answer. Could I blame him?

"I won't fly off the handle. Honestly. The only reason I got defensive with you was that it was sort of ...eerie how you would say it at key times." I hoped that would encourage him some.

He twisted his lips slightly and then nodded. "Okay, but don't take this wrong. Since you tend to take things wrong very easily..." He raised his eyebrow up with a smile and I nodded in guilt.

"Because it's a compliment, really. But, you know how my father passed away, right?"

I nodded.

"I was only eleven at the time. But when it happened, everyone kept telling me that I was the head of the family now as the oldest boy. That it was my duty to look after my sisters AND my mom."

"That sucks." That was all I could come up with, and it sounded inappropriate, given the subject.

'No, it was true. But being only eleven, I almost took the idea of "looking after" my mom too literally.' He laughed sadly.

"What do you mean?"

He smiled at me for a moment before continuing. I think my civility was surprising him. It was making me feel horrible that being civil would be such a shock for me.

"Well, I literally would watch my mom all the time, to see if she was okay. I worried about her constantly, because she was my only parent left and there's this fear as a child that you could easily lose her too."

He put his hand on his head for a second. I understood that fear all too well myself.

"But I became very astute at reading my mother's face to see how she was doing. She's a very strong woman, and would never let her children see her break down. She wanted to be our rock after everything we'd been through."

"She sounds incredible, Emmett." My heart flickered slightly, thinking of how differently I viewed my own mother who left and kept little contact with us at this point.

"She is, Rose. But...there were these moments, where the facade would crack. For just a brief second, I'd see just how much she had to work to keep up that strong appearance for us. I can't describe it exactly. But...it's like tapping your head while rubbing your tummy in circles. Trying to keep up that appearance was a balancing act for her. And sometimes, she'd lose the rhythm before she could get the balance act going again." He started doing the tummy-head motions, and I reflexively joined him. It took me a couple seconds to get the hang of it.

"See!?" Emmett pointed at me. "Before you got the rhythm down, your tongue stuck out slightly, like you were concentrating hard. THAT'S what it was like sometimes when watching my mother's facade fall for a brief moment. It was like her rhythm was off, and she was trying to get back into the motion of things and appear strong again. But before you knew it, the facade was back up, like I had imagined it all."

He looked at me with piercing eyes. "Sometimes Rose, I see that same look in you. Where your strong presence trips up for a very brief second, and you are trying to get back into the proper gears. You don't have to tell me why that is. Just know I see it in you sometimes, and I admire it. Just like I admired it in my mom." He looked off past me for a moment. " It makes me want to say to you what I always said to her when I caught it. That it was going to be okay."

I couldn't look away from him, even though he wasn't staring at me. His eyes were still past me in the distance. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I wasn't going to let them fall. Instead, I just nodded in understanding to what he said.

"Your mom raised you well, Emmett." He just laughed.

"Can I ask you one question, Rose?" I nodded.

"Are the thunder and the lightning...do they scare you for certain reasons?" He looked like he was worried he'd overstepped the boundaries. "You don't have to tell me why, I just wondered if there was more to it..."

I nodded silently. He sighed and narrowed his eyes at me for a moment. "You know, before my father passed, lightning storms were like a treat in our family. We'd turn off all the lights, scrunch onto the family sofa with blankets and watch it all together like it was a slide show. We never did that again though after he was gone..." He looked at me with a hopeful smile. "Want to give it a try? Maybe create some new memories and I can relive some old ones?"

"Whatever you say, Boy Scout. As long as you don't make me eat any more spam, I'm game."

He laughed as he blew out the few candles we had going and wrapped the the blanket over us. I put my head on his shoulder lightly while he cautiously put his arm around my shoulder. Why did I feel like I was in seventh grade again? Not that I was complaining...

We sat there for a long time, watching the night sky from my living room window. The thunder still scared me with it's booming sounds, but the lightning was beautiful to watch at times. At some point, my phone finally rang while my eyes were closed and I was close to drifting off to sleep. I could have answered it, but I didn't. I knew Alice and Bella would understand.

000000

**a/n: yeah, so my last jasper/edward exchange was very wordy and emotional. I thought that now that their tempers were more in check, they'd have a more "dude" type of covo...lol So, that's why it was short. Cause they were trying to be less dandy this time and more butch...sorta like "what would seamus do?"...lol**


	42. Bella Interruptus

**Chapter 42: Bella Interruptus**

**note: Thanks for all the reviews and comments!**

**note: Happy B-day to Devas. She lovingly calls my version of Bella "Icecrotch" for being so Veronica-Virtuous ways and stuff, so I tried to thaw her out a bit in this chapter in her honor. **

**note: Weezer's "Undone-The Sweater Song" can be youtubed if you are interested--just type the title and band name into the search section. :)**

**000000000000000000**

**EPOV(a/n) The parentheses indicate Edward thinking in his head...the italicized portions in the parentheses indicate him internally singing lyrics)**

I knew I was in trouble the second Bella pulled me through her dorm door and shut it. All the mental preparation, all the damn jogging, all the distraction tactics, all the will power I pooled together to get to this moment? Wasn't amounting to jack shit right now. Houston, I had a problem.

Bella was practicing for tonight's gig - this much I was certain of before I arrived. She was trying to make up for the fact that she had put off practicing all week, save it for a couple band practices. But it had been so easy to put it at the bottom of the list of priorities. She was still waitressing at nights. I wasn't sure why still; all she would say is that she needed a bigger nest egg before quitting. And more importantly, she had been wasting every afternoon with me instead of studying.

Alice was Missing - In - Action everyday with either Seamus or Laurent( never with Jasper though, curiously). It ushered in a new ritual that we had been practicing daily now for a whole week. I picked up Bella from her last class. We'd go back to her bed. We'd make out. And then talk. Then make out some more. Then play Confessional Time(making out seemed to bring "that" out in Bella). And then we'd cap it all off...with more making out. What's not to love?

Apparently, a lot, as this moment was proving.

Bella stood before me in a stretched out sweater that barely covered her backside. She had her thigh high boots on, and her guitar was strapped around her torso. A Sharpie Highlighter was gripped between her lips. Was she wearing a bra? Good Lord.

_(They say I need some Rogaine to put in my hair, Work it out at the gym to fit my underwear..._Ear, focus on her ear...not the earlobe, cause you like sucking on that...just look at the ear canal instead if you can...)

Bella popped the highlighter out of her mouth, her lip gloss leaving a full ring around the marker,

(Crap, look away from the marker. And her lips. Look at her forehead. That's a safe zone..._Woo-ee-oo, I look just like Buddy Holly.Oh-Oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore_._...)_

smiled, and gave me a hug. Definitely braless.

"How's it hanging, toots," she inquired with an innocent smile.

_(_How's it hanging? Great word choice there, Bella, the height of cleverness..._Oakley makes the shades to transform a tool... )_

"Great," I answered with as much conviction as I could muster. Which wasn't much. Since most of my energy was going towards my clenched jaw...and balled fists.

Making out with Bella was like being a grade "A" sinner who stumbled into Mass, noticed a hot nun during the service, managed to get two steps past first base with Hot Nun in the back pew--but then got caught sliding into second by Scary Priest. Who throws you into a Confessional Box to 'fess up to all your sins and defects...before flailing you with one of those whips you saw in the "Davinci Code," and beating your back to a bloody pulp.

Only Bella played both roles of Priest and Nun in this scenario. And Lord knows with the constant thoughts running through my mind about Bella lately, I could play the role of a grade "A" sinner with both hands tied behind my back. Hands tied behind my back...Great. Another thought to add to my "Forbidden Bella Thoughts" treasure trove. I'm hopeless.

She didn't mean to flail me, to make me feel like a subversive pervert for wanting her as much as I did. It was just that she didn't understand...the logistics of physical intimacy yet in relation to the male anatomy. She didn't understand why I couldn't turn it off and on like she could as she tested our physical boundaries - and then screeched it to a grinding halt without a second thought.

I tried to use analogies to make her comprehend. Explaining how a runaway locomotive has to basically run itself out of fuel to finally stop. The energy in my pants, I mean locomotive, had to go somewhere before it would peter out. Pardon the pun. How it helped to not make the locomotive get to the runaway stage in the first place if it ain't going to reach the final station destination.

"What do you mean a guy can't stop at a certain point? Can't you just imagine something creepy as a sort of emergency brake? Like think of your parents having sex to help with the running away part?"

I was _this close_ to buying her a copy of one of those pre-teen sex talk books that used comic strip visuals to explain the particulars. Where you have two smiley faced blueberries and a flushed banana, with accompanying text that might read like this:

"_If orgasm is not achieved after prolonged stimulation, blood and lymphatic fluid tend to pool, and the blood becomes oxygen-deprived. Causing a serious case of blue - berried - balls." _

Of course the next page would have the two blueberries shivering and crying while the flushed banana was on the verge of collapse. At least that's how I'd draw them.

But as fustrated as I was getting with the whole "Let-Bella-explore-on-her-own-time-schedule-without-any-concern-for-the- welfare-of-Edward's-various-appendages-and-their-blood-oxygen-deprived-state" situation, I couldn't do anything about it. I wouldn't, more like. Bella trusted me so completely lately. After I had hurt her so much that night at _Suede_, I wanted nothing more than to regain her trust again. It was only a little over a month since that night; and here she was, showing a level of faith in me that I thought would take years to recover. I didn't want to mess this up again. I loved where I was in her eyes right now.

So I was trying to buck it up as a result, and take one for the team. Team Cullen-Swan.

"Edward?" Bella's voice shook me out of my internal stupor. She leaned in close to the bottom of my ear and inhaled through her nose. "Mmm...you smell freshly showered." She leaned back. "Did you run again this afternoon? I thought you already went last night?"

I nodded sheepishly-to both inquiries.

"Geez, Edward, you've been so health conscious lately, it's making me feel guilty." You should. Wait, I didn't mean that. Too much. But my new foray into running had very little to do with health consciousness, and everything to do with Operation Appendage Survival. There was nothing like a three mile jog to get the runaway locomotive more in check. Two three mile jogs within twelve hours? That much better.

Bella pulled me in again with her arms, kissed me, and then leaned back. She caught me taking a sneak at her chester. I mean. Sweater. Well, the chest underneath the sweater. Damnit...focus.

_(I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans, Excuse my manners if i make a scene_)

"Oh," she said, "I'm multi-tasking right now. Trying to practice while Alice insists on creating a new outfit for me tonight." I looked down at her sweater.The sweater did NOT look like something Alice would personally pick for Bella. It was old looking, there were a lot of snags, and it was stretched out on the bottom. Bella caught my appraisal.

"Oh, she's not leaving the sweater like this." She held up the sharpie marker. "Alice just marked up my torso to show me where she wanted me to unravel the sweater to turn it into a top."

Unravel? I had to ask.

"Where does she want to unravel it to?"

She just smiled and put the marker back in her mouth. Tease. Bella began to play the familiar guitar riff again.

"Your sister is taking the lyrics to one of our songs so literally. I keep explaining to her that the song is not about a literal sweater being destroyed and unraveled. But she insists on using it as a visual theme for me tonight." Bella sighed. "I think it's just an excuse to cut this sweater up. She hates when I wear it."

A song about a sweater being destroyed and unraveled? Say it ain't so.

"Which song is that, Bella?"

"_Undone, the Sweater Song_, by Weezer."

DAMNIT. DAMNIT, Bella. She was the most dangerous creature. Ever. Even when she wasn't trying to be, she was destroying my defenses left and right.

One of my biggest weapons in the fight to protect Bella from knowing how hard this was for me was the power of distraction. Distraction in the form of imagery that was as sexless as possible. And that's where Weezer came in. Brilliant band, brilliant songs - I knew most of their lyrics by heart. And that was the point, because lyrically they created the most sexless imagery at times. My instant lyrical recall to invoke lines about Pork and Beans and Rogaine and Superman Skivvies and Oakleys helped to temper my runaway thoughts.

I had made a Weezer foundationed refuge to hide away from all my thoughts of having mad monkey sex with Bella. And with one ratty looking sweater and no bra, she suddenly sexified my internal Weezer lyrical library. Suddenly, the very name of "Weezer" was taking on sexual connotations.

"Earth to Edward..." I looked up at her. She searched my eyes for a moment.

"Is something wrong?" Her eyebrows furrowed in concern as she took off her guitar and led me by the hand to her bed. I plopped down as she retrieved a pair of scissors off the desk .

"You may need to leave for a minute while I...unravel." Bella rolled her eyes. She could never stay in an innuendo-plagued moment without feeling ridiculous.

I tried to get up and do the right thing. But honestly, my feet were tired. The bed felt good. Maybe I could just close my eyes?

But my normal tactic of diffusing the sexual thoughts--reciting Weezer's adventures into Rogaineland--had suddenly been neutralized by Bella-the-Braless-Sweater-Wearing-Wonder. Without that distractionary buffer to turn to, my defenses came down for a brief moment. And that's all it took.

A put-out sigh escaped me. "Please, Bella, I saw you in your knickers before I even kissed you. Twice in one night even; if I remember correctly, when we played show and tell with your tattoo. I think I can handle a quick flash without losing my mind."

Liar. Scheming, pervy liar.

Bella blushed and quickly responded.

"Oh, I know you can handle it. But with all that runaway steam engine talk lately, I was just trying to be more thoughtful."

I'm such a jerk.

"If you are staying, will you help me with cutting the back if the sweater?"

I nodded casually even as I concluded internally that: a) no, I couldn't handle it; and b) I shouldn't help with the unraveling of any of Bella's clothes in any form. Not if I wanted to keep up the "You're the sweetest boyfriend ever" title she'd recently bestowed upon me. .

With a shy smile she walked over and handed me the scissors.

"So, Alice wants me to cut it off to a certain point. And then pull out some of the threads randomly to give it a more unraveled look." I asked her where I was suppossed to cut. She lifted her sweater up slowly: over her thighs, her hips, and stopping right below her breasts. Aw, the the Clover was in sight now. It was like class reunion with Bella's body parts. It almost made me feel giddy and sentimental at the same time.

"Ahem." I was assuming that was a signal for me to actually look at her face now, but not until I gave Clover a quick wink.

"So, the yellow marks are where Alice told me to cut the sweater. If you...could."

I pulled her sweater back down regrettably and began to cut a straight, vertical line up the middle. When I hit the her hip, I turned the scissors to the side and began to cut horizontally around Bella. With each snip that followed the yellow brick road Alice provided around Bella's waist, the sweater material would fall away from her flesh.

This was the best of both worlds. I looked like a sensitive seamstress, helping tailor my girlfriend's outfit. At the same time, I was getting a makeshift peepshow up close and personal.

As my snipping took me around the bend to her bum, I got a better look at Bella's panties. At first they looked like regular bikini cut. But from the back, they actually reminded me of the tighty whities I used to wear as a kid. I don't know if that made me a perv or something, but the end result was a sight more sexy than a thong. I gave her a pointed look.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just your tighty whities are a little distracting." Understatement. of. the. year.

She laughed as I ended up back front and center, cutting of the last piece of material before planting a quick kiss on her tattoo. She nudged me backwards with her knee, until I reached her headboard. Bella straddled my lap.

"So, Edward, you gonna help me unravel this or what?"

Hot Nun time. Which means the Scary Priest couldn't be more than 5 minutes behind. I had to act fast; if I was going to go to hell for losing the sweetest-ever-boyfriend-title, I might as well do it thoroughly.

I fingered the tattered threads at the bottom of her sweater gently while I looked at her.

"So, how does the chorus go for the Sweater Song again?" I knew it. I just wanted to hear them come out of her mouth.

"_Watch me unravel, I'll soon be naked_," Bella sang out, with a hint of a smirk.

Hot Nun was egging me on to slide into second. I couldn't believe it. That must have meant Scary Priest was probably only two minutes behind then to regulate instead of five. Had to act faster.

"Okay." With that, I bunched several stray threads from the bottom of her sweater into my hand--and pulled forcefully to break their binding. It didn't budge. She burst out in laughter at my apparent incompetency.

"Son of a..." Time was of the essence. Maybe a more gentle pull to individual threads...that seemed to do the trick. My busy little fingers made their way up north efficiently, with the threads unraveling to expose Bella's midriff. I felt like I was unwrapping my lastest and bestest Christmas present at that moment.

"Edward, not too high up, or else this top will look obscene, especially in the front like that..." Our foreheads were touching now, both watching me at work. She closed the space between our lips with a sweet kiss. Was she telling me to wrap things up and slow down?

"Edward, I think you are the only man on earth I could straddle in tighty whities and leather boots while watching him unthread my sweater -- and not die of shame."

Yes! It's Confessional Time. Which according to Bella's Hot Mass schedule, means makeout time follows directly after.

Wait, that was really sweet what she said though...

"Bella, you're the only girl I want straddling me in tighty whities."

I recaptured her lips, and they were waiting for me.

"Edward, I love you."

It was barely above a whisper. She'd said it before, but never so directly or snark free. My fingers froze in place. Maybe Scary Priest didn't have to make an appearance to stop my sweater unraveling incline.

"I love you, Bella. More than you have any clue." I left out a fustrated laugh and put my head on her shoulder.

She giggled in my ear before taking both sides of my shirt hem, and guiding it over my head. Bella gently led my hands back to the incredibly shrinking sweater.

"Now, this isn't very romantic. But I do have some clue Edward how much you love me, so this is for your runaway locomotive caboose. No sliding into second base head first. Yet. And no stealing bases beyond that. Batter up."

I let out a chuckle as she pulled me backwards onto her bed. She was my undoing, and my redemption--all at the same time.

--

"Hey Mom..."

I groaned, and Bella hit my shoulder with a smile. We had both fallen asleep, only to be awaken with an onslaught of calls from Bella's cellphone. We tried to ignore them at first; but. it was clear the person was going to keep on ringing until she picked up.

Bella jumped off the bed, and put on my tshirt before finding a pair of shorts on the floor. I snickered as she peeked back to see if I was watching her. She threw them on quickly and then gave me a "this will take a couple minutes" sign with her finger. She hurried outside and closed the door.

Renee had been calling her constantly in the past month; from what little Bella told me, she was having some marital troubles. Bella would take the calls no matter what she was doing, and I always knew that it was Renee by the change of Bella's voice. It went from Bella voice to Overly Concerned Parental Figure voice.

I loved that side of Bella, how she didn't think twice about caring for those she loved. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of resentment where Renee was concerned though. After her phone calls, Bella would worried sick for hours afterward. She wouldn't voice her worries either - that was the worst part. Bella would simply withdraw and tell me everything was fine. It wasn't obviously. Did her mother know how much she laid at her door, every time she called Bella in a panic?

I leaned into her side of the bed and buried my head into her pillow. I couldn't help but smile as images began pouring into my head of this afternoon. How Bella pulled me back onto the bed, her face flushed and eyes bright. How she let me continue to undo the threads on the front of her sweater until her sweater was nearly seperated in two in the front, while kissing her at the same time.

My kisses only stopped once I reached the top of the sweater - I lifted my head up ceremoniously as I unraveled the last piece that held the sweater together in front. The sweater was now divided, all the way down the front of her chest. Both flaps fell to the side lazily, exposing a hint of each of her inner breasts.

"Wow, this looks like a cross breed of pasties and a hoodie...I'm going to be a hit with the boys tonight onstage," she joked. But her voice was shaky and her breathing was heavy. She was nervous for me to completely move the flaps, and expose her completely. I didn't though--how could I while she was hyperventilating like that? I'd wait until she was ready.

"Beautiful, smart ass girl," I mumbled as my head dipped down. She startled slightly, thinking I was forgetting the ground rules.

I hadn't. I let the sweater flaps stay right where they were, leaving her breasts covered for the most part. My lips simply left a trail of light kisses in the valley between her breasts. Her breathing hitched slightly with the first kiss, her back stiffening in response. But with each new peck that navigated along the straight and narrow path, she relaxed. I could feel her bare flesh on either side of my cheek as I laid down my lips along her sternum.

"Edward," Bella murmured as my kisses eventually reached her collarbone.

"Hmmm..."

"Thanks." She smiled at me as I looked up at her briefly. And with both hands, she pulled the remnants of her sweater off her chest-herself.

000

"Nicccce. Edward strikes again, I see." My eyes opened to Alice standing beside the bed, holding up Bella's completely damaged sweater. I lifted my shoulders casually.

"She decided she wanted to make it into a shrug instead." Alice was slightly amused, even if she tried to hide it.

"I can't believe you wanted her to wear that sweater at all. You cringe everytime she's worn it."

Alice shook her head. "Edward, Think about it. I left Bella alone for two hours half naked, knowing you were coming over. It was like a prezzie for you, silly! And her..."

All I could do was stare at her in confusion.

"You know I'm a light sleeper, right?" I nodded.

"Do you know what I was subjected to for the last seven nights while you guys slept together? God, it was intolerable. If you weren't both awake whispering eachother's names like love-sick cows, you were saying eachother's names in your sleep like love-sick perverted goats."

She gave me a wink as she grabbed a bag and was heading out the door. "You both seem to be at a sensual impasse with all the collective baggage you two bring to the table. So think of this as a little nudge from your very own Fairy Godsister."

I yelled out to her as she was leaving, "Yeah? Well, don't expect me to return the favor for you and Jasper."

She poked her head back into the room: "HA! Like we would need any nudging at this point!"

--

Thirty minutes later, and Bella was still on the phone with her mother. I peeked outside, and she was absorbed in their discussion at the end of the hall. I wandered back into her room, settling myself in at her desk. I laughed at the utter chaos on her there. Papers were strewn everywhere, as well as small momentos. I saw a movie ticket stub sticking out from a date we had the other night. It made me smile. Our first picture we ever took was clipped to the side of her lamp. Another picture of Alice and her from their first show was clipped on the other side.

I couldn't help myself--I began to rifle through the mess, looking for more momentos. I found other treasures along the way. She was always guarded about what songs she was singing for her sets at Casey's. But several lyrical sheets were indicating what I could be in store for.

A flash of green was poking out in the middle of all the white sheet copies. I automatically pulled it out to see what it was.

Bella's name was on the front. It was some type of greeting card, and I was about to put it back...when the writing caught my eye. I flipped the envelope to the back absentmindedly, and found a series of cartoon drawings.

The first stick drawing was titled "Bella by day." The stick girl was holding books and standing by a taller stick figure. The second stick drawing was titled "Hell's Bells by night." The stick drawing was holding a guitar, and musical notes were coming out of her mouth. A taller stick figure was to her side, making the devil sign with his fingers. James, I thought instinctively. What the hell...

The right thing to do at this moment was to put it back. If I was truly curious, I could ask her about it. But I hadn't been doing many things right today.

I quickly took the card out of the envelope. The front cover was decorated with a teddy bear who was frowning:

_"Wishing Good Thoughts Your Way."_

Weird.

I read the inside flap of the card:

_"Whatever happens ,hold on to these thoughts… _

_You are stronger than you can imagine, braver than you know… "_

My eyes scanned next to the actual note:

_"Hey, Hell's Bells. Just wanted to send some good thoughts your way. Don't apologize again about the other day. I'm glad I could help. You can't save the world. You can't save your mom either. That's all I can tell you from my experience. Take care of yourself, okay? J."_

I sat there for good minute before putting the envelope back on the desk. Nothing in the card was flirtatious or inappropriate. There was nothing I could use to justify any righteous indignation if I confronted her. But there were implications there of familiarity and connections - connections I didn't know existed between them. How did he know about her mother?

I would have preferred it if the card was simply flirtatious. Bella was not a flirt by nature; hell, it was hard for her to flirt with me half the time. But give Bella a wounded puppy in need of care, and bam! You've found an "in" with her. And James was intuitive about finding "ins."

The door opened five minutes later. She gave me an apologetic look as she slumped onto my lap.

"Sorry about that. Thank God I have unlimited minutes." Her attempt at a joke fell flat.

"What's going on with Renee?"

Bella let out a heavy sigh and put her head on my shoulder. "Nothing. Just more of the same old stuff."

I held her tightly as I tried not to let that flip response sting me. She had never even attempted to tell me what the "same old stuff" was in the first place.

000000000000000000


	43. James

**quick a/n: regarding chapter 42:**

Wow, guys, I got a flood of personal messages about this chapter. To make sure I answer them all in a timely manner, I'm just doing an author's note.

**In regards to this last chapter:**

1) Edward doesn't know the context of the card giving. Context will matter.

2) James' motivations will be revealed soon. I'm thinking about actually having his pov highlighted in a coming chapter to reveal it.

3) Up until now, Bella's had the upper hand in this relationship. Some of the plotlines going on right now are about Bella being humbled a little bit more so that they can have a more equal relationship with Edward. Bella's 18 and likes to think she's lived a full life. She's full of crap though sometimes-and she'll realize that soon. lol

4) This story is mainly about how Bella and Edward try to negotiate first love as flawed individuals. I'm not planning on big drama in terms of their obstacles really. It's more about common pitfalls everyone's faced when you fall for someone the first time.


	44. When Everything Else Is Gone

**Chapter 42: When Everything Else is Gone**

**note: thanks for the reviews!**

**note: happy early b-day crazyforedwardrn!**

**note:** I've got three songs in this chapter up on the top of my profile...okay, and if you don't know the song from INCUBUS, I command thee! I command thee to go to the link. And seriously, more than my bella and edward, it's lyrics are so Twilight Edward and Bella. Gorgeous. And Alice is channeling Garbage mainly cause I was listening to them all week...hey, I was in a sentimental mood for 90's divas!

**1) Garbage: Cherry Lips**

**2) Garbage: Paranoid**

**3) Incubus: Everything Else is Gone**

**note:** **FAQ: WTH happened physically with Bella and Edward? Why didn't you "chronicle" it more?**; Bella gave him groundrules-second base, no "sliding in head first." When he started stealing second though, she got nervous. He didn't push it. But she ended up coming around herself-and taking off what was left of her top. I had "chronicled" the second base steal with more detail initially, but you know what? I liked it better with Bella simply taking off her shirt herself--I thought that made a better ending, because it was about Bella owning the moment instead of just "putting out." It was anticlimatic at that point to be all, "And then Edward touched her hard, puckered nipple while she arched her back as she moaned in his mouth" and blah blah blah and all that jive...haha

**FAQ: Why is Bella taking her time with the physical intimacy. **Not Bella's fault--mine. I know it may be hard to believe, but these kids are only like three weeks since they went official, for the first couple weeks, saw eachother very little(due to Bella's rehearsals and work shifts). She's a virgin with no experience, so waiting two weeks to steal second base isn't really too hard to imagine. I just blab too much each chapter which makes it seem like they've been together longer.

00000000000000000000000000000000

**Last chapter:**

**EPOV**

_read the inside flap of the card:_

"Whatever happens ,hold on to these thoughts…

You are stronger than you can imagine, braver than you know… "

_My eyes scanned next to the actual note:_

"Hey, Hell's Bells. Just wanted to send some good thoughts your way. Don't apologize again about the other day. I'm glad I could help. You can't save the world. You can't save your mom either. That's all I can tell you from my experience. Take care of yourself, okay? J."

_I sat there for good minute before putting the envelope back on the desk. Nothing in the card was flirtatious or inappropriate. There was nothing I could use to justify any righteous indignation if I confronted her. But there were implications there of familiarity and connections - connections I didn't know existed between them. How did he know about her mother? _

_I would have preferred it if the card was simply flirtatious. Bella was not a flirt by nature; hell, it was hard for her to flirt with me half the time. But give Bella a wounded puppy in need of care, and bam! You've found an "in" with her. And James was intuitive about finding "ins."_

_The door opened five minutes later. She gave me an apologetic look as she slumped onto my lap. _

_"Sorry about that. Thank God I have unlimited minutes." Her attempt at a joke fell flat._

_"What's going on with Renee?"_

_Bella let out a heavy sigh and put her head on my shoulder. "Nothing. Just more of the same old stuff."_

_I held her tightly as I tried not to let that flip response sting me. She had never even attempted to tell me what the "same old stuff" was in the first place._

00000000000000000000000

**JPOV(bold print is the song lyrics Alice is singing: "Cherry Lips" by Garbage):**

**"She gave you everything she had**

**But she was young and dumb...she just turned 21..."**

She hated me. Alice was onstage, wailing yet another song that was equal parts angst and girl power. Her only up-with-people song was dedicated to the "Polynesian Mafia" because of it's Reggae influences -- after which Seamus and his "The Rock"-look-alike friends threw their hands up in victory. What do they fortify the public water with over there in New Zealand? Creatine and Steroids? She stared right at me throughout the chorus:

**"You're such a delicate Boy**

**In the hysterical realm..."**

Let me qualify that previous conclusion. She hates me...AND she thinks I'm a huge pussy on top of it.

I had these weird visions that after I declared myself, we were going to ride off into the sunset. Alice never even showed up to get on the damn horse with me.

I'd hardly seen her at all the whole week, because she said she was extra busy. Yet she wasn't too busy to hang out with the "Polynesian Mafia" almost daily. Edward told me as much once we started talking again. He probably wanted her to date Seamus, now that I was in the running. How could I compete with He-Man and his intact hymen now that Edward was all pumped on playing Big Brother?

The song finished, and Alice was winking demurely at Bella as she took in the applause.

Alice had always been an attention-getter. She never had to do anything to receive it. With her perfectly petite figure, and those lips and eyes, she found herself the center of attention wherever she went. But looking like Alice while performing in front of alcoholically lubricated horny college guys?I felt like I needed to throw a burlap sack over her to ensure her own safety.And yet she took it all in stride, with a bemused smirk on her face.

She headed out the backdoor for their set break. When I caught up with her, she was sitting on top of a concrete slab as she wiped down her neck with a napkin. Beautiful girl.

"What's up, Riot Grrl." I sat down beside her tenatively, giving her some personal space. "You sounded great up there."

Alice's eyes narrowed my way as she kneed me. "You are being so polite lately. Stop it." Alice smiled, but it seemed forced. "It's weirding me out."

How was I suppossed to act? I had no idea what was going on between us at the moment.

"It's just weird sitting in the audience, watching you live out my wildest Guitar Hero fantasies." I kneed her back.

"Good, Whitlock. Now you know how much it sucked being a cheerleader on the sidelines while you garnered all the praise on the field."

"You cheerleaders never cheered at our La Crosse games."

She thought for a moment. "Ha, that's right. Well, I came to all your games anyways. I was just in civilian clothes."

I tapped her foot with mine - how old was I, thirteen? " I went to your cheerleading competitions, too, you know."

Her eyebrow raised slightly. "You did, but you always looked so morbid in the stands, like an overprotective parent who was sure I was going to be dropped. You don't make faces like you see the formation collapsing at the girl whose ass is on top of the pyramid!"

I couldn't help but laugh. "The look on my face seemed morbid? It was more a look of extreme concentration." I pursed my lips, but kept chuckling. Her face demanded elaboration.

"It was the only time I had free reign to look up that tiny little cheerleading skirt of yours. I was trying to commit the view to long term memory."

Her jaw dropped open as she smacked my shoulder. "Ew, Jasper! I remember that look! Your eyebrows were all furrowed and you'd put your thumb in your mouth! Oh God, you perv..." Her laughter trailed off as I took her hand in mine.

"I'm looking foward to Friday." I stared into her eyes, trying to convey how much I was looking forward to it. Somehow, that only made her break out in laughter harder.

"Oh, no. Did I just get a glimpse of the Jaspernator right now? Was that the sort of stare the Jaspernator unleashed on unsuspecting co-eds at parties?"

I stiffened. "Who told you that?"

"James narc'ed on you. You guys are the worst at nicknames; you know that, right?"

Stupid James.

"I have request for Friday, Jas. No shades of the Jaspernator are allowed on our date. I only want my Jasper that night. That's the guy I want to go out with."

She jumped off the slab, gave me a quick peck on the neck, and walked back through the door without another word.

0000000000000000

**EPOV**

"What up, Cullen?" He passed me casually, lifting his eyebrows in my direction. I had been watching him the whole time during the set break. Bella went into the employee break room. James had floated over in the general direction, no doubt waiting for her to reappear. But the minute he saw me, he headed towards the restroom instead.

Sketchy.

Timing was everything in approaching Bella about this; but I wasn't in a patient mood.

I knew they had become friends during that month that Bella and I didn't see eachother. James would walk her to a couple classes because of their relative proximity to his. I had questioned her about it before in passing. Bella didn't get what the big deal was.

"I hate how everyone acts like James has this magical peen that will seduce even the most stalwart of virgins. It's way less dramatic to befriend him than avoid him out of fear of him ravishing me in the hallways on my way to class. Can you give me a little more credit?"

It was a good point, but only if James was interested in bedding Bella. I wasn't so sure that was the point anymore.

That was the case originally. James loved egging me on about her, whether in front of her or just between us. He'd call her his wifey constantly, ask for her number, act completely obnoxious when she was around, make moose calls at her. He'd stand too close to her, look at her too intensely.

And then suddenly, all of "that" stopped. There was a new James in town - the New and Improved James who never said a word about Bella to me anymore. He never said a word period - just civil greetings when he was forced to. He stopped calling her wifey. In front of her, he'd act the part of the reformed ass who just needed a friend to bring out his better side.

But I'd catch looks here and there that told me differently. Every time I happened upon their ritualistic walk to class, his put-out expressions let me know that my presence was unwelcomed. Same old competitive, territorial James. Different packaging.

And yet, Bella looked on, oblivious to it all. Like a proud pet owner who taught her doggy how to roll over.

--

She was alone in the breakroom, with her head down on the table.

"Bells." She jumped up from her seat. I started laughing despite myself as she practically jumped into my arms. She nuzzled into my neck.

"I'm ready to go home already. Come home with me tonight. Alice will let you stay if I beg properly. " It was such a sweet moment. And I was about to ruin it.

"Bella, this is incredibly shitty timing, I know. But why is James sending you Hallmark greeting cards about your Mom, when I have no clue what's going on?" There, I said it.

She stared at me for a moment, as if she was trying to ingest what I had stated. "You're looking through my things?"

I shook my head. "Not exactly. It was lying on your desk. I was sitting there for almost a whole hour while you talked to your mom. And the stick figures of you and James frolicking by day and night on the envelope caught my attention."

She bit her bottom lip, her eyes narrowing. Good news: she didn't look guilty in the least. Bad news: she looked super pissed.

"I wish you would have just asked me instead of looking. I would have been glad to show you."

I apologized but then paused, wanting her to answer the question I posed.

"He gave me that card because I got embarrassed the other day, that's all. I was having a bad day after talking to my mom. I left my class early when I started getting emotional. I went outside, and he was right by the door. He had gotten out early that day too by chance."

By chance?

"I was crying. He was really nice, he shielded me somewhat from any attention as he walked me home."

Shielded translated into him getting a chance to put his arm around her. Ugh.

'He kept asking what was wrong. I told him a little of what happened. Emphasis on "little." He gave me a few encouraging words. And then he handed me that card later in the week because he knew I felt dumb for crying in front of him. End of story.'

That sounded good. But it didn't answer everything. "You guys seem to talk a lot though. His letter wasn't just a generic note. It implied things." She asked what type of things.

"That you guys know eachother better than I realized. That you tell him things you haven't shared with me. About your mom and your family."

She bit her lip again. But this time, it looked sheepish instead of pissed.

"I don't know that much about him, but he's told me some things about his family before."

"What things did he tell you?"

She just shook her head. I let out a groan.

"God, you're doing it again." Bella, champion of the downtrodden, infringed, and unbeloved. If anyone loved an underdog, it was Bella.

She jerked her head back to look at me better. "What?"

"You're always loving the wrong things."

An indignant breath escaped her lips. "Love, Edward? Please don't be dramatic."

"Fine, take your pick with a verb, Bella. Trusting, caring about, protecting, having faith in, whatever. The bottom line is you always love the wrong things. Dangerous things."

She looked me square in the eye. "And you include yourself in that designation?"

"Absolutely." I shook my head slightly. "At least in the beginning, Bella. I was dangerous because I was careless. But James? He's dangerous cause he does everything with intent. I can't believe you can't see what he's pulling over on you. You are being so naive."

Those were fighting words there, I realized that.

'That's such an interesting choice of words there, Edward. About how naive I am, and how he's pulling one over on me. Because it's the same argument your own sister made to me the first day I went out with you. And you'd prove her right not more than 4 hours later. Well, doesn't that make me a class "A" idiot for ever giving you another chance? Especially since your reputation rivaled James in your heyday. Which was what...all of one month ago? If you condemn James for not being able to change, Edward, then you are basically condemning yourself.'

She was in full battle mode now, her eyes hard. I wanted to feel angry, pissed off. But all I could feel in that moment was my chest tightening. I couldn't believe she went there.

"There's a difference Bella. And the difference is I have worked hard to change. I changed for you because I love you and I want to be with you. And yet you group me in with James, just so you can win an argument?"

Her mouth dropped slightly.

"What has James honestly done in the last month to liken him to me? Other than stroke your ego for thinking you tamed the campus Cassnova like a regular Dr. Doolittle? And here you are defending him, like you need to protect him from me."

She let out a huge sigh and closed her eyes for a second. "Edward, wait, this is going--"

My bitter laughter cut her off. 'You are always going to pull out the "tramp" card when you are losing an argument, aren't you?' I started to walk out of the room when I heard her follow behind me.'

"Edward, I'm sorry. Don't leave. I mean... don't leave to go home. Please?"

Her voice sounded emotional. I hated the direction the argument went. I stopped but didn't turn around.

"Of course, I'm not going anywhere, Bella. I'm taking you home."

000000000000000000

**BPOV (Alice's song in this section: I'm Paranoid, by Garbage ; Bella's song: "Dig" Incubus)**

He shut the door without looking back. But at least he didn't slam it.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit...

I hate when I'm wrong. He was wrong too in some ways. But he was more right than wrong with what he said.

And I played dirty. I was like some bad cliched boyfriend who calls his girlfriend a "slut" to shut down an argument - just because she asked him to throw his socks in the hamper instead of on the ground.

Part of me felt nauseous. He saw right through me in that moment. I went for the jugular at the first sign of being confronted. But worse, he was right about James. And me.

Edward had pointed this out about me before. I'm used to projects. I like projects. Fixing things is second nature to me. And broken things always seemed to smell me from a mile away. A lost dog, a lost soul, you name it - I'm a magnet that way. Edward freely admits he was a broken thing when I met him. But not all broken things are so willing to fix themselves like Edward. Sometimes broken things don't want to be fixed, even when they ask for help. Sometimes they'll be the first to bite the hand that's offered them. That's where the danger part comes in.

And James was dangerous. I knew that. James was a harmless friend most of the time. But he had his moments where he'd struggle - I could see it. Where he was being manipulative with me, trying to draw me in beyond friendship in a subtle, calibrated way. The only reason I didn't run the other way was he'd switch that gear quickly. "That" always retreated just as quickly as it showed up. So I gave James the benefit of the doubt.

And then there was me. Getting off yet again on being a fixer. I _was_ taking James' better behavior personally. I was taking silent credit for it on some small level. Edward caught it, and I couldn't deny it.

Yeah, part of me felt completely nauseous as I headed down the hall, back to the small stage. But part of me felt humbled too. Because Edward saw right through me right now, called me on my shit without so much as blinking -- and then promised to take me home. All in the same breath.

--

**You look can look, but you can't touch**

**I don't think I like you much**

Alice was snarling into her microphone, channeling Shirley Manson spot-on. Jasper was probably thinking all these songs held hidden messages to him after the big whammy song "dedication" last week about treating poor Alice like an emotional whore. It was slightly enjoyable to see Jasper off balance for once. He was usually so unshakable, yet Alice had him eating out of her hand right now.

Alice was hands-down the break-out star when it came to our little rag-tag line up. Her natural allure offstage translated perfectly onstage. And as she slinked her shoulders back and forth slowly and let her lips pout out the words, she had a sea of grown men under her spell - including Jasper. But would I expect anything less from a Cullen?

After the applause settled down for Alice, I wanted to dedicate the next song to Edward. But it seemed too personal for me to publicize it, especially after our fight. I wanted it to just be understood between him and me. So I didn't say a word. I just gave Laurent the cue.

I caught Edward's eye for a second before winking. He smiled back sadly.

All I needed him to do was stick with me through the first verse. As I got to the chorus, I nodded my head at him, as a silent plea to listen closely:

**If I turn into another, **

**dig me up from under what is covering **

**The better part of me. **

**Sing this song.**

**Remind me that we'll always have each other **

**when everything else is gone. **

I looked for any recognition to the words from him. A smile, a wink - anything. It was still so hard for me to tell him how I felt at times. But I needed him to hear what I had just sang, because it said it better than I ever could. He was the one constant in my life that I could trust in completely. I even trusted him enough to let me know when I was being a complete ass, like tonight. I'd never let anyone close enough to do that. Ever.

Just then, the slightest nod shook his hair forward.

He heard it - he heard me.

000000000

**EPOV**

"Shhh.." Bella scolded. She was trying to get me to shut up so she could stop laughing. "I'm trying to be serious."

It was almost two o'clock in the morning and we were in the backseat of my car...in THE parking lot of course. Our stomachs were full of IHOP Belgium waffles. But the making out part of our new Wednesday night ritual would have to be delayed. Big grown up relationship talks were in order first.

We had avoided them until this moment. She got off the stage. I hugged her, and asked if she was up for waffles. We then spent the next couple of hours stuffing our faces and joking about anything we could - grasping at straws really. We weren't avoiding anything. It was more our way of refueling before a big talk. It worked like that for me at least. The more we laughed together about obscure things, the more I knew no one else would get me like her. It made the obstacles seem less challenging.

So we lunged into our old stand-by...the "Who Would You Rather" game for a good hour after eating. We tried to make it relevant this time around, so we went with the "'08 Presidential Campaign" edition. I was on the Michelle Obama train over Cindy's; and yet, I was torn between Palin and Michelle.

"Michelle has legs for miles. But Palin's always holding rifles in pictures - that scares and excites me at the same time."

Bella refused to pick between commentators Bill O'Reilly or Chris Matthews. "Ew..No. Can you say _Loofah_? I can't even attempt that hypothetically. Give me a Dick Gregory at least! Wait a minute, that Anderson Cooper's a hot piece for a news guy..."

"Shhh...Okay...Big Serious Adult Talk Time.." Bella brought me back to the present, as she settled her back onto my chest, my arms wrapping around her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to share with James more than with you. It only came about because he caught me when I was having a bad moment. And I wasn't embarrassed to mention some things to him because his family makes mine look sane in comparison."

She looked up at me. "It's embarrassing to mention things to you though, Edward." Her face was dead serious all of the sudden.

I shook my head. I knew where she was going with this. "Bella, you have this weird perception that I grew up in the Brady Bunch household, and it's far from the truth."

"But it's as Brady as I've ever seen in real life, Edward. And it's embarrassing not just because of that. I see the disapproving looks you give when I'm talking to her. That's why I always go in another room when you are around. I know you are just being protective; but I can tell you think my mom's in the wrong, the way she relies on me."

I tried to pretend she wasn't right by making a face. But she was.

"I don't want you to think badly of her, Edward. She's my best friend after you, and I don't want you to know things about her that will make you think less of her. That wouldn't be good if you plan on sticking around."

"A mom shouldn't be your best friend though, Bella. She should be your mom."

"Says the kid from the Brady household." Her sly smile let me know she wasn't mad. "I just get embarrassed mainly because I want to protect my mom from you thinking badly of her. But at the same time, I want to protect you from my mom because I don't want you to think I'm going to morph into her someday. Because you'll want to run the other way asap. I HATE feeling like she's a liability when it comes to us; and yet, here I am, not wanting you to judge me by association." She laughed sheepishly.

"Some best friend I am, huh? I'm ready to hide the coke-bottled-glasses bff the minute the Prom King winks my way."

I hugged her tighter. "You're the best friend your mom could have. I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't know I was making you so self conscious. I'm sorry for a lot of things tonight..."

Bella twisted around to face me, her face scolding. "Don't be sorry, Edward." She gave me quick kiss before continuing. " You want in on a little secret?"

She patted my hand, not waiting for me to respond. " I love you. And I know you love me. But tonight, it felt really good to know how you love me, Edward. Even when I lashed out at you, you stayed around. You were mad at me, but you stayed around. You probably will never understand how much that means. But it means everything in the world to me."

She began to kiss me, but I was distracted at the moment. I had given James an "in" without even realizing it. All my sighs, all my put out stares when her mom would bug her at all hours of the night, did not go unnoticed by Bella. It was almost chilling to know that James intuitively picked up my slack in some ways. Maybe it wasn't intuitive though. Maybe I needed to pay more attention where James was concerned...

"Oh, and Edward? If you ever open any of my personal stuff again without asking when you know I'd be more than happy to show you? I'll totally kick you in the shins."

"Gotcha," I chuckled. "But only if you promise me to be more careful with what you divulge to James. Trust me on that. Just be careful."

"I always am, Edward." And with that, she leaned in for a kiss.

00000000000

next chapter: a little James pov


	45. Not her

**Chapter 43: Not Her**

note: Thanks for the reviews!

note: Billy Bush is some entertainment correspondent who used to be on an Entertainment Tonight like show. Image Google him if you don't know who he is...cause it really was not a compliment to be compared to him...lol

000000000

Last Chapter:

_She patted my hand, not waiting for me to respond. " I love you. And I know you love me. But tonight, it felt really good to know how you love me, Edward. Even when I lashed out at you, you stayed around. You were mad at me, but you stayed around. You probably will never understand how much that means. But it means everything in the world to me."_

_She began to kiss me, but I was distracted at the moment. I had given James an "in" without even realizing it. All my sighs, all my put out stares when her mom would bug her at all hours of the night, did not go unnoticed by Bella. It was almost chilling to know that James intuitively picked up my slack in some ways. Maybe it wasn't intuitive though. Maybe I needed to pay more attention where James was concerned..._

_"Oh, and Edward? If you ever open any of my personal stuff again without asking when you know I'd be more than happy to show you? I'll totally kick you in the shins."_

_"Gotcha," I chuckled. "But only if you promise me to be more careful with what you divulge to James. Trust me on that. Just be careful."_

_"I always am, Edward." And with that, she leaned in for a kiss._

000000000

**BPOV**

"Emmet shoots, he scor--oh! Scratch that. Rose blocked him and made him out. Wait, does basketball have outs?"

Alice was trying to play sportscaster to Rose and Emmett's interaction right now. Which of course meant she bastardized and mismatched sports terms to the point of complete incomprehension. She was such a _girl_ sometimes.

Rose and Emmett had a little burgeoning "something" going on at the moment. What that "something" was exactly? No one the hell knew, most of all Rosalie and Emmett. But the "something" took a big step today. Rose decided to show up for Emmett's rugby game unannounced.

It wasn't completely her idea. We mentioned to her that we were going and told her it would be fun if she tagged along. We let her bitch and moan like she always does for thirty seconds about all the reasons she couldn't. But then she ran out of excuses and took the leap.

Which landed her where she was right now. The object of our mocking.

It was like watching a tennis match. A tennis match with two shitty players who couldn't get a decent volley going to save their lives.

We couldn't hear what they were saying, but the body language said it all. Emmett would take one step forward into Rose's personal space. Rose would move backwards reflexively; but then, she'd have a change of heart. And try to meet him back where she started. But then she'd overcorrect, and be all up in Emmett's space. Which would leave a shell shocked look on Emmett's face. Which would then confuse Rose, and then she'd move back slightly again...Ugh.

It was in stark contrast to their various run-ins we'd witnessed in the past. Usually Rose was all bravado and moxie. Emmett could handle anything she threw his way with a wry grin and a clever retort. But after the night Emmett stayed at her house and they had a couple good heart to hearts under a veil of almost complete darkness? It seemed hard to go back to their flip ways post-storm-and-spam night. They were both trying to reach out and yet be cautious at the same time. Problem was, one would be cautious right when the other was trying to reach out.

Alice just shook her head. "Unbelievable. It's like watching the Three Stooges in action right now...well, if the Three Stooges were incrediby hot naked."

Dang, I knew taking her to go see play rugby wasn't a good idea. It always made her all frisky; and before you knew it, she would go on and on about was how her right ovary was shivering with pleasure while her left ovary was picking out baby names. At least Jasper could enjoy the aftereffects with their date tonight. Maybe I could buy him a rugby shirt to wear for dinner, to give him that extra edge.

"Shhh, Alice...Emmett's just finding his rhythm, give him a sec." Both of them had been out of the dating game for so long it was understandable: Rose hadn't dated for over a year, while Emmett had been a dateless missionary for two years straight.

Emmett tenatively stepped forward one more time. That's the spirit, Em Bear.

"Emmett just batted a pop fly into left field..."

Rosalie stayed in place this time, and added a smile.

"Rosalie sets up for a love spike Misty May style..."

Encouraged, Emmett smiled back and gave her a tenative hug. With his eyes closing for the breif second they embraced.

"And he scores! Goal! Houston, we've made contact!" Not content with bastardizing sports terms, Alice was now throwing in space travel jargon into the mix." That was the cutest thing I've ever seen. He always throws us around carelessly like ragdolls when he hugs us."

I nodded. "Emmett touched her like she was fine china. Like she's priceless."

We couldn't help but giggle smugly as Rose approached.

"Oh shut up," Rose blurted out with an embarrassed grin glued onto her face. "Stop looking at me like that. You two are so damn embarrassing jumping up and down and clapping in the background while we were trying to have a normal conversation."

Alice pulled her onto our blanket that was spread out on the grass. "Normal for who, Rose? Two A/V Tech Club members in high school who are asking eachother out to the local Dungeons and Dragons convention? You two are such hot, awkward geeks in love." Rose messed up Alice's hair with that little zinger, but otherwise laughed. Which was nothing short of a miracle - only Alice was able to get away with so much with Rose.

"Now, just lie down Ms. Hale, and let your ovaries tingle with the beauty that is before you."

Let the ovarian exclamations begin.

After several minutes of slack jawed silence on Rose's part watching Emmett in all his masculine glory, she quickly picked up on the sport. Within minutes, she was explaining the rules she had figured out to us. Even though we'd been watching all season and this was her first game. I just shook my head at her.

"What," she inquired.

"I don't think you were born, Rose. I think you were created in some laboratory in a test tube by evil scientists who wanted to invent the ultimate male fantasy and make the rest of us girls feel like crap. You look like a Sports Illustrated Covergirl, know how to fix a carburetor, can throw a football with the best of them, and love all things sports related. What's next - are you going to pull out a mint condition comic book collection of the Hulk?"

She rolled her eyes. "The Hulk is for losers. It's all about the Batman. And my Dark Knight series collection isn't in mint condition. But almost."

Yep, she was test tube laboratory spawn alright.

"Jaaaammmmeesss!" I spun my head around to find Alice waving her hands over her head. James was WAY over on the far side of the field heading away from us when she called him. He started looking around to see where the voice was coming from.

Alice had gotten to know James casually over the semester. She thought he was a hilarious bs-er; but more importantly, she loved to watch James and Edward around eachother. She thought it was like watching two pretty girls getting their jealous bitch on, and would set up the bitchfests as often as possible between them. Today wasn't the day for such games though.

"Shush, Alice. Don't." I grabbed her arm, trying to stop her from waving again. Too late. James spotted us and waved.

I let out a couple curse words as I tried to strategize the next hour. Edward was coming over her to pick me up after he was done doing some errands.

"Alice, get rid of him as fast you can, got it?"

She rolled her eyes and was about to lit into me with another "Stop babying Edward" speech, but I stopped her short. " Alice, just do it. Bad timing, okay?"

000

Twenty minutes later and James was still present, even though Alice tried to be less chirpy than usual. Alice trying her hardest to be less sociable still looks pretty sociable to most eyes though. All four of us were lying on our tummies on top of the blanket, facing the field. James was at the end, Alice and Rose were in the middle, and I was on the other side.

I had said hi to him, but otherwise kept my distance and talked with Rose about the game. Which wasn't lost on James. He kept throwing glances my way, with searching eyes. I just smiled civily and continued to talk to Rose.

"Bella." Edward. I jumped up quickly and grabbed my purse, ready to make as quick an exit as possible. He gave me a kiss, but his feet were planted firmly on the ground. He cleared his throat.

"James." Oh geesh.

James turned around and gave him a head nod. "Cullen." Edward had said his name in way that wasn't a greeting though. It was more of a warning shot through the air.

"I want to talk to you for a minute."

This, whatever this was, was unnecessary. I had already put a plan in place. To still be friendly with James, but to create a little social distance in terms of that friendliness. Less banter. Less confiding. Less everything. I had it under control.

James just looked back at him, a smirk slowly appearing. He was now hearing and seeing what I was.

"In a minute," James said casually, flipped back on his stomach, and finished whatever he was saying to Alice. Alice glanced back at me with an arched brow. And a wicked smile of course. She just thought this was another bitchfest.

Edward let out a fustrated laugh. "Or we don't have to wait. We can do it here."

I grabbed his arm, asking him what he was up to. Edward just shook his head.

"We can do what here?," James snorted back, rolling over again to look at Edward. "Are you challenging me to a pistola duel for talking to your sister?"

Something snapped in Edward. I saw right when it happened, his eye twitched slightly.

"What class do you have on Monday mornings, James? And Wednesdays? And Fridays?"

James sat up, his eyes narrowing. "What?"

"What class do you have on Monday morning that is the same time as Bella's first class? The class that's right next to Bella's classroom?"

"I have Social Philosophy."

"No you don't." I looked over at Edward. He was dead serious.

"I think I know my schedule, Cullen." James was standing up now, wiping off his pants along the way. He was in a confrontational stance now, his jaw raised slightly.

"Apparently you don't." Edward pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to me. I glanced over at James quickly as I unfolded it. His face was like stone, completely expressionless - with the exception of his eyes. His eyes were narrowed and dangerous looking as he glared at Edward. I scanned over the Registrar's printout of James' class schedule.

"Why do you have this, Edward," I said in a low whisper. He didn't answer.

I looked it over three times. No Social Philosophy. No 9:00 AM class for M/W/F like mine. For almost two months now, had been picking me up after this period to walk me to my next class. He said his class was right down the hall the first week. He was always waiting outside my door, backpack in hand.

"I don't understand," I murmured, still looking at the paper.

"Maybe James can explain."

I looked over at James. He was looking right back at me. I wanted see an up-to-no-good smile on his face that would indicate a joke being played. A smirk would even work. But no dice. All I saw were furrowed eyebrows and a creased forehead...and troubled eyes piercing into me.

He glanced back at Edward and his face changed completely. It turned smug. He let out a smirk and just laughed.

"You're a regular Matlock, aren't you? That was a nice touch, the print out. I don't know who looks worse right now. Me for not having a 9:00 AM class. Or you for taking the trouble to find out I don't have one. I think it's a draw." He shook his head, still smirking, and gave us girls a salute. He casually walked away, but not before giving me a look that seemed to say he'd explain later.

"I'll be right back, " Edward mumbled as he walked after James.

I was about to follow him, when Alice grabbed my leg.

"Both of them will be fine, trust me. They'll probably just tell eachother their asses are getting fat and be on their way. You will only make matters worse if you follow them. Nothing makes boys act more aggressively than an audience. A female audience especially."

"What the hell was that all about?" Rose was utterly confused.

Alice started laughing. "Apparently, James has a little crush on Bella and found a little white lie way to get some alone time with her without my brother barging in on them. Oh wait, never mind. He just barged in right now, didn't he?"

"Billy Bush and his ace investigative reporting skills strike again!" Rose had nicknamed Edward Billy Bush earlier because she thought he had that handsome but WASPY look to him that would make him destined to be a weatherman or entertainment reporter.

Alice put a finger up. 'No way, Edward's channeling Nancy Drew with "The Case of the Mistaken School Schedule." Did you see how he flipped the schedule form out of his pants all ceremoniously? I was just waiting for for Scooby Doo to pop out of nowhere and tell him "Rat's Rerrific, Redward!"'

Rose and Alice both fell back onto the blanket, laughing hyterically.

I didn't blame them for making light of the situation, it seemed so comical on the surface. Edward looked like a typically jealous boyfriend who did something neurotic to prove his suspicions. James looked like James, doing player things, and I looked played in a pretty harmless way.

But that wasn't the whole story. James was my friend. Every day that we walked together, I'd ask him about his class. And he lied, straight to my face every time. I defended him to a ridiculous degree with Edward just the other night. To the point where we had a big fight. But what did James do right now, when he got caught in a lie that made me look like an idiot? He smirked and walked off. I had "dumb ass" stamped all over my forehead, and was the last one to notice.

00000

**EPOV**

"James, hold up."

He stopped and pivoted around slowly. Always so dramatic. His face was defiant, cold. This is the James I knew. The James that dwelled underneath the smiles and charm.

"Not her."

James stared at me in disbelief. "What?"

"You heard me. Not her. You have a million other girls to mess with, leave her alone."

He snorted. "Give me one good reason why I have to leave her alone."

"Because she's Bella. Leave her alone because she's Bella. She's not just another girl. Even you know that on some level."

His face flared with anger.

"What do you mean on some level? Don't pull your "good guy" shit with me, Cullen. You're just as big of an asshole as I am, but at least girls know what they are getting with me. You always pull that sweet puppy act and then broadside them when they find out what you really are. Bella sure as hell got broadsided by you that one night. You fucking made her cry in public. In front of half of your fraternity. Who's the asshole now?"

I flinched, it was reflexive. He saw an opening.

"Bella can pick her own friends. You never give her enough credit."

What the...I tried to get back on track.

"You lie trying to find pathetic ways to spend time with my girl, and then you try to make this about me?"

"Oh, this has nothing to do with you, Cullen. I was friends with Bella before she became your girlfriend. I've played by the rules since you two got together- I don't flirt with her anymore or call her wifey. So, this friend thing between me an Bella? Stays between me and Bella. She tells me to leave her alone? Done. But that's for her and I to talk about."

I stood there for a moment, processing the obvious. It was worse than I imagined. I imagined this whole time he was playing his usual game of cat and mouse. That this mouse was just a little more prize worthy because she was connected to me.

Sweet Puppy may have been my schtick at one time. But James? James was known for not giving a flying shit. That was his angle. That was part of his draw for girls, he was a bad boy they wanted to reform. He never bent to another's will though - he got off on making them bend to him.

This James in front of me wasn't_ that guy_ though. He was too invested right now. He was...giving a flying shit. About Bella. He was the one doing the bending. I felt sick all of the sudden.

He walked right past me.

"And I will talk to her. Without you around, pouting like a little bitch and guilting her into doing what you want."

Bella slid out of my mind for a moment, and all I wanted to do was wipe that smirk off his face. It fell out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

'You know what's got bitch written all over it? A guy who buys Hallmark cards for another guy's girlfriend with Teddy Bears and "Thinking of you" on the front cover.'

He stopped in his tracks and turned around. I saw an opening.

"Those cute little stick figure drawings were precious too. The ones of you two frolicking during the day after your imaginary class? Fucking pathetic on some level and delusional, but precious. We had a good laugh over that. Oh, and send my regards to your poor mom--"

The provoking smile drained from his face quickly as the expression turned into a combination of mortification and anger. And for an added bonus, he even clocked me right in the jaw. It hurt like a mother, but I couldn't help but laugh. Partly because I had absorbed the impact without falling down like a girl. And partly because he actually took the bait and hit first. I had my adrenaline pumping now- this is what I needed. I needed a release. Lord knows I wasn't getting any other releases at the moment.

"You even slap like a bitch," I countered with a smirk, knowing full well I was bleeding somewhere near my mouth. I could taste it. He stood there erect with his arms out to the sides, waiting for me to show if I could do any better. All the pent up energy that had been recoiled for the last month? Shot through my fist and made contact with his face. It was a good hit, I could feel that it was going to do damage the way my knuckles were burning.

I looked back at him once I brought my fist back. He was still standing, laughing loudly. He was holding his nose, it was bleeding. James motioned with his other hand for me to stand up and get ready. Evidently we weren't doing a knock out, dragged out fight. We were going to prove right here and now who the bitch was, who would fall first. And I was damned if I would let that be me. His fist crushed into the side of my head right at the corner of my eye, and I felt it this time. The force against my head was fierce. I was standing still though, I was still standing. That's all that mattered.

A hulking figure got between us at that moment. Two hefty arms jutted out and put space in between James and me. Emmett.

"Stay back," he said in a low voice as James tried to push past him. Within a second Seamus was by Emmett's side, moving James backwards. Emmett nodded at Seamus and then checked my eyes for a second.

"You okay, bro?" He looked like he was fighting back an amused grin. I nodded. He put his arm around my shoulder and started walking me back towards Bella.

"He's messing with my girl, Emmett. I don't want him messing with my girl." I felt a little dizzy but Emmett kept me walking straight.

Emmett let out a loud laugh. "With the punch I just saw you land, I think he got the message." He patted my shoulder with his hand lightly, and didn't say another word.

0000

"Billy Bush my ass. Do you think Billy Bush has ever gotten one these shiners on his eye, and lived to tell about it?" I was trying to make Bella laugh at this point. Two hours later and she was still disturbed by the display of testosterone earlier. Especially that it had to do with her in some way. I hid her from the fact it had everything to do with her.

We tried to go through our day like we planned. She liked to do her homework while I played piano in one of the practice rooms. It wasn't doing the trick today though.

She chuckled. "You need to get over Rose's nickname for you. It was a compliment towards your good looks." She was sitting on the keys as I sat on the music bench, her legs hanging on both sides of me. Everytime she moved just slightly, a sharp set of notes clunked together and made me smile.

Bella bent down to kiss my black eye. For what seemed like the thousandth time. I finally got why guys fought over girls with fists. You get paid back in spades AND look like a bad ass at the same time.

"Compliment..pfff...it's her way of saying I'm too boring for you. She wants you with Laurent, don't deny it." Bella didn't try to; she just bent down and kissed the corner of my semi-swollen lip instead.

Of course she wouldn't deny it though. I was sitting right at the table one night when Rose said point blank to us, "You and Edward are such an odd couple. I see you with someone more like Laurent. Or even Seamus."

The Harpy.

Bella suddenly sat upright. She looked out towards the direction of the door that had a small viewing window on it.

"Geesh, that desk worker is always peering in on us. He so thinks we are having sex every time we rent this room out."

Before I could laugh, she changed the subject.

"How did you know? About him lying about his class."

"You just mentioned he happened to be waiting outside the building when you came out early from class when you were crying. I came early to pick you up once, and he was outside the building too. So I put two and two together. That's all."

She nodded while still carressing my face. "Thanks."

"Thanks for what?"

"Not lording it over me. That you were right about James. That I'm naive and every other adjective that applies right now."

"Yeah, don't be too quick with those compliments," I answered back. "I was a total ass right now. And he was being so weird about you, Bella." She wanted to know about the exchange before we fought...she asked with a grimace. I told her blow by blow what was said. When I got to the Hallmark part though, I braced myself for her reaction.

She gasped. "Edward, I need to talk to him. Right now." She was about to jump off the piano, but I held her steady. I asked her why.

"Listen, I don't need to be his friend. If it's going to be a bunch of drama like this, I'm okay just not hanging out with him anymore. But he's confided some serious things to me, Edward. About his family. And you made it sound like I was joking about it with you. I don't want him to think I broke his trust like that. That's horrible."

"Can you you tell me what he thought you broke trust with?"

She bit her lip for a second. "Maybe in general terms. But Edward, I had James' number pegged somewhat early on. He's got a "Needs a one way ticket to the closest Al-Anon meeting" stamped on his forehead. I confronted him about it one day, and he told me more than I ever expected he would."

Al- Anon...as in the support group for family members of Alcoholics? I asked her how she had pegged him. She pointed to her head.

"I had the same stamp on my forehead at fifteen, and I was lucky enough to have a guidance counselor who directed me to their teen support group in high school. I've heard a lot of stories during that time. And James just showed a lot of signs."

I thought for a moment. "How do you know he's not lying to you about that too?"

"He's a good liar, but I don't think he's that good. He just...knew...a lot about what it's like to a child of an alcoholic. All the overcompensating, walking on eggshells, isolating yourself from others so no one finds out the dirty secret, not trusting anyone as far as you can throw them."

And here I thought they were talking about bands and kickboxing during that 10 minute walk to class.

She then mentioned something else. That his situation was worse than hers though. That his mom was bad off enough that when his stepfather divorced her, he took James with him. That their relationship was very dysfunctional, without going into details.

Shit. I confessed to Bella I had brought up his mom in a mocking manner.

"Edward, I really need to talk to him." I told her not to worry, I'd go find him instead. I made the mess, I'd clean it up. She finally gave in, although she was still upset.

"Go find him now, please. Breaking trust is like one of those big no nos for our types."

Our types. I felt a lump in my throat. I hated hearing her grouped with him in any capacity.

"Bella, I totally get why you guys became friends now. It makes sense. But just because you guys have some common backgrounds, doesn't make you the same. There's something...off about him Bella. Something that friendship alone isn't going to patch up, okay?"

She pulled her head back to look at me better. " I know. I know."

I wasn't so sure she did.

0000000000

**JamesPOV**

_Not her._

I kept repeating that mantra in my head the whole time I was walking over to Bella's dorm, with Edward's voice saying it for good measure. Everyone should have their own battle cry when going into combat.

I knocked softly on the door, the way I imagined Edward probably did with that damn limp wrist of his.

She opened it up quickly without even looking first. Silly Bella. Never careful enough.

The scent that came forth stunned me - just like it always did. Bella cornered the market on smelling sweet and fragrant at the same time. I was never sure if I wanted to take a bite of her or pick her and put her in a vase with some water.

Her eyes widened for a moment. Surprise. And then they grew warm, hopeful.

Always hopeful, even for the hopeless.

She grabbed my hand. Something she never did before. It was a good, firm grasp. One I imagined she hoped conveyed friendship instead of romance. She tried so hard that way. To keep the lines from getting blurred.

Always trying so hard to keep everyone happy. Even those who don't deserve it. Edward included.

"God, James, I'm really glad to see you. Have you talked to Edward yet?"

I just shook my head. A big part of me wanted to turn around right now, and walk out the door. The part that was looking into Bella's trustful eyes at the moment.

Just when I could feel my feet ready to act on my desire to leave, Edward's voice popped back into my head.

_Not her..._

My feet stilled.

"I didn't see Edward. Look, Bella, I thought we should talk about the class thing."

I surveyed the room. It was pretty spare. Perfect. The only place to really sit down was her bed. I could tell which one was hers right away. The one with the no frills Beige comforter and a single pillow. The other bed, with all the extra decorative pillows and shit on top of it? Had Alice written all over it. I sat down.

She sat down next to me without provocation.

Holding my hand, sitting next to me on her bed? She was feeling guilty. As she should.

I'd never seen her this open to me before. It was like the making of a perfect storm, there for my taking. If I wanted to.

"Listen, you don't have to explain if you don't want to right now. There's other things that matter more honestly..."

Like telling Edward about things she swore she never would? I couldn't blame her completely. I saw how Edward worked on her, to get his way. And she was always trying to keep everyone happy. Edward most of all. She probably didn't know he'd use it against me the first moment he could.

But it was too late now. I focused hard to hear his voice again, it fired me up.

_Not her._

"No, Bella I wanted to come here and apologize about lying to you. It's just something that snowballed. I had dropped the class by the second week. But by then, our talks had become important to me. I'd never..."

I paused for dramatic effect. I really was an asshole.

"felt like someone got me like that. I didn't want to stop having our talks. And I knew the only way they could continue is with that little chunk of time between periods."

She let out a small breath, her shoulders dropped. "That's not true, James. I would have figured out a way to be there for you when it comes to what we talked about. That stuff is important, not all the high school drama that's been happening."

I tried not to laugh. Bella was like, what? Three months out of high school? Always trying to act older than she was.

"You know that's not true though, right Bella? Edward wouldn't let you."

She hated those types of implications. Her eyes flared for a moment. Bella's downfall if she had one? Her need to look like she had her shit together all the time. Which she didn't. No one did.

"Edward isn't like that. He just worries about me." It was like she was trying to convince herself more than me. "I would have been there for you when it comes to that stuff. And Edward would have understood."

Opening. Big, wide opening she gave me.

"But nothing more, right? That's the problem Bella. You became my friend, and that's why I trusted you. Why I trusted you with my story. You can't extract the friendship from the being there for me ..."I quoted her directly...'"_when it comes to that stuff_."'

Her eyes pleaded with me silently to understand, even as they welled up with tears. She was between a rock and a hard place.

I hated myself in that moment. But not as much as I hated Edward.

_Not her..._

"I don't know what to say, James. I'm an idiot. I've gotten myself into a mess, and I'm not sure what to do now. All I can do is be honest with you. I'm glad I became your friend. I'm glad you could confide in me. I felt honored you did. I really thought I could be Team Switzerland, and somehow hang out with you and be Edward's girlfriend. I was imagining a perfect 90210 ending, where you and Edward would make up Dylan and Brandon style over milkshakes at the Peach Pitt. And shit."

She threw me out of my groove momentarily as I started laughing. "Bella, 90210 never had perfect endings. Tori Spelling got crabs once she finally had sex and Dylan's wife blew up in a car bomb. No wonder your plans are all fucked up. You've been patterning them after 90210!"

She was laughing now with me. I was going to miss this.

But it was too late.

I inched closer and spoke softly. Softly enough for her to have to lean in.

"That's very noble of you, Bella. But if you haven't noticed, no one gives a shit what Switzerland thinks. They're irrelevant because they don't choose sides. I know what side you have to pick. And that's why I came over. I just wanted to say good bye. I'm going to miss you, more than you know."

Her tears were falling from her eyes now and I wanted to laugh. Because I was feeling guilty for everything I was saying; even though, most of what I was saying was true. I was just using the truth as a weapon right now.

Bella had chosen. That was no big surprise. But it's how she had chosen. I didn't know the particulars, but I knew this much. She had to prove her loyalty to Edward. Edward must have demanded it in some way. And so Bella gave it up. She gave up everything she had on me to Edward. She showed him the card, told him every damn thing I ever shared with her. All to prove she had chosen him. And he went straight after me the minute he got the goods.

It was mostly Edward's fault. But Bella wasn't innocent either. And yet she was so sad right now.

But it was too late.

I cautiously put my arms around Bella. Being so close to her was fucking with my mind. I was enveloping her, and my senses were getting too much of her. Too much warmth, too much scent, too much softness. And it only pissed me off more, got me more fired up. Because it made me think of Edward getting to do this all the time.

_Not her._

_Yes, her, Edward. Watch._

"It doesn't have to be good bye, James. I just have to figure out how things can work, okay?" Her tears were getting to me. I didn't like seeing her cry. That was probably the first time she got to me. Seeing tears falling down her face after she rushed off the stage and out of the club. I didn't like knowing I was orchestrating her crying either.

I needed to cut this short before I lost my nerve.

I stared her square in the eye, as I held her still. She was still letting me hold her. This was a record.

"There's nothing to figure out. I'll bow out gracefully. But just know you are an amazing girl."

I leaned in closer slightly. She let me. Bella's tears were still streaming down her face, but she kept a very graceful expression on her face. Damnit, she even cried pretty.

I leaned even closer, staring at her lips. She let me, but her eyebrows furrowed now.

I was a realist. It wasn't like I was going to get laid by her tonight.I didn't need that much though(although I would have been more than happy to take it). Edward had manipulated Bella into betraying my trust. It was my turn to give as good as I got, back at both of them. One kiss. One kiss was all that was needed to send it back Edward's way.

"Bella..." I whispered her name as I leaned in closer still, just inches away from her lips. She had amazing lips...they could give Angelina a run for her money.

"James, please..." She shook her head at me slightly, but didn't push me away. Guilt can really work wonders on a girl like Bella. On any other day she would have slapped me and told me to stop being an asshole.

"Shh..." I breathed out, more than ready to finally get a chance at those lips. But then I heard it.

_Not her._

Not in Edward's voice.

In mine.

I pushed back quickly, jarred. Bella looked relieved and stunned at the same time with my sudden retreat. I had to get out of there. I couldn't handle all her puppy dog eyes and tears and bff hand holding. I didn't want to be pitied by her. Which was exactly what she was doing. What she had always done, and always would be doing with me. I needed a clean break.

"There," I said defiantly.

My voice made her flinch reflexively.

"What," she asked, confused.

I had to think fast. I put my asshole thinking cap on and let the words flow.

"There. Now you can go back and tell Edward how you almost kissed me. Tell him all about it. Don't leave out the detail of us embracing on your bed. It's always the little details that make the whole story."

Her mouth dropped open. Great, a new round of tears were welling up. I needed to get out of here.

"Better yet, don't tell him. I like it better if we both kept a secret from him."

Bella put her hand to her mouth, shaking her head.

"James, don't tell me all this has been about Edward. Everything..."

"Fine, I won't," I said with a smirk. "Just let him know wer're even now. Or don't say a word. Either way, I come out on top." I gave her a wink as I started for the door. Nice touch.

She was strangely silent as I reached for the door. Did I lay it on too thick? I wanted her to say something to me. Anything, that would make it a proper good bye. Like never come back asshole.

"James," her voice was more even now. I turned around.

"You are so full of shit, I don't even know how you function daily."

Barely.

"But I still want to let you know this. I would have never kissed you, I was hoping you'd stop yourself. Which you did."

Not bad.

"And I never told Edward anything about you or your family. He found the card, but I never divulged what you told me in confidence. Because I was your friend."

Was. That was about right, but still...

"And we were friends. You can try and save face by acting like it was some grand scheme to get back at Edward with that weird homoerotic competition you two have going on. But I know better. I know you better."

She pushed me out of the door and slammed it.

I couldn't help but smile. She totally saw through me and called me out on my shit. It took her a moment to catch on, but she did. After everything I did to her right now, and she was still trying to be my friend by letting me know she thought I was full of crap.

Always hopeful, even for the hopeless.

It was like she had no natural survival instincts within her.

Which was the only reason why I didn't knock on the door and apologize.

Because she didn't have the instincts in her to know better. To run the other way, like she should.

So, I did the only thing left to do as a friend to her.

I walked away.

And headed a floor down. To Jackie's door.

She would welcome me in - she'd never slam a door on me. She'd keep the conversation easy and light -she'd never confront or challenge me on all my bullshitting. In fact, she'd keep the conversation to a bare minimum, because that's not what either of us do best together. She'd welcome me into her bed - she'd never refuse a kiss or embrace from me...or more.

But it was all in vain. Because tonight? Each touch, and whisper, and kiss, and taste was only going to remind me it was...

Not her.

0000000000


	46. Bella Learns How To Thread Corn

**Bella Learns How To "Thread Corn"**

**A/N: PLEASE READ FIRST: THIS WHOLE CHAPTER RELIES ON YOU SEEING THIS RACHAEL RAY VIDEO THAT IS DESCRIBED IN THE BEGINNING. I have it on my profile for the direct link. OR, go straight to youtube and search with the following words: "rachael ray corn porn"**

**a/n: There's links also for the following:**

**1) The Swingers scene that's referenced**

**2) Alice's song**

**3) Bella's song**

**a/n: Bittenev, this one's for you. lol She knows why. If you don't, then you have to read her "Of Stitches and Scars." And a big thanks to my beta Mami, who edits at a moment's notice. You're a peach!**

**a/n: Thanks for all the reviews on the James chapter--it was the most amount of reviews I ever got-for James of all people.lol Some of you had questions about that chapter though, so I have some a/ns at the end of this chapter that help answer some of those questions.**

00000000000

**BPOV(at the end of the chapter, random thoughts popping up in Bella's head are italicized)**

"So here's the thing Alice..."

Alice and I were both lying down on our beds, in the middle of a roomie bonding late night chat session. The Domino's Pizza carboard box had long been empty, and the pepperoni that was stalled in our digestive systems was only making our late night chat session that much later.

"I need to do something grand. Edward's done so many grand gestures, and I've yet to do something even slightly impressive..."

Alice plopped onto her stomach to face me. Her eyes looked so eager and excited.

"Oh, honey, you have it in you to give the grandest gesture of them all..."

I had it in me? I hoped whatever I had in me was cost efficient, because I was strapped for cash.

It had been two weeks since the James "incident," as Alice and I had come to call it. After a good talk with her, we both decided to not tell Edward what happened. James had avoided me like the plague since then(the one time I did see him, he kept his head down and never made eye contact), so it seemed unnecessary to pick at a healing wound. I didn't want Edward to think he had to defend my honor in some uselessly chivalrous way again.

And the James thing wasn't about James - not really. It was about me and not seeing the forest from the trees. Edward and all the things he had done for me was the forest. All the stupid things I was butting heads with him about, to prove no one was the boss of me? Silly, insignificant trees.

It was time for me to stop the charade that I was an island unto myself-- and figure out this relationship thingy better so that I was giving as much as I was getting. It was time to meet him halfway now. And first up on the agenda?

"Stop being so emotionally constipated with him, Bella." At least that's how Alice put it.

"I get why you are careful and cautious, it's helped you get to where you are today. But it's time to set down the tough girl armor, honey. Let him in all the way."

So, here I was, at 2:00 in the morning, getting ready to jump into "_Sorry-honey-for-being-an-ass-sometimes-but-I-really-love-you_" grand gesture land. Did they make Hallmark cards that expressed such sentiments?

Alice eyed me suspiciously.

"Bella, you need to think...outside Bella's box on this one." She nodded her head knowingly in my direction. " Outside. The. Box."

I stared at her in confusion. She rolled her eyes.

"Wait...actually that's your problem, you ALWAYS think. OUTSIDE. THE. BOXXX."

I looked over with a scrunched nose. "What's that suppossed to mean?"

"It means this, Bella. No one's getting any action right now. Because of you. And you could change all of that with a simple flick of the wrist. Or two or three maybe, tops..."

Alice's words fell out in a flurry as she explained her meaning. The weekend after the James debacle, Alice and Jasper went on a date. She came home, happily dazed and confused by their goodnight kiss. The next date? She came home dazed...by their goodnight kiss. At the door. The date after that? She just came home confused. By their goodnight kiss. At the door. With minimal tongue.

Two weeks into their dating, and she was outright indignant with the lack of physical response from the guy.

But she confessed she had broken Jasper last night, with interrogation tactics that would have made Jack Bauer proud.

"Edward played the guilt card on Jasper. He gave Jasper his blessing with me, but on one condition."

The condition being for Jasper to take it slow with Alice - as Edward had been taking it slow with me. Much to Alice's chagrin. She had already waited a decade for Jasper to be hers. Her situation was very different from mine.

"Bella, don't you see? You could take one for the team AND make a grand gesture for Edward AT the same time. Two birds, one stone!" She raised her hand up like she was going to give me a victorious high-five. Which is, by the way, the most unnatural gesture for Alice to use. Too...pedestrian for a Cullen.

And hearing her say "take one for the team" only made me cross my legs reflexively.

Alice made it clear she wasn't trying to offer up my virginity for the grand gesture. But that my grand gesture could provide "relief" where relief was needed...

"Bella, how cranky and irritable have the boys been lately? Like how boys act when they haven't eaten in a long time. Or haven't slept in a long time...Or..."

Or...She made her knowing eye even more knowing my way. Or...Ohhhh...

"Oh." My delayed recognition had her busting up at my expense.

I never said I was a treasurechest of sexual intuition though. Hell, how did I even have a chance? I spent the whole of my high school years living with Charlie, where I had to use the phrase "feminine products" instead of "tampons" because Charlie thought the latter word was too "crude." The subject of sex never made it to the table, because Charlie was still stuck on how to deal with my "menstruation."

His word, not mine.

Renee wasn't much more help. God bless her, but the subject of sex was usually sandwiched in between STDs and pregnancy scare tactics. One conversation with her and all you wanted to do was snap on a chastity belt and call it a day.

And then there were the very small group of friends that influenced what little social life I had in high school. Like Han San, a recent Korean immigrant who spoke broken English and started studying for the SATs in eighth grade. Another deadend for possible carnal knowledge tutorials. But boy, could Han San sniff out the right answer from a multiple choice question by the process of elimination...

Alice shook me out of my cringe inducing thoughts. "Bella do you remember how those Christian LaBoutin boots opened up the floodgates that night? How we found strength in Christian and one another to open the floodgates we probably would have left closed on our own?"

Of course. That was the night Edward and I basically stripped away one another's self doubts for getting together...as well as the night Jasper performed his last rites as a brother to Alice.

"Bella, it's time for us to open up the floodgates again. If the boys can form virgin whore complexed secret alliances to maintain our virtue, nothing's wrong with us forming a secret alliance to compromise it."

Secret alliances? How did this turn into an episode of "Survivor?"

She noticed my lack of enthusiasm. "I mean, you are interested in taking things further, right?"

I nodded nervously. I was, but she didn't understand. How could she?

She was a Cullen too.

It was almost like inter-species mingling for me to even attempt to be with Edward physically. He was beautiful and had many before me who had a clue what they were doing. More than a clue. And as much as I tried to pretend I was now "College Bella," I still felt like Bella from Forks High deep down. The girl who tripped and mumbled in class and had frizzy poodle hair on really humid days. Which in Forks, was everyday.

If Edward had gone to school with me, making a move on him would have been the equivalent of a frizzy poodle dry humping the Prom King's leg.

"But why does it have to be planned? Shouldn't things just happen naturally?"

Alice scrunched her eyes slightly as she shrugged. "Sure. But your natural timetable is sorta putting a buzzkill on mine. Can't we just meet somewhere in the middle, since I wanted to move things along two weeks ago and you want to wait for...I don't know, the Second Coming? If we compromise, that means we can get things going by tomorrow..."

Without another word, she retrieved her laptop and scooted onto my bed. She began typing on her Google Home Page.

"How To Give A Hand Jo-"

"Oh, geesus, Alice. You don't go to the internet for things like that..."

She shot me a pointed stare. "You have any better suggestions? You gonna ask Rose for some pointers?"

I winced at the very thought. She'd mock us and then probably make a joke that it was unnecessary since our boys were as metrosexually smooth as a Malibu Ken doll.

"You wanted your gesture grand, right? Well, it won't be grand if your gesturing isn't well honed. And this is a common inquiry. You can google it."

Twenty minutes later, and we had sifted through an inordinate amount of crappy articles from FHM, Cosmopolitan, and Men's Health on the subject. We also learned all the colorful ways that boys describe the act, either by themselves or with a contributor: Buffing his banana, walking his dog, roping his pony, jerkin his gherkin, cleaning out his rifle, flogging his dolphin.

"Flogging his dolphin only works if you are dating Michael Phelps. He's the only one with a magically aquatic peen."

Alice nodded in agreement.

"Blah, blah, blah, these articles all sound the same. I need some visuals. Let's see what instruction we can find on youtube."

I told her she wouldn't find anything on youtube for that type of subject. When it happened. The first page of results were all of the same video.

"Rachael Ray gave a tutorial on hand jobs on her morning show," Alice squealed in my direction. "I like her! She makes a great Thai Pizza."

"Hmmm...my mom makes a mean Pot Roast. But that doesn't mean she's the go-to woman for hand jobbery instructions either..."

But then we watched it. With our eyes bugging out of our head.

There before us, was Ray Ray and special guest Linda from San Jose, explaining how to thread corn.

Innocent enough topic.

Until they started to handle the cobbs like Jenna Jameson.

"Holy Moses, who knew corn threading could be so obscene," I murmured as I watched special guest Linda from San Jose grip the base of the hard, erect cobb and slowly slide her hands up and down.

"This is ten times more edumacational than any of those Cosmo articles." Alice replayed it at least another ten times, freeze framing at key threading transitions.

After making sure I saw all the male viewing comments that gave Ray Ray's "technique" a thumbs up, she slammed shut the lap top.

"Okay, we're ready. It's Corn Threading time, Bella."

Great. Just my luck. My first attempt at taking a sexual initiative with Edward, and I had to put my faith in the hands of two broads preparing produce.

0000000000

The next week flew by in a wink as Alice attempted to turn a very private grand gesture into a social activity. Coordinating matching outfits and boots together? Totally okay. Coordinating backseat makeout sessions post-show this following Wednesday? So not okay. Not to mention slightly creepy.

But it was so hard to burst Alice's bubble.

"Bella dear, I really think you should pick more provocative songs for Wednesday. These seem a little too vague about your intentions."

I reminded her I was going for "subtle." She said it was my way of leaving an "out" just in case I wimped out at the last second.

"You have to commit, Bella. I've committed by singing Poison's _Unskinny Bop_. Once you quote Brett Michaels, there's no going back."

She actually said that with a straight face.

Alice didn't just ride me about songs. She continued to fawn over me daily over every possible detail for the setting up of the "corning," as she called it. At some point I wasn't sure if I was planning my first self initiated base hit or my bat mitzvah.

"I'm telling you. You have to wear a bit of lace too. Black of course."

And she couldn't get the damn corn talk out of her head.

"Because black lace has implications. It really plants a _kernal_ of anticipation in boys' minds. Get it? KERNAL?"

We were in between songs at rehearsal with the Laurent and Mike.

"And you need to play with your microphone more. That's another kernal to _plant_ in their minds. Get it? PLANT?"

I grimaced. "Ew, Alice. I hate when girls molest their microphones. It's so corny."

Oh shit. I walked right into that one.

Alice cackled with my unintended corn usage as Laurent started into Alice's number.

Alice leaned over my way and whispered: "It doesn't have to be corny or crass, Bella. If done with a certain amount of discretion, it simply looks suggestive. Watch." She gave me a nod as she began to sing.

Her hands slowly manuevered over the microphone, barely making contact. As she finished up the verse, her hands began to slowly trace over the mike, up and down in a hypnotic motion. She kept the contact with the mike featherlight the whole time, her lips dragging every once in awhile against the head.

I chanced a look over in Laurent's direction. His eyes were concentrated on Alice, his mouth slightly opened. I looked behind at Mike. Same concentration, same facial expression.

When I finally glanced back at her as the song finished up, she threw me an exaggerated wink, clicked her tongue, and gave me a thumbs up.

Alice was a bloody genius.

"Tag, you're it," she whispered as it was my turn to sing.

"No! Alice..." I looked at her with pleading eyes..." I can't do that without looking like an idiot."

"Bella if you don't get your corn thread on right now, so help me." She brandished a fist to let me know she meant business. She saw my panic and her fierce face softened. Ever so slightly.

"Honey, this isn't an exam. You aren't getting graded on this, okay? Just lighten up and have fun with me. That's all I want for you, to just have fun." A sad smile spread across her face and something hit me in that moment. Yes, Alice was a naturally bold girl. But sometimes she acted bolder than usual...for me. To help draw me out of my insecurities. I think I sorta loved her as much as Edward.

"What are you two little vixens up to," Laurent asked with an raised eyebrow. "All the stripper greatest hits choices, and now violating the microphones..."

"We're just planning on seducing our frigid boyfriends on Wednesday after the show," Alice blurted out with a huge smile.

Alice and subtle never mixed well.

I poked her in the side hard and threw her an evil stare.

"What? He's a psych grad student, like he wouldn't have figured it out."

"I'm an engineering student and I figured it out," piped in Mike from the back. Smug little bastard, now that him and Angela were officially together and all over eachother like hot peas on butter.

This was one band discussion we weren't going to have.

"He's a psych student, not Miss Cleo, Alice. And enough about my iceberg of a love life! Back to work."

--

The practice ended soon after and Alice flew out the door to meet Jasper. Mike left soon after.

"So..." Laurent said in almost a fatherly tone. I couldn't help but grimace.

"Yes, Dad?"

He laughed as he sat down and motioned me to join him.

"You okay?"

Wow, so not the person I wanted to have this conversation with. The prettiest guitar player ever with nipple rings on top. Another species I couldn't relate with, psych student or not. I told him I was "peachy." He pursed his lips, trying not to smile.

"Fine. I just thought I'd tell you that you don't need to wear black lace."

Come again?

"You don't have to wear black lace, regardless of what Alice says. Or sing Brett Michaels. Or dry rub the microphone like an ear of corn."

Ew. He heard all the corn references.

"Yeah, I had that Rachael Ray Corn Porn video forwarded to me too this week."

Crap.

"This is none of my business, but I end up people watching half of the time when we're onstage." Which was no surprise; he was an accomplished musician and the stuff we did was two steps away from karaoke night.

He stood up and walked over to his things. "And your boyfriend never takes his eyes off of you. You don't need a bunch of bells and whistles to get his attention. And knowing you, you wouldn't realize that." He smiled at me.

"What does that mean?"

"It means you are willfully oblivious, Bella. Which, of course, is part of your charm."

That sounded like the type of lame ass brand of "charm" I'd possess.

"Just be Bella. Your boyfriend's already sold on that, and it works well on you."

His mention of people watching grabbed my attention. "What else have you noticed? Just for curiousity's sake." I added that last sentence on so I didn't sound so desperate for any additional intel that could help me with my lost cause. Which I was.

He mentioned how different Alice and I were. "You both are very pretty and sexy girls. But sweet at the same time. When Alice wears something very skimpy, or even when she's dry rubbing the microphone, there's something sweet about her still. Innocent."

And then there was me.

"But you are very different from her. You don't seem very comfortable with girly sexiness, like Alice is."

Great. Add "manly" to the list of reasons to wimp out with Edward tomorrow night...

"No, I don't mean that either Bella. I mean, you seem much more comfortable with a swagger than shimmy shimmy approach. Swaggers are just as sexy - sexier even to some of us."

I rolled my eyes while he pointed at me and repeated that willful obliviousness charge.

"Joan Jett is like that. She doesn't act really girly onstage, or dress girly. She swaggers instead. Same with you. You seemed uncomfortable the week Alice made you wear high heels with her onstage. But when you are in your engineer boots, singing Joan Jett? You are in your element. That's what's sexy on you."

I sighed, feeling a great weight lifted off me. It was true; even though Alice was trying to help me, I instinctively knew her ways weren't my ways. It was that species thing again.

Maybe I could find some sorta niche as a semi-sexy reformed frizzy poodle who rocked masculinity.

God, that sounded so sad spoken inside my mind, let alone outloud.

But I just had to remember Edward seemed to like "that," for whatever kinky reason.

"Speaking of Joan Jett, Laurent, do you think I can make a song change for this next show?"

000000000000000000

"Oh, Bella, he's already seen you in this." Alice shook her head regrettably as she twirled me around. "And your skin looks more glowing in that blue number I picked out for you back home."

Mike was beside her. "Naw, she looks cute in that. It's what you wore that first time you sang with Laurent's band, right?"

I nodded proudly. I decided to try to do the grand gesture in style. I was wearing the yellow dress I wore the night everything went to hell for us. It was the song I serenaded "I Fucking Hate You" to him in, while he was playing drunk grab ass in the crowd.

But before that all went down, the dress had been made with love. Alice had created it for me, and I had Sharpie markered terms of endearments for the boy who had eaten spaghetti with me sans untensils in a meadow just hours earlier. Now that we had gotten over the bad part of that night, the dress was a testament to how much he meant to me just a day into knowing him.

Alice was fiddling with my hair, placing it ever-so-slightly in front of my left eye.

"And darling, it won't matter if you stop playing for a couple of seconds if you decide to grab the mike for a quick suggestive threading...Remember there's a difference between carressing the corn and molesting it. I have total faith that you'll know the difference--"

"God, Alice. Seriously. Stop already. I have it under control, okay?"

Damnit. I walked right into that one as well.

Because the only thing Alice loved more than sprinkling her sentences with corn imagery was to quote Vince Vaughn from the movie "Swingers" whenever possible. And I just set her up beautifully right now with an unintentional direct quote from the movie.

She put her hand over her mouth and shook her head like a proud mother.

"Our little baby's all growns up." She put her hand on Mike's shoulder tenderly and then began backing out onto the stage. She stood on top of a chair that was randomly place by Mike's drums, with the audience looking on her behind her.

"You know what, Mikey? Our little boy's all growns up tonight!" She pointed straight at me with a jubilant smile.

"And you know what big boy? You're grown up!" She began to do a non-running running man on the chair in celebration. "Is this a fucking production for you? Cause Bella? You're growns up and you're growns up and you're growns up!"

I calmly walked over and helped her down from the chair.

"You feel better, now, Alice?" She hopped off the chair and sauntered over to her bass guitar.

"Yes, dear. And I do mean that I'm proud of you. Seeing you regulate me about the issue at hand tonight? Fierce..." She paused while her head leaned to the side.

"Get it?_ Issue at hand_?"

Lord. My main motivation with going through with the deed at this point was to stop Alice from her new OCD issues with double entendres.

Edward and Jasper watched us with raised eyebrows from the middle of the crowd. Poor Jasper. He looked so vulnerable out there at the moment, with no clue what was about to befall him in 4, 3, 2, 1...

**I'm so addicted to...**

**All the things you do...**

**When you're going down on me...**

**In between the sheets...**

Jasper was drinking when Alice started singing. I swear he choked on an ice cube with those last couple lines...

00000000000

I was about to sing the last song of the night and Alice could see I was zoning out all nervous like. Of course she was triumphant after her set of sexy songs, turning Jasper into sexual puddy in her hands. But I still had my "valentine" to sing to Edward.

We went backstage for a quick drink of water while Laurent prattled on about something onstage.

"Bella, what do you call a girl with an uncircumsized boyfriend?"

"What?"

"A corn husker."

I moaned in disapproval and she tapped my nose. "Just trying to lighten you up. And I think your song choice is perfect."

"Too bad my tattoo's covered up though," I said as I motioned down to my hip.

Alice snorted, took out a mini-threading kit from her purse, retrieved a minipair of scissors, and proceeded to cut a hole out of my dress where my tat was.

"Problem solved," Alice squeaked. "Now go out there and get him, Tiger." We scurried back onstage and I started off the song.

**"Ahhhh...I don't hardly know him...**

**But I think I could love him...**

**Crimson and Clover..."**

I gave Edward a quick wink. His crooked smile creeped out; and if I didn't know better, I swore he was blushing. He punched his hands into his pockets, making his shoulders hunch slightly, and it was too much. I was ready to call it a night and get the hell out of here with my boy.

**"Yeah, If I'm not such a sweet thing**

**I wanna do everything"**

His smile drained suddenly, encouraging me. I fingered my tattoo through the hole of my dress...

**"What a beautiful feelin'**

**Crimson and Clover**

**Over and over"**

Everything else went by in a blurry rush. The song finished somehow, although I wasn't sure how. The crowd was moving out towards the other parts of the bar. Alice was talking to Laurent behind me. This I was vaguely aware of. But all I could focus sharply on was Edward, pushing through the crowd and jumping onto the stage. He stopped right in front of me, just barely grazing my body with his.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey, yourself."

Without another word, he picked me up and my legs wrapped around his waist. He began to kiss me as he took me offstage.

"Nice, you two. Leave us to pack everything up," I heard Jasper yell out. A slap was closely followed. The last thing I heard was Alice sighing and pointing out how my ass read "Lil' Miss Sunshine."

000000

The car ride to IHOP was completely silent. Edward was just rubbing my thigh gently, back and forth, stealing occasional glances my way.

"So...you ready for some Belgium Waffles?"

I shook my head.

That's all it took.

The car suddenly swerved to the side of the lonely road we were on. Edward got out from his passenger side, helped me, and opened up the backseat door.

He slid in first, then pulled me on top of his lap before shutting the door. We locked onto eachother's lips with such force, our teeth knocked. We both smiled, but it didn't stop us from diving right back in again.

These weren't the soft kisses he'd been gracing me with for the last couple weeks. They were staccato-like; hard but short, with no patience for lingering or exploring. No, these were more about marking and claiming. Soon our movements were in sync; our heads diving in for a kiss, with our chests bumping as our heads retreated.

"Bella, I love you," he whispered between kisses.

I tried not to laugh. Alice bet me ten bucks that the minute I tried to unbutton his pants, he'd tell me he loved me. I told her he'd say it before then.

He threw his head backwards with silent gulp as I settled deeper into his lap, leaving his Adam's apple bobbing out in front of me. My tongue swirled around it's top before I took it into my mouth whole. He bucked up and let out a little squeak.

"That tickles," he laughed with embarrassment. I began to retreat, when he froze me in place.

"No," he said almost forcefully," stay where you are."

I had him squeaking and bucking. It was never going to ever get any better than this. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to remember Ray Ray's technique one last time...

_Husk, grab the base, and then...thread..._

I moved my mouth to the side of his neck and sucked on him while my hands moved down his sides. His head was back on the headrest and his eyes were closed, unaware of my hands' destination.

But his head popped up like a jack-in-the-box when I unsnapped his jeans button. I took a quick peek upwards - his jaw was dropped.

Damn, first Alice, now Edward. Why does everyone act like I'm such an ice crotch? You would have thought I was growing horns by the look on his face.

_Husk..._

I unzipped his zipper quickly - maybe a little too quickly, because he smarted like I snagged on something...which I tried not to think about too much. But then there was a problem I hadn't anticipated.. He sprung out of the gates with the unzipping, and I stared down south for a good long minute.

Good Lord. Special Guest Lisa from San Jose and Ray Ray didn't prepare me for this. It was like practicing on a Hot Wheels tricycle and then being road tested on a Harley.

"Bella," Edward asked softly.

_Husk!_

I just shook my head slightly, and shut him up with a kiss. I kept trying to push his pants down farther, but my mind kept racing back to the scene of the crime just moments earlier. And the fact that I was using corn language to handle the crime scene investigation was a good sign I was in over my head...

_"Get It? Head?" _

Shut up, Alice.

Edward hitched his hips up slightly to help me with his pants. I wiggled them down to his knees and he sat back down.

Crap, did I have to do this slip and slide thing all over again with his boxers too?

My question was answered by...Harley. He twitched right through the front opening of the boxers, presenting himself in all his glory.

God, it was odd to finally meet him face to face, when all these weeks we' d only met in passing on my thigh during makeout sessions on my bed. I almost felt like we should shake hands...

Oh wait, that's step two...

_Grab the Base._

I took a quick breath through my nose and I grabbed. I grabbed firmly and confidently just like Ray Ray, letting Harley know who was in charge.

Which in turn, caused Edward to make a weird noise. Not that cute little squeak, or that low groan that I've heard before...but a sort of cry...

"Oh, shit, did I hurt you," I asked breathlessly.

He shook his head - a little too adamantly. "No, honey, you're fine. Just maybe a little less tight."

He was speaking through clenched teeth. That's a good sign, right?

Sure thing, less tight...I eased up slightly.

_Thread..._

I began to "thread" upwards, slowly. But something hit me as I started the ascent; there was friction going on, which I know was the point. But it seemed like a little too MUCH friction for his end. Like how it feels when someone gives you an Indian Burn on your arm in third grade...

That can't be a good sign, right?

I tried not to be too mortified as I threaded back down to homebase.

He had been quiet the whole time. And when I finally looked at his face, I knew why. He was wincing like someone was sawing off his pinky. Or his Harley.

"Oh God, Edward, what?" My hands retreated instantly into my lap as instant relief fell upon his face.

"No, Bella it's fine, it's just..." He paused for a moment as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Give me a minute."

Give me a minute. He needed to recover from_ pain_. I gasped as my forehead fell onto his shoulders.

"I'm so sorry, Edward... I'm SO sorry." A wave of nausea and shame fell over me as tears started welling in my eyes.

"See, Bella...this is why I didn't say anything right now. I knew you'd be all hard on yourself." He picked up my chin with his finger. "Lighten, up, Sunshine." He patted my bum, where my nickname was emblazoned on my dress. But he still looked uncomfortable.

"I just want to be good for you--"

Edward grimaced with those words. "Bella, stop. That makes me feel like shit, that you're thinking like that at all. Give me more credit."

"I do," I protested. "I wanted to do something special for you though."

"You have," he whispered in my ear. "This dress tonight? The song? This?" He poked his finger through the hole of my dress and fingered my tat, kissing me while he cupped my neck with his other hand. "Damn, Bella, you know just how to get to me."

"But I don't know what I'm doing..." I hated how I was turning this into a therapy session, but the apologetic words kept coming. "And I tried to thread you right but then the traction seemed all wrong..."

He clamped his hands on my shoulders and pushed me back so we were seeing eye to eye.

"Thread me right? What are you talking about?"

It was one of those rare moments in life where my nervous, frantic regurgitation of words wasn't a ploy to deflect away from myself. No, Bella Swan decided to use her verbal upchucking to shine a big, damn spotlight on her wretched sexual instincts. I told him about googling hand jobs and watching corn porn and adopting a three point hand job plan based on corn threading with Ray Ray..

"Rachael Ray, that bobble headed Foodnetwork lady?" he said, completely mystified.

The very one. Which, when he described her, made her sound like some God awful Lunch Lady whose advice should be limited to how to make a hairnet work for you.

I told him about husking and cobb basing and threading. And his eyes only got more wide with horror, but that _still_ didn't stop me.

I even told him how I had all these damn voices in my head competing for my attention while I tried to thread him. Special Guest Linda From San Jose had coached me with a lighter touch. But that damn Ray Ray was championing a firmer grasp. And then of course Alice's voice was in the background the whole time, making double entendres like usual...

"ALICE!" Edward pointed my his finger at me. "I should have known." He shook his head side to side while he clenched a fist.

Within seconds, he was using his phone to find the offending video. I anticipated another flood of embarrassed tears as the video proceeded; instead, I was slumping over in hysterics along with Edward. He kept kissing my head while making horrified sounds as Rachael Ray manhandled the corn.

"I died a little inside for her husband right now. He's probably been threaded down to a nub at this point."

Once the hysterics died down, I sat back on top of his lap, leaning into his embrace.

"You know, I can tell you the second Rachael Ray entered our car, you know that?"

I didn't understand his meaning.

"You stopped doing your own thing after the Adam's Apple moment. I could feel your whole body change, stiffen." He brushed his hand across my cheek softly. "Bella, I want all of _this_ to be just about you and me. I don't want anyone getting between us - not Rachael Ray or Linda from San Jose, and definitely not Alice. Why don't you trust me enough to love everything you do to me? "

I gave him a quick kiss on the nose.

"I trust _you_, silly. It's me I don't trust."

I told him I didn't trust myself to be enough for him. I told him about Charlie and feminine products, and Renee and her STDs scare tactics, and my nerdy, frizzy poodle haired high schooled self on humid days. About Han San and how when we were studying for the SATs on a Friday night, everyone else was "studying" in the backseats of cars.

And here I was today, smug as hell if Edward wanted to throw me a reading comprehension curveball of a question; but I was frightened as hell that I wouldn't be enough for him right now, in this moment, in the backseat of a car in the dark.

And _that? _Would be the beginning of the end. Where Edward would gradually figure out that the Emperor had no clothes.

I waited for him to tell me that I was silly and overreacting and then offer to fix everything. The way he always did.

But he didn't.

He simply licked up a couple falling tears and gave me a sad smile. " I feel exactly the same way, Bella. Loving someone who doesn't have to love you back is scary, isn't it?"

Yes it was. And yet, somehow, my panic was eased realizing I wasn't alone. We were both entering foreign territory.

Together - just from opposite directions.

He leaned in and kissed me softly. No staccato this time. No bumping and grinding aftershocks. Just the sweetness of his lips moving gently with mine.

"Bella..don't forget." He paused for another peck."You don't have put on a show for me. We're past that."

"Okay...But.." I tried to talk between kisses..."I wanted to do more for you tonight..."

"Well, in that case...what's..."His mouth curled upward into a smile against my lips.."stopping you now?"

Of course, right after saying that, Edward tried to take the lead. Tried to reassure me, and make everything better.

Not that I was complaining.

He kissed me hard while lifting me up slightly and setting me on top of the flat console in between the passenger and driver's seat. He leaned me back further, my elbows flopping onto the front seats for balance. His body was bent over the edge of the console now, making my legs spead wide to accomodate him. Even before his lips left mine and ventured past my neck and collarbone, I knew where he was heading. Where his thumb already was -- poking inside the hole in my dress and rubbing my tattoo.

He dragged his jaw down over my breast and past my bellybutton, his lips leaving random kisses along the way. Edward stopped suddenly, just short of his destination and breathed into my skin, "Damnit, Bella, all your clothes need to have easy access like this for me."

His lips locked onto my clover and I felt the sensation instantly. He was sucking my skin in hard, making my lower body jerk hard in kind. It was almost embarrassing.

Almost.

But something was slightly off - his full lips didn't quite fit through the hole.

"Edward, wait...stop," I said in an alarmed and worried voice. He retreated suddenly, his hands going to his side.

"What, honey?" His voice betrayed the concern that he had taken too many liberties right now.

I waited until I got his full attention, then raised my dress slowly up past my hips.

"I always said I'd pay you back for pushing me under your shirt at that steakhouse." A smile spread across his lips before he shot back down - and my dress fell over his head.

We were moving more frantically now against one another. Hands were reaching carelessly - mine falling on top of his head, his grabbing upwards towards my breast and downwards towars my thigh. My hips were circling below him now, nudging him even closer to me, if that was possible.

And his mouth. He was taking turns; one moment, he was sucking in my tat softly while twirling his tongue around it. The next? Tugging at my skin with his teeth, making me hiss loudly. His sharper nippings were going to leave marks.

I hoped at least.

Our bodies were going faster than my mind could process; the next thing I knew, Edward was pulling down on the string of my bikinis with his mouth.

His head raised up underneath my dress, pulling on my string even tighter.

"Bella...please..."He mumbled hoarsely.

I tried to clear my head enough to think about my response - even though I wasn't sure what he was asking specifically. God, I liked where things were going with Edward, I felt tightly wound up and knew he wanted to break me loose. But tonight was suppossed to be about my grand gesture. And Edward, or more like Edward's tongue, was taking over. Like he always did, coming to my rescue and making everything better for us after I freaked out about something.

I couldn't always be the Lois Lane in the relationship, it wasn't fair to Edward. I wanted to be Superman too sometimes.

I took my dress off his head as I began to sit up. He let out a regretful groan and reached down for one more peck to the tattoo before sitting back onto the backseat. With shallow breaths, he was about to pull his pants back on.

But I stopped him with my hands. And straddled back onto his lap.

"Bella..." His voice sounded fustrated, as if he thought I was unintetionally teasing him. I thrusted my tongue into his mouth to let him know I wasn't.

Our hands started the dance over again. His hands dug into my hips; mine landed on his lower abs, my thumbs rubbing down lower.

"Bella...please..." He scooted me back slightly to the edge of his lap, his open palm cupping around my clothed core. "Please..."

I obliged him slightly, letting the heel of his palm create a delicious friction while I began to ride against it.

I scooped in for a kiss while one of my hands fisted around his hard flesh. He bucked up hard in response.

"Bella," Edward groaned almost sweetly as he began to pump into my hold. His palm started grinding against me harder, making me have to work harder to stay on task.

My hips were twisting now as I looked down on him, my hand moving slowly upward.

But I didn't like the dry traction still, it reminded me too much of the debacle earlier. No Indian Burns on my watch again.

So with Edward looking on with popped out eyes, I released him and licked my open palm up and down twice before bringing it back to his arousal.

Slicker, softer. More easy to handle now as I rode along the shaft back and forth, with light, quick strokes.

"How do you like it, Edward," I whispered into his ear.

His eyes were closed as he tried to answer. "Like...that...God, Bella...just...like...that."

He didn't last long. That didn't seem the goal for him tonight though. He was working against my hand just as much as my hand was working against him. Slow torture would be saved for another day.

My heart broke slightly as he moaned our my name when he came, watching him shudder before his head fell into the crook of my neck. He seemed almost childlike in his soothing exhaustion. He nuzzled against me for several minutes before lifting his head again.

Of course, he concentrated fully on me afterward. It took awhile more for me, and he must have anticipated that. I had to focus, concentrate on the building pressure within my body. It was all so new and foreign, I really didn't understand how to reign it in at first. I lost the rhythm several times, having to start back at square one. But he was there with me the whole way, patiently guiding me along. Telling me how beautiful I was. How he wanted me _and_ loved me.

And then it happened.

Fireworks.

Not the cheap shit you buy on the roadside before the Fourth of July. We aren't talking hand held sparklers here. We are talking the Disney-mother-effing-Land Top of the Line Fireworks extravaganza treatment in the sky. Complete with a some broad on a sky cablewire dressed up like Tinkerbell throwing sparkly glitter "pixie dust" over you while "When You Wish Upon A Star" is being played by a live, forty piece orchestra.

"I love you, Edward." I nestled into his arms as my breathing tried to even back out.

"This is what happens, Bella. This is what happens when nothing gets between us, " he whispered into my ear.

0000000000000

**a/n: RE: James if you had some questions about last chapter**

I actually tend to edit out a lot of parts of each chapter because they tend to get too long. And I realized after last chapter that I had edited a great amount of backstory on James in previous chapters. So, here's just some backstory information that didn't make it into chapters or can simply clarify somethings regarding his intentions.

a)James is a mix between James and Jacob. Jacob is never really a worthy rival to Edward if you ask me. James is a very worthy rival, but without a soul. lol So, I think this James is more parts James, but with some Jacob thrown in so that he could actually fall for Bella.

b)Bella and him truly became friends. One big part I had edited out was how they became friends. I had her confront him one day with all his bsing. She basically calls him out on what he's doing and when he tells her who does she think she is...Bella answers him - "I"m you. At least I was you for a long time." That's what started their friendship. Cause she was able to read every defense and deflecting mechanism he had up. And at some point, he told her about his background with his mom. Major alcoholic who was emotionally abusive and yet they were very close, because they were all they had. He ends up leaving with his stepfather as a teenager. Has minimal contact with his mom, usually only when she needs something.

So, in some ways, James gets Bella in some ways that maybe Edward couldn't really get. So, there was an intimacy there, simply due to their common backgrounds.

c) He was not planning on raping or injuring Bella when he went to the apartment. Not physically, but he wanted to lash out at her emotionally definitely. He simply wanted to make her compromise her relationship with Edward they way he thought she had with their friendship. He thought he could get her to kiss him basically.

d) The reason he wanted to lash out at Bella was because he thought she had betrayed his trust by showing Edward the card and making light of his mother and his family situation to Edward.

h) James is a jerk. He's had some hard knocks, but he is quite happy with being a jerk. His interest in Bella was very sincere on some level though. I imagined it that he was someone who did not let anyone in, and Bella, in the great Twilight series tradition, disarmed him with friendship. That what started out as a simple competition with Edward turned into something else along the way once he got to know Bella more. That's why I had Edward tell James not to mess with her because she's Bella. Edward knew on some level JAmes recognized how special she was, even if he hated that James had gotten close enough to her to realize that.

Still, even if he cared and liked her and wanted to be close to her, he knew he was capable of hurting her. Because she was too open to being there for him. So, he had a moment of decency and did the one thing he could do to show he cared about her-he walked away.

e) And yes, the card he gave her was a sincere gesture on his part. I thought of it as this awkward attempt on his part to be a friend for the first time...lol


	47. AN

Hi lovelies! Just a quick note to say I'm working on this chapter. Real life got all heavy and pressing and stuff like that. And then I got possessed and wrote and wrote yesterday and today, but my computer went crazy and my document of the chapter just has a bunch of boxes now instead of text. I feel nauseous, but I'm trying to rewrite what I remember and will get it out in the next day or two hopefully. Thanks for all the pms and reviews asking what happened to me!lol Halo


	48. Jasper Puts a Ring On It

**JASPER PUTS A RING ON IT**

**a/n**: Sorry for the delayed update. Real life is such a pain in the ass in that way....ha

**a/n**: This chapter is what happened to Alice and Jasper the same night Bella threaded some corn and beyond. Corn threading from JPOV isn't as funny as Bella's POV, just thought I'd tip you off. He's more of a sad sack...

**a/n**: This chapter is full of flashbacks. If it's confusing here's the way the story is framed: Wednesday night-flashback-Saturday-flashback-following Wednesday night. The chapter starts on a Wednesday night after a show and ends on the next Wednesday night after a show.

**a/n**: Thanks for ALL the reviews and pms from you guys. You ladies are terrific.

**a/n**: I dedicate this to Esme48, queen of all things Jasperian and Alician!lol And to Vampy, she ain't heavy, she's my pinay sister....lol

000000000000000

**JPOV(This starts out the same night Bella threaded some corn after they played their set at the bar...lol)**

"Pancakes?"

"Yes, pancakes," Alice said as if it was the most natural request in the world from her after an enthusiastic set at Casey Moran's.

"IHOP pancakes?" I prodded.

The very ones.

"IHOP, the establishment you always referred to as International House of Pisscakes because your friend waitressed there and said the rats pissed all over the kitchen and ate out of the flour sacks?"

She nodded innocently.

"Hey, everyone should have a blueberry pisscake every now and then, Jas. It makes you hearty - builds up the ol' immune system."

Alice insisted on driving my car, and I glanced over at her as she drove right past....an IHOP. Did I just see a grey Volvo in the very back of the parking lot---

"Not _that _IHOP," she interjected, reading my face. "That one looks...... too crowded." And impish grin came and went quickly.

She parked in the very back of the next closest IHOP, almost twenty minutes away.

A lot of effort for Alice's version of edible immunization shots.

I started opening my passenger door, but she stopped me midway and reclosed it. Her hand grazed along my thighs as she retreated, instantly freezing me up.

"So," Alice said as she curled her body up in the driver's seat, "what was your favorite song tonight?"

I thought for a second, trying to ignore her skirt riding up her thigh.

'Um.........Your tribute to a pre-"Rock of Love" Brett Michaels with Poison's "Unskinny Bop" was the definite highlight.'

"I know, right?" Her head tilted to the side, a lazy smile appearing out of nowhere as she slid over to my passenger seat and straddled me.

Her arms wrapped around my neck as she began to plant a trail of kisses up my neck.

"How the hell do you unskinny bop, anyways," Alice whispered into my ear before zoning in on my mouth. Her back arched when our lips made contact.

This wasn't good. Not at all.

Alice straddling my lap and arching up against me while inquiring about unskinny bopping was going to end in only one way. The way I swore I wouldn't let it to Edward.

Edward had such an active interest in protecting his sister's virtue lately......once he realized his first line of defense all these years -myself- was now the main threat.

Not that privacy and opportunity presented themselves too often for us Alice and Edward dating one another's roommates, neither could stomach the thought of scheduling "private time" at either of our rooms. Not yet at least.

"Alice," I groaned in between her kisses," I promised Edward....I promised him.... to take it slow..."

She pulled away, a triumphant grin on her face. "Trust me, Edward's too preoccupied now to worry about us."

As she raised her miniskirt slightly while settling back onto my lap, I caught a flash of black lace underneath.

Goddamn her.

Alice, black lace and I went back.

Way back.

**xx**

Back to the first time I ever came to her window - and her bed.

It was one of the last nights of summer before school began. I was coming out of ninth grade, Alice was going into eighth.

I tapped on her window - she opened it up.

"What are you doing, Jas," she asked with alarmed eyes.

I put my finger to my mouth. I didn't want the rest of the house to know I was there.

Her smile was glorious when she caught onto my meaning.

She let me in, asked me what was wrong.

I didn't really have an answer for that question.

I would later on as that school year progressed, and seeking refuge in Alice's bedroom became an almost nightly ritual. It was that year that the fighting began to escalate. I still don't know which was worse. The silent treatments my parents used against one another that forced me to play the mediator by default. Or the booming verbal blows below the belt that came towards the end. Either way, Alice stopped asking me what was wrong at some point.

She simply left her window ajar, and I took advantage of the invitation. More often than I should have, in retrospect.

But that first night? I wasn't there because something was wrong. I was there to gloat - in front of Edward of course.

I had just gotten back from hanging out with Tara Kirkpatrck, and it was official. I was now ahead of Edward in terms of pop flies for the summer.

But a funny thing happened along the way to Edward's window to break the good news.

I had to pass Alice's window first.

There was a dim glow coming from hers, unlike Edward's darkened room. And wasn't that fitting? Edward and Alice could have played the respective devil and angel on each of my shoulders.

I watched silently as she glided back and forth across her room, her boxers and beater clinging to her petite form. My beater in fact, one she had stolen from me years ago.

Exquisite.

That was the only word to describe her. It was the word my mother used to describe Alice as a child. She was all dark eyes and lashes and hair and grace, like a porcelain ballerina doll. But the second she started seventh grade, she went from doll to minisized bombshell in under three seconds. All those doll like qualities were now accompanied with petite curves and a sashay that put her years of ballet to good use.

I cringed away from noticing for the most part, and focused more on scaring away all the little boys that began sniffing their way around the Cullen household.

The exact way I was sniffing around her window at that very moment.

The view before me was innocent really - I watched in silence for several minutes. Alice was a absentmindedly dancing while studying her wall. She had clusters of paint swatches on it, cateogorized by complimentary shades. She was in the middle of taking a new swatch, holding it against the wall, and then grouping it with different cluster schemes.

Esme was going to pull her hair out - it looked like Alice was getting ready to repaint her room for the millionth time this year. I couldn't help but smile.

Even though an overriding sense of sadness came over me.

Alice and I were growing up, and growing apart.

Once Esme and Carlisle figured out that Edward and I had discovered girls(and all that could comes along with that discovery), Carlisle gave Edward the responsibility and ethics sex lecture. And realizing that such words would never fall from my parents' lips, I was involved in that daddy-son time as well.

Fair enough.

But what really got me were the new rules that accompanied the lecture.

No more shared sleepovers for Alice, Edward and I in either of their bedrooms. All sleepovers were limited to the living room now - which had three different entryways. And Carlisle made ample use of those entries throughout the night when I stayed over.

No more hanging out in Alice's room, unless the door was opened at all times.

And no more movie nights with the two of us on her bed. Our favorite pastime together really.

At least for me.

Our relationship was limited to public appearances from there on out. We became more formal with one another, self conscious even. That's what happens when it's implied that the two of you might rip your clothes off the minute you were alone behind closed doors.

Not that most of the rules even mattered at this point. In an effort to evade Alice's all knowing, all seeing, bullshit meter when it came to his new extracurricular activities, Edward began to include her less and less in our business.

Before I realized it, our relationship, a bond that seemed unbreakable, was reduced to greetings as we passed eachother in the hall.

As I watched her dance over to her desk for a new batch of swatches, thoughts of Tara and popflies and tallies faded way. And all that remained?

How much I missed my Alice.

She let me in without a word on my part.

When I didn't answer her about what was wrong, she put her hand to my cheek.

"You look like you lost your puppy."

Not too far off.

The first couple of minutes were awkward while we tried to get our rhythm back, just the two of us.

She was trying to pull down her beater lower, at least past her belly button. I silently wondered if I should delouse myself of Tara before sitting down on her bed.

I made a lame comment about the color swatches. She asked where I was coming back from, adding a slightly raised eyebrow when I said nowhere in particular.

Damn bullshit meter of hers.

When our first attempts at hushed conversation petered out, she excused herself and bolted out the door. She came back with a tray minutes later.

"I was about to make myself a snack anyways," she whispered with a wink.

No doubt - Alice always had the appetite of a linebacker.

But she made Peanut Butter, Honey, and Banana Sandwiches.

My favorite.

Within minutes, we reverted back to our old ways, chewing and talking and laughing with our mouths full on her bed. Breaking bread and mocking Edward were always a winning combination, and that night was no exception. She told me about mysterious egg peltings on Edward's bedroom window in the last week; no doubt a scorned Edwardian lover, she concluded.

"With a little more effort on his part, I bet my brother could land himself a boiling rabbit in a pot on the stove by next month!"

Nothing got past her, even though Edward thought he was protecting her.

She showed me mercy though, not shining that same floodlight in my direction. Instead, she picked out a DVD for us as I laid down on my side horizontally on her bed, an elbow propping my head up.

Alice slinked down in front of me in the same position.

Movie nights were officially reestablished, Cullen family rules be damned.

As the credits rolled, Alice murmurred, " I missed this, Jas."

I leaned in slightly. "I missed you."

She looked over her shoulder, her eyes locking with mine. They were full of understanding - and trust.

Trust I didn't deserve.

Because a milisecond before that precious Hallmark greeting card exchange? My eyes had been plastered on her ass, mere inches away from me. And the vague contour of a lacey black thong underneath her boxers. And the thong strings poking outside of the boxers at her hips, taunting me. My hand had been working up the nerve to place itself on her hip, while my lips were ready to press against her exposed neck.

Yes, black lace and Alice and I went way back. Not just that night, but almost every other night afterward that I came to her bed. How many pairs of black lace thongs did a girl have, I wondered at some point. Those damn straps winked out at me from her hips no matter what she was wearing - boxers, sweats, flannel pjs.

That first night she stopped me from calling her thong strap's bluff with sweet words, and trustful eyes. They shamed me into realizing what I had been _this_ close to doing: going from Tara to Alice's bed in less than a half of an hour. Alice, who wasn't even in high school yet;who had been more than a best friend to me, more like family. The only person I'd let into my family if I had actual veto power to kick out current members and start over from scratch.

Nasty bastard. Nasty, selfish bastard.

I never got immune to her as I hoped I would with time; in fact, I let my mind wander at will many nights while we laid in bed together. But any time that black lace started getting the upper hand on me the way it did that first night?

I'd remember those beautiful dark eyes staring at me with complete confidence and trust.

Oh - and Carlisle's rifle he kept in a locked box in his bedroom closet of course.

He wasn't nicknamed "Deadeye Dick" by his skeet shooting buddies for nothing.

xx

"Jas?"

Alice was still straddling me, her hiked skirt still betraying a glimpse of lace, giving me an encouraging smile.

But I just sat there frozen.

She didn't understand all this; how for so long, wanting her had always been coupled with restraint - and guilt. How those accompaniments didn't just disappear within days, or even weeks. They lingered, and chided me for trying to take something - and someone - I didn't deserve.

Not really.

I had always been a "cram-before-the-night-of-a-test" kind of guy.

With Alice, I always imagined I would get out of college, get a great job, and a great mortgage, and then go after her. Become worthy of her. By then, she would have dated a good number of assholes - who would in turn only make me look more like a peach in comparison.

But then she came to school, and couldn't get with the program.

She actually sniffed out decent, hymen intacted guys to date. I hated watching it go down from the sidelines - and I knew that I would throw my hat into the ring prematurely. Even though I had no right to, I threw my hat in. Only because I finally realized a girl like Alice wouldn't be around years from now when I finally got my shit together. She'd be snatched up by someone who was good enough for her - now.

Lucky for me, Alice was a sentimental girl, and gave me a chance. But it only blared a light on the fact that sentimental choices always have a limited shelf life.

"Earth to Jasper," Alice whispered. But I couldn't answer, feeling like I was trespassing on private property all of the sudden.

I sat there frozen as her delicate fingers negotiated with my button and zipper.

I sat there frozen as her hands tugged my pants downward, her petite body sliding down my legs until her feet reached the car floor along with my pants. She was crouching in between my legs now, smiling up at me.

"I was just thinking. All those years of you coming to me at night, just to talk...."

She placed her hands on my knees, only her finger tips touching my skin. She began to move them slowly upward.

"Laying beside me..."

Her fingertips would drag a couple of inches up my bare thighs, then her nails would take over as they retreated backwards an inch or so.

Forward and retreat, forward and retreat. Two steps forward, one step back. Her fingers made the slowest of gains upward with each cycle - it was driving me crazy. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine Carlisle with a shotgun pointed at my popfly zone to maintain what little control I had left.

"It's just that...talking isn't enough anymore, is it...."

Her fingers finally reached the hem of my boxers, and I expected them to retreat backwards just as quickly.

They didn't.

Her fingers splayed out across each upper thigh, dipping underneath the material as they ascended further.

"Jasper..."

I could feel her thumbs extending underneath my boxers, closing in on Ground Zero. I couldn't help myself--I had to look.

Just one eye I thought. That would be managable.

It wasn't.`

Alice maintained our stare; and as her thumbs moved in on my cock, she let out a soft laugh. A soft laugh that exhaled hot breath onto the inside of my thigh. I tried to crunch my eye back closed, and go back to the "happy place" of Carlisle with a shot gun.

Too late.

"Shiiiiiiiiit," I growled out, cupping my hands over myself so that I didn't spill onto Alice's pristine fingers. She had just gotten a manicure today.

And yes, Alice had me that p-whipped.

"Well, I guess talking_ is _enough," she added with a sigh.

It was official: Not only did I not have my crap together enough for Alice. Neither did my penis.

xx

Saturday proved to be just as excruciating. Sure, since deciding to give "us" a go, we'd gone on some dates. But more often than not, our time was spent with me taking her to and from things. To and from class. To and from band practice. To and from the library. Or the testing center. Or bass practice with that twat Laurent. Or all the luau preparations she'd been helping out with for her Kiwi friends. It made me feel more like her taxi-driving soccer mom than her boyfriend, if that was how she even saw me.

I wanted tonight to be different - special. Even if it was a textbook example for "overcompensation."

Trying to wine and dine Alice to make up for that little premature ejaculation episode in a goddamn IHOP parking lot reminded me of my father when he bought a Porsche at the height of his midlife crisis. Every time he zipped up into our driveway, I just wanted to shout out, "Sorry about your penis, Dad!"

But it wasn't all about my wounded pride - it was about wanting to actually sweep Alice off her feet.

That was easier said than done though. I had to be creative. Alice had watched on with an arched brow throughout high school as I dated countless girls. She knew all the plays in the Jasperian playbook of love.

Hell, half of my plays from the playbook came from Alice herself.

Like how you should never give chocolate or flowers on Valentine's Day.

"That's so unoriginal and boring. You have to make something from scratch," added Alice. "A card, a cake, whatever. Just as long as it comes from your own hands, that's what makes it special."

Which made sense when Alice voiced it; but not all girls were Alice.

My failed attempt at lasagna my junior year on Valentine's with some girl I hadn't dated that long resulted in a call-in for pizza takeout. And a girl looking at me expectantly throughout the evening, most likely waiting for.......some chocolate or roses.

I drove her home early in all her cross-armed, non-flower holding, silently self righteous glory.

Soon after, I hopped through Alice's window, lasagna in hand for a good laugh. But Alice attempted to ressucitate it on her bedroom floor. Like a surgeon performing brain surgery, she scalped off the top, burnt layer with steady precision--to reveal a perfectly edible lasagna underneath.

"You dumb ass, Jasper," she laughed out too loudly for a daughter with a gun owning daddy, "this is totally fine. The top just got a little crispy because you probably baked it uncovered at too high a temperature."

Leave it to Alice to salvage the good in anything that seemed ruined on the outside.

It was a bittersweet memory. Sweet as I thought of Alice throwing down a blanket and creating a makeshift picnic in the middle of her room, and praising my first(and last) culinary effort. Bitter because I had given Alice leftovers.

On Valentine's day of all days.

xx

I told her to wear something nice for our date; of course, she didn't disappoint in high heels and a strapless mini-dress. I swore she had stolen it off a Barbie doll-it was that tiny.

She was tickled that I took her to a new French restaurant that had a months long wait for reservations. Between the dress and her flawless French, she had the whole staff eating out of her hand within minutes.

Who was I kidding though - it was mostly the dress.

The chef even came out to talk to her for a couple of minutes before making her a dessert that wasn't on the menu.

Pervert.

She caught my sneer and mouthed: "_You shoulda putta ring on it_." It had been her motto for a couple weeks now whenever I acted like a territorial caveman. Damn Beyonce/Sasha Fierce and her two-snaps-and-a-hip-jut girl power songs.

As we headed down the highway, I asked her if some live music downtown would be a good idea.

"Hmm.....I was thinking more along the lines of pisscakes."

Before I knew it, we were parked and Alice was sliding into position.

But she threw me for a loop,after I had psyched myself out over handling black lace. A flash of white lace peered out from underneath her dress.

Of course I came even faster than the last time.

But everyone knows.

White lace trumps black - at least that's what I told her.

"Seriously, Alice, you need to buy some grandma panty briefs like Bridget Jones that ride up to your ribcage. It's not working with you in these dental flossed, lacey numbers."

Her eyebrows furrowed as she retreated to her seat. She wrapped her arms around her waist, looking outside the driver's seat window - and away from me. "Bella buys those cotton types at Walmart. She gets like 20 pairs for 3 bucks there. Which means they were made by five year old wage slaves in Thailand no doubt." She tried to laugh, but it sounded forced.

Maybe the forced laughter came from the horrid idea that Alice would have to step into a Wal-Mart for the first time in her life to indulge my request. Or maybe it was forced because she was beginning to realize I wasn't worth all the effort.

Alice was ready to call it a night soon after. We went out two more times before her next gig at Casey's the following Wednesday, but Alice didn't ask for any more pisscakes. Things felt like they were heading backwards for us, easing back into sibling territory.

Part of me welcomed it, the maytyr-riffic part that knew she deserved better and was going to figure out soon enough. But the greedy bastard part of me panicked. I needed to do something.

But why did it seem like IHOP held all the answers for Alice in terms of us moving forward in our relationship?

"Ew, I'm sorry, that's probably my fault," Bella confessed the following Wednesday, a couple hours before their set at Casey's. We were in the employee lounge together, waiting for Alice and Edward to come back from an errand. "I told her how we both bypassed the all important high school rite of passage of making out in an IHOP parking lot on a full stomach of Belgium waffles, and she was really indignant about the whole know she hates missing out on anything...."

My silence registered as confusion to Bella, and she thought she had to explain. "All those strawberries and whipped cream and carbs make for a lot of smack, crackle and pop in the backseat aftterwards."

She was such an odd girl. Especially for Edward; who up until her, was so in danger of being completely normal and predictable. Maybe that was the attraction though.

I told her that was all fine and good, but that's not how I wanted to spend my private time with Alice. Lord knows I'd given the girl enough half assed memories, I didn't want to continue the trend with backseat antics in a public parking lot.

Those antics are understandable at sixteen; but at twenty-one, it seemed unforgiveable.

Bella's eyes lit up. "Do you need me to distract Edward tonight? Give you guys some alone time in my dorm room? Do you need me to help you with anything?" Bella's mouth began rambling with all the possibilities for the night. She punched me in the shoulder to voice her approval of my foray into grand gesture land for Alice, saying Alice had been down lately. That this would be just what she needed.

Which made wonder out loud if I needed to think of something _very_ grand in terms of gestures.

"No! No, that's not what I meant by what Alice needs. I meant grand gesture in a sweet way, not in your usual way."

I asked her what she meant by "my" way.

"You know what I mean, Jasper. You get all Richard-Gere-Pretty-Woman and shit on her all the time with your gestures." She must have noticed I took slight offense to that.

"Don't get me wrong, she loves how much you spoil her like that. But you know, sometimes you overdo it with the Princess and the Pea gestures. Even Audrey Hepburn needed a Roman Holiday from being a princess."

Odd girl - but an honest and generous girl as well. And different. Different the way Alice was different from everyone else I'd ever met. Of course that was the attraction for Edward.

"Tonight's the night you're gonna put a ring on it, Jasper!" Bella leaned closer into me with a very serious expression. "And it's about time cause girlfriend attracts hot bitches like a moth to a flame."

xx

**APOV**

"Huh?" That's all I had come out, as we walked into my dorm.

The only light shining in the darkened room was from flickering candles.

I dropped my purse, ready to flip on the switch. Jasper stopped me.

"Wait." That's all he said as he took my hand and guided me to my desk. It was covered with a pretty table cloth, and two covered plates sat on top. He sat down on the lone chair, and then pulled me onto his lap. I took the napkin off the plate closest to me.

Banana, peanut butter, and honey sandwiches.

"Bella made up the table and got the candles going. But I made the sandwiches earlier. You always said making it with your own hands is what makes it special."

I didn't know if I should laugh - or cry.

All week, he'd been giving mixed signals. With every "yes, I'm glad we are going forward with this" signal, there was a "I so regret this" signal that accompanied it. This was no exception. On one hand, we have candles flickering. Romantic. Yet he serves a banana, pb, and honey sandwich. The sandwich of choice in our high school years. When we were only brother and sister. If I had to re-name the sandwich, it would most likely be: "I don't want to have sex with you sandwich."

I tried to thank him, but it came out mumbled. We sat in silence, eating the sandwiches, his head occasionally resting on my back. But he offered nothing else.

"Wait, I have something for you," he quipped when I started to get off his lap. He handed me a wrapped package. He smiled sweetly as I opened it.

I looked over the wrapped bundle of "Hanes For Her" hi-cut briefs, a six pack. Cotton. In mulitple colors even. A package of fake, plastic rings were underneath for some reason. I could feel my cheeks burning. I knew he meant it as a cute gag gift, but it almost felt like he was mocking me.

"And you were wrong," he said in a tenative voice, no doubt surveying my face at that moment. "They cost me nine bucks, not three dollars. Wal-Mart is cheap, but not that cheap."

I managed an anemic laugh, even though I'd slap him if he mentioned one more thing about black lace. All the "you-are-just-so-sexy-I-can't-control-myself" declarations in the last week were the biggest red flag that something was seriously wrong. He seemed to forget that I watched on the sidelines as he dated girl after girl for years. Amazons really, all legs and boobs and big hair. I was the anithesis of his type in every way, and I couldn't help but wonder if all the lace and makeunder talk on my lingerie choices were just his way of trying to avoid what the real problem was.

I wasn't doing it for him.

"So....when is the fashion show?" Jasper's voice was barely audible behind me, the words not fitting the grave tone of his voice.

Not doing it for him was something that hadn't even occurred to me; until last week, when I pushed us further than the usual kissing. The more I tried to push the limits, the less he reacted. It was almost like he tried to cut the whole thing short by coming early. I tried to not take it personally the first time. But the second time was when he went off about how my black lace was too much for him.

Bullshit.

"God, Jasper, I'm really tired actually. Maybe another time." His face fell as I gathered up a tank top and boxers and excused myself for a minute to get ready for bed.

"Did you see the rings?" He held them up awkwardly as I brushed past him. I nodded quickly and looked away.

When I came back into the room, he stared at me with an expression I couldn't read at all.

"Do you want to watch a movie or or just call it a night," I asked, not looking at him while I spoke.

He motioned me to his side on my bed with a pat on the mattress, and asked me what was wrong. I just shook my head, my arms crossing around my waist reflexively.

"Did I do something wrong, Ali? It's just..." his voice trailed off, most likely because I could feel the tears pooling up in my eyes. I couldn't help but laugh.

"No, you haven't done anything wrong at all, Jasper. That's probably the worst part. There's no one to blame for this."

He removed his hand from my knee, asking what "this" was. The stunned look on his face made me pause for a moment - like he had no clue what I was talking about.

I looked downward, clasping my hands on my lap. " _This_ is harder than I ever thought it would be. Being with you."

He was about to interrupt but I put my hand up. "That's how it's felt all week. Like I can't tell if you want this or not."

My words poured out more quickly once I got going. About how distant he had been with me in the car. How he didn't react at all to me. That I knew he loved me, cared for me, liked hanging out with me. But not in the way that mattered most if we were going past friendship. In the way he wanted girls before me. Girls who were taller and curvier and had beauty pageant big hair with bad highlights.

That last part got a flicker of a smile, which encouraged me.

"And ugly platform sandals, and dimestore hoop earrings, and spray-on tans...."

He snickered, but it sounded humorless. I looked up at him. His eyes didn't stray from my gaze.

"I've wanted you most of all; shit, before it was legal to want you, Alice. And I think you want me."

I snorted with indignation, but he stopped me with a raised finger.

"But only because you don't know any better. And one day you are going to realize there's more out there for you than lost boys you have to save time and again. Sooner than later, you're going to see what's out there and move on." He paused for a moment. "And I won't blame you."

If I hadn't been watching him so intently, I would have missed it. But his eyes winced, as if he was anticipating a blow.

Without thinking, I took his hand in mine, my thumbs rubbing reassuringly against his skin.

"Always saving me, Alice," he whispered, shaking his head slowly.

Ignoring him, I lifted his hand to my lips, brushing his knuckles with light kisses. He took in a deep breath as I did.

"Alice..."

His hand cupped the side of my face, making me pause.

"I know what's out there, Jasper."

He mumbled back that I didn't, but it didn't stop him from scooping in for a kiss.

Soft, gentle. Careful. As he had always treated me.

His other hand cupped the other side of my head with featherlight pressure, keeping me in place. His kisses came more rapidly now; open mouthed and urgent, focusing on my upper lip. Not urgent with lust, but with desperation.

Like we were running out of time.

It struck me - maybe he'd been looking for signs like me all week. Signs that we loved and wanted the other more. Not just looking, but seeking out any sign to fulfill our self-prophecy. I looked for signs that that I wasn't truly desired. Maybe he looked for signs that he wasn't truly loved.

I pulled away for a moment, waiting for him to look at me.

Jasper opened his eyes, and it was like falling backward in time. He looked like the same boy I'd see again and again outside my window years ago; waiting to be let in, with the same sad eyes that told me more than his words ever would. A lost boy who felt compelled to run out in the middle of the night to find refuge in my bed. It had made me feel guilty at the time; having a loving family, and a home base that was fortified like Fort Knox. But it was the very thing I could offer him when I was too young to offer anything else.

Shelter.

Something I could offer him now.

"I love you." He shook his head, resisting what I had to say still. My lips brushed against his neck before I pulled back to look at him again.

We regarded eachother for a long pause, trying to read the other's face.

As if satisfied with what he saw, he closed his eyes and leaned in, anticipating my touch.

I kissed his eyebrow softly.

"I always wanted you," he whispered back. "Always."

His grave eyes confirmed it all. Both him wanting me and his self judgement that he shouldn't.

That first part was the only thing I needed to know before I proceeded.

Things happened quickly after that.

Comforters were pulled back. Jeans were lost, along with jackets and shirts and socks. We were settled underneath my blanket now, with Jasper laying on his back, looking up at me in earnest. I was laying on my side, my arm propped up to support my head. My free hand was raking down his bare chest, my fingers documenting the freefall from the bottom of his ribcage to his bellybutton.

"Alice...." The weak protest I expected finally came out.

"Shut up," I smirked out before kissing him. My lips stayed there as my hand explored, to keep him steady. Lord knows he was overthinking every movement.

Silly rabbit.

My fingers sweeped down the side of his hip, down towards his leg; inward on his upper thigh, stopping just short of the prize. He let out a small gasp anyways.

I retreated , moving back up his hip. As my fingers fanned across his tummy, my arm brushed against his head. He contracted those lovely abs of his on contact, his eyebrows furrowing. I repeated the movement over again and again, dragging my arm along his cock each time.

"Al..ice..." My name sounded off in the form of a question, or a request. Probably both. I raised my head and glanced down on him. Jasper looked so open to me in that moment, open to me in a way I don't think he'd ever let himself before. I smoothed my hand over my lips a couple times, rubbing the excess lip gloss onto my palm.

Our eyes were fixed on one another as I reached beneath his boxers, and grabbed hold of him firmly.

I tried to keep a saged look on my face for his benefit; he was so jumpy as it was, I didn't want him to worry anymore than he was. But deep down, I felt like...Alice in effing Wonderland. As I gripped onto his shaft, it struck me that Jasper, in all his masculinity, was a study in contrasts. He felt soft; and yet underneath the smooth skin was a hardness that was intimidating. I began to glide my grasp upward along the shaft, watching him squirm when I reached his head.

Upward and Downward. Repeat.

On paper, it sounded so simple in theory. But in practice, it was one of the most intricate exchanges I ever had with Jasper. The most subtle of expressions that I'd come to learn through the years - the way he pursed his lips, or how deeply he furrowed his eyebrows - would tip me off when to slow down, or speed up, or loosen my grip, or to focus more on one spot.

I drew it out as a long as possible; but he was getting close now, his body shifting in ways that meant he was ready.

I gripped more firmly, moved up and down more rapidly, as I leaned down for a kiss. He lapped me up with his tongue, his hands gripping the back of my hand almost roughly as his whole body stiffened for a sharp second.

And then he moaned into my ear -the sweetest sound I'd ever heard.

We laid there silent for a minute, with Jasper nuzzling into my neck. I couldn't help but think how something so goofy, it's nicknamed "third base", turned into something else for us right now. As if our bodies had to show us what our minds refused to see - that we knew better.

We were solid, had been for years, and had weathered big life obstacles at ages where our biggest worry should have been to pass our driver's test.

Together.

xxxxxxx

**a/n: **Yes, just in case you wondered--Jasper reciprocated. But seriously, this chapter's way too long as it is....lol

**a/n**: Some people asked how long this story will be- I think it will be wrapped up within 10 chapters or less. Probably like, 7.


	49. Ricecakes and Oatmeal

**Chapter 49: Ricecakes and Lumpy Oatmeal**

**a/n: Thanks for the reviews you guys! I would love to respond to them all, they are so sweet; but I've had so little time to write, any free time I use for writing.**

**a/n: a "malo" is a male Polynesian skirt in the front - and sometimes in the back it gets twisted into a g-string sorta thing, where you got some bare bum cheeks staring out at you. **

**a/n: Rose is in this chapter; and from previous chapters, her background was elaborated on. To refresh, she is a "townie" -born and bred in the college town that houses the university. She comes from a working class family, with three older brothers. Her father raised her after her mother left as a girl, but she raised herself in many ways. Like the book series, she survived a brutal and random assault on her a year ago. Bella and her clashed initially at work, but became quick friends once Bella stood up to her.**

**a/n: There are two links on the very top of my profile for this chapter:**

**1) One link is a ancient male Hawaiian hula, to sorta give a working image for the type of dancing Emmett was doing onstage(Emmett is from New Zealand, but is part of a church Polynesian dance group that performs various Polynesian dances). The dance begins around 1;30, and the circular rotation called an "ami" that rose and alice are appreciating is around 1:58.**

**2)And the other link is of the song that Rose sings, "Angel From Montgomery." It's a famous song, but the lyrics are beautiful and sorta Rose like.**

**a/n: The f-bomb is used a lot here, but mainly due to the setup with Rose. Just thought I'd mention **

xxx

**BPOV:**

"It's a butt flap."

Alice's eyes narrowed. "It's called a _malo, _the native wrap-around male skirts from Hawaii. Don't be such an ugly American."

Jasper gave the performers another quick look and then grimaced. "I'm being generous calling it a butt flap. It's really just ass floss. How the hell am I suppossed to gobble down some Kalua Pork with a bunch of hairy dental flossed asses in front of me?"

Alice gasped while putting a finger to her lips.

"Shhhhhhh! They'll hear you. You are so culturally insensitive," she hissed. "And besides, none of their asses are hairy. The Pacific Islander men are a naturally hairless people." She moved his head back towards the stage. "See for yourself, they clearly don't ---"

Jasper put his hand up. "Stop! You are making my eyes and ears bleed. Geeesus..."

We were only five minutes into the fundraising Luau show for Emmett and Seamus' Polynesian Dance group, and Rose said the price of admission was already worth it. Between getting peeks of Emmett walking around backstage in a loincloth that would make Tarzan blush and watching Jasper cringe at all the male flesh in front of him, it was definitely a good start to the evening. The "something" between Emmett and Rose had been advancing VERY slowly in the past couple of weeks. But here she was, at the luau. And she was even in a floral printed dress to keep in theme. Emmett kept peeking out at her from behind the stage and giving her a big smile.

Emmett with a sweet smile on his face while walking around bare assed was somehow endearing....

And Rose actually seemed flustered by his partial nudity. This was hard for her, I knew it. Luaus and floral dresses and group situations weren't Rose's scene. Rose was mothereffing Clint Eastwood, who didn't need friends or family, just a sunset to ride into alone. She was doing this for me, because it made me happy to see her outside and among people who cared about her; and even though she wouldn't admit it, she was doing it for Emmett too. He was hoping she would show.

And then there was Alice, who had helped to pull off the luau in the previous weeks with her friends. She looked absolutely gorgeous tonight. She was in a stunning wrap-around dress, and her makeup was shimmery and highlighting her doe shaped eyes and full lips. Her normally spikey hair was styled straight and flipped up at the ends, with a cascade of plumerias pinned onto the side her head. She was glowing - literally. She got a mystic tan earlier on in the day with a sparkle coat.

Her beauty was not going unnoticed by her newfound friends either onstage. Like a topless Seamus in a male version of a microminiskirt doing a Samoan slap dance right in front of her with a big ass smile on his face.

"Good hell, he just slapped sweat onto me, " Jasper yelled out in an apalled tone.

Alice fingered the moisture off Jasper's face and smelled it while rubbing it in between her fingers. "It's baby oil, honey. Not sweat. They all oiled up before they came onstage." She brought her finger back up to her face, and then gave it a quick lick.

" Well, maybe it's mixed with a little bit of sweat."

By the time Emmett and Seamus made their way out for an ancient male hula, Jasper had had enough. The boys onstage were in the middle of some suggestively slow pelvic rotations when Alice and Rose's heads were hula hooping around in time with their hips:

"Round, and round and round it goes," Rose said hypnotically.

Alice continued: "Where it stops? Nobody kno---"

"Who's the culturally insensitive one now?"Jasper crossed his arms like child who hadn't gotten his way. Normally, Alice would just tell him to stop acting like a jack ass and get back to the pelvic rotations.

.

Instead, she started rubbing his shoulders indulgently, gave him a sympathetic pout and mouthed to us: "Watch this."

She turned back towards Jasper, brushing her lips against his.

"Say it."

Jasper let out a small grin. "Which one."

"My favorite."

He scrunched up his left eye. "Um, You rock the party....."

Oh, God. Alice and her insistence to rap badly was contagious and now infecting Jasper....

"Start over. You have to commit to it. You can't dishonor MC Lyte like that."

He snickered silently, and then straightened up his face. "YOU rock the party.... that rocks my body."

Alice clapped before rewarding him with a lingering kiss. His hands clamped onto her hips almost roughly, pushing her closer into him. Alice responded with a giggle and a hip swivel in her chair.

Rose gasped. I asked her what was wrong.

"They are so having sex already, " she whispered in my ear. The first time Rose had ever used a whisper in my presence. She usually just yells everything from the rooftops.

Wait...what?

Rose shook her head at my obliviousness. "And not just missionary style beginner's sex. Like....reverse cowgirl sex. Advanced positions."

I argued with her she had it all wrong. That Jasper handled her like fine china - that just last week he would only give her chaste kisses goodnight after their date - at our door even. Rose shrugged her shoulders.

"Last week means seven days ago. No one ever said Alice wasn't a quick study."

"She would have told me." It came out defensive, maybe because it was.

"Not exactly. She may not want to make you feel uncomfortable since you aren't having sex yet."

I cocked my head in her direction. "How do you know if I'm having sex or not?"

Rose just stared at me for a long moment before letting out a laugh.

"Oh, sweet, sweet, Bella. Rose's Scale of Sextimation never lies."

Humpf.

Yes, there really was a scale to sextimate who's doing it and who wasn't. She said it was something she formulated on her own, thanks to years of watching male - female interaction behind a bar. She began with the first rule:

**Thinking every little thing your mate does is adorable. **

Apparently, Alice just ran headfirst into that one. And Rose said the hip swivel inferred other things: "But that's another lesson for another day."

"Seriously, Bella. Do you think anyone wants to hear Jasper's lily-white, Ambercrombie wearing ass rap? Do you think anyone will find it cute? Of course not. But Alice is so dickmatized at the moment, she doesn't know her up from her down. Her right from her left. Her oatmeal - y boyfriend from Kanye West. Love isn't blind, it's tolerant. But sex? Sex is blinding...."

Hmm. For the last several days Alice had been very enthusiastic. But wait...

"What's with you always calling Edward a ricecake and Jasper oatmeal?"

Rose thought for a moment, her voice going back to the shouting-from-the-rooftops-loud. "Well, I made Edward a ricecake cause he seemed more like an airhead, but he showed smarts going after you. So he's been upgraded to like...Cream of Wheat. He's oatmeal, minus the lumps."

Aw, Rose's first compliment to Edward. Even though he rolled his eyes my way in silent response.

"So, what's Emmett in the culinary scheme of things?"

Rose glanced up at him onstage, his hips full of vim and vigor as he took another pelvic stroll around the corner. "Um, how about Panda Express Orange Chicken. He's all hard on the outside, but soft on the inside. And he's sweet, but he's got some chili pepper flakes on top for spice."

Edward grimaced. "Don't encourage her," he said loud enough so Rose would hear.

I threw up a warning finger in both their directions while I stood up and walked away - my cellphone was ringing. I headed off to the exit - but not before catching Rose while she leaned into Edward:

"Just between you and me, her mom calls nonstop throughout her shifts."

I glanced back, catching Edward nodding thoughtfully before he answered softly: "Same thing at home too."

Crap.

The last thing I needed was those two to join forces - they would be unstoppable.

Sorta like Renee and me.

Renee _had_ been calling a lot lately, but that wasn't so odd. It had been just the two of us for the first 15 years of my life, and marriages and moves to Forks couldn't break that bond we had. We were still one another's best friends and sole confidantes.

Well, for the most part - with the exception of where Edward was concerned. She knew about him, knew we were dating. But I hadn't gone into depth about the extent of what Edward was to me. Part of it was my pride. My mom had always been so proud of her baby being such an army of one: a living, breathing correction of mistakes she had made in her impulsive youth. Of course she wouldn't trade her life choices ever, she always reassured me, because she wouldn't have me. But there was no way in hell she wanted to hear that I'd been swept off my feet, the same year she had been swept off her feet by Charlie.

Charlie sweeping anything off their feet was hard to imagine......

And then there was Phil. Freaking Phil. Good enough guy in his own right, but a terrible match for my mom. I knew that going in; hell, Renee knew that going in. Even as I got on the plane to head out to Washington, I made Phil promise to take care of my mom - the way she needed to taken care of. The way I had all those years.

"I promise, Bells," he shot back, with a sincere smile on his face.

He had no freaking clue what that promised entailed at the time.

He knew now, though. Which is another reason I couldn't tell my mom about what was going down with Edward. How could I tell her everything, while her marriage was on it's last breath?

So, I kept my first big secret from my mom. And I let her do all the talking instead; it was the least I could do, like some penance for having something that was being taken away from her at the same time.

"Mom?" I was outside out now, the cool evening breeze reminding me how stuffy and hot the luau hall was in comparison.

"Bella?"

Not mom. I checked the caller ID -something I rarely did anymore, since my phone was a directline for my mom now.

"Esm--" I stopped myself halfway through. While I called my mom by her first name, Edward called his "Mother." Esme sounded wrong. " Mrs. Cullen?"

She laughed and said yes. We went through the small talk routine. I told her work and school were going well, Alice seemed to be flourishing in college, that Edward was with me right now at a luau for friends--

"He's beside you right now?" Her voice sounded concerned. I told her no.

"Listen, Bella. I'm trying to figure out how to go about this."

This?

"And all I know right now is that I needed to call you first. You seem to be the one who would know best. And I need you to not mention this to Edward right now. Not yet at least, until we arrive tomorrow."

It was the weekend before Thanksgiving. Edward was heading home on Wednesday to their house. His parents had no prior plans to head down to visit this weekend.

What the hell was going on?

**xx**

**RPOV**

Bella came back with watery eyes. A first; usually she was in mother bear mode when she talked to her mom, using soothing tones and reassuring words. I mouthed if she was okay, she nodded.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

I poked her in the rib, and that got her to smile. Edward wrapped his tenacles around her as always, asking her what was wrong. He'd annoy me with all his cheesy fawning-

if it weren't for the fact Bella actually ate that shit up and asked for seconds.

As he hugged her, Edward shook his head my way.

Ew.

I can't believe we built some weird alliance together tonight. It would make it harder to call him Billy Bush behind his back now that we had a common cause.

Wait - I never bothered calling him Billy behind his back to begin with...

Bella started the Wednesday night band gigs at Casey's so that she made more money and could quit her waitressing job. But it was one month later, and she was still working several nights a week waitressing. Edward told me moments earlier he was at a loss as to why she was still working so much.

Which of course he would be at a loss - Daddy probably hooked him up with a Platinum card and a pretty pennied bank account before dropping him off at college. But Bella was from a different sort of family, one more like mine. She hadn't told me too many particulars, but I figured it out quickly. Bella learned at an early age to be self sufficient. Even more than that; self sufficient, while taking care of others around her.

"She's probably sending money back home," I finally said, when more subtle hints went over Edward's Ritchie Rich head. "She's the type."

He got all huffy and indignant about the idea of her mom accepting cash.

"And that right there, Billy, is why she keeps it from you. Just because you have never had to shell out money for your parents, doesn't mean you wouldn't do it in a heartbeat if they needed it."

That shut him up.

I told him he needed to play it smarter with her, not make it so obvious how he disapproved of how her mom I'd let him know if I thought anything else was up, and vice versa. And if Bella was getting overwhelmed in anyway, maybe we could try to get her to talk about it. She was still burning the candle at both ends when it came to school and work.

Her coming back in tears probably qualified talkey time asap.

Edward hopped up to go refresh her drink. "What's up, buttercup? Your mom okay?"

Bella just shook her head as she laughed. "Actually, that was Edward's mom."

Okay....

"What the hell did she say to you?"

She leaned in and whispered quickly, with Edward making his way back to our table. "Have you ever done something really selfish, and didn't even realize it?"

I thought for a second. "Uh, probably on an hourly basis."

Edward silenced any further hints from her end. He handed her the cup, put his arm around her, and then placed his other hand on her knee.

I tried not to laugh. She caught it.

"What's so funny?"

I leaned in so that Edward couldn't hear. "One surefire sign of sextimation is when people have their hands unconsciouisly within a one foot radius of the others' goods."

Like Oatmeal and Alice, whose hands were going for a record six centimeter radius all evening. Who knew Lumpy O. had it in him?

"Or on the flip side, how others keep their hands outside the hotzone." I nodded down at Edward's hand placement. "You haven't let him drive-thru the Golden Arches yet."

Bella scrunched her nose up at me, and raised Edward's hand up to her mid-thigh defiantly. He looked away from the stage peformers,winked at her - and then slipped his hand back down to her knee.

I gasped - the second time tonight. "Bella, he's been retrained so well. You are making him buy the whole Happy Meal before you hand him his free toy!"

**xx**

Bella was finally convinced.

"They ARE having sex. They are SO having sex! That virgin impersonator!"

It was almost midnight now, and Bella and I had clung to one another throughout the evening. Whatever she talked about with Esme was making her meek around Edward and clingy with me. And I was avoiding Emmett; every time he approached me at the luau, my eyes kept wandering down to his treasure chest of rotating wonders down south. I didn't mean to, it just happened. He was like one of those wind-up hula girl dolls that shake violently from side to side while smiling at you. I just kept anticipating his pelvis to explode into a rhythmic frenzy again at any moment and poke my eye out by accident.

But hey - if there was a way to lose an eye in style, wouldn't that be it? By a bare assed, hip swinging, pelvic thrusting Polynesian Mormon ex-priest virgin? It would make one hell of a conversation piece on your face.

Perfectly innocent, my wandering eyes and thinking - but he didn't know that the several times he saw me eyeing him south of the border. He just saw his semi-date staring wide eyed at his crotch and probably concluded I was some harlot.

Or Jezebel.

Or Hellcat.

Because Mormon virgin priests probably use classy, biblical sort of names for whores instead of the usual "skank" or "slut."

Which next to him, I probably was.

Emmett was a package deal if I ever saw one - he was even wrapped up in a bright yellow loincloth bow for me tonight. But he was more like a rare artifact on exhibition that I could admire safely behind fiber glass and a velvet rope. To actually interact with him made me feel self-conscious.

If I checked out his body for a second, did that mean I had to confess and say, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, thou hath brought out my inner whoredoms with thine fine ass?"

How does a Mormon virgin of twenty-four pelvic drill the stage half naked for five minutes straight, and NOT smoke a cigarette afterwards?

And then there were other worries. When he laughed when I yelled or cussed, was that a laugh of amusement - or of sheer mortification?

Did he know what had happened to me last year? Was I another soul for him to shine up and add to his collection because of it?

And all this obsessing over the smallest detail reminded me exactly why I hadn't tried to date for so long. I still wasn't ready.

So, I ignored Emmett and focused on Bella. I showed her everything I knew about sextimating body language - and Alice and Jasper did not disappoint. How Lumpy O., usually a quiet piece of cardboard in most situations, was suddenly getting all Pace Picante on any guy's ass who so much as took a quick peek at Alice's assets on display. He started working a crazy wonk eye at infiltrators, and then hovered his arms over her body like a cape.

"Metaphorical whizzing," Bella murmurred.

"No, that's sexual marking, dear. There's nothing metaphorical about it."

And then there was the little issue of his groin being velcro'ed to her backside anytime she stood up and walked anywhere. Or how Alice kept doing some weird, Charro-y "Coochie Coochie" hip swivel in her chair which would make Lumpy zone out.

But the true sextimating keeper? Came out of nowhere.

Alice by the end of the night had several children following her - no doubt because they probably thought between her height and weight, she was one of "their" kind. She was helping a little boy readjust the toy on his hand at one point at our table.

Or, "Spiderman-Super-Sonic-Wristband-with-web-shooting-action-up-to-twenty-feet-away" as the kid called it.

Jasper was at the dessert table, picking up some cake for Alice, when a girl approached him. It was innocent flirting on the girl's part, really. You could tell she was asking about the cake assortment, while throwing in a little jug jiggle on top.

But even with her back to them, as if she could feel foreign phermones bouncing off her man's body, Alice turned around.

"Jasper," she called out.

And like freaking Lara Croft on her best day, she swung that poor kid's arm around like a gun, and shot that motherfucking-spiderman-super-sonic-writsband-with-web-shooting-action-up-to-twenty-feet-away web outward and over......until it hit smack dab onto Jasper's groin.

Alice turned back around, and continued to talk to the child like nothing had happened. I broke the stunned silence with a loud throat clearing. She looked up innocently.

"What? I like it. So, I putta ring on it." She looked down at the kid(whose toy web needed a good Lysol spraying after that stunt), all pixie-like smiles. "A Spidey ring is the best ring of all, huh honey?"

Edward just shook his head. "Dad always did prefer taking you over me on his skeet shoot outings."

xx

Bella was finally convinced. The shoulda-putta-cock-ring-on-it display did her in.

"They are SO having sex. That virgin impersonator!"

She mouthed it to me at the bonfire we had headed to after the luau. Of course, putting all my attention on Bella at the luau made Emmett retreat subtly. He was talking to a group of friends a little down the way on the beach now. Alice and Lumpy O. were giving off their sex vibes on one log. Edward and Bella were giving off sweet vibes on another. Several couples took up the remaining logs. And me?

A single bump on a log. By myself. By my own design - like always. Which was fine most of the time, but not when you're facing a virtual love-in around you.

Bella could tell I wanted to go, but she wasn't letting me off the hook so easily. Out of nowhere, she pulled out an acoustic guitar and began to strum familiar chords on it, a smile growing on her face as she looked at me.

Fuckin' Sister-Maria-and-her-hills-are-alive-with-the-sounds-of-music ways.

"Rose and I work at the same place, and when we close shop together, we sing this song while we clean up sometimes." She nodded her head at me while I threw her a death stare. That didn't induce death, but simply made her smile more smug.

"I'll sing the verse, you sing the chorus," she said before heading in:

**I am an old woman, named after my mother**

**My old man another child that's grown old**

I was going to kill her. She knew I hated singing in public, but she also knew I hated bowing down to anything that much more. I took a quick breath before starting in when she finished the verse:

**Make me an angel that flies from Montgomery**

**Make me a poster of an old rodeo**

Alice's face lit up, as she snuggled deeper into Oatmeal. Bella was smiling like a proud mother, as Edward encased her in his arms.

I didn't look to the side, but I could feel Emmett's gaze on me while he stood with his friends.

It was like I was looking at all of them from the outside, in their couplets, their groups of friends. Smiling at me, me smiling back. And yet I wasn't a part of any of them.

I had lost count how many times I'd shared moments like these with others I'd befriended when I was younger, only to see them leave sooner then I'd like.

Everything's temporary - everyone even. Goddamned college towns suck. No one stays for long. Hell, not even mothers.

**Just give me one thing that I can hold on to**

**To believe in this living is just a hard way to go**

Bella started into the second verse, a perfect escape time. I got up quickly and began to make my way down the beach - in the opposite direction of Emmett and the rest of the Von Trapp family singers at the firepit.

I plopped down on a sand dune, watching the waves roll in and out.

Most of the time, I prided myself in this game plan of mine.

But not always.

Shit happens in life. Sometimes people you loved more than anyone fail you. Leave you behind even, to fend for yourself in a house full of testoterone. Sometimes people left behind have such a hard time coping, only a lone shadow of a parent is left to preside over a chaotic home. Sometimes older brothers leave as soon as they could too, sooner than you could handle.

Sometimes people do evil, evil things to others just because they can - and leave it for you to pick up the pieces.

Broken pieces that don't fit the same way they used to. Not yet anyways.

Shit happens.

But that didn't mean I had to run away like everyone else seemed to. I still walked down_ that _street almost daily, refusing to take another longer detour to work. I still looked after my dad, even though I moved out years ago. I worked hard and scrimped and saved for a growing nest egg, because I wasn't expecting to bartend jack asses for the rest of my life.

I stayed.

I stayed and I did the hard work of picking up the pieces.

And while most of the time I found comfort in that, it only hurt right now.

I hated to admit it, it made me feel petty and mean, when she was nothing but kind to me. But watching Alice's world right now.... so beautiful and sweet and glowing and loved...where money wasn't a consideration let alone a worry, where parents coddled and stayed up late worrying about her....and boyfriends held her purse and brought her three different types of cake, just in case she don't like the one they picked....Alice's world made me think how sometimes shit happens in concentrated form for some and not others.........

A huge, broad form settled beside me.

Emmett.

He didn't say a word, just pulled on the bottom hem of his shirt and offered it to me.

Good Lord, of course while offering me a makeshift tissue, he had to expose his Baker's Dozen Pack.

Virginwhore.

I bent over, and wiped my eyes. When I tried to raise my head, Emmett gently pressed my head back down onto his lap. I didn't fight it.

"Thanks. I think I got mascara all over your shirt." He dismissed my concern with the a wave of a hand.

"You sang beautifully back there."

I told him I sang it with my brother when I was little and he was learning how to play guitar.

"Were you two close?"

I shook my head. "No, he's kind of an asshole."

He cracked up and began to brush his fingers through my hair, and then my scalp.

I had to tell him. This was hard for him - I sensed that from the beginning. Not just because I made it hard, but because he was still adjusting to normal things again after his mission. His touch was so tenative, but I knew he was extending himself way beyond than he normally would. I didn't want him to feel silly for trying.

"I really like you, Emmett."

His hands paused for a moment, but then got back to work.

"I really like you too, Rose."

Crap, he was really green. He didn't get that positive statements in the beginning are just opening acts for negating statements for the remainder of the "show."

"That's kind of the problem. I don't want this to end up the way it always ends up."

And there really was only one way.

I braced for the hand to pause again - it didn't.

"How does it always end up?" His voice was low, cautious.

I told him a story. About a girl who from a young age understood the power of beauty. Well-behaved beauty bored her - she thought petulant good looks was preferable. And most boys agreed with her. Her appearance got their attention, her attitude kept it.

Well, for awhile at least, while the chase was still on. But chases can't last forever. Sometimes she wanted to be caught.

"How does it always end up," Emmett interrupted. He didn't want to me to cushion this, he wanted me to give it to him straight. I sat up and looked into his eyes.

"I'd finally say they could come up at the end of the night, after many nights of saying no. One beer, we always agreed, nothing more."

"I don't drink beer." He tried to take my hand - I laid it back down on his lap gently.

"They'd spend the night. And by the next morning, things would be different."

"I wouldn't ask to spend the night, you know that." I continued on, ignoring his protests that were missing the big picture.

"They'd always say they were late to somewhere or another, while dressing quickly. They'd take a raincheck on breakfast, and guzzle down the coffee quicker than they needed to - even when it was scalding hot."

"I like breakfast."

"And I'd have this smile on my face for the whole day - maybe even the next day too. Until I figured out that this was the end of something, not the beginning of it."

Wow, I think the Lifetime Movie of the Week just found it's next subject material. The girl who cried because she was so pretty,

men could never get past her bustline and cheekbones. Ugh, I swear Gisele was pulling some similar bullshit on Oprah just last week....I was such a cliche.

"I like you a lot, Emmett. And I don't want things to end any other way between us than what it is now. I like you too much for that." I jumped to my feet, gave him quick kiss on the cheek, and headed back towards the cars. I knew Bella would see, because most likely Alice and her were watching my every move like Mother Hens as we spoke.

"Rose, wait." Emmett grabbed onto my arm.

His voice had an edge of anger to it - something I'd never heard before from him.

"What does any of that have to do with me? Is that your way of letting me know you're not interested in someone like me? Because you can just say it, don't bother putting kid gloves on."

Shit. He thought that was an elaborate way of saying I didn't want to date a churchboy virgin.....that I just wanted him to be my eunuch bff.

"It's not like that at all, Emmett. It's just.." It's just what? I didn't even know anymore. "It's just that I'm tired. I just want to go home."

"Of course you're tired, Rose. You and I just drank a bunch of beer and had sex and then vowed to never see eachother again right now. That'll do you in."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"And I didn't even get to hear how our first kiss went, the best part of all."

I rolled my eyes at him, even though my traitor heart did a little flutter thingy.

"I don't drink beer. I wouldn't ever ask to come up to your apartment; at least not for those reasons. I don't even drink coffee, and I don't have sex---"

"Well, after watching you onstage today, that's just a technicality."

That got him to smile - begrudgingly.

"And I have news for you. If what we've been doing this whole time for the last month is a chase? I don't like chases. There's nothing fun about orbiting around you from a distance, because that's the closest you'll let me in."

Hmmm....

"I don't want to chase you, and I don't want just one night with you." He took a deep breath through his nostrils, and I knew this was going to get messy. I could just tell.

"I love you."

I ripped my hand away from him in exasperation. "Geesus, Joseph, Mary, and the rest of the fucking apostles!" I poked him in the chest hard with my index finger - although I wanted to slap him Cher style and tell him to snap out of it.

"Mary and Joseph were his parents, not apostles."

"See, that's the last thing I want to hear from you, Emmett. You don't KNOW me. You can't love me when you don't know me. You are projecting on me like the other guys did. Maybe not with lust, but with whatever grand fantasies you have. Maybe you see me as some spiritual project, like your very own Mary Magdeline."

Emmett didn't so much as flinch. Which of course made me realize I was being a complete bitch to someone who just told me he loved me.

"I know you Rose." He led me back to the mound we had been sitting on. He waited until I was settled again before continuing.

"Do you think my friends and I eat at Casey's three times a week because the food is actually good," he asked with a mischievous grin.

Of course not.

"That was the closest you'd let me in at that point, where we could talk for a few moments at a time. But it was the moments where we weren't talking that I got to know you most."

Creepy. Sweet, but creepy. He caught my expression and grimaced before proceeding.

"Did you know, before you get behind the bar at the beginning of your shift, you roll your shoulders and shake your head, like a boxer prepping to step into the ring?"

I looked down in my lap, shaking my head.

"And tonight, before you sat down on that log by the bonfire, you rolled your shoulders again? Where others look forward to get togethers and parties, you seem to have to steel yourself up for them."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm out of step with what's going on around me, and I can't keep up. I don't know why."

Emmett bit his lip for a moment. "I think when you survive something big, it makes you feel different. Like with my father. Sometimes, when I'm around others, especially when people are celebrating, are at their happiest, it can make me feel alone. Because I don't know if it's in me to ever feel that carefree and weightless, after what I've been through. I think it is in me, and you, to feel that again. But it takes time. And work."

He was talking about his father. But he was really speaking to me, about what I'd survived.

"Something like that," was all I could muster so I wouldn't tear up again.

"I know how hard you work just to get through things others don't think twice about. And I know you hate your job, and you don't have many people you trust."

Nevermind, tears were pooling now.

"And I know nights like this"-motioning back to the Kumbaya crowd at the bonfire -"can make you feel like you don't belong, even among friends."

He pulled up his shirt hem again and offered to me without pause.

"I know you, Rose. And I like your petulance just fine, but I love your sincere side even more. And if I could just get that first kiss, you'd see. I won't chase you, or play games, and I'll come back again everyday if you'll let me."

The whole time he spoke he'd taken my face into his palms and moved in closer.

"I haven't kissed anyone in over a year," I blurted out.

"I beat you by a year," he shot back before scooping in.

He took his time leaving small kisses on my eyes and cheeks before honing in on my lips.

Even then, he was gentle and not intrusive.

A part of me wanted to jam my tongue down his mouth, Lord knows I had fixated on his full lips since the first day I met him.

But the bigger part of me understood what he was showing me in this moment. He was reassuring me that he would take care with me.

I backed up all of the sudden, when a fresh round of concerns came into my head.

"I hate churches. Like I go inside one, and it gives me hives."

He rolled his eyes at me and kissed my left cheek.

"I'll still come back everyday if you'll let me."

Foiled again.

"I say fuck. A lot. I use it in verb, adverb, adjective, and noun forms."

He kissed my right cheek.

"I'll still come back everyday if you'll let me."

Shiiit. He totally had my number.

"And partially because I say fuck a lot, mothers always hate me."

He kissed my nose.

"You know the answer."

I went on and on, with a list full of worries - mainly so I could get a kiss and that nice little refrain said outloud again and again. At some point, he wrapped his arms around me as I melted into his chest.

He'd annoy me with all his cheesy fawning -

If it weren't for the fact I was eating that shit up and asking for seconds.

00000


	50. Saints and Debate Queens

**Chapter 50: Saints and Debate Queens**

**a/n: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry for the delay in updating, but real life has been a bit heavy and pressing. Here's a quick summary to keep in mind from last chapter that matters for this chapter:**

**1)Bella gets a call from Esme that leaves her in tears**

**2)Rose points out to Bella that Jasper and Alice are throwing off we-did-the-sexy-times vibe.**

**3)Rose and Emmett finally got together.**

xxx

**BPOV**

"Alice, you need to shut your pie hole, stat--"

She just ignored her and kept going.

"It's true! You and Emmett on the beach, sitting on that tree trunk, kissing? It was like watching a unicorn give birth to kittens and rainbows!"

Rose pointed her finger at me. "You live with this 24/7?"

"Yep, "I answered. "And tonight you are going to share the burden with me."

After the bonfire - and the first publc display of goodness and light, compliments of Rose and Emmett getting together - we carried Rose away for a sleepover at our dorm room. Alice propped up the pillows and patted her hand on the mattress, letting Rose know where she was sleeping tonight.

And it was the most comfortable option too; sharing a bed with Alice was like sleeping with a doodle drawing, she was that tiny.

"Well, I wish I could say the same for you and Jasper," Rose bit back. "But instead of laboring unicorns, I just see Alice birthing a big ass Lumpy O. baby in nine months if she isn't careful."

Alice's head jutted in Rose's direction: "Lumpy. O?"

I interrupted, silently clapping my hands. "Yeah, Rose has nicknames for both of you. She calls Jasper Lumpy Oatmeal; or Lumpy O. for short, because she thinks he's bland like oatmeal."

Alice clicked her tongue in offense.

Rose's face was all innocence: "What? It's not like I called him a bowl of shit or something. Oatmeal is nutritious and dependable. Just a little lumpy and flavorless...."

I cut off Alice before she could launch into her Jasperian defense:

"But WAIT. That's not the best nickname of them all. Remember when you shot that Spidey web straight at Jasper's crotch tonight with that kid's toy?"

Alice nodded, knowing this wasn't going to bode well for her.

"Rose christened you Deadeye Dick like two seconds afterward."

Alice couldn't appreciate her new moniker though, because she was still hung up on Jasper's.

"Why are you picking on my man? He is so not lumpy."

"I'm not picking on just Lumpy O. I nicknamed Bella's man Cream of Wheat if that's any consolation."

Alice's eyes narrowed.

"Consolation that you name my man _and_ my brother after various breakfast foods?"

Rose let out a deflated sigh. "See? This is why I spend most nights alone on a couch watching basic cable. It's like I was raised by wolves or something..."

Alice embraced Rose with one arm, while her other hand began to finger brush her hair. "You may be a bit of a wolf girl, Rose. But you're MY wolf girl. My little wolf girl with Tourette's Syndrome."

"And you're my little dickmatized China doll," Rose answered back as sweetly as was possible. Which wasn't so sweet, but she was trying.

The whole girl bonding ritual was still new for her.

Alice grinned mischievously, then whispered into Rose's ear before both pairs of eyes settled on me.

Uh oh. My turn.

"So, Bella, if I'm a dickmatized China Doll, what are you?"

Rose answered for me.

"Bella's the one doing the -matizing with Edward. She's like... the hymenatizer. Seriously, Edward's so careful around her virtue, it's like he's regrowing his hymen back with each new chivalrous gesture he pulls out of his ass."

I knew they'd bring my v-card status into this.

"It's not like that, you guys."

"Not like what," Alice asked.

"Like he's beholden to my hymen."

Rose burst out laughing and looked over at Alice: "Say that five times fast out loud.... beholden to my hymen, beholden to my hymen, beholden to my...."

Wicked little pair.

But both of them didn't understand. It wasn't my virginity that kept Edward so cautious. Not exactly.

They didn't understand everything happened to us that first day. We met, we fell for one another, we tatted up, an unspoken declaration of our falling ---and Edward turned around and fucked it all up. Just hours after I told him to be careful with me.

When he wiped my tears with his shirt later on that night on the curb outside of the club, I knew. Somehow I just knew that was the moment that he vowed to never be careless with me again.

And after talking to Esme, it was clear he made too good on that promise.

Rose's chanting broke me out of my thoughts.

"Beholden to my hymen, beholden to my hymen..."

"That was eight times fast," Alice chimed in.

I tried to stop the madness.

"It's not like that between Edward and I, seriously. He's not chivalrous with me because I'm a virgin. It's just that he sorta wasn't careful with me when we first met, and he's been trying to make up for it since then. To the point that he overcorrects."

"Overcorrects? Like how?" Rose was genuinely intrigued now.

I tried to think of an example....

"Like when we park. At IHOP." They both looked at me with blank stares.

"You know..._park_." Yes, and I was still twelve mentally and couldn't be more specific of what parking at IHOP entailed without feeling like crawling underneath my bed.

Rose scrunched up her nose in response.

'Park? Who says "park" still as a sexual euphemism? Besides the Fonz on Happy Days?'

Uh...Charlie - and therefore me.

I tried to ignore them and continue with my thought.

"When we _park_, he's just really careful and considerate with me. And not because I'm a virgin, but because he wants to make sure he's treating me right. Like even saying _please_ each time he....switches...uh, _gears_."

Rose nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, that would be overcorrecting all right, if Edward of all people is saying please everytime he tries to dip the hand into the ol' cookie jar--"

I waved my hands, letting her know I got the idea. "Rose, if you bottled all your food - sex analogies and sold them on ebay as a appetite supressor, you could retire from the world of bar and grill bartending."

Alice stole my silent hand clap, ignoring me. "Rose is right, you turned Edward into a poster boy for sensual political correctnes. Sure, he sounds like a real mood killer in the backseat of an IHOP parking lot now, but it's still really sweet. You're like the miracle worker to his romantic deaf and dumbness."

And of course she was just teasing me, but I could feel the tears coming anyways.

Rose hadn't noticed yet though: "Bella's more like a hymen rejuvenator. You and Emmett should start a farm down in New Zealand that harvests born again hymens. I hear the weather is great for agriculture."

"You kiss your priest with that mouth?" I shuddered out before completely losing it. Within a second, Alice was embracing me while I could feel Rose sit sit next to me and pat my back. Awkwardly.

"Crap, Bella, this is why I don't do slumber parties. Someone always ends up crying."

That brought on a smile, even though I kept crying like an idiot.

"Rose, it's not you at all. I love that highly inappropriate mouth of yours."

They asked me what was wrong - and I couldn't tell them. Well, not Alice anyways. Esme wanted to keep things from Alice for now. So, I used the art of distraction:

"Alice why you didn't tell me?" It came out all whiny, like someone just told me the Tooth Fairy wasn't real. And even though this wasn't the reason why I was crying, I was still smarting from the fact that she was most likely having sex with Jasper and hadn't told me.

She asked me what I meant - I explained myself.

"We've told eachother everything this whole time. I just can't believe you wouldn't tell me something big like that. "

Alice kissed me on the head like the child I was pouting like. "That's sort of the reason I didn't tell you, honey. We've told eachother everything. We've done almost everything together too. Hell, we even orchestrated base hits together."

Rose grimaced like there was no tomorrow, as she should have.

"It's just that I feel guilty, the way I've teased you in the past about not moving faster with instincts have been so dead-on for the both of you, and I don't want you to question yourself at all. Even when you have a dumb roommate who teases you about having the Second Coming arrive before you'll be ready."

And of course, that only made me keep crying, confusing the hell out of both of them.

Because they had it all wrong. Here they thought I did some sort of Beauty and the Beast makeover on Edward - tamed and civilized him into a proper gentleman. Hell, even I had been under some similar impression myself over the past couple of months.

And with just one phone call, Esme turned that assumption on its head.

Esme started it off with small talk pleasantries, but quickly got down to business once she knew Edward was out of hearing range. She wanted me to get off work tomorrow night and accompany Edward to dinner.

"We're coming in the afternoon, and will leave the next morning morning. Very quick trip. But you need to be there when Edward comes to our hotel to have dinner with us. It'll be best to have a stranger at the table to keep Carlisle in line."

Stranger?

"Oh, dear, of course you're not a stranger. But Carlisle doesn't know you well enough to be himself around you. Well, himself under these circumstances."

I made her back up, because I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Bella, Do you know what's going on with Edward right now? With school, I mean."

I thought for a second - and drew a blank. Edward was as smart and capable and organized as they came.

"Do you mean how he's doing? I'm sure he's doing fine," was all I could say before she cut me off.

"No, Bella, he's not doing fine. We got a letter notification the other day. He's failing two classes as of this midterm."

Something didn't add up - there was no sign of distress from Edward regarding his classes. None. Zip. Zero.

I asked her if she was sure that the letter was correct. She told me that she confirmed with the college before they decided to meet with Edward this weekend. Suddenly, I felt like Edward's publicist, wanting to do damage control before they actually talked to him.

"I had no clue, Ms. Cullen. But don't you worry; now that I know, I'll make sure he gets back on track. I promise. You guys don't even have to come out, I'll kick his little behind back into--"

"No, Bella, you don't understand. It's not just about school. There are other complications because of this now."

I didn't breathe for the remainder of the conversation as she gave me all the details. That while Edward had always done the work to sail through his pre-med classes, he was by no means distinguished. That Carlisle had grown concerned in the last year about Edward's intentions of going to medical school, given the fact that his academic record wasn't strong enough. How Carlisle, not a natural kiss ass (my words, not Esme's), actually had to bend over backwards to secure Edward a spot on a research project for next summer. And why did he have to bend over backwards and swallow his pride? Because said research project was being headed by some pompous hot air bagged(Esme's words, not mine) professor ---- who just happened to be on the admissions comittee of Carlisle's alma mater. Edward's first choice for med-school.

"Bella, Edward's academic record alone isn't enough to get him in. But nabbing a coveted research position with Dr. Regan this summer could help make up the difference."

And all that Edward was required to do to get this position secured? Get his transcripts sent off - and get the mid-term evaluations filled out by his professors for his current classes.

"He got the transcripts turned in at the beginning of the semester, but he's been sitting on sending in the mid-term evaluations for awhile. Now we know why."

She asked me if I had any clue what went wrong this semester - what would have caused him to mess up so badly.

"Me," was all I could answer.

Because the more I thought about the past couple months, the more everything came into focus. Edward helping me with Statistics and Spanish. Or picking me up from work at night - and walking me to my first class in the morning. Coming to hear me play on Wednesday nights, and taking me to the rehearsal room to hear him play while I did my homework.

But no memories of him doing his work, really. No "Sorry, Bella, but I've got a paper due" rainchecks on the weekends. Or the weekdays. No checking in on him in the library. Or at lab. I'd worked enough night shifts that I just assumed he was doing everything he needed to while I was at my job.

Edward had been so careful with me this whole time; trying to reassure me that he would be there for me, come rain or shine. Being there for me became more important with time - once he decided I didn't have enough support in my life.

And I didn't even know he was having trouble in school.

Shittiest. Girlfriend. Ever.

xxx

I had called Edward early the next morning, telling him we needed to talk. He couldn't come over early when I'd be home; I was working an afternoon shift at Casey's when he was finally free. He picked me up from my shift so that we could head on over to dinner with his parents.

I cut off the small talk about my day quickly.

"Your mom called me yesterday. And I promised her I wouldn't say a word, but of course I will because..."

"Woah, hold up. When did my mom call you?"

I told him during the luau; he, in turn started getting all up in arms about why his mother was making his girlfriend cry in public.

"Shh...will you listen, please? Esme and I are cool. That's not the problem. Do you know why they are visiting?"

He mentioned that his mom had to do something with Alice, that Carlisle was just tagging along for the fun of it. But his eyes narrowed, as if the wheels in his head were turning to other possibilties.

"Esme made me promise not to tell you, but I don't want you walking in there not knowing.."

"Not knowing what? And what promise?"

"About your grades." I started to tell him the "how" and the "why" of it all, but he cut me off quickly.

"If my mom made you promise, you don't need to say anymore. I'll find out the rest soon enough."

He held my hand in his and didn't say another word. But it was obvious - his mind was working at a million miles an hour trying to process what I'd said.

"You had no clue that's why they were coming then?" He shook his head.

"I was hoping to raise them by the end of the semester."

We drove the rest of the distance in silence, our only communication coming from Edward strumming the top of my hand with his finger.

As we parked at their hotel and headed into the restaurant, I pulled him to the side for a moment. There were so many questions to ask him, but now was not the time.

My arms wrapped around his neck and I gave him a playful kiss.

"Here's the game plan. The minute they spring their little surprise on you, we flash our matching tattoos to distract them. Even bad grades don't hold a candle to ill advised tattoos."

I got him to laugh as he pressed his forehead against mine. And I made a secret vow to myself in that moment - to not measure how much I gave to him in accordance to what I got back. Something I secretly did out of self preservation this whole semester. If he needed more, I'd give him more. Isn't that what he'd been doing for me all semester, even if I hadn't realized it?

"Let's do this," I whispered. He nodded, kissed my nose, and we were off.

xxx

Esme was on her feet and coming over for hugs before we made it to the table. Her voice was a little too happy. Her eyes just a littttttle too wide.

God, Esme may have been a debate queen back in the day, but she was no actress.

"And you brought Bella too, what a pleasant surprise. I thought you were working tonight."

My jaw dropped open slightly, with the inference that I just tagged along with no invitation.

She just fed me to the wolves.

Or Carlisle more like - who looked more like a pissed off Kodiak Bear on it's hind legs than a mangy wolf at the moment.

Edward was screwed.

Esme's eyes pleaded with me to play along though, so I did.

"Yeah, sorry I tagged along like this. But they had enough waitresses covering the shifts. At work. So, I didn't work. And now I'm here. Because yeah, I didn't eat dinner yet, and here you guys are in a restaurant and all, ready....to...eat...dinner."

Esme's eyes were probably wondering why they asked me to play along in the first place. Carlisle's eyes seemed to wonder if I ate too many paint chips as a child.

We sat down, Edward and Carlisle eyeing eachother the whole time, waiting to see who would make the first move.

I tried to cut the silence with the art of distraction.

"Wow, Esme, that's a really pretty blouse. It's so...flowery. You love flowers right? Like you have a lot of flowers at home? And Edward would pick them for you because...you love flowers?"

Okay, maybe I didn't have it down to an artform yet, but Esme gave me a "_thanks for trying, champ_" smile at least.

Edward's hand patted my knee underneath the table, signaling me to calm down. I saw Rose mocking me in my mind's eye for his overly chaste, overcorrecting hand placement, and shoved his hand up to my inner thigh.

His head jerked over in my direction in confusion. But my petulant expression smoothed out the worried look on his face and brought out a smile.

"Hussy," he whispered into my ear.

"Daisy picking dandy with gardening gloves," I whispered back.

And then we both started doing those annoying inside-joke-girly-giggles new couples do, which made Carlisle look like he was going to bitch slap Edward across the table, Bella or no Bella present.

"Ahem..." Carlisle interrupted, his eyes still fixed on Edward. "Esme, Alice called me earlier to see what we were all up to. If Bella and you would like to meet her for dinner somewhere else more fashionable, Edward and I can catch up with all of you later."

My giggles came back with that remark. It all seemed so foreign to me, saying things indirectly in the name of politeness.

If my dad had wanted Edward to leave the table, he would have just said, "Hey, Edward. Leave. I need to talk to Bella alone."

Who would have ever thought good old, emotionally constipated Charlie would have something over on St. Carlisle?

I had to make a choice. Either I would play along with the Cullenistic niceties, or else take it back old school, Swan style.

This one was for you, Charlie.

"IHOP is as fashionable as I get actually, Dr. Cullen. But if you would like me to leave the table right now because you want to talk shop with your family, I understand. There's a diner right next door that I could hang out at until you guys-"

My sentence trailed off as Esme gave me that "_don't get up from your chair_" look. And Edward held on harder to my thigh.

"No, Bella, whatever he needs to say to me, he can say in front of you."

"No," Carlisle cut in before I could respond," actually I can't say it in front of her, Edward."

It fell on me to be the tie breaker. Part of me wanted to make St. Carlisle happy, because that just seemed like the smart thing to do.

Don't fuck with saints, being my logic.

But come on, like it was even a contest.

"I'll stay if you want me to, Edward."

Carlisle seemed resigned to me staying, and began to unfold the cloth napkin from his plate and place it on his lap. He cleared his throat.

"Fine. I know why you've been putting off getting those mid-term evaluations in for the research position. You can't very well turn in evaluations that mention you are failing two courses; which by coincidence, are in the same area as your internship, can you?"

Edward nodded slightly, acknowledging his father's point.

"All you had to do was get your transcripts in and the evaluations filled out by your professors. That's all. I did the rest. And you turn around and do this? Do you have any idea how you just limited your options? The situation you put me in for getting you the position in the first place? Badly done, Edward. Selfishly done.."

It occurred to me that sometimes, the Cullens spoke like they popped out of a Jane Austen movie. Merchant and Ivory had nothing on their asses.

Edward just took in everything Carlisle was saying though passively.

It was weird.

Charlie and I had our share of fights as well, and Charlie was louder than Carlisle by a mile. What Carlisle was doling out was pretty mild actually.

It was always equal opportunity verbal sparring though between Charlie and I, never a one sided conversation.

But then again, I didn't have Charlie's permanent address engraved on top of a pedestal. Most sons admire their fathers; Edward venerated his.

"Maybe it wasn't even choices on your part. That's too deliberate. You have a history of making choices by not making choices, just letting things happen carelessly. Selfishly."

Esme's eyes narrowed at this point; and all of the sudden, I got the distinct feeling my presence was not just for Carlisle's behavioral benefit, but Esme's as well. She grabbed his arm like she meant business and whispered something into Carlisle's ear.

"But it is selfish," Carlisle responded to her unheard comment, completely unrepentant.

And if there was a word of the day for this episode of "Carlisle Verbally Rips Edward A New One," it was "selfish."

And I got his father's point. I really did. Edward had made some critically stupid choices in the last couple months. Put his father out. Put himself out in terms of future plans. But at the same time, I didn't like hearing Sainty characterize him like that.

Not the Edward I'd been hanging out with all semester.

"Your grades were middling before this year, they are falling off the chart this semester, and you said yourself you aren't ready for the MCAT in April. You needed this internship to attempt to get into any of the schools you've mentioned in the past. And you threw away that possibility when you threw away this semester doing God knows what. It's so wasteful. So selfish- "

And that's when it fell out of my mouth.

"Oh my God, I swear if you call him selfish one more time, I'm going to scratch my eyes out."

And since I couldn't put it back into mouth and take it back, more things started falling out. Left and right.

"I'm not justifying what he's done in anyway, Dr. Cullen. In fact, if you want to kick his ass for slipping up with his classes, get behind me, because I'm first in line. But don't call him selfish. If you need anyone to own that title, it's me."

I was met with silence. Wide eyed silence that made me wonder if saying "ass" in front of saints and debate queens was prohibited. And why did I go with scratching my eyes out for a threat? I was one of those people who should never venture out into public speaking without notecards....

"I started school in September and was getting my ass kicked with work and classes and I didn't know any other way of making ends meet than to work a million hours at a million different, shitty jobs--"

Edward's eyes got wider; but his lips were curving suspiciously, as if they wanted to smile....

"And then Edward comes along and I swear to God, you guys need to buy him some bi-focals, because when he looks at me he sees some girl who can do anything, like start a band and actually play for money even though my guitar skills are this side of shitty--"

Yep - definite smile on his face.....And even though I usually avoid swearing in front of parents, I was just going for blue collar cussing broke now in front of Dandy Central....

"And I would still be working sixty hours a week and getting zero sleep if it wasn't for him pushing me to do things differently and supporting me when I took that leap. And if it wasn't for him, I'd be failing Statistics right now, and not understanding verb forms in Spanish, and I'd still be pretending like I didn't need any help and I could do it all on my own and I'd have the shittiest dark circles underneath my eyes the whole time I was pretending.."

And of course, his smile was contagious, so my lips were spreading upwards now too. But the next part I was about to say made me want to cry at the same time...

"And it never occurred to me for one minute there was a price he was paying for all those "_if it wasn't for hims_." So, yeah, he's made some bad choices and he has been careless in some ways. But do not say for one minute he was being selfish this semester because nothing is farther from the truth..."

My voice trailed off right there, because I just realized I was threatening a saint. A saint who saves entire countries from measles and natural disasters. A saint who was looking at me with the most befuddled look on his face.

The only thing that kept me from melting into a grease stain right on the floor was Esme - and the wry smile she was giving me at the moment.

"And I'm going to go now. Because I think Edward should to talk to you alone, St.....Dr.....Carlisle."

Busted.

"And I need to go to the restroom so that I can go remove the foot from my mouth."

That comment made Esme's head tweak to the side. Which made me feel like I should explain myself better. Maybe Rose's all-purpose excuse would work..

"It's like I've been raised by wolves sometimes..."

Which only made Esme's head tweak even more - a definite sign that I needed to shut up.

Like five minutes ago.

I got up quickly - Edward held onto my hand tightly. I bent over and kissed it before letting go and heading towards the entrance.

"Bella!"

I turned around, ready to fend off any pleas for me to stay.

Instead, Edward just stood there, with a big shit eating grin on his face.

"That was the most amazing......"

Example of courage?

Vision of grace?

Display of oratory skills, rivaled only this century by the likes of Martin Luther King?

"....case of verbal diarrhea. Ever."

I groaned as I buried my head into his chest. He held me tightly, swaying side to side.

"Oh, God, I'm dead to your dad now. The minute I threatened to scratch my eyes out, I was dead to him, I could tell...."

"Shhh..." he managed out between silent chuckles, " Naw, my dad was trying not to smile when you walked away right now."

I peeked out the side of his chest - Esme was whispering into Carlisle's ear. Sure enough, Carlisle had a slight smirk on his face.

"Wow; well, at least I loosened up the crowd for you, huh? No tattoo flashing required even."

Edward peered over in their direction and nodded.

"Thanks. That was very chivalrous of you. And sweet."

I scrunched one eye up his way. "Hey, no one talks to my Dandy that way. I'll cut a bitch up, saint or no saint."

He held me for a little longer, trying to coax me back to the table. He couldn't pay me to go back there after my tantrum though.

"Your dad deserves to talk to you in private before he leaves." Edward agreed, but I could tell he wasn't looking forward to it all coming out now.

Whatever "it" was exactly.

After a good luck kiss and a promise to him that I'd stay close so we could leave as soon as possible, he headed back to the table.

I wandered out into the lobby, imagining I had an hour to kill before Edward would be done. He gave me his parents' room key in the case I wanted to hang out in their suite. That sounded like a bust. All I needed was for Carlisle to come back to his room, only to find me plopped on his bed, eating seven dollar Snickers Bars from the hotel mini-fridge and watching HBO on the flat screen.

There were some fancy schmancy shops to the right. But the tennis oufitted mannequins in the window were a good sign that even window shopping over there would be no fun. To the left was the entry way towards the gym and spa area.

And then there were the different stations right in front of me.

Concierge.

Guest Services.

Valet.

Express Check- Out.

.

.

.

Express Check- In.

I thought for a moment, what exactly would happen once Edward was done. We had a lot to talk about. And what were my options really, for having that talk? His apartment was a complete privacy-free zone. My dorm wasn't much better, since Alice would be home right now. Which meant we'd probably head to IHOP by default.

Effing IHOP. The land of politically correct sensuality, as Alice it put it, where saying "Please" was always on the menu.

I walked up to the lady behind the desk. And I knew I was going to pay for this later. Literally - as in extra shifts at Casey's, and not having enough money to send my mom at the end of the month. Because these rates, even for single occupancy, were damn expensive. One night's stay equaled half of my mom's mortgage payment.

But not ten minutes later, my credit card was maxed out and I was heading to my own suite to set up shop for Edward and I.

Just to talk, I told myself.

All the while cursing that I was wearing hi-cut cotton briefs instead of one of those lacey numbers Alice had commanded me to wear at all times.

Just in case.

xxxx


	51. The Fig Newtons Test

**Chapter 51: The Fig Newtons' Test**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

a/n: I LOVE MY REVIEWS. LOVE THEM. LOVE YOU FOR WRITING THEM!

a/n: _This is the first part of a two part chapter_. I'm halfway done with the second part, but it was getting WAY too long, and I needed to break it up in two halves. I'll have the second part out within the next three days or so.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Bella:**

Alice.

I should have gone with Alice. She seemed the more embarrassing of the two to call initially, but now? Now I knew better.

Never bet against Alice.

"Are you still there, Bella?"

Yes, I was, sighing into the phone.

"Don't sigh my way, Ms. Thing. You called me, remember?"

Why did Rose have to remind me?

It was a simple request on my end - please bring me a pair of clean underwear. Like five seconds ago.

Preferably the pretty, blue, lacey number that still had its tags on in the lower right corner of my top dresser drawer.

And maybe that satiny blue camisole that I've yet to wear in the upper left corner. And of course my Body Butter, because if I'm wearing a cami, I needed moisturized elbows....some mouthwash wouldn't hurt.....or my eyelash curler for that matter...

"Hold on, why do I need to bring all this to you? Where are you," Rose asked suspiciously.

I went into the specifics as fast as I could. How I just verbal diarrhea-ed all over my boyfriend's father --

"The D.I.L.F. who saves small countries from Malaria?"

Yes, the very one.

How Edward was in the middle of a familial Spanish Inquisition downstairs as we spoke. How I got us a room at the hotel they were dining at, waiting for the Inquisition to be over so we could talk.

In ugly Bridget Jones granny cotton briefs no less, that sat so high on my waist, they covered my belly button.

"Ew," Rose verbally winced into the phone.

Thus the request, Rose. Thus the request.

"Why do you need a change of underwear to talk though, Bella," her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Just in case," I shot back a little too loudly. "Good lord, we're never alone. Ever. Maybe once, just once, without the IHOP bus boys trying to peek into our windows while pretending to take the garbage out in the parking lot, I'd like to be alone with Edward...in undies that my mom wouldn't approve of."

"Oh, God, Bella, this is you attempting pity sex, isn't it? Because you diarrhea-ed all over the DILF? A good, seasoned steak would have been just as effective for an apology - and less patronizing to Edward."

"No --- it's not a pity thing... At least I don't think so. I just want to be...prepared. For whatever happens."

"Well, wouldn't the Boy Scouts of America be proud of you. Maybe you can help an old lady cross the street after you have prepared pity sex with Billy Bush."

She began to interrogate me in ways that would make Jack Bauer blush.

Whether I was doing it for the wrong reasons. Whether I was even ready practically for "whatever happens."

"You know, you can call the concierge for some condoms. You spend that kind money on a room, that's the least they can do - supply the giftwrapping. Hell, ask them to send up a can of Silly String while they're at it."

Huh?

"Spermicide foam, silly. Double that protective bubble."

She interrogated me about whether I was ready mentally too.

"You do realize, Bella, your boyfriend has you on a pedestal. He's scared shitless of you."

I did. That pedestal had been his way of showing me I was different and special to him. But pedestals were for Grecian Urns, not for girlfriends.

"And if you are preparing to take things further, you will have to make the first move? The sunbeams radiating off your virginity just paralyze him."

I heard a snort in the background. I asked her what it was.

"Nothing," she answered dismissively.

"How far have you two even gone so far? You know, there's no need to rush things if you haven't rushed them so far. Don't let a hotel bill determine your choices, Bella."

My inner SAT studying-on-a-Friday-night-high-school-geek attempted to the answer the question as clinically as possible...

"We haven't had sex....sexual intercourse."

She tried to not laugh on the other end: "What about Oral? Anal? 'Cause I know a lot of virgins whose virginity is purely geographical."

Another snort.

"No to the former and the latter inquiry.....who's there with you?"

"No one. Continue."

"We've..." God, Charlie's repressive sexuality gene was making this conversation impossible for me..."hand manipulated one another....to climax."

Rose's pent up laughter broke through finally. "Bella, whatever you do tonight. Don't attempt any dirty talk. 'Cause zingers like those are one surefire way to make his penis invert into itself. Like a turtle contracting into it's shell for shelter ---"

"Alright! Nix any further food or animal sex analogies for me. I don't have time for your pervy Dr. Phil-isms."

"Okay,okay," she answered, trying to compose herself. "So we're talking...dueling banjo masturbation here, then?"

Great-I forgot to mention to nix the musical instrument sex analogies as well.....

"Is it dueling banjo masturbation? Or mutual masturbation - like a duet?"

Come again?

"Are you taking care of his banjo for him while he's plucking yours or is he fiddling solo while you watch---"

"Rose..." a low, regulating tone spoke out from the other end.

A low tone that sounded almost fatherly.

If your father was some really hot, Kiwi sounding---wait.....a...minute.....

"ROSE. Do not tell me....do not tell.....me...Emmett is listening in on our conversation!"

"Then I won't, " she said casually. "But he's totally cool - don't even worry about it."

Her voice got softer, almost sweet sounding, as she added, "He's making me dinner right now."

Her mouth got closer to the phone still and she Rose-whispered(which was still too loud for a regular whisper): "if you can call canned corned beef a viable meal option.."

A hot assed, disapproving hiss called out from the background.

"I kid, I kid..." she recanted, her voice being thrown in his direction. "I love my meat canned and pasteurized...Mmmm...."

"What do you mean don't worry? The last time I talked to him about Edward, he gave me this sermon on grace and forgiveness. And you're talking about dueling masturbation in front of him now! God, Rose, badly done!"

Shit. That Cullen-family-I-just-stepped-out-of-Jane-Austen-movie phrases was rubbing off on me.

I could hear the phone shuffling and Rose's voice in the background: "She's all embarrassed now. Let her know it's okay, do that big brother thing you do so well....Give her a confession thingy too, and some Hail Mary's while you're at it 'cause she'll need them after tonight..."

"NO! ROSE! STOP!"

But it was too late - I could hear the phone being handed over and Emmett letting out a slight sigh: "Bella?"

"Hi, Emmett," I answered, trying to mask as much mortification as possible.

"Uh..." He paused for a moment. "Listen, I know this is awkward. But we just want to help you with whatever you need right now."

We.

He called Rose and him "we." And Rose wasn't even gagging in the background or anything.

Sigh.

For a slight moment, I forgot my current dilemma and hallucinated over unicorns birthing four leafed clovers and cotton candy.

Emmett cleared his throat and brought me back down to earth.

"So, Bella, there's this sign on the top of our kitchen entryway that we had to look at every time we re-entered our house. It read "Return With Honor..."

Okay.

I spoke too quickly - Rose's gagging reflex was making its presence known on the other end now. I could barely hear her whisper to Emmett:

"If this is a Mormon infomercial that ends with offering Bella a Book Of Mormon hand-delivered to her hotel room by two boys in white shirts and cycling helmets, give the phone back to me."

They both exploded in laughter. Then they spent the next minute joke-fighting over who should talk next. Rose won apparently, since Emmett got back on the phone.

"Here's the thing, Bella. I know you don't want to be preached to. And you don't even need any preaching - you have something inside you that's made you wait until now before...going...forward in.....this area."

Holy hell, apparently Charlie's Repressed Sexuality gene gets around.

"True story Emmett - that _something _that made me not move forward in _this_ area was my frizzy poodle hair in high school. Works better than a chastity belt."

"I doubt that, Bella. I have a feeling you chose the path you did so far, it wasn't chosen for you."

If I was being truthful, it was true. No boys had ever come along that interested me much, let alone made me want to be with them, in a variety of ways.

Not until Edward.

"All I'm saying Bella, is just make sure you're choosing your path still; that you are doing what you want, and not just to prove something. Edward, of all people, wouldn't expect anything less from you. And now I'm going to stop..... before it becomes impossible for us to ever talk face-to-face again...."

That wasn't so bad. Not bad at all. Charlie usually just stumbled over his words and got red in the face when the subject even teetered around sex. Renee brought out the google imaging of gential warts to bring home her point.

But Emmett - he actually reasoned with me.

Maybe a part of me initially got the room out of guilt - wanting to try to make up bonus points quickly with Edward after finding out how much he had done for me at his own expense. That definitely had shades of proving myself.

But right now, in this very moment, the biggest part of me just wanted to be with Edward. Not even in a sexual way exactly, I just needed him right now.

And he needed me.

"Bella?" Emmett's voice sounded slightly concerned since I hadn't answered yet.

"Your sisters are very lucky to have you. And so is Rose."

In his best Rose whisper impersonation(which could be heard easily from across the room), Emmett replied, "Rose really is the luckiest of them all."

"I heard that," Rose yelled out.

"No. I **let** you hear that," Emmett shot back, full of cheeky swagger.

"Ha, Rose got pwned!" And I had a feeling underneath the scowl she was most definitely wearing right then, a smirk was laying right beneath the surface.

"Well, you two kids should get back to celebrating now with your canned corned beef. Heck, break out some Spam while you're at it, Emmett--"

"Don't encourage him, Bella!"

I heard her take the phone now and shush him out of the room for some privacy: "Bella, call me if you need anything. Even if I make you cringe, call me. Be smart, okay? And if you aren't sure what you want to do, there's always the Fig Newtons test."

The Fig what?

"Yes, the Fig Newtons test, silly. I know we've talked about this before."

I was drawing a complete blank.

"No you haven't. And what does cookies have to do with this?"

"Not Fig Newtons, Bella. HIS _Fig Newtons_. His Oreo double stuffs. His Chicken Mcnuggets. His Smack and Crackle, minus the Pop..."

Silence on my end.

"His balls, Bella. The Fig Newtons test is the best indicator to see if you are ready to sleep with someone."

"Oh, hell, Rose, this has shades of your sextimation scale, you fustrated social psychologist you..."

She snorted indignantly.

"Yes, the VERY sextimation scale that knew within moments that your roomie and her oatmeal were bumping uglies. But enough about my other successes. Here's the recipe for your success tonight: if you can look at a guy's balls, and not laugh, because let's face it, they are lopsided and goofy looking--"

"Rose, stay on point-"

"Fine, if you can look at a guy's balls, and not laugh, it's a good sign you are ready to do the deed with him. It either means you are horny enough to overlook the comically dangling Fig Newtons; or else, you love him enough where the Figs actually seem as attractive as the rest of him."

I couldn't help but laugh - Rose needed to come with her own glossary.

"You are sick. And twisted. Half the the things you say make me lose my appetite. And I don't think I could love you anymore than I do in this moment, dear Rose. I'll keep the Fig Newtons Test in my backpocket tonight."

**xxx**

Edward texted me a few minutes after I got off the phone. He said he'd be done in fifteen minutes. I told him to hurry to his parents' room ahead of them - and gave him our suite number instead.

No time for any panty exchanges.

I jumped in and out of the shower quickly. Tried to moisturize with the .00000012 ounce of lotion they portion you with in those stupid little complimentary bottles.

And then I did what Rose had told me earlier on the phone when I worried she wouldn't have enough time to bring me my essentials.

"Just don't wear anything," she said. "Drop the panties. And the bra too. Guys prefer skin anyways."

"Easy for you to say, Rose. You've got the boobs and the legs and the Goldilocks hair. My body wasn't meant to be naked."

Rose let out a drawn-out sigh.

"Oh, shut up, Bella. You're eighteen, have a perky ass, breasts that practically bump into your chin they are so anti-gravity, and your boyfriend stands front and center during your performances every week, sporting a chubby. It's never going to get better than need to own the fact you have the sexual power in the relationship."

I drew a hot bath for us, trying to take advantage of the olympic-sized bathtub in my suite. I scoured the closets, looking for one of those complimentary hotel robes you see in movies. Which I hoped turned out to be a truth instead of a myth.

My family, on the two occasions that we actually vacationed, stayed at places like "Econo-Lodge," where you were lucky if you got an ice machine on your floor and wall paper that was consistent throughout the suite.

"Bingo." A deluxe, extra soft, extra fluffy white bath robe was just waiting for me on a hanger in the bedroom.

Rose reminded me I didn't want to chance it looking like Heath Ledger's Joker if I drew a bath - so I washed off all my makeup.

I could only look at myself for a couple of seconds in the mirror when I was done.

No makeup. No undergarments to enhance and lift and seperate.

"That's what the bathrobe's for I guess," I murmured back in my reflection.

Now if only the complimentary shower cap could cover my all - too bare face.

Someone knocked on the door. I sucked in a deep breath and answered.

Edward looked exhausted. His smile widened when he saw me, although his eyebrows questioned what I was up to.

"Hey, " I said breathlessly while pulling him into the hotel room and shutting the door. His ears were alerted to the running water in the bathroom as he looked in its direction.

"My parents are coming up in a second, you know," he added, completely confused at this point.

"Good thing they are heading to their room instead of ours, then."

I pushed him into the bathroom, shh-ing any attempts to worry how I acquired a room. When the words "please let me pay for this at least" came out of his mouth, I finally laid down the law while unbuttoning his shirt.....with hands that were acting as if they were in the middle of a caffeine withdrawal, the way they were trembling:

"I swear to God, if you use the word _please_ one more time tonight, I'll scratch my eyes out."

The Cullen men really reacted to threats of eye scratching it seemed, because that shut him up. Only his eyes did the talking now as I unzipped his pants, popping out of his head like a Warners Brother cartoon.

"Look, Edward, I don't really know what I'm doing right now, I'm not going to lie to you. I don't even know what I'm going to do. But we never have any privacy, and there's so much we need to talk about. I just wanted to be alone with you for once and we can go from there, okay?"

He nodded soberly as I pushed his pants and boxers off.

And of course I'd seen him more or less unclothed in one configuation or another when we were stuffed in the back of his Volvo late at night. But never like this - it almost ached to look at him. Ached to the point of resentment, because the more clothes he shed, the more bathrobes I wanted to pile onto myself.

It wasn't just that he was fit, toned. Without an ounce of fat. It was all so_ damned _symmetrical. Even his ab muscles mirrored eachother perfectly on both sides.

Bastard.

As his perfectly sculpted ass slid into the water, and he was bending over, his skin never overlapped. Not once. And this was all under the garish, merciless gaze of bathroom fluorescent lights.....

_that would soon be gazing on me next_.....as Edward watched on expectantly from the tub.

I wimped out - my ass I had the power, Rose. Maybe the power to flash him as a way to make his penis do that hiding turtle trick she talked about earlier.

"Close your eyes. Please," I pleaded quietly. He obeyed without another word.

I walked up to the other side of tub, hoping I could obscure his view better with distance. I laid the robe as closely as possible to the edge and slid in quickly. The water was hot, thank goodness.

But so very, very clear. And transparent. And see-through.

"It's so bright in here. God, these lights. They're blinding," I muttered, noticing that not one, but four huge, long halogen lights ran their length across the whole ceiling.

Edward simply smiled, and patted his hand over to the side of him. "Come over here, you're like three states away on that end over there.."

But I couldn't process what he was saying - my mind was fixed. Stuck. Frozen.

"I mean, what kind of fucking light bill does the hotel get from the bathrooms alone? Good lord, they could light up a whole stadium easily..." My body sank even lower into the tub until it hit my chin.

Wasn't I the temptress of all temptresses.

Edward shook his head at me while he laughed silently. "You want me to dim the lights for you? They are a little bright."

I nodded with a grateful grin, knowing he understood that I was feeling uncomfortable.

If only he could have humored me with a beer belly, or a hairy back instead. That would have been way better than dim lights.

He turned around and got out of the bath and headed straight for the switch. He moved the dial to the right, dimming the lights until it was dusk-like in the room.

"Wow, they don't have those kind of customized light switches at Econo-Lodges," I blurted out.

"What?"

But I didn't have time to clarify for him - because I was too busy watching him walk back to the tub casually. In all his male glory.

And how glorious it was.

Because Rose's stupid Fig Newton test popped into my head right at that moment.

Completely unaware of my scientific scrutiny, Edward stepped back into the tub, all smiles and wet slickness. He winked my way while using his index finger to beckon me over.

And I realized her test's a) and b) answers were lacking a c) option. Where she only allowed for horniness to make you overlook the newtons or else love to make you blindly adore them.

Because while checking out the Figs, about two things I was absolutely positive.

First, I was unconditionally in love with Edward. And yes, that made every inch of him beautiful to me.

Second, there was a part of me----and I didn't know how dominant that part might be, but I was betting my ass it was a mighty big part since suddenly my nakedness was the furthest thing from my mind---- that thirsted after his hot naked ass.

Horniness + Love? The equation for Option C).

Forgive me Father Emmett, for I will sin.......

**xxx**


	52. Bella's An Excellent Test Taker

**Chapter 52: Bella's an Excellent Test Taker**

a/n: Thanks lovelies, for all the reviews! This chapter was getting so long, I chopped off the last part of them actually having a heart to heart and will just put it in the next chapter. So just know--yes, they did actually have a talk that night!lol

a/n: The fanfic author auction raised over 25,000 bucks last weekend for Stacie! Crazy, right? Thanks to **Nina **for being the high bidder on my auction! She's a peach and a half! Thanks so much to the following bidders/and/or/comedians too who made my thread oh-so-special and clever and full of quips: Sweetcappi-corn75, DHLK, Miss Ryss, Savage Juno, Bethaboo, Tisci, writereaderstories, dreamerofstories, vampy, ladymoonglo, AugustDawn, pwtf, jfly,ECyesplease, Autumn Dreamer, and neveryoumind!

a/n: _Chonies_: Spanish slang for undies

xxxx

**Bella**

**STRIKE ONE**

Five minutes into Operation-Bella-Takes-Her-Chonies-Off, and I already had one strike against me for making Edward close his eyes when I got into the tub.

And I had been hitting popfly fouls left and right ever since.

What was the point of no chonies if he was never going to see the goods? Not that he could see the goods from his vantage point anyways, I was still staying put on the other side of the tub.

"Instead of hanging out in Siberia over there, why don't you sit on my lap? Side saddle of course," he added with mischievous grin. "You'll be more comfortable."

I couldn't understand for the life of me why Edward was worrying about my comfort levels. Other than the fact that I was compulsively opening all the micro-sized bottles of shampoo and liquid soap on the side of the tub and shaking them into the water. Edward was in the middle of telling me about his parents' big ultimatum speech ---

and all I could focus on was agitating up as many bubbles around me as possible.

I relented to his request, walking on my kness across the huge tub in an attempt to stay submerged. I knew he wanted to crack up, I could see it in his eyes. But he kept a composed smile on instead to make this easier for me.

To show good faith, I straddled him face forward on his lap, side saddle be damned - all the while attempting to block any unintentionally gential jigsaw puzzling. Edward fanned out his hands across lower back and leaned me in for a brief kiss.

"Much better," he murmured against my lips.

He was right - this was much more comfortable. I didn't feel so exposed this close to him. What I wasn't comfortable showing off, I was at least comfortable having him feel. He always commented on how soft my skin was.

I leaned in and rested my head onto his shoulder.

"What are you thinking right now? I can almost hear those little wheels turning." His voice was careful, anticipating.

Do I lie and reassure him? Or do I tell the truth and risk being one of those annoying girls who sounds like she's fishing for compliments?

Ugh.

"I wish I had some tig ol' bitties for you to play with right now. Big boobs in a spa are like the adult male equivalent of a rubber ducky. Comfortng and entertaining," I joked. Well, not not really, it was the truth. But I tried to phrase it in the form of a joke at least, for maximum entertainment value.

Which actually worked, because his shoulders began to shake from silent laughter.

"You have no idea."

What?

"You have no idea." But he wouldn't elaborate - he only laughed harder as he clasped his hands together behind my back.

"Well, give me an idea, then."

He shook his head defiantly: "No, because you won't listen anyways. I could repeat it until I was blue in the face, and you'd still not believe me."

"Please," I prodded, throwing my head to the side, trying to look as alluring as possible by letting my bangs fall over my eyes.

He had a thing for that - and liked to comb them back with his fingers.

Edward remained unmoved, however: "Hey, your rule, remember? No _pleases_ allowed tonight."

The bangs weren't enough. I'd have to work harder.

"Tell me."

"No."

I bent over and sucked his ear lobe into my mouth, before flicking it with my tongue a couple times for good measure.

Edward's reaction was immediate: head twitching to the side, mouth sucking in air through clenched teeth, hands gripping onto my hips tightly.

"Please," I asked once more with a innocent smile, which only garnered a snort from him.

"See, you are so full of bullshit, Bella. You love acting like you don't know what you're doing; but the minute you see a challenge, you pull out all the stops like a pro: sucking, licking, grinding. I've got your number now, don't deny it."

"I _don't_ know what I'm doing. I just become more resourceful when faced with adversity."

He rolled his eyes.

"Tell me what I have no idea bout."

He sized me up with a sly grin.

"Fine. You had no idea that your breasts were the first thing that got my attention when I met you."

I looked at him like he was from Mars. "How? Were you looking at them through a magnifying glass? Or binoculars?"

He continued as if I hadn't even spoken:"You weren't wearing a bra, that first day I met you, under your little black dress. I kept sneaking peeks while you talked to Alice."

I gave him a slap on the shoulder, which he answered with a playful kiss.

"And then I noticed your lips, hair - and those eyes, and legs. And how you smelled so good when you leaned in to shake my hand. It took everything I had not to jump you in the middle of that room in front of Alice."

I would never understand what filter he saw me through - it didn't make any sense.

"I went straight home, enlisted Jasper for my cause, got him to hold Alice unknowingly captive in our room for three hours, and then headed back over to your dorm.I had some very, very bad things in mind for you when I walked through your door that night, if you were up for it."

My opened jaw and wide eyes humored him immensely. "I had no idea, honestly. I thought you just stopped by and was doing what you do to anyone with a vagina."

He tried to look indignant, yet he knew I had a point.

"But then you looked right through my attempts and laughed at them. And told me I had a corny smile and made me laugh at myself. And before I knew it, we were spooning on top of your covers as you fell asleep. And I left knowing I wanted more than what I had come for earlier."

We both smiled now as I eased into his embrace.

"And you know what's so damn fustrating, Bella? It's the most natural thing for me to want you - I wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you. And it's the very thing you doubt most."

I didn't know how to answer him, because he got straight to the heart of the matter: a lot of my insecurities had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with myself.

"I can fake out everyone else here at college, " I confessed. "But just one look from you is like getting a truth serum shot. I can't hide anything from you, especially the fact that I don't feel any different from the girl with bad hair who blended into the school walls last year. I don't get why you want me sometimes."

Edward lifted my chin so I was looking at him now:

"Let High School Bella go. I know she served you well, I know she's the reason you are who you are today. She's made you a fighter; and someone who can't bear seeing someone in pain, because she knows a little about pain herself.

But you've outgrown her. You aren't gangly and frizzy-haired and awkward aren't uncoordinated and shy and overlooked anymore. High School Bella turned into a swan without even realizing it. Let her go."

He kissed me fervently, as if he was trying to exorcise Her right through my lips, and I wanted to cry. I knew he was right; and yet, it was so hard to change when I'd recognized myself in those terms for so long.

But something funny happened along the highway to self-introspection -

Edward distracted me with his lips. And his tongue pushing up and around mine.

And those piano fingers. The biggest distraction of them all, as they wrapped around the top of my thighs, both thumbs slowly stroking their way inward, to the place I wanted them most.

It was like a match being lit by a blow torch once they made their destination. My body responded, even if my mind was still five steps behind. Both hands locked around the back of his neck, while I scooted in closer to his touch.

Edward's hands grabbed onto me abruptly, stopping my movement.

"Bella.... baby---what do you want? Cause we need to slow it down otherwise..."

His voice was hot against my ear, and it emboldened me.

"Let's go to bed."

But didn't embolden me quite enough:

"Can you hand me my robe," I squeaked out as Edward stood dripping wet in front of me on the tile floor, waiting for me to jump out.

Baker's Dozen. The man had a a baker's dozen six pack. Like two six packs plus a spare just hanging out for the hell of it down near his hip bone.

So unfair. I couldn't even do situps without someone weighing my feet down.

He picked up my robe without a word and held it up high for me as I stood up. I threw my arms into the sleeves and closed it while getting out of the tub, hoping he didn't notice my shaking hands.

I wanted this. I loved him. But I'd never been good with admitting to not knowing what the hell I was doing.

This was one instance where I wouldn't be able to bullshit my way through something. And it scared me to death, because I didn't want to come up short.

Not tonight.

Shoot me, but I liked getting things right the first time out, and things weren't looking promising so far.

He knew I was nervous, and reassured me that nothing was set in stone. That we could do as little or as much as I wanted. When he was unable to get me to smile with his reassurances, he turned his back to me.

I thought he was just trying to make me feel bad by displaying his ass of steel or something.

"No, silly. Hop on my back," he corrected. I obliged and he piggybacked me to the bed.

He threw me onto the bed like a sack of potatoes - of course I fell ungracefully with my legs spread up and out into the air. We both laughed as I rolled back up right and sat on my knees, attempting to close my bathrobe.

"No," he interrupted, "wait." Edward crawled onto the bed, sitting up on his knees too, facing me. I envied how easily he moved around naked, just rockin' with the hard cock out like that.

I couldn't even be naked by myself with a mirror.

"Wait." Edward took my hands away from the robe, allowing both sides to part down the middle. He gave me a mischevious smile as his finger ran down my exposed skin, starting at my collarbone down in between my breasts, past my bellybutton.

And then he went off course, fingering my robe open to the side, until he found my tattoo.

"There you are," he whispered as he leaned downward, his lips making soft contact with the red clover. Edward kissed it softly several times, making no other contact, as I got used to him and me and the partial nudity deal. He was being so careful, never advancing until I gave an unspoken go-ahead.

When I began to relax, his left hand grabbed onto my right hip as he began to lick and suck my tat with more force.

The weight of his grip was making it hard to keep my balance while he gnawed away on the other side. But I couldn't move at all, because my robe was pinned too tightly underneath my knees.

I didn't have a choice - it was either throwing off my robe like a big ol' hussy. Or else losing my balance, and toppling onto Edward's lowered head.

Chonies-less.

I eased out of the robe as demurely as possible, trying not to gain any attention from Sargent McSucky down below. But as the robe fell and pooled around my hips, Edward froze. He looked up slowly, like he was trying to read my mind.

And I was so glad he couldn't in that moment, because all he would have found was me trying to figure out how to regain my balance while maintaining a position that didn't involve any skin overlap.

The only way to avoid skin overlap, while still sitting on my knees, was to fall backwards onto my arms as they landed on the mattress just behind my back. I checked out my bod to see if this pose was working. And I was somewhat pleasantly suprised- my arched back was making my tummy look superflat, and my boobs were jutting out all perky - like.

That was the upside.

The downside was my crotch reflexively thrusted out, almost smacking poor Edward in the face. Which could be easily remedied, I imagined, if I just eased my hips back slightly--

But Edward's face froze my body and plans in place, because he looked off kilter. His breathing was all heavy and weird. And he looked all twitchy as he kept looking back between my boobs and my in-his-face crotch.

Not twitchy in an allergic way, either. Twitchy like....he had an itch to scratch...and I just served him up the pelvic equivalent of a backscratcher...

Whoa.....wait a minute....

"Bella," he blurted out with an odd sense of gratitude.

I looked on, equal parts mortification and horror, as Edward spread my legs apart and just.....dove in, like a fat kid at an all-you-can-eat buffet dessert table.

Face first.

And before I could speak up, I had a series of extremely inappropriate questions pop into my head:

1)What scent were all those bath bubbles I just worked into a frenzy in the spa right now? Was it a pleasant scent at least? Because he's got his nose where the sun don't shine right now...

2)Were his closed eyes a bad sign? Like he was sucking it up and biting the bullet to get me loosened up for the main act later on, and he didn't actually want to do it?

What the hell, I think he did just suck down there....

"Edward, wait! Please....wait..." I pushed him up by his shoulders and he looked so confused.

"What," he answered out unevenly, his tongue licking his lips compulsively as he hovered back over where he had just come from.

Yikes.

It suddenly dawned on me what just happened - my attempt to regain my balance and resulting crotch thrusting must of have looked more like an...."invitation" for him instead of a position change. Thus the odd sense of gratitude in his voice.

"Oh, God," I mumbled out in embarrassment. Yet another example of me being behind the grade in sexual sensitibilities. I felt like I a freak among my horndog, teenaged peers. Every story I'd ever overheard in the lockerooms, or read in Cosmo, were full of girls spreading eagle and throwing their heads back in ecstasy and having twenty-five orgasms when a guy went down on them. And they didn't even have Edward Effin' Cullen between their legs. But I did, and all I wanted to do was close my legs instead because I felt too exposed - on a night I was feeling exposed enough as it was.

"What," Edward asked again, this time more coherently.

"Wait," I said again, closing my eyes, trying to find some shred of dignity left within myself. I could do this.

"What's wrong?"

Nothing, at all. You just have a sexually defective girlfriend...

I shook my head. "No, it's fine. I'm okay. You can go back to....that..."

Edward stared at me, really took in my expressions; after a quick assessment of my face, it seemed to dawn on him what was going on.

"Honey, do you want this? You know I do, but only if you want it too."

I bit my lip and felt like an immature ahole in that moment, but I kept thinking back to what Emmett had mentioned to me earlier. To not to do anything just to prove myself, that Edward of all people would never want me to do that.

"I want it. Just maybe not right now. I'm still trying to catch up with you on the no clothes part, let me cross one hurdle at a time."

**STRIKE TWO**

He collapsed onto my stomach with a fustrated grunt.

"It's fine, Bella. I just need to know what you want."

Like I had any clue--it seemed to change from one second to the next.

I pulled him up to my face. " I want you. And I know I never want you more than when you kiss me."

My index finger pointed to my mouth for clarification's sake: "On these lips, by the way."

He cracked up, nodding in understanding.

His lower body nuzzled in between my legs as we kissed. And despite the lack of clothes, this was familiar territory for me. Territory I loved.

Edward tried to support his weight on his elbows, but that put too much space between us.

"I want all your weight on me," I whispered against his lips. His arms wrapped around the back of my neck in response as he rested on top of me.

I couldn't tell how long we were joined like this, but it felt like hours.

He didn't venture from my mouth with his kisses anymore - poor thing was probably too frightened after his last attempt. But with his hands roaming, and his chest moving against mine, and his reassuring whispers of how much he loved me, I was finally feeling relaxed.

Ready.

I nudged him with my hips several times before he finally took the bait.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded back with a smile.

Things happened quickly, as Edward positioned himself against me, and began to slowly rock back and forth.

"Baby..."he said in a low voice, " I'm going to go slow, but it's still going to hurt a little--"

I couldn't help but snort. "I know, I know. I had sex education in fifth grade, Dr. Drew. I understand the logistics for my first time."

He laughed. "Sorry. I'm just nervous. I don't want to hurt you."

The longer I was with Edward, the more aware I was of this truth. He had hurt me so badly that first day we met, after I put myself out on a limb for him. He knew he'd messed up; but it wasn't until he knew me better that he realized that I never went out on a limb like that for anyone. And he'd been trying to make it up to me ever since, making sure he never hurt me like that again. Even when the hurt was inevitable and not his fault. I took some comfort in knowing this was just as hard for him as it was for me right now -- maybe even harder.

The first minute was pure hell - my first instinct when I felt the stinging sensation as he entered was to resist it. And I did, only making his job that much harder.

"Try to relax, honey. It will hurt less if you don't tense up so much."

I eventually relented, and the stinging was replaced with a fullness that was more uncomfortable than painful. It all felt so strange, and definitely not the stuff that made my eyes roll back in ecstasy. More like the stuff mortifying memories where my twelve year old self learned how to use tampons for the first time with Renee.

Ugh.

Edward was true to his word, even though it couldn't have been easy. The urge to thrust harder and faster was evident in his almost pained expression and tensed muscles. But he maintained perfect control with each movement he made, advancing forward only slightly before withdrawing just as carefully. I hadn't factored in how much effort this would be for him, guiding me through my first time.

I'd never seen his love and care for me in action like this before, and it broke my heart.

Because his efforts were in vain. He was moving so slowly, it almost seemed to magnify the pain. It almost gave me too much time to process the sensations, as well as anticipate the next round of intrusion.

It was like taking off a bandaid. You could pull it off slowly - if you wanted enough time to process the stinging sensation of the removal. Or else you could pull it off quickly - and get it over with before you even have time to notice the pain.

But I didn't want to tell him that. Just as he couldn't hurt me, I didn't want to hurt him either. Rose was right - he was scared shitless of me and my lack of inexperience. If I spoke up right now, he'd stop right away. And then he'd spend the rest of the evening feeling guilty for putting me through unnecessary pain.

"Bella, are you okay?"

I nodded with my eyes closed.

My mind began to wonder though, through the drawn out process. Like my utter lack of grace and guile so far tonight. Or how sex so far burned like a mother effer if I was being completely honest. Or what Edward was secretly thinking. Here, I hoped to give him refuge; and somehow, I ended up just adding to his burdens. He was the one doing all the reassuring tonight.

God, I felt like the worst lay in history.

I could feel the tears pooling under my lids - I tried to blink fast to keep them in place. But one traitor tear escaped, the bastard.

Edward froze. "Bella, I can't do this. I can't do this while you're crying." He was growing frantic as he wiped away the rogue droplet. "How can I make it better for you?What's wrong?"

I just shook my head. I hated how he felt guilty when he had no reason too. "God, Edward, you're fine. I just wish I was better at this for you."

The tears were flowing now, and it was too late to turn back-I'd done this with him before. Where with others I would suck it up and lie and pretend to be fearless, I caved and told Edward the truth.

"I made you wait forever for a kiss. Times that by ten with sex. And I didn't want it to be a big v-card redemption letdown for you, like it seems to be going right now..."

I cut myself off before I said anymore, realizing I didn't need to go "there." But it was too late. He closed his eyes, as if I 'd slapped him. And for the first time ever, I felt like honesty being the best policy wasn't a full proof plan.

**STRIKE THREE**

He rolled off of me onto his back, his crossed arms covering his eyes. I asked him what he was thinking.

"I feel like sawing my dick off right now. Alice always told me it would come back to haunt me. "

That was more dramatic than threatening to scratch his eyes out. I asked him what he meant.

"Nothing could make me feel worse than knowing this is your first time; and the thing you are worrying about, more than if this was painful for you, is what I'm thinking of you. Like I would even compare you to anyone else. I swear to God, I wish more than anything I was a virgin for you right now."

It took me a moment to process how things went so horribly wrong. From me wanting to do something special for him, to letting my insecurities rule over the evening instead, to this--making him want to saw his pepaw off. And the irony of it all? The whole time I was wishing I had more experience for him in bed right now, he was wishing he had less experience for me.

And that gave me some selfish comfort for a flash. Because he knew exactly how I felt right now - to feel like you aren't measuring up for someone you wanted to measure up for more than anyone else in the world.

"Bella," Edward interrupted my thoughts. "Come here." He cuddled me into his side, getting me to rest my head on his chest with his arm wrapped around my shoulder. The very position we assumed when we were getting ready to sleep.

He was calling it a night. And could I blame him? It's probably the best option when you are at the point of wanting to cut off your gentials.

This was a mess I made. I set this all up, getting the room and dropping the chonies. He took the bait, while still being sensitive to my fears. And then I sabotaged it by worrying I wasn't pretty enough. Or curvy enough. Or toned, or big breasted, or sexy enough. I somehow made everything about me, when it was suppossed to be about us.

As Charlie always reminded me, you make the mess -you clean it up.

So I wasn't a sex goddess -yet. Maybe I wasn't the most confident girl when it came to my looks. Or a natural flirt. But it wasn't like I was a total failure in life.

I was smart. And well-read. And could make people laugh. I was an excellent test taker. I kicked ass on the SATs--I scored higher than Edward and that was without all the costly prep courses his parents put him in.

So, why was I making this current "test" more complicated than it was? It wasn't exactly rocket science, trying to get your boyfriend to sleep with you. And wasn't there a saying that seduction begins with the mind?

I had a fucking clever mind - Edward said as much several times over. If minds were standards for sexiness, I'd be telling Megan Fox to sit her bony ass down because it was my turn to reign from the sex throne.

I could do this. Test Taking Bella could do this, even if High School Bella wouldn't.

At least she could for Edward.

Rose had given me pointers to work with earlier. I had the sexual power in the relationship. Check. I wanted to have sex with Edward since he passed the Fig Newtons test. Check. I shouldn't talk dirty to him when I made the first move. Check.

But... maybe I woudn't have to be the one doing the talking....I thought back to something Edward said earlier:

_"I had some very, very bad things in mind when I walked into your room that night."_

Maybe, just maybe, with a little prompting, I could get Edward to do the dirty talk work for me. Maybe, I could get him to confess those very bad things, and use them as a blueprint to for getting this seduction thingy back on course.

Test Taking Bella ruled.

Not only was she a good test taker, she knew how to plaguerize without getting caught on top of it.

I rolled on top of Edward, on the pretense I wanted to hug him. He let out a fustrated sigh.

Poor bastard.

"Honey," I asked as innocently as possible. "Just for purely egotistical reasons, what were some of the things you had in mind for me when we first met?"

He shook his head. "Not the time, Bella. Really. Let's just rest. It's been such a long day---"

"Come on," I taunted, "humor me a little. What was the first thing you thought about doing to me?" I kissed his chest chastely for extra incentive.

A smile broke out on his face, although his arms still covered his eyes.

"I wanted to pluck those little dress straps off your shoulders."

"And...." I prompted.

He shook his head. I kissed his chest again. "And?"

"And I wanted to make up for the fact my mother bottle fed me as child."

He was being polite; too polite, making it clear he wasn't in the mood to start revving his engine again in vain.

But it was too late, because Test Taking Bella was making a list of his answers and checking it twice. For whatever reason, maybe he was far sighted or something, he was into my boobs that first day. They may not be huge, but they were functional enough to work with right now.

I scooted upwards, until I was straddling his abs, and then leaned over, letting a nipple brush against his lips.

"How do you make up for being bottle fed, honey?" I started twistin my torso slowly, letting both breasts sweep against his now-opened mouth.

His tongue flicked out when he felt my nipple.

"No wonder your mother bottle fed you, you suck at latching on."

A little prompting was all he needed; if there was one similarity between us, it was that we loved a challenge. His arms flew off his eyes and onto my hips while his eyes followed my twisting movements like they were watching a tennis game.

Side to side. Tongue-flick out. Side to side. Flick out again when my booobs met him back in the middle.

"It's a wonder you didn't starve as a child, even if you used a bottle...."

He grabbed my shoulders in response and ceased all movement, causing my girls to cradle his face.

Edward moved back and forth between each breast, licking and sucking, then nuzzling back in the middle where he started.

Not exactly polite.

"Then what?" He didn't answer. I pulled back from his mouth, but he kept himself latched on, a sly grin on hand.

"Aw, he finally learned how to latch on properly, twenty-one years after the fact."

I flicked his nose to get him to release my nipple, and then dipped down for a kiss.

I stopped abruptly, speaking against his lips: "Then what? What other bad things did you think about doing? Humor the frizzy haired, gangly girl."

His hands gripped my hips harder: "Your lips. I wanted your lips all over me. Kissing me."

"Kissing you where," I countered.

His eyes were closed now, his face doing that twitchy thing again. He didn't answer me with words. He just took my hand in his and wrapped it around his cock.

I began to pump slowly, but stopped. "Open your eyes." He obeyed.

Edward watched as I licked my hand twice before continuing to fist him up and down. "You wanted me to do this with my mouth?"

He nodded. I looked down briefly, watching my handiwork. When we made eye contact again, I opened my mouth suggestively, giving him a visual of the possibilities.

Edward cursed under his breath before grabbing my head with both hands and capturing my mouth. He kissed me hard - I kissed him hard back. His body strained up against mine, my body pushed back. But all movement stopped when I straddled his hips and brushed up right against his cock. A low groan escaped from him as I began to grind slowly.

"What else did you want from me that day, Edward?"

His hips were rolling along with mine now, his lids heavy as he answered: "I wanted you..."

Still too polite.

"Wanted me how?" I began to grind slower, but with more pressure.

"I wanted inside you, in every possible configuration- is that fucking clear enough for you?"

I laughed out loud; not only was he being impolite now, but he was being a smart ass on top of it.

Right where I wanted him.

This seduction crap wasn't so hard after all. I was feeling cocky enough to play off the script now and add a couple zingers of my own.

I stopped all contact by arching my back and hovering over his body while resting on all fours - both knees and elbows.

I leaned into his ear: " Eight ball - corner pocket."

I lowered my hips, maneuvering just-so until the tip of his cock was right at my entrance.

He smiled brightly before he broke out in laughter - a good, hearty laugh that made me laugh along with him.

I had bunch of other things I could have said next - I was starting to get the hang of the dirty talk deal. I could have asked how bad he wanted to be inside me like a tease. Or complimented him on his ginormousness with a breathy moan.

But I went with something more direct and genuine: "I love you."

He leaned upwards and stole a kiss: " I love you more."

It hurt more actually, being on top. I felt the intrusion of him inside me much more keenly. But I was also free to move my body around to accomodate him, which made all the difference. I was participating now, not simply sitting back and receiving.

Edward helped me out at first, slowly lifting me up and pushing down along his length by my hips. He looked so beautiful, with his muscles all tensed and his eyes wide with wonder as he watched me move. I didn't know why, but he always looked so innocent and vulnerable to me when we were being intimate.

I found a method I preferred eventually though on my own: taking him in fully, holding onto his shoulders for support, and grinding him senseless.

"Shit, Bella, I'm not going to last long," he managed out once I got going.

This pacing and friction was working in my favor though in dulling the still-present pain. Sorta like when you get a cut on your finger and applying hard pressure to stop the bleeding takes away from feeling the pain of the actual cut. So, I kept it up, moving in whatever way felt best --- back and forth, in circles....

"Stop...wait..." His hands willed my hips to slow down in a last ditched effort to maintain control.

But being the greedy bugger that I was, I wanted to see him lose it.

I bucked forward forcefully, and picked up my pace.

"Bella......."

Edward's entire body froze for several seconds, all rigid and tense, which made me pause too. He was holding his breath, like he was about to sneeze - and he did.

Just not from his nose.

Inhaling almost violently through his nostrils, he grabbed onto my hips for dear life and pumped hard. The pace was so fast and spastic, all I could do was hold onto his shoulders to absorb the thrusting.

He let out some crazy shit yelp while his hips froze in mid-motion before collapsing back onto the mattress. And all I could do was bury my head into his chest to hide my giggles.

Because a) I had the maturity level of a ten year old and his face while he was making that strangled moan was funny as hell; and b) I didn't want him to see the smug smile on my face.

And why did I have a smug smile on my face? Because I, Bella Swan, the girl who was certain that having sex with Edward was illegal in several states because it was a form of interspecies breeding? The same frizzy-poodled-haired, sexually deaf, sexually blind, and sexually mute Swan who never even got asked to a single formal dance in high school?

Just fucked the Prom King of all Prom Kings - and he was lying underneath me this very second, wearing a shit eating grin.

**xxxx**

a/n: and yes, they had safe sex, but they asked me not to divulge every last detail in my account of their first time. :)


	53. United Front

**Chapter 53: United Front**

**a/n: Thanks for the reviews! I mentioned I had a heart-to-heart for these two last chapter, but thought the chapter was too long with it tacked on. Now, I think I messed up and should have kept it on. So, yeah...here it is...lol**

**FAQ:There were some valid ?s re: last chapter and Bella's disconnection to the situation as a whole. Part of that had to do with the pain factor she was experiencing.**

**But also, this was not a heat of the moment situation. It was planned, in a somewhat grand gestured way by her. Grand gestures entail grand expectations. And both Edward and Bella in this story feel very undeserving of the other in different ways, so the pressures from the expectations got the best of them. In many ways, sex was the last thing on their minds, and it was more about wanting to be enough for the other and feeling like they weren't. So, yeah, Bella wasn't really focusing on the pleasures of the moment. But she had a little epiphany at the end. That in reality, she ****was**** still that dork in high school And yet that dork in high school single handedly bagged the prom king. In other words, she is worthy enough for him just as she is. **

_from last chapter:_

_It suddenly dawned on me what just happened - my attempt to regain my balance and resulting crotch thrusting must of have looked more like an...."invitation" for him instead of a position change. Thus the odd sense of gratitude in his voice._

_"Honey, do you want this? You know I do, but only if you want it too."_

_"I want it. Just maybe not right now. I'm still trying to catch up with you on the no clothes part, __let me cross one hurdle at a time__."_

**xx**

**Bella**

"Why did you do it? Why didn't you tell me?"

It was time to finally bring it up. We had fallen asleep for a couple hours before our collective stomach growls woke us back up. We got some pizza delivered, and scarfed it down in record time, all the while teasing one another about the evening's developments.

Edward mocked my multi-personalitied self and how he wasn't sure he was talking to Olive Oyl or Carmen Elektra from one second to the next. I teased him about sounding like a dying calf when he was in the throes of passion.

"Like you even know what a calf sounds like," he challenged.

"Fine. You sounded like Chewbaca from Star Wars if he was burping out the alphabet while in the middle of dying."

He weighed over the options: "I'll take the dying calf."

But we could only put it off for so long. I laid on his chest now, my chin resting on his sternum

"Why did you do it? Why didn't you tell me?"

And make no mistake - he had done it consciously, with intent. Edward was naturally intelligent and capable. There was no way in hell he could have been failing two classes on accident in his junior year as a pre-med student.

It seemed to me he must have not made them a priority. Which scared me really - because I knew I'd been a priority for months now in his life. I had almost insisted on being a priority, making it clear he had to win back my trust after he messed up.

How was I to know he would be so thorough on winning my trust back - maybe at the expense of other priorities?

He just shook his head: "I don't know. Well, I do. But it's complicated."

"I think I can keep up."

"I know you can."

Edward took a deep breath before starting: "This was just a weird semester for me. I'm closing in now on my major, and things are being set into motion that will propel me into the next several years."

Esme made that very clear. This internship he missed out on sounded like a must-have on his resume to get into the higher tier of med schools he had been planning on attending for years now.

"And I thought I was ready for it, I swear to God, I thought I was ready to bite the bullet."

Bite the bullet?

"But then you came along, Bella, and you just screwed everything up."

He was smiling when he said it, but I would have been lying if I said it didn't smart - just a little bit.

Words started flying out of my mouth, left and right: "I'm so sorry. If I had any clue how hard this semester had been for you with school, I would have never asked so much of you."

He cut me off.

"You aren't the reason I messed up this semester. At least not in the way you think."

I asked him to explain.

"I've been so sure for so long how my life would play out. And you have to have a plan in place, when you are planning the medical school route. Since high school basically I'd been planning this."

I sized him up for a second. "You talk about it like it's a prison sentence or something, for God's sake."

He shook his head. "No, I wanted to do this. Since I was a little kid, I've watched my dad do amazing things with his profession, and I wanted to follow in his footsteps."

"Well, those are pretty cool footsteps to follow."

But very big shoes to fill too, I added on silently. It must have been hard to grow up in a saint's shadow.

"And it seemed like the logical step at this point in my life, to hunker down now, and start taking this more seriously. But then you came along; and of course, I fell hard. But the funny thing was, it didn't just end there. It was like a domino effect once you became a part of my life - other things and thoughts came to the surface as well. Hungers I don't even understand completely still."

"Music," I blurted out.

Of course.

While I couldn't recall seeing Edward doing actual work for his classes, I did have a consistent image in my mind. Edward behind the piano playing. Edward fiddling with my guitar. Edward supporting me tooth and nail with my music gig.

Edward and music? Like bread to butter.

"Yeah, that's part of it. But just being around you too, Bella, and watching you make up your path as you go. It's made me wonder what I really want for myself too."

That was another image that came to mind as well. How much Edward seemed to get a kick out of me in general. I always thought it was because I was silly. But maybe there was more to it. Maybe he wished he had more of a blank page to work like I did. I was the first one in my immediate family to go to college, that was an accomplishment in and of itself. But for Edward, with a saint and a debate queen for parents? College was the equivalent of a middle school diploma - he was only beginning his journey of expectations.

What if it wasn't the journey he wanted to sign up for in the first place?

But he'd gone around it the wrong way, Edward admitted to me, by sabotaging this semester. That he hurt his parents, the way he went about things. His father especially. Carlisle had been worried for awhile now, concerned that Edward's intentions and actions weren't aligning like they should.

And not because he thought Edward didn't want this path - he thought he just didn't realize yet what was needed of him to stay on course.

And Carlisle, more than anyone, wanted to help him succeed. Not because, as I had wondered over dinner tonight, St. Carlisle wanted a Mini-Me to hold up and exhibit.

"That's not it at all, Bella. He knows it's been hard for me, to grow up as his only son. That there's a reputation that precedes me in some circles. My father, more than anyone, wouldn't want to see me fall short of the mark while trying to live up to his standards. He's tried so hard to keep me on course so that wouldn't happen."

Edward told me more than he ever had about his family. His affection and admiration for his parents were very strong. And it wasn't hard to understand why Edward wanted to follow their example. But it did make me wonder something.

"Just how you've treated me this whole semester, I can't help but think you're destined to follow in your dad's footsteps. But maybe that has nothing to do with his career choice, you know? Maybe the best way for you to follow in his footsteps is to figure out what you do well, and do that to the best of your abilities. That's what your dad seems to shine in - it's not really that he's a doctor. There's a bunch of doctors in this world. It's more that he uses his passion to do good with it."

Edward didn't answer, but I could tell he was weighing in mentally on my points.

"Your passion may very well be medicine. But maybe it isn't. I get that you messed up with the internship by messing up your grades, I get that it means you messed up other opportunities too. But I can't help but think it's not the end of the world either. Who says you have to graduate next year and head off to med-school right afterward? What if you took a year while in school to figure out what your passion truly is? Maybe you'll find it out it's music. Or maybe it's social work for all you know, or accounting!"

He laughed out loud, giving me that look he gave when he was getting a kick out of me.

"Maybe you'll end up right where you started at the end of the year too, with med-school as your focus again. So you lose a year - big whoop. But at least you'll know what you want to do. You'll have time still to get another internship if you need it. And the sky will stay intact, I promise."

He kissed me gently for a few minutes, and I knew this was his answer to me. It was laced with gratitude and hope.

Love.

"Bella, since we're on the subject of parents and crippling expectations--"

Oh-oh.

"you think you want to explain what's going on with you and your mom right now?"

Ugh. Where did I even begin?

I asked him what he knew. He said he knew that my mom was having a rough patch of sorts. Thus all the constant calls.

I asked him what he suspected. Edward said Rose had said a few things here and there to make him suspect a lot. That maybe I was working more hours than I needed to to help support my mom financially.

"Guilty as charged, Matlock," I joked. He didn't seem to find much humor in it all though.

He suspected that my mom's marriage was on the rocks.

"Check."

He held my hand for the next part.

"If I know one thing about you, Bella, it's how loyal you are. And the thing I've been worried about for awhile now is that she's going to want you to come home to her. If Phil isn't there to take care of her, I'm afraid you're the next person in line to pick up the slack."

He watched my face carefully, to see if he was onto something.

Little did he know, he hit it on the bullseye.

I hated myself for doing it. It had to be a record for me, crying twice in one night. But I couldn't help myself. Some of the tears were because I didn't know what to do about my mom. But some of the tears were because Edward had figured it out without me having to say a word.

"She wanted me to come back for winter semester but I told her no. She's hoping I'll consider coming back during spring and summer terms though."

Edward let a drawn out sigh escape his lips before hugging me close. "Bella, you can't do that. You know you can't. And I'm not saying that just because I want you here with me. It's not fair to you. But it's not fair to her either. She can't rely on you to bail her out everytime. Renee needs to learn how stand on her own two feet. She can't do that if you are there to take care of everything."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Easier said than done." And that was a fact - Thanksgiving holiday weekend was in a couple days and I was flying home to be with her. "You think I'm persuasive? You haven't seen anything yet. I bet she'd have you on her side persuading me to go home for winter term within five minutes of meeting her."

Edward stared at me for a long pause, before breaking out in a smile. "It's a bet."

Come again?

"It's a bet. I'm coming with you to Arizona."

Yeah....he still wasn't making any sense.

"But you're going home for Thanksgiving. Like four states away from Arizona I might add."

He shrugged his shoulders as his smile got wider. "We'll visit them too. You and me, a united front ranging across four state lines. Hell, Charlie's only about five hours away from my parents, we can drive down to see him for a day while we're at it. Why not?"

Edward, it turned out, wasn't joking. He was dead serious about accompanying me to Arizona. At first I was afraid he wanted to be confrontational with my mom, and I was completely against it. But after he promised he had no such intentions, he gave a good reason for this strange little concoction he was thinking up.

"If I had you by my side next weekend, it would make it a hell of a lot easier for me to tell my parents what I need to tell them. At least once I figure out what I want to tell them in the first place."

I snorted.

"Either way, I would want you by my side, Bella."

I knew what he meant of course, because I felt the same way. With Edward by my side all semester, I'd done things I would have never been able to by myself. He made me bolder, more brave to try and say and do new things.

And if I was really being honest, having him by my side this weekend when I spoke to my mom would be what I wished for most as well.

Within minutes we were on the computer, figuring out if this was a possibility or not.

It was.

I kept promising him I'd pay him back soon as he charged the new tickets and ticket changing charges to his credit card. He told me to stop being silly.

And just like that, the next week was revised and replanned. We were hitting all the parental hotspots over the course of four days.

Operation United Front was put into action.

"We're like Bonnie and Clyde," I bragged as we both settled back into bed for the night.

"Better than that," Edward countered. "Like Bonnie and Clyde, as played by Jay-Z and Beyonce."

That worked too.

"Yeah, I'm feeling like quite the outlaw at the moment."

Edward got a wicked gleam in his eye with my statement; and slowly, ever-so-slowly, he inched down south while hovering over me.

"Since you're feeling like the outlaw right now, maybe you're interested in crossing another hurdle?" He gently spread my legs as he settled himself even lower now, waiting for me to give him the go ahead.

Sigh.

Forgive me Father Emmett, for I have sinned. And I'm going to be sinning lots and lots more before my noon checkout time, because apparently there's all sorts of ways to get your sin on - especially with the one you love.


	54. Perks of Being Raised By Wolves

**The Perks of Being Raised By Wolves, Part I**

a/n: The winning bidder of the Support Stacie writing Auction , the lovely **Sevenmom**, requested that I write a chapter about Rose meeting Emmett's family and opted to share it publicly. This two part chapter(the second part will be posted in a couple days) is the result of that request. I wasn't planning on focusing any more chapters on Rose and Emmett, so I'm glad she picked this as the writing challenge. Thanks again Sevenmom for being a peach!

a/n: The italicized parts are when Rose is talking to Alice and Bella on the phone in Hawaii. The chapter weaves in and out of memory and present moments.

a/n: sarong/lava lava/ wrap-around skirt: If you don't know what a sarong/lava lava is by the end of the chapter, I have a link at the very top of my profile to give you a male visual.

a/n: Thanks for the reviews last chapter! And don't fret E/B only shippers - Edward and Bell's Tour of Thanksgiving Duty will commence next week.

**Rose(The events in this chapter will be happening around the time Bella and Alice are getting ready to go back to the Cullens for Thanksgiving break-this is happening same timeframe as the week coming up to Thanksgiving break):**

"Why I am doing this again? Help me out here, Bella." I was huffing and puffing into my cellphone as I ran down the long walkway.

315......

316.....

I had another quarter mile easy before I'd get to Terminal 342.

"Uh....because it's Hawaii. And it's free. And it's not work. And you haven't ever left California. Or taken a plane anywhere. And he invited you." She paused before continuing more quietly. "You know it must have taken a lot for him to ask you."

It had been hard for him to ask, just days after I made him promise that we would take things slowly.

_Said the girl running to catch a flight to meet his family somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Two dates into the relationship._

"And," Bella chimed in, trying to lighten the mood," you want to show off that little itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny bikini we bought you yesterday."

I almost tripped running past terminal 324.

God, why did I wear the new four-point-five inch wedge heels to the airport?

Seven hours.

Seven hours were wasted yesterday with Bella and Alice as we searched high and low for new clothes for the trip.

And shoes that were completely inappropriate for long distance running.

"You need lighter clothes, brighter colors for Hawaii. Stop hiding the Jessica Rabbit bod in mom jeans, it's sinful." Alice gave me a disapproving look as I went straight to a clearance rack - full of mom jeans and t-shirts.

Money and Alice. She didn't understand how some of us weren't on such intimate terms with him.

Alice interrogated me to see what sort of budget I was working with.

"Twenty bucks, no change."

She wasn't amused.

"You aren't dropping a penny on the trip. At least give me two hundred to work with."

It was true- the whole trip wasn't costing me a dime. Emmett's aunt worked for the airlines and was gettings us flown over on standby. And we planned on staying at a relative's house for the whole trip. He told me to bring shopping money for souvenirs and the like, and everything else would be taken care of.

"60.00, that's my final offer."

She wasn't having it.

"150.00."

We settled at 125.00, and Alice's lips began a silent conversation with themselves as she looked up towards the ceiling for a minute.

"Okay, I figured it out. If we shop exclusively at bargain spots, we can get away with two dresses, a couple tops, some skirts or shorts, and cute shoes if we are _very _careful."

Bella nodded her head knowingly. "Alice is like a fashion calculator. You know that estimate factored in state and local taxes too, right?"

From Target to quality second hand stores, Alice scoured the racks like a woman on a mission: "We want to find you touchable fabrics, romantic cuts on your skirts, sexy-but-sweet dresses for the evenings. God, you two are going to have so much fun! The singing porpoises and mermaids are going to do welcoming flips out of the water in celebration of your blessed arrival!"

I grimaced.

"Umm...I think the mermaids and porpoises are are too busy crying for Dead Uncle instead, Alice."

The REAL reason Emmett was going back to Hawaii.

It wasn't to wine and dine me, no matter how much Alice wanted to spin it. Emmett was going back to bury his uncle. The same uncle who took him under his wing after his father's passing, and had Emmett spend summers with him in Hawaii. His wife asked him specifically to come and help her out, since he was like their eldest son.

And Emmett asked me specifically to come with him in turn.

Alice sighed. "Yeah, dead people can put a damper on all the festivities."

"The nerve of Dead Uncle, being such a buzzkill, " I muttered, while Alice nodded in agreement.

Without a hint of irony on her face.

Five hours later, Alice was true to her word, finding me a mini-wardrobe for the trip. The two rascals even followed me home to help me pack.

Or more like comandeer my duffle bag.

"Don't pack any of those everyday jeans or shirts. Vacationing in Hawaii is anything BUT everyday." I waited until she started in on another mystical creature birthing rainbows in my and Emmett's honor before slipping in an old pair of pants and a comfy tshirt without her noticing.

"Open it, " Alice said as she threw a bag onto my newly packed suitcase. I peeked inside, and the scolding followed quickly.

"I told you two I had a bathing suit already, you guys didn't need to do this."

Inside was the bikini that caught my eye in a mallshop window earlier. White, stringed, simple.

But perfect. And perfectly out of my price range.

"Oh shush...consider it a Christmas present from me." Alice never understood why I had a hard time accepting gifts. She didn't understand working class pride - maybe because she'd never worked a day in her life.

I shook my head in defiance.

"And your birthday present as well for the next decade, if that makes you feel better. Just promise me you'll wear your bangle earrings with this bikini, because let's face it; Emmett might be priest-ish, but he's still a man. And if anything can bring the man out, it's Rose in white strings and golden bangles."

The Alicinian advice wouldn't stop coming, even when it wasn't requested.

"And sweetie, you know I love your sassy, boisterous ways..."

That sounded like a disclaimer...

"but...."

Coming in for a landing...

"if you could dispense with the constant sex analogies that revolve around food, or mid-sized animals--"

"-or musical instruments," Bella piped in.

"Or small appliances.."

Gah, Alice was still holding it against me for calling Jasper a power tool. I didn't have the heart to clarify that by "power tool," I meant his capacity to be a uber douchebag - not a battery charged sex machine.

"Really, Rose, I think it would be best to let your more creative musings stay within that pretty head of yours. Seamus said Emmett's family is very proper and-"

I had to cut her off. "I know, I know. I'm going to watch myself. I'm not a goddamned idiot, geesh--"

Alice's finger pointed at me.

"See, sweetie? Right there? You just took the Lord's name in vain. And that's not even a low level sin. That's like..... breaking one of the greatest commandment hits of all time. It's in the final top ten."

Damnnit, I knew skipping catechism would come back and bite me in the ass someday.

Alice and Bella formed a London Bridged hug around me before insisting that I remember one thing:

"Honey, we know being raised by wolves makes you nervous sometimes; so call us any time, day or night. Even if you just need someone to talk to. Promise us, Rose?"

Like they'd have to ask me twice.

**xx**

_Terminal 331........_

_Bella's phone voice broke me out of my thoughts. _

_"It's going to be okay, Rose. Calm down. EmBear just needs you to give him some moral support. You're going to be great."_

_Delivering moral support? Highly questionable. Even when I tried to be supportive to others, people usually ended up in tears._

_Delivering a top ten commandment breaking before the introductions were even finished with Emmett's family? Highly likely. _

_Knowing my luck, I'd lie AND commit adultery by accident at the dining room table during dinner, without even realizing it._

**xx**

Emmett was waiting at the terminal gate, and let out a visible sigh as his eyes closed in on me.

"Look at you," he said as he took in my new dress and heels.

Look at him.

No, really, look at him. His arms and dimpled smile took up most of the room.

But so did the dark circles under his eyes - as well as that eyebrow furrow that had become a permanent fixture since he heard the news about his uncle..

He fell asleep within minutes of takeoff, but not before grabbing my hand like it was made of fine china and kissing me gently on the cheek.

Sweet.

But scary.

Everything about Emmett was sweet but scary. He thought too much of me, too soon.

I tried to ignore the possibly sticky consequences of his feelings by flipping through the in-flight magazine while Emmett napped. In the back was a pidgen glossary of Hawaiian local terms that caught my eye:

**Aloha: A greeting or farewell; and expression of love.**

Gotcha.

**Haole: A mainlander, foreigner.**

Guilty as charged.

**Stink Eye: A mean or dirty look.**

Sounded like the natural disposition of my face.

**Tita: A tough, combative local girl**

Aw... How cute. Apparently there were packs of wolf girls roaming the Hawaiian landscape as well....

**Talk Story: To engage in long, largely unstructured, but ultimately meaningful chats framed in story form.**

I tried to incorporate all the terms into one sentence or two to pass the time:

"May this haole remember to be full of aloha instead acting like a tita who was raised by wolves and gives stink eye and talks story with too many sex analogies that revolve around mid-sized animals. And appliances."

The sentence morphed into a sort of wish list of sorts I had for myself on this trip. It was the closest I'd gotten to saying a prayer in years.

"Amen. And all that stuff..."

**00000000**

**Stink Eye**

_"Rose?" Alice's voice was groggy. _

_Shit, I forgot there was a three hour difference. I tried to whisper as quietly into my phone as possible._

_"I'm in bed with three strangers. And there's some little kid sleeping at the foot of my mattress like a cat...."_

_"Wow, a threesome times two that involves a midget - I told you that bikini and bangled earring combo would really loosen up Emmett!"_

_I cringed at the thought. Emmett and I got along BECAUSE he wasn't planning on loosening up in certain areas anytime soon. _

_"Shut up, listen. I don't know what the hell I'm doing here, I'm this close to bolting and coming home. I'm intruding."_

**xx**

There was no other way to look at it. Emmett and I landed in Honolulu- full of lights and great views. I could see Waikiki and Diamond Head as his cousin-whose-name-I-couldn't-pronounce drove us out of the airport.

But then we started driving. And driving some more, until everything around us was completely dark and rural and quiet.

The house we parked at looked like a fire marshall's worst dirt driveway was littered with cars, large groups of people were assembled in different areas on the front yard. Even more people were packed inside the house, from what I could see through the window.

I actually heard Priest boy cuss softly under his breath. " I should have known," he whispered to me in regret. "I don't know how it's going to work out staying here. There's so many..." He looked back at the crowded house.

"Don't worry about me," I lied casually. " I'm fine. You have enough on your plate, don't make me feel like I'm adding to it. Please."

He gave me a regretful look - I shewed it away with a hand and a head shake.

My senses were assaulted the minute I got out of the car. Something burning in the backyard was giving off a pungent, smokey smell. Muffled voices filled the air, with periodic laughs ringing out intermittently.

Then my eyes got accostumed to the darkness. Emmett's family were all dressed very casually - humbly even. Shorts and shirts, those types of slippers you buy at the drugstore for two bucks.

The women's hair all piled up on top of their heads functionally in no-nonsense buns. With little-to-no makeup.

And then there was me. The only pale face in the crowd. In a brightly colored dress that looked like I was off to a tea party - not exactly tailormade for mourning. My heels were clinking on the pavement now, making my arrival even more blaring. The conversations died down and were replaced with whispers. I tried to blot the red lipstick off on the back of my hand as we headed toward the front door.

In my haste to try to look presentable and demure for my introduction to his mother, I had grossly miscalculated the situation. I knew what I looked like right now - I looked like _that _girl I hated. Being a townie, every fall semester I could count on a new influx of pampered princesses who breezed in from all over and acted like they owned every place they entered. They cat-walked into my bar with an air of perfectly manicured superiority, barely deigning to look my way as they gave me their drink orders.

And to everyone who watched me walk in right now? I was looking exactly like _that_ girl.

Made my skin crawl.

They all quieted with our entrance; Emmett wrapped his arm around my waist, giving me a reassuring squeeze. The reactions from different parts of the room couldn't have contrasted more deeply. A group of teenaged boys were all Chesire Cat smiles as they sized me up and down. But on the other end of the room, I was getting a different type of once-over from a group of young women in the corner.

"**Stink eye**," I said out loud, realizing I'd just had my first visual demonstration of that Hawaiian term.

All at once, the whole room descended upon us like a tidal wave that was made up of outreached arms and smiles and tears and greetings. And by the room descending upon us, I meant Emmett. He was completely overwhelmed by the group hug - the only indication that he was still alive and breathing underneath was his hand's steady grasp on my side.

Well, I did get some hugs too. Exclusively from the Chesire Cat contingent.

"Cousin!" the boys kept greeting me as they all doled out lingering hugs - until Emmett's disembodied hand began to slap them away from me.

Which was just in time, because the Stink Eye contigent was getting stinkier eye'd by the moment and the last hugger had buried his head into my loose hair and took a huge whiff...

"Sssssst..." Emmett hissed out in the boys' direction, giving them a scolding look.

It was weird; Emmett was only twenty-four, but he came off like an old man sometimes. He'd been playing the Big Brother card for longer than his years should have allowed it seemed.

He turned his attention back to the rest of the crowd. "This is Rose," he announced with a tad too much endearment.

Sweet. But scary.

Emmett didn't know how to do "sweet" any other way.

**xx**

_"What did you do, " Bella and Alice asked in unison over the phone._

**xx**

What else could I do, other than stand there and absorb the familal tsunami that had previously encased Emmett. Kisses and hugs and back patting came over me at once. Emmett's voice was in the background spouting off names of this auntie and that auntie; but it was too much of a blur to process, so I just smiled.

I was going for "demure" with the smile, but with my luck, it probably ended up just looking "uptight."

Uptight pampered princess - that was the first impression I was giving off. This is why wolfgirls weren't meant for family introductions - they only overcorrected and morphed into something even worse than a wolfgirl.

When the hug-in dust finally cleared, Emmett was making a human armed link chain with three beautiful young girls.

**xx**

_"His sisters?" Bellice asked in unison._

_Yes. Natalie, the oldest at eighteen. Teana, the middle at sixteen; and little Ramnadi-or Ram(Rahm) as Emmett called her, bringing up the rear at thirteen._

_"Do they look like him?"_

_In the ways that worked for a girl: big dark eyes and eyelashes, tan skin, thick, dark hair. Dimples even. In the ways that wouldn't work -- square jaw, broad shoulders -- they were spared. _

_It was a beautiful combination._

_"And did they like you," Bella asked ._

**xx**

Well, that was a trickier answer.

Teana was pleasant enough, she smiled and hugged me politely. But she excused herself just as quickly to huddle next to some other girls around her age.

Typical teen.

Natalie saw the terror in my eyes, and quickly took me under her wing. I caught Natalie give Emmett a reassuring nod as she began to talk to me with her arm around my shoulder.

"You must be tired after that flight, " Nat mentioned as she navigated me away from the hordes of people and into the quiet0 hall. "Love your shoes by the way."

We talked for a moment about where I bought them before the point of her compliment became more apparent. " Auntie usually has us keep our shoes outside on the porch; but these are so nice, we should put them in my cousin's closet."

I suddenly looked around the house--everyone else was barefoot. I whispered thank you for the head's up as she laughed and told me it wasn't a big deal. Not wanting to come off anymore than the WASPY princess that I already had, I threw my shoes onto the humongous pile of slippers outside the front door.

**xx**

_"66% approval rating? Nice. That's higher than Michelle Obama's. But what about the last sister?" Bella's voice was full of anticipation._

_Oh, that last 33% in the form of Ramnadi? How did I explain her reception to me other than-_

_Stink eye topped off with a serving of defensive arm crossing. _

_And of course she'd be the holdout, because her opinion mattered most._

_She was Emmett's little piston--the spunky apple of his eye. The sister that Emmett said reminded him of me in many ways._

_Which of course meant she'd think I was a twat right off the bat between the heels and the lipstick and clinky heels.  
I would have hated me right off as well. _

_"Well, two outta three ain't bad," Alice rallied. " What about the mother?"_

_Emmett had to leave right away to go to his widowed-aunt's house to help out - his mother was over there with her. But he wouldn't leave until he made one last grand gesture in my honor to really piss off the Stinky-eyed contigent._

_When his aunt offered us a couple couches in the living room to sleep on, Emmett cut in:_

_"Auntie, can Rose sleep in one of the bedrooms? She doesn't know anyone here and she would probably like some privacy."_

_His aunt nodded in understanding while my jaw dropped and I hurried to explain it wasn't necessary._

_She looked over in the direction of the Stinky - Eyed contingent and motioned one of the girls to come over. "Ruta, show Rose your bedroom, and you can sleep out here tonight."_

_"Oh, Sweet Baby Jebus," Alice interrupted," you stole Stinky Eye's bed?"_

**xx**

Yes. In clear disapproving sight of Ram.

The only thing stopping Stinky Eye and me from getting our rumble on was an intervening Natalie to smooth things over. Natalie thanked Stinky Eye profusely while offering to share the bed with me along with Teana.

Once we settled in for the night together, Natalie filled me in on some goodies. How Emmett had told her we had just started dating, but that his voice sounded so happy lately.

Sweet.

How he'd been talking about me for so long; from the very first night he met me, actually.

Scary.

And here I was now, in a bed filled with people I didn't know. And a strange child sleeping by my feet. And another kid snoring on the floor below me. And talking still going on outside among those assembled on the front lawn. And all I wanted to know from Bellice right then and now as I whispered into the phone was:

Why am I doing this again?

**000000**

**Tita - tough local girl, a girl to be scared of**

_"So, yeah, get this, girls. People don't wear shoes indoors here, right? And those new wedge heels we bought together? I threw them in the communal shoe heap last night, and today? They were nowhere to be found."_

_Bellice both gasped on the other side of the phone. "What did you do?"_

_"What else was there to do? I found the only size eight pair of rubber Wal-Mart slippers in the mound and I assume I'm wearing my thief's shoes around now."_

_Bella cracked up while Alice sounded like she was dry heaving in the back. But that still didn't stop her from talking:_

_"Where are you right now? On the beach? In your bikini? Drinking a Mormon Mai Tai? Are you wearing your Bangle earrings like a good girl? Did Emmett's jaw have to be surgically put back together again when he saw you in it?"_

_"Umm, " I confessed, "I saw the beach from the freeway."_

**xx**

Emmett tried to get me to go somewhere fun with one of his cousins today, but I wasn't having it. I'd kept asking myself why I was doing this again all night. And the answer was so simple really: to help out Emmett.

Nevermind the fact he thought he was in love with me, or the fact that I knew that he wasn't. Or the fact I didn't want to encourage his sweet but scary delusions.

All that stuff didn't matter. Not right now at least. What mattered was that I needed to help him.

And Lord knew the poor bastard needed it. He had so much shit piling up on his plate, and the pile seemed to get higher by the minute. I didn't understand why everything was falling on his shoulders when there were so many other family members present to ease the burden.

He'd been named the the executor of the will, so he was taking care of all the business ends of dying. And then on top of it, he was suppossed to try to help make a funeral happen on a budget that wasn't enough, no matter how he tried to stretch it.

If that wasn't enough, he was meant to taxi about 5,000 people from the airport back to Ground Zero throughout the day.

Lounging on the beach would have to be saved for another day.

I jumped into the truck with Emmett and opened up my notepad. "Okay, Mr. Go-To Guy. Let's start making a list of everything that needs to be done. And get all the contact numbers we need right now. We'll make calls while we drive back and forth from the airport."

Emmett's furrowed eyebrow smoothed out as he grinned at me.

I played innocent back:"What? Is Emmett only allowed to be the capable matyr around here? Am I stepping on your spiritually sacrificing toes?"

All morning until early afternoon, we picked up and dropped off human cargo while taking care of business on the phone; from shutting down credit cards, to finding the best "deals" in town for the funeral. Emmett and I had a great good cop/bad cop tag team going on; Emmett would start off the conversation, trying to get what he needed with an extra spoonful of pleasant. And when that didn't work, I'd bring up the rear.

"Are you kidding me? Explain how a dead man in Hawaii bought blow glass figurines in Spain two days ago? If you can't figure this out, give me your name and the name of your manager so we can have a little chat about you and your customer service skills."

I smirked at Emmett - he nodded in approval.

Weren't we a regular Scully and Mulder.

**xx**

_" I bet seeing you be all domineering was sexier for him than bangle earrings even." I could hear Alice clapping her hands in approval in the background._

_Bellice? Sweet, sweet girls. But extremely perky. And hyper. Like they had a constant IV drip of mashed- up Fruit Pebbles going straight into their bloodstream._

_"I don't know about Emmett, " I confessed, "but it worked wonders on his sister at least earlier today."_

_"Oh, no , Rose. Did you make her cry?"_

_"Or suck her thumb out of trauma," Bella chimed in._

_"Of course not. She's my mini-me, remember?"_

**xx**

Ram joined us on an airport run in early afternoon. She made sure to sit between us, and refused to acknowledge me in any capacity, even when I tried to play nice.

Amateur- she didn't know who she was dealing with.

When Emmett stopped to get some gas, I waited until he closed the door.

"Listen, pipsqueak. I get it. You don't like me. You've made your point. And don't think I didn't hear all the things you were calling me last night either when I arrived. I heard the Barbie remarks, and that I was a dumb palangi..."

Ram's eyebrow raised.

"That's right. I googled it. Palangi as in whitey in Samoan. Or cracker...or honky, take your pick."

A faint smirk grazed her lips.

"Now if you aren't going to meet me halfway, that's your choice. But I know you love your brother, and wouldn't want to add to his stress right now by making him worry we don't get along. He's got so much to do, and too little time and money to do it right. I'm literally begging people on the phone to give me a better deal on a coffin for hell's sake. And then there's the fact his eyes tear up when he gets a moment to himself because he's grieving..."

I trailed off once I realized Ram had tears overflowing from her own eyes.

Shit, Wolfgirl struck again.

Of course she knew he was grieving. Her uncle was more of a father figure to her than he was to Emmett. Ram had been so young when her father passed that her uncle would have filled that spot since she was a child.

And I just talked about coffin shopping like I was picking out furniture.

I tried to wrap my arm around her but she wasn't having it. I settled for patting her knee. "Listen, I'm sorry I was insensitive right now. I know you were close to your uncle too..."

She began to cry harder, making me panic.

"It's okay, I understand..."

"No you don't," she shot back bitterly.

Think Wolfgirl. Think....

"Maybe I don't exactly. But let me put it this way. At least the only thing seperating you from your father and uncle is death. They want to be with you more than anything, but something bigger than them got in the way. My mom left me when I was a little girl just because. Hasn't contacted me in years even though I know she's alive and well. So, I understand a little bit, in my own way, what it's like to be left behind. At least you know they'd both be by your side if they could."

The hard line her mouth was taking softened as she nodded. She amended my statement slightly: "They are by my side, even now."

Emmett got back into the car in silence. He noticed we had been having an exchange, but didn't pry.

Smart boy.

"Who are we picking up, " Ram sniffled out, trying to dry her eyes.

Emmett exhaled a drawn-out sigh. "Auntie Delona and Uncle Fasi."

"Of all the trips to tag along with, I pick THIS one," Ram cried out in annoyance.

I soon learned why.

Said Auntie and Uncle were waiting outside the baggage claim in a no-parking zone. We couldn't hear them yet, but you could tell said Auntie was bitching about something or another, pointing to her neck dramatically.

They were both in wheel chairs. Very heavy. And we were in a truck that was set upon such huge tires, you needed a step ladder just to get into the cabin.

"How the heck are we getting them in this car?"

Emmett explained they weren't crippled, the wheelchairs were mainly to help support their weight.

Which didn't help answer my question any better to be honest.

Because once we stopped in front of them in a red zone, our car blocked the lane of traffic. We needed to get them into the car quickly.

And they didn't look like they'd be sprinting it to the truck.

"Ram, get all their luggage into the truck bed, and I'll try to get these two into the backseat," I called out as I swung open the door and ignored Emmett's pleas to let him help them instead.

"No, stay where you are, Em. We need a quick getaway for the traffic piling up behind us."

Delona didn't even greet us - she just lit into the fact we were late and she hurt her neck on the plane flight over, and she was missing a bag and---

" I'm Fasi," the uncle interrupted as he took my hand. "Aren't you lovely."

Sweet.

"You must be Rose."

Scary.

Two casual dates and Uncle Fasi from Utah even knew all about me.

"Hi. Well, this Rose needs to help you get into the car fast before we get a ticket."

Fasi was a sport.

It took some effort, but he was able to manuever himself into the cabin while he used my shoulder as a hand grip.

But Delona?

She made up enough drama for the both of them.

"I can't do it. I can't! It's too need to get another car."

I tried to reason with her that there were no other car "options." That there were cars behind us honking, and we would get a ticket if we didn't hurry.

"I'm not going to let you fall, Auntie, "I reassured her. "It will be easy as pie."

Ram gave me a quick look that let me know my efforts would be in vain.

"No!"

When I refused to give into her whining, she began to cry. Dry faced, tearless crying that was really just her shaking her voice and head while putting her hands over her mouth.

I looked down the long roadway--a police car was turning and heading in our direction. If reasoning didn't work with Delona, maybe coercion would.

I shook her by the shoulders lightly to get her to listen.

"Here's the deal, Auntie. On the count of three, I'm going to start pushing you up towards the backseat and the step ladder, whether you like it or not. And if you don't help** me **help **you** get into the truck, you're going to fall straight on your ass on the pavement. It will make your neck feel like a holiday."

Everyone else just stared at me in shock for a quick second. I just shrugged my shoulders, knowing sometimes being raised by wolves had it's socially awkward advantages. "On the count of three, Auntie..."

**xx**

_"Oh god, I bet you had Ram eating out of your hand after that, "Bella chimed in._

**xx**

Not quite--but we were definitely making progress.

Delona would not shut up the whole ride home. If she wasn't accusing me of hurting her back permanently with my "manhandling," she was picking on Ram. About her posture, about her manners of all things - about her hair.

"Why would you cut it? You had the most beautiful hair, and now you chopped it off into a boy's style."

I turned around with a death stare. "Auntie, her pixie hair is very fashion forward. Victoria Beckham would sell off two of her children for Ram's facial features to pull of such a cut."

Ram's grateful smile was contagious - I smiled back just as widely in response.

"I'm not your AUNTIE anything," Delona muttered back under her breath as she looked out the window.

Ram caught my gaze, and we both broke out in hysterics together. And then she gave me what possibly could have been the biggest compliment ever after such a horrid first impression:

"You look like a Barbie," Ram whispered," but you act like a Tita."

Definite progress.

**000000**

_"Talk softly - everyone's asleep," I warned._

_"Do you still have a kid on the edge of the bed playing Sleeping Kitty Cat tonight?" Bella was getting too much enjoyment out of the sleeping arrangements of Emmett's family.._

_"Nope, I'm actually in a hotel. Five stars even."_

_Bella and Alice were both quiet for a pause, before a round of gleeful giggles rang out. "Are you and Emmett living in sin at this very moment? Or are you basking in post-sin glow while he's sleeping?"_

_Hardly._

**xx**

After we got the last airport pickup, Emmett and I went around to scrounge up more money. Emmett was amazing, contacting people in the family and neighborhood, gathering money quickly to help out with the expenses.

By 5:00 PM, he'd collected enough money to cover expenses, and we'd tackled a good portion of the phone calls that needed to be made as the executor of the will.

"How about some dinner," he finally asked as the sun was setting along the ocean horizon.

I nodded in agreement. "Just stop at the McDonald's down the road, I'm in the mood for french fries."

**xx**

_"You hate french fries," Bella interrupted._

_"Yeah, but come on, the guy was going door to door for handouts today, I didn't want him to think I expected anything that cost more than a couple bucks."_

**xx**

Emmett just smiled and took my hand. "No, we deserve more than a Big Mac after the day we've had."

I argued I didn't want to spend any cash, not after knowing how much he'd already contributed money wise to the funeral expenses.

It had basically wiped out his savings account.

"I've got a good compromise, trust me," was all he answered back.

We pulled into a luxury resort down the road about ten minutes away. Live Hawaiian style music swayed through the air as we walked towards the open-aired hotel lobby. There were no walls inside- just windows from the ceiling down to the floors that let you take in the ocean views all around you.

"Would you look at that," I said in a whisper. I'd never seen anything so perfect in all my life.

I was in Hawaii. Watching the sunset. With music playing the background.

So far away from home.

I liked it.

Emmett nudged me with his hand to follow him.

He led me down a hall - that led us down another hall. That led us to an "employees only" door - which led us to another hall. A young man was waiting at the very end, smiling widely.

He greeted Emmett with a hug; Emmett thanked him.

"You must be Rose," he said, when he finally turned to me.

Did I have my name stamped on my forehead or something?

**xx**

_"More like Emmett has it stamped on his forehead," Alice suggested._

_"Aw, that's sweet," Bella blurted out._

_No. That thought was just plain scary. And maybe more accurate than I wanted to admit to._

**xx**

He opened up the service door that led us outdoors - to the prettiest little secluded garden area with an ocean view. The resort luau was in full swing on the beach below, with music and dancers performing as the sun set. Our little folding table was neatly decorated with flowers and flickering candle votives. A single plumeria sat on my plate, with pink and yellow borders. Emmett picked it up and put it behind my left ear.

**xx**

_"Awww...his cousin set it up the table just for you guys?"_

_Yep._

_"I want a cousin like that. All my cousins are kinda aholey," Bella chimed in._

_I hadn't seen a single cousin since I was a kid myself._

**xx**

The cousin worked at the luau buffet. He waited for us to be seated, then "took" our order.

"Give us a little of everything, Brian," Emmett looked back at me. "You like fish and seafood, right Rose?"

"Canned or fresh," I asked suspiciously, while Emmett gave me a scolding smile.

"No pastuerization tonight, Rose. Only the freshest."

Emmett and I giggled as we watched Brian scurry back to the his beachside work station and put together our plates in a sly manner. He was back within a couple minutes, a sly grin plastered on his face.

"I'll be back with your juice in just a minute," he promised.

**xx**

_"Aw, you finally got a Mormon Mai Tai tonight?"_

_Something like that._

_"Was the food delicious," Bella asked._

_"Best food I'd ever had. The fish melted in my mouth."_

_"And the company," Alice inquired._

**xx**

First rate.

Every other minute, Emmett would stare at me with an analytical eye - and then proceed to laugh something awfully hearty.

It was the only laughter I'd heard in days from him.

"I can't believe you told Delona, of all people, you were going to let her fall on her ass. I thought Ram was going to fall off the seat with that revelation."

The memory of Ram's gleefully surprised face made me laugh myself.

"Ram's a great girl. She does remind me of myself a little."

A lot, in fact.

He nodded silently with a satisfied smile. "I knew you two would get along."

It mattered to him that out of all his sisters, Ram and I got to know eachother. He'd told me on more than one occasion that we would be quite a pair together. Natalie and Teana were very close, so Ram had often been the younger third wheel.

His face grew more serious.

"You were amazing today. The way you handled everything without a hitch."

Sweet.

"Delona, Ram..Just having you by my side to help me all day.."

Sweet...but nudging just slightly into scary territory...

"It meant a lot. More than you know."

And....destination Scarytown had just been realized.

He grabbed my hand and kissed it all reverently and shit again, like I was the Pope or somethng.

"It doesn't mean much at all," I blurted out finally. " I mean, that's what we do for friends and family, right? We help them out when they need it."

**xx**

_"Oh, Rose, you called him a friend? Please tell me you didn't down grade him to just a friend!"_

_It had to be done though. I didn't want him to misunderstand what I was doing for him for the rest of the trip._

_"What did he do when you said that," Bella asked._

_"Not much. He just gave me a funny little smile, and then started cracking up about Delona again."_

_"Just be careful with him, Rose. Like you said once, he's hard on the outside, but all soft and gooey in the middle. Emmett's got a soft, nougat center."_

**xxx**

After dinner, we walked around the property for awhile, as Emmett pointed out landmarks to me.

"I used to swim out to that tiny island right there. Nat and I would have lunch there almost everyday when we visited in summer."

Lucky boy.

Our walk ended where it began--in the lobby. Emmett told me to wait there for a moment as he went to the reception counter.

Emmett came back within a few minutes, room key card in hand.

"Let's go."

_**xx**_

_"Emmett got you two a room? That guerilla undercover pimp!" Bella laughed in the background while Alice did some weird victory squeal._

_"Hold onto your prophylactics and let me finish, you two." _

_Geesh, Bellice were so one tracked minded now that they'd let the Lumpy Oatmeal and the Cream of Wheat fill their morning breakfast bowls._

_**xx**_

"I'm fine at your aunt's house, I swear. I like it there. Honest."

Emmett just laughed in my face like I had just told him the funniest joke.

I tried to think of any excuse so that he could save his money--even if his aunt did give him a great rate.

"I don't have my luggage with me."

"No worries, Rose."

Ten minutes later, Nat drove up in an old klunker, suitcases and Ram in hand.

What started out as a luggage drop-off, turned into sibling power play, Ram style.

"Why can't I stay with them? They have a huge room with two beds. Rose wouldn't mind. Would you?"

The little stinker gave me the most innocent look as she put me on the spot.

Impressive.

"Of course," I said slowly, as Nat shook her head furiously behind Ram and Emmett put a finger to his neck and sliced across it."Of course...she...can.."

Nat's shaking became more frantic....

"stay?"

**xx**

_"Wow. Ram totally played you like a cello," Bella piped in. "She's like the Yo-Yo Ma of manipulative, emotional string plucking."_

_"I know, right? I didn't know if I wanted to strangle her, or tell her well-played."_

_"I vote for strangling her," Alice added. " I mean, Mormon base blocking you two is so wrong."_

_Mormon base blocking?_

_"Yeah, Ram totally blocked Emmett's attempt at a Mormon base steal," Alice answered knowingly. "You don't know the Mormon version of base hits?"_

_  
No._

_"First base is hand holding. Second base is kissing. And third base? The base Emmett was trying to slide into tonight--"_

_"He's not sliding into anything," I warned._

_"Let me finish, Rose. Emmett was trying to slide into third base--which is cuddling and possibly even spooning with your clothes on horizontally. Ram totally Cot-blocked him!"_

**xx**

The evening wasn't a total loss. Ram, Emmett and I all went for a night swim in the pool and checked out the arcade.

But the highlight? Watching Emmett walk out of the shower.

Ram and I had already taken ours. I was given one bed, and Ram was planning on sleeping with Emmett in the other. I had turned off most of the lights in our room, save it the hall lamp. And there came Emmett, walking out in all his glory.

**xx**

_"In all his glory? As in he walked out nakey?" Bellice's overeagnerness concerned me. _

_Embear-is-like-a-brother-to-me my ass._

_"NO. He walked out in all his __ethnic__ glory."_

_Silence on the other end._

_"Like Kiwi...__**glories**__ are bigger than like..American....__**glories**__..." Alice's voice was low. Slightly wanting. And completely disturbing when it emphasized "glories" in a lascivious manner.._

_Sigh. _

_"And you two say I'm the pervert of the bunch."_

**xx**

By ethnic glory, I meant his choice for nightwear apparel. No goofy flannel pj bottoms for this boy. No stretched- out boxers either.

No, this dude was sporting a white undershirt garment top - with a sarong/lava lava wrapped around his waist.

His garment top screamed --"Hands off! I'm a priest." But the sarong deal on the bottom? Said something like, "Come to Papi," if I was translating my Spanglish correctly.

**xx**

_"Like he was wearing a wrap around skirt with a big ol' slit up the middle, showing off those ample gams of his? Get outta town," Bella said in an almost reverent tone. _

_"Yep. I'm telling you, Kiwis do everything better. They even pwn in sleep apparel."_

_"Where did he tie his knot exactly? Like sorta hanging low on hips or what?" I could almost hear Bella visualizing him in that moment._

_"Yeah, how low was it," Alice chimed in. "Was his pelvic V spot exposed at all? Because if any ethnic group could pwn in the Pelvic V Spot department, I'd place money on the Kiwis."_

_I cleared my throat dramatically._

_"Question for Bellice: When did you guys confuse me with a phone sex operator? Do you want me to have Father Emmett meet you in a confessional in nothing but his slutty slitted skirt next so he can tell you what bad girls you've been?"_

_Silence on the other end. _

_As if they were seriously contemplating the offer._

_**xx**_

I couldn't totally blame them of course. I eyed him the way a fat kid eyes his last Ho-Ho while he sauntered over to his bed.

Who knew skirts showed off the male figure so well?

We all said goodnight and settled under our covers. But none of us closed our eyes right away. Instead, we were all lying on our sides, facing one another.

Emmett caught my gaze first and he gave me one of those dimple- grinned specials, complete with a mouthed "thank you." Most likely for entertaining Ram for the evening like a freaking sport.

Sweet.

But Ram got my attention next. She didn't mouth anything - just smiled at me. A smile that seemed equal parts admiring - and expectant. Expectant of what? I didn't know for sure. But if I had to bet money, expectant that I would be sticking around for a long time to come, and that ours was a start of a rascally subversive relationship.

Scary. Very, very scary.

**000000**

The last part of this chapter will be posted in a couple days.

additional a/n:

1) Emmett's background as hinted at or established so far in the story: Emmett is a Mormon returned missionary from New Zealand. But I have him connected with Hawaii, and wanted to explain the reason for this, just in case people were scratching their heads over it. On the North Shore of Oahu, there is a town named Laie where many different types of Polynesian Mormon families have settled in, via the church college there. Many Polynesians(Samoans, Tongans, Fijians, New Zealanders, Tahitians, Hawaiians), have intermarried in Laie. As a result, people with familial ties to Laie, often have multiple island backgrounds. That is how I see Emmett. Probably half white, half Heinz Polynesian 57- namely Maori(native NZ) with a dab of Samoan and then relatives of Tongan and other Polynesian descent through marriage.

one more time: Sevenmom is all goodness and light for her generous participation with the Support Stacie Auction. Goodness and light, ya'll!


	55. Perks of Being Raised By Wolves 2

**The Perks of Being Raised By Wolves, Part 2**

**a/n: Thanks for the reviews. Next chapter will be up soon with Bella going home to the Cullens for Thanksgiving.**

**a/n**: This chapter works like last chapter, where Rose is telling Bellice what happened each day. **The italiacs are the actual phone exchanges between Bellice and Rose.**

**a/n**: **The chapter has four links on the profile. **

1)UB40 is everywhere in Hawaii, and "**Breakfast In Bed**" is like the musical equivalent of lazily waking up alongside a sarong-ed Emmett on a Sunday morning .lol

2)UB40 song **"Come out To Play**" which I hear playing while Rose is spear fishing

3)a** Koru design pendant **that is mentioned in the chapter. Koru pendants are gorgeous and Maori design pieces in general are just beautiful.

**a/n**: a mu'umu'u is a very loose, modest fitting dress that was introduced to the Hawaiians by Western missionaries because the Hawaiians were too naked for their tastes.

**a/n: Memory prompts from last chapter:**

1) **Chesire Smiling Cat Teen Contingent**--Emmett's teenaged cousins

2) **Natalie, Teana, Ramnadi**- Emmett's three sisters

3) **Auntie Delona**- pain in the ass auntie who wouldn't get in the car at the airport

4) **Uncle Fasi** - hubby of pain in the ass auntie who's nice

5) Emmett has so many extended family relatives, Rose just** identifies the aunts and uncles by number **in this chapter.

6) **Jerusha**- Emmett's mom's name

**a/n: Again, thanks to Sevenmom for her generous auction donation for the Support Stacie Auction. She's the best bidder ever!**

**Breakfast in Bed,**

**Kisses For Me,**

**You Don't Have To Say You Love Me.**

**--"Breakfast In Bed"**

**ROSE**

**xx**

"_Okay, you want the good news or the bad news first?"_

_"Go--Ba--ood--d!" Bellice, for once, was __not__ in total unison._

_"Fine, good news it is," I decided as the honorary tie breaker._

_"This paleface is a living legend in his family now. They even gave me a nickname because my mine was too long--"_

_"Um...Rose," Bella interjected. "Your name is one syllable long."_

_"Yeah, but his family seems intolerant of consonants, so they shaved my name down to Ro."_

_Alice let out a sigh. "As in rowboat? No.....that won't do for our Rose. Rowboats are boxy. And rowboat paddles are pear shaped. Our Rose is perfectly hour glassed dimensioned. Tell them to go back to the drawing board--"_

_"But I __like__ Ro."_

It was like** Em**(mett). Or **Nat**(alie). Or **Ram**(nadi) and **Tey**(ana)......

**xx**

Earlier in the morning after our first night in the hotel, we headed back to his aunt's house at Ground Zero where all the family gathered.

Whereas I was simply a pretty appendage to Emmett the first night I met everyone, I was now a curiousity in my own right.

_"It was all Delona's doing, you guys. She told everyone about me manhandling her and cussing at her at the airport. And all that did was endear me to everyone."_

Apparently, Delona wasn't just a thorn in Ram's ass - she was a thorn in the whole family's ass.

I was greeted with hugs and winks. Knowing smiles and congratulatory head nods.

_"Wow, "Alice mused," so they don't mind that our beautiful Rose was raised by wolves?"_

_"Alice, they don't just not mind it -- it's like they all __speak __Wolf fluently themselves.."_

I told them the very moment I made this discovery.

Emmett had asked if anyone could taxi me out to the Swap Meet on the other side of the island while he was busy with family affairs in the morning.

Uncle #213 interjected though: "Ho, Em, all they sell at the swap meet are da kine mu'u mu'us. You don't want Ro to buy a mu'u mu'u - she'll grow into it before you even marry her!"

_"NO...." Bella gasped into the phone. "There's always one of those uncles at every family gathering. Usually the same uncle who's been recently paroled too - what did you do?"_

I did what I always did. My mouth started moving before I had a chance to self-edit: "Says the uncle who looks like he's wearing a maternity shirt for his beerbabied belly."

It didn't even occur to me what I'd done, I was so used to spouting off my mouth at work - until I realized the whole house was watching me in stunned silence.

_"And right when I was about to apologize, Uncle BeerBabied Belly started cracking up. Like slapping-his-knee-cracking-up. And everyone else followed suit. Aunt #146 even asked him when the delivery date was."_

_"It's like you've been reunited with your long lost Wolf Pack, Rose," Alice added breathlessly . "How could you have any bad news after all that? You are hitting familial homeruns left and right with your somewhat-offensive-yet-endearing-charm."_

Good and bad news always traveled in pairs when it came to me:

_"Why the hell didn't you guys remind me about the effects of water on white bikini tops?"_

After my Delona stand-off made the rounds in the family, I was like the belle of the ball. Various relatives were wanting to fill my dance card with activities and outings. Emmett was going to be busy all morning dressing his uncle's body for the viewing tomorrow--

_"Yikes, " Bella voiced. "Isn't that what funeral homes were for?"_

Usually.

But Emmett and his uncles wanted to be the ones to dress him.

Sweet.

A little scary, but sweet.

Emmett's sisters were busy helping his still elusive mother across town. So I was stuck figuring out how to spend my one and only true vacation day in paradise.

_"Invitations to the swap meet poured in, offers to take me hiking to a waterfall, a trip into Waikiki..."_

_Bellice showed approval with a couple "ewwws" and "ahhhhs."_

_"So, what did you end up picking, Rose?"_

_"The ocean, of course."_

With the Chesire Cat Smiling Teenage Hormonal Contingent.

_"You went with those little pervs to the beach? In THAT bikini?"_

_"Not just the beach, Bellice. They offered to take me underwater fishing with them. With spears!"_

_"You can take the girl out of the wolfpack, but you can't take the wolfpack out of the girl," Alice muttered philosophically._

Emmett wasn't exactly jubilant with my morning date choice. He took me aside with his concerned eyebrows that raised in suspicion every time he looked back in the gleeful contingent's direction.

"Ro-"

_"He calls you Ro too now?"_

_"Yep." _

_An audible Bellician sigh was heard on the line._

"Ro, if you can just sit tight for a couple hours, I'll take you to the beach myself. Anything you want. " He kept looking back between the contingent and me warily.

"Nonsense," I answered, "Go dress up that Uncle of yours all spic and span for his big blowout tomorrow, I'll be fine---"

_"You said that to him?" Alice asked with slight alarm._

Why wouldn't I? It made him laugh at least. And I pointed out that I had more than my fair share of experience with hormonal attention back home:

_"_I chew up and spit out boys twice your cousins' age before I take my first break at work," I reminded him. "We'll get along fine."

He escorted me to the car, threatening his cousins with bodily harm if they did anything reckless with me in tow. And then he threatened them some more as he picked out a plumeria from a nearby tree and placed it behind my left ear.

_"Again?," Bella wondered outloud. "He sure likes sticking flowers behind your ear."_

Apparently.

And then he threatened me not to be a daredevil, no matter what his cousins challenged me to do:

"Can it, Em. I'm good to go. I want to live to see another day filled with helping Delona's cranky ass get in and out of a monster truck in a no-loading zone."

I shook a second laugh out of him and it wasn't even 8:00 AM yet.

_"Did they behave? Did your cleavage behave as well?," Alice inquired_. _"Wait a minute, what am I saying? Your cleavage never behaves!"_

Yes, the boys behaved, once I gave them a quick precautionary warning as we sputtered down the highway in an old, rusty Astro minivan:

"Okay, here's the deal, boys. If any of you attempt to feel me up or sniff my hair under the guise of being my cousin again, I'll drop-kick your ass without a second thought."

Some nervous giggles rang out from the back seat.

"But if you teach me how to do this spear fishing thingy right, I'll treat you all to some lunch afterward. Deal?"

"Deal..... Cousin," The driver said with a flirtatious wink.

Cheeky lot.

The morning went by fast, and his cousins were equal parts adorable and rascally. I wondered if Emmett had ever been so carefree at their age - I guessed not.

Our interactions together were all based on give and take. We bonded quickly over something that cuts through class and cultural and racial lines -

_"You broke bread together?" Bella asked. _

_"No, silly - they offered to teach me cusswords in Samoan if I taught them cusswords in Spanish."_

_"Oh, Rose - such a philanthropist for insisting that no child be left behind in foreign language edumacation, "Alice drawled. _

Our give-and-take continued throughout the morning. They promised to show me how to use the fishing spear underwater - on the condition that I strapped on a mini-knife sheath around my upper thigh.

"We can never be too careful, Cousin," Flirtatiously Winky Cousin said with the most innocent of eyes. "Emmett told us to keep you as safe as possible. Double the weapons means double the protection."

I called bullshit on their request.

"You just want me to strap a knife around my thigh so I look like some perverted super heroine character from an explicit comic book you have stuffed underneath your mattress alongside your Playboys."

Flirtatiously Winky Cousin feigned shock.

"Actually, we were going for Halle Berry's Jinx in that James Bond movie," he answered with a up-to-no-good grin. "A purely PG-13 rated request."

I agreed to the knife sheath around my thigh, but only on the condition they gave me a surfing lesson later sometime.

"Deal," they all said in Cheshirey unison.

_"Rascals, the lot of 'em, " said Bella._

The ocean water was so warm, it felt like I was slipping into a spa. Which made my snorkeling and spear fishing lesson that much easier.

_"So, I was under the water, and it took some time getting used to using my snorkel and holding my breath and holding onto my spear when I dove deeper. But I saw turtles, and jellyfish and --"_

_Alice stopped me quick. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, sealife is fine and all. But get to the good part where you got out of the water finally and showed your wonderous niplets off unknowingly to his cousins."_

_"Oh, not just his cousins," I interrupted. "I didn't just stop with the cousins."_

That would have been too easy....

**xx**

"I'm going to eat ten Big Macs and as many milkshakes as soon as I get on dry land," I yelled out to the Cheshire Contingent as we swam back to shore. We'd been in the water for a couple hours by then, and my body felt like dead weight as I nudged it towards shore.

Most of the boys were ahead of me by then, reaching the shore already. I willed myself to paddle harder to catch up, my legs feeling heavy as they finally stood upright and was pushed along by breaking waves behind me.

I was in the middle of taking off my snorkel gear and shaking the excess water out of my hair when a sudden boom called out across the beach - with my name attached to it:

"ROSE!"

_"Emmett, "Bellice squeaked._

Yes. Flanked by a Uncle #485 and Uncle #542 no less.

_"Emmett was witnessing you walk out of the ocean like Venus rising...?" Alice's voice was full of wonder._

Uh huh.

_"And Emmett was witnessing you shaking your wet hair around, in a stringed bikini with a knife sheath strapped to your thigh AND...."Bella couldn't quite finish the sentence because she started giggling._

_"Yes," I answered, "and a just-add-water-to-cause-all-hell-to-break-loose-see-through-bikini-top."_

Emmett was hardly dressed for beach frolicking - he was in his Sunday best with a white shirt, tie and dress slacks. But that didn't stop him from kicking off his shoes and sprinting toward me like a bat out of hell.

_"or a priest out of a whorehouse...." Bella mused._

_Alice cut off Bella: "What did you think was happening, Rose?_

I wasn't sure at first.

Was there a shark behind me and Emmett was coming to my rescue?

Did one of his cousins text him that I'd just taught them how to say "chingas tu madre" and Emmett was trying to prevent me from instilling further verbal childhood endangerment?

Was he on fire and he was running to the water to put out the flames?

_"Oh, he was on fire, alright," Bellice shot back, with what I imagined were self-satisfied grins for buying me the bikini in the first place._

Sin inducers.

I yelled back his name but he just kept charging my way, soaking his pants as he went ankle deep into the water. His fingers had unbuttoned his shirt within seconds.

Going with the "maybe he's on fire" angle, I tried to move out of his way. But with every couple steps I moved to the right, Emmett would course correct by the same amount of steps. I moved to the left next - he did too.

_"Hold on a minute, Rose. Belt or no belt on Emmett's pants?" Alice asked like an investigative reporter._

_Huh?_

_"No belt," I answered._

_Bella chimed in next: "Nice. So with no belt, how low did his pants fall on his hips exactly?" _

Sigh - Bellice.

Always trying to get a good visual image of Emmett's V-pelvic muscle cleavage.

_"Keep up with me, you two pervs. So he was sloshing towards me into the water and stopped right in front of me." _

_"He still hadn't said anything to you, either? " Bellice inquired._

_"Not a word. But his face, you guys....I'd never seen him like that before. He was looking at me like I was something to.... eat?"_

_I added that last part in the form of the question._

_No one likes a smug bitch._

_"YES! If anyone can get a priest hot under the collar, it's Rose," Bella snorted._

_"I prefer thinking of Emmett as a Friar," Alice interrupted._

_I could almost hear the sneer on Bella's face as she responded: "Ew, Friar? Like as in Friar Tuck of Robin Hood with the bowl haircut?"_

_Alice waited a beat before adding, "Well, for Emmett I was going more for Friar Hot Fuc---"_

_"Enough with your incestuous longings," I snapped. "So, there he is just standing in front of me...."_

"Rose," Emmett said in a low voice, his eyes competing for loyalty between my face and....well....

_"-your Areolas Borealis?" Alice chimed in._

Something like that.

"Your top, it's really wet." His eyes lingered downward with that revelation.

I still hadn't caught on:

"Yeahhhh....that's what happens when you go in the water." I followed his gaze downward and finally figured out his meaning.

"Oh...oh Hells Bells...!"

My hands went straight to my breasts as I looked up at Emmett hopelessly.

"It's okay," he said with a low chuckle as he wrapped his dress shirt around my shoulders.

With a kiss.

A soft but firm kiss as he grabbed on the sides of the shirt to bring my body even closer into his chest.

_Alice let out a satisfied squeak: "Apparently Friar Emmett wanted the Areola Borealis display to be a one-man-only-show and he thought he'd enjoy it best in a braille medium."_

"Wow," I whispered with a slight giggle once he released my lips," why do I have a feeling that your next trick involves raising your leg and whizzing all over me, just in case someone on the beach didn't catch you marking me with your clothes and your lips?"

"I don't need to whizz on you - that's what the the flowers are for behind your ear," he shot back with a michievous smile - eerily similar to the Cheshire Cat Contingent.

_"What," bellice asked in unison._

"That bastard was putting all those flowers behind my ear 'cause a flower on the left side indicates you're taken. Dude was metaphorically whizzing on me under the guise of giving me a native makeover."

_Alice rejoiced: "Aw, between Emmett's floral whizzings and you giving him a Northern (Head)Lights laser show, the satyrs are bucking a celebratory jig on their hind legs in your honor!" _

**0000000**

_"So," Bella said expectantly. "You haven't called since yesterday. Get us up to speed." _

_I grimaced, trying to figure out how to bring up what I truly wanted to. My inner Wolfgirl was still rusty with the girl-bonding-talk._

_"Well...his sisters took me to the swap meet. And Ram bought me a shaved ice with her own money there. And Emmett's cousins snuck us into the beachfront luau at our hotel last night, and Ram cot-blocked us again by staying in our room. But this time she slept in my bed instead....."_

_Bellice was pleased. But that wouldn't last long._

_"And this morning, Emmett and I were stuck finding suits last minute for some of his relatives who didn't own any. And I met his mother, and she basically proposed marriage to me, and then I freaked out on Emmett right before the funeral because everyone knows my timing is worth shit, and I was in the supermarket today and I found my wedge heels on one of his cousins in the magazine aisle. Who I might add, is named Brian during the week, Brianna on the weekends, has overly plucked eyebrows, and can open a can of whoop ass like you would not believe for a delicate ninth grade boy who has an affection for leg warmers----"_

_"HOLD UP," Bellice yelled. "Backtrack. Stop being coy. What the hell happened?"_

I still wasn't sure.

_"I don't know what I'm doing here, other than making Emmett's day crappier than it already was. I want to come home."_

It started pleasantly enough. Emmett asked me if I'd help his mom in the morning while she did some last minute food preparations for after the funeral.

_"Aha, private mom time for you," Bellice figured out._

Exactly.

No one else was home when Emmett dropped me off. She greeted me with a hug so tight, it felt more like a reunion than an introduction.

"I'm so glad to finally meet you Rose, you're lovelier than Emmett described - and that's saying something." A knowing wink made my stomach flip- and not in a good way.

_"What was she like?"_

Like a portable heater, was the only way to put it. Emmett inherited that quality from her - where they exuded warmth not just from their words. Their whole presence, from their smiles to their eyes to their laughs, diffused a warmth that you could literally grab a hold onto.

If you were willing to reach out for it.

We started out with small talk as I helped her make a huge bowl of macaroni salad. We laughed over Emmett's idiosyncracies - from his refusal to step on cracks in the pavement for fear of bad luck, to his ability to recite any line from any Disney movie or musical by heart.

"He watched all the girls after school from the time he was twelve while I was at work, "Jerusha explained," Disney movies helped him with the babysitting."

I was feeling comfortable; too comfortable really, and my words spilled out before I could stop myself: "You'd think he'd learn how to be a better cook with all that babysitting. Everything he makes me revolves around canned meat and Top Ramen Noodles."

Jerusha grimaced. "That's not his fault, really. We lived on a tight budget. I was working two jobs, and still hardly making ends meet. We received donations from our church's food storehouse often."

Donations of...canned meat and processed noodles.

Of course.

Stupid Wolf Girl. How many times had I made fun of his cooking and penchant for cheap food?

"Back where I come from, we can get pretty creative with boxes of Macaroni and Cheese."

She nodded in understanding - that I wasn't exactly born with a silver spoon in my mouth either.

We went onto other topics. She explained why Emmett was responsible for so much with his uncle's passing - that he was the oldest cousin of the extended family, and a second son to his uncle. In many ways, with his uncle's death, the torch was being passed to him, to look after his family members the way his uncle had looked after him.

"His father and his uncle always emphasized that his younger cousins and siblings would look up to him as an example; and Emmett, being Emmett, always took it to heart." She turned toward me with a grin. "Which is why I'm so glad he met you, Ro. The change in his tone lately just on the phone - he actually sounds his age for once."

She wiped her hands with a towel before leading me to a couch. Jerusha began to untie a cord she had around her neck that held a pendant of sorts.

"Emmett had asked me about this necklace the last time we spoke on the phone. I hadn't worn it for years...."

She took it off her neck and put it into my hand.

"Emmett's father gave it to me long ago."

The design was strange but beautiful - like a swirly line that had folded into itself to make a circle.

"It's a koru(koh-du) design. It represents a young fern stem, unfurling and extending itself upwards toward the sunlight for nourishment and growth. Emmett's father gave it to me years ago when we first started dating. He told me he saw everything in a new light once I came into his life."

_"Oh lawdy, " Bella breathed into the phone...._

"When Emmett asked me about it the other week, I had a feeling he wanted to give it to you."

I looked up at her with equal parts horror and confusion: "Seriously, we've only been dating a week or so, Jerusha. You should hold onto something so precious. I really don't deserve this."

She simply smiled, keeping her hand over mine, the pendant sandwiched between both our palms:

"I think you_ do _deserve this, Rose."

_Wow, no pressure there, Momma Emmett, Bella laughed out loud - a little too loudly. As if she was trying to make light of something that was anything but. She changed the subject quickly, probably trying to distract me more than anything. "Get to the freakout festivus with Emmett." _

He picked me up about an hour later; my face must have said everything, because he carefully closed my car door and cleared his throat when he got behind the wheel.

"What's wrong, Ro?"

I just shook my head. We were en route to his uncle's funeral - hardly the time to have a meltdown on him.

But Emmett didn't let it go. He pulled onto the side of the road at one point, insisting I tell him what had upset me so much.

I handed over the koru pendant to him. "Compliments of your mom. Jesus Christ, Emmett, what did you tell your family about us?"

It came out harsh and accusing and cold, colder than I'd meant to. Emmett's eyes widened at its harshness.

"I didn't tell her to give this to you. She must have done it on her own--"

"NO, you asked her about this just last week. Which goes along with your m.o., frankly. Like how you told me you loved me before you even took me out on a first date. And just when I started getting comfortable with the thought of dating you, I have your mom pawning family heirlooms off on me. "

Emmett sunk back into his chair slowly as he uttered a profanity or two under his breath. His head shifted upward toward the car ceiling. "Do you even remember what you said to me right before I told you I loved you?"

No.

"You told me that we couldn't be together because you liked me and you didn't want it to end up the way it always ended up for you. Where guys chase you and lose interest once they've caught you. You were running away from me-literally. I wasn't planning on telling you I loved you, but you gave me no choice. I didn't want to be lumped in with all the other idiots you'd come across."

It was my turn to sink into my chair, as I recalled what led up to his declaration. I hadn't given him choice - not really. But it was like the train had left the station, and I couldn't stop now.

Willful girl.

"But it's not just that, Emmett. It's like you set me up to look like a total bitch if I'm not completely thrilled with your mom is giving me family gifts with the understanding I'm marrying you. Or that Ram is getting too close too fast because she thinks I'll be her sister in no time flat. I'm feeling guilty when I have every right to be pissed at your right now, and it's not fair."

He let in a sharp nostril inhale-I'd gone too far. "You think I paraded out my sisters to somehow hook my claws into you better? You think I'm using my baby sister that way?"

Of course not. I was just being a reactionary idiot.

"No...it's just all too much for me. It's....suffocating."

We were parked in the church parking lot now; he had to go in, since he was helping with program. "I have a funeral to attend right now, so I can't get into this with you right now. But maybe instead of taking everything I do as a way to trick you into marrying me, you should take it for what it looks like. No tricks, no traps, Rose. Just a guy who was hoping that if he shared everything that mattered to him with you, you'd maybe want to share something back in kind. For once. Anything at this point would be a miracle."

He looked out the car window and let out a harsh laugh. "I don't even know all your brother's names still."

I tried to reach out to him but he got out of the car too quickly: "I gotta go in."

The funeral was beautiful; it went off without a hitch, thanks to Emmett's efforts. I looked at all his Cheshire cousins, who Emmett had helped with their ties earlier, before looking back at Emmett on the podium. How could there only be a about a seven year difference between them?

His mother was right. He looked older than his years around his family. It was a different Emmett than the one making me Top Ramen noodles in my apartment. Or playing ruby on the field back home while winking at me.

Ram put her head on my shoulder at some point. I caught Emmett watching, but he looked away before I could grab his attention.

_"Ohhh, Wolfy....I'm sorry," Alice said. _

_"I don't feel like I should be here anymore. I may fly home tonight on standby. One of his cousins already told me he'd take me to the airport....."_

_Bella wasn't so easy on me like Alice though -probably because she knew me better: "Oh shut up. You shouldn't be there? These people are eating up everything that comes out of your Tourette's Syndromed mouth like it's cotton candy. Of course you belong there! So man it up, honey, because the ball's in your court. Just talk to him, that's all he wants."_

_"But I don't even know what to talk about. He scares the hell out of me."_

_"Of course he's scary. Guys never see past your looks, and then some priest comes along and does just that in a perfectly Vpelvicmuscled package. That's a scary combo. Hot priests are highly taboo."_

_Alice yelled out from the back: "Yeah, I mean, Rose, this setup has Lifetime Movie Of the Week written all over it. Although they'd totally not do you guys justice because they'd cast Tori Spelling to play you and that whore Mario Lopez to play Friar Emmett...."_

_I could see this conversation was heading in the direction that all Bellice and Rose conversations headed - straight to the stream of consciousness. The possibility of discussing the merits of Tori Spelling vs. Tiffani Amber-Thiessen portraying me in a movie entitled "Hot For Friar" for the next two hours made confronting my most favorite sweet-but-scary priest seem like a cake walk in comparison._

_"Okay, girls, I'm already bored to tears. I give up. I'll go find Emmett and talk to him right."_

_"Mission accomplished," Bellice sang back._

**000**

**TALK STORY**

I walked back into the house, determined to confront this head-on. Emmett had shared so much with me and I'd never given him anything back in return.

I racked my brain with what I could share. There were many things I would tell him eventually, but one thing in particular was shaping how I dealt with him more than anything else right now.

He needed to understand, even if I did leave tonight for home, why I kept keeping him at a distance. Why, having his family involved was upsetting me, because it was harder to push a young girl away than a grown man.

He deserved to understand.

I found him inside the house on a couch talking to some relatives when I silently took his hand. He was about to speak, but I put a finger on his lips to quiet him.

He followed me out of the house.

Across the street.

Down the pathway.

And onto the beach. We sat beside one another in the sand, our hands still clasped together.

The full moon was low in the sky this evening, full and round and overwhelming.

I silently cursed that there wasn't a crescent moon out instead, giving me better shelter in the darkness while I began to talk.

"My manager offered me a ride that night after work. My car was in the shop, I couldn't get a hold of my brothers. I was going to take him up on it - until he told me no girl looking like me should ever walk alone at night. I always hated when people treated my looks like handicap. So, I was going to prove a point. Always so willful."

On instinct, Emmett moved closer to me, but didn't touch me. His head looked down onto in the sand.

"I took the shortcut home, even though I knew better. But my feet were sore, and it was cold that night. Storm weather, like right before a rainfall. The punchline, Emmett? The "short" way shaved off five minutes tops. I chanced everything on five free minutes."

Emmett held my hand tighter, his thumb gently stroking my hand up and down.

"It all happened so fast; and yet it felt like forever, like it was happening in slow motion too. Does that make sense?"

He nodded his head. "Yeah, that's happened to me before too. When you go into shock, time plays mind games with you."

I looked up into the sky, willing myself to continue: "There was more than one."

Too many.

Emmett let out a deep breath: "Can I hold you?"

I shook my head. "Let me get this out first. There was more than one. And the oddest thing popped into my head in that moment. I remembered watching an _America's Most Wanted _program once, when I was a young girl, where they featured this one woman's story. And how smart she had been in catching her assailant, because she was taking in every detail to identify him during the assault. His voice, any smells.."

Smells. Bile moved up my throat as vivid memories began to float to the surface of my mind.

"..accents, any physical markers. And I swear to God, that memory fired me up. Kept me willful and strong, Emmett. Something inside me yelled that I would make them pay. It's all I had to hold onto, concentrating on every detail to identify them later."

Emmett started praising me, putting an arm around my shoulder as he said that sounded like "his" Rose.

Not too fast, Em.

"But I started getting confused."

Too many.

"I couldn't keep all my details straight, they started jumbling into themselves, and I began panicking."

I didn't want pity right now - I'd always stopped short of telling anyone the whole story because I knew I'd receive pity from them -with the best of intentions. Or else verbal bandaids about "everything happens for a reason" or that I'd "come out of this stronger than before."

Bullshit.

Emmett handled it so differently though. He just sat there and listened and looked me straight in the eyes as I continued.

A first.

"To this day, I puke with the smell of menthol."

Or the touch of chapped, dry hands.

I told him how I was sure they would kill me towards the end, because their shared brutality was hitting a crescendo. Knees in my ribs, hands pushing my head into the wet gravel....

Too many.

"I wanted so hard not to let them see me cry, but I broke down when I wondered who would tell my dad. I wondered whether my mother would even find out."

Every last memory I had came out of me in a rush, before I even had time to censor myself. I even told him what happened after - how my family had no idea how to deal with the aftermath. How my brothers couldn't figure out a way to grieve with me, other than vowing to find and kill them. How much it broke my father's heart; and yet, his fustration at not knowing how to comfort me created an eerie silence between us.

I moved out on my own a couple months later.

It was the first time I ever told anyone the whole story. Mainly because people got so uncomfortable with the revelation, they felt the need to "fix" it in some way. Give me reassurance, or encouragement or a solution to a problem they couldn't even understand.

I had always worried Father Emmett, of all people, would fall into such a trap. He was a natural born fixer. But he didn't offer any solutions, or quaint sayings, or bible verses.

He just listened. Listened and looked me straight in the eye and held me.

"And to think I was given two chances to avoid it all. If I had just let my manager drive me home instead of trying to prove a point. If I'd just walked the extra five minutes. Instead, it was like I'd barreled my way down that alley, running headfirst into what was waiting for me."

So stubborn. So willful.

"Ro, you just wanted to get home. That's all any of us want in the end, to get back home."

That brought the tears then. I had wanted to get back home. But home would never be the same again.

"If I'd met you two years ago, I'd probably would have run off with you to New Zealand the first week we met. But I didn't meet you two years ago. I met you now. And whatever my gut tells me to do now, I automatically run the other way. I don't trust myself in the slightest."

His eyebrows furrowed, as if he didn't get my meaning. "What exactly are you saying about us, then?"

What was I saying? I was forgetting as I looked into his eyes...

"I can do the lone wolfgirl gig just it's not like I don't realize what I'm missing out on. It's just...after everything that's happened, I don't have the strength to take a leap of faith anymore. Not right now anyways, I don't have that luxury. I want a given when it comes to love, Em. But you can't offer me that, and I won't take the leap without it. Catch-22."

I waited for more thoughtful expressions from Emmett. But instead, he looked me square in the eye- and burst out laughing.

"Rose, that's the ONLY thing I have to offer you," he said after his chuckles died down. "The last time I checked, a Social Work major can expect to be one of the lowest paid undergrads around. I'm knee deep in family --"

"Eyeball deep, actually," I corrected.

"Forehead deep," he re-corrected. "I'll probably end up having a cousin or two living with me just like I lived with my uncle. Along with a sister or three at some point."

"Your life is seriously lousy in family," I pointed out. He nodded with an eyeroll.

"I couldn't even afford to take you out to a nice meal while we were here. I wished I could have taken you out on a proper date, a proper dinner... "

His face looked ashamed with that admission in particular for some reason. Of all the things to worry about.....

"Shut up. Both dinners were great. It made me feel like a rebel, eating for free - like I was sticking it to the White Man. Down with the Stupid Haole Imperialists!"

I got Emmett to laugh again as he leaned in and kissed my forehead. He quieted quickly though; and his face was very serious once I chanced a gaze in his direction.

"Nothing's a given in life, Rose. But I can control how I react to what life gives me. My father, and then my uncle, they taught me from an early age to take care of my loved ones. My father may be gone, but his presence walks alongside me every day. I never forget that."

I had no idea if he meant his father father, or his spiritual father. I was guessing he meant both though.

Sweet.

Without an ounce of scary even, when he explained things the way he did.

But I couldn't let him off that easily. I had to give him something to laugh about; because if Emmett did need more of something in his life, it was more laughter.

"Dude, you totally stole those last couple of sentences from the Lion King."

He gave me an offended look: "No, I didn't."

"Yeah, you did. I'm just waiting for James Earl Jones to pop in on a cloud and tell you to always remember who you are."

I waited for him to laugh or argue with me, but he just embraced me tighter in silence.

"You can trust me," he whispered softly.

"I know, Simba," I whispered back.

**000**

"Ram, we'll pick you up early for breakfast. 8:00 AM sharp."

Emmett was playing bad cop to my good cop as we let Ram know she wasn't coming home with us tonight.

She tried to eye-plead with me, but I simply pointed at Emmett, while making silent "he's crazy" finger signals and "caveman" charade gestures.

Emmett appeared displeased; but deep down, I knew he loved Ram and me tag teaming together.

I think he had hoped for such an alliance all along.

**x**

Emmett was still in the bathroom brushing his teeth when I got a text from Bellice:

"_Mario and Tori must have made up! Next on the agenda? Some Mormon style pop fly base hits?"_

Bastards.

I threw my phone on the nightstand and eased in under the covers in my favorite pair of flannel pajamas.

Upside of dating a priest? You don't waste oodles of money buying tacky shit made by child slave workers in Thailand at the local Victoria's Secret. I could wear some granny hi-cut brief panties hiked all the way to my ribcage and he'd never be the wiser.

I had no idea why we even needed alone time to be honest - Emmett was spiritually barred from giving up the goods until marriage, and I was emotionally barred from wanting anything more than a good kiss for a while.

But maybe it wasn't about "that," really. Maybe it was more about just having a special space marked out for just ourselves amid all the chaos and family.

Emmett turned the bathroom light off, which completely darkened the suite. I could hear his feet shuffling around on the floor - until they knocked straight into the coffee table.

"You okay?"

He muttered yes as he headed to the sliding glass door and swished open the draped curtains, letting the bright moonlight flood in.

Well....well...well...

Downside to dating a priest? If he was hot, and swaggering towards your bed in nothing but a flimsy little cotton wrap-around dude skirt/sarong and a tight white T and wet hair?

You go to the seventh ring of hell for objectifying one of God's chosen messengers. At least that's what Shia La Beouf said in that demon movie starring Keanu Reeves.

And I half believed Shia right then and there as I caught a quick peek at his V-cleavage staring out at me from above his sarong.

Going to hell seemed like a pretty fair trade for such a view.

"So, what's your poison, Priest boy?" I had to say something smart assed - he caught me checking out the cleavage.

He raised an eyebrow at me like I was on crack.

"Your poison, what does it for you and your fellow priests? Like is there a Mormon version of sensual fetishes I need to know about? I was wondering if I'd get your engines roaring by putting on a pioneer bonnet and churning out some butter old school style for you."

I waited for a laugh, a chuckle even. And waited.....

Instead, he slipped onto the bed quite gracefully for a big lug of a man, and sat down on his knees. "I special ordered you just as you were delivered, Ro. But...there are some religious customs I practice before I go farther than basic hugging or kissing with a girl. Something that would mean a lot to me if you adhered to them as well."

His face was all sincerity; lord, he wasn't kidding.

"Sure," I said uneasily, my imagination running away with me.

He took my hand, and had me sit down on my knees. Em then reached over to the nightstand and took out the Bible from the top drawer. He placed it in between both our hands:

"Rose, I promise to guard your virtue with all my power when I lay beside you in chaste intimacy."

I snorted, "Well, you're about six years late on that guarding, but.."

The somber stare he laid into me made me shut up. He nodded at me next, encouraging me to repeat that crap back to him.

What the....

"Uh, Emmett, I promise to guard your virtue with all my power when I lay beside you in chaste..." I couldn't finish it. It was too looney. "Good hell, do I really have to say this? Aren't the ratty flannels enough of a virtue guard for you?"

Emmett's lips began to tremble. And then his shoulders started next. Until his head flew backwards in a fit of barking laughter.

"YOU..." I cried out as it dawned on me I had just been played. My hands flew upward and out- slapping the side of his shoulder.

"Your face...your face when you were giving your pledge," he sputtered out in between the barks...

I pushed him backwards, causing him to fall onto the headboard harder than I meant to, but he still kept laughing. Em grabbed me by the wrists quickly when I came at him again and flipped me over onto my back.

A innocent action, really, just a part of the game we were playing like two kids on a playground.

But my body's cellular memory wasn't so reasonable - I sucked in a deep breath as my whole body stiffened to the dead weight on top of me. To the imprisoned wrists.

"Rose," he asked gently as his hands loosened their hold.

I waited a second before answering. "Yes."

_This is Emmett. This is here. This is now._

He gently picked up both hands and held them in front of him. "I wish I could, but I can't erase what happened. All I can do is try to make new memories to fill you up with. Memories that will come up first before any others."

He looked me straight in the eye as he began to pepper my wrists with kisses. Small, fluttering pecks that he linked into a bracelet along each wrist.

The kisses deepened as he stretcheded both arms over my head. He was kneeling on his knees now, hovering over me, as his lips moved up one arm, and trailed down the other.

Em was trying to give me space by hovering over me like he was.

But I didn't want space between us right now; the closer he was to me, the easier it was to remember it was him and him alone.

"Come here," I said softly, while knotting the sides of his sarong in both hands.

"I'm too heavy," he whispered back.

I wouldn't relent though, and my hands brought him crashing down in between my legs. Hard muscle and soft cotton pressed up against me; and for the first time in what seemed like forever, I felt it.

Desire.

I looked up. Emmett's hooded lids raked over my face as his breathing came out in uneven sports, and I felt a slightly different "it." An "it" that was just as important as the other "it" when it came to love:

Desire to be desired.

He was such a paradox. Emmett had a body made for sin, and a smile that doubled as a sort of welcoming ceremony for that sinning to commence. And yet, here he was suspended over me with a pained look on his face, silently pleading not push him places he couldn't go yet.

"Don't worry. I took an oath to guard your virtue. The only thing you'll have to do penance for tomorrow is a little passionate necking and some well-placed hickeys I'll give you-since I can't mark you with a flower."

He was about to say something witty back, I could tell by the arch on his brow, but I cut him off by pushing my head off the pillow to kiss him. Not the sweet, careful kisses we shared up until now that spotlighted our caution with one another. But a real kiss that told him everything he needed to know after today:

I trust you.

I know you.

I adore you.

I want you.

My lips crashed upwards - his opened reflexively to the pressure and he pushed me back onto my pillow. My arms stretched upwards on their own accord, wrapping themselves around his neck, both hands grabbing hold of his hair, more wavy than usual from the dampness. And as his head and neck moved in time with the pulsing of his tongue against mine, I couldn't help but feel smug. Watching Emmett's closely guarded control slip, even just a fraction, was beautiful to watch - and feel.

We were both trying to get used to eachother, to know when the other had reached their limits all night. Kissing with him on top, kissing with him on the bottom, to the side of me? All in the clear and in long supply.

Gnawing on his V-pelvicmuscle cleavage? Clearly a grey area.

It came about innocently enough. He'd just explained that my belly button was the most perfectly formed belly button in all of creation, when I sat up on top of him and declared his V pelvic muscles the most perfectly formed man cleavage in all the world.

"Look at IT, Michelangelo's David statue would throw a shitfit if he had to stand next to you. In fact, that's where I'm marking you; because little do you know, these two little lines right here cause all sorts of mischief on the female libido."

And yeah, I was talking to you, Bellice.

I scooted down until I was straddling his knees and began bent over the target area on his outer hip-

"Rose, baby, I...don't thin........k......"

I made contact on the top of his muscle indention and wasted no time latching on and sucking, wanting to make a big ol' mark that clearly read, "Rose was here. Back off, bitches."

But then I noticed his bent leg's heel digging into the mattress - very, very hard. And his other leg kicking up and down onto the mattress like he was having an epileptic seizure. And I wouldn't even know how to explain the contortions going on in his face ....

"Uh, am I breaking my oath right now?"

He nodded without even looking at me, his eyelids clenched tight.

As I retreated and found my spot in the crook of his arm, he finally exhaled. "Do that again, and it will be a one way ticket to Vegas for an elopement."

"Oh, I'm sure your family would just love that," I laughed out.

He stared at me with clear eyes: "They would. They love you. All of them do."

Sleep overcame him soon afterward, it had been a long day for him.

I woke up sometime later to my phone vibrating. I carefully untangled myself from Emmett's embrace and picked it up:

_"Did Mario and Tori slide into spooning third base, Mormon style, with Ram in the other bed?"_

I quickly answered before throwing the phone back on the nightstand and slinking back into Emmett's arms:

_"Mormon non-sex with Em pwns Oatmeal sex. Stop. Involves Vpelvicmuscle cleavage, hickeys, and my teeth. Stop. Try curling up to your dandies tonight with that revelation. Stop."_

**xx**


	56. Precious EsCargot

**Chapter 56: Precious (Es)Cargo(t)**

a/n: Sorry for the delay, real life is such a pain sometimes. Thanks for ALL the reviews! I really appreciate all your input and comments!

a/n: A song link for the song Bella is singing is on my profile page: The Donnas, "Take Me To the Backseat"

a/n: Here's a quick summary to read before proceeding since it's been awhile since an update:** Bella and Edward finally do the deed. Bella asks Edward why he allowed himself to fail two classes, which in turn made him ineligible for an important internship that would have helped him get into medschool. Edward isn't quite sure why he did it, but is beginning to question whether med school is the right path for him now. Bella mentions it's honorable to want to follow in his father's footsteps, but maybe following in his footsteps doesn't necessarily mean heading off to medschool, maybe following his father would ultimately mean a different path for him. They both agree Edward has time to decide what he truly wants to do - that maybe another year in school figuring that out would be an option for him. Bella confesses to Edward that her mother wants her to move back home for summer. They both decide to rearrange their Thanksgiving plans, with the intention of creating a united front together by facing their parents. Edward will explain to his parents that he may not want to go to medical school afterall, and that Bella is not ready to move back home in summer. And then they do the deed again. lol**

**xx**

**Rose:**

"You don't know that," Emmett whispered while shaking his head.

He leaned too far over the bar for the thousandth time tonight, probably pissing my boss off as we spoke. I brushed the hair off his forehead and poked that little dimple in the corner of his chin when he smiled at me. Touching pissed off Mr. Manager even more than over-leaning.

"Yes, I do know, Tricky. I can tell within two minutes of being around a couple whether they are fornicating or not."

"Fornication" was my new favorite word for sex, along with "whoredoms." I'd found those gems in the holy book of all places.

Emmett had taken to spending nights at my place for some illicit bedtime Mormon homeruns ever since we got back from Hawaii.

Which in normal terms, stalled around half way to second base. Emmett's spazzing trick leg always commenced the stalling.

Thus, the new nickname I'd given him: Tricky Legs McGee.

I had a feeling the base stalling had to do with his insistence on reading those holy scriptures and praying before he went to bed.

Inversely, hearing him use all those Biblical King James English words in his prayer like "thee" and "thou" sorta revved my engine.

I never denied being a sick bitch.

He tried to get me to read with him. Emmett even gave me a spare Bible for my own personal use. I ended up going straight to the index to find all the smutty sections while waiting for us to get our base-sputtering on.

And I found all sorts of treasures; for instance, how women should cover their hair because men angels get horny when they see it all free flowing.

Angels? Who knew. I thought they were as smooth as a Ken Doll down there.

And then there were all the "whoredoms." And "hellcats." And adultering hellcats whose whoredoms headed them into horrible hellfire.

The holy book was like reading a smutty version of Dr. Seuss:_ Would like you some whoredoms and ham? Yes, I would like that, Hellcat I am!_

Emmett shook his head at me. "You can't tell if they've been together just from simple observations." He looked back in Bella's direction, where at the moment, she did look like the very picture of virginal virtue.

"Excuse me, Emmett? Together? Let's call it the way the good book sees it. Bella's bought prime real estate in the Land of Whoredoms. Take the second right, a quick left, and you'll locate their love nest on 6969 Fornication Drive."

His shoulders shook with silent laughter, but he tried to keep a straight face. Which drove me nuts; because he had these full lips that pursed together, just the way they pursed right before he kissed me. And how was I suppossed to successfully fill that "Alabama Slammer" order when I was looking at that?

"I'll bet you, Em. Five dollars says you'll be convinced Bella's a horny forny- cator by the end of their set."

As if on cue, Bella started into the next song. She was a natural performer onstage, singing and playing. But there was always something pristine and pure about her when she crooned out even the most raunchiest of songs. But this post-coital week? She was pulling out all sorts of carnally knowledgable moves left and right. From the hip swaying that added an exxxtra little swivel around the bend. To the exxxtra breathy moans coming out of that previously virginal voicebox of hers. Or the arched eyebrow coupled with a perfectly timed lip biting in Edwards direction:

**"I know you're into me, Just take me to the backseat, And get ready for me! Honey, please!"**

Bella hadn't even made it to the second verse before Emmett silently threw a five dollar bill onto the bar in defeat.

**xx**

**Bella:**

Alice was peering out the side curtain during our break, watching Emmett and Rose at the bar. Post-Hawaii, they'd been incapable of straying more than a couple inches from one another. Emmett was bending over the bar at the moment, while Rose laughed at something he had whispered in her ear.

Alice kept shaking her head.

"What?"

She looked back at me with conviction: "They are so going to get married. I can tell within two minutes of being around a couple whether they'll get married or not."

"You can not..." I shot back.

"I can too, and they willl. Sooner than later."

We both looked on as Emmett caught Rose's earlobe in between his lips.

"Sooo much sooner than later," Alice whispered.

"Sooner than later what?" Jasper slinked through the backstage curtain. Alice's eyes narrowed in response as she flung her arms around me protectively.

"Hey, no crossing the genital picket line, Scab!"

Jasper sighed and dug his hands in his pockets, equal parts contrition and aggravation.

"Remember, Jasper - this Turkey weekend is all about me and Bella giving thanks for our sisterhood. No penii allowed within a five foot radius of us!"

This was Alice teaching Jasper a lesson - a duty she took on solemnly with both her blood brother and her emotional brother since she was very young. Apparently, if she didn't kick their ass into shape constantly, no one else would. Their pretty hair and smiles distracted everyone else.

And what was his crime?

Jasper didn't mean to do it, he swore. It just came out. He was suppossed to give Carlisle a quick greeting while Alice was on the phone with him a day earlier. But then Carlisle asked Jasper if he was taking care of the apple of his eye. And Jasper, being Jasper, mistook the casual conversation starter for an in-depth historical inquiry about Jasper's past transgressions with his favorite Apple-Bottomed Cheeks.

In short order, he told Carlisle he was taking excellent care of Alice; and oh, by the way, sorry-I-never-told-you-earlier-but-from-the-time-Alice-was-thirteen-I-was-sneaking-into-her-bedroom-late-at-night-but-nothing-physical-ever-happened-Sir-promise-k-thanx-buh-bye.

Jasper started paying for his sin of confession about two seconds later, for divulging sensitive information that could possibly compromise Alice's place as St. Carlisle's shiniest, most perfect apple of all.

"He needs to be taught a lesson - and Edward too while we're at it," Alice reiterated the next day as she grabbed my arm and pushed our way past Edward and Jasper.

_We're_?

All four of us had made it to the airport just in time to board our flight back to Seattle - and the Cullen family home. I glanced back at Edward, his arms upraised in disbelief as he got stuck behind a huge family in line while we sailed through. Alice had been pulling this stunt all morning, making it impossible for him to get within two feet of us. She settled me into a window seat and then plopped down beside me, our boys lagging way behind .

It sucked sometimes being the girlfriend and the bestie of two competitive siblings - it split my loyalties.

"You know, Alice, Jasper looks like he learned his lesson." I stared in Edward's direction one more time. He made a gesture for me to sit with him. "I think it's time to make up now before you guys get home. How about Jasper and I trade seats?"

Alice looked at me in confusion. "Oh, no. I already taught Jasper a lesson for _that_ eff-up with Daddy by eating popcorn in his car last night. With extra butter and salt and no napkins. You know what a bitch he is about eating in his car...."

It was true. Jasper had a touch of the OCD. He was the type to wipe off the soles of his shoes with clean wipes at the end of the day - and his car was better maintained than his shoes even.

"I'm just trying to keep the boys away right now so we can can prep on the flight. Every good lesson needs prep time."

I stared at her blankly.

"'Cause we're gonna team teach a lesson together once we get back to my house." She grimaced at her own sentence. "Wait, that came out wrong. Not together, cause that's...yuck."

I still had no idea what she was talking about.

"Bella, it's time for us to spice things up in our relationship."

A snort came out voluntarily: "Spice things up? Isn't _spicing up _what you do when you're forty-five and have been married for twenty years?"

Alice slowed her words down for me as if I were a simpleton: "Sure, if you are willing for the relationship to have gone so far to shit by then and the only way to save it is to oversalt it to hell to save the rotting mess. Like going to swing clubs and sex 't you ever watched any of those Dateline specials on mid -life crisis-ed married swingers?"

Ew. I had, unfortunately. Memories of ill-fitting garters on soccer moms and accountant dorks in leather appeared against my will.

"You start out with a little spice, Bella, sprinkle just a tad here and there at the right time, and you won't have to overspice the stew and ruin it in the process after leaving it on the stove unattended for twenty years."

Said the girl who never made stew in her life.

She threw a thin, decorative envelope in my direction: "The spice is on me this time: Happy Thanksgiving."

I opened up the package and stared at what looked like some cool, geometrically shaped japanese candy that you'd buy at a Hello Kitty store: "Yay, snackies for the plane flight. I have some Mentos we can share in my purse, too." I took a quick lick of the candy.

"What are you doing, Bella?" Alice's voice was all hushed exasperation as she grabbed it from me. "It disintegrates on tongue contact - it's rice paper candy!"

And? I was obviously missing her meaning.

"They're edible underwear, Silly." Alice picked up the "candy" in question to reveal skimpy two triangles connected by string. "And you're suppossed to save that licking for the privacy of Edward's bedroom."

I winced at the thought of doing any sort of dirty dealings where a Saint dwelled. "Ew, Alice, I'm not doing anything with Edward in your family's house. That's disrespectful to your parents."

Somewhere out there, Charlie was nodding with a proud smile on his sexually repressed face.

"Oh, stop acting like you're a nun, Bella. My brother's constant smile all week tells a very different story. It resembles the Joker's grin if the Joker was on crack. " A wicked grin came over her as she pinched my shoulder. "Or maybe that's it! Maybe you're already seasoning with some Hot Friar Fuckery role playing behind my back, you sly thing you!"

Somewhere out there, Charlie was pointing an accusatory finger my way and his cheeks were flushed with fatherly fury.

Hell, _my_ cheeks were flushing, not used to talking about such things openly. I could feel the deep blush rise in my cheeks as images of the last week flashed through my mind's eye: Edward below me, on top of me, around me - _inside_ me.

Rose had been right: I had to make the first sexual move with Edward that night in the hotel. And the second and the third and fourth. I fumbled and bumbled along the way, my actions shining a floodlight on my insecurities and inexperience. Somehow, I managed to stumble over the finish line though and had a huge epiphany. For all my lack of grace and boobage and masterclass lovemaking, Edward's finish-line smile brought me out of myself and neuroses. He looked up at me like I was the sexiest, most desirable girl in the world.

I'd been teasing him all semester that he needed glasses because he didn't see me clearly. Now I'd firebomb every last Lenscrafters in town to make sure he never corrected his vision.

Edward took over for the rest of this week; not in some corny pornstar way, where he'd flip and bend me forwards and backwards and upside down like his personal sexual pretzel. He took over by getting me out of my head and into the moment with him.

"Look up," he'd whisper time and time again, whenever he could tell I was checking for skin overflap.

"Look at me," Edward would coax, hands splayed out over my breasts, his voice echoing against my inner thigh. "Look." Everytime I was afraid to - I was so sure the sight before me would make me clamp my thighs down in embarrassment. But then I'd see that hair poking out all sorts of crazy and tickling my skin. His breath hot against me, as his lips honed in on the spot that made me anxious in both the best and worst ways. And his eyes--his deep green eyes looking straight back at me, equal parts mischief and desire.

Looking at him, looking at him _while_ feeling him at the same time, didn't make me want to clamp my thighs shut. It only made me want to open wider while mentally screaming:

_Oh La._

_Oh - La....di-fucking-da.......hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_

And I don't even speak French.

That's what Edward effing Cullen did to me _while_ he was doing me. He made me speak in tongues and insist on a ringside seat to my own inner-freak-coming-out-party.

I didn't need role playing games or even edible undies. I was busy enough trying to catch up with everything I'd experienced in the last week.

Alice blew hard onto my distingrating panties: "If we could just dry off the moisture to prevent further disintegration, these might be salvagable."

I threw her an suspicious eyebrow. The panties had a huge hole now, front and center. But Alice was undeterred.

"Or... Maybe we could like, flatten a prune onto it to patch up the hole. Prunes are naturally adhesive. Not to mention rich in fiber."

**xx**

"We're going to get in trouble!" I pointed at the light on top of of the ariplane panel in front of us that indicated that cellphone use was prohibited.

Alice nodded in acknowledgement, yet continued to punch in the numbers. "But this is an emergency. We need a tie breaker."

Rose had veto and sustaining power whenever Alice and I were at an impasse. She was older and more experienced than us; and you could usually glean a gem or two of wisdom from her everytime, if you got past the bizarre verbal packaging she always wrapped them up in.

Rose answered on the first ring: "What's up, Sinners?"

Alice muffled-talked into the phone about our dilemma. How she thought now was a great time to play some sexual reindeer games right under the noses of her parents. "The edible undies are even thematically relevant--cranberry flavored, Rose. Cranberry! Tell Bella she **must **partake in the festivities. "

I pulled the phone out of her hand and tried to muffle-plead my case that no sexy times should be had under a parentals' roof: "Tell her I musn't. I need to earn some makeup points with Daddy Cullen after that last debacle! And my edible chonies are already half-eaten because I thought it was Hello Kitty candy, and now there's a big hole where it was suppossed to cover my chocha and Alice wants to press a prune down on the hole like a knee patch---"

"Wait, wait, wait---back up you two. Who's eating Hello Kitty candy for their chochas? And have you guys been binging on Whoppers and Dr. Pepper again?"

Sometimes we overwhelmed Rose. She said we acted like two kittens that were on crack, scratching and pawing and jumping all over eachother when we spoke. So I tried to explain the situation more calmy the second time around.

She just laughed when I finished. "Has it ever occurred to either of you that you aren't Siamese Twins that have to do everything together?"

Alice stared at me like it _had_ never occured to her - because it probably hadn't. Which was one of the reasons I loved her so.

"Look, this is how I see it. Alice's Lumpy O. boyfriend is one of those quiet types. Quiet types ALWAYS have a freak flag flying at least at half mast; and when Lumpy's around Alice, it's flying full mast 24/7. Just waving proudly in the wind."

I grimaced at how few words it took for Rose to give me visuals about Jasper I never wanted to have.

"So, Alice is right to keep things spicy. Alice and Lumpy O. are like fancy pants sexual types who like to try out exotic things like Escargot and crap like that. But Bella's Cream of Wheat boyfriend seems more meat and potatoes. What I call one of those precious fuck types---"

With our ears sharing the phone, Alice was already giggling in anticipation. Rose managed to make Edward sound like a weirdo no matter what the subject was.

"--You know what I'm talking about. All sensitive and shit, spending a long time kissing up on your neck and whispering how beautiful you are to make sure that the sexy times are precious for a girl like Bella--"

My eyes bulged out at Rose's description. It was like she had viewed some hidden video tape of our times together, she was that spot-on....

'---and at the end when he climaxes, he faintly whispers, "aahhh" into your precious ear---'

Okay, maybe she hadn't viewed the tape, 'cause there was nothing faint about his sounds. Graceless, oddly animalistic perhaps--but not faint.

"---and then he wants to spoon right afterward and whisper how much he loves you while stroking your hair preciously--"

Correction. She HAD viewed the tape, but it was on mute. I knew my face was flushed in embarrassment, but would I expect anything less from a Rose monologue?

"So, here's my take, Bellice. Alice goes ahead with her Escargot plans, because the Lumpy O's going to enjoy the freak factor combo of the edible undies in Alice's forbidden bed of their youth. But Bella sticks to her no-sex plan under the family roof to gain some frequent flyer miles with Dr. DILF who thinks she's a big psycho right now, and Meat and Potatoes boyfriend will only find her more precious for it. If the parentals catch Edward washing his post-coital and edible undied sheets on his own accord tomorrow, they'll peg you as a fornicator, Bella. On TOP of psycho."

She paused for dramatic effect.

"You know, back in the biblical days, they stoned chicks like you who were digging into the whoredom chest. Yeah, Dr. DILF would have just pelted you with stones for letting your genitals do the talking. And then he'd curse your family's next three generations with plagues and locusts. And then spit on your mother's grave..."

This. This right here was the downside of Rosalie getting thick with a Bible-loving priest. We kept getting sermons and bits of biblical trivia that were all sorts of effed-up.

Alice was not happy with the ruling. She pleaded with Judge Judy to order me to try on the undies at the very least: "Cranberry flavored undied Bella, Rose! Edward could bring in a plate of turkey and mashed taters for an accompaniment. How much more meat and potatoes can you get?"

Rose actually sighed as if Alice was making sense.

"Point taken, but Bella can't look all low rent in a pair of holey, edible chonies. You'd have to make her a new pair from scratch. Homemade edible undies taste better anyways than the ones you buy at the store."

Alice listened with wide-eyed concentration as she needled Rose for the homemade recipe: "Buy like a gajillion fruit roll-ups. Every single one you can find in the Produce section, spare no expense. Then roll them all out side by side like a patchwork quilt. Then get a rolling pin and roller over the entire quilt to help fuse them together...."

I mouthed in Alice's direction: "Who wants to stick a fruit roll-up on their bare ass????"

"It beats prune patches," Alice shot back.

"....and then you string the makeshift undies together with Red Vines. Ohhh, and one more thing. Bella, this is your cue to start blushing now---"

Who said I'd stopped?

"---a quick author's note. How do you two mow the lawn down south?"

Yep, officially blushing. Alice spoke up for both of us: "I work with a landing strip, but Bella's sporting a well-groomed sascrotch."

I punched Alice in the knee while looking around to see if anyone heard her.

"Like a manicured Bermuda Triangle?" Rose further inquired of Alice.

"Roger that!"

"Okay, Alice is in the clear. But Bella, because of your landscaping, you'll need to spray a _light_ coating of Pam on Bermuda before putting on the fruit roll-up to minimize any sort of sticking---"

"ENOUGH," I finally yelled out. "I draw the line with the Pam spraying. Alice can go on this mission alone. Me and the sascrotch are sitting this one out."

A stewardess was heading down our aisle, so we had to get off quickly, with Alice thanking Rose profusely for the recipe.

Rose gave us a heartfelt _you're welcome_, even if no one else would have found it very welcoming: "Anytime, Fornicators!"

Alice put away her phone and looked me square in the eye: "You know, Edward does love a good steak most of all. But he'd never turn down Escargot either."

**xxxx**

Edward appeared out of nowhere when we touched down. All stealth-like while Alice was busy gathering her belongings, he grabbed my hand, picked up my carry-on, and then made a run for it. We scrunched into the backseat while Edward insisted that Jasper drive the rental car home.

"Why do I have a feeling that having Alice in seatbelt restraints is the only way I'll be able to get some alone time with you, " he whispered.

Alice turned around in her seat, ready to smart back at him. But then she froze as she caught Edward kissing my neck while stroking my hair.

"Preeeessshioussss," she purred out.

Snail eater.

**xx**

"This is your...home?"

"Yep," Edward answered, not even bothering to look at it as he got out.

"Home" didn't seem like an adequate word. What Charlie owned was a home, with all the necessary rooms in it for sleeping and eating and showering. But the giant monstrosity before me didn't fit in that category. It was so big. And pretty. And freshly painted and landscaped.

"Does it have a name? Because if a house ever deserved a name, it would be this one."

I'd name it something fancypants, like Evergreen Eaton. Or Richie Rich Ranch.

"Do you regularly name houses," Edward inquired with a smile.

"No, but there's no time like the present to start." A vision of my father's humble little house came into mind. If I had to name his, it would be a first name-only designation. Like "Rocco." Or "Joe."

The parental greetings were awkward enough once we made it through the front door. I wasn't sure if I was suppossed to shake their hands still or hug them.

Esme answered the question for me by bringing me into a heartfelt embrace. I even got a kiss on the forehead for good measure.

But then I had to face the Saint next, and Carlisle and me just stared eachother down, both trying to figure out how to proceed.

The last time I saw him, I threatened to scratch my eyes out, cussed like a sailor, and called him St. Carlisle to his face. He in turn had stared at me like I had three heads.

A handshake seemed too impersonal; yet, a hug seemed to be presumptious, given our last interaction. Wasn't there something in-between a shake and a hug?

Actually, there was.

We both made our moves at the same time. St. Carlisle stuck out a firm hand while I leaned in hesitantly to one-arm hug him. But then we tried to correct ourselves, with me trying to shake his hand. But I caught his elbow instead while he tried to hug me back--with his shoulder.

Awkward. So awkward, we averted any eye contact as we retreated from our hot mess of a greeting.

But his hug for Edward melted my black heart; they shared unspoken words as they looked at one another for a long moment, before Carlisle wrapped him into a bear hug. With his hand patting Edward's back even.

Alice grabbed my hand and started pulling me up the stairs while Carlisle greeted Jasper: "What a welcome surprise, Jasper. You used the front door instead of prowling into the house through my daughter's window."

Yes!, I thought as I tripped upstairs. Jasper's confession was going to come in mighty handy for deflecting any of my own past indiscretions.

"Wait, girls, I need to explain the sleeping arrangements first." We stopped midway up the staircase and looked back down at Carlisle.

"Bella, your father called us this morning."

Oh God. That tricky Charlie - he had asked innocently for the Cullen's phone number, in "case of an emergency." I'd forgotten that in Charlie's world, emergency equaled that his baby girl was within ten feet of a boy with an intact penis.

"Charlie explained how Edward was your first boyfriend-"

oh god....oh god......

" and that this was your first-sleep over with someone you were dating---"

and I wondered why I was so neurotic about men and sex....

"-and he wanted to make sure about the sleeping arrangements here."

Edward's jaw dropped in amazement. He'd seen nothing yet, either. I shuddered at the thought of Edward trapped in my dad's breakfast nook tomorrow, getting the third degree.

" And I gave him my word that we'd take good care of you. Alice, why don't you show Bella either a guest room or set her up with you in your bedroom? Whatever ever she prefers..."

Freakin' Charlie.

"Oh, sir, Dr, Mr....."

What the hell does he go by???

"-Dr. Cullen. My dad didn't need to call. I would have never disrespected your house like that anyways."

Alice wasn't going to let that gem slide, as she covered her smirking lips with a fisted palm: "_cough_..kissass..._cough_..."

I braced for St. Carlisle to give me a dubious look as well. But instead, he was genuinely smiling at me - while darting warning glances in Alice's direction.

"Did you hear that, Jasper? Bella would never disrespect my house. Fancy that."

Edward ran up the stairs while everyone was laughing at Jasper's expense, and slapped Alice's hand off mine. Her face was equal parts shock and annoyance.

"Hey!"

Edward grabbed my hand and started pulling me up the stairs again. "I'm taking over home hosting duties for Bella. You should try running interference between your favorite Night Prowler and Father dearest." He scooped in for a kiss and in a quieter voice continued: "First up, my boudoir."

Silly dandy.

"Edward." Carlisle's voice was low and authoritative, making Edward look back in his direction.

A silent conversation passed between them. While I couldn't exactly decipher it all, Edward's arched eyebrows and Carlisle's subtle headshakes seemed to indicate that even a Edwardian bedroom tour was off limits. What the heck had my father said exactly?

Edward relented soon enough to Carlisle's silent request. "Fine, I'll show her every room with the exception of mine, in the name of all things holy and Charlie. Don't worry, I'm not going to ravage her in the gift wrapping room."

Gift wrapping room?

Yes, a gift wrapping room, which actually had a card wall and huge reams of wrapping paper for various holidays and themes.

Aha----Esme was the culprit for Alice's subversive sense of party planning, to the point of party-planning base hits.

"You guys realize that the only other person who has a gift wrapping room is Candy Spelling?"

Alice corrected me: "No, Candy Spelling has an e-bay purchases room. And this room isn't just for gift wrapping - my mom holds her scrapbooking parties in here too. " She then shot me a quick wink. "And it's the perfect place for holiday centerpiece-making, Bella. Get it, holiday CENTERpiece making?"

"Oh, I think everyone got IT, Alice."

A momentary chill ran up and down my spine as I realized that Charlie's living room and kitchen could easily fit in this room alone. Hell, Renee's whole apartment AND parking space could be dumped in here with room to spare. Alice and Edward grew up in a house with not just a gift wrapping room - but eight bedrooms, and a workout room, tennis court, basketball halfcourt, home theater. I felt like I was staying at a resort, and was this close to pilfering the super luxurious towels I found in the guest bathroom. That shit didn't come from Walmart, that was for sure.

It was all very.... Escargot-like.

We were in the kitchen now, with Alice insisting she accompany her father on a last minute supermarket run for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.

"Bella and I want to make some pretty CENTERpieces for the table tomorrow." She glanced my way and did a quick fist pump.

"I'll go with your dad, Alice. You stay here and visit with your mom," I piped up. Everyone in the room stared at me.

It was an unnatural request, I realized. Carlisle and I were nothing short of stiff and awkward together so far. Which was exactly why I offered to go in the first place.

If Edward and I were going to present a united front tomorrow with his parents, I needed to find some common ground with his dad. If nothing else, I wanted him to know that I cared deeply for his son and wanted what was best for him too - even if the Saint and I came to different conclusions on what that was.

And of course, if I ended up going the Escargot route and slapped a couple fruit roll-ups on my ass, if only to be less "precious," I wanted to make sure I bought roll-ups that at least tasted good. I had a vague memory of preferring the kiwi-strawberry and grape flavors in elementary school.....

"You ready to go, Bella," St. Carlisle asked quietly as he waited for me at the door. We both started walking toward his pimped out car in the driveway.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen....um, and can I ask a favor of you?

"Of course."

"Can you help me remember to buy some Pam Oil Spray? It's _realllly_ vital, for the...centerpieces, that I remember the Pam."

**xxx**

a/n: The second part of this chapter should be up in a week or two. And I'm starting a new fanfic probably next week, tenatively titled "Last Rites." I'm going back to AU and it's going to based on one of the most interesting lines from Twilight the book: _"Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you[Bella] had a third eye and webbed feet. All this time she's been worried about me, afraid that there was** something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me......" **_


	57. A Pornocopia of Delights

**Chapter 57: A Pornocopia of Delights**

a/n:** Thanks for the reviews you guys! They always make my day, so thanks.**

a/n: **Here's some story prompts from the previous chapters to help refreshen your memory:**

1) Bella is at Edward's house for Thanksgiving, and she's trying to support him when he tells his parents about his possible change of plans with his college major.

2) Rose teased Bella that Edward was a "precious fuck" in the sense he babied Bella and coddled her sexually. Which egged her on in turn to show she wasn't so precious by taking on the fruit-roll up edible undies challenge that was issued by Alice.

3) Charlie has called the Cullen house to make it clear he wants Bella to sleep in seperate rooms for her first boyfriend "sleepover." Carlisle makes it clear to both Edward and Bella out of respect for her father, he'll honor the request.

4) Bella had previously christened Edward's wang "Harley" - because in the corn threading chapter, she mused that practicing on a piece of corn then working on Edward was like practicing on a tricycle and then being tested on a Harley. Also, at this point, these two have only consummated their relationship for less than a week. So, yeah...

5) Bella offers to go last minute- night before Thanksgiving supermarket shopping with Carlisle to befriend him. Oh, and also to buy fruit roll-ups and a big ass can of Pam. Because while Alice is working with a landing strip, Bella's working with a well groomed sascrotch, and she can't place fruit roll up to the sascrotch now without a little Pam, now can she?

**xx**

"Come on, Bella, you're not under my parents' roof anymore." Of course he tacked a side smirk on for shits and giggles.

It was like a scene from a bad "B" sex comedy. The parents asleep in the main house. Both of us sneaking out of our assigned and segregated bedrooms. Edward leading me to the "tool shed" in the backyard.

A backyard that wasn't a yard so much as a football field or four. And a tool shed that looked like a fairy tale cottage from the outside, it was so big and pristine and....Culleny.

A little midnight necking, he promised, nothing more. When I reminded him of his oath when his hands began to wander, he tried to bargain with me.

"For the price of unbuttoning four buttons on that pretty little nightshirt of yours, I might be willing to pull these on." With a devlish smile, he held up two gardening gloves.

I gasped.

"Are those what I think they are?" My hand reached out; and then stopped just short of touching them, as if my filthy paws were about to desecrate the _Mona Lisa_ herself.

"Yes."

His mother's gardening gloves. Ever since Esme announced that Edward was a daisy picker, I'd expressed on more than one occasion that I wanted to see Edward in Esme's gardening gloves. But what started out as a joke became a sick fetish of mine. The idea of Edward sporting a pair of fruity garden gloves was just creepy enough to be hot.

I never denied being a sick bitch.

He never fought fair. And he knew four buttons would turn into all buttons and those gloves would be the only thing left on him as well within two minutes time. We were still stuck dab in the middle of the sexual honeymoon phase.

I bit my lip, weighing my options. Honor thine parents and thine boyfriend's parents. Or touch Edward's glory. And then have Edward touch my glory. And then have both our glories meet up in the middle to do glorious things. 'Cause our glories combined were like the effing Brangelina of the combined glories world. While Angelina kicked my ass in gloriousness, Edward pwned Brad Pitt's exponentially. Even during his hottest "Thelma and Louise" phase---

"Bella?"

His voice brought me out of my momentary revelry, and the fact it couldn't be more than a moment. Damn my parents for making me respect my elders.

"The tool shed is technically under your parents' roof. Doctor's orders. I promised him earlier to play by my dad's rules in his house."

Edward's eyes narrowed slightly. "Why are you making pinky promises to my dad that I didn't even know about?"

Huh. Did I detect some slight issues with having a DILFY saint for a daddy?

My daddy/nondaughter time with Carlisle started out dubiously enough with stilted conversation in the car. The aisle-by-aisle list shopping didn't go exactly smooth either.....

xx

"I'm not sure they have truffles here, Dr. Cullen." The supermarket's candy selection was limited to basic chocolate offerings: nuts, no nuts, creme-filled, etc.

"Do they have to be truffles, or can we just buy normal chocolates?"

Dr. Daddy stopped the cart right behind me. "Oh, Bella, I'm sorry. I think my wife meant the other kind of truffles."

Blank stare from my end.

"As in the fungal variety? Mrs. Cullen uses truffle oil in her brie recipe."

Only fifteen minutes into my supermarket trip with Dr. Daddy, and I'd made several faux paus regarding all things WASPY and higher socio-economically classed. And I would normally use the word "fuck ups" instead. But I was standing in front of a saint who eats brie and not-the-candy-sort-of truffles, so "faux paus" seemed more appropriate.

"Brie appetizer, huh? Wow, that sounds good. My dad's lucky if I melt some velveeta with salsa to go with his Doritos for a Turkey Day appetizer."

Dr. Cullen finally broke a smile on that last line.

Which was pathetic really, because we were halfway done with the supermarket grocery list, and I still had so much ground to cover. The car ride over was awkward. We passed the time asking eachother lame questions about the weather. Or my classes. Or his workload. It got so desperate to fill in the silent pockets, Carlisle resorted to telling me about Esme's recent rennovation of their living room as we headed into the supermarket.

How was I going to break the saint and make him my bestie in the next twenty minutes? And I couldn't accomplish anything less. If Edward was the headlining act of our "united front" familial tour, I needed to be the opening act that warmed up the parents for his main performance. I couldn't be warming up Carlisle if he thought I was a beer-nippled dumb ass still.

I nudged him in the direction of the oil section. Even though it was his neigborhood market, Carlisle didn't seem to know his way around at all.

"Listen, Dr., Sir, Cullen-" God, I still didn't know how to address him yet.

"Please, Bella, call me Carlisle. You make me feel a hundred years old when you tack on all those titles at the beginning."

The irony of his statement? The exact time he was declaring his geriatric ways, some teenaged boxgirl passed by us and eye-fornicated him. In broad daylight. She could have grabbed his ding dong and it would have been more subtle. And she wasn't the only one silently begging for a housecall from the good doctor, even though he ignored the attention. My heart sank as my mind raced forward twenty years and imagined a vintage Edward garnering the same amount of leering.

Somethings would never change.

"Fine, Carlisle. I'm sure you know I had a reason to come with you right now."

"Yes, you need Pam, right?"

I involuntarily winced at him even mouthing that word. "Yeah...I need some Pam and stuff....for the CENTERpiece...A cornocopia...of delight."

Carlisle stared at me like I was a beer-nippled dumb ass, and rightly so.

"But enough about CENTERrpieces. I was also hoping that by tagging along, you and I could maybe---"

Carlisle chimed in before I could finish: "Get to know eachother better? "

I nodded like a an eager puppy. "Yes! I feel like I keep making these horrible impressions -"

"On me?" Carlisle answered for me again with an air of surprise. Great; on top of being an angelic doctor, he was an effing psychic too.

He shook his head adamantly. "NO, Isabella. I should apologize to you for the last time we met."

I raised my brow while snaking a large can of Pam off the shelf. "Why?"

"When I saw that Edward brought you to dinner, I knew he knew why we were there. That we were going to corner him about his grades, and his pending internship. And it infuriated me to think he'd brought you as a sort of shield to stop me from confronting him."

I tried to explain that wasn't the case at all.

"I know that now, Bella. Within minutes, I could see he brought you for support, which you were more than ready to provide."

I blushed as I recalled my raised-by-wolves-girl speech, full of sailor cussing and self righteous judgements on the saint. I even threw in some threats of eye scratching.

Oy vey.

"Yeah, I reacted like an idiot that night."

Said the girl holding Pam spray and eyeing the Fruit Roll Ups By The Foot packages from across the aisle.

Carlisle smiled again. "Maybe it wasn't the most...eloquent of defenses, but it set me straight about a lot of things. About what Edward had been up to all semester. And how your presence was a show of support, not a buffer. That he could trust you to be there for him said a lot."

His smile grew sad now, and his youthful face took on a more somber mood. "And the fact he felt he needed support to see me doesn't feel good. That my chastisements were so off base, you had to interject and set me straight doesn't feel good either. Edward anticipated everything I would assume about him." He looked me square in the eye. " I'm sorry I acted that way in front of you. I didn't give you much of a choice but to come to his defense."

There was more than enough blame to go around. "I should have realized he was having a harder time. I could just kick myself for distracting him in anyway."

Carlisle shook his head. "Edward's smart and capable. He could have pulled it off if he wanted to. I just wish I understood why he didn't come to me when he was in the middle of this mess instead of waiting until it was too late. There's nothing I can do to help him out now, he's made his bed."

Bingo. Carlisle had given me an opening to open him up more to Edward's situation. But first things first.

I fingered the various boxes of roll-ups before me. Strawberry, grape, blueberry. Blueberry....

Huh.

Edward always preferred me in blue and bluberries were full of anti-oxidants...

"Here's the thing. You know how preacher's daughters and sons are always the wildest kids in town cause they've got too much to live up to with a preacher daddy?"

Carlisle nodded.

"Well, times that by ten 'cause you're a saint doctor, which pwns preachers by multiples of ten. And most kids resent their preacher saint daddies, but Edward doesn't have an ounce of that in him. He reveres you only more. To the point where maybe it's hard going to a saint doctor daddy when you are messing up or confused about what you really want for yourself. Especially when said saint doctor daddy just returned from a relief mission saving whole countries from Cholera."

Carlisle shot me a pointed look - but a ghost of an Edwardian smirk was showing. "That was a small township with the last mission. NOT a whole country."

I couldn't help but laugh at the fact he just proved my point.

"Gotcha. A small township."

We talked a little more about Edward. How being seen as careless might be easier than being seen as confused. Carelessness implied lack of discipline; but confusion, on the other hand, denoted no path or game plan at all. Especially when the assigned game plan is so closely tied to the one person he admired the most. I added that he seemed anything but careless all semester. He had been focused and thoughtful from my observations. I offered his vigilant piano playing as an example.

"He's playing again? Practicing?"

I nodded. "I always did my homework in the music room while he practiced crazy-hard compositions."

He asked me if I thought he'd push Edward away too much with their last meeting. I told him no. That Edward only felt worse for putting him in that position in the first place.

"But maybe you could make yourself a little more approachable. Less sainty. Like, try saving one less township from Malaria this month. Or let your hair thin more on top. Or actually eat something that Gwenyth Paltrow wouldn't approve of. Try to hag it up a little. Look how unwrinkled your shirt is even and it's cotton. Good Lord."

The saint actually laughed. I'd made the saint crack a smile and opened-mouth laugh.

"What should be my first step for hagging it up, as you say."

"Well, you could start by overloading on Doritos and melted Velveeta cheese. And leave all the Doritos dust on your fingers so you dirty up the unwrinkled shirt and smell like the inside of a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant. That would make you more relatable, to smell like one of those ball cages inside of a Chuck E. Cheese."

He shook his head quickly. "Dirty up my shirt and my liver with processed poison? My wife would kill me."

"No, your wife will love you more for it. It's for a good cause."

He bartered with me. In exchange for letting me dirty up his halo a tad with preservatives and wrinkles, I'd help him angle a private audience with Edward in the morning. Edward's attention was in high demand, between his mother and Jasper and Alice and me. But I promised to keep everyone busy and happy the next morning so they could get away for an hour or two just to talk. I'd always imagined another showdown like the last time. Dramatic and confrontational and scary. But a walk and a talk, where both father and son could hash out all those "did-you-ever-know-that-you're-my-hero?" issues in private seemed best.

Carlisle gave me a look of understanding once we'd finished up a series of pacts, not the least including that I honor Charlie's wishes while under Carlisle's roof. Maybe we weren't bffs - yet. But we were definitely at the stage where I could mock his saint status and he found it amusing.

Good sign.

"Bella, what are you doing?"

The whole time we were talking, I had been throwing fruit rollups into the cart. There were more than ten boxes at this point.

"It's for the Thanksgiving CENTERpiece. Of delights. And wonders."

Carlisle stared at me like I had four heads sitting on top of my beer nippled dumb ass.

Bella Swan.

Making the two-steps-forward, one-step-back jig the dance of her life.

**xxx**

Carlisle and I were bonafide besties by the time we got home. We ended up buying some Velveeta and salsa and Doritos to help Carlisle hag it up a little more.

"It just sits on the shelf unrefrigerated like that for years?" His whole-foods-fed face was equal parts wonder and horror.

"And years and years even. I bet this box of Velveeta is older than I am."

He also bought a cheap box of chocolates, laughing silently behind Esme's back while she freaked out about not getting the right kind of truffles. And Sainty even gave me a thumbs up when he forced-fed Esme some of my cheese dip on a chip and Esme tried to smile as Doritos residue settled on the sides of her lips.

God, who knew my working knowledge of processed foods would be the key to breaking off that halo of his?

All the conspiring laughter between us didn't go unnoticed either. Even hours later in a darkened toolshed, Edward wanted to know why his dad was the reason he wasn't getting any play at the moment.

"Since when did you start making pinky promises to my dad?"

Edward's smile was suspicious.

"Since my daddy made your daddy pinky promise to guard my virtue with his life over his rakish son while I stayed here. It is my first sleep-over with a boyfriend, according to my father," I said in mock innocence. The punchline being that we'd basically been shacked up together at his or my place ever since last week.

Edward cringed. "Your daddy's gonna meet me on the front porch with a shotgun, huh?"

"Pfftt, we aren't_ that_ kuntry. Geesh. What's next? Wondering out loud if I'm going to fry you up some possum for supper?"

Our usual banter time was making him only more fustrated: "Stop distracting me. Now take off the top and let all your gardening gloved dreams come true."

I shook my head no. "Here, I'll flash you the twins for ten seconds. But I can't offer more than a drive-by glance."

I held up my oath-bound pinky in my defense as he began to complain.

"You love pinky promises more than my Harley."

"Nope, I love** you** more than either. Although Harley's no chopped liver."

Edward broke a smile even though he still looked disappointed.

"Have some faith in your girl, she's keeping her eye on the prize."

I kissed him lovingly on his nose so he knew with absolute certainty which prize I was talking about.

**xxxx**

"God, Bella, why did you tell Daddy we were making a cornucopia? This is taking longer than the undies." We were in the gift wrapping room now, and Esme's cooking was diffusing all throughout the house.

I had gotten up at dawn to help Esme out with the long list of dishes she had planned to make. Beside the nightstand in my guest room when I awoke was a small vase of cut roses and a note on the side:

"Picked lovingly with the help of gardening gloves AND a floppy sun hat. No, I didn't pay money for the vase either, so quit your bitching."

He just knew the first thing that would come out of my mouth was some buzzkill like "I hate when you spend money on me."

So romantic, that Dandy of mine, even when he was cussing me out.

Esme greeted me with a grateful smile and put me to work. Her recipes were more sophisticated and complex than my personal holiday cooking menu, but I was a quick learner in the kitchen and she appreciated my help. We talked about Edward and Alice and Jasper and me. And then it veered into Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo territory. And Jon and Kate Gosselin. And Jennifer Aniston vs. Renee Zewellenger when it came to "that Bradley Cooper character," as Esme put it. And Esme had fully formed opinions on each situation - thanks to US weekly and the Star.

Who knew the debate queen was such a little gossip peddler? I loved it.

Around 10:00 am, I saw Edward and Carlisle walking outside together. My stomach did a little nervous-but-hopeful flip, and then I worried Esme would want to check up on them for valid fears that they'd go at it again. So I distracted her by asking her to share her thoughts on Jon Gosselin's new chola-eyebrowed, crack whored girlfriend. Esme did not hold back.

For like, a whole hour.

At 11:30 am, Jasper arrived from his mom's, looking for Edward, knowing full well that Alice would still be asleep. So that he'd stop looking for him, I took a break from kitchen duties to play some Wii with him. Yes, the same girl who can't pat her head and hand-circle her tummy at the same time. He was well aware of my coordination challenges, so he tried to go easy on me.

"Do you know how to play H-O-R-S-E with a basketball? Well that's all this game is for the most part. Just hold the Wii controller and pump it upwards to make a basket."

Simple enough. Unfortunately for me, even in the Wii virtual world, I was a big spazz. My little mini-Mii kept tripping and falling down, even though she only had to run about four steps to get to the next shooting position. Jasper was in hysterics over it.

"How the hell did you manage to trip her, Bella? You're playing H-O-R-S-E! It's like your two left feet caused a virus in the system just from touching the controller!"

I scowled in his direction. "Oh, shut up. Don't you have a window to crawl through or something?"

Muffled laughter rang out from the back of the room. Edward and Carlisle had just come back from their walk, looking very well. I gave Edward a questioning brow. Or was it more for Carlisle? It didn't matter really, they both shot me back reassuring winks that Jasper caught.

"Oh, I see what's going on. Bella comes home for five minutes and melts some plastic cheese and pow! She's the new adoptee and I've been demoted."

"No, you've been demoted because you're a cat burglar prowler!" I looked back at Carlward with my last remark, getting the smiling approval I knew I would.

Jasper's eyes widened as he took in the new besties situation with me and Dr. Daddy. "Correction: Adoptee AND Carlisle's new henchman." He stared back at Carlisle indignantly. "I see Seamus has been demoted now too."

I grabbed Edward and pulled him to the side. "Is everything okay?"

He kissed me on the nose. "Yes. I'll tell you later though." He glanced back towards his father, who was smiling our way.

Well wasn't I just an effin' Debbie Doright stuck in a Hallmark holiday movie..

At noon, Alice scampered down the stairs half asleep, absent-mindedly slapping off Jasper's pawing while she grabbed my hand. "Bella and I are off to make the CENTERpiece!" What I thought would be a two minute slice and dice of a fruit roll-up turned into an hour's worth of paintstaking crafting. She had pilfered all of Esme's "Creative Memories" scrapbooking scissors for fancier border cutting. And then she stole her cupcake decorating stash of candied hearts and stars and sprinkles.

It was like Mariah Carey fucking threw up all over the room with butterflies and unicorns and rainbows and glitter by the time Alice was in full undies making mode.

Alice so lost her marbles over the decorative options, she made not just one but four undies. Her crowning crafting glory were stringed bikini cut, sprinkled lightly with colored sugar dust and a pattern of hearts and stars along the ass.

She was working on the fruit roll-up cornucopia now, wrapping the fruit around a cardboard triangular shape she'd cut out earlier.

"Not a cornucopia of delight, Bella. THE **Porno**copia of delight." She sighed whistfully at her undergarment artistry. "Seriously, we should display our undies in the pornocopia on the table for our CENTERpiece. They are work of art."

Pfft. "Correction, YOUR undies are a work of art. Mine look like still like two fruit roll-ups slapped together with spit."

Upside? My undies were blue. Edward liked blue. They were blueberry flavored. Edward liked blueberries.

Downside? They were ugly as sin, two crudely shaped triangles with candied hearts that were falling off the ass all sloppy because I got bored halfway through and just slapped them on with some frosting.

What can I say? Martha Stewart I ain't.

"Well, this cornucopia is going to have to do for now."

Said the girl who made a masterpiece out of dehydrated fruit. It was seriously beautiful - she even cut out little pumpkins from the apricot roll-ups.

Two sets of feet could be heard making their way up the stairs. Jasper and Edward no doubt, telling us to come down for dinner. They planned on eating their Turkey day dinner at lunchtime so Jasper could be back to his mother's by evening.

Alice let out a frantic gasp as she began to lift her skirt. What the --

"What are you doing?"

"I'm putting on my undies. Drop your trou, Bella. There's no time like the present."

"Why now?"

"'Cause dinner lasts all of twenty minutes. Then everyone is full and beaches themselves in the living room to watch a game. And that's when we strike. I call dibs on the poolhouse."

Yikes.

"Hurry up, if you don't want Jasper to see the sascrotch. There's no lock on the door."

I muttered and complained as I made the switch from soft cotton to leathery fruit.

**xxxx**

"Bella, looked what I filled it's CORE with!"

The cringe-inducing inneundos were neverending with Alice. I was in the middle of bringing in the rolls when I almost dropped the basket. There, in the middle of the pornocopia sat a banana, sandwiched in between two kiwi fruit. And just to the side, laid two pairs of mandarins, in all their small cleavaged, crowning glory.

"Alice!"

"The mandarin pairings are us." She smiled proudly before pausing."Too bad Rosalie didn't come home too. There's a perfect pair of cantaloupes in the kitchen that are just dying to be put on display."

It was a sign of things to come for dinner. Alice kept making pornocopia jokes the whole time. I quickly learned that Alice, while being the golden child, loved to try to get a rise out of her parents. And yet, they seemed so used to it, they barely raised an eyebrow at the things that were coming out of her mouth. Her and Jasper still continued to gang up on Edward, and Edward's lack of response mirrored his parent's attitude. I fought back for him instead, sparing Alice, but engaging Jasper.

"Night prowler."

"Henchman."

"Cat Burglar."

"Lucky Charm lover."

God, he pwned me every time with the threat of a lame tat reveal.

The energy at the Cullen table was loud and lively and slightly mortifying(see: Alice's pornocopia's core rhetoric). And perhaps most of all, appropriately family-like, with siblings you fight and giggle with all the same time, and parents who had long ago thrown their hands up at attempting to gain any control over the circus before them.

I loved it.

"Oh, Alice and Bella," Esme interjected into the noise, bringing me out of my silent musings." That can of Pam is still sitting on the counter in the kitchen. Didn't you need it for your CENTERpiece?"

**xxxx**

"What do you mean you were joking?" My voice was squeaking out of sheer panic. "How was I suppossed to know you were joking?"

Rose led out a slow sigh. "Uh, Bella. How many fruit roll-ups did I tell you to buy?"

"A....kajillion," I answered softly.

"Riiiight. Did you think I was being serious when I said this too?"

"How would we have known," Alice interjected. "We're sexually inexperienced babes in the fornicating woods! We looked to you for bread crumbs."

It had been all a lie. Rosalie had been joking with us. About the homemade undie making, and the swizzler stringing, and the fruit roll-up quilting.

"You guys know shit just falls out of my mouth left and right...right?"

Except she had unknowingly been right about one thing: Pam would have been a good thing to spray on the undies before I applied it to my finely groomed chocha.

It wasn't coming off.

"Here, let me ask Emmett if he knows what can help." Alice and I both squealed for her to not involve the priest.

"You guys, he raised three sisters. And he's a social work major."

Why that meant he'd have a solution to this problem, I had no clue. But more and more, Rose seemed to think he had an answer for everything.

Adorable really, if I wasn't so concerned about having dehydrated fruit stuck to my sugar puss.

One minute of stifled murmurs later, she got back on the phone. "He said peanut butter may help. He's gotten gum out of his sister's hair with peanut better."

Alice gave a no-confidence grimace with that tip.

More stifled murmurs continued. "Or, he said maybe you'll have to get the machete out and tame the ol' sascrotch front."

"Rose," Emmett scolded in the background.

"Fine. And Emmett wants the record to show that I took some comedic liberties with that phrasing."

Forgive me Father Emmett, for making your ears bleed.

Fifteen minutes later, after Alice stole some Jiffy from the pantry and some scissors from her father's office, I was locked in the guest bathroom alone. And I had no clue where to begin.

Stupid Bella. Stupid, stupid, stupid--

"Bella? Are you alright?" A soft knock accompanied the soft voice.

God, it was Edward. And by the sound of his voice, Alice had given up the details.

I answered the door silently, trying not to laugh or cry. It could go either way with how mortified I felt at the moment.

"Honest to God, it's all because they said we were precious fucks. And I didn't want to be just boring and precious to you," I laughed out, although the tears were building.

He shushed me and sat me down on the counter. "Let me just see, Bella."

I raised my skirt and cringed, waiting for him to either laugh or have him drop his jaw in horror-the way Alice's had when she found out. But he just surveyed the "site" with a clinical eye instead, all business.

"Rose said peanut butter may work, or--"

His dubious stare shut me up. "I think Rose has said enough for the time being." He just shook his head when I showed him the office scissors and then began to search the medicine cabinets.

"Here." He found a small pair of scissors with petite blades. Maybe to trim mustache hairs or something?

He washed them thoroughly before drying them. "Lie flat, Bella. I'm just going to have to trim it off." I protested that I could do it, but he wouldn't budge. "The last thing I need is for you to cut yourself with office scissors. It's lying too close to your skin, just let me do it."

Five minutes later and I was sitting there, looking at him at amazement. "Edward, you've got the hands of an effing surgeon, and the bedside manner of Dr. McDreamy."

I was being serious. I knew it wasn't exactly brain surgery, but there was something about his whole demeanor that struck me. His apple hadn't fallen that far from Dr. Sainty's tree afterall. Interesting.

He just shrugged his shoulders, not sure what I was making a big deal over.

"You're like Dr. Cool Hand Luke, Gynecologist extraordannaire." My smile quickly evaporated as I imagined Dr. Cullen with a three year waiting list for breast exams from eager, nubile patients.

He brought me into his arms laughing. "Don't try to distract me. I swear Bella, whenever Alice and Rose involve themselves in your life, it ends up like a bad "I Love Lucy" episode. The town Ethels are always nudging you into doing crazy red-headed things. You need to tell Ethel to just back the fuck up, once and for all. "

He carried me to his forbidden bedroom and laid me down on his bed. My weak protests were futile.

"Just a nap, nothing more," he whispered into my ear. How could I not indulge?

He nuzzled me into his chest with his arm as he tried to make me forget what I sexual dumb ass I was. I tried to find out how the talk went.

"Better than I had imagined." He looked down at me with an accusing eye. "I'm just glad you play for my side."

Cryptic. I asked him what he meant.

"All I'm going to say is I'm glad you play for my side, Bella. Watching you charm my mom was impressive last month. But watching you wrap my dad around your little finger last night was damn near frightening. Until it worked in my favor this morning."

His wry smile widened as I caught onto his meaning. After countless rescues from his end, I finally donned the superhero cape and got to help him back.

I poked my finger into his annoyingly straight nose. "I already told you. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize."

All the things I normally would have been flooded with were no where in sight. No embarrassment, or shame, or mortification from doing ridiculously dumb and naive things to counterpunch the "precious fuck" title I'd been saddled with. Instead, I allowed myself to bask in the moment of lying with my guy in his bed, in his house, on Thanksgiving afternoon, feeling content and shamelessly okay with myself in relation to him.

Thanksgiving indeed.

As the scent of some fabulously whole fooded dessert slinked into the bedroom, my mind began to drift. To the first day I saw Edward, and how he showed up the next morning with coffee. How a Target shopping date turned into a tattoo dare to act on everything we were feeling for eachother after only hours of knowing eachother. Of set backs and regrets, and a whole month of not seeing him - which felt like years. Of surprise reunions at frenemy's brithday parties, and late night radio song requests. And first kisses and first shows and the first time of all times with someone I loved more than I probably should at so young an age....

"Leave them be."

My mind's musings were interupted by two muffled voices at the bedroom door: one female, one male. I couldn't bother to open my eyes though. It wouldn't have helped to open them anyways, they were cuddled into the side of Edward's slumbering chest.

"I promised her father," the man said, his voice full of conflict.

"Well, I had her up since dawn helping me prepare things. Leave her be. Leave THEM be. The Chief can take it up with me if there's a problem."

I tried to crack a smile, hearing Esme's tone shift from mellow to ball busting in under a second. But my mind ran ahead of me, turning back to afternoon napping and Edward and every memory that reminded me why I loved him.

**xxx**

a/n: I wanted to emphasize that Jasper and Bella aren't being mean to one another. It's more they've settled into a friendship that's sibling-like, where they tease eachother a lot with straight faces. But it's just a sign of familiarity with one another.

a/n: And Carlisle's winks are very fatherly towards Bella and vice versa. lol

a/n: Next chapter i'm so looking forward too--Charlie's house is the next and best stop on the united front tour.


	58. Magic Fire Vs Jazz Hands

**Chapter 58: Magic Fire Vs. Jazz Hands**

a/n: Thanks for the reviews lovelies!

a/n:last chapter prompts:

1)Thanksgiving "United Front Tour for Bella and Edward: First stop was the Cullens

2) Bella bonded with Carlisle, softened him up for Edward's revelation he didn't know if he wanted to be pre-med anymore

3)Bella gets suckered into Rose's Fruit Rollup undies fiasco. Only once she slaps it on, Rose lets her know it was a joke

4) Edward performs fruit rollup undies extraction surgery with mustache trimming scissors. Bella notices he has a great bedside manner and a steady hand, just right for doctorhood.

5)Now they head to Charlie's.

**xx**

"...and don't order lite beer. Or white wine if at all possible; but if you do, don't smell the bouquet before you take a sip...."

We were minutes away from Charlie's house, and Bella had spent the whole three hour rental car drive from Seattle to Forks giving me specific instructions on how to handle Charlie. But the more instruction she gave, the more apparent it was that she thought I was a hopeless pussy. The way she fretted over the fact I drove a Volvo or how I preferred boxer-briefs were making me more self-conscious with each mile we got closer.

"Oh, and if my dad offers us a mug of coffee, get a firm grip on the handle with ALL your fingers. Don't let that cute little pinky of yours stray out on its own..."

I gave her a pointed look. "My pinky never sticks out."

She patted my head: "Oh, I know, honey. It doesn't....most of the time...." The patting turned into a firm rubdown, as if she were trying to lay my hair down completely to the side, the way my mother did before church as a child. I added a raised eyebrow to the pointed look.

"Sorry. Your hair looked too designer."

The thing Bella kept stressing was this wasn't just some ordinary parental introduction. I was the first "boy" she'd ever brought home, to a father who had legal license to shoot me if he wanted to. And apparently, I had "Shoot My Candy Ass!" stamped on my forehead.

"Charlie's seen it all at his work. He knows how persuasive penises can be, when attached to pretty faces. And that goes triple for you, with the Colgate smile and the Clearasil skin and Vidal Sasoon hair." Her eyes narrowed as she studied me from the passenger seat. "If we could just knock out a tooth or give you acne to look less slick, you'd have a better chance."

"Of what? Of not getting shot?" I was joking, hoping to draw a laugh out of her. But she just stared back in wide-eyed silence.

"He wouldn't do that. He would never do that." Bella sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than anyone.

Not that the Chief didn't have reason to take a popshot at me. After the fruit-rollup fuckery from yesterday, I'd come to three conclusions: Rose was a crappy friend. Alice was a crappy bestie. And I was a crappy boyfriend. Rose filled her head with nonsense, knowing full well Bella looked up to her and hung on her every word. Alice pushed her into yet another hare-brained scheme, simply because she was too chicken to do things by herself. And yet, their crimes seemed miniscule in comparison. Bella trusted me most of all, and I'd let her down. The fact Bella indecently proposed to me the same night she voiced guilt over my failing grades was not lost on me. It wasn't lost on me either how nervous and self-conscious she had been. That was normal, I told myself. We'd been leading up to this moment for weeks, I rationalized. However, a part of me knew she wasn't ready just yet.

Since then, she'd been enthusiastic all week to my constant advances. But it was like her body was five steps ahead of her mind, and I'd been too selfish to pause long enough for it to catch up.

The Chief was life's little ways of reminding me that karma worked in mysterious ways. And by mysterious, I meant my groin staring down the barrel of Daddy's shotgun the minute he figured out what was going on between us.

The house was a modest two-story model, completely immaculate from the outside. The windows were smudge-free, the lawn perfectly groomed. We were still getting out of the car when the front door flew open. The man dwarfed the doorframe, looking like he'd walked off a WWF ring and onto Bella's porch.

Charlie, he was not.

"Hell's Bells!"

In a quick second, he bolted out the door; leaped over the porch railing with one hand Dukes of Hazard style, and barely landed on the ground before exploding into a full sprint towards us.

Or Bella more like.

Charlie, no. Bo or Luke Duke? Possibly.

Without thinking, I started sprinting towards her side to head him off at the pass. But then Bella screamed out in laughter, "Slow down, you big spazz!" And before I knew it, there he was, scooping her up into his arms and twirling her around. In a tacky racer-backed "TapOut" tank top and track suit pants when a parka would have been more weather-appropriate.

Charlie, No. Bo or Luke, possibly. Daisy Duke on steroids? The racer-backed wife beater seemed to tip the possibility in her favor.

"If you EVER leave me alone with those two for Thanksgiving again, I swear...." His eyes were closed as his head nestled into her hair.

"I know, I know. I owe you. A big plate of brownies with your name on it tonight."

The exchange was innocent enough. Bella was patting his head now like he was a beloved kid brother. I knew all about this "kid brother," she'd mentioned him a lot in passing regarding her time in Forks. She just never mentioned the kid brother looked twenty-five and dwarfed me by several inches, even though I clocked in at a decent 6'2." Or that his bare biceps were larger than my two thighs combined. Or that when he patted her head back, he threaded his fingers through her hair. Just like how he threaded his fingers all around her waist at the moment......

"Edward, this is Jacob. Jacob, Edward."

Bella's hand presented him game show hostess style, as if she were showing me the new ice making features on a refrigerator. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Nice to meet you Jacob." I grabbed his hand firmly to make a good, first, nondandy impression. He pulled Bella closer into his hold, his other hand gripping back more firmly. And then even more, until he was literally squeezing the hell out of my hand.

All the while, keeping an angelic look on his face.

"Nice to meet _you_, Edward."

The way he held onto her with a posessive streak was icing on the cake, and made everything fall into place in an instant:

He was the one. He was Bella's first kiss.

**xx**

"And remember the time when Charlie and Billy made us paint both houses? One right after the other after the rumor spread like wildfire?"

They were laughing now at the kitchen table, all of us with coffee mugs in hand. I didn't even bother with the mug handle, I held it like a real man around the mug itself. Which was fucking burning my skin off, the coffee was so hot.

"What rumor did you two little rascals spread?" I wore an amused smile, knowing full well he wanted to stab my eye out for treating him like he was seven.

Two could play the game of pleasant smiles and subtle digs.

Bella leaned into me, giving me the opportunity to put an arm around her shoulder. My smile towards Junior widened.

"So, Billy, Jacob's dad, and Charlie are besties. And they do everything together, and forced us along everywhere they went. And one time they totally pissed us off because they took us on this god-awful camping trip where I ended up with tar on my feet--"

"And remember all the mosquito bites?" Jacob grazed her hand that was resting on the table. Very slowly. Bella nodded, oblivious to the pissing match between us.

"Yes! And so to get back at them, we entered this essay for a Father's Day Writing Contest in the local paper. We titled it "My Two Dads," and wrote about how our family was very untraditional; and that society may frown down upon this union but that it worked for us---"

Jacob started his grazing again: "Knowing full well it sounded like our dads were bffs with benefits."

Bella faced me for the punchline: "Long story short; it won first place, got printed in the local newspaper. And the Chief to this day still gets anonymous cupcakes sent to his work with encouraging notes like "Never be ashamed of who you are."

I laughed along with them, even though a petty place inside me hated seeing their camaraderie. I bent over and gave her a kiss: "Remind me to never piss you off, _Bells_."

Using his personal nickname for her caused his hands to clench.

Jacob fisted the table, and then pointed a finger at Bella. "And speaking of camping. Remember the time you and I had to share a tent because yours had a leak in it and it was raining. And you were freezing and wet. And I'd just started Boy Scouts and was like, "Hey, Bella, in my Boy Scout Survival Manual, it says if we take off all our clothes and share one sleeping bag, we can prevent hypothermia?"

Bella's eyes widened before she turned to me. "We were reallly young, by the way. Like thirteen and eleven, it was totally innocent."

Jacob didn't let it end just there, of course. "Oh, yeah, totally innocent. At first she was afraid I was being a perv. But when I told her that I could probably get a safety merit badge if we did this, she was like "well, in that case, if it's for a merit badge......"

Jacob's face twisted in sadistic pleasure as my fake smile cracked and turned into a dropped jaw.

Before I could push for more details, the two dads pulled up in the driveway in Charlie's huge truck. Apparently, Billy and Charlie were taking me fishing while Bella visited with some friends in the morning. I wanted to curse them for their timing, however. I was going to spend the rest of the morning hallucinating about a little Bella being molested by her tween brother who was already built like "The Rock" while Charlie and Billy braided eachother's hair in the next tent over.

**xx**

"Edmund, " Charlie said with a gruff nod, his hand pulling a Jacob on me as he shook my hand almost right off my arm.

The thing with Charlie was you didn't see him first, so much as hear him. Or his boots more like, the squared heels making a forboding click with every step on the hardwood floors. Bella had made him sound so old-school and uptight, I'd always imagined him older. A sort of cradle robber to Renee's child bride. But he was surprisingly young - he couldn't have been older than forty.

"Edward, Dad," Bella yelled out from behind me, her voice bordering on annoyance.

"He looks more like an Edmund." The Chief peered deep into my eyes as if he were reading my soul. This was the moment Bella had been fretting about for the whole car-ride. The moment he took a good look at me and instinctively knew I wasn't the right type of boy for the sweet, innocent girl he'd sent off to college. I could barely meet his eyes, feeling like he may have had a point.

I excused myself to use the bathroom after meeting Billy, who seemed like my best chance for finding an ally in this growing turf war over Bella. I thought taking a whiff of some Old Spice Cologne I knew Charlie stocked in his medicine cabinet would give me an added touch of butch. Old Spice smelled like mothballs and musk and was worn by macho seamen, the world over. That seemed like a good model to follow for the morning.

But a funny thing happened along the way to the bathroom. A fireplace to be exact, decorated on its top with framed pictures of Bella. Thirteen, in chronological order. The first picture on the left almost broke my heart; Bella, no older than five, all eyes and pigtails. Guilt washed over me again over the events of the past week. How could I want to kill Jacob for the tent shennanigans when I had done the same exact thing - and I wasn't even backed by the Boy Scouts of America?

So much of Bella's spunk and insecurities came from her high school experiences. Her self-professed status as a "poodle-haired nerd" was something she'd learned to both resent and own with pride. The top of my "to-do list" for this visit was to find anything, a yearbook or a class photo, that corroborated this recollection of Bella's. She'd sworn she was born awkward and ill at ease in her skin, that she had no choice being the daughter of Charlie Swan. But her kindergarten and first grade pictures null and voided these assertions. And the second and third and fourth and fifth grade pictures were similarly adorable. She was missing a front tooth in one, her hair was french braided in another.

Then came sixth, and seventh, and eighth grade. Middle School by definition always housed your homeliest photos. In all of mine, I had zits and too-hard-to-touch gelled spikes in every picture. I looked on in confusion though when I hit Bella's puberty poses and she looked....beautiful. Creamy, clear skin. Long, thick, shiny hair. Sure, her clothes were probably not the most fashionable, but who cared with those lips and smile? I hurried on now to the high school shots. Ninth looked even better than eighth grade, her face maturing enough to where her cheekbones were shining through. And tenth grade had no evidence of poodle hair, just of the fact that Bella's beauty was becoming more blatant, to the point that her junior pose was an unmistakeable example of a knock-out.

Her senior picture? Gorgeous. Innocent and alluring and beautiful all at the same time, just as I had noted the first day I met her.

What the hell had Bella been talking about all this time about her looks? And why the hell did no one ever ask her out? I would have been first in line the first day she had hit my campus.

"Why are you stroking her lips on her senior picture frame? Now I'll have to get the Windex out."

Caught red-handed feeling up his daughter, and not even the real, live version.

"Dad, I told you to put those down, how embarrassing." Bella rushed passed her father, scurrying me away from the Bella shrine. My voice didn't mean to sound accusing, it just came out that way:

"You never had a zit in your life. Your hair was beautiful. Where did you get the poodle tag?" And the awkward tag....and the plain tag..

She gave her pictures a quick rundown wih a grimace. "Maybe it wasn't as humid on picture day."

"All thirteen years?"

**xx**

"You look like an Edmund," Charlie continued as we got out of his truck.

"No, he looks like a Kyle. Or a Lance, " Jacob countered with a wink in Charlie's direction.

"He looks like an Edward to me." Billy gave me a reassuring smile. I stayed close to his side the whole trip, just as Bella had instructed.

"Listen," she whispered before releasing me to my three captors, " Billy's the easiest one to break. Once you break Billy, he'll persuade my dad to give you a second chance. And once Charlie breaks, Jacob will follow."

Second chance?

"Uh, yeah. Second chance. My dad took one look at your pretty face and that automatically forfeited your first chance."

"You're making it sound like I'm stepping into a really bad episode of _Survivor, _Bella."

She snorted without humor. "I wish it were that easy. These three guys are like cavemen, you need to throw some magic fire their way to make them respect you."

What?

"Magic fire, Edward, come on! You know how in your house you guys totally respect and show deference to the Saint and the Debate Queen?"

Yes.

"Well, that's all fine and good for you civilized folks. But for cro magnon families like mine, you have to push loved ones and throw magic fire in front of their faces. If Charlie beats his chest with his fists, you beat your chest right back at him. Don't give in an inch. That's how you gain respect in my family."

"With magic fire and chest pummeling?"

She looked at me like it was a given. "What else do you think will work on men who live off beer and ESPN and UFC cage fighting?"

**xx**

"Edmund, bring me my bait case in the truck bed," Charlie beckoned as he secured a place for us on the river's edge to fish.

Somewhere out there, Bella was yelling out to me, "Show him magic fire!"

But my mouth spoke reflexively: "Yes, sir."

Instead of magic fire, I handed him fruity Jazz Hands. And they pounced at my first sign of weakness for the rest of the trip:

"Edmund, can you lug the cooler over here?"

..

"Kyle, watch where your step! You're going to scare all the fish away!"

..

"Edmund, can you lug the cooler back to the truck? I just wanted a beer out of it."

..

"Lance, you are not wearing boxer-briefs are you? Please tell me I didn't just caught a glimpse of boxer-briefs..."

..

"Edmund, can you lug the cooler over here again? I'm thirsty and need another beer."

..

Billy tried to give me a forum to show my better sides: "So, EdWARD, you look athletic, did you play sports in school?"

"Yeah, actually I played La Crosse."

Blank stares all around.

"With the sticks with the net at the end to catch and pass and carry the ball across the field?"

Blank stares still.

"It's Native American in origin...."

Jacob snorted. "Well, aren't you a wealth of Native knowledge. Maybe you could pull a nose flute out of your ass and play us a little ditty while you're at it."

Billy threw Jacob a warning stare, but it only made him more self-satisfied.

"Oh, I think I know what you're talking about now, "Charlie interrupted. "The game where all the guys are running around with butterfly nets? Like it's a bunch of guys prancing around on the field trying to catch butterflies?"

Give him magic fire, I urged silently.

"I guess that's one way to look at it, Sir."

And with that non-fiery response, it was like I had just fashioned a unicorn out of bendable balloons to hand deliver to the Chief. While tap dancing to Liza Minelli.

Billy gave me a scolding stare, unhappy I totally blew the freebie he threw my way. He tried again.

"So, how did you meet our Bella?"

This I could work with.

"She's actually my sister's roommate. I met her the first day she moved into the dorms and we've been good friends ever since."

Charlie's ears pricked up with that last sentence. "You met the first day?"

I nodded.

'And you just started out as friends and one day thought, "Gee, she's a sweet girl, maybe I'll ask her out on a date?"'

Not really, but who needed to get too detailed? "I guess so, more or less."

"Bullshit." Charlie had a fiery gleam in his eye, as if he'd caught me in a lie.

Which he had.

"Here's what makes no sense, EdWARD. You're a good looking son of a bitch, you come from a great background. You're pre-med, you drive a nice car. My daughter is naive and shy, can count on one hand how many dates she's been on. And you're telling me you waltzed into her dorm the first day and she just wanted to be your friend? "

I didn't answer, because the more I spoke the more it seemed I was painting myself into a corner.

"Let me rephrase this, Edward: What happened that first day or two that made you two become friends. O_nly_."

My mind flooded back to that time. Of our flirtatious first meeting. Of me going back to her dorm to see if there was more than flirtation being offered. Of her making me forget about my plans, not just because she had no intentions of even kissing me, but because she made our conversations seem like the best foreplay I'd ever had. Of the next morning of Target shopping, and spaghetti eating in fields with no utensils, of unspoken hopes and promises to one another that resulted in matching lucky charm tattoos. And how everything had happened up until that point became null and void, all because of a few moments of drunken stupidity.

How could I possibly tell him we had just become mere friends that first day together when it was so much more?

'Let me explain something to you, son. That first night I talked to her at her dorm, she was on Cloud Nine. I-met-a-boy type of Cloud Nine. Two mornings later, I'm consoling her for who knows what because she won't tell me. She said she missed me, and maybe she did. But those few tears were brought on from someone pushing her off Cloud Nine. So, since YOU alone have placed yourself at the scene of the crime on that first day. And you've got that hair and the smile and the ability to break my girl's heart in a matter of hours with very little effort. Let me ask you: when my daughter met you that first day, did you just befriend her, which would have been the honorable thing to do, being you were older and more experienced and she wouldn't have had a chance against you if you laid on the charm? Or did you do some skirt chasing and cloud pushing instead? To the point you made my little girl, as stoic as they come, cry to me over the phone and use the word "daddy?"'

Well, well, well. Wasn't ol' Charlie, the Chief of Police in Two Bit Forks, Washington, a regular facking McGyver.

**xx**


	59. Bella Always Goes For Extra Credit

**Chapter 58: Bella Always Goes For Extra Credit**

**a/n**: Thanks for all the reviews-I really love them!

**a/n:** I'm sorry I'm limping towards the finish line with this story. But real life is being a real pain in the arse right now. I apologize, I know it ruins the momentum when updates take so long.

**a/n: FAQ:** "Why was Charlie being such a prick?" He's a cop with a daughter. Cops with daughters? Yeah, they tend to put suitors through hell before giving their blessing. Yes, it's macho, and somewhat sexist, but part of it comes from the fact that their day job exposes them to all the bad things that happen to others daughters as well.

**a/n: BITCH TITS**: Edward's nickname for Jacob, a term that refers to elongated, messed up looking nipples that are a product of steroid abuse.

**a/n:** **To help remind you of the previous chapter, here are some chapter prompts to help with this chapter:**

1) Bella put a fruit rollup on her chocha, and Edward had to surgically remove it with mustache clippers. Her chocha is now sore. lol

2) Bella and Edward head to Charlie's house. Jacob is clearly threatened by Edward's presence, and Charlie is suspicious of Edward and his pretty, metrosexual face.

3) Edward reckons that Jacob is Bella's first kiss, by the way he is acting around her. Jacob explaining how he tried to get Bella naked in a sleeping bag "to prevent hypothermia" only helps to fuel this notion.

4) Bella and Jacob wrote a Father's Day Essay named "My Two Dads" as a joke that eventually got published, and incited town rumors that Billy and Charlie are in a romantic, domestic relationship.

5) When Charlie insists on taking Edward fishing, Bella reminds him that her family is like a caveman family and unlike his family, the way to gain respect is to act aggressive and to throw a lot of "magic fire" in Charlie's face. Edward finds himself unable to act like a caveman even when Charlie is being an ass, and decides that instead of throwing magic fire his way, he's just throwing the equivalent of jazz hands.

6) Billy likes Edward, and tries to help out when they all go fishing in terms of winning Charlie over. But Charlie confronts Edward, and lets him know he figured out already that he's the reason Bella may have gotten her heart broken just a couple days into her college experience.

**And from Chapter 57:**

_Let me ask you Edward: when my daughter met you that first day, did you just befriend her, which would have been the honorable thing to do, being you were older and more experienced and she wouldn't have had a chance against you if you laid on the charm? Or did you do some skirt chasing and cloud pushing instead? To the point you made my little girl, as stoic as they come, cry to me over the phone and use the word "daddy?"'_

**XXXX**

Charlie "Effing MacGyver" Swan could have shot me in the knee cap and it would have hurt less than what he had said to me. Because the truth hurt. That if I had done the honorable thing, as someone older and more experienced, I would have just befriended Bella that first day. But I hadn't been honorable; I'd coveted her the minute I saw her, and made my mind up within moments that I'd have her before the night ended.

Which brought out another emotion I was feeling at the moment: anger. Anger at some of Charlie's assumptions.

"You don't give Bella enough credit. I pulled out every magic trick I had stuffed up my flirting sleeve that first evening. And all Bella did in response was scrunch her nose up like she smelled something bad and told me I had a corny smile."

Charlie's face betrayed a slight grin. I was afraid his face would crack.

I came clean. That I had the worst of intentions for Bella that day. But Bella disarmed me within minutes and turned her dorm room from a scene of a seduction into an amateur open mic comedy night instead.

No kissing required.

"She set the tone for our relationship from the start, and I've been playing catch-up ever since."

"But the phonecall. The one where she was crying," Charlie inquired.

Oh, that.

I told him of the second day we'd spent together. How I offered to take her around to get some shopping done. How I already began to worry about her, that the jobs she was applying for didn't seem safe enough. That we made plans for a legitimate first date the day after. But that things got complicated after I'd drop her home from our all-day outing. Jealousy got the better part of me; I was sure she was on a date with someone else, even while I was on a date too. That I drank and became careless, and Bella saw me kissing someone else just hours after I'd dropped her off. How she promptly cut me off from seeing her that very night.

"She would only let me write her for over a month. And that was how we started over, and did things right the second time around. We became friends first before she gave me another chance."

Charlie just stared at me like I was from Mars. I don't think he was expecting me to be so forthcoming.

"Well, that sounds about right. Bella's always had a good head on her shoulders." He peered over at me with narrowed eyes. "Most of the time."

**xx**

"What happened after that," Bella asked wide-eyed, when I told her how it all went down. We were huddled in her kitchen now, as the unholy trinity waited for us outside.

"Um...fishing in silence with your father scowling. Billy would crack up laughing every time he looked in your father's direction."

"And Jacob? Was he being okay?"

Jacob, that little overgrown shit.

"He just kept calling me Edmund for the rest of the time. Or Lance. It was harmless."

"He didn't have your back or anything?"

Did the several fist pummels he landed near my kidney count while shooing away imaginary mosquitos?

Bella inspected my back, looking for bruises like a protective mama bear. "Aholes," she whispered as her lips pressed gently against mine. I stopped her mid-pucker, putting an accceptable distance between her and me.

"The blinds, Bella. They're open, and Charlie's right outside."

Bella glanced out the window and back at me, a wicked smile spreading across her face. "Let them see." Her arms were around me instantly as her tongue jutted out into my mouth.

I closed my lips reflexively.

She stepped back with a shocked smile on her face. "Oh, my God. This whole time I thought Charlie's sexual repression was genetically inherited. But now, I can see the truth- it's VIRAL. It infects through air-borne exposure. That's why I went from uber-virgin to college jezebel in no time flat. The cockblocking virus wasn't ravaging my libido anymore at University!"

Her voice was rising; I tried to tell her to pipe down, but it only made her talk louder.

"And that's why in three hours flat you've become frigid! Charlie's airborne sexual repression spores, they're invading your lungs as we speak. As well as your peni---

The more I tried to shut her up, the more she yelled.

At one point, Bella knocked on the window loudly, getting her father's attention:"Dad, do you have anymore of those breathing masks you wear when you mow the lawn? Edward and I need some before your spores ressurect our hymens by sundown!" She laughed mischievously as her father put his hand to his ear, signaling he couldn't quite hear.

"What do you need masks for, Bells?" She turned to me with a smirk.

"See? That's how you throw magic fire in Charlie's face, to catch him off guard." She made a fist, "and then just GO in for the kill when he's still in shock."

I sighed out of frustration. "Bella, I thought I was coming home to meet your father, not to challenge him to a death match inside the Mad Max ThunderDome. I don't think getting on his good side includes burning him with magic fire after already admitting that I wanted to bang his daughter the first night I met her."

This trip of ours was mainly to talk to Renee, and our side tour to Charlie's house was almost an afterthought. But of course I wanted to win him over. And for all of Bella's insistence that I needed to be more confrontational, I couldn't help but think otherwise. He was the Chief of Police; he knew how to twist the truth out of people, that was his job. I couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, he wanted to see when was my breaking point, and what brought it out. If I broke too early, I would exemplify rash impulsivity. If I broke too late, I'd show weakness and indecisiveness. It was too early still to break, was my gut feeling.

"Bella, trust me, okay? I admire your Dirty Harry ways, but I'm going the Cool Hand Luke route for now."

She wanted to trust me, I could tell. But Bella looked unconvinced. "Well, at least let me have a word with all of them and then we'll see how much longer they get your name wrong--"

I grabbed her hand. "Bella that would be the worst possible move, to have me hiding behind Mama's magic fired apron strings."

Bella grimaced. "Ew, that makes me sound like I have Syphillis or something."

"Bellllla!" Jacob yelled out as he hurried up the porch steps. "What's taking so long?"

Bella lowered her voice in my direction. "I'll talk to Jacob too, he doesn't mean any harm. He's just like an overprotective brother."

"A brother who you played doctor with in a sleeping bag post-puberty?"

There, I said it.

She stared at me for a second before laughing out loud. "We didn't actually take our clothes off that one night. It was just a two minute conversation that passed as quickly as it began. We were little kids at the time."

That made me feel a little better, but not by much. "But he was your first kiss, wasn't he?"

She bit her lip, a sheepish smile grazing her face. "Yeah, he was. But shit, Edward. We were stuck farting around in the woods every weekend together while our dads were platonically courting eachother. No smores, no basic cable. It was either make out together or go skinny dipping. I think I picked the better option."

I shuddered at the thought of a nubile Bella skinny- dipping with the posterchild for teenaged steroid abuse. His bitch tits were visible even when he was wearing a shirt.

"Can I be an ass and ask when was the last time you kissed him?" Images of them sticking their tongues down eachothers throats just before she left for college flooded my mind.

She squinched an eye, trying to remember. That was a good sign.

"I think like the end of my freshman year. We just wanted to be friends at some point."

Translation: SHE wanted to be friends.

Baby Huey was about to open the door, so she whispered into my ear: "He's just a big lug who can be overprotective sometimes. I'll talk to him."

With that, she raced to the front door to meet him and promptly smacked him on the back of the head with an open palm.

"Geesh, Bella," grabbing his head," what the hell?"

"That's to help joggle your memory so YOU get Edward's name right next time ." She emphasized "you" with another head slap before turning back towards me and making magic fire flame gestures with her fingers.

I watched as she squabbled with him on the porch, deflating his bravado within mere seconds. Billy was laughing watching the scene while Charlie just shook his head.

I turned towards the refrigerator, waiting for a less awkward moment to emerge behind my Mama's apron strings. The kitchen was immaculate, like a serial killer with OCD. Or a cop like Charlie with a background in the military. Hyperogranized too. There was a list on the freezer, explaining what was stored on each shelf. And seasonings were even alphabetized on the spice rack.

I couldn't help but smile at all the rank and file organization, noticing how Bella's little "quirks" with labeling everything and keeping immaculate records resembled her father. Even if Charlie was a bit of a hard ass so far, I couldn't completely dismiss a man who taught his daughter how to balance a checkbook to the last penny while sharpshooting magic fire in a seamless bound.

**xxx**

"But I wanted to make dinner for you, Dad. I miss cooking. And I missed Thanksgiving."

"No you didn't, Pumpkin. We all decided to have Thanksgiving dinner when you came home. Dinner's on me tonight."

Charlie's gruff voice only took a vacation when he was using terms of endearment for Bella. Pumpkin. Sweetheart. Darlin'. He said them as if the Bella he was talking to was a six year old child. Maybe daughters never fully grow up in the eyes of their fathers though.

She smiled at the softness of his tone. But there was an undercurrent of foreboding there as well. I leaned in closely to her, so Bitch Tits on the other side of me couldn't hear.

"What's wrong?"

Bella winced before whispering back:

"You know that really nice steakhouse your parents took us to when they visited?"

I nodded.

"Well, Charlie's paying your family back right now, and you're gonna wish that he hadn't."

I'd never been to a Sizzler Franchise Steak House.

But once I stepped into the wood panel walled dining area that was littered with senior citizens, I felt like I'd been transported into 1986.

Which apparently was the last time they had freshened up their all-you-can-eat salad bar.

"The mushrooms in that container look fossilized, " Bella marveled as we passed by the first tier of the bar on our way to the ordering station.

"Pick anything on the menu, Edward." Charlie motioned to the loudly colored picture menu on the wall, complete with meal options that corresponded to numbers. He looked over at the worker manning the register. "Make sure that you add on the all-you-can-eat-salad bars for each entree."

"Bella? Isabella Marie Swan?" The boy at the register cleared his throat dramatically before angling his head towards the kitchen area behind him. "BELLA SWAN, it seems like it's been forever."

She smiled back gently. "Hey, Eric. It's only been two months since I left actually. But it's good to be ba---"

He cut her off, his eyes full of hunger - and not for the Butterfly Winged Shrimp on sale for 7.99 either. "It's been FIVE months actually. Seeing you at the cabin on the Fourth of July doesn't count."

Cabin? First, Bella had He-Man trying to get her naked in a sleeping bag, and now we had Eric and a cabin, the same guy who was mistaking Bella's nipples for her eyes at the moment.

"Ahem," the Chief coughed out in a threatening tone. Eric's eyes quickly went back to eye level.

"It's felt like forever, actually. Aren't you a sight for sore eyes, BELLA SWAN."

And sore penises apparently, as he took one more peek at Bella's treasure chest.

I didn't get why he was yelling out her name repeatedly. I thought maybe he was a slow, with the weird way he stared at her as proof. But then all the scurrying movement in the back kitchen made it clear what was going on. "Eric" was signaling to his fellow Sizzlings _who_ had just walked into the restaurant.

Two sets of eyes were peering through the cook's shelf now, gazing out at Bella, with one of them letting out a low whistle. My eyes fell on my girl, suddenly hyper-aware of just how tight and low rise her jeans were at the moment. And how that thin, cashmere sweater of hers was clinging to her chest for dear life. In a room full of memaws, it wasn't hard to believe that Bella was a horny fresh breath of air for the male workers there.

But it didn't lessen my desire to stab all their eyes out either with the steak knives that were conveniently placed just to the right of "Eric."

Not only was sexual repression airborne in the Swan household: so were caveman tendencies. Before I even realized it, my body was lunging forward, trying to block the perverts view.

That is, until Jacob wedged in front of me first. Taking it one step further, he slouched over, staring back at the Peeping Toms. Charlie had Jacob's back, literally, keeping his eye on Eric, while Bella was completely oblivious to it all and continued her small talk with the boy. All Billy needed to do was hunch over to the side of Charlie, and they would have resembled the Charlies Angels in full finger gun pointing mode.

I'd been mistaken. Charlie wasn't effing Macgyver, and Jacob wasn't a WWE wrestling reject. They were part of a highly trained SWAT team unit with one mission and one mission only: take down any bastard who so much as thought about compromising Bella's virtue.

No wonder I never had a chance: they could tell from a mile away I'd compromised everything they'd secured for years in the space of two months.

**xxx**

"This shrimp tastes like Comet. Is shrimp ever suppossed to taste like Comet?" Bella took a whiff of the Shrimp Paella I'd scooped up from the salad bar earlier and made a face.

"No, shrimp should never taste like poisonous cleanser. Stop eating it, like five minutes ago. " She rubbed my tummy sympathetically. But then her hand began to dip lower with each rub, until her hand brushed up against the length of my zipper.

It was soon becoming abundantly clear that being a Chief of Police's daughter? Was sorta like being a preacher's daughter. The closer in proximity she was to Daddy, the more she acted out on me. Had I known this truth earlier, we would have made a trip up to Daddy's house a month or two earlier. But it was today, and I still had a father to gain acceptance from.

"Bella," I scolded in a whisper as my eyes scanned the restaurant to see if Charlie had noticed. He was too busy scooping up his third serving of Split Pea Soup.

Which meant of course, that Eric had to come by the table for the tenth time, just to see if Bella "needed more napkins." He'd only sniff around Bella when Bitch Tits and Macgver were slopping more helpings onto their plates. Which was averaging every three minutes.

"Hey, Eric," I called after him as he scurried back to his work station. "Can I get another steak knife? I dropped mine on the ground."

He handed me it warily. "You Bella's boyfriend or something?"

I nodded back casually, trying to figure out how to ask him this. "Listen, I take it you went to school with her, right?"

He nodded back.

"I'm just curious, could I ask you a couple questions?"

**xxx**

"Edward, your Texas Toast is getting cold!"

I waved back at Charlie, who was clearly pissed I was letting a warm piece of toast go to waste.

"I'll be right there."

Turning back to Eric, I asked him one last question: "So, Bella has no idea?"

He shook his head. "I don't really think so. She's always been an unassuming type of girl. And don't get me wrong, she can pull a bitch out of her hat if you ever challenged her in an academic setting. But she never seemed to notice that Charlie or Billy or Jacob were always standing behind her, silently threatening to rip off our fuck parts if we so much as smiled at her too long."

For the record, Eric was not one for eloquence.

"But what's all the protectiveness for though, you know? So she can go and marry Jacob one day?" Eric looked downright indignant now. "He's practically her brother if you want to get technical, since Billy is Charlie's domestic partner."

"Billy and Charlie aren't together like that," I spoke up. "They are just BFFs."

Eric gave me a dubious look. "More like FWBs. Or soul mates in matching flannel. I mean, do BFFs share Texas Toast all lovingly the way these two do?"

I looked over just in time to see Charlie steal my Texas Toast and cut it right down the middle, offering Billy the other half. Eric looked back at me.

"Please, in Cop language, sharing his Texas Toast is equivalent to giving Billy an anniversary diamond tennis bracelet. Cops NEVER share their Texas Toast, it's more highly prized than glazed doughnuts."

Yikes.

I wasn't sure if Toast equaled jewelry, but Billy wiping off some crumbs from Charlie's 'stache with his napkin wasn't a visual that was helping my argument at the moment.

But that was beside the point. Eric dropped some major truth bombs on the whole situation, and made it clear that Charlie had always silently discouraged boys from approaching her in any capacity. Eric confirmed this.

"Who needs words when Charlie can just molest the gun holster on his hip like it was Billy's nipple every time any of us so much as talked to her? None of us ever had a chance."

That is, except for Jacob, he added.

"I mean, Jacob IS like a son to him, so I understand Charlie's bias, " Eric stated. "Maybe the state of Washington doesn't acknowledge their civil union, but you can't deny the motherly tenderness Chief Swan has for that ahole."

On cue, Jacob and Charlie broke out into laughter, with Charlie placing his hand on Bitch Tits shoulders.

"So, it's always been the three of them, keeping a buffer around Bella so that none of us ever got more than an accidental side boob graze when passing paper copies down the line in class."

I shot a look over in his direction. Did he just say that outloud?

"Oh, please, like you wouldn't have done the same thing too if you didn't have that pretty boybander face to fall back on and spent half your work shift at Sizzler rummaging through the trash looking for dentures that had been accidentally thrown out," he added with a scowl.

**xxx**

Bella went to visit twelfth grade bff Han San for an hour, leaving me alone at home with Charlie's Angels once again. Which worked out perfectly, for what I was planning. I just had to wait for the right moment to introduce the topic of conversation.

Or more like introduce conversation period, since none of them had spoken a word since Bella had left. They were too busy watching a UFC match that Charlie had recorded earlier on his DVR. I was sharing a loveseat with Bitch Tits, while Billy and Charlie lounged side by side in matching Lazy-Boy recliners.

They even had their legs crossed in unison.

"You ever did any training, EdWARD," Jacob asked while nodding his head towards the TV set.

"No, the closest I got was doing wrestling in eighth grade."

Wrong answer.

Within two minutes, Bitch Tits had moved the coffee table and was coaxing me to get on all fours for a little "grappling lesson." Within another ten, I'd been pinned, choke holded, and my arm almost pulled from its socket as he twisted it into some pretzel shape. He wasn't completely untouched - I had made his nose bleed just minutes earlier.

Once the blood started falling onto the carpet, Billy broke it up.

"You just have to tap out with your other hand next time, and I'll stop right away," he informed me. Like there would be a next time. But everyone was looking at me now, to see if my arm needed any ER attention, and it seemed like there was no time like the present to ask.

"Did Bella never date in high school because she was never asked, or because no one ever got close enough to ask her?" I would have worded it more politely earlier in the day, but I was still out of breath; and frankly, out of patience at this point.

"Bella dated," Jacob interjected.

"I didn't mean with people who are practically blood relatives to her." His face dropped and I forced myself not to smirk like an immature twelve year old.

"Bella always did a lot of things with our family. But she was never one of those boy crazy girls. She worried about her schoolwork and her SAT scores more than she did about boys."

He wasn't getting off that easy.

"But a girl like Bella would at least get asked out. And yet, she never did." A faint smile appeared on Charlie's face.

"It's never easy to be a cop's daughter, I guess."

"It's even harder to be a guy looking in her direction. I mean, the way you two barricaded her in the restaurant from all the gawkers, without her even noticing, it was pretty impressive."

They all let out knowing chuckles.

"Well, you learn how to do things subtly when it comes to Bella, or else she'd bite all our heads off. She's not one for fanfare, especially when it comes to herself and boys."

Now we were getting somewhere.

"No, she's not. But did she understand why people didn't ask her out this whole time?"

That was my real question. Because from all her high school recollections, she hadn't understood. I heard all about her awkward phases that lasted for years, her unfortunate wardrobe choices, her friends that led similarly monkish lifestyles. But never once had I heard her mention that Daddy kept every male at a safe distance from her.

"That's the funniest part really," Charlie said with a chuckle. "I never even had to hide it from her, what I as doing. She just assumed no one wanted to date her because she had a perm she hated the first year she came here. She kept mentioning her bad perm as a boy repellent, two years after it had already grown out!"

All three laughed now, finding humor in something that was quickly annoying me.

"That's not funny. You think that's funny? That you guys let her think she wasn't getting asked out because she wasn't attractive enough? You all just let her think that?"

Charlie's smile faded as he heard the clipped tone in my voice. "Does it really matter what the reason was? As long as it kept her focused on school and not becoming just another boy crazy teenager who lived and died by which boy crushed on her?"

"Of course it matters. You're laughing because you pulled one over on her. You let her think it was her hair, or awkwardness that kept boys at bay. But do you realize how that one secret of yours affected her whole fucking high school experience?"

Not only were sexual repression spores and caveman tactical spores rampant in the Cullen household; now, I was picking up Bella's habit of unfortunate cussing in front of the parental units.

"Oh, don't be dramatic," Charlie grumbled. But his knitted eyebrows betrayed concern with where this was going. And I kept going.

"You do realize she started out with a relatively large group of friends when she started school here, right? But that the circle of friends she hung out with got smaller and smaller each year? Because while all her friends were getting asked out and socializing with the opposite sex, Bella was treated like the plague by boys? She thought she was invisible. Weird and untouchable."

Charlie shook a hand in my direction, but I kept going. "By her senior year, the only girl she hung out with consistently was Han San-"

"Yes, Han San, I know," Charlie chimed in. "And Han San was a much more worthy friend to spend time with than some boyfriend. Han San taught her all she knew from all the SAT prep courses her parents put her in, those fancy courses we could never afford."

"Yes, Han San was a good friend," I countered. "But that doesn't take away from the fact Bella went through high school thinking she was invislble to half the school population. And who wouldn't think that if everyone treated you like the plague?"

Charlie's face was getting red now - I was pissing him off. But it only fired me up more.

"Everyday I tell her how beautiful she is, and everyday she smirks at me like I'm a liar. She tells me I need glasses, and means it. She had no clue then how beautiful she was, and she has no clue now. You're lucky she didn't go crazy at college once you weren't there to be a buffer anymore and she got inundated with attention. Did you ever tell her how lovely she was, ever?"

"Sure, I did," he said with no confidence at all. "Maybe not in so many words, but she knew. And I don't think it's your place to even be talking to me this way. You've only known her a couple months, that's hardly enough time to feel like you have a right to tell me how to parent my own child."

"Well, it's enough time for me to know that I love her and worry about her, the way all of you do I'm sure. Why else would I have put up with all the shit you guys threw at me all day?"

He shrugged his shoulders slightly.

"Obviously, I'm the first person to put up with what you guys dish out. That should count for something."

I got up before another word could be said, and caught Billy giving me a slight nod with a grin.

"Tell Bella I went to bed early. Oh, and one more thing - Jacob?" I pointed in his direction, getting his full attention.

"Bells? The most goddamned annoying nickname. Ever."

Well what do you know. Magic fire can shoot out of a dandy afterall.

**xxx**

I fell asleep quickly after taking a hot shower, it had been a long day. But it was hardly a sound slumber. My words to Charlie kept coming back to haunt me, especially since Dream Charlie answered my criticisms with shooting me in the 'nads.

I was drifting off to unconsciousness again when I heard it: Charlie's footsteps. They were unmistakeble, his hard soled boots tapping against the old wooden floors. I shut my eyes tighter as the steps stopped at my door.

To no avail though. The door opened quickly and shut just as fast. A flashlight clicked on, and began to randomly flash all over the room as he walked.

I was gonna die. I was gonna die in a town that was named after a utensil, under a comforter that had a weird duck pattern on it and smelled like Vic's Vapor Rub. And Charlie would get away with it, apologizing to my parents that he mistook their son "Edmund" for a cat burglar.

His shoe kicked my bed, a silent demand to pull my comforter back off over my head. I relented.

"What do you want, Charlie?" He flashed the light straight into my eyes, momentarily blinding me.

"I want your Kibbles n' Bits hanging from my car's rear view mirror, the way others display furry dice."

I could make out the contours of the Chief's police hat at the top of the dark form, but they gave way to other contours below. Of gentle curves and lean, smooth limbs that accompanied the sweet voice....

"Bella?"

She put the miniflashlight up to her lips, motioning to be more quiet. But I was too distracted by the light revealing her in nothing more than a flimsy wife beater and undies.

White cotton even.

"Shhhh," she whispered out as I swung my legs over the side of the bed and sat up.

"You need to get some clothes on before Daddy comes in and shoots first then asks questions later. My pj bottoms are on the floor somewhere...." I tried to bend down to the floor to retrieve the bottoms I'd thrown on the floor earlier, but her hands grabbed a hold of my thighs and spread them abruptly.

"Daddy sleeps like a brick. Nice boxers, by the way." Bella flung the flashlight onto the mattress, pushed in between my legs, then knelt down before me. She giggled as my whole body tensed, even more so as her warm breath brushed up against my boxers.

Too close for discomfort.

I clenched my knees against her shoulders to keep her from moving any closer: "I thought you said your feminine mystique was still recovering from the emergency surgery yesterday."

Bella had a real aversion for most female genital names.

_"Vagina_ sounds like some sort of fungus," she once said. "_Pussy_ sounds like something a guy with hairy nipples and a big gold chain would say while dry humping your leg."

Consequently, we took turns giving her "rosebud" all sorts of reverential designations.

"Yes," she replied, "my flowery secrets are taking the night off. But it doesn't mean your skyscraper has to as well." Her eyebrow arched as if issuing a challenge my way.

The groan came out before I could stop it. Because it was a cruel twist of fate: after months of being the outwardly patient boyfriend who inwardly speculated constantly about Bella's warm lips wrapping around me, she finally was offering me a---

"Sucky, sucky, five dollah?" Her shoulders were shaking now in silent laughter as my jaw dropped at confirmation of her indecent proposal.

This was the upside: Bella was finally game. The downside? I was going to have my penis shot off in the middle of the glorious act by her father when he'd undoubtedly hear me groaning out his daughter's name at full volume. And it would be fully justified if he shot me up too, because just hours earlier I had felt guilty for making Bella rush into things she wouldn't have rushed into otherwise.

She rested her head in my inner thigh, nuzziing it slowly with her hair. And those lips dragging against my skin slowly upwards-

"Bella, wait." She looked up at me, before planting a small kiss on my thigh, right where the skin gave way to a boxer hem.

Deep breath.

"It's just..."

She grazed my thigh ever so slightly with her bottom lip.

"that I worry that you have this tendency of..."

And another kiss, in the same place as before, but opened mouthed now and more lingering.

"...shit....uh...this tendency of sexually initiating things when you feel bad for me."

And another kiss, this time a mere centimeter higher than the last; but damnit, what a difference a centimenter closer to ground zero can make.

"And I don't...god, right there...right there where you are..."

Her tongue flicked out again in obedience, the wetness straining through the cotton and warming my skin. Her cheek was brushing up against my cock now and her hair was tickling my thighs in a way that felt amazing...

I made one last stand, freezing her from any further movement by grabbing her shoulders.

"Wait, Bella, this isn't....right. Because...."

Wait, why wasn't it right?

"Because I don't want you to do things just to make up for your Dad being harsh with me today...."

And what else could be the reason for this indecent proposal? She had yet to show any initiative about giving me head. She offered; but with the tone that she used, she could have been offering to help me out with her taxes all the same. She had never approached me with this much enthusiasm, ever.

Bella waited for me to finally look at her, then gave me a quick wink.

"Edward, let's get my messed up priorities straight. I'm not going down on you to make up for my father's behavior. I'm going down on you to get BACK at my father. A world of difference - pity vs. revenge."

With a smirk, she threw her Daddy's Chief hat onto my head, then fingered the elastic waist of my boxers and tugged downwards. And God forgive me, I should have fought harder. But who was I to get in the way of some good, old fashioned teenaged rebellion?

So I helped her take my boxers off and sat back down. I closed my eyes and waited for her to cry. Because whenever Bella initiated anything sexual, it played out similarly each time. Bella would dive in, nervous sexual guns ablazing. And then she'd shoot herself in the foot like we all do the first time out, which usually resulted in damaging my penis in some form. Which led to tears, and reassurances, and finally a second attempt that proved more successful. Bella was used to doing things right the first time. But sexual conquesting her experienced boyfriend with no reference points and a little devil on her shoulder telling her she was doing everything wrong? How did she put it once:

"It's like my tenth grade year at regionals for Debate Team, and I had to go against Greg Jung from Wilson High on a foreign policy question regarding US/Japan trade negotiations. Greg Jung, the kid who came from Japan just three years prior! You are my Greg Jung of Sex!"

So, I closed my eyes, bit my tongue, and waited for her to pull a sexual faux paus that would make her self conscious. I was already anticipating a likely scenario: Bella letting her teeth get in the way....

But I waited. And waited some more, and nothing happened. No overzealous manuevering, no awkward tugging or pulling. Just her hands rubbing rhythmically down my thighs, then up underneath my boxers and back. I peeked open one eye, and then two. And almost pulled an Ol' Faithful on her by the sight before me: Bella, with her wife beater hiked up to expose one of her breasts, hovering just to the side of my cock, her mouth opened suggestively. When she knew she had my full attention, her tongue flicked out slowly, as if she was going to lick my tip. But...she came just short of contact.

She laughed as I cursed in disappointment, but went through the motions again: bobbing her head downward while keeping eye contact, opening her mouth so close to my cock her breath tickled me, and licking the length - from a mere inch away.

My rod was like a metal detector on the beach pinging in on a soda can. It lunged forward on its own accord to make up the distance. Her tongue brushed up against my shaft, and if she just went a couple inches north, all would be right in my world. But she had other plans. She licked downward and the upward along the length, again and again, stopping just short of the head.

"Shit, Bella," I hissed out in frustration the third time around, avoiding the one place I wanted her mouth the most.

"Patience, " she whispered back, just before blowing some hot air at the tip. She was watching the effect she had on me with too much self-satisfaction, I was fidgeting like a man with a fever of 108 F. Keeping her eyes on mine, she finally took me in her warm, avid mouth with a low groan.

Houston we've made contact.

I tried to choke out a curse; because if any feeling and any sight deserved cursing, it was this moment. But nothing came out. How could I say anything? There were too many sights to take in, too many feelings flooding through me, fogging up my thought processes.

Bella's mouth relentless, gliding up and down in a firm rhythmic hold. Her fingers scratching softly along abs and hips. Her breasts bouncing, and hips grinding in time with her mouth.

And then she stopped cold turkey, pausing just long enough to see my frantic reaction to the loss of her touch.

"Does this still feel wrong to you?"

"Fuck....god...come on...no...please..." was all I could stammer out in response. Which was good enough for her; she gripped me now with her hand, holding me firm at the base, her mouth resuming its duties.

And I didn't know if I wanted to moan or cry. Because watching her cup and stroke and lick and suck me all at once was hotter than anything I'd ever imagined. But it broke my heart at the same time. Because Bella could do the dirtiest, hottest things with so much affection at the same time. The way she held me with her hand, took time out to kiss my head as if it were my lips, brushed her cheek lovingly against my thigh. It was too much. The intimacy she was putting into every single move was overwhelming.

I finally cried out, and roughly pulled her body up to meet me face to face. She moaned first in outrage, then surrender, as I slid my tongue in and out of her mouth. I flipped us over, with Bella's back falling onto the mattress. I needed to get inside her again.

But as I hovered over her, I wasn't sure where to go from there. Her garden of eden was off limits for the night; and I didn't want to be some pig who sat on top of her chest and told her to open up wide again. Hell, I was so desperate for any contact, she could have lifted her elbow at a ninety degree angle and I would have happily serviced it. Because it was still soft and still Bella.

But as always, she had better plans.

"Sit up a little closer," she suggested sweetly, as if she were offering me one or two lumps of sugar for my tea. And with just as innocent a smile she lifted up her tank top, grabbed her breasts with both hands, and squeezed them together suggestively.

Much better idea than the squeezed elbow.

I scooted up at lightning speed, giggling like a little girl at the newfound discovery that Bella had a freak streak she'd been hiding this whole time.

Note to self: Must bring Bella to visit Charlie. Often.

Like a fumbling fourteen year old, I guided myself in between the bottom of her breasts and pumped inward. The first thrust was barely tolerable, I was already teetering on the edge. But the second? I made the mistake of looking down as my cock pushed through the two mounds of flesh, and out the other side. As I watched on in awe, Bella leaned her head forward and met my cock with her mouth. I froze as she leaned in closer, taking in as much as she could, all the while smirking at me.

"I'm gonna come," I shuddered out as I retreated backwards from her mouth and her tits. I wasn't sure I would handle another go.

But that didn't stop me from at least trying.

I pumped forward more slowly this time, pushing through her slicked up breasts. And once again, she leaned in and took me in even deeper into her warm mouth this time, with a wink. But that wasn't what did me in. It was the low groan she made when I pushed in even further.

That groan reverberated against my tip, and it sent me over the edge. Her mouth on me was like touching a heated stove. It had that same intense sensation of burning, but with pleasure instead of pain. That unbearable feeling of tension releasing started like a pin prick at my head, but soon washed down like a wave towards my thighs, up to my abs. Hell, my fingers were even tingling as I finally gave in.

"Bella, shit..." I doubled over onto elbows, trying not to suffocate the poor girl, while attempting to jerk myself out of her mouth. But she wouldn't let me budge. Bella grabbed onto my hips and kept me put in her mouth as I came.

It felt amazing while it lasted, don't get me wrong. But the second I finished, I felt like a pig, crouched over a small little thing like Bella. I collapsed to the side of her, waiting for her reaction.

Her face was hard to read. She wasn't trying to pull one of those corny wanna-be porn star moves that some girls overdo, where she pretended my come tasted like a luscious ginger snap baked by God Himself.

But she wasn't dry heaving or looking nauseous either, which was a good sign. I rubbed her chin lightly with a finger, when she finally looked back at me with sheepish smile.

"Tastes like chicken."

We both broke out in laughter and I bear hugged her so hard, she had to tell me to loosen the hold.

"I'm fine," she giggled out when I kept apologizing to her for coming in her mouth. "It's salty, but not unpleasant. Like Bisquick biscuit batter before you bake it."

I didn't think I could love her anymore than I did in that moment. Who the hell even knew what Bisquick tasted like unbaked?

"Where the hell did that come from, Bella? Where the hell did YOU come from..." I kept asking those questions over and over again, trying to process how she pulled _that_ out of nowhere and gave me the best sexual experience of my life. In a crappy twin bed in her dad's house no less.

"It came from loving you, you silly boy." A morbid thought shot through my head, instantly worrying me.

"Wait a minute, this isn't some weird thing you cooked up with Alice, is it? You guys weren't watching Martha Stewart yesterday were you?"

She shook her head. "No, it's all Esme's doing."

My dick instantly shriveled like a snail coming in contact with salt.

"Hear me out. So, while you were having your Daddy Daughter talk with Carlisle on Thanksgiving morning, I took a break from cooking and found some old Cosmopolitans of your moms. I saw one particular issue from December of 1992 with the cover blurb that read: "Twelve Days of Mind Blowing Blow Jobs."

Twelve different days?

"Yes, twelve different days. But I've always been a sucker for extra credit, so I tried to concentrate as many techniques from the twelve days into one singular blow job. I think I got about..." her head went back as she scrunched her eyes," like seven of the twelve tricks included right now."

Another set of giggles came on, as it soon became apparent where the hell this came from, beyond loving silly boys. Esme's back issues of trashy magazines, and Charlie's authoritative ability to embolden Bella, even in ways he'd cringe at if he knew.

I was in the middle of telling her this when she suddenly froze, and then flung herself underneath the bed.

"Charlie" was all I heard before the door flew open. I threw the blanket over me. The hall light illuminated the room as he walked towards me.

"Listen, Edward," he whispered once he stopped at the foot of my bed. "I wanted to have a word with you, about earlier."

"Yeah?"

He opened his mouth to continue, then his eyes narrowed as he looked at me.

"What the hell are you doing with my Chief's hat on your head, you little weirdo..."

Before I could answer, he'd rushed over and confiscated it from me. He peered at me closer.

"Why are you all sweaty and chill...y looking?"

Think fast, Cullen....

"The shrimp. I think the shrimp at the salad bar was bad. It tasted like Comet, and now....now I've got chills and I'm a little sweaty. But I'll be all right."

He looked at me a little closer, but my answer seemed to appease him.

"Sorry to hear that. But listen, Edward, with what you said earlier tonight."

"I was out of line," I blurted out. I didn't want Bella to know what we had been talking about. Not yet at least. "I meant some of the things I said, but I could have worded it more appropriately-"

"No, Edward, what you said was right. And it's kept me up this whole time to be honest."

This whole time?

"It's just, I never realized what I was doing was giving her a hang-up. I never realized she was missing out on so much at school. That maybe she would have liked to go out more with friends than have dinner watch TV with me every night..."

Shit. I heard Bella gasp softly. I threw an arm down below the bed. Bella grabbed it.

"It's not like that at all, Mr. Swan. She misses you so much. I wasn't saying she didn't want those things with you. I just meant that sometimes, it would have been nice if she'd realized others would have liked to spend time with her too."

Charlie just shook his head.

"I thought I was protecting her. And to think what I did could have made her more open to things now that she's away because I kept too tight a grip on her..."

Great. I just made him think she was going buck wild at orgies and crackhouses now.

"That's not the case at all. You did an amazing job with Bella. She's driven and focused, very loyal to her friends and family. Is always on time, very organized, with a strong work ethic. Doesn't let anyone pressure her or push her around. You did so many things _right_, Mr. Swan."

I could tell he didn't believe me.

"See, Edward: Billy and me? We aren't the prettiest guys in town, and don't have many romantic prospects on the horizon in this small town. His wife died just a year before Bella moved to live with me. And I'll be honest, I was overwhelmed when she came here. Billy was overwhelmed too, raising Jacob alone. So we banded together, helped one another out while we made our way as single parents. And it was different, and some people misinterpret this arrangement, but we made our own little family of four. I know Jacob was being a bit of a dick today, but Billy and him love Bella dearly."

"I understand, really, Charlie." Somehow, an apology was turning into a confession, and I was worried what else would be said in Bella's presence. But Charlie showed no signs of quitting.

"Renee got fifteen years with Bella. And I was only getting three years. And there were some things I wanted to emphasize. I wanted her to feel protected. I wanted her to feel like the child, NOT the parent. And to learn structure, and self-reliance, and independence."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Oh, trust me, she learned all of those in spades. She was a good student."

"And maybe, with all those goals I had set in my mind that I drilled into her, maybe I did forget the little things that would have mattered to a girl. But I wanted those goals to be second nature to her when she went out into the world. Whereas Renee had a hard time of it, I wanted Bella to be able to take care of herself, no matter what life threw at her."

"She takes care of herself all right. To the point I can hardly buy her a gift without her complaining."

That made him laugh at least. But I could only imagine what was running through Bella's head at the moment.

"I just....and you better never pass this on to Bella."

I gripped Bella's hand harder, hoping he didn't say anything too upsetting.

"I never wanted her to fall into the same traps her mother did. I want the world to open up to her, not be closed off because some idiot like myself came along and got her pregnant and married her by eighteen. And stuck in a small town that couldn't hold her. Bella's got her mother's vivaciousness, but she also has my practicality. And I always want her practicality to guide the vivaciousness, not the other way around."

I reassured him that this was the case, speaking for Bella since she couldn't for herself. "And know that she's surrounded herself with people who only want the best for her too."

That got Charlie's attention. "Really? She doesn't tell me too much."

"Well, there's Rose, who is very....opinionated. And treats Bella like her kid sister. Very protective of her. She gave me hell initially for dating Bella."

Charlie smiled at the thought.

"And Alice, my sister of course. They are connected at the hip, adore eachother like long lost sisters, and keep eachother on track."

When they weren't busy youtubing corn porn.

"And Jasper, who teases Bella mercilessly, but would be the first one there for her if she ever needed any help. Then there's Emmett and Seamus, who could both give Jacob a run for his money in terms of height and size. They both dote on her like a baby sister too. And Mike and Laurent..."

It was funny. The more I told him about Bella's circle of friends, the more I realized that she had formed a sort of family for herself at school -- just like Charlie had formed a makeshift family from the ground up for Bella too.

Charlie left my bedroom with a silent acknowledgement. I'd passed the test. And he HAD been testing me all day. I'd kept my cool, not falling for the first button pushing they threw my way. But I knew when to confront him too, and when it mattered most: for Bella's sake.

When Charlie's bedroom door closed, Bella finally climbed back into bed with me, looking completely confused. "What was that all about? Why was he telling you all those things? Why was he sorry?"

I held her closer to me as I tried to figure out how to explain it all to her. How a beautiful, unassuming girl was left to assume she was still that awkward, twelve year old girl she had seen in the mirror at one time - even when she passed fourteen and sixteen and eventually eighteen. Not because her father didn't care or didn't love her. But because in his own imperfect way, he wanted more for his beautiful daughter than what he had given her mother so many years before.

**xxxx**

a/n: Okay, again, I'm sorry this took so long! I've got about three more chapters to go at the most. Renee's house, then a closing chapter. And I also have epilogue chappie bonanza with more Rose and Emmett for those of you who've been asking for them. :)

a/n: And one quick "THANK YOU" to Cassandra Fisher for the LOVELY story she wrote me that I won by bidding for it in the Support Stacie Auction!


	60. an an

**a/n: Just a quick update on this story for those who still care(god, I know too that even if I love a story, when it's not been updated in months, I totally lose interest). **

**I will be finishing this story. I have the next chapter almost done. It's been hard to update this story in the last year because the Bella in this story is modeled after someone who is so close to my heart. And she passed last year unexpectedly. Sometimes it hurts to write this story now as a result, because it makes me sad. But I will finish it because this is my favorite story, and there are times where it makes me happy to write it. When I get that happy moment, I write. And I'm almost there with this next chapter. **

**I know it's hard to give a crap about a story when it updates so infrequently, I really do understand! And I'm sorry I sorta puttered out at the end here. But for those still interested, I am writing when I can and will finish the story soon. **

**Thanks to all of you who have pm'd me and left reviews inquiring about this story. I really appreciate it! halo xoxox**

**a (rough draft) teaser from next chapter, where Edward and Bella visit Renee during Thanksgiving break:**

Renee had just given Bella a several minute hug, patting her back and kissing her forehead and pinching her cheeks and telling her she looked gaunt. And now it was my turn. She stood with her hands on hips, sizing me up with a concerned look on her face. Just like Charlie, Renee's youthfulness took me by surprise. She didn't look a day over 35; and dressed in a simple peasant skirt and top and a ponytail, she could have passed for Bella's older sister.

"Well, let's have a look at you, Mr. Handsome Face."

She took both my hands in hers then spread them to the side and gave me a once over.

"Oh, dear. Oh dear, dear Bella. This will never do. I'm so sorry." She shook her head from side to side as if she had just diagnosed me with a rare disease .

"Sorry for what, Mom?" Bella was smiling, probably knowing full well where she was going with this.

"I'm so sorry, baby. He's just so handsome. Tall too, did you notice how tall he was?"

"Yep, all 6'2" of manhood, Mom."

Renee sighed sadly. "And he even smells good. I can sniff out the nice cologne and fresh scent from here. Fancy stuff like herbs and citrus and rare woods."

Bella nodded her head in consolation. "Sandalwood and Rosemary, to be exact. He's a multi-sensory experience."

"Like an Imax movie in smell-o-vision, Bella."

"And Surround-Sound, Mom." Bella lifted my upper lip randomly, pointing with another a finger. "And look at those teeth. They could freaking blind you!"

Renee got a closer look: "My lord, not a filled cavity among them even. It's like you special- ordered him from a factory, his specifications are everything you like in a boy."

I raised an eyebrow to Bella, who actually blushed at her mom's comment. Was I her type from the get go?

So, this was how the genetic inheritance was divied up. Bella got Charlie's impeccable sense of organization. And Renee's random stream of consciousness."


End file.
